The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

albatross

May 15, 2016 at 11:08 pm

What happens if you told them that you were blocking them on all forms of contact apart from email? Is that bad?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 8:12 am

Hi Albatross,

it’s better if you don’t say and don’t do that if not really needed. If he’s abusing you, of course just block him.

Kayla

May 12, 2016 at 4:32 am

My situation seems a little strange compared to many of the typical break ups discussed here. My ex was being very distant, so I requested a phone call (we have been in a long distance relationship for a year). I called him after work, and he had just come from the airport where he had dropped off a friend of his (a female) and she is moving across the country now that their internship has finished. He said that once she left, he was struck with feelings for her that he is confused about. He talked about how he had never acted on any feeling for her because he was holding out for me and feared the consequence of it. So now, we’re essentially broken up…but not because he is definitely falling for this girl. Just because he is confused and needs to “figure it out”. Over the course of his internship, I questioned their relationship and he claimed he has no attraction to her at all. He even said that with this break up call, that he still doesn’t really find her attractive. I’ve initiated the NC rule (I’m only on Day 1), but I have no idea whether or not it’s really the solution to my situation since we’re only sort of broken off. I have no idea what he’s thinking about her or me at this point and he is actually moving back to the area where I currently live. The way I see it, NC will help to give him the space to explore his emotions…while giving me the sanity of a sense of closure so I can begin to move on if he does choose her. But honestly, I don’t see him choosing her. It would be another long distance thing and there is just no physical attraction!
Any advice on this would be much appreciated. I’m definitely feeling on edge not talking to him and not knowing what he is doing with this other girl.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 4:38 am

Hi Kayla,

proceed with nc and be busy improving yourself and posting about it…. be positive.. so that when he sees it, he’ll miss you

Lonely and confused

May 11, 2016 at 7:38 pm

I was with my boyfriend for a little over a year. Suddenly he came to me and said that “although I do love you, I am confused and feel lost, so I need some space and time to find myself.” We are both in our 50’s. This was my first relationship (3 years post divorce) and this was his first relationship since his second divorce. I tried everything to convince him (in the first month after the break up) that he was making a mistake, etc…. then I stopped contacting him. He would periodically send messages and I would answer, then I just stopped answering them and he went into the desperate text messaging phase. He sent a message that said he really needed to talk to me and that it was very important, so I caved and we met up and talked. He had some really bad things happen and needed to talk. Then he asked me out for dinner and I went. Now suddenly, he is back to the very distant phase and occasional texting. Is it possible to go back to the “no contact” rule and have it work? I feel like he just wanted to see if I was still available and see if I had been dating or thinking about dating. Really confused me. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 1:15 am

Hi Lonely and confused,

I think you’re right.. Yeah, try to do one last no contact of 30 days and stick to it no matter what.. if it’s really important, he will say what it really is in text..

Judy

May 10, 2016 at 2:37 am

Hello Amor,

I sent a message, you then asked an additional question so I am just now responding. I am 53 years old my ex is 61 years old, we had been together for 2 years and really had a lot of fun together. After spending an entire day together he broke up with me at 1:00 am and left at 3:00am. He said he did not love me anymore, then he said maybe we should just take space but I said no. He wanted to stay friends but I said no. I went a week without contact then made the mistake of texting and calling him. I asked him if I could get some things back, he said he had them in a bag and would give them to my niece. I stopped texting, two days later he sent me three sports pics. which he said were for my ex husband – I have not contacted him since which was 6 days ago but he has not sent anymore text messages either. I really miss him, do you think I have a chance in getting him back? Thanks, Judy

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 14, 2016 at 11:56 am

Hi Judy,

I’ll just copy paste my answer to your latest comment from this one.

Ok, to be honest, from your story she seems to be more attractive for him compared to you.. but with what happened to them, if they are together, the trust can be on the rocks.. I think you have to try to give him space through nc, because he will definitely compare the two of you.. and while you’re nc, do the things that make you happy.. I’m not sure if they will fight right ahead because if they are in the honeymoon period, they probably won’t but once they do, he’ll go back to his memory of you..I don’t know if he’s into social media.. but if you have it he will probably check it when he misses you.. so, keep it updated..

but to be honest, if I was in your place.. he has to work for me if he wants me back.. coz what he did, if he left me for his ex, he can’t go back with me that easily coz that would make a rebound or just a back up..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 7:29 am

well, it’s too early to say from just him not texting for a week. Start the activities that will make you occupied and for you to build a new routine apart from him.. It’s good that you didn’t reply to him.. just keep at it.. focus on yourself for now for a month, put him aside.. as I’ve said before, he will compare you to her.. it’s better if he will see you doing better than her when they get to fighting.

Littlegirl

May 8, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Hello, I broke up with my ex few days ago and things weren’t going too good. After the broke up, I did all I can go get his attention.. For example: waiting for him to meet me under his block, constantly texting n calling him, wrote him emails and all these came to a point that he finally willing to meet me and talk. He was being very hush on me and said words like “I’ve told you that the last break up was the last time already and I’m never going to give in this time anymore” & “I’ve make plans without you in it anymore” & “I don’t love you already”.(This was really painful to hear) We had the talk but despite how hard I tried to convince him to give me the one chance to make things right, he refused. Everytime I tried to talk things out, I’ve cried all these while and he is not accepting but stay persistent with his answer. Not forgetting to mentio that he is pretty an alpha person, so when he say something, he is most likely to obey it. At this point of time, I’ve lost him. And chance upon this site and currently in the mids of obeying the “no contact rule”. However my concern is, how sure can it be that based on his character and the words he used, he would miss me, text me during the no contact rule or even want to meet me after the no contact rule.. How can I be sure that I can really make him miss me more and come back to me? Your response will be greatly appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 3:17 am

Hi Little girl,

we don’t guarantee that it will work 100% but first thing first, are you actively improving yourself physically, socially and emotionally? He would miss you if there is something to miss, especially if he knows you’ve moved on.. it’s ok if he doesn’t text you during no contact but the meet ups after no contact will happen if you have build enough rapport through texting and calling after no contact.. it’s ok to initiate a text after nc even if he didn’t text during in it.

Maggie

May 6, 2016 at 12:44 am

Hi there,

I have ended up doing NC without meaning to – i just genuinely needed the headspace. We broke up at the start of April and he wrote me a letter a week later talking about the difficulties we had had in our relationship but how much he loved me and could we make it work? I met with him twice after that to talk but he had to travel a lot with work after that and we were both still quite upset. The last time we spoke was ten days ago when he met me after work – he was sad and tearful and angry too and it was all too intense and ended with him saying we had to really part ways.

Just over a day later he texted from the airport (another work trip) to say he loved me and to take care. A few hours later he texted again saying he saw my most recent instagram picture. And an hour after that he texted saying he had written me a long email on the plane he needed me to read… I got the email the next day. Telling me how much he loved me, how he didnt want this to end. Asking me what could we do to love each other more? What did I need from him? Could I listen to what he needed? And saying to think about these things, remember he loves me, and if there was something more to talk about and hope for, to talk and that he would be ready to listen…

I still have not responded to any of the texts or the email. Not since we parted ways that night after work. It has been ten days. I am beginning to feel cruel at not giving him any response but I wanted to do NC for a while longer…so im not just jumping back at every opportunity he gives me. I noticed someone say if they contact to talk about getting back together then you can break NC?!

So would it be ok to reply to his email in another few days ?

argh! I love him, im just so tired. If we are getting back in contact it has to be different than before for me…

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 9:38 am

Hi Maggie,

that’s good at least you have the right mindset that if ever you’re going back, there has to be change..

yes, it’s ok to take your time.. he probably is like that because you have been silent

Michelle

May 5, 2016 at 7:45 pm

How does the NC role work when you have a small child together? I called him and texted him non stop on the second day after he broke up with me. I haven’t contacted him in 2 days bc everything is NO and his friends are now involved , he hasn’t texted me to check on our child either.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 7:57 am

Hi Michelle,

that means you only talk about your child nothing else.. don’t talk about your feelings, no small talk, nor about the relationship and you continue to build a new routine and improve yourself.
You can check this post out too:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

Jennica Anne

May 5, 2016 at 11:02 am

Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up after almost 3 months of dating. We used to be close friends before being together. It was quite a short relationship but we were so in to each other. A week before he broke up with me, I tried to break up with him because of his constant lies. But he didn’t agreed and he told me that we could work this out and that he loves me very much. Then days later we fought about something and didn’t communicate for a few days. When I was finally ready to settle things with him and see him, he told me that he wants to break up with me because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and he didn’t want to be a pain to me anymore. But I don’t find his reason reasonable though. He even told me that e was a coward. My bestfriend talked to him during the days that we had a fight and he told my bestfriend that he don’t know how to face me anymore. I don’t know why. Then when he told me that he wants to end things with me, I tried to stopped him because I believe that there are many things that we can do to fix the problem. But he was so decided. Then he told me that he still wants us to be close friends which is for me a stupid thing. I told him a day after we broke up that I’d still be waiting. But right now its been 2 weeks after the break up, and I think that I won’t wait anymore. But I want him back. I’m still in contact with his family since we’re quite close. What do I do now to get him back?

Anyway, I’m doing the NC rule for about two weeks now, so far so good.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 3:55 am

Hi Jennica,

actually you have to restart count.. because if you were still communicating with his family about him, they probably update him too. And start to do new activities.. it’s very important that you’re active in making a new life in nc because that’s the essence of it.. if it was not done, nc has less effect.

why can’t he face you? did he do something?

Layali

May 5, 2016 at 6:22 am

Hallo,
My BF told me last month out of the blue that he want to break up but also he said we meet again after one month and half since he will come back from his traveling and we talk again. when i cried since i was shocked. he said t is good for us not to talk for a while. then i did not contact him since one month and one week. i think he will contact me soon when he comes back to my city from his traveling. He broke up under the reason that he likes me but he did not fall in love yet. for me I believe many reasons participated to that :both of us have many difficulties and he is desperate didn’t find a job. Any how I am more stronge now but I really want to protect our relationship. Do u have any advices for me. Also, if he keep the idea to break up, should i go a gain in no contact time . Do you think there is a hope for such relation?
Thank you very much

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 3:25 am

HI Layali,

how long is your relationship.. and also, if you really want to keep him.. you have to be ok losing him.. don’t chase..

I just want to be clear, if he doesn’t have a job, how can he travel? is it a family vacation? because somebody who travels for that is not really stressed.. if he really means that he’s not in love with you, that means he’s not attracted..

Confused Heart

May 4, 2016 at 8:26 pm

Hi! My ex was always threating to break up with me after little arguments, turning casual things into big deal breakers. The forth time he did this, I was feeling very tired of this behavior so I fully agreed without trying to make him reconsider his decision. He said he didn’t want to end the relationship (only 3 months old) because he didn’t love me anymore, but because he couldn’t feel that we could be compatible, he didn’t want to insist or make efforts, or be flexible etc. He used to say this when he was mad at me (usually for no reason or for little things)…I was faithful and respectful all the time (and I suppose he was too). The thing that really mess with my mind is that he got really angry at me during the break up and during all the 5 days after he took his decision. He looks like the stubborn guy who wanted to break up to have control over it (he used to be insecure about me), and also have begging for one more chance — which I didn’t do the last time. Instead, I agreed with the break up immediately, said him I would delete him from social media to help me healing and after getting my things back I just vanished from his life. Like a 100% no contact. On day 2 after breaking up, he text me to say how angry he was because I deleted our photos together on Instagram, and he was also jealous of me hanging out with my friends, he was paranoid if I was already seeing someone else. He blocked me one day, than unblocked me on the next day just to say he was worried about my actions (“of possibily moving on without begging him to reconsider”, I guess?). On day 5 after break up, I said I really wanted to move on and forget him since he decided to break up, so I blocked him “forever”. NC Rule is going on for 11 days right now. Recently he upload a video of him singing a song that could drop me hint like “OMG, I’m doing so great without you and I’m super ready for other girls, you lost me”, which looks cruel to me since HE broke up… I should be the victim trying to survive the break up here! He’s playing a sarcastic role right now trying to show the world how fast he moved on and how fabulous he is without me… What do you think I should do? Does such an indecisive-now-super-stubborn-and-sarcastic guy have the guts to come back? He can’t contact me on facebook/text/call me, but he knows where I live, work and he still can reach me on email or instagram if he wants. It’s curious that he deleted our pics from instagram, but he still keeps some pics of us together on facebook and also a video of us on Instagram. What should I expect? It feels like he’s playing the stubborn role that can last forever despite he still miss me in his life. I’m not sure of what to do or think about it! :/

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 2:24 am

Hi Confused heart,

honestly it’s going to be a toxic relationship if you allow him to be like that.. for me either I move on or I have to see that he has matured because he looks like the controlling type.. you’re doing good ignoring all of it.. He’s trying his best to see until when you could hold off..

Susan

May 4, 2016 at 2:32 am

My exboyfriend and I dated just over 3 months. I think he is a bit selfish and stubborn and My needs were not being met and then one night he said he would never live with another woman again which I know I will want some day. I had already compromised on many issues for him but I knew if our relationship made it to the living together stage I would want to do that. I was clear with him we were no where near that probably a few years out. He said it was how he felt and didn’t see it changing. So,I broke up with him. It was an amicable break up and I told him how much I liked him but that was a deal breaker. He too said he was sad And that it was possible he was going to wake up and realize he made s big mistake but at that moment he could not give me the certainty that I wanted to be able to continue. He wanted to stay friends so we could talk but I told him I couldn’t because I wanted to date new people and having him in my life would prevent me from moving forward. I implemented no contact. After two weeks I slipped and texted him. He definitely wanted to talk to me. I told him I missed him but that I still thought I made the right decision. He said he missed me too but I was right. He again said he would like to continue to maintain a friendship because I was one of the nicest people he’s ever met and he didn’t want to lose me all together. He even said he would help with my dog if I needed it. I told him I couldn’t and I shouldn’t have texted him. He said he understood and would leave it to me if i wanted to communicate. It has been over 5 weeks since then. He has not reached out. He is back on dating sites. I now I could reach out but I am really trying to stay strong as the article suggests. But the article doesn’t address if the stubborn guy ever comes back. I want to hear from him and hope he changes his mind. Do you think with continued no contact (60 days) he will eventually reach out? Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2016 at 1:16 pm

Hi Susan,

it’s because there’s no guarantee.. there’s only greater probability if you stick to nc because in that way you won’t be the chaser

MICA

May 2, 2016 at 7:28 pm

I have been in no contact for five days and he sent me texts on 3rd day, emailed me on 4th day and today he asked me if i want to skype and called me two times. Should I continue with the no contact rule or should I reply to him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2016 at 8:33 am

Hi Mica,

did you reply? if he’s doing that to fix things, if he says he wanted to talk to get back, you can break nc.. but if it’s just small talk.. nope

L

April 30, 2016 at 7:34 pm

Who says we don’t want to go NC for good? Every mention I’ve seen of this so far is in reference to “getting him back” The reality is that when a woman is fed up, there’s nothing a man can do to keep her holding on. R.Kelly said it best. Please tell me why I would fight for a manipulator who only makes life harder in the end? Who doesn’t see my worth and never did? That makes zero sense. Is a woman’s NC initiative really that insignificant?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 2:45 pm

HI L,
nc’s is actually for moving on.. it just so happens that the road to moving on and getting an ex back is the same.. if your ex is a manipulator.. of course it’s better not to get back with him

Judy

April 30, 2016 at 3:45 pm

Hi,

What I forgot to mention was when he broke up with me it was in the middle of the night and he said he did not love me. I have not reached out in 7 days but I have not heard from him either.

Judy

April 30, 2016 at 4:13 pm

I am hoping you got the comment I sent prior to the one that is showing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 2:12 pm

sorry for the late reply Judy.. when did you break up? are you doing no contact?

Dine

April 30, 2016 at 2:40 am

I broke up with my bf after a year because he would always tell me that he knows he is going to marry me and constantly told me that he will love me forever. When I brought up marriage he said that this wouldn’t happen for at least another 5 years or more. We did discuss this at the 7 month mark, because he constantly would tell me that he was going to marry me- I found it a bit strange, hence I asked….response what not for 5-6 years. We fought about it and I was very hurt, but hung on. We are both in our early 40’s, ridiculous to wait that long. Perhaps max another 2 years. His excuse was that his son goes to school/ex lives 50 minutes away from where I live with my kids. I suggested that we could move to a half way point in a few years He said not way not going happen. So I broke up with him. After a week I emailed him asking what I should do with his stuff, that I could leave it out on the porch for him to pick up or toss it. I never received a reply. I know that he is very angry and is a super stubborn person and was very mean. Since, I ended it a few days before our 1 year anniversary and he had planned a special weekend. Do you think that the NC rule will work with him? But if he contacted me and wanted to get back with me – we would have to be on the same time line.
Thoughts….?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 12:23 pm

Hi Dine,

we can’t guarantee that it will, but it will certainly get him to think.. at least you know what you want and you already proposed a solution, if he still doesn’t want to get back with you with the same timeline, yiu have to decide whether to move on or wait

veronica

April 27, 2016 at 2:14 pm

I need help i don’t know what to do. My boyfriend didn’t break up with me but he told me that he needs to cool off, And then i ask him why he didn’t said anything i told him if he still love you and he just said that he didn’t really know but before that he started being cold to me he is not talking to me after we fight and he told me that he want to break up with me but I stop him he just said he want to cool off. It hurts bad its already 5 days he didn’t even bother to text me so I did the same. what do i do? do i still have chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 5:17 am

okay.. are still not contacting now? it’s good that you gave him space but start doing activities now to be busy and to improve yourself until he contacts you..

Karen

April 26, 2016 at 6:30 pm

Ok..so..we have hit the mid NC cycle…he cut me loose 11 days ago..I did not make any contact…..and he emailed me last night. I did reply…but bottom line was no more communication and no we can’t be friends…there was only an exchange of 2 emails total from both of us.

What now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 8:24 am

Hi Karen,

oh, if that was within nc.. that means you broke it.. you have to restart count.

Lucy

April 25, 2016 at 9:50 pm

Hi, I have just started the no contact with my ex. I just wanted to know, if he tries to contact me a few times and I ignore him, what do I then do when the 30 days are up? Do I contact him? What do I say and how? Also I have blocked him on all social media except facebook (I unfriended him though so he cant see my stuff) so the only way he can really contact me is by text. Should I leave him blocked on everything until the 30 days are up? Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 6:19 am

Hi,

It’s better if you unblock him.. and if he doesn’t initiate after 30 days, it’s ok if you do. Check out the blog post I’ll give you so you’ll have an idea what to do after nc.. and with your trip.. don’t think about it too much because you still have a month after nc before it.. If after nc he responds well, then build rapport and attraction through texts and calls so that trip will be like your meet up stage.
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Brittney Kiholm

April 25, 2016 at 4:53 pm

What after the breakup you did contact him. And tried to be strong and not contact him, but failed and sent him 2 angry long text messages and received nothing in response. And how its almost been 3 weeks since the breakup, but only been a solid week since you tried not contacting him. Will no contact still work? And he is constantly on twitter saying “Hey where are the parties at” and “who wants to go on a date tonight” and “I’m so happy being single right now”
The breakup was sudden. I overthought our relationship and was bugging him for a solid week to “be more touchy” and “act like you love me” and when I didn’t get the perfect response I dumped him every day for 5 days until that last day when I finally said “oh my gosh i don’t know why Ive been like this, I want things to work out” and he wanted nothing to do with me. Said that it couldn’t be fixed. and that night he called and said he didn’t feel right about it and i thought we might work it out. But then after another 2 phone calls over the next few days he seemed more and more confused and more into hanging out with his friends and his friends are not good influences. He began telling people I tried to change him and that it was an unhealthy relationship, and after we got together to give each others stuff back he seemed completely uninterested in me. and thats when i tried to do no contact the first time and failed. and then tried to get him to talk to me and sent those 2 angry texts but got no response. Its only really been a little over a week since I last tried to contact him, but almost 3 weeks since our breakup. His twitter is saying how happy he is and how over me he is. Is there even still a chance for me? Since I am the one to push him towards this breakup? Are his friends the ones who are convincing him that he made a good decision? Is he really over me and loving the single life drinking and dating girls?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 5:59 am

Hi Brittney,

We can’t guarantee that it will get him back 100% but you really need to do no contact to work on yourself to avoid being clingy again.. Aside from showing him that you’re more emotionally mature by being positive and improving other aspects of your life, you have to do it for yourself because you’re taking yourself and not him in every relationship.. No matter who you’re with, it’s only yourself you can control. SO focus on yourself first before thinking about others.

Kylie

April 23, 2016 at 10:06 pm

Great article. My husband of 11 years ended our marriage. I left the country last month to get some space. I’ve been trying not to talk to him to get space and I don’t hear from him and then he texts me.

We talked once on the phone which was supposed to be short and he kept me on the phone for an hour.

The other day we were chatting and having a good time and I asked if he wanted me to come back. He said it was fine either way but he was less stressed with me gone. He said probably not want you want to hear. He said we just drifted apart and are in different life phases.

So I started to say goodbye and he said you don’t want to chat anymore and I said no.

He said well we have to talk as we’re still friends and I need to send you stuff.

I said no there’s nothing I need.

He persisted wanting my address which I didn’t give him.

I felt guilted into remaining friends and I can’t as I love him and he broke my heart.

I wrote to him the next day telling him I can’t be friends and not to contact me anymore.

Did I do the right thing?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2016 at 8:48 pm

Hi Kylie,

Yes you did.. He has to understand that he has to be sensitive to your feelings.. it’s impossible to be just friends with someone you love..

« Previous 1 … 39 40 41 42 43 … 89 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”