The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

maria

June 1, 2016 at 12:46 pm

My ex broke up with me and it has been 2 weeks. he sent me a message yesterday which may seem like we had something good so i agreed to talk to him. But during our conversation I cannot get him to tell me what he exactly wants to say. I ask him questions on what does he want from me or what does he want in his life he says he doesnt know what he wants right now he doesnt even know what he wants from me. He cant even tell me anything! he dodges every question i ask him. He broke NC cause he said he misses everything about me but not enough to tell me what he wants in his life right now. He said I was a good girlfriend. It just confuses me on whats his purpose of contacting me when he doesnt know what he wants. I couldve swore he wanted me back but just too stubborn to say or I could be wrong. please enlighten me. im really confused.

Maria

June 15, 2016 at 5:38 am

We talked for a few days after that. We were doing okay he even asked me thursdsy if i have plans over the weekend. Then he went out with some people on friday which i was guessing he went home drunk so i told him to not drink too much and texted him in the morning to have a nice day. The last text he sent me was thanks and have a good night. He would usually tell me that he was busy or doing something if i tried to text him or call him. But he wasnt answering anymore! He completely ignored me. So i crazily called and texted him asking him whats wrong or what did i do wrong but he never answered since from the last message he sent me so im just so confused… I never even asked him back i agreed to remain friends with him. He turned off his phone for a day or deleted his viber for a day but then hes back on it. He would actually delete me off facebook if he dont want anything to do with me but he still hasnt up until now. Still reply from him either. What is goin on with him? Did he find someone else thats why hes ignoring me?? Im lost and confused
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 9:52 pm

stop messaging him for now..
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 11, 2016 at 1:06 pm

Hi Maria,
did you talk again?

J

June 1, 2016 at 7:36 am

So I’ve been NC 9 days. He hasn’t and don’t think he will get intouch. He went a week before NC giving me silent treatment ( although I hadn’t been intouch with him either as I know what he’s like ) in the end I messaged him asking if he wanted to end things why couldn’t he just tell me, he was very abrupt, I haven’t done anything wrong or arguments other then to ask why he hasn’t replied to a text one day. So I still did t get an answer other then he doesn’t know what he wants or where he wants to be. He said he would post my key I told him not to bother but he insisted, still no key btw. I posted something of his. He didn’t thank me so I text I see the delivery got to you ok. Good luck with finding your happiness and whatever it is you are looking for X
He replied thank you. And I’m sorry for everything X
I didn’t reply after that and it’s been the last contact. I honestly don’t know what the problems or issues are? The day before he just stopped getting intouch we had been on a date and spent the night at his, we had Sex in the morning then nothing? I’m scared I’m not going to feel over him enough in 30 days to not fall apart if it doesn’t work, I’m nearly half way through and don’t feel any better.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 11, 2016 at 12:39 pm

Hi J,

sorry for the late reply. How long was your relationship?

Khush

May 31, 2016 at 8:13 pm

I loved this article! I’m confused however on my situation as it’s a bit different and I don’t know which category my ex falls under.. We dated for what would have been 8 months this week. We however broke up on saturday night, he had told me he wasn’t happy for a while now and that he wasn’t happy with the realtionship either, it wasn’t anything I had done but he said he just wasn’t in a “stable mindset to be in a relationship”. About three weeks ago he told me that and I had offered we take a break so he can figure himself out and he said he would like that, he talked to me for a few minutes out of the whole day for the first week and the 2nd week it was every other day, then last week he just didnt talk to me adn i tried reaching out to him and he didn’t reply so I texted again and he did but stayed giving me dry answers and then it finally came out of him that he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Meanwhile, we got matching tattoos, he would always tell me that he wanted to marry me adn that he loved me adn vice versa. Everyone thought we would end up together as well, we had a perfect realtionship, anything he wanted I did everything in my power to get for him or do for him so he’d alwasy be content. Now I’m confused on what to do. We havent spoken since saturday when we broke up so you could say I put the NC rule in affect right away but I don’t know if it will work or what cateogry he falls under guy wise.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2016 at 1:39 am

Hi Khush,

the no contact count starts the first day you stopped texting. And by now you should start to do things that can improve yourself. He falls more on the stubborness but it looks like he really just needs space to think clearly.

Kai

May 31, 2016 at 7:56 am

Hi,

I need some advice. I’ve simplified what happened:

Day 0 – he breaks up with me.

Day 4 of NC period – I break the NC rule when we met to exchange our stuff, by hugging him (this was before I found out about your site), so NC period resets.

The next day, i.e. Day 1 of NC period again – I block him on Facebook. I was very upset and wanted him out of my life as far as possible. I also didn’t want to get my hopes up of him stalking me whenever I made a new FB post.

Day 4 – he emails me. I don’t respond.

It is now Day 12 of the new NC period. He hasn’t contacted me since the email. My question is, will unblocking him from Facebook be breaking the NC rule?

My objective of unblocking him would be so he would be able to see what I’m up to and miss me more during the NC period (although I don’t know which is worse, being able to see what I’m up to or having no clue at all). Or should I just unblock him ONLY after the NC period is over?

Even when we were together, I hardly ever looked at what he posts so I’m confident of not being tempted to check his FB posts now when I unblock him.

Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 8:00 pm

Hi Kai,

It’s ok to unblock him. Just don’t send a message to him 🙂

confused.com

May 30, 2016 at 9:26 pm

((Sorry for long message)) Hiya, i’m really hoping for a response from you. My ex and I had been together for around 5 months before things ended. He lives around 2hrs away. I would consider our relationship long distance as he works 9 to 5 week days and I work in the week and always on weekends. It was very hard to get time off to come and see each other. He ended our relationship over facetime because he couldn’t handle the distance. His reasons were he hadn’t been paying me as much attention as he had been at the beginning of our relationship and that he had lost some of the attraction that was there at the beginning. He said he still loves me and will never forget me, that he didn’t want to break up with me but had been thinking about if for weeks and knew it was the right decision in the long run. I tried for hours to change his mind, coming up with every excuse in the book about how it could still work. He was adamant that it was over & he wasn’t going to change his mind. After the breakup we exchanged long messages and agreed to be friends. The next day I started reading these articles and decided to start the no contact period. He has texted me 2/3 times and liked an old photo of us together. The last thing he texted me was ‘Oh so are you just going to ignore me now?’ It’s been 6 days into no contact now. BASICALLY I am just wondering should I really wait a whole month to get in touch. For me and my personal relationship that seems like way to much time. Considering he was so adamant that we had to end things I feel like a month will give him enough time to realise that he can survive without me and doesn’t need me in his life! Do you think that there is much hope in this situation, as i really cant picture moving on for a long time. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 6:25 pm

Hi Confused.com,

I think you need to hear this podcast
EBR 046: Can You Ever Break The No Contact Rule?

Twinkle

May 29, 2016 at 10:24 pm

I really want a help.
6days after my break up.
My boyfriend left me because he think that am hiding a lot of things from him.
I am not cheating and he knows it.
Its just that I don’t open up easily.
And since we had a lot of fights I was not able more to share.
And he thinks that I want to make him a bad person in the eyes of others.
That I judge him badly.
He also thinks that I want to appear like the victim.
But that’s all false.
I tried to explain but in vain.
And now during tone nC rule he is continuing to says all these things.
We both loved each other and we are both suffering.
But he is too stubborn to admit it.
I really want to fight for this but how?
He clearly said he won’t return back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 11:48 am

Hi Twinkle,

Talk to him calmly and then after that do nc…

K

May 29, 2016 at 5:16 pm

First off, I’m confused on what to buy. I was going to buy the $87 package, but I’m not sure if that includes the No Contact Rule Book, and I’m getting different prices for that individually–once $9 and once $47. Strange. So. Just kind of at a loss on what I need to do here. I don’t want to miss something important, but I don’t want to buy something twice.

Secondly, I was floored on Monday, when in the middle of a phone conversation, my boyfriend, mid-sentence, blurted out that we had always been able to talk about everything and had an open, honest relationship, and he had no idea what was going on but he felt we had peaked and fizzled and this might really regret this but, he just woke up one morning and he didn’t see a future anymore. Boom. Done. That was it. 5 months. Totally floored. I handled it well. I said, “Okay. So, that’s it?” He said, “Keep the bike I gave you as a birthday gift. Happy birthday.” (The bike he gave me a month or so after we had begun dating. My birthday was Sunday. I said, “I don’t want the bike. I don’t keep things around from relationships that meant something to me.” He said, “Let’s just cool down and talk about it in a couple of days.” He said (prior to the break-up) we were going to online shop for a dress for me on Tuesday. We’d had a great weekend with his nephews. Some of the conversation, I am sure I’m blocking out. Again. It was so fast and unexpected that I just kind of froze. But I did stay calm. No crying, begging, or pleading.

I will say, and not giving him excuses, but he recently had a wreck and had to replace his vehicle, we live 4 hours apart, we have both been busy with jobs, he had a change of placement with his job, and then he got a couple new job offers from a place he was let go from before, and his dog has been getting really sick, runs a side business, etc. All in a period of 4 weeks. I mean–could he have really have had just too much going on? I talked to his sister just briefly to tell her how much I loved her and her family (we became very close) and she said they were floored as well and had ZERO idea that was going to happen, that they loved me and they had never liked anyone he dated. I told her I wasn’t fishing for information and just wanted to say how much they had meant to me, and would she please not let him know I had done that as I wasn’t trying to pry for information or manipulate. He had been a little quieter than usual the last couple of weeks, and we were both very busy, so I just decided to give him space and I withdrew and didn’t really text him or call him. I did this to give him space, but I think I communicated that I didn’t care, and I think I made myself look boring (I mostly listened to him the last few weeks and held back on my own experiences because I knew he was highly stressed). Is there any chance he just made a bad decision, or did I somehow wreck this thing with my “give space” mentality? I sent him an email (sorry–didn’t find your website until after I did) that said basically, “I don’t know where this came from. I want you to be happy. I heard you say this might be a really big mistake, but it’s a bigger mistake to stay in something that you’re not feeling. I had a great time. I didn’t see us fizzling at all, but in fact I was quite happy, although I knew we weren’t communicating as much and that it bothered me, but I was just trying to give him space.” There was no begging. Nothing like that. We are over 40. Both had bad divorces. I’m quite inclined to back way off and give less attention because my ex-husband always said I was needy and didn’t have my own life, and I never want to appear that way. Anyhow, he did respond a few days later and said that the letter meant a lot to him and he was looking forward to getting a lot of sleep this weekend and goodnight for now.

So, of course, I did not respond, and to be honest, I was worth way more than a 3 minute diatribe freak-out dump over the phone. That screams baggage big time. I never gave him any indication during our relationship that I was an angry or verbally abusive person or that I would have a meltdown ever. So, I’m not sure why he had to do that. I do remember him saying what a great person I was, blah, blah, the kindest person he’s ever met (I always get this. And I do try to be kind and patient) and I just kept thinking, “I don’t need you to tell me this. I already know this. Why are you trying to make me feel better about this?” but I just kept listening to him and said, “Okay. Well. Thanks. I think a lot of you, too.” Just in total shock.

Have I totally blown it by sending him the letter? Is this even worth thinking about? Do you think he had a freak-out (we were at the 5 month mark, maybe 6) and was so stressed that he had to cut something, and I was the only logical thing, or is he just truly disinterested now and thinks I’m boring. I had NOT been talking a lot about me at all because I was listening to him.

Relationships are so hard! I am just floored.

Regardless of whether he wakes up or not, I still fee like I need your system to develop healthy relationships with other men. My dating is relatively new even though its been 6 years since my divorce. I was raising my now adult children and finishing my degree.

So, yeah. Have I blown it with the email and with me being so space driven during his stress (appearing boring and agreeable–’tis my nature until I figure out how to address an issue), or is he just moving on?

What should I buy? I don’t want to buy things twice?

A Healing

June 13, 2016 at 10:35 am

I wanna ask you how to solve my relationship problem without cheating anymore.i have my ex boyfriend.we broke up 8 months ago he blocked me in whatsapp .we broke up because he cheated on me..now he came back open his block and try to talk to me just say how are you..I already answer him..he said how are you I said I am not Fayruz he said who? I said ? And he said anyway I want to greet for Ramadan occasion and I am sorry I said I am not O he said ok I said it’s not ur business he said sorry I said Sorry for what he didn’t answer I said you didn’t even tell me who you are he said I am Z I said Sorry I am so busy now talk to you later he said OK.i said I will let her know that Z is looking for O he didn’t answer.i leave him I didn’t talk with him ..he didn’t try to talk to me at all till now(8Days)..so what should I do to face this case?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 17, 2016 at 12:42 pm

Hi A healing,

sorry i didn’t understand.. who is o?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 11, 2016 at 7:22 am

Hi Kelly,
sorry for the late reply.. If it’s not included in package list that means the no contact book should be bought separately

YNA

May 28, 2016 at 3:10 pm

Hi EBR Team!

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Looks like my ex is both the “SCARED” and “ANGRY” guy. Scared because he’s afraid to contact me because he doesn’t want to see the effects of what he did (as told by his friends), and angry because he feels he has all these bitter reasons* to leave me. I hope I interpreted it the right way. He left me with a really painful message: “It’s no longer working; I don’t see a happy future with you. Goodbye”. Anyway the common point is he doesn’t want to contact me and of course, I should do the NC and then contact him. So what’s exactly in the mind of a scared + angry guy and how should I react/handle it? Does it have the same chances of NC being effective? Is it easier to pursue than purely angry?

*reasons:
1.) he thinks I don’t respect his views <—I am willing to work on this
2.) i'm short tempered <– of course I'll work on this as well
3.) he wants our relationship to be private <— of course I'll work on this too!

YNA

June 15, 2016 at 4:34 pm

about how many additional days should I extend my no contact period?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 18, 2016 at 8:00 am

let it cool off for at least two weeks and see if the circumstances change
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 1:53 pm

Hi Yna,

if he’s angry about how your relationship is, why would he be afraid about what he did? is it because you’re always angry and he’s afraid to talk to you again because you might be angry he broke up with you?

but if that’s the case then that means, he’s not really angry but just tired from the relationship..

he has to see first that you have been more focused on being positive so he would be encouraged to talk to you

marie

May 27, 2016 at 4:54 pm

hi, my ex and i broke up a few weeks back, we talked about staying friends and were friendly but i became a bit of a gnat and texted him alot because i wanted closure, he was very isolated from the relationship and i felt like my needs werent being met, thus me complaining constantly and him feeling like he was doing no good but the lack of compromise wasnt there from him and i just wanted it to work out so badly. i also found out i was pregnant and told him after he told me to control my emotions and he blocked me from all social media and hasnt talked to me since. i lost the baby and told him he was off the hook but judging by the anger and immature response, i am betting he might not ever want to talk to me again and think of my as a liar. i have implemented the NC rule now for a couple weeks and it is hard for me to not contact him, we just argued so much and got annoyed with each other easily. should i keep NC and do you think he will ever come around? thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 6:37 am

Hi Marie,

yes you should really do nc.. focus more on bouncing back emotionally frim everything that happened.. you need to heal from it alone and find your individiality and personal happiness first.. after you achieved that, you can start to think about what to text to him to reconnect

Helen

May 25, 2016 at 10:20 am

Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up on Monday after a year together. He had been messaging women behind my back at times, nothing sexual, but flirting and this caused so many arguments over many months. The start of the year it came to a head and he stopped. We had many months of happiness, but bubbling under was what he did. It all came to a head last we and blamed me for bringing it all up because he thought it was parked. The day after the major argument, he lapsed and asked another woman out. I found out and retaliated very upset and made a stupid comment publicly to hurt him but also say how he had hurt me so very much. Before he found out about the comment he said lets talk Friday and he was sorry for contacting that woman and didn’t even fancy her, I also had some begging texts and an email, trying to win him round and it seemed to be working. 10 minutes later he found out and from initially saying lets talk Friday, to it will be a miracle if we get through this, to we will never get through this, to lets remain friends. Yesterday I agreed to be friends and we did text several times. It wasn’t just one sided, but toward the end I did think it was if im honest. In the end I asked out of respect for at least a month or so, any new partners are kept discreet for our own feelings. We live in a small town where we know a lot of people. He agreed and said he wasn’t interested in anyone else and I said the same. he replied with I understand and I replied with 3 kisses (he used 2 after all his texts). Nothing since on either part and I am now on the NC phase. Now I must say this, he departmentalises things. So my fear is that he will block me form his mind. I know if he sees me out it will effect him, as I Know he still fancies and loves me. But where possible, he will park me in his mind. This is what he does with things he does not want to face. ie he would park any of my past boyfriends, because it hurt him, despite them being before him. So he would park them, but occasionally he would through them in my face. So how will the NC work with him??

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 11:35 am

Hi Helen,

I’m not sure if I understood your question correctly. DO you mean what if he will not really forgive you? No contact should help for you to heal and for him to miss you. So focus on improving yourself. SO, that while thinks about his mistake, when he sees your posts he’ll miss you more.

Pjo

May 24, 2016 at 11:32 pm

Where to begin. Been facebook friends for more than 5 yrs. He was 22 i was 17. Granted i am married 20+ yrs3 kids all grown empty nesters us both and him also married 11 yrs together 7 before he wed her. No kids she is his 2nd wife. Only one child from 1st wife grown. He was very jealous guy and got in a few fights with guys over me at our young ages way back when.. I walked away from him because of these traits. Broke his heart. I was leaving facebook and told everyone goodbye. He reached out to me. We started talking everyday since jan 28th 2016. He confessed how i was the love of his life. How he always had loved me. How he wanted to marry me and me to be mother to his children etc back in the day and still at present same things just no kids..you name it. Text turned into sexting. Confessions of love deeper than either of us have known. different states but i am moving back. He hasn’t had sex with her in 5 yrs. is not in love with her. Me i have fell out being in love as well like 5 yrs ago but stayed all because our children and im still here. It got to point where we both talked as to leave and get a place of our own and take baby steps toward this all, and that we both deserve to be happy and not live in a unhappy marriage just because neither of us want to hurt the other spouse. The thing is i was gonna leave, talked about it april 4th. he sent a pic of him crying and told me to get over with fast that his heart could not take it. I stayed and didnt want to hurt him. Next thing i know on the 6th out of the blue he says he can no longer do this. and that he wont leave his wife. all his idea in the first place and before that granted i left out he told me he told her he wanted a divorce. never told him to do that. then it all became things like i can’t see her cry no more. ect..Truth is i dont think he ever told her anything. He is just scared i will not want him again after we see each other after all these years. so he got to pay me back before we meet up. Payed me back from way back when. also he is afraid of her security. she works he does not. and makes all the money. he is disabled and a diabetic. Me i currently am not working also and in process of building my own photography business. We talked asbout how we would do all to get on our feet ect…you name it. then outta the blue he threw a distance to me but yet we staill text and fight and say goodnight and blow kissey smiles to each other at night. Ill say im leaving n he will say no he never said goodbye. every other day we fight n make up. All while waiting for me to move which will be this weekend. we say we will have coffee…but you know it will be more than that. I dont know how to handle these feelings. its been over 30 yrs since i have been hurt by love. I dont want to lose him, heck i haven’t even had him in 35 yrs. Think most we went is maybe 24 hrs with out talking. so there is my problem in a nut shell. old flames reunited and want to me together but are in raged at both our situations. We both know we are meant to be but one is more sacred than the other. mind you he also blocked me on facebook as i did him then i undid it then he did it back to me and now wont remove it. Because he is going to ireland with his wife and his bro and said they picked there because she wanted to go there and so did his bro who will be celebrating his anniversary. and said he doesn’t want me to get upset by posts that he will add me back afterwards in july. I always wanted to go and we talked as we would go there together. That was a slap in the face just to hurt me. I just dont understand him or know here or what to do now. I cry at a blink of a eye and that too can be hormonal as i may be premenopausal who knows…I just know I love him and i know he loves me but we dont know what to do. And for anyone reading this and thinking we are cheats..No One plans on doing anything to hurt the spouses we no longer are in love with till a divorce is final if it ever comes to that. Thank you look forward to some help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 9:17 am

Hi Pjo,

I think what you need to do first is settle your issues individuay.. If he’s not getting a divorce, let it go. But as for you, if you really are divorcing your husband, be more focused on being financially independent from your ex husband. And also, if he’s going to divorce his wife, how will he have his own income? He has to settle that too, because if you’re going to be together and you’re the only one who has a job, that will put a strain in your relationship

Feten

May 22, 2016 at 10:22 pm

Good article really!! however I’m not sure whether my ex is a stabborn bastard or a frantic caller that turned into ignorer!Hot and Cold (he’s a libra and I’m a leo).. what should I do? How should I react? Should I continue with my 5 month no contact period?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 11:38 am

Hi Feten,

if he’s hot and cold, then it’s more reason for you to do no contact.

Sam

May 22, 2016 at 8:46 pm

Hi there,
My ex- fiance and I have been together for 3 years in June on my birthday. Well, about 12 weeks ago, I was with a friend, and we had plans that had fallen through. So my girlfriend decided that we hang out with people I didn’t know. (I trust this girl, she’s like a sister) So, we go over to these people’s house, and I waited to even think about drinking for a few hours so I could get a feel of what the group was like. Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to drink, and everyone was aware that I was engaged. Well, after a few drinks I decided to go inside to use the restroom, and one of the guys followed me. I didn’t think much of it because him and I had light conversation’s about his upcoming move. Well, once I left the restroom, he tried talking to me and then instantly started trying to make-out with me. I was livid! I pushed him off of me, started crying, called my mom to pick me up, and left. It took me a week to tell my fiance what happened, but I did. Of course, he was obviously upset, but he said we should just start fresh… Well, we were absolutely perfect for 10 weeks, and then the other day, he said he couldn’t forgive me, and that every time he kisses me that he thinks of that incident. However, during this 10 weeks, our family had absolutely no idea anything was wrong. Him and i were essentially better than before, very intimate, spending more time together, and we had purchased a car together. We had been talking about the wedding, planning to view a new apartment, and he was just signing me up for the rest of my college classes…
Now, I had to delete my social media sites because the guy that made a move on me was stalking me, and I also did it to add a sense of security for my fiance. Now, we live together, so that day he said he couldn’t do it, I left to give him some space to think… Well, things haven’t really gone as planned. I went back two days later, asking for forgiveness for something I didn’t even reciprocate. He said, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Its now been 10 days since our last contact, and he hasn’t made any effort to text, call, anything. We have never been the couple to go more than a few hours without speaking. I’m beginning to panic. Yesterday was my wedding dress fitting, and he knew that.. Help me.. Is this no contact rule going to help in my favor? Is he overreacting and just struggling with it? Did he try and push it away without really dealing with his feelings and now they’re coming up? I do not want to lose my best friend/soulmate. I love him very much and we are so good together. Our relationship hasn’t really had any hiccups, and hardly any fights.. Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 11:23 am

Hi Sam,

I hope you talked again. He should be on your side because you were a victim.

Denisa

May 22, 2016 at 5:01 am

Well, Im in NC and completely ignoring my ex. At the beginning he wanted to talk about casual things but after few days I got into NC. He was nice, nut now he is getting annoyed and says that its stupid from me that I dont talk to him, and Im crazy. Dont know ehat that means

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 8:42 pm

It’s ok to reply polite if he initiates since you’re in school together but reply directly only. Don’t be engaging for a conversation.

Tony

May 21, 2016 at 2:31 pm

I finally found a site that gave me a little hope to my situation and I’ve been checking back since the 18th to see if I had reply only to find my inquiry deleted 🙁

Tony

May 21, 2016 at 2:35 pm

Nevermind. Its still here, the site is just different when using mobile. Still awaiting moderation and im perfecrky fone with that. Take yiur time and thanks so much in advance 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 6:28 pm

Hi Tony,

sorry for the late reply.. You said he promised you he would not sexually betray you? wad that before he knew you loved him? but even if it’s like that maybe that’s one of the reason he cried when he knew you loved him. Maybe he felt guilty.. Anyways, it’s better if you continue no contact so that both of you can clear your heads

Karina

May 19, 2016 at 9:25 pm

Hi. I met a guy at a school reunion last July 2015 – yeah corny I know! We hit it off and began messaging. I am separated. He has never married (both in late 40s). I asked if he wanted to meet me for a drink. He said he was busy so I left it and presumed he was not interested. Fast forward to now. Regular messaging, initially as friends. Met up a few times in large groups where he barely speaks to me as if he is frightened of me. He always drives me home but has never made a move however online he becomes very open. Last time we met I messaged him after and told him he looked good and to let me know if he wanted to meet for a drink sometime. He was non-committal and so I have decided not to contact him but miss chatting to him. Why do men do this? Feeling pretty foolish at being a diversion and nothing more.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 10:23 pm

Hi Karina,

Maybe he’s just being nice?

Tony

May 18, 2016 at 7:12 pm

I’m hoping the NC rule works no matter what ‘type’ of relationship, but I’ll give it a try. I’ve known my ex for about 12 years, and we dated in the past for a short time and just went our separate ways (on good terms). We’d only seen each other in passing a couple of times within the passed 11 years and it was always pleasant. Well, I got out of a 10 year relationship a year ago because I wasn’t happy and when he learned I was single, he asked me out in Oct of last year. Although I wasn’t really interested at the time, I told him that we could just hang out and see where it goes with no labels. Well, it actually went VERY well and things were going so great. We had little tiffs here and there, but nothing major. Then 6 months into the relationship I decided i’m actually in love with him and it came up in conversation that what would I do if he had to move when he gets his Doctorate and I told him that “It would take a little time to sell the house, but I would go with him” as we’d already discussed him moving into my house with me. He broke down bawling and I asked him why, and he told me it was because he didn’t realize I actually was in love with him until that moment. 2 weeks later, I found out that he’d been sexting with another guy he’d been doing that with for years. That hurt me so bad because I’d fallen in love with him and he’d promised he would never sexually betray me like I’d been done so many times in the past. I decided to forgive him because I felt like he may be ‘the one’ and he had just made a mistake due to timing and not realizing that he loved me. I’d still catch him looking at other guys while we were in public, so I had to take some pride and respect myself and break it off.

Tony

May 18, 2016 at 7:14 pm

Please disregard this one and use the one below. This is only half.

Tony

May 18, 2016 at 5:17 pm

I’m hoping the NC rule works no matter what ‘type’ of relationship, but I’ll give it a try. I’ve known my ex for about 12 years, and we dated in the past for a short time and just went our separate ways (on good terms). We’d only seen each other in passing a couple of times within the passed 11 years and it was always pleasant. Well, I got out of a 10 year relationship a year ago because I wasn’t happy and when he learned I was single, he asked me out in Oct of last year. Although I wasn’t really interested at the time, I told him that we could just hang out and see where it goes with no labels. Well, it actually went VERY well and things were going so great. We had little tiffs here and there, but nothing major. Then 6 months into the relationship I decided i’m actually in love with him and it came up in conversation that what would I do if he had to move when he gets his Doctorate and I told him that “It would take a little time to sell the house, but I would go with him” as we’d already discussed him moving into my house with me. He broke down bawling and I asked him why, and he told me it was because he didn’t realize I actually was in love with him until that moment. 2 weeks later, I found out that he’d been sexting with another guy he’d been doing that with for years. That hurt me so bad because I’d fallen in love with him and he’d promised he would never sexually betray me like I’d been done so many times in the past. I decided to forgive him because I felt like he may be ‘the one’ and he had just made a mistake due to timing and not realizing that he loved me. I’d still catch him looking at other guys while we were in public, so I had to take some pride and respect myself and break it off. Just a couple of days into the break up after having him get his things, I felt like I’d made a terrible mistake and was trying to let him know, but his tone has changed and he wouldn’t return my phone calls or texts. It seems like he flipped the tables on me and passing the blame to me and saying that I can’t have an adult conversation with him without treating him like trash (which I’d said some pretty hurtful things because I was hurting he didn’t respect me enough). So it’s been a week today since I broke it off and had been trying to talk to him for even a bit of closure but he refuses to see me and said it will be a long while before that ever happens. I left him a voicemail telling him to focus on his Mom who is ill and I will continue to pray for her and I love him and not to listen to his friends. This was last night. Do you think that NC with him will make him see what he has done and try and contact me later? In this case, I am very much in love but had to respect myself and do what I didn’t really even want to do. He forced me to though. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Isabella

May 18, 2016 at 1:37 pm

Hi my boyfriend broke up with me two days ago. I’m trying the NC rule to get my ex back. Today he tried contacting me via text and I did not respond. By evening he called me asking me if I’m ok and said I’m ok. I wish I didn’t pick up the call. I sounded calm and cool when I spoke. It was not a long call maybe 5 seconds, he sounded relieved and then we said bye. I feel stupid for answering that call. What do I do now!?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi Isabella,
you should restart the count after that call

Amrita

May 17, 2016 at 5:54 am

Hey.i met dis guy from facebook,he is 4 yrs younger to me. We flirted. Den i became serious for him. I am doing job bt he is searching for job. So he said after he gets job,we will meet. And we didnt talked. Then aftr sme months he begged to meet me. At first i was denying. Then i went to meet me. He cried dat he missed me. Bt he knew dat i was dating othr guys. Then every gaps we used to meet. Vry rarely talks. Bt nw he is avoiding me suddenly. He has blocked my number,blocked on all social medias. But i am missing him badly. I want him. I want to see him.want to talk. Dont know wat to do?

Jennifer Seiter

May 21, 2016 at 2:09 am

If you are completely blocked out read this post. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-if-your-ex-boyfriend-blocks-you/

How old are you two if you don’t mind me asking?

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