The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Steve Ristov

September 22, 2016 at 4:48 am

i have been with girlfriend for 6 months all up. 4months was the honey moon period went really well..told me she loves me ect..yes we had ups and downs but love was there. Then she went on a holiday for 6 weeks. A holiday booked before we met…wanted me to come but couldnt because of work…half way through the holiday she just went cold turkey out of knowhere…she was confused..ect…dont know what happened half way through that holiday but since that time and since she is back…the last 6weeks have been cold…rarely talking…arguing if anything…her family still love me…her facebook status still all there…its wierd…so the last msg i sent her was two days ago saying “if you need space take all the space in the world ect..and get back to me if you truly know what you want”..from what ive heard she has been dating crap guys and last few bfs have been crap…she is 35 and i think she is fearing that same cycle will happen..but i know im better then them. Im 29 btw and she and i both know that we are soul mates and are meant to be.

Now my question…i havnt texted the last two days…the most i have given her space was 4-5days then i text…then she replies right away being a smart ass and asking for more space needs to get new job sorted ect..so alot is actually going on in her life…coming back to no job ect..and needs a place to stay. So was wondering is it the right time to use the no contact rule? so she realises how important i am in her life? or has she probably met someone else? im confused.

help would be great thanks

Steve Ristov

September 22, 2016 at 5:23 am

one more thing..i do love her…and i know she does too but she is confused, scared.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 1:02 pm

Hi Steve,

yes, I think it’s better to just start no contact since that’s what she’s been asking you right? Use this time to improve yourself too.. I think you should do 30 days
Steve Ristov

September 22, 2016 at 4:53 am

like i dont think she will cheat…but no one knows in this generation…but if she met someone better for instance she wouldnt keep me on a string…thats why i gave her the space…2 days so far no talking..she is still on my facebook…still together ect…so was thinking should i wake her up and snap out of this post holiday blues and stress and fear by using the NO CONTACT RULE? i think itll work well and she will realised where her heart really is? or my fear would be if she actually doesnt love me and she was faking it all along…and wants me to give her space and slowly drift away…but ive never gone without contact for more then 4days…but deep down i know she loves me…those first 4months was beautiful and i know we are both in love.

Love Bug

September 22, 2016 at 1:57 am

Hi My boyfriend and I were together for a little over two years everything was good for the first 1.5 years. Then we started having more and more arguements especially the final stages of our relationship. We had an argument and didnt speak to each other for a month. I then messaged him asking why he didnt say anything to me since we didnt officially break up his reply was basically that i seemed happy based on my snap videos and he didn’t want to spoil that. We kept talking for a few days because I wanted to find out if he wanted the relationship still. One day we were talking and I got upset and told him I wasn’t going to speak to him anymore because it wasn’t going anywhere, he immediately said he was sorry and that he loved me badly. I felt like this meant we were finally getting somewhere, that he actually was going to pursue me but we just kept talking with no real advancement. I asked him what was up if he doesn’t want the relationship back he said he wants me but he can’t stand the arguements we keep having later that day I told him its hard to talk to him every day knw we’re not together so I think we should stop communicating for a while he asked me what about him I said he can cope better than I can he said but we’re just talking I said u won’t get it but just accept it he said ok I get the drift but dont have to speak to me like that. Im day 2 of nc currently…do I think I’ll get him back?

Love Bug

September 22, 2016 at 2:44 am

Hi My boyfriend and I were together for a little over two years everything was good for the first 1.5 years. Then we started having more and more arguements especially the final stages of our relationship. We had an argument and didnt speak to each other for a month. I then messaged him asking why he didnt say anything to me since we didnt officially break up his reply was basically that i seemed happy based on my snap videos and he didn’t want to spoil that. We kept talking for a few days because I wanted to find out if he wanted the relationship still. One day we were talking and I got upset and told him I wasn’t going to speak to him anymore because it wasn’t going anywhere, he immediately said he was sorry and that he loved me badly. I felt like this meant we were finally getting somewhere, that he actually was going to pursue me but we just kept talking with no real advancement. I asked him what was up if he doesn’t want the relationship back he said he wants me but he can’t stand the arguements we keep having later that day I told him its hard to talk to him every day knw we’re not together so I think we should stop communicating for a while he asked me what about him I said he can cope better than I can he said but we’re just talking I said u won’t get it but just accept it he said ok I get the drift but dont have to speak to me like that. Im day 2 of nc currently…do U think I’ll get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 12:51 pm

Hi Love bug,

even though you didn’t speak for a month before, that month wasn’t actually focused in improving yourself right? Do that now and then after this nc, don’t argue. If he starts it, don’t engage. Take it slowly to build rapport.

Walloftalent

September 21, 2016 at 8:49 pm

Hi i feel i need to share my current situation. I had been dating a guy who was travelling in the country i am from for some time. At the beginning it was just a bit of fun since we knew eventually he would have to move back. I was trying to keep neutral but the more we saw each other the more we began feelings for one another. We never really communicated these at the time as we both knew he had to leave. The day he left it was pretty obvious of my feelings and I felt he was the same. I didnt ever think id see him again as he was going travelling for a month on his way home. Turns out we started missing each other madly. I had fallen for him and vice versa. On departure he sent me flowers for my birthday with a miss you note. Things got desperate and we needed to see each other so i travelled to one of the cities he was travelling around just to see him. Fast forward we decided to do long distance for 5/6 months and the more time went on the serious the talks and what ifs i confided in lots of good headed people and made the hard decision to move to his country to be with him (10,000 miles away!) I left a very good job, flat and family but thise things had seemed so irrelevant since he had gone anyway. I was up for the move. On arrival it was the best feeling in the world..he had secured us a place and weve really enjoyed every moment of living together..even now. It took me a while to find work and i kinda became a bit down for feeling far away and cut off after a while. I was unhappy in the job id landed..felt like such an outsider but kept living through it despite this for my visa to stay with him whom i was very happy with. Iver time he had said to me he wasnt so sure about us anymore but with me being his first relationship at 26 yrs old we just looked at it as cold deet. In our situation we had to move quickly since were from opposite sides of the earth. Over time he had not been sure but didnt want to brung it up with me to see if it could work..i had also been unwell which probably didnt help with my various other struggles! A recent conversation revealed that this had changed in to he doesnt think we are right for each other and that im enjoying living over here so thinks i should go home if we are to have a shot in the future. He wants us to end and says hecwants to be on his own while he figures things out. Thus means me moving ten thousand miles back. He said he loves me but wants me to be happier..thing is..he is ultimately what makes me happy as im head over heels in love with him..i have had previous relationship and this guy ticks all the boxes of someone i want a future with. I cant help he worries about locations too but thats solvable. He says if he realises hes made a mistake and misses me he will come over to me and we can make a plan. I’ve never experienced this before and especially away so far from home..it feels very lonely! He is going on normally..hugging kissing me telling me he loves me every day. Just like when he left my country i think he needs me out of sight to know if he misses me. Its so confusing the whole thing..and what makes it worse is the distance from my family, timezones and sacrifices i have made. I have only been here for ten months. What do you think to this please?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 9:57 pm

Hi Wall of talent,

if he’s really the only thing that makes you happy then how can you feel down being away from your family, unhappy in a job and feeling out of place when the ultimate reason for your happiness was right there? That’s because you know he’s not the ultimate happiness.. He’s just a part of what can make you happy. And now, you’re off balance and that’s all he can feel from you. I’m not saying it’s all your fault but the truth is, it’s really hard to be away from your home and you need an outlet. Otherwise, that will happen. The relationship got negative from him because that’s all he can feel from you. If you’re set in going back home, that means you have to approach it like a long distance relationship. And then start no contact once you’re there.

Michelle

September 21, 2016 at 4:21 am

Me and this guy have been in each others lives for 10 years it started with puppy love relationship then he brokeup with me because i did something somehow disrespectful, after that i txt and called but he eather ignored me or send mean msgs bk rarely. So i stopped .. Found a message from him months later because of the holidays .. We talked casually as friends and nvr talked about the relationship .. Continued like that for years ( being away but friendly and He always find a way to txt me ) we meet by acciedent in this random cities and that leads him to txt me .. He was always smitten but sometimes hides it well and sometimes just tell me everything. But suddenly in the past year and a half i developed these strong feeling towards him out of nowhere .. Called suddenly and told him he was super cold and said he had enough with me and my ups and downs so he will pass. I agreed but asked him one thing only: not to contact me again he agreed. A month later he txted me Hey i responded and after i asked didnt we agree? He got upset and stop responding and stayed like that for a year! In the last ten days we meet in a country by acciedent when i realise he was there i txt him we met and talked about it all and suddenly he said he wants to give this another try i was happy about it but felt like he said that because of the moment . In the next 10 days a rooler coaster of emotions one day he is great the nect day he is drinking badly and tells me he is going through bad stuff .. Until last day where he got drunk so baad i was with him in this hotel and he passed out or slept i dunno i dnt have experience and he knows so i freaked out! He woke up on me being crazy and scared and frantic asked him to take me home because i was alone and it was late night .. He said relax lets talk but i couldnt .. He said if u leave the hotel lobby we r done! And i said i just want to go home so i went out and he followed me without talking refuse to reapond he said im just taking u home thats the last thing ull c from me . I walked fast to try to get away and lost him on purpuse he tried callin i said im fine leave me alone he said ok and hung up and that was the last thing. After that i called nxt morning no respond .. Txt him on snap chat since its the only social media we share he opened my nice message and no responde. I stoped doing anything but the weird part is that he still watches my story everytime i post aomething its not like him to do something like that.. I dont watch his since i started the nc .. He is angry bitter and stunborn 🙂 help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 10:07 pm

Hi Michelle,
even though you did a lot of nc.. It looks like you always had a bad start. And you weren’t focused in improving yourself in the past right? Want to try that now?

Eliza

September 19, 2016 at 11:42 pm

So me and my ex have been together for almost a year, he recently decided to break up with me bc he wanted to focus on school, applying for colleges and work. We’ve been through a lot together he’s cheated on me and I’ve done the same but it wasn’t as bad and we’ve still managed to pull through. (He’s a senior in high school and I’m a sophomore in college btw) and we talk every now and then. Our break up was a mixture between mutual and toxic. He keeps assuming that I’m talking with other guys and I’m not. I’m too afraid to do the NC for 30 days bc I don’t think he’s really like any of these guys on here, he gets bipolar. Like one day he’ll want to tell me about his day then the next he acts like I don’t mean anything to him. He also tells me we might get back together later but I’d rather be with him now…we talked about marriage (I know we’re young but we felt comfortable talking about it from time to time), he even admits that we’re both too young to think about stuff like that. We also talked about getting a place together etc etc. I tried NC on my last last ex boyfriend but it didn’t work for me so I’m too scared to try again.

Eliza

September 19, 2016 at 11:50 pm

We both even saved each other’s stuff that we gave each other if we got back together. I’m not gonna lie we decided on a fwb but we stopped after a day or two. He says he occasionally looks at my twitter and he just now started posting stuff on his snapchat story I’m assuming for me to see. Should I ignore it? I mean we’re best friends even when we weren’t together, so it’s hard not to tell him everything. He told me that he’d always be there for me when I need to vent/ rant about my day or if I need someone he’d be there until he started or I started talking with anyone
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 4:56 pm

Hi Eliza,

well no contact rule is not for everyone and there’s no guarantee that it will work.. I’m just wondering why it didnt work with your other ex? How long did you do it, what did you do during and after it?

Airina

September 18, 2016 at 3:54 pm

Hey!So me and my ex broke up 2 months ago.I’m on my 15th days of ncr( no contact rule) period.During my 5th of ncr,he called and texted me asking me to responds to his calls and texts.But I didnt.I stick firmly to my ncr period.On my 13th day of NCR he said that I took him for granted but I didnt respond.The reason he acted like this was I think due to because I hide my profile pics in WhatsApp which led him to think that I threw his number away,which I didnt.I hide my profile pics because I just feel like it? But then he was angry at me for no solid reasons.He act like I’m the one who dumped him.Before I iniate the NCR,i did told him that I needed some space away to clear my head since he was “friend zoning” me after we broke up and I told him,I will talk to you when I’m ready.And now,he is mad at me?He threw away my number,unfriend me on facebook and unfollow me on instagram.I was really confused since I didnt do or said anything to him during NCR.So why he’s so mad at me?We broke up because he said I was clingy and needy and he needed some space but now he kept on saying I took him for granted?Lord,help me! I iniate NCR because I want him back but he seems like hating me now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 10:52 am

HI Airina,

In a way, that’s good because it means he’s affected. He’s just used to you being clingy, so maybe unconsciously, he thought being angry would make you chase him again. Stay strong in nc.. You informed him. That’s enough. He will probably go back to what you said and realize that you are really trying to heal..

Kara

September 18, 2016 at 12:49 pm

After two long weeks of living with my ex, I finally caved and found a new place to live. We agreed to no contact, but he kept reaching out to me for random things. Finally, I asked him to abide by our “no contact rule” for 30 days (I read this site too late and didn’t realize I was just supposed to stop responding). Did I mess it up because I told him about the no contact?

Pooja

October 19, 2016 at 3:25 pm

3 days back one of his frnd called me up and told me that he is really sad abt me not talking to him. He has told his frnd to tel me to reply fr once. And then i replied. He said he loves me, he said he missed me so much that he went nuts sending 20 msgs every day. He also said he never wanna lose me again. Everything is fine. And NC has worked wonders. Feels like a miracle. I hope this stays such forever. Thank you so much, wudnt’ve been possible witout ur help 🙂 you’ve got me back my life. I cant tell you how grateful i am.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 21, 2016 at 12:59 pm

you’re welcome Pooja!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 2:20 pm

Hi Kara,

yeah.. but, I think he still doesnt expect you to improve and live your life better during and after it.. so, try that..

Pooja

September 18, 2016 at 10:22 am

Hello, me and my boyfriend were in a realtionship for almost one and a half months.. we broke up around 6 months back.. our relationship was very good, he never cheated on me and i never did on him. 6 months back he told me that his parents are not gonna accept our relationship, and said it wud b better to breakup now than to breakup after 7 yrs (we are 18 now), since its gonna be very hard after all the years. He said he still loves me but just cant be with me. We still used to talk to each other. After 3 months of our breakup, he asked me if we could get back.. we did get back for a week, and then he said he wants to breakup again because he doesnt have the time now, and the same reason fr the previous breakup. And for the next 3 months we remained friends. Last month i saw a picture of a girl kissing him on cheeks, i was frustrated and asked him abt it. She was interested in him right from the time we were committed. He was hanging out wit all his friends and that girl joined them, and while taking pictures she kissed him he dint know how to react. I dont know how true this is. The kissing happened right after our breakup, and i remember he told me that day that he is sorry, and that he did something wrong, and i very guilty about it. Now he is fine, we are still friends, but last week when we met, he said he never stopped loving me, its just the situation. He was drunk when he told me all that. Im going to implement the NC rule on him, do you think it will work ? Im totally into him and can never imagine my life without him. Please help me.

Pooja

October 16, 2016 at 5:00 pm

He has been sending 20 msgs a day telling me to stop doing this and to reply.. he says sorry , pls reply, atleast tel me wats on ur head, etc etc.. its getting harder for me to maintain the NC 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 17, 2016 at 5:14 pm

at least 20 a day? Yes, you can break nc now..
BUT
remember, it doesn’t mean he has changed his mind..so talk to him about that.. Talk to him about your standards.. Because there’s a chance that he will try to offer friendship or ask for more time, but ask yourself and ask him, until when?

And if there are really no changes in the coming days or weeks that means he’s just stringing you along…
Pooja

October 16, 2016 at 5:55 am

He hasnt said anything like that Coz i dint reply to any of his msgs. But may b if i reply he might talk about it. Should i reply? Is it time to end the NC thing? And its his bday on oct 20. What should i really do? I dont want to do anything wrong and spoil all the effort. Please tel me what to do.
Pooja

October 14, 2016 at 2:33 pm

He has sent me 20 to 30 msgs in the 30 days. And very very frequently these days, like almost everyday. Is this a good sign ? Is there any chances that i can get him back ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 5:07 pm

It is a good sign but did he say he wants you back and he’s ready to fight for you now? That he has already made the changes?
Pooja

October 14, 2016 at 2:28 pm

Hello
Ive been doing my NC rule for the past 30 days. And he has alredy started sending me messages telling me to stop doing this avoiding thingy, he says stuffs like ‘stop doing this revenge thing’ ‘are you.revenging me ? ‘ ‘Ill keep troubling you until you reply’ etc.. he sends me such msgs almost everyday for the past one week. Next week is his birthday. What should I do? Is it time to end this and start replying ? Or should i continue this ? And should i wish him for his birthday? Of yes, how should i? Something special or just a normal text or a late cal ? Help me please. I feel like his response is favourable. He sends msgs everyday these days. And likes my instagram pictures too.
Pooja

September 26, 2016 at 3:11 pm

Thanks. Ill doall that i can do to be the best of myself. Thank you 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 1:48 pm

You’re welcome!
Pooja

September 24, 2016 at 4:53 am

He is too important for me to let him go. Last week when i met him he was drunk, and tolde that he still loves me, and that he never stopped loving me. But its just his situation. Ive heard that people mostly tell out the truth when they are drunk. When we were in a relationship, for almost 18 months, it has been very very beautiful, so much love, no one can even imagine a guy doing this for a girl. I just want to give it one last chance. Is there any other way that he will come back to me for any reason? Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 7:30 pm

You can’t force him to be independent. Really, the best you can do is make him want you by your best self. Why? Because if he sees that you’re the best girl in his life and he would lose you if he doesn’t step up, then there’s a great chance that he would fight for you. Be the ungettable girl.

If you remain friends with him and you’re too available, he might not fight for you because there’s no need anymore. He has to feel that he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t grow a spine..
Pooja

September 21, 2016 at 2:50 pm

His parents dont know that he is in a relationship. He has a cousin beother, he is 25 and is working. He loved a girl in his office and told his parents about his relationship to take it forward. But his whole family was against his relationship, stopped him frm work, and reacted in a very bad way. He isnt able to see his girlfriend anymore. My boyfriend is afraid that they will react the same way for our relationship wen we are 25. But wat i tell him is that, anything can change in these years. May be his parents will change in the years and accept me. But its too early to think about all that now. I think i love him to much to let him go for such a reason. Im on a NC rule for 5 days now, and he texted me once, and i diny reply. And then he dint respond. What should i do? What is on his mind right now ? Will this work ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 23, 2016 at 8:34 am

For me, he’s in the right age to have a relationship and he’s in the right age to fight for what he wants.. That’s his call. If he doesn’t do that, then you saved yourself from a lifetime of trying to prove yourself and him not fighting for you. There’s no guarantee that the nc will work. The best you can do is just to keep improving yourself to make him regret not fighting for you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 2:03 pm

Hi Pooja,

Why doesnt his parents like you? Is it you or they just really dont want him to be in a relationship yet?

Morgan

September 18, 2016 at 4:01 am

Hi, I was dating a guy for exactly a year. Three months in he just disappeared and did no contact for NO REASON AT ALL. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to do so I proceeded to reach out to him and one week later he responded. I wanted to break up with him but I wanted to get my things so I asked him out for a drink. When I got to his house, he tried to act like nothing happened, which I of course did not. I felt like pulling teeth but I got him to explain why he did that to me. He said it was because his mother abandoned him. That did not feel like a reason to ghost me but he began to get upset so I dropped it and we got back together. He did this to me 3 more times and I was always the one to mend things because I loved him and wanted to keep my promise of never abandoning him. He is a busy doctor and I know he can’t text me 24/7 so I told him that every other day or no more than 3 days should go by without him either reaching out to say hello or responding to my good morning or good night text. When I was out of town for 2 weeks, he allowed 5 days to go by without me hearing from him or him responding to my greeting. I was very frustrated because I have had this discussion with him so many times and he always said, “I’m getting better though, right baby?” I told him that I was annoyed with him because I don’t ask anything of him except that he say hello on occasion especially since I was out of town. I told him that I love him and that I deserved an explanation because I am an incredible woman who deserves to be treated like a queen. I never heard from him and thought maybe my tone was too strong so I left him a verbal message apologizing for the tone. I also send him a hand written note and card. Nothing. It’s been 6 weeks and the ghosting continues. I am absolutely devastated but I had to stand up for myself and tell him how I felt. In all honestly, why am I surprised that this happened? He’s done it before out of the blue but this time I gave him a reason by confronting him while frustrated. We had a very good relationship so it’s been quite difficult for me to move on. He didn’t respond to my generous reach outs so it feels like we are done. I know that he loves me and I love him. I feel like I want him back but I just don’t know. He obviously cares nothing about me if he can just discard me the way he did. Anyway, I’m just not sure how to proceed or even if I should 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Hi Morgan,

for me you should move on..

broken

September 17, 2016 at 5:02 pm

My man stoped communicating with me after he could not get a leave for the holiday that we planned together (we are long distance, we met 7months ago, and we met 4times and he always made the way to meet me, chat with me almost every single day and called me about 1-2 times a week) So I got a little upset about our trip and i wasnt understanding, as we were planning this a month early and i got so excited (havent seen him for 3months) and we were crazy about each other and wanted to be together so much…so after a little conflict and probably missunderstanding he stopped chatting or talking to me. Absolutely nothing. He had one very negative, depressed msg to me about “how stupid he is that he cant satisfy anybody, and also nobody cares about him because everyone around him cares about their own needs and happiness”…I responded to his message saying that I cared about him and supported him always therefore he is not right this time. I told that my heart is a bit tired to prove that it is all his and how much i care about him, so i asked him to call me or msg me when he wants to share his thoughts with me or misses me.
Than he got silent.
I send him a message not even 2days passed after this incident…he did not opened my message on 2different apps then I sent him another message after another day passed, he did not open it. he opened after a week 2of my messages and another week passed again he opened my last messages on fb. All i said that how much i miss him and i wanted no any break from him ever, and i love him so much and together we can fix anything. I also did apologized! So i did all my best i could and it is all real, our love is real and i want him back. I am silent 2weeks now, except a short holiday greetings to him 6days ago. which he responded to with a “thank you” and a ” hope you are having a great time” message. I did not respond to it at all. I miss him like crazy, I am getting better and letting him go and living my life, but he is on my mind most of the days…I want him back. He promised we will never lose each other, and we are soulmates -he said.
I dont know what went wrong! Does NC will help here???
Thanks a lot!!!!

broken

September 25, 2016 at 10:38 am

Hi Amor
I have an update on my issue. I posted a picture on insta 3days ago and he liked it, although it was only a heart shaped cloud and i hashtag “iloveyou” so it was clearly a message from me that i am waiting and still love him. He not yet message me and I am now even more confused. why he liked that picture? was it a small step from him? I really want to message him and break the ice. I dont think NC would work with him as he is very sensitive person. I feel that he is waiting for me to start. Its been 3weeks that I sent him the messages that he did not respond to. What do you suggest?
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 3:36 pm

If he’s sensitive, he doesn’t seem to be as sensitive as you knew him because first he didn’t respond to your last message and now he’s not initiating contact which would be hard for a sensitive person. It’s like what you feel right now. He liked your photo and all you want to do is message him because it hurts you that he didn’t but you can’t because you’re in the no contact rule.

If he is feeling the same as you are and he’s not in the no contact rule, why hasn’t he messagde you?
For me, he’s not as sensitive now as you knew him before. I’m not saying he’s not affected but you’re the one who’s being sensitive right now. Stay strong. you only have a few days left where you only focus in yourself. After no contact, you would be juggling building rapport while maintaining your routine. So, make the most out of the last of no contact.
broken

September 19, 2016 at 12:27 pm

Hi Amor,

just one question regarding my issue above. Is NC include absolutely no posting on instagram or snapchat? Should my boyfriend not see anything of me during this time or is it good if he sees positive informations about my life? What would make him miss me more?

Thanks a lot! Look forward to your reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 5:56 pm

Hi Broken,

it’s ok to be active in social media. Especially now you should..
Something happened apart from him not being able to leave, and it looks like he just really needs space right now..
Check this one:
The “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You” Video

Adison

September 17, 2016 at 3:03 pm

i used nc rule. first week he call me so many time. but after that he doesn’t contact me. Now, it’s taken almost 3 weeks that we haven’t talked we’d never be like before. what should i do? (we had been together for 1.5year we broke up bc of long distance – different country) yesterday i talked to fortuneteller, she told me that i should move on bc he’s already moved on too. I love him soon much now i don’t know what should i do to take him back.

Adison

September 19, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Do you have any suggest to me to get him back? I’m afraid that I’m not as important to him so much. maybe he’s already moved on
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 4:50 pm

Improving yourself is the most important factor in no contact. Personal growth is a big factor even in stable relationships because it makes the other person constantly interested in you and having your own life helps for you to be emotionally healthy. So, that’s just really it. Improve yourself.. Focus in being an ungettable girl.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Adison,

it’s normal that he would stop because of course, he would respect your space. The most important thing is that you improve yourself.

Emily

September 16, 2016 at 3:55 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. He is 39, divorced and shares 3 children with his ex wife. I am 25 with no children. He has maintained a relationship with his ex wife, mostly a negative one, as they often don’t see eye to eye on anything. I trust my boyfriend and don’t feel the need to check in on what’s going on with her; however, sometimes I Would act curious and get jealous. It doesn’t help that his ex wife texted me saying all the bad things he did while they were married. So sometimes that negative inner voice would get to me and make me question him, but not very often. Overall, we had a very positive relationship. We continue to live separately but I spend a lot of time at his place. Eventually when the time was right, I started spending time with the kids and most recently we all went on a vacation together. He is a very busy man and I respect his schedule by not being too needy. He is also not very good with communication, when we disagree, he shuts down, making me angry because he won’t talk to me. He’s admitted he needs to work on communication and I’ve admitted I have things to work on as well. Most recently things have been really great. He has acted very loving to me. One morning I snooped, which I don’t often do, and found a receipt from when he went out to a bar. I questioned him on it because he never told me about it. I definitely over reacted, said things I shouldn’t have, and he then asked for space to think about if he wants to be with me. Of course, the first few days I wouldn’t accept this. I told him I would fight for us, he said okay; however, the next day he said if I didn’t give him some space then we were done. We spent one night together after this and had a nice time but he said he still didn’t know what he wanted. THe following day at work, yes we work together, I did not speak to him. He left me a note on my desk saying hi. I did not reciprocate. I was confused. I feel for me until he knows what he wants that I need to give him space and try NC. It’s been 3 days. He has not tried to speak to me. We originally planned to speak on the 19th about everything. But now I don’t know how I should proceed.

Alissa

September 21, 2016 at 2:41 am

Hi Emily,
I feel like I have the exact same situation as you are going through…I would like to speak to you separately. please email me : alissak421@gmail.com
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 8:01 pm

Hi Emily,

you said sometimes you would act curious and that snooping is not something you don’t often do, which means it’s not the first time you did it. I think it was not often for you but for him, he got tired of it. I think you should check this one: EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Pam

September 15, 2016 at 2:13 am

Hi,I have started a NC .with my (ex) boyfriend.we dated a few year ago and we broke up ,he then got engaged to the girl and posted it on his page .I ended up moving away nov 2014 .well in oct 2015 he contacted me and we started talking again.he told me that he had missed me and the good times we shared.He had cheated on me and thats the reason we broke up.He still lives at home with his parents and is 38yrs old.I care about him but he puts me last on everything.he says we together but I cant tell..I only see him one day a week and he never makes plans to do anything or include me in anything.He has a foor fetish really bad and always wanting me ro video chat with him so he can see my feet.I told him that he was a jerk for coming back in my life to pkay games with ne again .He keeps a single status on his fb page and he is always busy doing audiosystems on his soare time.ai told him he never shows me that he cares for me when he always doing things without even asking me if I wanted to spend time with him.We never spend time together wxcept when he wants sex,rhen he will come see me.I told him how I felt and I wasnt gonna text or see him anymore and to be happy bc he finally got what he was trying to do this whole time…Push me away for good this time.I didnt text him anymore since aunday.He text me sunday night telling me good night and sweet dreams.I didnt reply back.I deactivated my fb so he cant see anything about me anymore..He hasnt tried to contact me anynore.He says i want everything my way or no way.but its actually him that he is talking about.Will he try to conract me again and should i tell hin to get lost Im having trust issues from last time we were together and He hasnt tried to help in any way to ease my distrust and he is trying.He says he wants to be with me but I think its for what He can get when we together for free and he feels comfortable wirh me bc of his fetish and he dont have to go looking for sex.He dont acknowledge we together with anyone but me and never takes ne anywhere like a couple does.Please how can I make him see that he will lose me if he dont start treating me with respect and make me a priority sometimes.I might not ever even hear from him again anyways.Im so confused and feel unloved.thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 11:31 am

Hi Pam,

We can’t force somebody to change. Yes, he showed you some care but for me you should move on.. Don’t lower your standards. If a guy disrespects you, walk away. Don’t stay just to wait for him to change. You can’t keep allowing the wrong people to stay in your life and then expect him to be the right one, when clearly he isn’t.

Erika

September 14, 2016 at 3:35 pm

Hi there,

I’m currently in the no contact period with my ex boyfriend but before this I was messaging him daily until he ended up not wanting to speak at all, mainly because his girlfriend wasn’t happy. He said he barely thinks about me anymore, but whenever I send an email or a message he will respond, rather than ignore me like his girlfriend asked. That is, I’d like to know firstly, is there a chance he may be thinking about me and that when I do send a message I have been on his mind because if I wasn’t, surely he would ignore me completely? Secondly, may he still like me because he’s going against his girlfriend wishes?

Erika

October 1, 2016 at 1:11 pm

He wishes to not talk whatsoever tho, so even after the 30 days are over I don’t think he’ll want me messaging him at all..
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 4, 2016 at 3:44 pm

It’s your choice.. Either you really make the most of your remaining days in no contact before initiating or you totally move on.
Erikawhat

September 29, 2016 at 2:59 pm

What would you advise I do from this stage? It has now been 2 weeks today since either of us have spoken to each other.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 11:17 pm

Just keep improving yourself. Focus in that because you only have a few days left for yourself only.. After that you would balance maintaining that routine while slowly building rapport with him.
Erika

September 26, 2016 at 9:46 pm

I agree with you and that’s maybe why he’s asked to not speak for a while? I mean before he didn’t want to talk and work things out with his girlfriend he said he loved me. Is he possibly using this time to see whether i change and then will possibly come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2016 at 8:01 am

hmm.. not really testing to see if he can come back to you, but more of checking if you are trying to get back with him. He’s making sure if you’ve really changed and not just acting a front to try to get him back
Erika

September 25, 2016 at 1:17 am

I don’t think I mentioned anything to make him defensive. He has a habit of being calm one minute and then suddenly changing his mood to being angry… it’s confusing. I haven’t heard anything from him lately and I haven’t messaged him…
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 25, 2016 at 11:24 am

Oh okay.. he must have been an over thinker. He just reacts to what he thinks..
Erika

September 20, 2016 at 7:31 am

What do you mean by because I asked him or accused him? Sorry, I’m a little confused. I’ve stuck with no contact since he asked to not speak for a while, as I feel like you said, he may want me to chase him to see how I actually feel, as he has accused me before or not actually loving him. I’m hoping to go for 30 days or 45 days if the 30 days doesn’t work and hopefully a good outcome will appear! I’ve started making changes in my life and showing them on social media, so hopefully that’ll have a good affect. What do you think? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 6:43 pm

oh sorry,

Did you asked him anything that made him reply nasty to you? Or mentioned anything that made him go defensive?
Erika

September 17, 2016 at 8:07 pm

I agreed with his terms to not speak for a long time as I have a feeling it may help him miss me more as it has done previously. I haven’t spoke to him since then however. But I’ve checked every social media and it seems as though he hasn’t blocked me on anything… We’ve been broken up for a while until we decided to give it another go a month or so back, only he turned around and said he wanted to work it out with his new girlfriend even tho he kept saying he didn’t know what he wanted. He’s also thrown a lot of nasty comments my way, some repeated, some new.. So I was wondering could you make anything of this? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 6:00 am

did he reply that way because you asked him or accused him? Anyways, take your power back by sticking to no contact..improve yourself and focus in yourself and regaining balance in your life…
Erika

September 15, 2016 at 3:21 pm

He just sent me a message today saying he thinks we shouldn’t talk for a long time that way we can maybe get over things that have happened. He also said I need to understand that when he blocks me I shouldn’t talk to him. Is that good or bad?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 5:49 pm

Hi Erika,

I hope you didn’t reply.. If he got in a relationship right after breaking up with you, then it’s just normal that he would still think about you, whether you message him or not because it’s human nature. The only translation I get from his last message is that he thinks you’re going to chase him.. You said you’re in no contact, did you break it? Did you keep talking to him?

tiana

September 13, 2016 at 8:43 pm

I dont consider him as an ex just because we weren’t together officially. He was a bipolar guy, he would be nice one day, disrespectful the other day. it was like walking on egg shells with him. Although, he is how he is i still loved him and treated him so good. We had good times, we were like best friends. we talked all day every day. 3 days ago, he made a comment that hurt my feelings and told him not to talk to me. Well, he hasnt. He replied with okay goodbye and just hasn’t made the effort to contact me. I haven’t contacted him because I think i deserve an apology and I don’t want to be the one always trying to make things better. Hes the stubborn guy. He has never apologized to me. Im not sure if hell come back or forget about me. Not contacting him is very hard and im trying so hard to send him a message.

tiana

September 13, 2016 at 8:44 pm

BTW we been dating for 3 years
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 16, 2016 at 7:53 am

Hi Tiana,

why arent you official? Is it like friends with benefits?

Scully

September 13, 2016 at 6:43 pm

Hy,
I just have a question. I don’t want to enter in too much details, but I also tried implementing the NC rule after the breakup. After 10 days I broke it, because he reached out to my friend and acting all concerned and treating me basically as the victim. I contacted him via email, just to say not to involve other people (I felt bad towards my friend) and very friendly I told him that I am fine, all is going great and that this relationship was nothing important for me either and that he should not worry anymore about me. I lied, because he was left with a clear sense that he was the one that got away, whereas after all the mess I just wanted to formally correct his perception. I know that the NC rule should not be broken, but can I salvage something, given that since we broke up that was my only break of the rule. Does it matter that I have reinstated the NC rule? What should I do? Thank you so much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 15, 2016 at 4:52 pm

Hi Scully

I’m a little confused. You said, he messaged your friend making it seem that you’re the victim, so that means you’re not really the victim and that you hold responsibility for the breakup? But then, you dont want him to think that you think he’s the one thay got away?

Maria

September 13, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Hi,
I have been dating this guy for a little more than a month. Everything was going great, he told me cute things and was very nice with me, he even said to my best friend he was starting to fall for me. Last weekend, I drank a little too much, and because I was very tired of work and school, I couldn’t handle my drinks and I got into a very messy fight with him. I texted him the next day and apologized and told him I wanted to meet and talk about it, he then said he didn’t want to and that he used to date me (in a past tense) because he had fun with me but that he couldn’t handle drama… I really like him and I feel very bad, I don’t know what to do, especially because his birthday is coming at the end of this week and I’m not sure if I should contact him or what to say to him.
Help please!! xx

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 5:41 pm

Hi Maria,

If you’re going to do the no contact rule, do just 21 days.. and that means not greeting him.. Focus in showing that you’re not going to chase him. That you have your own life.

Lolly

September 13, 2016 at 12:45 pm

Last night, my boyf of nearly 7 yrs dumped me by SMS!!
We talked about marriage a lot over last 3 years and every time we discussed a date, he made excuses. I demanded a date now as I have fertility issues and we have limited time to try IVF. (I’m 40, he is 41). This demand resulted in a short cruel text saying “I don’t want this and we are over”. I did not respond. I’m speechless.
We lived together for last 3 years, he always reassured me that he wanted marriage and children but actions speak louder than words don’t they? He never put a ring on it or set a date.
One month ago he said he wanted to ship his sports equipment, some clothes etc to his parents place as he wasn’t using them, they were taking up space. He basically emptied the house of all his belongings.
Then he went on a business trip abroad. we kept in touch daily, he said he missed me, he even made a detour to fly back and spend one day with me before next trip. Everything was great, we discussed wedding plans and within 24 hours of leaving, he sent me SMS.
As I mentioned, I haven’t responded to this message. Will the NCR have any affect on this guy? If I give him all this space will he miss me, will he take time to consider marriage commitment or am I wishing for impossible?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 5:27 pm

HI Lolly,

he will miss you, we just can’t guarantee that it will work for him to ask to marry you. But I’m going to be honest lolly, it’s been 7 years. It’s time to put a ring on it or you walk away. You can still try doing the no contact rule, before fully moving, to see if he will realize it.

But during nc, focus on having your own life and own routine. He has to see that you’re serious with moving on and not just doing it to make him commit.

Keng

September 13, 2016 at 10:14 am

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with last August for 3 reasons:
1) bcoz I onced had a fling with a another guy during our relationship (no that serious)
2) bcoz he is so pressured in his studies. It consumes almost all of his time. he needs to graduate bcoz his parents has a high expectations on him
3) he said he’s tired of us being in a long distance relationship. He wanted to focus in his studies for the meantime.

I did everything I could to win him back but it seems he is not going to change he’s mind. I tried the NC for a couple of days and I found out he’s stalking me on instagram. He texted me last week and I replied 🙁 so I failed the NC rule. We had a long convo after that. He said he’ll visit me during their school break. He wanted us to be friends but I cant accept that. I dnt want to be only his friend. I want to be his girl. I want to win him back! Do you think I should pursue again the no contact rule and this time complete the process ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 5:04 pm

Hi Keng,

I think you do need to restart and then listen this one too: EBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Ex

Jenny

September 9, 2016 at 7:36 am

Hello,

My boyfriend and I broke up about three weeks ago because of a lack of a communication and he lost feelings for me. When we broke up I begged for him back and made every mistake, but quickly turned it around and didn’t contact him for a week. I then thought it would be a good idea to be friends with benefits with him, and over this past weekend we hung out twice and had sex and talked about things for hours. He told me he will always have feelings but he doesn’t want to date right now and he just wants to be friends, which I accepted. We continued to snapchat and text but on Tuesday he told my best friend he was going to stop talking to me because he knows I still have feelings and that I need to move on. I confronted him and he said the same thing to me, I said “you act like you still care” and he said he cares about a lot of people and told me he does not have feelings like that for me anymore. I’m confused on how the no contact will work if he truly doesn’t have feelings for me, besides the no contact working for myself to move on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 11:08 am

Hi Jenny,

don’t be friends with benefits again. Take that as restart. Keep in mind that he has moved on when you initiate contact again so, that you will only start friendly. Think of him as somebody you like that doesn’t have feelings for you that you want to attract.

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