The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Laura

February 3, 2018 at 9:37 am

My boyfriend ( now ex?) were together 20 months. We lived together 6 1/2 months at one point and briefly split for a month. Then started again but remained in our own homes for 4 more months before he decided to moved several states away. We agreed I would follow him out in about 10 months down the line. While living together we experienced a miscarriage and he got into a physical altercation with my son. That lead to the split for the month. After getting back together the 2nd time he helped through knee surgery and said he felt like he had “just got me back”. Then he moved. 5 months went by after he moved and he started ignoring my text messages. Even going as far as waiting a week to reply. When he did reply there was always an excuse of some sort. I started talking to him about it being time to start making plans for me to move to him. His responses become vague and said we would talk but then wouldn’t contact me. I finally text him I was tired of his excuses and he could tell his lies to someone else after the 2nd time he told me we would talk and didn’t. I said I regretted being there for him and the times we spent together. I haven’t heard anything from him and it’s been two weeks. Should I continue no contact. I’ve blocked him on social media. I’ve unfriended his family so there could be ‘no spying’ on my accounts. I stopped communicating with his kids as well after 10 days to give me some sort of closure and to prevent asking about their dad (my ex) I have no idea why he decided to start ignoring me in the first place. I desperately want closure. What is he possibly thinking? Did we even technically “break up”? I really need help. I’m so heartbroken, after 20 months of I love you, miscarriage, living together, planning, and surgery. I sent him a ring for Christmas and he sent me a pic of him wearing it. Then three weeks later we are here with no contact or closure. WTH?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:47 pm

Hi Laura,
If you want to closure to move on, contact him.

Vanessa

February 2, 2018 at 1:46 am

I am not sure which category my ex fits into but I broke up with him because he spends a lot of time with friends after work and weekends and he said I shouldn’t be mad because he spends the night with me every night. I told him that I wanted more than that. I wanted to go out on dates again have a good time with him, and I would not conform to him treating my home like a hotel room. We got into a big argument on Sunday and he text me that same night saying sorry, I never responded, he text me the next morning saying I’m sorry, he text me again the next day saying could we talk please, I never responded today I received a text saying he loved me he missed me he feels stupid he’s sorry that he couldn’t be the man I deserved and that one day I would find the man I deserved, he said thank you for everything and then he said this is the last time you will ever hear from me im blocking your # so I said ok have a good day and that was the end of that.. please decipher this I’m still going through with NC because I think he is trying to play the victim card, and he’s used to me saying “I love you too, but i know your not going to change” then we would end up back together every time..so now what

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:05 pm

Hi Vanessa,

I think you’re right that he’s using the victim card on you.

Marianne

January 30, 2018 at 3:05 pm

I’ve been with my husband for 12 years (only 4 married) I’m 28, he’s 31, and we split 2 months ago to “fix things” in our marriage and then I found out he was cheating on me before we even split, I tried hard to forgive him, but he wasn’t willing to continue our relationship. He endend the affair but doesn’t know or wants to continue ours. So two days ago I told him it was over, that I didn’t wanted to be the one begging for love if he doesn’t wanted me. Yesterday I started the no contact rule and broke it. Haha so I am going to start it today, it sucks because I want to be with him, and he also has a slight hint he wants to be with me too but he doesn’t makes any moves. He did called and write to me yesterday super different from all the other days. So I guess that’s a good thing. The thing is, that I plan on making no contact rule but if he contacts me willing to start and try again I am not going to ignore him. Is it ok?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 5:26 pm

If he literally says he wants to get back together and will make it work, you can break nc, but if you don’t want to, that’s your call. If you’re not ready to forgive, take your time.

Alex

January 21, 2018 at 2:46 am

I recently ended a “dating” relationship ship with my ex. When I say dating I mean I could not get him to commit. I tried the no contact rule once before and he contacted me 3 days into it telling me how much he missed and would do anything to be with me. However, he still couldn’t do the relationship thing. So, after seeing him out last weekend, although all his attention was on me, I realize how annoyed I was that he wouldn’t commit, so I ended it, I told him that I had really deep feelings for him and I couldn’t do this just “dating” thing. His reply was he just wasn’t ready but didn’t want to upset me. So, in anger I told him it was done and over with. Would the no contact rule work in this situation? It’s been 5 days now and he hasn’t said a word to me, he didn’t even reply when I ended things. I think he thinks I will be bad because I have ended them at least 3 times before and things always worked out after a couple days. But this time I blocked him on all social media unlike last time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2018 at 2:59 pm

Hi alex,

It’s nit guaranteed to work in any situation..it just helps increase your chances.. And if you’re going to do nc, if he messages you, you can’t reply…

E

January 19, 2018 at 3:41 am

Hi ! So my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me two weeks ago because we were kinda distant and since I had some problems he wasn’t getting enough attention and wasn’t appreciated. However, two days later I was spamming him but not throughout the day and I never asked him to come back. Then I started the NC rule. It lasted for 6 days until I couldn’t and I asked him to block me on all social media. Then 2 days later I texted again saying I want to clear my head and we got talking and he kept saying how he doesn’t want to go back and his parents don’t want him to either. He ended by saying he wants to catch up once or twice a week but I said I can’t. And haven’t talked for three days since. I am trying to continue the NC rule but I don’t know if it will be useful considering he kept saying he doesnt want to get back together but he still does love me. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 20, 2018 at 2:09 am

Hi E,

do the nc rule for you, not for him.. Then later on decide if you still want to build rapport with him.

Saturn

January 17, 2018 at 7:31 pm

Hi,so my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me because I did some evaluation about us and told him we dont really hangout and he doesn't make me priority although I understand that he needs to take care of his sisters but he should think of me too and I told him he could not get someone better than me, so he told me in a bad way never to compare myself with his sisters (which was not what I was doing andthis really hurts ) he said some other things and he broke up with me, all i said after his text was "Alright dear" , i regret complaining ,not fighting for our relationship or explaining myself. We have not spoken since and he seems to be doing fine( social media) I'm so sad, this Is the second week , I'm dying to talk to him, I need closure.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2018 at 3:47 pm

Hi Saturn,

He broke up with you 2 weeks ago? If yes, are you improving yourself? How active are you in posting?

Charlotte

January 11, 2018 at 11:23 am

Hi Amor
Bad as in he totally lost interest in sex, spending time with me and just wanted space.
I just did my own thing but occasionally got upset that he didn’t care anymore and he just got angry

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 5:59 pm

you can still try the nc rule if you want to but for me you should move on.

May

January 11, 2018 at 3:56 am

Hey, so my ex broke up with me on New Year’s Eve. He said it was a hard decision for him but he wanted to remain friends and focus on his success and he also said that we would probably never see other because we’re 5-6 hours away from each other (yes we were in a long distance relationship) and I told him how I feel about the situation. A few days later I texted him saying “hey.”and he replied back saying, “Leave me alone.” He also told me to move on because he have and he said he’s not trying to be rude but that was the only way I can get the picture. Every now and then I try to contact him but he ignores me and unfriend me on social media. I don’t understand what’s going on because now he’s a completely different person. We were on and off but one of us always apologize. We’re both young he’s 19 and I’m 18. Do he really dislike me now or is he still hurt about the situation? Because he was such a sweetheart when we first started talking.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 7:26 pm

Hi May,

every one is a sweetheart at the start of dating.. are you going to do the nc rule?

Katherine

January 10, 2018 at 5:12 pm

Me and my ex were together for three years and we were in a long distance relationship 2.5 years out of those three years. The long distance was something that he initially wanted to do (high school relationship into college, I am in VA and he is in MI). It hasn’t been easy but we made it work and constantly saved time and money to visit each other and we are able to see each other over vacations (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fall or Spring Break, Summer, etc.). But this past semester my ex started to get really afraid of our future since I have an internship next summer and he is unsure whether or not his internship will be in VA or not, meaning we might not see each other over the summer at all. He decided to break up with me because he said the distance was too much for him but he still loves me and wants me. During the break up I became desperate and I begged and pleaded because I know we can make it work but he wouldn’t budge. That night after our face to face conversation, he snap chatted me and I answered. The next day he snap chatted me again but it hurt me too much so I didn’t answer and I haven’t talked to him since. This happened on December 26th, 2017 so it has been two weeks since I have had any contact with him, so I am trying to implement no contact for at least 30 days. I’m afraid its not working because he hasn’t reached out to me and I am constantly anxious and in despair. I don’t know how much longer I can wait but I also don’t want to push him away if I reach out. I am trying to work on myself and I have been doing things with friends and things I enjoy but I can’t seem to get him off my mind.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 6:58 pm

Hi Katherine,

The nc rule is more for you to be less emotional, more rational and to improve your health, wealth and relationships aspect of your life, not for him to initiate.. start improving yourself and be more active in posting.

Charlotte

January 10, 2018 at 3:27 pm

Hi Amor
Long story short, we lived together in Australia (he’s Aussie I’m English) everything was perfect at the start but about 8 months into living together I got a new job which allowed me to have weekends off whereas before I worked most nights and weekends. All of a sudden he started wanting more space because he didn’t get much anymore. I always wanted to do things together and enjoy outdoors but he never wanted to. He started to get irritated with me and not be the same with me anymore. He stopped having sex and just said he was tired all the time. In hindsight I was probably quite needy wanting to spend time with him but ended up doing my own thing a lot to give him space. He didn’t like it if I went out with my friends but also didn’t like it when I was home. He didn’t make any effort and I knew I was loosing him but had no idea how to put it right. He only wanted to do things if it was his idea and I would feel like I was tagging along and he would do it regardless.
Towards the end it was bad arguments and he just lost all respect for me because I would get upset. He would say that I am always negative and dramatic.
I am back in Uk for Christmas and returning in a week where I have to get the rest of my things from our apartment so will have to see him. When I left he took me to the airport, told me he loved me and we would see how things go when I return but 3 days later he changed his mind and said he doesn’t want to see me again and thinks it’s best we stay apart. He’s now on tinder. I have still not contacted him it has been a week today. I don’t know if no contact is even going to work because I’ve got to see him when I get back and it feels like he just doesn’t wanna speak to me and is moving on.
What should I do?
Charlotte

January 8, 2018 at 9:00 pm

Hi EBR
My ex boyfriend and ended it with me 2 weeks ago but said we would see how things go after some time apart. A few days after the breakup he said he changed his mind and he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I started the no contact rule but a friend messaged me to tell me he is on tinder. I got upset and text him which was a bad idea. He got really angry saying he wants nothing more to do with me and I haven’t heard from him since. He is stubborn and angry so I don’t think I will hear from him again however I want to know how do I go about getting him back if I won’t hear from him again? He’s blocked me on all social media but I noticed he unblocked me the other day on fb and then blocked me again … he must have been spying on my photos so I know he must care.
No one cheated but the relationship did get pretty bad. With this space I have seen where we both went wrong and I am keen to learn from this and start a fresh but the last time I spoke to him he said he was happier without me and doesn’t want that again.
Please help me I am struggling to cope

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 9:33 pm

Hi Charlotte,

How bad was bad?

Becky

January 6, 2018 at 7:52 pm

So I’ve recently broke up with my boyfriend; I feel as if the no contact rule won’t work for me as he won’t contact me anyway. Does this mean that the no contact rule wouldn’t work with me

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 6:03 pm

Hi Becky,

The nc rule is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances and it’s done for you to focus in improving yourself..it’s ok if he doesn’t contact you during nc because you’re not supposed to reply if he does..

rosy

January 4, 2018 at 4:23 pm

Hello,

I have a huge doubt. I have an ex who broke up with me and told me i needed to heal and there was no friendship. My ex later texted me 5 months later and i did not respond. Then in the beginning of last year he started reaching out here and there through text message and would just call me through whatsapp. He then reached out through facetime on valentines day. And here is the kicker he is in a relationship. I obviously didnt respond because of that. He then stopped and now just a day ago he called me through whatsapp. I do not understand why he is reaching out after no response from me whatsoever. I still love him but i do not want to get hurt. He is still with someone else and if he just wants to know how i am doing. well its my life doesnt concern him anymore. He clearly said we are not friends and our breakup was not mutual. I cant be friends with my ex. So why is continuing to call or text after no response. whats his deal

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2018 at 12:01 am

Hi Rosy,

if you used to always answer before, he might still be seeing you that way up to now.. So, just ignore him.. My ex of years ago does that too.. He texts me every time we bump into each other once or twice a year, even though I’ve never replied to him in the last years. It came to a point that he shared that to a common friend and when I bumped into that common friend, he asked me if I was angry with my ex and I said no, I just don’t see a point of being friendly with an ex.

M

January 1, 2018 at 5:42 pm

My ex and I broke up because he said that he wasn’t mentally in the relationship anymore and knew he wasn’t going to be. He said that this usually happens, that he gets bored or loses interest in a relationship after he’s been in it for about a year.

He moved out a few days after the breakup. The last time I texted him first was about two and a half weeks ago and it was mostly to say that at some point I wanted to have a conversation in regards to closure. Since then he has been moving out, initially saying that he was going to be able to do it one day and then made excuses for a week about why he wasn’t able to get all of his stuff out. A few days before Christmas I put a few things in the room because he asked me to so that my room it’s been throughout his stuff. That Aas the last text i got from him. I had told him that I would be gone for the weekend and figured that when I came home his stuff would be gone but the only thing that he came to get was something from outside. He didn’t come all last week but he did defeiend me and untag me and all my friends on Facebook and Instagram.

I figured that was his final goodbye and that he had come to the house to get the rest of his stuff. When I got home I realized that the stuff was still there but the next day he did come to get the remaining few clothes items that were left in my closet but still left the rest of his smaller stuff. He didn’t text me to tell me he was coming to get anything which is fine because he has a key. However, today I got a text message from him about how he had come to get his stuff last week that he would be coming to get the rest of his stuff tomorrow. He said something about how one of the things in the pile of stuff that I thought was his wasn’t his. Any thoughts on what is going through his head and whether or not I should respond? I feel like I shouldn’t respond.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 4, 2018 at 7:40 pm

Hi M,

If you’re in nc, you shouldn’t respond.. Focus in improving yourself and being active in posting

B

December 23, 2017 at 1:16 am

Hi Team,
My bf of 9 months broke up with me about a month ago because he claims he can’t seem to make me happy. After the break up I gnatted for about 2 weeks then realized it was pointless and texted him my goodbye and then started the NC. I’m currently in my 3rd week of NC and have been improving myself and have been more active in postings. So far he has not reached out to me yet. My 30 days is coming to a close soon and I already have a first text planned. But I’m scared that it might not work out..

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 5:08 pm

Hi B,

Check this one:
The Stages of Not Getting a Text Back From Your Ex and How to Survive Them

bb

December 20, 2017 at 11:40 am

i did 30 day no contact. first text, no response. 2nd text days later was an advice text and we had a short convo and i ended it. i did the elephant in the room text waited a week and then i triggered his hero complex… and that has been the most effective by far…but we are both combat veterans with ptsd.. so our situation is diffrent.
Luna

December 19, 2017 at 7:24 am

So if we know we left a bad emotional aftertaste in our ex mind – are you saying if we implement NC he will just go with nr 7 response ? Which is he is happy to get space from me and won’t want to worry about contacting me coz he says he is so hurt and I broke his heart ? In fact he keep sending I’m holding on to him so I think he will see me as giving him space and respect that knowing that that is what should happen ? He broke up with me so he expects me to not talk want to talk to him – instead when we see one another and say our hellos there’s the odd how is work and we talk …

Is Chris point that I need to patient – he is angry but mostly feeling heartbroken by me?

So should I just do a limited NC and that is it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2017 at 12:38 pm

Hi Luna,

If you have kids, you can do limited nc but only talk about the kids

Danielle Lopez

December 11, 2017 at 8:18 pm

Hi my name is Danielle my bf and I have been going through some misunderstandings that is causing us to argue alot however, he did something wrong and I asked him about it and he seemed to sent it to the point we had a huge argument, well me caus I told him some unkind things in a text message, he came and move most of his things out from our apartment just left a few stuff which he said he will come back for. I really love him just think we need to communicate better and I need to be less angry at times, I think I need to establish the NC rule to see if he will contact me, I miss him but I’m prepare to see how much I mean to him now we are separated, how long u think i should keep up the NC and do u think he will reach out to me ever again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2017 at 1:23 am

Hi Danielle,

check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Anna

December 1, 2017 at 9:35 pm

My ex broke up with me a month ago. I gnatted him for about a week. He started reminiscing about our sex life and asked me over and I agreed thinking if he saw me it’d make him want me back but he changed his mind and told me he didn’t want to use me. It’s been 3 weeks since I last spoke to him. I don’t know if he’s blocked my number. I don’t want to go through the pain of being rejected by him again if I try and reach out. Can I just carry on no contact and see if he reaches out? Or do I need to be the one who reaches out? He’s broken up with me and came back after some time apart before but not for this amount of time. I’m active in improving myself and I’m posting on social media with photos of me and friends and me doing things. I even joined the gym and have made new friends. What I want to know is, is it okay to carry on improving myself and carry on no contact until/if he reaches out? What are the chances that he’ll reach out to me if I don’t initiate?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2017 at 1:10 am

Hi,

the more you do nc, the less it works.. so, make this your last nc, do 45 days and then take it slow in building rapport after nc and check this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

lina emane

November 20, 2017 at 11:31 am

Hi
We broke up because i told him that i was talking to him with a fake facebook account as another girl with whom he was talking and laughing as if he is single i was really angry about the fact that he is not respecting our relationship and he was angry becauae i spy on him via a fake account and we endedup the relation. Just after the quarrel tried to reach him by sending msgs calling him but in vain he blocked me in all social media means.
After my several attempta to reach him out i stoped its about 40days of no contact.
i wana know shall i try to reach him again or i have to carry on ignoring him
help plz 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2017 at 12:51 am

Hi Lina,

how active are you improving yourself and in posting?

« Previous 1 … 17 18 19 20 21 … 89 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”