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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Post categories
Gemma
November 16, 2018 at 6:33 pm
What should I do about this one …
After our breakup my ex treated me with lots of anger for several months. He blocked and unblocked me several times. At one point he decided he missed me, started hitting on me, we met up and had a coffee, I made the mistake of bringing up our past issues before we had really reconnected and then he went back to avoiding me and sending angry messages and partially blocked me.
I finally did 30 days no contact after all this and he didn’t contact me during this time at all.
I have just finished. My first attempt to talk to him was ignored.
My second attempt was about the fact that we are supposed to meet in a few days so he can return my stuff. He answered this, gave one word answers about the time and date, said he only wants to meet for five minutes, then went back to ignoring.
I’m really scared that this cold response and one word answers mean it’s pretty much finished. I liked it better when he was angry because at least he showed emotion.
I’m meant to see him in 3 days and all I can think about is how scared I am that this will be the last time I ever see him. I wasn’t expecting such aloofness after 30 days of not speaking.
Is there hope for me? Apart from trying to appear calm and cheerful during the meeting what can I do?
Jenn
November 9, 2018 at 9:49 pm
I am on day 1 of NC with my ex. We dated for 5 months and after the breakup we remained friends but I realized that I still love him and want to make it work. Our relationship was tough towards the end due to miscommunication. I was abused in my past relationships and I kept bringing my past with me. He has told me that he still loves me but is afraid the same things will continue and things will go sour again. He still drops little hints to me about wanting me but also said he’s been talking to someone. His roommate told me she thinks it’s just a rebound.
I was only going to do one week of NC but should I do more?
Chris Seiter
November 10, 2018 at 2:00 am
Hi Jenn!
I usually recommend at least 21 days, though briefer periods might work in some situations. Pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” for a deeper dive!
Maeko
November 2, 2018 at 4:59 am
Yesterday was the 37th day of my NC for my ex and yesterday I sent him a text message like a memory text but it’s now 24hrs and I haven’t yet receive any response from him 🙁
Chris Seiter
November 2, 2018 at 10:54 pm
Hi Maeko!
Give it some time. If no response, try another text in 4-5 days. Not every effort will work on the first or even second or third try. Just know that you are doing the best job you can to get things ignited. You can’t control every outcome.
Savannah Morgan
October 26, 2018 at 4:53 pm
Finished a 60 day no contact… a few emails (he designed my website ). But today I reached out verbally to discuss my site because I had questions that needed to be answered verbally. He was really excited to hear from me and just as he was about 2 mins into what has been going on with him lately, i told him i had another call to take and ended the convo. He must understand that devotion and time I had for him is over. It must be earned again. However, it was nice to hear the excitement at the sound of my voice.
Chris Seiter
October 27, 2018 at 2:21 am
Hi Savannah!
Good job with the NC. Just keep thinking little steps.
Jordan Mulkey
October 25, 2018 at 1:01 am
I’m on the receiving end of the NC.
Of course, I don’t know if shes just trying to get over me permanently or if she wants me back and its weighing on me.
I want to give her space but we lived together and after the fight, I drove across country 16hrs to spend time with a sick Grandparent.
I still need to go home soon and either work things out (I have been spending a lot of time thinking of how I need to improve, how the things I said to her were BS, that she has done nothing but make me happy, and that I am the one responsible for the things I blamed about in the first place) or relinquish my belongings and try and move on. Is it ok for me to go home?
A tricky situation I am aware, but my job and my whole life are there + my only other option would be to move 16hrs away for work!
Chris Seiter
October 25, 2018 at 4:05 am
Hi Jordan!
Sometimes the ex will do NC on you! I agree, everybody needs some space to let the negative emotions get shed away.
Penny
October 24, 2018 at 1:39 am
I’m so close to finishing NC (5 days of 30 left!) but I feel like I didn’t love myself enough during it, that I’m not healed and positive and ready etc! We did not date very long before the break up, so I’m worried about extending NC (will it do more harm than good?!). What should I do?!
Chris Seiter
October 24, 2018 at 3:21 am
Great job Penny. You are making progress and even if you are not there yet on the healing side, you will be. Perhaps you might want to reach out to him, giving him a heads up that you have been taking some quiet time for yourself to work on “you” and take stock of things and you just wanted him to know why you have been off the radar and you feel you have more work to do. Think of it as a transition first contact text.
MST
October 7, 2018 at 7:43 am
Hi In My 5 yr relationship we had some issues due to My bad childhood and certain patterns etc (control freakness, some jealosy and insecurities on My behalf which did lead to arguments) – I am thinking it would be better to start off with an apology/clean slate letter/e-mail instead of a cute memory text? (I am now in therapy and want to tell him that now I have finally taken action, are working on My issues, and now have realized that it is MY responsibility to make me happy and whole again etc – but Also offer a deepfelt apology to him about what I have put him through)
Our no contact started off with me telling him that I was doing nc because I needed time to figure out how I could better myself and work on My issues. His respons was two messages saying how incredibly sad that made him, but he could see it from my point of view. I did not respond and are now at day 16 of nc.
When he broke it off with me he said that he Didn’t want to lose me entirely and that he wants me in his life. And that he has feelings for me, and would always care about me.
I just feel that I have to do the clean slate before Anything Else. What do you think?
Chris Seiter
October 7, 2018 at 10:17 pm
Hi MST!
The way I see it, all of us exhibit some of the behaviors you described! We can all get controlling about things. Jealousy and insecurity can rear its head in all of our lives, leading to anxiety and conflict.
I think what you propose makes sense for your situation. It will likely be helpful for him to see that you have taken positive and constructive steps to address some personal development issues given they were apparently a part of the breakup.
So yes, a clean slate is what NC is about. Whether he is going to be an integral part of your life or not, what is most important is “you” and your relationship with yourself. If you can be a better “you”, then it expands the paths you may choose to take and fulfillment is far more easier to attain.
Erin
August 14, 2018 at 6:29 am
He dumped me for his ex. I began no contact 37 days ago. We work together and I’m cordial and respectful. I limit my interactions with him and stay out of sight as much as I can. I don’t bother him. Initially, he was cordial and spoke. Now he is acting bitter and doesn’t even speak. He won’t look at me and a few times he’s avoided me. I got what he wanted….his ex. I didn’t beg or plead, I just walked away. Why is he mad?
Erin
August 14, 2018 at 1:57 am
He dumped me for his ex. I began no contact 37 days ago. We work together and I’m cordial and respectful. I limit my interactions with him and stay out of sight as much as I can. I don’t bother him. Initially, he was cordial and spoke. Now he is acting bitter and doesn’t even speak. He won’t look at me and a few times he’s avoided me. I got what he wanted….his ex. I didn’t beg or plead, I just walked away. Why is he mad?
Ayla
May 5, 2018 at 1:04 pm
Hi there!
It’s about two weeks that i have finishied my NC and the day aftr i finished NC he texted me and asked me if i can help him or not
And as i was angry with him i didnt repond
And he sended the same messages on my 3vety social media i read them and again i didnt repond:|
Ans he texted other message saying you promised me to help me that time
And i yhought it is enogh i send him a texted back and kinda challengful message if was
How ever i hwlped him
Then he ask me to do an other favor for him in month or so
And
We talked about the party i was invated
And sending him some pics and videos of the party
To show him im happy
And dont need him
And now im just confused what should i do?!
Chris Seiter
May 5, 2018 at 11:30 pm
If you are still having upset feelings towards him…then consider telling him and that you need some time to yourself to work through your own feelings and heal from some of the difficulties you have experienced.
Ayla
May 6, 2018 at 8:19 am
Im just afriad
Everyone around me says never let him come back to your life again he left you
And he will do that again
Idk
But sometimes i fee he didnt ever love me
He just wanted to use me for advantage
But he was talking so nice to me recently
Idont know what to do!
Chris Seiter
May 6, 2018 at 2:56 pm
Go it slow
Bailey
May 2, 2018 at 9:30 pm
my ex and I were not together long. A little over a month. I was more difficult and wanted to take things slower as he wanted to dive in head first. I told him from the very start what exactly I was looking for in a relationship. There was a 5-year difference between us. I am older and want things more settled down in my life than he did so it did cause some disagreements. Towards the end, he wanted space, then told me eventually that maybe he wasn’t quite ready for the relationship. I was very understanding and it was not a bad break up at all. I have obeyed this no contact rule, have removed him from all my social media, etc. He still follows me on Instagram and will like every single post. I am assuming he is trying to just be nice, but it’s confusing.
Chris Seiter
May 2, 2018 at 11:57 pm
Hi Bailey…really cool name! Yes, guys can be confusing because half of the time, they really don’t have a clue what they want. Sometimes it takes a while for their true feelings to catch up with them. I think he is revisiting some of his earlier notions. If you want to optimize your chances, then go get my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and read it from cover to cover. It is of epic length and touches all many strategies and tactics you can employ if you want to revisit this relationship. But my philosophy is first you need to invest in yourself….to heal and to get in touch with what you want if that is unclear to you at the moment. So swing by my website Menu/Products link and read up on some of my ebook and other resources available to you! Let me know how it goes Bailey!
Bailey
May 3, 2018 at 1:42 pm
Thank you for your input. Just wasn’t sure if he was just seeking my attention or just was an act of kindness. I feel we can be too stubborn at times and find other ways to try to seek attention instead of direct contact. Also, if you want to speak to someone you’ll directly contact them in my mind. I’ve been completely ignoring it, just wasn’t sure if i should act on it.
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2018 at 1:44 pm
Well said Bailey
Bailey
May 3, 2018 at 6:37 pm
so to be clear, do not contact or should I reach out?
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2018 at 9:25 pm
Yes Baily! Read up on all the different types of initial contact messages you can send and what you can do if things don’t work out in my core ebook!
Bailey
May 3, 2018 at 3:11 pm
so do not contact him, correct? just keep going about doing me.
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2018 at 9:50 pm
Eventually, when NC is over, there is a process you can use to make contact with him. But NC is for you. I want you to love yourself….be your best friend….date yourself…heal….focus on your goal areas as described in my ebook.
Nina
May 1, 2018 at 1:58 pm
my partner and i were together for 10months and lived together. after the initial break up we had a 3 month break and then got back in contact. we were on and off for about 2 months and in the last “off” period (about a week or so) he has a new girlfriend! (surely rebound?) and moved interstate.
we continued to talk, i begged and acted desperate, then came to my senses, and stopped. he still messages me both normal convo and “saucy” messages.
i’ve just implanted a 21 day NC as i booked a flight to see him in about 3.5 weeks. his girlfriend and him have been together for only 2 weeks, and she’s already moving interstate to be with him and i’m worried they’ll have grown closer by the the time the NC ends and i’m supposed to see him.
are these genuine fears? feeling quite at a loss.
Chris Seiter
May 1, 2018 at 4:38 pm
Hi Nina…thanks for stopping by! First off, I hope you have picked up a copy of my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. The idea is you want to use the best resources available to you to optimize your chances. Just click on my website Menu and select the “Products” link to learn more! There are definitely some things you can do less of and more of. I understand the anxiety you have about what might happen. But try and let go of it because even if you have the best game plan in place, there are some things you simply can’t control, particular when it comes to other people’s feelings. There is good chance this other girl is a rebound. My advice is to dig into the suggested ebook I referenced above and put your plan in place!
Ash
April 23, 2018 at 6:26 pm
is all of this true if I did the 30 day no contact and my ex didn’t try to reach out to me?
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2018 at 8:41 pm
Hi Ash…no system is foolproof, but bear in mind that most programs,including mine, involve much more than simply instituting a 30 day No Contact Period. There are lots elements to the entire process. Did you pick up a copy of my ebook as it serves as the Companion Guide for folks trying to better their chances. And its not simply up to your ex boyfriend to reach out to you after NC. Its also about your efforts and use of text messaging and other things to rebuild attraction!
Ash
April 23, 2018 at 10:59 pm
I almost feel like contacting him would make me regret it. Idk what he would say. I want to, and then I don’t. If I contact him would he think I’m not doing good on my own?
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2018 at 11:39 pm
I understand. You are closest to the situation and your emotions, so I trust you. Give it more time.
ness
April 14, 2018 at 7:55 pm
What if he is using the NC rule on me? I ignored his calls and instead answered with texts for three days then he replied “nothing. goodnight” to the last. I tried again the next day and he never responded. After that I learned about the NC rule. Its been 3 weeks and we both haven’t said anything. What if he is implementing a NC period too?
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 4:47 am
Ness….maybe he is, but if you are following the game plan laid out in my ebook, you will have the more sophisticated strategy!
Mary-ann
April 7, 2018 at 2:55 pm
Hi Chris, your advice has been great. I need some advice. The bf and I had a fight where he was very mean, telling me that we can maybe just have sex but doesn’t want to be committed. I left the place and immediately went into no contact including blocking him. He found a way to reach out to me and has been calling 4 out of the 7 days in the past week including three texts saying he’s sorry (rather insincerely) and saying he was behaving badly just to piss me off. I feel a little bad ignoring him like this without telling him I’m gg into no contact. Does going into no contact like this make me immature? Could you please advise what I should do now? We have had a tumultuous relationship, mostly out of his insecurities and his need to control me.
Chris Seiter
April 9, 2018 at 11:38 am
Haha glad that you liked my advice!
Even though I think this might be the first time that we’ve actually talked to each other!
Do you mind if I go on a rant for a bit?
I totally get where you are coming from with being worried that the “NC rule” can be looked at as mean. However, I don’t understand why women care that much. In fact, I think sometimes, especially in cases like yours, it’s important to create a perception that you don’t care about his feelings.
Ok, rant done!
Laura
March 27, 2018 at 7:41 am
After NC, what should I answer when he asks why I ignored him? I’m pretty sure he will ask.
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:39 am
I believe I just answered this!
Laura
March 27, 2018 at 7:26 am
But what should I answer when he asks why I ignored him? I’m pretty sure he will ask. Should I say something like: I don’t want to talk about it right now but we’re cool ( to stay positive an misterious). Or should I say that I needed time alone? None of that? What is the best answer?
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:39 am
You simply say,
“I just wasn’t in a place where I wanted to talk to anyone.”
And then move on to the next topic.
milli
March 26, 2018 at 2:04 pm
I and my boyfriend have been dating for the past 8 months. we were into a serious relationship. and we broke up because he thinks I cheated on him with my ex(which is not true). I only met him once and nothing ever happened between me and my ex but all this i had been hiding from my boyfriend. I met my ex 3 months ago and my boyfriend came to know about this through our mutual friend and he brokeup with me a week back. He’s really super mad at me and I tried alot talking to him, texting him, sending voice mails, trying to meet him I mean like every possible thing I could do to get him back and ask him for forgiveness. But he kept saying one thing that is he broke up with me and he’s done with me and he doesn’t care about me now and he hates me. i am really upset and so i came across this website where I read about this no contact rule which i’ll be implementing from today. But over this 1 week of begging him for forgiveness, i realized something. He has blocked me from every social media and even phone calls but I somehow have access to his Instagram and Facebook since he shared it with me long back. I’ve noticed he’s not really that active on his social sites, his doesn’t open his messages soon, or checks his instagram. But when i tried sending him texts from a new Id, i’ve always got a immediate quick response from him even though its always been negative. it seems like he waits when i will text him, so he can show me his anger. I mean he can always avoid me but he doesn’t, he texts me back says he doesn’t wants me and again blocks me. So Now i’ll be implementing the No contact rule. DO you think it is going to work?
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:29 am
There’s a reason the no contact rule is present in almost all of our success stories.
That’s all I’ll say.
flora
March 26, 2018 at 2:13 am
He is the one who initiated no contact with me. After a fight, he wouldn’t accept my apology, and said ‘no calls for 6 months’. Nothing here talks about that…sounds final.
Chris Seiter
April 3, 2018 at 1:25 am
I don’t believe I have written about that but I think it may be my next topic!
flora
April 3, 2018 at 2:08 am
Can’t wait!
Ale
March 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm
My ex and I dated for almost 2 year. A few months ago he started to get distant. I assumed he was stress with his new promotion. I tried to give him his space and didn’t push him into giving me more attention. I thought things were starting to look up when after not even 12 hours of us making weekend plans he tells me we need to talk. During our talk he tell me the infamous “we need a break” line. Personally I don’t believe in that and after a week of “break” I told him we needed to end things for good. That I couldn’t live with an unattainable hope. He and I never really fought or argued and the day we ended things he asked if we could work on it but I was too confused (and hurt because he had told me he didn’t think I was the one) to want to work on it. We sat in silence for a bit till he finally said, “its over”. I walked out and haven’t spoken to him since then. It’s been 28 days. There has been no contact, he even removed me from some social media to which I reacted and removed him from the last two sites he had kept me on. I miss him terribly, I honestly thought and still think he was my “one”. I want to get him back, give us some fighting chance but I think he’s moving on. I’m not even sure if I should make the effort to reach out to him. Wouldn’t he have texted me if he misses me? Should I just leave things as they are and try to forget him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 29, 2018 at 7:21 pm
Hi Ale,
In nc period you should be active in improving yourself and in posting.. Are you doing that? After nc, you can initiate contact..