1,334 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    s

    October 30, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Now he’s with her*
    Trust*

  2. Avatar

    anon

    October 30, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    Hi chris, i broke up with my ex almost 2yrs ago. Since then we’ve been dating others. But so far, i only did a 20day nc from him. We’ve been dating others but we’re still in touch with each other. Presently, i’m single. But my ex has been dating this colleague of mine for almost a year. He told me in early oct that he may want to make future plans with his current gf, they’re discussing moving in together etc. Is it too late for me to do a full 30day nc? Will it work?
    since he has a gf. Won’t the reaction of men after nc varies if he already has a new gf?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:43 pm

      He told you hed want to make future plans with you even though he has a girlfriend??

    2. Avatar

      anon

      October 30, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      In march this year i was dating with another man. My ex, though he was dating another lady, kept trying to mend things with me. He said to that lady that he wasn’t over me etc. I did agree to meet up with him a few times, during which, he’d get super touchy with me (nothing lead to sex though) i didn’t encourage anything more than a hug and a peck on the cheek cause i was dating another man and my ex too has a gf.

      My ex kept telling me initially he has not made any plans with his gf. In sept, i broke up with that other man i was seeing after my ex (reasons nothing to do with my ex) the last time i met my ex was early oct. And my ex said he still has feelings for me and may want to try and work things out with me. And now, a few weeks later my ex dropped the bombshell on me saying i should moved on and maybe mend things with that other guy cause he wants to make future plans with his gf.

      How is it my ex can suddenly make this decision in a span of a few weeks? To think that before this, he has been trying with me for almost one year though he is attached with someone else. Obviously i didn’t encourage him cause I too, was attached at that point of time.

      Do you think he really means what he says? Is he really serious abt his current gf?

  3. Avatar

    Jasmine

    October 30, 2014 at 2:17 am

    Hey Chris, I need your help!!

    I have been frequenting your site for a while now and firstly want to thank you as you have helped me and my ex get back together more than once now! 🙂
    Me and my ex have been on and off as of late. The past two break ups I have followed your guides and have managed to get him back by following your guide. But this time I’m worried that he’s used to the whole plan and I don’t think it’s going to work. Currently on day 19 of no contact. I have his belongings still and he has already asked for them back but I’ve stuck to no contact and haven’t responded. I’m concerned that the longer I hold onto his stuff and employ no contact, the angrier he will get. He has also just deleted me from facebook as he found out I went on a date during no contact. (This is the first time I’ve ever tried to show I’m moving on first)

    When no contact is up, I was thinking of doing something totally different this time; sending him a message saying “I just wanted to let you know, you were right, the breakup was the best thing for both of us. It would be a shame to throw away the friendship though. I’ll also drop your stuff off to you tonight :)”
    What do you think?
    I’m just worried that if I start off with the whole good message memory, he will just roll his eyes as he will know exactly what I’m trying to do! Now i know this goes against everything you say, but i just dont know what to do!!

    1. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Can I ask why you guys keep going “off.” What is the disagreement that causes this?

    2. Avatar

      Jasmine

      October 31, 2014 at 12:49 am

      Family differences. He’s from a traditional Italian family and they don’t approve of my family who became Muslim a couple of years ago.
      He seems to think that this will never work because he wants the families to be close and get along.he was never okay with the idea of my family being Muslim but we tried to not talk or mention it whIle we’re young and not at the marriage stage.
      he’s nowhere near thinking of marriage and kids just yet, but he still considers it and it gets to him.
      I also think I can be too available and things get boring in routine and I realise I have to change that. But the family thing, I can’t change.

  4. Avatar

    V

    October 30, 2014 at 12:28 am

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me less than a month ago. We were together for about 2 years. He told me he wanted to break up because he wanted to be able to go out and just did his thing and that if we were still together I prevented him from doing that because I was too controlling. About a month before we broke up he really started going out behind my back and lying about it since I moved to a different city for school. Then when he visited he really seemed distant and it just wasn’t the same anymore. I kinda feel that he might be interested in someone else but when I asked him he said no and that he just wanted the break up because he wanted to do all the things that he couldn’t do if we were together. When he broke up with me I asked him to reconsider and that I told him I know what went wrong and I could do better but he said to save it for someone else. Then I left him alone for a week and asked if he just wanted space or we were done for good. He answered me vaguely at first but I begged him to make up his mind so I knew what to expect and then he told me he really was done. Then 2 days after that talk I wrote him that I understood why we needed to break up and that it really took for us to break up to see what was really going on and how lucky I was with him and told him that if I get one final chance at making it right I would make the best out of it… But he never replied… It’s been a week since and a week of the NC. Do u think I still have a shot??? He is really stubborn and is so used to me chasing after him every time we fight or he stops communicating with me.

    1. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm

      I definitely do!!!

    2. Avatar

      V

      October 30, 2014 at 11:14 pm

      But I feel that I left a bad after taste on our relationship becoz of all the fights and the controlling… And he never tried to reach out to me ever since… He is really stubborn and proud. And I really feel like he is moving on already. Do u honestly believe that we still stand a chance??

  5. Avatar

    Kristen

    October 29, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    Chris, you were right I really enjoyed this post! It’s been a little over 2 weeks since the last time I text my ex, to which he did not respond. I have always been the one to initiate conversations. I wouldn’t say he seemed ‘super happy’ in his responses, though he seemed to be a combination of happy/happy but careful/a little neutral at times. In his text messages he would use a fair amount of ‘haha’s and he has never responded angrily. What I find interesting is with my last text that I sent (a more emotional text than all the others I had sent), he didn’t respond at all. I am going to try to text him again tomorrow and see what comes of that.

    1. Should I start with more initial/priming type texts?
    2. How long to wait between texts?
    3. Is there a way I can somehow get him to initiate conversations with me?
    4. Also, I’ve been thinking…what do you think it means when a guy (or girl) says ‘It’s not gonna work out’? Especially given times when they had told you multiple times that they were going to ask you to marry them someday?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      1. I think you should!
      2. It depends. Not too long though. Usually a day but you want to eventually get on a schedule where you text every day.
      3. Influence or become a force that makes him do it.
      4. I think a lot of people say things in the moment that they don’t mean.

    2. Avatar

      Kristen

      October 31, 2014 at 1:28 am

      Apparently I spoke too soon! I text him talking about a hockey player that he likes that just got hurt and will be out for a while. He responded with a picture of himself, frowning, wearing the players shirt.
      I’m so confused…hahas in majority of his texts and now a picture of himself!?
      I can’t tell where I’m at with him, what does it mean!?

    3. admin

      admin

      November 3, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      Just keep advancing… you need more to go on.

    4. Avatar

      Kristen

      November 10, 2014 at 11:16 pm

      I find it hard because he’s being extremely stubborn and I feel like when I text him I have to ask a question so he almost has to answer me. meaning that if I just text him randomly commenting about something he would most likely ignore me. That seems to be the only way to get him to respond.

      1. Why would someone keep answering if the other person is ‘not interesting enough’/or their not interested?
      2. I want to keep advancing and I want to become a force to make him initiate, as you said it seems like he’s playing his own games. How do you ‘leave him wanting more’ with not enough to go on?

    5. Avatar

      Kristen

      November 3, 2014 at 4:36 pm

      I find it hard because he’s being extremely stubborn and I feel like when I text him I have to ask a question so he almost has to answer me. meaning that if I just text him randomly commenting about something he would most likely ignore me. That seems to be the only way to get him to respond.

      1. Why keep answering me if I’m not interesting enough/he’s not interested?
      2. I want to keep advancing and I want to be a force to make him text me first, it seems like he’s playing his own games. How do you ‘leave him wanting more’ with not enough to go on?

    6. Avatar

      Kristen

      October 30, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      Thanks Chris!
      I tried to text him today..so far no response. I successfully completed NC, even went a little longer than 30 days and sometimes waited a little longer between texts. These past 2 times that I have tried to text him he has not responded.

      1. Why is it that at first he responded to me and now all of a sudden he just stopped?
      2. I’m at the point right now where I just want to give up, how the heck do I influence/become a force to make him contact me first when he won’t respond!?

    7. admin

      admin

      November 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      1. You probably weren’t interesting enough to capture his attention.
      2. If you leave him wanting more then you are doing a good job.

  6. Avatar

    s

    October 29, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    Ex broke up 2 months ago because he had lost love for me. He had started feeling for another girl who happens to be my roommate. the breakup was really bad and messy… nite hrs with her and says he can’t come back because I broke his rust so many times after the breakup by lying about some things. I’m in NC, day 8 today. I really want him back and I know that this girl might not turn out to be a rebound. He says he’s not in a relationship with her but is in love with her. How does that work? :/

    I really want him back but he’s not at all willing to change his mind.

    1. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      You are still very early in NC though. Hang in there.

  7. Avatar

    Hannah

    October 29, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    Hey Chris! Im on day 29 of NC and almost done. He hasnt tried reaching out to me during the NC period so im slightly nervous about texting him when NC is over. Should i be worried?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Its not perfect but no reason to worry. Just means he is a bit more stubborn than the average male out there.

    2. Avatar

      Kristen

      November 2, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      Hey Hannah, I feel as though I am in a similar situation. I was in the same boat you are when I was nearing the end of my NC. It is scary, I know. He still has yet to initiate any conversation with me, I am always the one to text him.

      Chris, in dealing with guys who are on the extremely stubborn side, I wonder is there a different way to approach things? To influence him to/force/make him text you first if he is more stubborn?

  8. Avatar

    Emma

    October 29, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    Sorry .. It was sent before I had a chance to fix my message! Lol

    ****his last response to was that he was thinking about me a lot during my no contact with him.

  9. Avatar

    Emma

    October 29, 2014 at 12:04 pm

    Hey Chris,

    It’s been a year now since he left me for another woman..I didn’t experience my typical breakup.. He has communcated with me by checking in this past year. He said he md the no contact.. He always reaches out to me.. Thinking he is coming back I respond! Now he has drop communication me since sept.. But his parents whom I love, his mother wants to meet me for lunch..so between my ex (whom I still love) and his mother, it’s hard to keep up the nc rule!!!! Urghh ! Like a moth to a flame.

    1. admin

      admin

      October 29, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      How far are you in the NC rule?

    2. Avatar

      Emma

      October 29, 2014 at 6:36 pm

      6 weeks.. And he is still with her ( the one he left me for) My bday is coming up.. Who knows if he will reach out to me then …

  10. Avatar

    jenny

    October 29, 2014 at 11:28 am

    hey chris. when you write these guides, what type of break up do you have in mind? for example, i cant help but think, “he broke up with me so why would he be going crazy (angry/upset/feeling guilty) during nc if he’s the one that wanted the break up? and why would he be wanting to hear from me and get excited when he does after nc? maybe just because he misses me in his life out of comfort because we dated for so long (2 years), but not because he wants to still date me or anything…?” do you find your suggestions work best for girls who break up with guys then regret it? or maybe couples that have a big fight and then just need time to cool off before getting back together? what about couples where the relationship just started getting a little stale and instead of devoting more time to the relationship, the guy just decided he needed to put more time into his work?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 29, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      I try to be broad about it…

      And take a lot of those breakups into account but I miss a few here and there hahaha.

    2. Avatar

      jenny

      October 30, 2014 at 1:32 am

      from all the breakup stories that you’ve heard, are their certain types of breakups that its most and least effective on?

    3. admin

      admin

      October 30, 2014 at 6:34 pm

      Least effective- The girl cheated on the guy multiple times.
      Most effective- The girl breaks up with the guy or the guy gets gigs.

  11. Avatar

    Ayanna Blandford

    October 29, 2014 at 12:53 am

    Can I email you?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 29, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      Sure!!!

  12. Avatar

    Ashly

    October 29, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Hi Chris! After reading your site, I figured out pretty quickly that my boyfriend broke up with me for being needy (Yes, I’m guilty of text gnatting and asking him to hang out almost every day). I’ve done the NC thing and he reached out to me during the third week. Afterwords, I texted him a few times over the past couple of weeks, some with a reply, some without one. I’ve tried asking him to hang out or do something as friends, but he always had an excuse not to go through. Last week, he reached out and talked to me face-to-face. He said that the reason he kept cancelling was because he felt awkward, since hanging out always reminded him of when we were together. He even told me that he thought I was “the one”, but because I acted so needy, those feelings faded. He teared up a bit when he told me how much the break up hurt him and how bad he felt for hurting me. Our relationship was good. We never fought when we were together. We finally set up a “date” to hang out together, but I don’t really know what to do at this point. Should I try to advance things if he feels this way?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 29, 2014 at 3:48 pm

      Well congrats on getting a date!

      My best advice would be just to have a great time!!!!

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