Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

  1. Vika

    December 11, 2014 at 1:26 am

    Hello, Chris! I found out about your site only 2 days ago, so i seems like I already did lot’s of mistake, and not sure if my situation is reversible. Please, share your opinion 🙂

    We broke up unexpectedly, he did not give any explanations. He called next day after break-up but I just couldn’t pick up the phone. I haven’t contacted him for 2 weeks after that.

    In 2 weeks I texted him just a funny fact about a place we went together. I did not expect him to reply but he did. After that I asked him what he was doing and ended conversation. Next night he texted me to come to bar where he was, but I could not. So I answered the next day that I haven’t seen his text.
    Later I decided to invite him to one of the events I was attending. He agreed very fast and also suggested to meet and talk a couple of days before that. He seemed to be very eager to meet as he kept texting about it. He said he would clarify the timing the day we would meet and said I could bring friends with me. But he did not text back the night we were supposed to meet. I gave him a call but he did not pick up. He texted later in the middle of the night that he did not go out and that we would meet later that week. I answered that I did not believe him as I was very angry at him. He did not show up for the event later in the middle of the week.

    Week and a half later I texted him to congratulate him with thanksgiving. He replied and apologized for not going to the event, said that he thought that I did not want to see him there, apologized for hurting me and said we need to clear thing up. I replied back only in a day. Texted him that we should meet and time when I would be available. He suggested to meet in 2 weeks.
    I will be honest I am afraid that he wanted to get back but now I feel like he reaffirmed his decision to break-up completely. And I am also not sure whether we are going to meet at all, 2 weeks will pass soon.

    Sorry if this is too long. Do you think I can still do something in my situation? Thank you!

    1. admin

      December 15, 2014 at 5:16 am

      Just out of the blue broke up with you.

      Youve only being doing NC for 2 days correct?

    2. Vika

      December 15, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      hello, thanks for answering

      I haven’t talked to him for about 2 weeks before I first texted him.I did not know that there was a no contact rule. After that he arranged to meet and did not show up. Than in 2 weeks he arranged to meet again and than cancelled again an hour before we were supposed to meet. Yesterday he texted me that he knew he was a jerk, he was feeling terrible and he was embarrassed to see me. Couple of hours later he texted that he felt anxiety and was a coward, and wants to meet. I answered that if he meant what he was saying than we can meet on a certain day which was convenient for me. He hasn’t replied yet.

    3. Vika

      December 14, 2014 at 1:19 am

      Oh, Chris, please reply!
      He arranged a meeting with me, we agreed on time and place, he was the one who asked what time I was free, suggested the time and the place, and than one hour before we were supposed to meet he texted me that he has to cancel because he does not feel like going out… simply like that… Should I just give up?

    4. admin

      December 15, 2014 at 5:38 am

      Was this the first time he pulled that?

  2. him

    December 10, 2014 at 4:43 am

    Hey chris,
    Love all of your articles!
    Really quick is it possible to get an ex back after a year when he has most likely moved on? Or is it too late? I’m pretty sure he really likes this girl and wants to date her. I have not dated anyone since the break up and as far as I know he hasn’t either. You told me to act as if I didn’t care but will that work after a year? And he tweeted the other day and said ” still remember our first kiss” I was his first kiss and we dated for three years and we have two classes together what do you suggest I do? Feelings don’t just say around this long for nothing I really do love him but it’s so hard to watch him talk to other girls..
    Sometimes in class I find him staring but other than that we don’t talk, we haven’t spoken in just about a year just mutual laughs. Please help chris!

  3. Lexi

    November 30, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Hi Chris. Thanks for all the great advice you’ve put together here! I broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months ago (too possessive and immature). He went ballistic, called me all sorts of names. I went no contact at all for 3 months. He never defriended me on Facebook. He broke no contact first, asking to see me. Here’s the thing…
    He will text me, I’ll respond when I get to it and then he’ll ignore my response. A few days later he will do the same thing. This weekend I texted him, taking him up on his coffee offer, and he completely ignored me. What is he doing? And what is my strategy for this?

    1. admin

      December 1, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      Wait, he was possesive and immature or you think you were?

      I am assuming him?

    2. Lexi

      December 2, 2014 at 1:00 am

      Thanks for your response! And yes, I meant him–always has to be in control, and very overemotional/dramatic. Is he playing games with me? And do I go back to no contact or continue replying?

  4. lisa

    November 29, 2014 at 10:49 am

    we went from breaking up last year 2013 in late september… to talking again in may 2014… until now.. since then…. we have met up 2 times! both times.. we had sex… first time it was planned.. second time it wasn’t… we went out on his birthday,,, yes his birthday date! for lunch, and then to this mini arcade, i paid for lunch of course since it was his day, then it happened… out of nowhere we happened to be at my friends house having sex… making love… but the thing is… afterwords i gave his present and he really liked it!! and he even talked about his grandad and brother issues… usually his a secretive guy.. so for him to mention them was good! p.s we are both 20 years old, just turned 20…

    then after his birthday we kept talking, and have been to date…. and we even did some stuff again on skype 4 days ago!! and i asked if we would have sex… again and he said maybe ill think about it and i said think? so you dont… he said i do i do…. then we continued on.. and he said if you do this one thing we will… i said you liar! and he said no… i promised last time we did stuff on skype.. and it happened.. which clicked into my head.. he did remember! for one whole month i kept thinking how do i ask him or hint to him… when he knew and remembered all along!!

    so now we are much closer, we are seeing eachoter tuesday… to go to my friends house and wednesday i asked if he was free to come movies and dinner with his friends and me! and he said sure i dont mind so it’s fine for him… even his friend said… to me… “lisa, usually he hides his phone when texting, but it was out in the open when he was messaging you while he was with us, i could see him type, it does seem to be you two are much closer and something is going on… ”

    he is not a player, nor do i think he is using me, since we were each other’s first love… we went out for 2 yrs and 8 months and dated 6 months before,.. met when we were 15 years old! some girl came in the middie when we broke up… but used him emotionally as a rebound and hurt him… so he was attached and liked her and lost feelings for me and said the spark went… but now? seems as though we are close again… but he is the stubborn type and won’t like to give me hope or initiate catchup’s unless i do it! since it is summer holidays here… he works a lot now… so meeting new girls is my worry… but im not sure… we are intimately close… and we talk almost everyday… and even play computer games together !!

    i just know his conflicted and has his walls up since he was hurt by my lies and being a bad gf near the end… lost my attractiveness… but is it possible he could be interested again? since the break up… i’ve lost so much weight for him to comment “do you even eat anymore, on a diet?” and how we act like good close friends, who are comfortable enough to talk about family.. especially since he is secretive… and when i got in his car to pick me up… he was singing and barely looking at me since he seemed nervous! and during the arcade we played ice hockey and he kept smiling, played fighting game on the machine and kept making me lose by pushing my buttons… and when we played car race… he was teaching me how to change gear and letting me go ahead by 5 miles for a head start… and laughing a lot that day… then we happened to go to my friends house… and yeah …

    seeing him in 3 days for 2 days in a row 😮 dinner and movies on wednesday.. tuesday just us 2

    1. admin

      December 1, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      Things are certainly progressing very positively aren’t they?

    2. lisa

      December 2, 2014 at 11:31 am

      don’t speak too fast… this is what happened..
      SO i saw ryan today.. we had sex.. he picked me up at 9 am ! went to my friends house.. and yeah had a good time, relaxed, kissed, cuddled this time.. i made the effort and he did too when i asked to cuddle! we had moments where we looked at each other a lot and smiled and i would kiss him endlessly and he would seem genuine… like he liked it! anyway… he still seem weird.. and a bit awkward.. it’s like the rush/high he gets from sex… goes when he’s done
      also i saw him messaging this girl.. co-worker… he is close with i guess.. and he wasn’t hiding his phone i could see and anyway,, he was just saying his replies out loud anyway…

      then we went lunch and he paid.. was good food, then he was on his phone and probs on facebook… to her anyway, i was just upset i guess… but i cant expect too much,,, :/ also… asked him why he wanted to come today (monday) instead of waiting for monday… and he said “i dont know, urges i guess” which made me think great.. so this is friends with benefits to him? in a way… also during sex asked if he is having sex with anyone else.. he said no no of course not! and swore on my life, which i believe him

      but the thing is… during the car ride home he put these sunnies on and i said can i send a photo to ko shen and he said why? haha i said just cause he said naa, he doesn’t know we went out today.. and i said oh,… are you embarrassed of me? he said what? of course not, then i said “well could just say we went out for lunch?” and he was like… okay fine send one and i said naa… its fine but i did only to ko and ryan…
      then when we got home… i went to say bye… and probably he got weird 2 reason, my uncle came out..and saw us in car… he got freaked out… so anyway i was acting awkward.. he said why are you giving me your hand to shake so weirdly? hahaha i said can i have a goodbye kiss? he hesitated and kissed my lips… then i said no.. a proper one.. and he kissed me twice.. so didn’t seem real? seem forced…

      then i messaged him thanks for today hope you had fun, i did! and he said i did, thanks i said sorry about the kiss.. you wouldnt let me say bye and he said haha its okay dont worry about it
      then i asked if i could see him tomorrow? he said.. his mum asked him to help clean home… and i said oh? he said yeah she asked if i was working tomorrow i said no so she asked me to help clean, then i said oh are you being honest or ? he said being honest, then i said.. ahh hope it’s not an excuse… and how come you couldn’t tell your mum you were going with friends just wondering, and he said eh just thought of that excuse… doesn’t really matter does it? but i dont think he realised my question… it wasn’t for today’s excuse i meant why couldn’t he use that for tomorrows excuse and come and see me… :/

      then i said do you see me as a ***** ryan? and he said no why? i said just cause i felt like one today… and he replied with “i dont think you are one” then i said “you do know i dont sleep around at all, then i said theres two ryans #1 where you’re so nice and warm… then after sex #2 you act weird.. can i ask why? but then he replied later and he was napping from being so tired.. so i didn’t see him today.. seeing him tomorrow though with his friends and my friends i guess..

      feel as though.. my mum is right… i expect too much from him… after sex and if he acts a bit cold/weird i get upset im too sensitive.. but i know there has to be something there… he was so genuine today in bed.. the smiling, the kisses, the looking in my eye, and me cuddling him and i asked for him to cuddle and he cuddled me !!
      he does talk to other girls from work… and likes her photo she posted but he wont like my photos… i wonder why… i even asked do you have sex with anyone else? he said no no of course not, i said swear on my life? he said i swear on your life, anyway then i asked about why he never likes my photos on instagram or facebook and he said “i barely even see your photos come up? and i cant like your facebook photo now… it’ll come up on everyones newsfeed and i dont want to seem like a stalker! so when you change it back i will.. and i was like no no like it and he said fine.. then i said no.. dont want to force you but you better like it later haha as a joke

      but now… i think this co-worker and him are close.. he was messaging her on facebook infront of me.. and said ahh just friend from work… and he wasn’t really hiding it.. and like saying his reply that he was going to send out loud so i heard it? he wasn’t trying to make me jealous.. but i don’t know :'( what is going on.. we’re much much closer… talk everyday.. but im not sure what to do now!?!? what now CHRIS, please give me advice! and i’ve lost so much weight and he’s like do you even eat :p and stuff like that.. we act like friends but i guess he still feels weird when i try to be touchy and close…after sex? but first time we cuddled.. since its the 3rd time we slept with each other.. august, his birthday 16th november and then yesterday 1st of dec.. and i even asked last night if he wanted to do it again.. he said maybe hahah i said ill take that as a no… he said don’t be silly

    3. admin

      December 2, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      I personally think you shouldn’t be having sex with him until he has committed.

    4. lisa

      December 2, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      ok ok !! what else can i do!?!?

      he is close with someone else now… and i’m so worried… he is the type when a new girl comes a long he gets attached and clingy!
      im old news to him.. we act like good friends, best of friends… that have sex casually… and it’s so nice and intimate…

      should i confront him?! once i do.. theres no going back… he won’t be my friend and i’ll lose him forever…. in his snapchat for 2 weeks it was just me.. now all of a sudden it’s the girl #2 and soon she’ll be #1…. i dont know what to do… i could give him space.. but then he’ll be closer to her.. and he’ll see her more and more.. at work.. all my progress down the drain!! so stop sex, and if it happens again, oh well… but what else can i do!??!!

    5. admin

      December 3, 2014 at 4:47 pm

      Stop having sex with him.

      Take a stand.

    6. lisa

      December 4, 2014 at 8:07 am

      ok will do, i know you dont believe in readings but every reading i got was spot on 100% so this time it said this,,,,

      How he’s not interested or involved with anyone, he feels sorry for me? like he knows I care about him, he likes me… But not the same love way I do, but he might want to come back.. It just depends, and how he really is a great person who a very sympathetic and kind hearted, he isn’t playing with me, or sleeping with anyone else, the closest girl is me to him, one day he might end up loving me, but I shouldn’t tell him or confess how much I love and want to be back together … too soon not right time, but she said I could either give him space and he’ll eventually come forward or it could make him further… But she says he likes me and only time can help… to become the love you want,
      But he does like me that’s for sure
      He rather focus on his future not interested in love with anyone
      Wants to build himself up
      Maybe not same way as me but he does have feelings
      and how his talking to lots of girls
      not sleeping around at all
      How he isn’t using me, he actually likes me but not the same way I do for ryan, mines love ryan just has feelings and likes me and feels sorry for me… Because he knows I love him he can’t let me go?
      But wants me at the same time .

      also said he isn’t with anyone, don’t give him the love letter/confess your love and want him back how that is too soon… don’t do it. how he feels sorry for me because he knows i love him… he doesn’t want to leave me alone/let me go, he is only thinking about his future, nothing about love, he wants to stand on his own two feet, she said his a very good guy with a warm heart and is kind, but because ryan doesn’t want to get married in any due time… we can’t see if we’ll end up together or so, but maybe he might love me so much he will come around and realise and be with me for marriage, she even asked if he is using me? and said no, he really wants me.!!. (could be about sex, or just in general, she didn’t say…) and how his feelings aren’t exact replica of mine.. if he doesn’t talk to me one day he wont go crazy… he is the type to never really give his all to a girl romantically since he got hurt etc he isn’t as warm as me, he is a bit cold and can’t express himself and how he doesn’t like being confronted with questions and such that make him feel awkward.. and weird… she said he can love me and want to marry me but i dont know, because he doesn’t want to think about marriage in the reading it wont come up, he isn’t thinking about love or falling for someone at all,

      then she got one for the girl… i was freaking out about and how they aren’t together, and how he isn’t with any girl like the way he is with me, but he does talk to alot of girls and joke and stuff but with me he is different, and how when she says there is nothing it means even if the girl wants ryan, he doesn’t necessarily want it (more of a social, chatting up girls type of thing, not sleeping around at all) and at the end she asked again and said the reader can’t tell me the little things but she did mention overall how ryan wants me and likes me ,

    7. lisa

      December 4, 2014 at 2:03 pm

      my point is.. how do you get your ex to be closer.. when he is such a carefree nice guy.. and you can talk everyday, and he may even flirt… but obviously…. i dont know what now… we event talked on the phone 2 nights ago when i said if it was ok for me to call… 2-3 am… and this guy never talks or calls .. he barely talked but anyway.. he isn’t a talkative social butterfly…

      he is the type when a new person comes a long, friend or whatever he acts very interested and yeah.. he isn’t like that with me since he knows me so well.. i even asked if i could see him before i went to malaysia and he said yeah okays…

      feel like we’re friends but we’re more if that makes sense.. we flirt, we talk, we’re comfortable with eachother we even sat next to each other at the movies last night when we went as a group with his friends.. and he did this bit where he was feeding his friends popcorn as a joke and placing it in their mouths then he looks at me… and does the airplane thing with his fingers and places the popcorn in my mouth and i bite his thumb :p

      he is super comfortable with me… i just dont want to be stuck in the “friend-zone” when i know we’re more

    8. lisa

      December 9, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      well… his closer to this girl now.. and his friend said.. how it’s pretty much one sided.. and my ex said he doesn’t want to go in a relationship with her, since she is doing a course.. and will be back to china or sydney or whatever.. only a working visa! anyway… his not focused to be with anyone… but how do i get out of the friendzone… ill stop having sex.. and be less clingy/needy…

      but what else.. can i do 🙁

    9. lisa

      December 10, 2014 at 1:03 pm

      im seeing him tomorrow to pretty much ask what we are.. and maybe end it for good…. since his friend said he was kissing and hugging the girl last night.. and he was drunk… didn’t regret it but you know.. :'(

      so might be best.. i ask what we are, and if he says nothing or wont be.. ill say bye.. and ask to leave..

    10. lisa

      December 3, 2014 at 5:03 am

      and last night i asked if i could call it was 2 am and we talked until 3am… and he tried to help with my situation about moving to malaysia or not… and what he would do, just advice… and anyway..he was like trying to get the girls at work to be my biddies and hell laughed :p I’m like whats a biddie? and he said work bitches LOL and hell laughing jokingly then i said oh oh how old are they and he said oh they’re our age but some are from sydney or melbourne doing a course so they’ll be back soon ! and anyway… i was like oh so are your work biddies going tomorrow and he said naaa haha just guy mates +doug i was like oh okays! and how he said they live south of the river so they’re meeting city? i didn’t ask he mentioned it… and then i joked around saying hows your work biddies 😉 and he’s like haha good good at dragon palace.. for lunch! like he is so truthful… so real, he doesn’t even owe me anything an explanation… but tells me anyway… idk
      what are the clear signs of him chasing me? guys that chase you, message you all the time, Ask to see you, talk and reply asap not be weird when you go in for a kiss to say bye.. (probe caught him off guard) idk… since uncle came out saw us and went back in and he got freaked a bit LOL but on the phone he’s like i barely talk to anyone… i don’t have casual talks, i just can’t be fucked or care, which he is … care free guy
      i asked if i could see him before i go malaysia and he was like yeah okays 🙂

  5. Jenny

    November 29, 2014 at 1:08 am

    Hi Chris,

    Quick question, does the no contact work most of the time? What if the guy is completely fed up, exhausted, and almost relieved to not be in the relationship anymore. I know the love is there, he’s even said he could see himself marrying me and that he doesn’t want to lose me, but the fighting and the distance have proven to be too difficult. When we broke up he cried and he never cries, but after we spoke again a few days later he seemed nonchalant and relieved that I was no longer in his life. I’m not sure if he just has an excellent poker face, or not? Would the NC rule apply in this situation or is it just a lost cause?

    Thanks for the help!

    1. admin

      December 1, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      I would say most of the reason people fail is because they lack the discipline to complete the NC rule. Of course, there is no guarantee that NC will work all of the time but in my experience it yields very positive results.

  6. Emmy

    November 29, 2014 at 1:01 am

    Hi everyone, I just wanted to share my experience of my breakup and NC and how it is working for me so far.
    I broke up with my boyfriend of four years (he is 25, I am 22) on October 21 because after he had a work injury, he was prescribed pain pills and I suspected he was abusing them by taking too many and it was becoming a problem. He was totally resistant every time I talked about it so I decided we should end it. Even when I broke up with him, I hoped that we would get back together but I wanted to scare him to let him know I was serious and that I would not put up with any of his issues.
    I packed up all of his stuff and made him leave our apartment on October 24. He moved back in with his parents an hour and a half away. I started NC the next day, October 25. Even though I initiated the break up, NC was really, REALLY difficult for me. I wanted to know what he was up to, who he was with, if he was thinking about me. But because I am also a pretty stubborn person, I kept NC even though it was painful. I blocked him on all social media, and I made it so all of his calls would go straight to voicemail on my phone. I would still get his texts though. He would send this really LONG texts about how sorry he was and how he wanted to work things out but some of the texts were really angry too. These actually really motivated me to keep NC because the texts were becoming more and more desperate.
    Yesterday (Thanksgiving), he texted me that Thanksgiving wasn’t the same without me and he hoped I was having a good holiday.
    I replied (for the first time in 34 days), and here is the abbreviated, paraphrased conversation that ensued:
    Me: I hope you’re having a good Thanksgiving too. Also, I found a box of your stuff in my apartment, it’s a bunch of wires and CDs, just wanted to know what I should do with it. I could mail it or whatever if you want.
    Him: I will be in the city sometime this week, I could pick it up then.
    Me: Okay cool, just let me know when you are on your way, I will put it on the steps.
    Him: Could I take you to dinner while I’m there? We could go to [a restaurant that I really like but he’s not crazy about]?
    Me: Haha well it depends on when you’re planning on coming up, my school schedule is weird now. (This is a lie, my schedule never changed)
    Him: Well what day is best for you? (Notice how it changes from him picking up the box when he was already going to be in town to him coming when it’s convenient for me.)
    Me: Monday afternoons are best for me. (This is another lie. I know that he works on Monday afternoons, but I wanted to see if this was important enough for him to take a day off).
    Him: Okay, let’s plan for this Monday. (followed by lots of emojis with the big smile)
    I know there were some lies and head games involved here. But this was the best way for me to get some information without me having to ask for it. For example, I know that he wants to see me enough that he is willing to go around my (pretend) schedule and take a day off from work. I am really looking forward to Monday and I am optimistic about us getting back together.
    Even before finding this site, I have always believed in NC after a breakup whether or not I wanted to get back together with that person. I DEFINITELY think NC helped me get the upper hand here. I will follow up with details about our dinner on Monday if anyone is interested to know.

    1. admin

      December 1, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Interesting!

      The fake schedule thing was pretty clever actually.

  7. Jan

    November 28, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    I am day 3 into NC. Thing is, when we split up, i unfriended him and apparently he was really hurt by this, so i left him txt msgs apologizing after i realized i had made a mistake. I had sent him a fb invite…..(this is before i started NC).

    Should i withdraw the fb invite in the midst of NC, he has not yet reponded ie. accepted it or declined it.

    Opinion pls?

    1. admin

      December 1, 2014 at 3:21 pm

      No just stay cool. Do nothing.

  8. Nora taki

    November 27, 2014 at 12:26 am

    Hi Chris, sorry for bothering you 🙂
    Broken loving relation of 5 years :
    Done no contact up to 05/11 for 30 days, sent him a text mssg to his phone because I was blocked on whatsup and fb, got notification as text received, no answer, a week later he unblocked me on whatsup..but 2 days later he deactivated all his accounts (whatsup, fb)…! where do I stand now ? nearly 2 months of no contact, do you think that he forgot about me and he moved on ? there is a chance that he will try to get in touch? please reply Chris. Thanks

    1. admin

      November 28, 2014 at 3:15 pm

      I doubt he forgot about you.

    2. Nora taki

      November 28, 2014 at 11:44 pm

      Thanks Chris,
      I also think he did not forget as yet..
      Now I decided to back off and just see if he is going to do something.. otherwise I will move on ! The NC was a very good practice, I am used to live my days without him in my life 🙂 I will see, its up to him now.. I will not try to reach to him, but I will respond if he try to talk..
      Thanks so much Chris, you are very much appreciated 😉

  9. marie

    November 26, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    my ex and I had dated just shy of 11 months. we broke up 5 months ago. we had moved in together and I became depressed because we worked opposite schedules and I never got to do anything and I barely saw him. he broke up with me the day after I had my final talk with him. we had kept in contact because I didn’t move my stuff out right away.. I moved into a different place and found some of his stuff.. he had come by and picked it up. we seemed okay. I had a very bad day (the end of August I think) and I had texted him saying I just wanted to talk to him and he never responded.. then continued to not respond. I went a little crazy and just tried to say anything I could to get a response. I talked to our old roommate on Oct 26th and she told me some things about him. that he was messing with this girl that he works with but had said many times she was a rebound. that he had tried to get rid of her once already but she had said she didn’t even want to be friends then and he kept with it I suppose. I got angry and texted him some mean stuff, and he finally responded. he was just being mean the whole time.. saying why would I need a rebound if I was the one who broke it off.. telling me that I was crazy and that I was the rebound..that he was done and to leave him alone. I thought he was already done and didn’t understand why he was replying? I guess I took pleasure that I still could get to him like that. I was also told the day before Halloween that he had slept with one of my best friends after we broke up and I realized that’s why she had ignored me all that time after we broke up. I said something to him about it, got no response. but I know that something bad happened between them on Halloween and they’re no longer friends. on November 22, my ex and the girl he was messing with made it Facebook official. not to mention that for whatever reason, a picture they had taken together he was either untagged in or she deleted. so I’m just not understanding. I haven’t had Facebook for a couple months now because I thought it was best for me not to stalk but ppl tell me these things. apparently he liked every comment under their relationship status update.. and has posted nearly everyday since we broke up. when we were together he barely posted 4 times. he never felt the need to be on his phone,let alone facebook. I guess if you have any insight as to why he would do any of this.. please let me know. thank you!

    1. admin

      November 28, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      Its not a bad thing that he was so wrapped up in you that he didn’t post on Facebook.

    2. marie

      December 9, 2014 at 6:50 am

      yeah, I guess. I just think he’s a serial dater but I just couldn’t understand r and why you’d make it official on Facebook with someone you already tried to drop once. the only thing I can think of is she pushed him into it.. I don’t know but I don’t want him back anymore.. just want clarity that I’ll never get.. thanks for listening.

  10. Julie

    November 26, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Thank you for your wonderful advice.

    I have a quick question for you, a man’s take. We are at the talking stage and I asked him if he would like to give me a second chance and try this again. He said he wasn’t sure and that he had to think about it. ( I broke up with him ps )

    So I just wanted to know, is that a good sign that he is at least considering it? I feel like it is a positive development, but you know the male mind better then I do.

    It has been 1 day ( not even 24 hours yet) I won’t contact him, cause I want to be respectful of his space. But also how long do you think is a normal time to process?

    Sorry longer then I thought, but thank you so much!

    1. admin

      November 28, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      When did you ask him the second chance question.

      Through texting, after a one on one date?

    2. Julie

      November 28, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      we don’t live in the same city, so it was via text.

  11. Anna

    November 25, 2014 at 4:50 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I have been following the NC rule but wondering, what do you do if you are long distance (we moved away after the break up) and your partner doesn’t use social media? Are there any special rules to keep them from forgetting you?

    1. admin

      November 26, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      I doubt he’d forget you even without the use of social media.

      The social media thing isn’t as big of a deal as its made out to be. It can help but its not the be all end all.

  12. Lola

    November 24, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    hey chris
    although this doesn’t belong to this page. However, I see that this is the most active page considering that it’s the newest and I really want an answer.
    Last November, I met a guy, and we fell in love madly. I had known that he was involved in a long distance relationship with a girl who belongs to a different relegion, and that they broke up because of that mainly, and also because she used to lie to him a lot, and then they broke up because she cheated on him, only to get back together because she had sworn back and forth that it’s all a misunderstanding. However, eventually, her parents interfeered and told him that it’s time to break up. After their break up, she trashed him saying that he was using her and that he was lying to her the whole time. Only to start trying to win him back again!. She started texting him insanly, and he always told her that there is 0% chance between the two of them ( I later found out that she is the manipulative,”I’m a victim” type of person, according to more than a handful of people).
    After I got involved with this guy, she was still trying to win him back, and each time she talked to him, he showed me the conversation, and how it really was nothing (it really wasn’t, on his side). We fell in love madly, and we knew that we were the love of each other’s lives (for real), and we were just so happy, and the whole relationship went very smoothly and it just felt so right, he introduced me to his parents, I introduced him to mine, and we opened up to each other. Until she decided to act sneaky again, he didn’t respond to her nagging or anything, but I still felt that if he didn’t cut her out entirely, it wouldn’t be right. He said that he simply cannot do this, because she is in his circle of his friends, and that she ruined his reputation when he stopped talking to her, which is why a hello every now and then would be fine.
    After a handful of fights, and him even starting to defending her and said “her biggest concern was that we wouldn’t fight, she always said sorry even when it was my fault, unlike you who always want to pick up a fight like you actually want us to break up”, we broke up.We decided to stay friends, quoting him “I don’t want to lose you ever,you make me want to be a better person, and so many things changed in my life for the better when I met you. I know we probably rushed into this, but I don’t want it to be entirely over for us, so please let’s try to be friends because you mean the most to me”. A week later, he confessed all the terrible things she used to do to him, she even did yet another thing to try to get him back, which he didn’t agree to. He geniunly apologized and told me that he only defended her because he was mad at the way I was talking, and that he knows that she is a mistake,we got into more fights about her (even though we were broken up), he started saying that the only reason they broke up was because of her religion! foregetting alllll the terrible things she had done to him!.
    Our break-up was heartbreaking, and we stayed 8 months single after that, the first five or six months were the worst, and then when summer came. She came on a visit here, and they got back together!. I was furious and angry and confused, I told a mutual friend about the get back together and he was outraged as well!. He went and talked to him about it, and my guy swore to him that before she came back for a visit, he had really let her go, and that he was never thinking of her, and he was fully aware that she was a mistake, and never really thought he would think of her again, but when she came back here, his friends told him that she has changed, and he each time he met her he saw how different she really was! and said that there were really some radical changes, and that she had actually done so many amazing heartfelt things that if he told him what it was he would encourage him to get back to her. He asked him what they were, but he didn’t tell him. He also told him that LDR relationships are really hard to work, and his stupid answer was “she’s going to visit every Christmas and every summer, so it’s not a LDR anymore -_-“. He asked him if he loved her, and he shut up then said “I thought about it and she is the right decision”. Please Chris tell me what is this :'(. was I played? are they true love and was I just a stupid rebound? and is there a chance for me to get him back from that backstabber?

    1. admin

      November 25, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Haha clever commenting here.

      Honestly, you seem like the better choice than this LDR girl.

      I definitely don’t think they are true love b/c of how she treated him.

      I think really there is a chance but its going to take a while for him to realize that this girl he is with is bad news and is PLAYING HIM.

  13. Sheila

    November 24, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I have been following your rules to get my ex back. I have been on No contact for almost 6 months now. He hasn’t tried to reach out yet neither have I. However I know he checks on my blog once a month or so. It was recently brought to my attention that he has deleted some of my friends (mutual friends) from his FB. But not me. I mean he unfriended all of my friends and anyone who he had a tie with via me. Im still there. Does it mean anything? Or i’m just reading to much into it? I also noticed that he has deleted some those new girlfriends who he actually added them just recently. Please tell me what is going on in his head. Thanks!

    1. admin

      November 25, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      I think you might have to be the one to reach out.

      6 months NC is a little long…

  14. Stephanie

    November 20, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Hey Chris. We broke up 3 weeks ago after 2 years and living together. He has GAGS I believe and unsure if he’s ready to commit. I found him occasionally chatting with other girls and ended it. He says he’s not sure if he’s attracted to me anymore. I don’t want it to be over but I don’t want him to think that’s ok and he says he’s taking time to figure things out. After 2 weeks we met and I asked where his head was and he just said idk so I gave his key back and said we shouldn’t talk. I immediately did the desperate thing and started texting him but he refuses to answer me. So I started NC about 5 days ago. Do I have a chance at getting him back? We really had a great relationship he just got weird about commitment.

    1. Taylor

      November 21, 2014 at 4:27 am

      Stephanie, I just started NC with my ex boyfriend 7 days ago. Let’s exchange e-mails to get through it together and make it easier lol

      taylorhall951 AT yahoo DOT com

    2. Stephanie

      November 20, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      GIGS sorry

  15. meriem

    November 19, 2014 at 10:59 am

    hey ,chris it’s me again this time i succeeded in doing no contact i’m on day 49 now yes i’m 🙂 i know you”r probably thinking why i didn’t contacted my ex until now well the answer is i don’t know what to say those simple messages i think they don’t fit my situation.last time we spoke whe had a huge fight and i deleted him from my skype account because he was so harch on me and he knows that.i think i need another msg to aproach him without letting him think that i have no dignity because he didn’t contacted me during no contact eventhough he was the one hurting me in this fight.plzz give me you’r opinion and if you can plzz write something about this situation.thank you in advance 🙂

  16. Trina

    November 15, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    So, my story is quite a long one. I’ll try and just cut to the chase really, we were together 2 years, it was amazing, both heartbroken over the break up, he promised someday we would get back together. We talked a few weeks after the break up and he would make promises but never would go through with them. Eventually he started ignoring me, which is when I found your site, (which was very helpful) followed all the rules, and then we started talking again, to the point where we were telling eachother we loved eachother and planned to get back together. After a few months of this he started tapering off again, and I developed an eating disorder, numbing myself from feelings and convinced myself I was over him. He tried to contact me several times, but I was too depressed to even talk to anyone at that point. I ended up getting help and he was there for me through the whole process, telling me how proud he was of me. We talked everyday all day for the first few weeks I got home, but then he started tapering off again, still talking everyday, but he would randomly just stop texting. Recently, we planned to meet up sometime in the next two months. I’m nervous, as I haven’t seen him since our break up, over a year ago now. I should mention this is long distance, it wasn’t at first, during our relationship we lived in the same town, but broke up shortly after I moved. So, any advice?

  17. Ariel

    November 14, 2014 at 1:34 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my ex broke up around 3 months ago,I completed n/c for a month every thing was good we spoke very friendly with each other but I had a bad moment told him how I missed him ect, I then went into n/c for another 3 weeks and then friend zoned him he agreed told me he misses me and how he hopes we can stay friends.

    A couple of weeks went on and he started to make contact my messages and snap chats, there is another girl involved that I have noticed I had a moment and told him I think it’s best we don’t talk, he asked if I was okay I said I’m fine he then replied saying well why don’t you want to talk, my respone was because it’s awkward we dated for over 3 years he said ok.

    My question is what do I do next I’m stuck?

  18. Kris

    November 10, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Just looking for an opinion here…
    It’s been 4 months since my ex broke up with me. In that time, and recently, I’ve been working on myself and looking back have just started to realize mistakes I had made in the relationship and how I had went about certain things in the wrong way. I completed NC and I have tried reaching out a few times; I am always the one to initiate conversation. This last time that I had reached out to him, he had responded to my text with a picture of himself. This only strikes me as odd because he was never really one for that and only ever did that a handful of times while we were dating. So why now?

    1. Is there a way to address my mistakes at this point?
    2. Sending a picture of yourself is quite the leap from just a text; it feels more intimate and personal, especially to you your ex girlfriend that you broke up with. Not trying to jump to conclusions but why would he not initiate conversation but send me a picture of himself?
    3. How can I influence him to initiate conversation/leave him wanting more so he will text me when I don’t get enough from him to go on?

    1. admin

      November 20, 2014 at 3:23 pm

      1. No, wait until some time has gone by.
      2. A picture is more powerful than a normal text. He probably is trying to get a reaction out of you.
      3. Ending the convo at the high point.

      It’s also ok if you have to intiiate the conversation as long as the conversation is really good and positive.

    2. Kris

      November 24, 2014 at 8:20 pm

      1. How long should I wait to apologize for my mistakes in the relationship and erase that image?
      2. What do you think it means when an ex is trying to get a reaction out of you? What’s the point though of sending a picture of yourself to get a reaction? What is an ex looking for in that kind of situation?
      3. I feel like I’ve tried everything and just end up having to start from the beginning everytime I try to reach out to him. Is there a another approach I could try? Is there a different kind of approach for extremely stubborn guys?

    3. admin

      November 25, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      1. After NC
      2. Usually they are still thinking about you a lot.
      3. What have you tried?

    4. Kris

      November 25, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      1. What if I have already completed NC successfully? should I admit my mistakes and start all over?
      2. If an ex sending a picture of himself means trying to get a reaction out of you or still thinking about me, then why not reach out or try to keep conversation going? Is this just some kind of game?
      3. I’ve successfully completed NC. I’m always the one to initiate conversation, he hasn’t tried to reach out. I got to the point of trying a more emotional type message and get no response. So I started with more initial text messages and feel I’m still not getting enough from him. There have been times when he responds more, but most of the time he either stops mid conversation or does not respond at all. Recently he replied to a text with a picture of himself, no words just a picture of himself. I tried to initiate 2 times since then and he has not responded. Could there be a different approach for the really stubborn guys out there?

    5. admin

      November 26, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      1. Yes, but you need to do it naturally and not forced.
      2. Maybe to him at this point it could be. I am working on writing an article that I think would be super helpful for you.
      3. Are you always the one to end it too?

    6. Kris

      November 26, 2014 at 4:30 pm

      1. I was just going to write something simple and to the point and send it to him. Just kind of lay it all out there, do a short NC after that and try reaching out again and see what happens.
      2. So he may be thinking about me a lot, yet he could be playing some kind of game? How confusing! YAY I love new articles, can’t wait!
      3. I have been before, maybe once. I try to get to that point but he just stops responding when I try to keep converstaion going. Or he won’t respond at all, which is where I’m at now. He hasn’t responded to my past 2 messages.

  19. him

    November 9, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    Hey chris,
    It’s been awhile since I have been on your website but I’m back with more news, let’s start from the beginning.
    I dated my ex for just about three years and he was great and he broke up with me about a year ago I still have strong feelings for him and he’s all I think about.
    There is this other girl seems like he has had feelings for her since we broke up. He tweeted a quote to her saying “i love you so much it hurts” and she favorited but I don’t think they will date because I don’t think she likes him or wants a boyfriend. But I feel like I can’t get him back because he sees her as the “ungettable girl” but how do I become that?? She’s pretty and he seems like he really likes her and it makes me so emotional watching him go to her. What do you think I should do? I am friends with his friends and I am in two classes with him and this other girl goes to a different school. How do I show him at this point, that I just want him back without being needy, do I act as if he doesn’t exist? Well he already did that to me, when we broke up someone would talk about me to him and he would say who is that?? I don’t want to lose hope and I have seen in cases with my friends they broke up for a year and the boyfriend didn’t date anyone but the girl friend did and she realized she still liked the boyfriend. Thanks I tell you more in detail of you would like.

    1. admin

      November 20, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Yep, NC!

      Act as if he doesn’t exist.

    2. him

      November 23, 2014 at 12:58 pm

      We haven’t talk in about a year we have only had about two mutual convos and we made eye contacted and laughed together other than that we don’t talk. Will this still work after we have been broken up for a year?

  20. bea

    November 7, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Hi Chris
    I met my ex recently to return some stuff and he invited me to stay a little. We had a some wine and chat about our lives (not the relationship). But now he keeps ignoring me and pretending I don’t exist. He doesn’t interact with me in anyway. No facebook, chat, emails…nothing.
    we were together 12 years, we’ve been apart 4 months with rare contact. I did NC then messaged him positively, he responded but never initiated contact. We ran into each other, I was funny and light and he reacted politely and I think he was a little jealous too. Then I decided to go on nc for good and completely disappear. And then we had to meet (it was a coincidence, but he asked me if I was in town, meaning he noticed I was gone…). Why??

    Also, I’ve got the impression that he what killed his feelings was my negativism (depression, stuck in life) and he saw me as a disease he had to get rid of. But I’ve healed myself from that and I would like him to know that. I’m still stuck in life, though, so it’s a little hard to believe he would take me back, however I can think of a solution if he ever reconsidered getting back. But what to think? Or do?

    Anyway, why his he friendly in private and only when our meetings are inevitable, but out of that ignores me? And can I ever change his mind about my negativism? What can I do now?

    Thank you

    1. admin

      November 20, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Was he always the type where YOU had to initiate contact throughout the relationship?

    2. bea

      November 22, 2014 at 2:06 pm

      Thanks for answering Chris.

      No. He was always contacting me. He had strong insecurity and control issues. But since this episode I’ve seen enough of this let’s pretend you don’t exist game. I don’t know if you ever wrote about that reaction, but there are exes who are mean. I want to believe they’re so focused on living their new life that they tend to forget us, or that we’re watching and that we’re probably suffering. It’s too selfish nevertheless. But, if so, sometimes, they go too far. So far you can no longer believe it’s not on purpose. I don’t do the things he does. It would be very disrespectful to him and the memory of our past and meaningful relationship. I don’t post anything about real love, relationships, or men in general; or about our past, I don’t post photos or videos from events and things we did together or songs that were “ours” and certainly would never use those memories to hit on a guy; or constantly invite his friends, who were more his than mine, to events and leave him out, or disrespect his timings and use communication channels he may not be using to send important messages assuming he’s just playing hard to get. Someone who does this cannot be just “busy living his life”, right?

      Thanks again.

    3. admin

      November 24, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      Yes, there are some very vindictive and mean exes.

      Very true.

      They almost want revenge or want to make you hurt as much as they do and they know just how to do that to you.

1 26 27 28 29 30