How To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend- The Comprehensive Guide

359 thoughts on “The Correct Way To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend”

Apple

November 8, 2013 at 12:56 pm

Hi, Chris,

Atmosphere got better yesterday. I did some excursion on my own, and had dinner with him. We are now talking relaxed topics, looked each other in the eyes and smile, he touched my leg with his very shortly. And I played a bit hard to get.

I’m still concerned about eye contact. Both of us dare looking at each other now. Is it a sign of him accepting me as a friend or he may have a bit feelings back?

admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:08 pm

If he can’t look you in the eye it may mean he has feelings. I mean thats how I act around a girl I like.
Apple

November 9, 2013 at 11:18 am

Yesterday he started making jokes, looking at me with his puppy face again when we were together. Talking to me about his family again.

But in the night we went out with hisgirlfriends, he completely ignored me, , walking with and talking to those girls about their friend circle which I have no clue about. Even when his friends tried to incorporate me in the conversation, he changes the topic, only talking to his friends. I pulled back a bit afterwards, he might have looked at me to check my reaction. I was for sure a bit uncomfortable, but acted cool, smiled all the time.

Why does he have such different reactions? Daring looking me in the eyes, is it a sign that is totally over? Shall I also do so when he looks at me?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:07 am

Yes look right back into his eyes and don’t look away.
Apple

November 9, 2013 at 11:43 am

PS, we had many eye contacts before we went out. Conversation is a bit mix, some new topics as friends, and some intimate old topics we we’re together (his family, our old friends). And we’re more comfortable with touching. I was asking opinions on nail polish, and naturally took my hand. But just for the going out, he ignored me, not talking to me at all, and doesn’t look at me much, only his girlfriends.

Ehh, is it also a sign that he still have feelings or, it means feelings are gone?
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:07 am

I think he does have feelings.

Sydney

November 6, 2013 at 6:48 pm

I was thinking about texting my ex and asking if he wanted to come over to watch the walking dead with me, but I don’t want it to sound like I’m asking him to hangout because before, whenever I asked him to hangout he would always ignore me then eventually he told me he doesn’t want to hangout with me cause it would be weird and we most likely wouldn’t hangout again.
He doesn’t get the channel TWD airs on (that’s why when we were together he was over at my house every sunday watching it with me) so he waits until he can watch it online. I was thinking of saying something like
“If you ever want to watch it at 9 on a tv, i’m okay with you coming here. There would be rules lol, but it wouldn’t be a big deal”
1. Do you think this sounds casual and non-threatening or does it sound like I’m asking him to hangout?
2. Would it be a good idea to send a text like this if I haven’t been able to get him engaged in conversations yet?

Thank you so much for the help again! 🙂 You should get an award for your patience and kindness haha

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Yup I think the text is really good!

Apple

November 5, 2013 at 12:41 pm

Hi Chris,

It’s Apple. Doing great in NC. Meeting my ex soon, he texted yesterday to confirm my visit. I joked a bit to make him not burdened by my visit. However, he first simply answered by “of course not…”, “no…”. Then I elegantly ended the talk, and he started typing more neutral attitude answers.

Is he tired of me, or is he worried, somehow I can imagine a sad/worried tone from the text? I felt I am strong enough to face him, I’m still gonna talk light, pleasant topics and small jokes to him, do you think it’s too early and will shock him that I recovered too quick to be true?

Best,
Apple

admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Apple!

How are ya?

No, I think its perfect. And sometimes shocking someone works out in your favor.
Apple

November 7, 2013 at 3:44 am

Met him. Atmosphere a bit awkward, feels he is still determined to end up our relationship, which might be normal since it’s the first day. Friendly talked a bit about our relationship, my mistake. Also one moment we talked about girls looks, he started looking at me, I got a bit shy and didn’t look back too long.

What are these moments signalling? What conversation shall I lead the topic to? WE r trying to create topics. Me bringing out some good memories doesn’t not seem to work too quick.
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:02 pm

You should have looked right back at him. Make HIM turn away!

I think a connection is there but more work needs to be done.

Nami

November 5, 2013 at 5:16 am

Hi Chris,

Left a message a few days ago but did not see a response so trying to reach you here. It’s a long story so will just say this. I called my boyfriend on the phone we talked a bit and he has always replied when I text him or comment when I send him a picture. I cannot see him for another week as I’m still traveling but plan on seeing him as soon as I return. So far, have talked to him about his work etc not us as he is super stressed out about it. And plan on just sending a picture here and there until I’m back as I don’t want to talk to him about his moving away until face to face, do you advise this? He has seemingly decided that our relationship should not go on because he’s moving but he responds to me and I want to talk to him in person. Your perspective? Thank you so much for your insight, love your blog!

admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Thanks for reading it!

Have you treid NC yet?

dee

November 4, 2013 at 12:08 pm

I’m on day 10 of NC and my ex has been contacting me very often since day 1, texting and calling but mostly calling lately. In the case that our ex is calling us during nc, what is the 1st thing we should say to them when nc is over? After all these weeks, I finally contact him, I know he obviously misses me and/or is thinking about me a lot but at the same time, I know he will be a bit upset with me. What do I say???? Plus, after I text him, he will probably not try to text me back; he will CALL me instead.

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Just say you can’t talk on the phone right nowyou have to text.
dee

November 4, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Ok. What’s the 1st thing I should say to him when nc is over since it will be awkward to say something like “I ran acoss thess Harry Potter movies…” since he’s been texting and calling almost daily?
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:25 pm

Get creative. It has to be interesting but at the same time you can make it casual.

Maddy

November 3, 2013 at 1:00 am

Hi 🙂
I’m 16 and I know it’s a high school story but I want help. So I went to this school trip this summer and basically fell in love with him (let’s call him Jim) and he did for me to. It was a summer romance. But when school got back in my ex (during the school year before) apologized and I thought that I had more history with my ex so I should try to make it work with him basically I was wrong and hidden changed. And after ignoring Jim for so long finally we started flirting again, we volunteer, we have physics together but I feel like he has no problem flirting with me but I feel like I’m being that hard to get girl with out even trying to be and I think he thinks I have no feeling for him but I DO! And I don’t know what I should do because I miss him

admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Well you need to find the balance between being too hard to get and making him think he has a chance and you have feelings.
Maddy

November 6, 2013 at 1:44 am

What’s the best way to tell him I miss him because I want to be straight up but not creepy..
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Build up to the i miss you. Slowly build a texting campaign to make you saying that not weird.

LadyD

November 2, 2013 at 1:23 am

Update: Just bought your book btw!

Ok, he and I did text last week. He said he wanted to discuss things with me, and I said I would listen. He told me I violated his space by talking to his “friend” as he put it (the woman he asked to come back and go on a trip). He said I was being vindictive (I wasn’t; I just wanted to know if they were involved and he wouldn’t answer me). He then said I made false accusations towards him based on third party information. I invited him to say more and asked if he was saying I was lied to. I then said I had last minute tickets to a movie (which was true) and that I had to go. He told me to have fun. I texted the next day thanking him and saying I did have fun. I asked him what else he wanted to tell me. He said he couldn’t because of work. So, I left it alone for a few days. I just tried the “happy memory” thing a couple of times. No response. So…in no contact. One of the memories I used was my hair (he loved the way a product I use smelled). I had gotten a hair treatment with it, and sent him a pic of my new hairstyle and improved look when I told him about it. The other was a camping trip memory where we were really relaxed and carefree; time seemed to stop. But..nothing. So, I’m in NC again until next week sometime I suppose. What is happening here? Can you please educate me? He seems angry still, although he says he wants to put it behind him. It’s hard to steer him away from what the fight was about, but it’s already been two months (including over a month of NC); I’m worried he’ll move on if it takes much longer….he says he thinks I have moved on because I told him I went on a date…

admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:51 pm

You can contact him if you have already done the month of NC. I mean, what was your reasoning for not contacting him again? Sorry I completely forgot. It’s been a rough week.
LadyD

November 2, 2013 at 8:01 pm

I was backing off for a few days at a time if I didn’t get a positive response. (The phone call and texting back and forth was last week). I sent two memories this last week. Sunday, about camping. Nothing. Wednesday, I told him about my new job. Nothing. Friday, sent him the pic of my new haircut. He responded a few hours later, saying it “looks great!” So, is that a positive response, or should I be in NC for a few days? (SEE, I am reading the book, lol!)

Also, our issues will likely come up at some point in the near future. When and how is it ok to talk about this? Eventually, we will probably need to…I’m ok with waiting a bit though if he doesn’t bring it up. But, if he does?
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:12 pm

I think that the response was positive BUT the other two are kind of troubling. What you need is to get him engaged with a more neutral starter just to see if he is serious about talking to you or just being nice.
LadyD

November 2, 2013 at 4:37 am

Also, he has yet to deny anything that I was told by this other woman. I asked him if I was lied to and got no response, except when he said he was being falsely accused and wouldn’t say more than that.
admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Sounds like he is being backed into a corner and he doesn’t want to respond b/c he may be guilty…
LadyD

November 2, 2013 at 5:01 am

Oh boy, I’m starting to sound like a major page hog here. He just texted me back in response to the hair pic I sent this afternoon. He said my hair looks great….
admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:07 pm

hog it all you want.

Elle

November 1, 2013 at 8:49 am

So during the NC period what is the best way to act when you see your ex at a common place you both visit daily… Ex:the gym…

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Confident, Happy, Bubbly and don’t avoid things or make things awkward. Don’t be afriad to wave and acknowledge and have a LITTLE chat. Short chat.

Kasey

October 31, 2013 at 1:15 am

I was wondering, how do you avoid getting friend zoned once you start contacting your ex again? I’m almost done with no contact, but I’m so afraid that if I start talking to him, he’ll end up friend zoning me. what do I do?

admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Well, as long as you hit the right emotional hotbuttons hopefully you won’t get put in the friendzone but YOU could friendzone him first and then take him out (lead him on a bit) and then put him back in friendzone territory… Thats one way to avoid it hahahahaha.
Kasey

October 31, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Thanks for the response. How can you tell your hitting the right emotional hotbuttons?
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:05 pm

He is responding positively every time and you can just tell he is enjoying the interaction.

Lina

October 29, 2013 at 4:57 pm

I broke up with my ex due to him being cold, unapproachable for weeks after some conflicts we had. We did resolve it, but at that time I had put so much effort and energy into “fixing” it that I was tired and drained. I broke up with him a few days later because after some thinking, I felt that we might not be able to make each other happy.

We ended things on good terms, since we are pretty calm and always try to come to a conclusion with logic. He basically said that he still loved me, but couldn’t force me to be with him, so he would support my choice. I said that I needed time to focus on improving myself, and that there was hope for us in the future. We still love each other very much. It has been a few days since I ended it, and I’m not sure if it I think the decision is as good as I thought it was. We did exchange a few words afterwards on his initiative.

My questions is that if I proceed with the NC rule, won’t there be a chance for him to give up after a while? I want him to put effort in getting back with me, but he’s not the person to run after things he deems hopeless. He also said clearly that he would respect my decision, since he couldn’t force anyone to be with him after all. What should I do? Should I write a message about how I have realized that I made a mistake, or would that be very lame, if you know what I mean? It’s not like he was the one who wanted to break up either, so I may have my chances.

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:00 am

that almost never happens with NC but you are right there is a chance. It all comes down to YOU personally weighing the risks.
Lina

October 29, 2013 at 5:03 pm

Just adding some clarification. My point is that if I proceed with the NC rule, I will appear uninterested and showing him signs that I am determined to move on. He is the type of person who would leave me alone if I made that very clear, so isn’t the NC rule a way to tell someone to stop contacting and just back off?

Vaevae

October 25, 2013 at 2:39 am

So, my ex and I dated for a short while (exchanged “I love you”s) before we broke it off mutually two weeks ago because we were both concerned that it had happened too fast and he didn’t have a clear direction with his job. He wanted to remain friends, which I did for 3 days after the break up before telling him that was not possible. He texted saying he stilled cared and loved me, and that when he figured out more in his life, he would text me, but that he would be looking forward every night to see if I texted him. He kept reiterating that he needed to know I was happy.

I didn’t text him until he had minor surgery last week. I just sent a friendly “hope you’re doing well” text. We texted for a bit, and he asked if we could talk again to each other because he missed me. I told him I was not ready to talk, and that when I was ready to talk, I would let him know explicitly. I made sure to tell him that I was happy. He added that he would keep in contact with me, but I never responded. He also mentioned hanging out together in the near future because he missed my company.

I feel I have the ball in my court since I was the one to tell him that I will contact him when I’m ready. Since he said he would keep in touch, I’m not sure? I plan on not texting for another month. At the end of that month, should I?

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:05 pm

I do think you should!

Nicole

October 24, 2013 at 3:31 am

When you described your situation with your brother thats how most of me and my exs fights started. Your brother was him and I was you. I told him always to talk to me nicer but he always blamed but i was always the calm one and told him if he talked to me nicer none of this would have happened..its not what you say its how you say it..so that is one problem, but im still not sure on what to say to him the first time I text him, idk if i should or just let him come my way cuz he hurt me really badly..I do want to maybe try and see him when i go there next month for orientation but idk if i should..it would be the only good time to talk to him in person and it would be over a month from the NC and idk if hell say yes and i would be in a better state of mind by then, you think he will too after all this time????

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Yea, I remember that fight I had with my brother so I can understand that completely.

The thing is when I deal with my brother I have to be smart about the words I say. I have to be very zen and chill like nothing can upset me.

LadyD

October 24, 2013 at 1:53 am

I have been reading your site and have appreciated it in so many ways. Not only because it is full of useful information, but because you are as brutally honest as you are. Here’s my story: This year I got back together with an ex that I have seen off and on for the past 8 years or so. (We were friends for two years first, but didn’t talk for about three and a half years before we started talking in January). It’s a long, complicated tale, and I can find mistakes that we both made (I didn’t cheat like he did, but I feel I may have betrayed his trust in other ways-ways that are NOT on your unforgivable list, btw). I already had a policy of no contact after a break up, so I did that. 3 days after the 30 days were up, it was his birthday. I sent him a friendly text, but didn’t hear back. I didn’t reach out again. Yesterday, about three weeks after the text, we finally talked. I told him I knew we were both busy with work, but asked if we could find a time to talk soon. He immediately agreed; “OK when?” He said he has some things he wants to discuss with me. He admitted to being angry with me (I talked to the other woman. I found out he asked her to come on a trip with him after he and I had a fight). He wouldn’t say how angry he was or what about. We were pleasant towards each other and our voices stayed calm. We were able to laugh when sharing some gossip from our old work (we worked together years ago). I did mention the date I went on a week ago though. Anyways, he asked me to text him on Thursday. I asked him if he even got my texts (he hid himself from me on Facebook and IM when he found out this woman and I were talking). He promised me he did, and said he would tell me more on Thursday (“baby steps” he said). He sent me a text a couple of hours later saying “See? You can text me.” But then he wrote, “I’m glad you moved on.” I waited awhile, then said ok, then asked “what makes you say that?” He responded, “I like to hear that people are happy.” Not sure what to make of this. I have never asked for advice here, but I’m asking for it now. I know I haven’t gone into details about everything that has happened between us, but I don’t want to use up too much space. Is he merely playing it cool in responding to the date I went on, or is he honestly glad I’ve “moved on?” Also, it’s a pretty big assumption that my going out with someone means I’ve moved on, don’t you think? For the record, I was asked out, and I went. He’s a nice guy. I still have feelings for my ex, but I am aware that it would take a lot of work for us to ever have a happy, healthy relationship. I guess for now, I’m wondering how to approach our next conversation. I know we are still both angry and hurt; but we have had time to cool off and can at least speak to each other proactively instead of re-actively. Where is this going and how should I handle it? Do you think I’ll even hear from him tomorrow? Thanks in advance!

admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Brutally honest that is me!

Well wait till you are able to think with logic and not emotion before you talk to him again. That is the best advice I can give you!
LadyD

October 24, 2013 at 2:04 am

I should clarify; we have known each other for 10 years. We were friends for 3, involved for about 3, and didn’t talk for about 3, and started talking again in January. Also, he didn’t go on the trip with the other woman as far as I know. He did live her for a year when we weren’t talking and was still in contact with her this entire year. He didn’t disclose her to me at all, as a friend or otherwise (I would have been absolutely fine with them staying in touch as long as he was open and honest about it). She lives nowhere near us right now.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Wow on again and off again hahahaha for years!

Well, if she lives that far away she probably has an expiration date on the relationship.

SarahW

October 23, 2013 at 11:49 am

I have been in a relationship with this guy i work with for almost 4 years. He loved me beyond words. He has done everything to please me and make me happy, but because I have some temper issues I always got mad for stupid reasons and break up with him. But just a couple of days later would go back as if nothing happened. I know he had to put up a lot with my attitude.. I was certain that no matter what i do he will remain in love with me thats why i never bothered to change..
A time came when I had to take such a long time off work. We were intouch by phone but hardly met. When I went back to work after the holidays I realized that he has changed. He isn’t the same caring person I have known and then I started noticing him being close to another colleague of ours. They became very close when I was away and when I faced him he totally denied saying that she is just a colleague. Days later I found out that they were infact in a relationship for a couple of months. I got devastated and I faced him with evidence and even went to her and gave her a piece of my mind (temper issues again).. But he said that he just speaks to her as a friend and he never loved anyone but me. I told him since he speaks to her for hours all night then there is certainly more than friendship there. I asked him what lead him to her, he yelled at me saying that i drove him away by my attitude. But then he appologized and said that he loves me and not her and doesnt want to loose me. I tried to convince myself that what he said was true. But each single day I used to cry my eyes out while talking to him and telling him that he has changed and I don’t feel he loves me the same way anymore. He explained that he is going through some tough time in his life which has nothing to do with me but only days will prove to me that he still loves me and will always do. I remained in this shaky relationship for over a month until I couldn’t take it any longer and I told him that I don’t believe him and am sure he is still intouch with that girl. That’s when he said that he is tired of all this and its about time we end this. I begged not to but he wouldn’t listen he said he just wants us to be friends.
This breakup happened 5 months ago.. Since then we have been in contact, which was mostly initiated by me. We met a couple of times for lunch. Forgot to mention that one day i noticed that he is getting even closer to that girl and when i kind of hinted that to him he yelled at me saying that its none of my business. That was 3 months ago and since then we have been in limited contact. Whenever i decided to go fully NC i find myself contacting him with a long email pouring my heart out and telling him how much i want him back. the longest NC period i have gone was 3 weeks, then i ruined it. But this time i am hoping to continue. Its been 22 days he texted once last week asking how i was but i havent replied and he hasnt sent anything again.

I love him so much. I agree i was so harsh with him through out the relationship and lost my temper most of the time, but i loved him more than anything, but whatever it is does not justify his cheating on me!

Sometimes i despise him for that. Sometimes i excuse him. But all the time i remember how much he loved me and what he has done for me and my whole family during our relationship. He has done things no one would believe just coz he loved me.

I want him back badly but deep inside i feel i have ruined it enough. And feel that this NC wont work with me since i have ruined it alot before, plus its been over 5 months since we broke up and also he is still with that other girl!

Do u think there is hope at alll?!!

admin

October 23, 2013 at 10:16 pm

Of course there is hope.

But I do think NC is best in your case. Just try it out and really work to become the ungettable girl during it.
SarahW

October 23, 2013 at 11:47 pm

Thank you for your response. But i have ruined the NC alot before. How long do i go about it? And do i just wait for him to text me again or i inititate it after a while?
In my heart i dont want to initiate it at all this time coz it has always been me.. So he probably expects me to do it again this time.. And by the way i forgot to mention this very important piece of information.. He has been transfered to a different country recently and will be there for a couple of years so that would be a long distance relationship which am trying to revive. And plussss there is this other girl in the whom i believe is still in a relationship with him even after he left… How can i get him back from the other girl in this long distance relationship?

I know its a complicated situation but i have faith in you that u can find me a solution to my problem.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm

30 days is an ideal time frame you are shooting for.

Carly

October 23, 2013 at 3:40 am

First off, I want to say good job with the website! I’ve found it extremely helpful, especially when I was feeling my worst, so thanks for that. My ex broke up with me nearly 4 months ago and I immediately went NC for nearly 2 months. Since then we have had limited contact, and for the majority I have received positive responses from him. By positive I mean long texts, joking around, and smiley faces. The exception is when I try and arrange a time for me to pick up/meet up somewhere to get the rest of my things. He won’t respond to the message for sometimes over a week and always says he’s too busy and can’t deal with it at the moment. I never know when he’s home as he has irregular work hours so I just can’t go over and pick it up. I’m also a full time student and work so I don’t have a lot of free time. What I find odd is that if I text him about anything that doesn’t involve me getting my things he responds within the hour and has even suggested that he come over to hang out some time. I’m at a loss. Any advice would be very much appreciated!

admin

October 23, 2013 at 9:57 pm

Glad you found it helpful that is why I do this!

Sounds like he still has something for you but you aren’t doing a good enough job of reigniting his feelings.

Becky

October 22, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Hi Chris!
I like to say I really like your website as it is very much in details!

I’ve recognised the mistakes I’ve made after my ex boyfriend and I broke up. I was texting him over and over again which pushed him to the edge and made him angrier. In other words, our break up was not very nice, it ended on a harsh tone. I have to admit I was defensive when he was pointing out how I should move on, new doors will open for me and etcetera so on so forth. From then, I’ve not contacted him for 3 months.

After the 3 months, I sent him the first text, mentioning our love for The Hunger Games Trilogy! He responded positively with a 🙂 face. I then sent him another text, mentioning about a new Western diner because of our love for burgers and western food; he responded negatively and told me to leave him alone and not text him anymore. I replied calmly with a ‘hey, no worries, I totally understand. have a lovely week ahead. hope you’re doing well!’

A month later, I texted him with another text, informing him about the movie premiere of Catching Fire with an image attachment of a double feature movie premiere (Hunger Games followed by Catching Fire straight in one night) on that particular date. (P.S. we both love the hunger games like crazy) He did not reply. Either that or the message was not sent properly. I then heard from my friend from the karate my ex boyfriend and I went to tgt that my ex bf asked if anyone had seen me, the day after i sent the text. I then sent him another text in 7 days saying ‘Remember that amazing time we were in Hong Kong together? I was just thinking of the smile on your face when we were at the harbor and how much we laughed. It was freezing like winter but you hugged and kept me warm like a guardian angel.:) ‘ He responded very negatively, very angrily, telling me to get lost. I then responded calmly with a ‘hey, no worries, sorry to have brought it up. have a good night.’ He then assumed I’ve not moved on and told me to get a life and move on. I felt that if I replied to him it would have made him even angrier; thus i left him with no reply. I did not let his angry mood affect me; instead I went on happily with life like nothing happened. 🙂

The day after the next, he texted me 3 times:
“”Hey reb, sorry for losing my temper, it’s not that I don’t care. I really had an enjoyable time with you. And respect you greatly 🙂 I just really want you to understand that it is important to move on…. And you must dear. Really you must. New doors will open. And they will. Hope all is well with you, and please let me know if you get this… Much love, Kyle.”

“And if you want to meet up for a coffee sometime, I have no probs doing so.”

” 🙂 ”

I decided not to reply him the next day. He sent me this:
“Fair enough. If you’re angry I get it. I don’t expect forgiveness or anything else… 🙂 All I’m gonna say: I’m sorry, I did tell you twice to stop (but I also had my reasons) anyway, I never wished or meant harm, i was following my gut on that matter. All the best for the future. Peace be with you, and I hope you find what you’re looking for. :)”

I’ve not responded to that text ever since and it’s almost a week now. I’ve no idea what to do now.

I’ve held no grudge against him. To be honest, I am a person who forgives and forgets too easily.

Should I respond to his text? Should I not respond to his texts? Will this allow him to be more curious about me? How will me ignoring him make him feel?

What if we see each other in karate the next time? Do I acknowledge and smile at him, now knowing that he does not have any anger or hatred against me (according to what I sensed in his text messages)?

What do I do? I am so lost right now.

Where do i go from here?

Help! D:

admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:09 pm

Haha that is a lot of questions.

Don’t respond to the text. It will make him feel bad and possibly miss you and that is kind of what you want.

Be classy in Karate. Smile, talk to him a little bit but not oto much. Just be all class and no sass!
Rebecca

October 24, 2013 at 6:56 am

Hey Chris,

Yes! And I have a whole lot more questions! 🙂 it’s just really exciting to discuss bout this subject.

I heard you were sick recently. Do hope you’re getting well soon!

And thank you for constantly posting on your blog and keeping us updated on your recent advice.

I am wondering…Besides being friendly and polite, what are the little baby steps to improve our situation (so as not to give away any wrong intentions)? Do I make the first move in talking to him or do I wait for him to make the first move? How does regularly should I text or keep in contact with my ex?

I know that one has to be patient and it’ll be a long process and i’m willing to be patient.
admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Yea I have been sick unfortunately. One horrible week to be honest.

I wrote the most recent post while I was sick and it just made me sicker :/. I am better now though but still kinda iffy.

I say there is no problem with you making the first move BUT take things extremely slow. Like turtle slow.

Reshy

October 20, 2013 at 12:36 am

Hey Chris,
So me and my ex broke up four months ago. He wasn’t happy and he thought I argued with him too much and complained a lot. I will admit I did have mistakes. So, we broke up and as usual any desperate ex would do, I tried to talk to him and make things work, but he didn’t want to. So we didn’t talk and I tried the NC rule but some how we would end up talking. Anyways, one month ago i accepted the break up and healed myself slowly. I went to the NC rule and I guess it worked because he texted me on his own after four months. He asked how I was doing and all that. And then he told me what was his reason to text me. Actually, the day before he texted me, he saw my family at his house. He told me when he saw my parents, all the respect he had for them came back automatically. When he had eye contact with my dad, he didnt feel like me and him had four months gap. So he just wanted to text me. But I also heard from my mom that he looks miserable and how he has no sort of relationship with his family. He basically isolated himself. So when I heard that, I tried to explain to him how he needs to start talking to his family again because they miss him. He said he would listen to me. After that, he texted on his own again and started showing interest in talking to me. He was also ready to see me but I couldn’t make it because of the timings. After that I think i made a mistake by “constantly” texting him because he said how he thought it was annoying because he doesn’t have the time to reply back like that. Then I stopped texting him completely. He then a day later after our holiday, he wished me but I didnt reply to that. My cousin secretly talked to him behind my back to find out what is actually going on with him and if he still wants to get back. I promise Ill make it short lol. He said how he doesnt think it would be a good idea to get back because he doesnt want to go through the same arguments we went through before and that i should be with someone who i wont argue with. And then my cousin explained to him that we dont need to get back right away bt get the time to talk to eachother again and try to understand each-other and he said he understood her point. But then hes like if we are meant to be then we will end up with each-other or else theres no point to go against each others wishes. Then he told her the truth. He said how he honestly doesn’t want to get back with me and that he just wants to see me happy. And that hurt a lot. He keeps saying how there will be someone later in my future and that just annoys me. And he doesnt want his stuff back and he has nothing to say to me. Now i just want to move the hell on. But i do not want him to come back afterwards and try to ask how I’m doing. Chris why is this even happening. What is going on in his stupid head. ( sorry I’m just really mad and upset)

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:45 pm

So, this is a complicated situation.

I am thinking that you must have done some things to turn him off of you. For you, it should be all about displaying behavior that he is attracted to and sometimes that means taking a break from the situation.
Reshy

October 21, 2013 at 12:21 am

Wow now that you mention it, your right. So should I just go for the NC rule again. Oh and another question. Since your a guy, you would able to answer it. When a guy says he doesn’t want to get back or be in a relationship with you does he really mean it or he just says it out of anger to be alone for a while?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:08 am

It really depends on the circumstances. Some guys will mean it and some guys won’t. If a gf was certifiably crazy and did things unrecoverable then he may be more likely to mean it.
Reshy

October 22, 2013 at 4:03 am

So why would he say something like idw to get back with her, I just want to see her happy. One guy told me from a guys perspective that he rather be miserable than see me being miserable. Maybe because he thinks he cant make me happy or something.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 6:52 pm

That may be it. However, I think that its more complicated than that. I don’t know, I think it has more to do with his personal shortcomings.

M

October 18, 2013 at 9:27 pm

My bf and I used to be close friends before we got into a relationship. When things started going downhill he said I should just let him go because he ‘didn’t deserve me’, and this happened twice, the second time being the day he broke up with me. What could he have meant by this? It’s now been two months since the break-up and we still see each other every now and then. We’re friendly towards each other, and I’ve really been wanting to at least be friends with him again. Last night I sent a text to him about it, but he saw it and didn’t respond. I didn’t mention the subject of getting back together or anything . Did I make a mistake with sending it to him? What would the next step be?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Not a huge mistake just a normal one. Go into NC for a while.

Sahana

October 17, 2013 at 2:24 am

Hi Chris 🙂

I think my comment didnt get submitted :/
Anyway, I wanted to say thank you for all your articles! They helped me come a long way since the break up, I went from an insecure, emotional wreck to a confident, independent woman 🙂

I was with my ex boyfriend for 1 and a half years and we were very serious and in love. He broke up with me around 4 months ago because he said I didnt trust him and he couldnt be with someone he who didnt trust him.

I did NC for a month and started texting him after, he responded really positively. He even asked me out to catch up with him two weeks ago. The catch up went fantastic and I stayed bubbly and cool the entire time, I made sure to not mention our break up and kept the conversation light and fun. He even asked me to meet him again and to let him know when I am free a few days after.

However, in the past two days. His mood has completely flipped with me. When we were flirting about when to meet up on facebook chat, he suddenly blew me off and dropped the subject with “hahahah” and he stopped talking to me. In the past two days, his texts towards me were short and blunt. I am honestly not sure what I have done in the past few days for him to suddenly behave this way towards me. He is a very jealous guy and usually takes that anger out on me, but I havent even mentioned any of the guys that have asked me out or anything.

What should I do? Should I try and organise a catch up or do I ask him what’s up?

admin

October 17, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Sorry if there were any issues commenting.

I do think you should organize that catch up!
Sahana

October 17, 2013 at 10:39 pm

I called him last night but he didn’t pick up so I texted him about picking up some of my things he has the next day. I thought if he responded positively I would bring up the idea of catching up

I texted him about 11:30 last night which I know is last but he sleeps really late. And now it is 10am and he hasnt responded.

What should be my next step?

Thanks 🙂
admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:21 pm

Wait and see if he responds. If not, wait a few days and try again.
Sahana

October 29, 2013 at 6:47 am

Hmm this is a bit weird haha.

What would be my next step with him Chris? Should I ask him what’s up or should I just go with no contact?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:45 am

I vote NC.
Sahana

October 28, 2013 at 10:41 pm

Hi again Chris 🙂

So my ex and I were supposed to catch up last Wednesday for just a bit while I drop his things off. On tuesday night, he was facebook messaging me and he told me he would text me when he finishes uni on Wednesday so I know when to drop by.

He never texted me on Wednesday, not even to say he couldn’t make it or he was busy. Normally I would have blown up at him but I decided to just leave it. He knows the combo for my gym locker so I left his things in there for him to pick up but I never messaged him about it.

He texted me on Sunday saying that he left some of my stuff in the gym locker and wwhether I picked them up. I picked them up on Monday and messaged him back thanks. He replied immediately and said no worries.

I dont understand why he suddenly changed his behavior towards me over the month. I didn’t pester him or be a text gnat. Is this guy a lost cause?
admin

October 29, 2013 at 3:07 am

I think there is something you are missing here. Something is definitely not being said by him.

liza

October 16, 2013 at 4:41 pm

Hello,
i found this web site is very helpful, but i need an advice please .
there was a guy that i met in June we had a really strong chemistry between us , he is younger than me in 6 years so when i told him about my feeling , he really freak out , so i just moved on , but later he text me to check if i am ok or not and when ever we text we just forget about every thing and have pleasant and fun time and when it is over felt acourd and he disappear for weeks ,so i done the no contact rule and really at the 30th day he text me saying hi , what should i do ? now should i leave him or stay ,one more thing he is not a player trust me for that .

thanks

admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:16 am

First things first. Do you have your first text planned out?

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