How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Akasha

August 22, 2018 at 11:49 am

Hello, Chris. I’m sorry that I wrote random writing as my mind not tidies up and, English is not my first language.

I have a bit tricky situation. We were long distance relationship over sea (different nationalities.).
We were together for 15 months (5 months were long distance.)
We had different interests and my English is not perfect, but we shared many things and rarely fights(when We had problem, We discussed about it soon).

But a month ago, He broke up with me. because He’d been worried about that How we can survive long term with no same common. He seemed to want to discuss about Politics and Economics, Business with me. but I’m not into that part. I told him I would catch up with him, but he said that it’s not my natural interests and doesn’t work if I force to do it. I told him that If he wants to find someone, I would let him go.
He said that “He wanted his partner share his dream and ambitious(He just set up his own business .) If We could stay same place, maybe there would be different, but We are far apart. So, He wasn’t sure that it was good idea that trying to do long distance relationship, because might wasting time for each other.He wanted to avoid
breaking up with me , but couldn’t find any other solutions. He thought that our relationship would be success”
We talked via skype, He was crying(It was first time for me to see his crying.)
anyway, We broke up.
and I think that he felt pressure that I’m enough age to get married, but He was not same page on me.
(He told me that it was first time for him that he stayed together with a girl over a year. he’d never taken relationship seriously before.)

I never contact to him after that. but two weeks later after we broke up, He texted me that ” He apologized me if it was bad he text me, but he just wanted to check on me how’s going.”

I replayed to him ” I’m OK” like sounds I really OK.

since then He sometimes text to ask me about my work, my instagram pages(He checks my instagram constantly), mentioned about he appreciate to me that I communicate with him with non native languages…etc.
(and when I deleted some shared photos with him , He seemed to be shock and asked me I deleted those photos or not.)
I replay to him after few hours or past half day, then He texts me back quickly.
when I reply, I try to be charm, just replay short message to him about answer what him asked me.
I never ask any questions to him( like HOW are you? or something…).
I have mixed feeling, when He texted to me, I’m glad, but same time, I’m frustrated by myself and want to say to him” it’s not your business anymore.”. but I can’t…

and what annoying things is He always texts me I just start to feel ” OK, I can over him! forget him!” mind.

but I have no idea why he still texts me randomly, just he miss me? wants to be friends(I can’t be friends with him right now and if that’s his perpouse , I want to ignore his message.)? just he’s ego kindness?
To be honest, I still expect to get back together, but I also understand how difficult and rare chance about it as this is not normal long distance relationship…

I appreciate that if you give me any advices.
I feel mess up….

Chris Seiter

August 23, 2018 at 11:14 pm

Hi Akasha!

So there are a lot of things going on, but that is no surprising as relationships and breakups are complicated. Do you have an ex recovery plan? If not, go to my site’s home page and tap into some of the resources I have there that can help you.

Lindsey

August 9, 2018 at 1:21 am

I had begun to use the texting/messaging suggestions after the no contact period. My ex always responded in a friendly, upbeat way but didn’t seem to encourage the texts enough to continue naturally into a conversation. I spaced them out so that I wasn’t trying to engage him for no reason or coming across as trying to get back together–initiating about twice a week. The last short text conversation, I used the “miss you” type, but talking about rafting/fishing trip with friends and how he would’ve loved the it. My last comment very subtly referenced an inside flirt/not quite sexual joke. He responded to the parts about fishing but seemed to obviously ignore the inside flirt/joke. And during while I was spacing out these short text convos, he never initiated any texts and didn’t seem to encourage anything more than short convos.

It feels like maybe he’s just trying to be kind and to be friends or that maybe he’s responding out of guilt because he knows I was blindsided by his decision to end the relationship. Because of this impression, I’ve backed off and haven’t contacted him in any way for two weeks. I’m not sure if there are any next steps. As he is long distance, it’s hard to show progress/happiness during no contact–he uses social media only rarely.

I’ve never had a relationship that I’ve felt this passionately about fighting for. I can usually accept when things and people aren’t meant to be. In this case, it felt like a true partnership, that made both of us better for it. And it seems like things ended before they had been given a chance to run their course–due to the stresses of long distance.

Any help, advice, or insight would be so appreciated. Even if it’s just to confirm that this situation is beyond repair and to ditch my last little bit of hope.
Roxy

August 2, 2018 at 11:19 am

Hi Chris,
2 year LDR – my ex got upset for a week and ignored me because I sent him a mean text for feeling ignored.. I know… I shouldn’t have sent it. When I finally talked to him I asked him “if that was it?” and he said “yes, I guess that’s it” with little explanation other than he said I pretended to be something that I wasn’t which is how we got “so close” to each other. And he basically. During the relationship, I never expected him to check in with me and gave him space because I trusted him however, there was a handful of times where we would fight because I would become clingy because of the distance which he hated because he felt like I was trying to change him or control him (one of the reasons he said his marriage didn’t work out). Other than we we’re totally in love. Like really, crazy in love. Like him initiating talks about marriage and babies with me in love. Since then, I’ve tried texting him a few times over the past few weeks and he has not responded AT ALL. He is the type to need space when he’s mad and is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. He can also hold a grudge!!! When we were together, he would say that I will always be in his life no matter what, even if we aren’t together, but I would tell him that I could never be friends with him because it would hurt too much. He would get upset when I would say that I didn’t want to be friends with him. Anyway, the other issue is he is about to be deployed at some point within the next month (not sure of exact dates). We made plans to see each other twice before he left this month before we broke up. I know that it’s probably not best to try and rekindle a relationship prior to a deployment considering the stress and pressure of his upcoming deployment and I definitely don’t want him to feel pressured, however, I really want him to talk to me so that he leaves on good terms. He will have plenty of time to miss me while he’s gone .. ha ha.. Would you recommend the 30 day NC in my situation even if I don’t know when he’s actually leaving? Neither of us have social media or any other means of communication other than just speaking to each other. Are we doomed?

Chris Seiter

August 3, 2018 at 12:33 am

Hi Roxy!

There is history here….two years in a LDR is meaningful. And I think that giving each other space would be a good idea. So NC seems to be a sensible approach though I realize you have limited ways to showcase your value. But time can be a healer and cause people to come to appreciate another’s value more. 30 days is reasonable. While you are going thru this period and into the future, you would likely benefit by being part of my Private Facebook Group. Just go to my home page on this site to learn more about that and other resources that can help you!

Bernice

May 14, 2018 at 5:54 am

Hi Chris! Thank you for this post! My ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago and I’d like your opinion if that’s ok. He moved to NYC from LA about 8 months ago and we’ve been in a LDR since then. We were also in a bit of a unique situation since I work remote, so I was able to visit him for a month at a time every other month or so. But recently there was a girl that he’s been hanging out with and when I told him about my concerns, he said she’s one of the guys but my gut told me otherwise. So naturally, my jealously got the best of me, I think and I suggested that we go on a break for a week. At first, he asked if that’s what I really wanted and said he was sorry for being inattentive and selfish but I said, although it’s not something I want to do, I felt like he needed time to figure out what he wants because I honestly wasn’t feeling much effort from his end to keep our relationship going (he does call me everyday tho, which I honestly appreciate but never told him).

Fast forward a week, and he breaks up with me, saying that the fact that I still don’t know what I want to do with my career has been gnawing at him. He also wants me to be more independent and move out (he’s asked me to move to NYC before but not for him and for my own career but it’s not something I can do at the moment).

He says he will always care about me and said that this is something that needs to happen now before we hate each other. He is visiting LA in July for his friend’s bachelor party and said he would contact me before then and we should meet up in July. I’m actually heading to NY in July as well for a company meeting, so I was thinking of contacting him in June to see if I can stop by to pick up some of my stuff from him as an excuse to see him. Would that be a good idea?

I’d like to implement some of the tips you’ve given here but I’m not too sure where to start. Neither of us have contacted each other since our breakup phone call at the end of April.

Also, we dated for about 3 years and went to MBA school together, which is where my met. I was super supportive with his move as well, and we’ve always gotten along great together. But he said he doesn’t know what else to tell me about my “faults” since I never changed from the few times he’s brought it up. I honestly think it also has something to do with the fact that he’s in a new city by himself and that he wants to date girls there, at this point in his life.

I really want him back but he’s said that long distance has been really difficult lately and that I’m “out of sight, out of mind”. I’m still not over how quickly he changed his mind but is there any hope left at this point?

Chris Seiter

May 14, 2018 at 3:09 pm

Hi Bernice! Yes…LDR can make things more challenging…the distance and communication snafus. He seems often critical of you and not always supportive and somewhat insensitive to your needs. I do think some space would be good for both of you. Employing the No Contact Principle can help in various ways….your recovery from what has transpired and demonstrate to him you don’t need him, increasing your value. It gives him a chance to reflect as well on what he really wants. July is far enough away, where you will have given NC time to take hold.My best advice is you need to gain more insight and smarts on how this whole ex recovery thing works. That is why I created an ebook called, Ex Recovery Pro. Go take a look. You can get there by way of my website’s Menu, click on the link for “Products.” Chances are, you just need a few good ideas to tap into!

Nicole Wells

May 8, 2018 at 5:35 pm

Hi Chris! This is very helpful. I met my boyfriend on a work trip in another country with a lot of water between us. We hit it off, talked and Skyped everyday for 3 and a half months and then saw each other again for a little over a week. Right before I left he had a death in the family. Our regular communication just stopped happening. He apologized but it really put me off. I wanted to be there for him, but it was hard when he brushed me off so much. Plus he began saying he had to ‘wait and see’ the amount of vacation time he would now have and give towards my return trip
(he thought some vacation time would be needed to deal with the family death.). We had already finalized this and i was ok with this, until i noticed he wasn’t taking any time off and the amount of time would really not change. It left me confused, especially since we had pretty much solidified when We’d meet again. After we met the second time and I returned home, It was a slow movement to him putting in minimal effort in communicating (same amount of communication when I first got home to almost me always being the one to initiate contact about 2 weeks later). I finally said I would not be contacting him first from now on but that he could contact me whenever he wanted. I felt bad leaving him cold turkey while he was still dealing with the loss. It has been 3 days since I have heard from him and am now realizing NC needs to be in full force and needs to continue for the next 27 days (the death was a close aunt who had cancer and passed away over a month ago. I get the mourning and amount of time your fam had you place in preparation of memorials and tributes for her, but he didn’t have time to even send a 2 word text, “good morning” anymore???)

I’ll will try to do what you wrote above and hope it will work. He is a wonderful
human being. I’m still not sure if what I did was the right thing to do, but I knew we couldn’t continue going on the way we were (fighting started to occur regularly and it was hurtful to know we couldn’t communicate without an argument). So I hope this helps! Thank you Chris!

Chris Seiter

May 9, 2018 at 3:35 am

Hi there Nicole. It is wise of you to shift the relationship situation from one of bickering to one where you both have some space to heal and consider what you want from each other because relationships are not sustainable if there is constant conflict. Take a look at some of the resources I offer (“Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” and “The No Contact Rule Book”)as each are of epic length and can help you optimize your chances of ex recovery and your own recovery. And let me know how things go Nicole!

Ceri

May 6, 2018 at 6:28 pm

Hey, I love this page, I read it a few days ago after breaking up with my long distance boyfriend about 3 weeks ago and have been religiously listening to your podcasts.
My ex and I were together for about 8 months, and most of the time we were actually together we were long distance, we met at work where we lived together for 3 months before getting together. We managed the distance well but recently with both of our work we found it hard to communicate and see eachother more and it became a bit of a stress for us both. He ultimately decided to break up and I had to agree because any suggestions I made to move closer to him he didn’t seen to want to. He had previously told friends and family that I was a keeper and the one, but at the break up said his feelings had faded. We spoke a little after the break up but he’s started a new job and I haven’t heard off him since wishing him luck and have started the NCR but finding it so hard after 7 days. I’m scared he won’t be interested enough for the NCR to affect him? Your website has inspired me to keep trying despite everyone thinking I’m stupid, but I am finding it so hard, do you have any advice?

Thanks!

Chris Seiter

May 6, 2018 at 8:34 pm

Hi Ceri…thanks for dropping in! I appreciate your compliment and am glad it is offering you some help. LDR can be hard. I know, I had one, but it worked out quite well for me as I have an awesome wife! You do have my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, right? If not, take a look at that as well as some of my other ebooks and services that are geared to help people optimize their chances. Feel free to drop by here anytime! Sometimes guys are really not that in touch with their feelings, so stay the course with NC and remember to focus on your own recovery.
Ceri

May 6, 2018 at 10:05 pm

Hi Chris, thank you for the reply!! I’m gettingnit very soon and cannot wait to read more!
Just another thing, my ex said when he broke up that he’s been through this so many times before, will this make NC harder to have an effect on him?
Thank you so much for your help, I’m deinitely trying to focus on my recovery for the moment too as much as possible!
Chris Seiter

May 7, 2018 at 12:53 am

Our emotional psychological reaction to breakups is usually fairly consistent, no matter how often we have dealt with it.
Ceri

May 6, 2018 at 9:06 pm

Hi Chris, thank you, I’m looking at getting it hopefully soon!! Thank you, it was awesome until recently when we were both under separate pressures so I’m hoping now we’re both moving jobs it may clear a little. He did however say before he’s been through this a lot, and it’s alot more than me, would this actually affect his feelings?
Again thank you and yes I’m trying to make sure my recovery is priority!! 🙂
Chris Seiter

May 7, 2018 at 12:57 am

I am glad, Ceri. Your recovery is the priority. It all connects.

Tammy

April 20, 2018 at 6:20 pm

We broke up after 8 months due to my jealously issues, then got back together 12 days later. After two weeks, he said it wasn’t working and broke up with me again. I implemented no contact for 5 days, then messages hadn’t him again and accepted his offer to be friends, I couldn’t hold back anymore. Last night I asked if we had any chance of getting back together. He said he was “really sorry, but he’s kind of over it all now, and we get annoyed at eachother too easily but there’s nothing bad between us so friends is fine.” I know I shouldn’t of messaged him so soon, but now I don’t know what to do. I’d do anything to have him back.

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2018 at 9:02 pm

Tammy…there are many folks like you who are searching for ways to optimize their chances. My advice is to have a plan and execute it. I created an ebook….its a sort of Companion Guide..its rather massive, full of details on what, when, how to do the things to better your chances. It also helps you with your own personal recovery as breakups are hard on people. Just go to my website Menu/click Products link to learn more. And keep me in the loop!

Jay

April 17, 2018 at 12:58 am

I had a 2 years relationship with my ex… everything was incredible fine was planing meeting up this year but our last month half was great and half was bad she had so many problems and I’m a person who like to help and why not help my gf ? So I told her I want help you tell me what’s wrong with you and stuffs like that but she refuse my help she said I don’t care how many people I know talking about my problems won’t help and I don’t need help stuffs like that so that was our only differences.. is been 3 weeks we split she’s been acting cold but we stay as friends she said if we mean to be later we can works things out but as she’s been really cold I lose hope… I mean I beg her 2 times I make her push away more… I guess that’s what happened… and I brokeup with her because I was really sick she never asked me why.. days later I explain to her… anyways now, since we far I thought on giving up. Since in our relationship we always thank god for putting us in our way… we say things like “we so blessed to have each other, people cant understand how 2 people can fall in love each other without meeting” so we always use god! Not really religious but I believe and have him in my heart… so I prayed god give me kind of sign if we belong together and I got it… but now I don’t know how to use it I don’t want be like oh hey god sent me this and let’s go back together. No right ? Sounds really needy so what should I do I already make 2 mistakes if I make a mistake this time I lose her for ever… I need help..

Chris Seiter

April 17, 2018 at 11:35 pm

HI Jay…just for your info. I also have anohter site called exgirlfriendrecovery.com that might be of interest to you. 2 years gives you some traction and that is good. Explore No Contact as a potential solution
Jay

April 18, 2018 at 9:31 pm

How do I know if she’s following the same path I’m doing because I see she’s doing exactly what it says here… for example she don’t stay home she go out with friends… post picture of her foods… don’t text me she don’t stalk me… but if I text her she text me back all casual? What does that mean she’s moving on or following the same paths ?
Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 9:45 pm

Hello Jay! Thanks for stopping by again. I doubt if she has moved on. Its like a period of transition as she tries to get emotionally centered and figure out what it all means and what is best for her future and what she really wants. That is not always easy to figure out. So it is a somewhat natural path some people take when confronted with a breakup situation.
Jay

April 18, 2018 at 9:55 pm

Alright thank for the advice and help it really makes me feel better is been a week we haven’t talk and I’m not attempting do so I mean yes I miss her but I’m focus on my self right now … I always wanted to write songs or all in general I like to write stuffs
Hopefully one day I can write a book about this story we creating… like is really crazy what we had is unique not a lot people had this kind crazy love story… I wish I could show you the prove I’m saying but anyways thanks a lot… one more thing my 30 days no contact will end a day before her birthday!! What should I do text her the day before or text her the day on her birday I guess she’s gonna be visit that day or I don’t know… what do you think ?
Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 11:29 pm

Hey there Jay. Thanks for swing by again. I have tons of texting ideas in my ebook, The Texting Bible, so check that out. By the way, why not start writing down some things in a journal or capture some lyrics. It can very helpful and enlightening.
Jay

April 19, 2018 at 1:04 am

Thanks a lot for the help… and since I got the sign god sent me… gotta give her time… and see we can work things out if not still going to write the book.. best of luck guys!!
Chris Seiter

April 19, 2018 at 5:12 am

right back at you Jay…good luck!

Tilly

April 9, 2018 at 12:30 pm

Hi , I have been ghosted by LDR boyfriend 6 weeks before our 2 year anniversary . We were very close & no arguments then he just stop messaging . I messaged for a while as I didn’t know I had been ghosted then when I realised I stopped messaging. After 3 weeks we were online at the same time so I messaged hi how was he & he replied so sorry he was very stressed. I tell him I hope the stress eases and speak soon then nothing until today when I see he is online I ask if he is ok ,he said yes he is ok ? I assume we are finished and realise I maybe should have implemented NC 6 weeks ago . I don’t want to start NC with false hope if he has really walked away . I don’t understand what has happened we were talking about the future and we were next to meet up again so I don’t know where this went wrong ? I am in contact with his best friend also ,we sometimes talk about my now I suppose ex but only in a positive way ! What should I do , I am very confused ? Thanks in advance

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 1:04 am

HI Tilly. I know it hurts to be shut out. Consider picking up a copy of my ebook (click on website menu tab/products) It can offer a greater level of information than I can here. Don’t assume its all finished. He is being cruel right now. Focus you energy on yourself and your needs and being the best YOU.
Tilly

April 11, 2018 at 8:33 pm

Thankyou Chris, should I start NC now whilst I’m reading the ebook ? I don’t understand why he is being cruel when we didn’t have an argument ? He liked a photo of my new cat on Facebook yesterday but he hasn’t messaged since . Im so confused . Many thanks in advance
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 10:47 pm

Hi Tilly. You seem like a really decent person and I am so sorry he is acting cruel. It insensitive how he is behaving. It could be he is of two minds and can’t quite figure out what he wants. Not unusual during breakups. Progress through the book and chances are you are a good candidate for initiating No Contact, particularly if civil communications have broken down.
Tilly

April 24, 2018 at 12:29 pm

Hi Chris ,sorry to bother you again. I have been reading the ebook & following NC but I just wanted ask a question , I have had a message from my Exes best friend asking if I enjoyed my holiday , I said yes then he ask me if I had met a new boyfriend ? I don’t want to read to much into this but have no idea how to respond. I have not heard from my ex for 2 weeks now but as I said above we did not end on bad terms he just ghosted me . Do I answer my exes best friend message ? I also feel that maybe my ex has met someone else so won’t even notice that I am doing NC ? I am keeping myself busy, going to the gym etc but this has thrown me a little ? Any advice would be greatly appreciated ? Many thanks in advance Tilly
Chris Seiter

April 24, 2018 at 2:48 pm

Hi Tilly…ghosting someone is rather cruel way to break up with someone. His friend may be reaching out to you on behalf of your ex to check up on you. Or he may just possibly be curious about how you are making out. I think you focus less on what it all means and more on your personal healing and doing the things to become the best version of yourself. You have so many paths ahead of you and in time, most of the pain of the break up will subside and you will realize you don’t need him to be happy and pursue other things if that is where all this goes.
Tilly

April 24, 2018 at 3:06 pm

Hi , thanks Chris for your quick response ,I suppose I am finding this difficult as only a week before I was ghosted my ex was talking about us getting married and having children . I guess your saying that NC is probably not going to work as my ex has lost interest ? Many thanks again Tilly
Chris Seiter

April 24, 2018 at 3:45 pm

Hello again Tilly….No, I think NC can work in many ways. It can work for you and also create space to allow him to realize what he is potentially losing. I know it hurts and it should because you have emotionally invested yourself. To help you cope and constructively work through this period, take a look at joining my Private Facebook Support Group. I have about 1500 women in the group and they are wonderful. All of them have been through break up situations and offer advice and help to each other. You can learn so much by listening to what other say and you can share. I do weekly Facebook lives there so you get some of me. Just go to my website Menu/Products link and you can read about and decide if this is something for you.
Tilly

April 25, 2018 at 7:04 am

Hi Chris , thank you so much ,I will look at the face group page . My last question is my ex is Muslim and Ramadan starts in 3 weeks time ,my 30 days NC finishes 2 days after Ramadan starts should I break NC before Ramadan or add an extra 30 days and wait until Ramadan finishes ? Will he forget me if I do 60 days NC ? (Normally we would talk when he is in Ramadan which he is not supposed to do but he said I was to be his wife so it was ok ,no I am an ex I don’t think he would speak to me during Ramadan ) many thanks in advance Tilly
Chris Seiter

April 26, 2018 at 12:13 am

Hi Tilly! I just think 60 days is too long

sasha

April 9, 2018 at 4:55 am

Hey Chris,
My situation is truly unique and so this is gonna be lengthy…sorry bout that..i was in a long distance relationship with this incredible guy for four months.Things were amazing and we were deeply in love.He is my relative and lives in a different state.we meet up rarely and that was during some occasions.so I know this guy since my childhood.but there is one thing that I’d like to tell,both of our families are closely related but are not on good terms.so we were in a relationship and were quite happy until one day,my friend got to know this and informed my dad.he took me to my guy’s place and fought with my guy’s mom…it was a pretty bad one and the families split up..so my guy decided to break up but I tried convincing him,begged him but it didn’t work.eventually I stopped contacting him..after two years we met up in the hospital along with our families coz one of our relatives met with an accident..he was trying to stare at me and when I looked he’d look into his phone…so I find Time to speak to him alone in the hospital and apologized and took his number…he too apologized..after that we got in touch and things were really great.we both never dated anyone else after the breakup..and while talking to him I realized we still have strong feelings for each other..i was his first love and he was my first love..so our conversation started becoming intense and I told him that I wanna try things out.,n after three months I did it again and told him that I wanted an answer to which he proposed me and we promised each other that we’ll stand up for each other and will face our families…he cried and told me that he was sorry that he was pushing me away and he’d never do it again..after two days when I call him,he was dull and I asked him what happened n he said he was stressed..but I just felt he was acting different and told him that I didn’t feel like he loves me like before and he broke up..he even said he’ll regret it..i was stupid and shouldn’t have done that..then we spoke for two months and we both decided to work things out..but he never took action and I had enough and told him I was over and I’d be friends…at some point he was very dull and was quite angry with me n was rude..so I thought I’d ask him out again and he told me that he didn’t feel the same for me anymore and he said that there was no love and we had to start from the scratch and for which he didn’t have time…he’s become very busy with his projects…so I apologize and he said that I did nothing wrong and even he did nothing wrong but it was the situation and he also said that he doesn’t even have the guts to apologize to me as he has hurt me so much…he hasn’t blocked me and even answers my calls but doesn’t answer my texts..I started looking for advice on the net now…too late I know…i have done enough mistakes…but I feel I need to recover first coz my emotions are ruining it..i also feel that if I make him fall in love with me,become the girl for whom he’d like to start a new relationship from the scratch,then I think things will work out really well…he has just lost attraction for me and that’s why he is not willing to work…he even said he loves me….is there any hope???how can I rebuild attraction in this case???do u see any other reason other than loss of attraction??or should I move on???but before the breakup he used to talk about a girl and said she was his close friend…..but I don’t feel like she is just a close friend….my ex is calling her pet names…always hangs out only with her…buys her stuffs…shares secrets with her…told her about our relationship and asked her to talk to me and tell me that my he was no more interested in me….I also feel he used ex girlfriend recovery tactics on me…like dream baits..playing hot and cold….saying that I was sexy,beautiful….trying to flirt….playing available and unavailable..always talking about other women in front of me…Chris…i seriously don’t know what to do….I’m currently on nc and I’m improving myself….partying and enjoying with my friends…but I just wanna know one thing…..what is going on???what can I do to get him back???or should I move on???…he never replies to my txts…he only answers my calls and whenever I call him,he is damn rude…he says he doesn’t have time for anyone but is hanging out with his friends and especially that girl….Chris can u plz tell me what is happening….plz give me some insight…..
sasha

April 6, 2018 at 10:09 am

Hey Chris,
My situation is truly unique and so this is gonna be lengthy…sorry bout that..i was in a long distance relationship with this incredible guy for four months.Things were amazing and we were deeply in love.He is my relative and lives in a different state.we meet up rarely and that was during some occasions.so I know this guy since my childhood.but there is one thing that I’d like to tell,both of our families are closely related but are not on good terms.so we were in a relationship and were quite happy until one day,my friend got to know this and informed my dad.he took me to my guy’s place and fought with my guy’s mom…it was a pretty bad one and the families split up..so my guy decided to break up but I tried convincing him,begged him but it didn’t work.eventually I stopped contacting him..after two years we met up in the hospital along with our families coz one of our relatives met with an accident..he was trying to stare at me and when I looked he’d look into his phone…so I find Time to speak to him alone in the hospital and apologized and took his number…he too apologized..after that we got in touch and things were really great.we both never dated anyone else after the breakup..and while talking to him I realized we still have strong feelings for each other..i was his first love and he was my first love..so our conversation started becoming intense and I told him that I wanna try things out.,n after three months I did it again and told him that I wanted an answer to which he proposed me and we promised each other that we’ll stand up for each other and will face our families…he cried and told me that he was sorry that he was pushing me away and he’d never do it again..after two days when I call him,he was dull and I asked him what happened n he said he was stressed..but I just felt he was acting different and told him that I didn’t feel like he loves me like before and he broke up..he even said he’ll regret it..i was stupid and shouldn’t have done that..then we spoke for two months and we both decided to work things out..but he never took action and I had enough and told him I was over and I’d be friends…at some point he was very dull and was quite angry with me n was rude..so I thought I’d ask him out again and he told me that he didn’t feel the same for me anymore and he said that there was no love and we had to start from the scratch and for which he didn’t have time…he’s become very busy with his projects…so I apologize and he said that I did nothing wrong and even he did nothing wrong but it was the situation and he also said that he doesn’t even have the guts to apologize to me as he has hurt me so much…he hasn’t blocked me and even answers my calls but doesn’t answer my texts..I started looking for advice on the net now…too late I know…i have done enough mistakes…but I feel I need to recover first coz my emotions are ruining it..i also feel that if I make him fall in love with me,become the girl for whom he’d like to start a new relationship from the scratch,then I think things will work out really well…he has just lost attraction for me and that’s why he is not willing to work…he even said he loves me….is there any hope???how can I rebuild attraction in this case???do u see any other reason other than loss of attraction??or should I move on???

Chris Seiter

April 9, 2018 at 11:28 am

I think there is hope as long as you execute which I find is half the battle with my clients.

I’d first start working on reeling your emotions in a bit which I realize is a tall order during this difficult time. Maybe we can come up with some exercise for you to get your mind off the pain.
sasha

April 10, 2018 at 6:32 am

Chris, thank you so much but there is one more thing I forgot to mention…before the 2nd breakup he used to talk about a girl and said she was his close friend…..but I don’t feel like she is just a close friend….my ex is calling her pet names…always hangs out only with her…buys her stuffs…shares secrets with her…told her about our relationship and asked her to talk to me and tell me that he was no more interested in me….I also feel he used ex girlfriend recovery tactics on me…like dream baits..playing hot and cold….saying that I was sexy,beautiful….trying to flirt….playing available and unavailable..always talking about other women in front of me…Chris…i seriously don’t know what to do….I’m currently on nc and I’m improving myself….partying and enjoying with my friends…but I just wanna know one thing…..what is going on???what can I do to get him back??? he never replies to my txts…he only answers my calls and whenever I call him,he is damn rude…he says he doesn’t have time for anyone but is hanging out with his friends and especially that girl….Chris can u plz tell me what is happening….plz give me some insight….because during the first breakup his family was quite hurt…so was he trying to get back at me by making me believe that he loves me ,proposed me and then broke up the very next day???
Chris Seiter

April 10, 2018 at 11:09 pm

Breakups can be confusing and emotional on all levels. Just know you will get through this and accept what happens on the other side of this experience. My best advice is you need to gain more insight and smarts on how this whole ex recovery thing works. That is why I created an ebook called, Ex Recovery Pro. Go take a look. You can get there by way of my website’s Menu, click on the link for “Products.” Chances are, you just need a few good ideas to tap into!
sasha

April 12, 2018 at 9:03 am

In this case, do u think nc and the other tactics will work on him Chris???As I guess he has read about ex gf recovery tactics..n I guess he knows pretty much about it….i think I should make things not look deliberate…i should make things look casual…
Chris Seiter

April 12, 2018 at 5:02 pm

I think the principles work in most cases. We are all human and vulnerable to things that make us miss those we were once close to. But more importantly, NC is for you. Its for you to heal and become the best version of yourself. You are investing in yourself.
sasha

April 14, 2018 at 6:07 am

Alright Chris…..one last question before I execute things.he has not blocked me,but he won’t answer my calls or txts now.Chris..i have told u everything about my situation…I’m totally depressed…i can’t do work…i can’t do anything…I’m feeling very low….he isn’t even treating me properly…my greatest fear is how do I approach him after NC when he doesn’t even wanna talk to me??this is making me crazy and its making me break NC…it’s already 3.5 months since the breakup n all the way I have begged him twice and kept calling him 3 times a week at least…this was what I did before NC…now I’m doing NC…so now he doesn’t even answer my calls or txts….n he also seems to have moved on,I guess to that new girl I mentioned….
Jennifer Seiter

April 14, 2018 at 1:45 pm

Hi Sasha, I’m going to jump in here for a second. Your situation isn’t impossible but it will be somewhat challenging since your long distance and you’ve begged for him back multiple times. You need to do 45 days a strict no contact. Focus on doing things you love. Start a new hobby and work on some texts that you can send him after no contact. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a sweet woman and a great catch. You just need to build your self esteem back up. Everyone feels like you do after a breakup but you need to turn those feelings around if you want to get back with him. Your value will be much higher in his eyes if you are confident and happy with yourself.
sasha

April 16, 2018 at 5:01 am

Thank you so much Jennifer…I’ll follow ur advice..I’ll give my best…thanks once again….
sasha

April 22, 2018 at 12:26 pm

Chris,I wanted to know if u have written any guide about what to do if ur ex boyfriend thinks ur playing with their emotions while u aren’t??
Chris Seiter

April 22, 2018 at 10:56 pm

Yes…I wrote a post on “Playing Mindgames” which you can find here on the site. Of course, I talk about this topic and many more in all my ebooks. But you know…most people will often feel their ex is playing with their head. When emotions run high, people think of all kinds of things, many of which are not true.
sasha

April 27, 2018 at 2:03 am

Chris,could u please provide me with a mini game plan??? It would be really helpful…..
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2018 at 5:16 am

My advise is go back and re-read the advice we have offered you! I like what Jen said about taking some quality time to focus on your own needs and seeking to be the best version of yourself…but for “you”. If you spend your days focusing on whether you will ever hear from your ex, it will just pull you further and further away from the things you need to do to live your life. Move forward with the assumption that it won’t work out with him, and if you do hear from him, you a can decide what is best for you at that time.
sasha

April 15, 2018 at 8:41 am

Thank you Jennifer….I’ll follow ur advice….I’ll hope for the best….
sasha

April 12, 2018 at 8:56 am

S Chris…I’ll start to use the ex recovery tactics…tq….but I remember my ex once told me that even the no contact won’t work on him…i didn’t even know what was nc 8 months back when he told me that…but I’ll make it look like it’s not a nc period and I’ll show him my other side…n sprinkle it with a little jealousy tactics…u see he has taken me for granted as I have chased him for 8 months and begged twice…so I’ll have to change his perception about me…it’s time for me to move on without moving on and pull the rug and make him feel he’s losing me..tq so much Chris…i think this should work…

Lily

April 5, 2018 at 7:09 am

Hi, so my ex bf and i were together for 3 years and 7 months we were a healthy happy couple but all out of no were my exbf started to change since he turn 30. So basacally my ex bf LDR stoped talking to me after a miss understanding for a month, I contacted him a week a go to ask him what happen to him and between us, which he answer with “i will disappear again and never come back again” basaclly broke up with me by text. I talk to him and asked why he was breaking up with me he coment from a fight we had 2 months ago from the date. He coment he didnt want to fight anymore or argue the way we did. I said it wont happen again but he keep mention that our relationship wont work out anymore. I ask him from another chanse he hardly agree. I waited for him to text me first which he did, and started a conversation but after a couple days he stoped talking to me for a week. I tex him “hi” back and he responded with a “hi”. Some miss event happen in my life i couldnt stop it which i call him for help he denide it and told me my opportunity had run out since i didnt text him. I was surprised about it thinking maybe space what he needs but i had notice that space is the thing is dragging him apart of me. I am scare of doing the nc and he forget about me. However, he coment really mean stuff in our last call and ask him for a last favor to go back from our relationship where it started until the fight and ask him if is not worth to try the relationship again. I told him i gave him until Sunday which i know he wont respond, i also got crazy hurt and delete him from every social media. I want him to come back i love him and i had become really patience after this experience. Do i should still do the 30 days? I dont want to loose him more that what i have now.

Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 11:53 pm

I think it’s a trap to lose him anymore than you have… You’ve already lost him so now is the time to take risks!

I think 30 days is still the ideal move here.
Lily

April 6, 2018 at 6:34 am

Even though he stoped talking to me for a month before the break up? I am scare because he said he forgot about me during that month and thats when he stoped loving me. And doing another month i feel he just going to forget more about me.
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:56 am

I don’t buy that BS one bit…

I know men and I know how the human brain works when it goes through a breakup. He is just saying that to scare you and get you to cater to him.
Lily

April 11, 2018 at 12:23 pm

I dont know i really hope he is just bluffing because of the breakup. So i am trying the 30 days nc right now, but i have a tiny problem. I blocked him from all sm, because it hurts me he was checking on me and used that against me. So the joules part of the article it would be hard for me. What can i do instead?
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 1:28 pm

Could you explain again what you mean! Not sure if I follow.
lily

April 27, 2018 at 5:37 pm

Hi Chris,
Sorry for not being clear the first time, what i am saying, is that i block my ex everywhere in social media since i didn’t want to reach his activities while i was heart broken. In the article on the top there is a section called, “Let’s Sprinkle In A Little Jealousy” where is comment something about posting stuff in social media and created “jealousy” i feel i cant due the fact i block him. So in this part what do you recommend me to do?
on the other hand, the nc its being hard but so far i missing a week and i feel super nervous that it wont work. i am hoping for the best and he answer my text.
Chris Seiter

April 28, 2018 at 4:54 am

Hi Lily…it normal to be anxious and while no one can no the future and how successful NC will be for them, it has proven very effective for many people. If you need a deeper diver into how it all works, I wrote an ebook called, “The No Contact Rule Book”, that is epic in length and goes through the whole process in great detail. As far as jealousy….enlist a friend to help you with that…to convey the information you want him to see or hear about. I call them Confederates….people that help you accomplish your aims.
Lily

May 7, 2018 at 8:03 pm

Hi chris,

I did the nc for more then 30 days but hasnt have the guts to text him yet, but my brithday was couple days ago and he send me an email with “happy birthday” i dont know if he just trying to be nice, nessing with me, or trying to make a contact with me so i got nervous and didnt answer back until today with a “thansk you” pff got so nervous i am not sure what to do in this point.
Chris Seiter

May 7, 2018 at 10:05 pm

It’s OK Lily….remember…these things normally don’t happen fast. Him reaching out was a positive development and it perfectly fine to have sent him a reply. Just go slow and if he messages you back, just slowly build some attraction, using all of the techniques I talk about in my ebook.

Abby

March 21, 2018 at 3:37 pm

Hey so me and my ex were in an LDR and basically broke up solely because of the distance. He said there was a lack of physical side of things. Not necessary like “touching and kissing” either, just face to face. And anyway, I read this whole article about the steps and stages it takes to potientally get them back. I just wanted to know how to space these steps out? Like after I send the first text after NC stage (30 Days) and ending the convo after he responds do I jump into the meme stage the next day? And after I get a response on the meme do I just go to the next stage and so on or do I keep in a same phase for a while?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 27, 2018 at 12:35 pm

Hi Abby,

With texts, you can use the meme text if you had a positive response from your initial contact.. Check this one too:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules

Felicity

March 4, 2018 at 6:57 am

I successfully did NC for a month, messaged but got no reply so did another month and messaged again. This time he replied. Since then we have messaged on and off but always initiated by me. We were LD for a couple of years then moved in together, he was cheating and we broke up. That was four months ago. He’s agreed to meet up and today even said he’d come over to help fix a broken window, which is a long drive. I said I appreciated it but would try to sort it myself. My problem is he then suddenly backs off. He’s being friendly but then suddenly withdraws and goes cold. Help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2018 at 11:58 am

Hi Felicity,

did he go? were you ending your texts in high note and are you using his topics of interests?

Kim

February 27, 2018 at 4:31 pm

I am so incredibly stressed because I miss him so much and I fear I ruined it all. I was having bad insecurities and and suspicions toward the end of our LDR and it eventually tore us apart. I’ve been fighting to win him back for 2 months now but he told me there is too much tension and he can’t see us getting back to a happy place. We haven’t seen each other in over two months. Will NC still work if we’ve not seen each other for 2 months and I’ve been begging and pleading to get him back? What if his feelings have changed? I am so worried he’s got a totally different perception of me now :-/ Help. I don’t know what to do. Is the damage already done?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2018 at 3:34 pm

Hi Kim,

It’s better to just do nc.. It’s not guaranteed but it will help increase your chances

Rina

February 24, 2018 at 6:58 pm

My
Boyfriend lives 400 miles away. We talk everyday, i sometimes gets upset for some stupid reason, then i have surprised him on his b day by going to his house and he was really happy. That day we were happy until i got deunk and became a cry baby. That he told me that i have to think about our relationship that it probably wont work because i get upset all the time. It really hurt me when he said it wont work but he said he still care for me, and he feels bad that he caused alot of pain to me. He is a good man very sweet.i know it was my fault. Do you it still possible to get him back? We are just new in relationship like 6 months. I just really want him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 11:35 am

Hi Rina,

have you tried our quiz?

LO

February 21, 2018 at 3:16 am

So me and my bf met online. he flew out to see meet me. we started dating. we have been talking everyday since july. we kept getting into the same argument about him not facetiming me enough. everytime hed say he was sorry and he was really trying. forward 5 months we got into the argument again, and he said he wanted to break up and the distance was too much. he blocked me on all social media and my phone number. I text him emotionally the next day from a friends phone. That was two weeks ago and I haven’t heard from him and Im still blocked.
It was completely out of the blue. and he had made serious plans for me to move there after school. So idk what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2018 at 3:15 pm

Hi Lo,

Start the nc rule.. Do at least 30 days. Be active in improving yourself and in posting and follow the advice above..

Sue

February 15, 2018 at 8:39 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me last week, we had a LDR for about half a year. He broke up very soon after we had a perfect holiday together. It was because I got jealous again just because he told me he wanted to see his friends the next day. I somehow always reacted like that and I know now that it was wrong. I made him feel bad with this too, not only myself and then that day it was one time too much and the next day he said he can’t accept that anymore. He just wants to see his friends and doesn’t want to feel bad every time he sees them just because I get mad about it.
I begged him and cried to him on the phone that he gives me another chance to make it better and we can stay together. But he said he gave me enough chances already and he is sick of always having arguments when he just wants to see his friends. He also said he has no more romantic feelings for me and he can’t change anything about this it’s over and I should move on.
But I know he’s the right man and I definitely want a future with him because we have lots of things in common and always got on well especially those times when we were together on holiday that was perfect.
I really want him back and it’s very hard to accept it’s over for now. We also chatted again the last days and it was fine but today I said something wrong again, that was too clear I want him back and now he said no contact for at least 2 weeks.
I know it was a mistake to chat too much already, at one point I would say some relationship stuff and he would retreat. This time I will keep quiet though and not have any contact until he writes again. He wants to be friends and I want too but still would want to have a new friendship develop into a relationship.
Is there any chance we can be together again even though he says he doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore and that he doesn’t want a LDR again? Can he get his feelings back slowly through a great friendship like it was first time we got together? That with the LDR could be solved because I wouldn’t mind to move to his country. But after all his reactions I’m too afraid to actually ever ask him for a relationship again because I’m sure he would say no he has no feelings anymore. I’m not even sure if I should ask at one point to meet up again if I’m somewhere close to him because right now he wouldn’t want to.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2018 at 1:12 am

Hi Sue,

if you’re doing nc, that means you’re not going to reply if he initiates.

Cheryl

February 14, 2018 at 9:28 am

I met my former boyfriend ( can’t bring myself to say ex yet) when he was studying in my country. He is from another country. We spent the year together and fell very much in love with each other. He finished his studies the same year and went back to his home country but we wanted to make it work so we chatted everyday via text ( unfortunately his country had blocked all major video call services). I knew he had to come back eventually to collect his degree etc. which he did about 9 months later. DUring his time back, I had just left my job and was managing 3 part time jobs, and was stressed out often and I felt his last visit was more tumultuous than a great trip. With that I might have planted some doubt in him already. After he left, we had a discussion 3 weeks later about my fears about being with him, and he assured me that it was fine and that he was with me 100% but I wasn’t convinced and pushed on and he took a 3 day break before calling it off, after calling him and making sense with him ,we patched things up a week later, and everything was fine after that.
Fast forward to the new year, we kicked it off well, Isent him a voice message citing how much I loved him and hoped the year was better and he agreed. However 2 days later his behaviour changed, and he became quiet. After pressing on he asked for some space, without any context. I naturally got anxious and he asked again for space saying he was feeling down and need to think of how to improve his “life and career”. I left him alone for a week other than the occasional good night and good morning I love you msgs. Till eventually I couldn’t take it anymore ( a week later) and started pushing him for a response and whether he wanted the relationship, as he was clearly ghosting me. Then he decided that “he didnt see a future”, ” It’s not you it’s me”, “he wants to work on himself and career and care for those around him”, ” And that he wants to stay single for a year or two”…
I didn’t know what else to say to make him stay, maybe I should have reasoned with him again… but for some reason, I sent him my best and let him go, maybe I was tired from the waiting.
I tried having a convo with him a few days later but he answered coyly. and on social media he was posting pics and videos of his time with a friend who was visiting him from overseas. It was too much for me to take so I deactivated my acct and went incognito. After 2 weeks I reactivated and within 15 min he blocks me on instagram. Yet still follows me on facebook and whatsapp and our secret instagram page. I tried inititiating contact after 21 days but he never replied. Prior to that on the 3rd day of the break up I sent him a semi- “goodbye but we will find our way back to each other” audio. With no response.
2 weeks after being deactivated, my friend writes to him just to have a general convo, and he mentions that life is good, he has a career, and his happy with his hobbies and He is not seeing a girl. The thought of that crushed me as we had only broken up for a month. and I spiralled into anger ( my friends and I believed he had been cheating on me). Now that I have a little clarity ( 1 week later) … I still feel that there’s something worth fighting for, something in me (albeti unrealistic) feels like it’s too soon to be done… but I dont know where to start .

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2018 at 2:07 pm

Hi Cheryl,

You can still try the advice above if you want to..

Sarah

February 13, 2018 at 12:45 am

My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago before embarking on a one way ticket trip overseas, probably returning within the year. He wanted to ‘pause’ the relationship and see how things are when he returns but I really want to be able to go over and see him in a few months. How can I get him to consider a LDR or even just resuming a relationship while I visit and hopefully continue once I leave? I’m doing no contact atm because I need him to reach out to me and know that he wants to talk. Thanks!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2018 at 7:52 pm

Hi Sarah,

That means it’s not nc and you’re just giving him space, that’s ok but you have to set a limit on until when you would wait

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