If you’re interested in learning how to get a fearful avoidant ex back then this is definitely the success story you want to pay attention to.

I had the pleasure of talking to Aimee who is a tenured member of our program and ended up getting her ex back.

Don’t believe me?

We talked about,

• How she got her fearful avoidant ex back
• If following the ex recovery program actually worked
• How her ex proposed
• And much more

Let’s just right into it.

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How Aimee Got Her Fearful Avoidant Ex To Propose

Chris Seiter:
All right, today, we’re going to be talking to Amy, who’s one of our more recent success stories in the Facebook group. And she’s got a really interesting one, because she’s not only gotten her ex back, but she’s got engaged to her ex. And man, you’ve got a lot here.

Aimee:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Rich is a fearful-avoidant. He’s a doctor. He got really stressed based on COVID, and he even knows that you used this program to get them back, which is a huge… It’s pretty rare for a lot of people that I talked to you in they’re success stories. They’re embarrassed about it, but you seem like you’ve been completely honest and open with him about it, which is great, I think.

Aimee:
Yeah, I was. And he was actually proud of me for taking the initiative to get him back. He thought that was amazing.

Chris Seiter:
I think it’s cool that he looks at it that way, because there’s really two ways to look at it, which is, “You used the program to get me back. Oh, that’s so cool that you cared enough to use something like that to get me back.” And then there’s the like, “You’re weak for using a program.” And usually, I think most women and men who get their exes back are just scared to tell their exes that they had to get help. But anyways, let’s go back in time.

Aimee:
I was scared.

Chris Seiter:
Oh you were?

Aimee:
I was scared in the beginning, I was. But then he just made me feel comfortable. So I blurted it out after a glass of wine, unfortunately. But he was so receptive and wanted to know more about it, actually.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, that’s great. That’s great.

Aimee:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
So you probably let him into the Facebook group and he could see how everything’s on-

Aimee:
I did not.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Aimee:
No, no, no, no.

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Chris Seiter:
That’s too much for him.

Aimee:
It’s too much.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So why don’t we go back in time, and why don’t you just introduce us to how this breakup came about and your journey. And then we’ll ask questions to figure out what you did right.

Aimee:
Okay. So he and I were just at a year, and we were making plans to move in together, and COVID happened. And actually, COVID happened about three months after we started dating. So it was really difficult dating. All of our dates were at parks, picnics, that kind of thing. But a lot of one on one time.

Chris Seiter:
Couldn’t go out to eat, couldn’t see a movie, do things like that.

Aimee:
Correct. We couldn’t. Right. But I think that it actually brought us closer quicker because of all the talking. But anyway, we were just at a year. We were planning on moving in together. And the week before we were moving in, he canceled that out of the blue. And then about two weeks after that, he broke up with me out of the blue. There was no indication to me that there was a problem. I was just dumped. And I’m not-

Chris Seiter:
Did he do it… I don’t mean to interrupt. Did he do it over text or did he do this in person?

Aimee:
Oh my God, yes. He tried, but I’m not okay with that. He tried to do it over text ,and I texted him back that that was not acceptable. So he called me and we talked about it. And actually, the first time he dumped me, we got back together for two weeks, and then he did it again. So it was twice. And then the second time-

Chris Seiter:
So how did you get him back? Before we get into the permanent one where you got engaged, how quickly did you get him back that first time before the second breakup occurred?

Aimee:
It was weird, because once I got him on the phone and we talked things through, it was immediate. We were back together. It’s almost as if-

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So it was just a conversation.

Aimee:
Correct. It was just a conversation. I never begged, I never natted, none of that. But then he did it again via text. And that, that was enough for me. And I texted him back that I agreed with him. I needed the space, the time, too. And that was the end. I never texted him again.

Chris Seiter:
Now, when you say you agree with him, did you just say it like that? Like, “I agree with you?”

Aimee:
I did. I did.

Chris Seiter:
Wow.

Aimee:
I said, “I agree with you. I need this, too.” And that was the end. He actually texted me after that, but I didn’t respond.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So how did he exactly initiate this breakup the second time?

Speaker 3:
He said, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you. But I love you.” He kept repeating himself, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you, but I love you.”

Chris Seiter:
It’s such a paradox.

Aimee:
And right now… It was. It was Crazy. “And right now, I can’t be with you. Right now.” It was just like that. It was like, I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I love you. I can’t be with you right now.” And I was done.

Chris Seiter:
What was your first reaction upon saying like, “Okay, I agree with you?” what did you do after that?

Aimee:
I was angry because he did it by text again. So I have too much pride, I guess, to be okay with that. And so that was just… Yeah, I was done and I just agreed with him. And that was it.

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Chris Seiter:
So do you think you saying, “I agree with you,” came from a more of a prideful stance or an anger stance, like, “Okay. I agree with you. We’re done?”

Aimee:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
So, okay. I like it actually.

Aimee:
Yes, definitely. I was not going to be treated that way, and I felt I had more value than that. And I had tried to let him understand that the first time he broke up through text, but it didn’t seem to catch on, but the fearful avoidant part of him, I know that’s why he texted. Now, I know this. He was too afraid to do it over the phone. He was too afraid to do it in person. So, but at the time, I didn’t know that.

Chris Seiter:
The complications are scary for someone who has-

Aimee:
Oh yeah. He’s not good with that.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So immediately after this breakup, you’re angry, hurt. At what point does that… So just to clarify, when you say, “I agree with you,” are you at any point thinking I need to immediately get this person back or is it like screw them, I don’t care about them?

Aimee:
I think when I texted him that, it was screw you, I don’t care. Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay, so how long did it take for the for the dial to shift more, to like, okay I [crosstalk 00:06:44].

Aimee:
The next day.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So it was a quick-

Aimee:
It was.

Chris Seiter:
The anger of the five stages of grief was very quick for you.

Aimee:
Yes. And you know why, though, because we had such a perfect relationship. We had never argued. We still haven’t. No arguments, no disagreements, and just a beautiful relationship. So yeah, I wanted it back. And he’s the first guy I’ve been with since my husband passed. And so I think that bond with him, I just-

Chris Seiter:
You had a strong connection.

Aimee:
We really did have a strong connection, yeah.

Chris Seiter:
You felt there was something special to this.

Aimee:
Sure.

Chris Seiter:
It seems like the only points of contention you guys ever had was related to this all of a sudden he comes out and says, “We can’t move in together,” and then breaks up with you quickly afterwards. And as we’re probably going to find out, probably that step of moving in together maybe freaked him out, do you think?

Aimee:
I think it did. I think it was the tip of the iceberg, honestly. It was just what put him over.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

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Aimee:
He couldn’t handle the relationship. He couldn’t handle the financials, the COVID, everything that was happening, his kids, everything that was happening at that time, the holidays, everything.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Well, we were talking before we started recording about some of the factors that caused the breakup, and there’s a lot there. You had mentioned that you’re a widow and he’s a widow. And then his kids did not want to meet you, so that weighs on him. Then there’s the COVID aspect of happening right when you start dating. So, it’s this weird situation for him, especially at work, because people don’t want to show up to work or show up because they’re afraid. And that created some financial stresses within him as well as work stresses within him. So maybe to compartmentalize, he’s like, “I need to put this relationship over here and just focus on these aspects.” Of course, it usually blows up in people’s faces who do that because, you can’t just pretend something doesn’t exist.

Aimee:
Right. I think that’s what he did though. He tried doing that.

Chris Seiter:
It’s almost like a coping mechanism. And I think it’s really relatable. I’m sure there’s areas in all of our lives that we’ve done the compartmentalization aspect without really thinking about it. We just do it as a way to cope.

Aimee:
Probably, I agree. Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Aimee:
Yeah. It was a lot. And I think it just was the tip of the iceberg for him, the moving in, and he couldn’t handle it all. And I was the disposable thing, if you will.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. I think you were probably the easiest thing to like, okay-

Aimee:
He thought.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah, he thought.

Aimee:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
It turns out you’ll out last COVID, you’ll outlast the stress, you’ll outlast all of the financial constraints.

Aimee:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So eventually you get to this point where you’re like, “Okay, I need to think about trying to repair this.” At what point do you come across our program, or our website, or our YouTube channel? What point of the stage does that occur?

Aimee:
I actually found it the night of the breakup, and so I guess the next day. It was that quick.

Chris Seiter:
So do you remember exactly if you were doing a Google search or you did a YouTube search?

Aimee:
It was a Google search that led me to the YouTube videos and I started on the videos. Yes, immediately. It just seemed like such a solid program. Of course, I was reading the reviews. And I’m a researcher, so I did a lot of research. And out of several, I picked this one. And actually the reason being, yeah, the reason being was to… Yes, I wanted him back, but I also wanted to find out why was it so easy for him to do what he did and via text, and I wanted to improve myself. I didn’t want it to happen ever again, whether I got him back or not.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So our program definitely fits that mold. You eventually signed up for the program. I’m assuming you start reading about the no contact rule. You get started on that. And you mentioned-

Aimee:
That was immediate. Immediate, the no contact.

Chris Seiter:
So you did that inherently without really maybe even learning about it until afterwards.

Aimee:
Correct. Right.

Chris Seiter:
You mentioned, though, that you never broke the no contact, not one time.

Aimee:
I did not.

Chris Seiter:
What is your secret? How can people get this magical power?

Aimee:
I don’t think it’s a magical power. It’s really a will. It’s what do you want to accomplish? And it’s a goal. And if you want to accomplish a goal, you’ve got to do the steps to get to that goal. And I actually made a paper of 45 hearts on it, and I put it on the fridge, and every morning I colored in a heart, and it kept me… I could see the end. I could see, every day it was a colored in a heart. And I was reading through everything. I purchased the bundles. I did everything. But yeah, I think it was just that when you get a goal… The problem I see a lot in the program by reading through other people’s things, is that the focus is more on getting him back. And that should really just be an outcome. The focus I thought was on me and on improving myself so I wasn’t in this situation again. And if I got him back, that’s great. If I didn’t, you know what? There’s someone else out there.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. It’s music to my ears. Every single day, my YouTube studio makeshift, we have a room in our house that’s just for YouTube, I go up there and I always feel like I’m repeating the same stuff every single day, just in different ways. And it’s always what you just said, which is like, and I think that’s such a really great way of putting it, the outcome of improving yourself and focusing on you, outgrowing your ex, should be that they want to come back.

Aimee:
Yes. Oh yes.

Chris Seiter:
Instead of focusing on it like, “Well, if I do this, they’ll come back.”

Aimee:
Right.

Chris Seiter:
And it almost never works out that way. And it’s usually the people I’m noticing when I interview people, the people who have that, who realize that, that concept of like, “Hey, this is the outcome of all this work,” that end up doing really, really well. They don’t always get their exes back, but a lot of them end up do.

Aimee:
Right. But it should be okay if they don’t, right?

Chris Seiter:
They don’t care if they get their exes back, it’s kind of like-

Aimee:
Right. Well I cared, but-

Chris Seiter:
I think you can care, but also accept if they don’t come-

Aimee:
I was okay.

Chris Seiter:
Right. You know it’s not going to be like this devastating thing that’s going to ruin your life forever.

Aimee:
Right. And I won’t tell you that I was even keeled emotionally the whole time, because I grew a lot emotionally through the program, a lot. Yes, I had plenty of days where I was crying and wanted to reach out. But my willpower was stronger than that, and because I wanted to achieve something. And I knew that if I did that, well, number one, why did I buy the program? And number two, I wasn’t going to achieve what I wanted to achieve, which was growing and changing and never ever again being any man’s doormat ever, ever, ever.

Chris Seiter:
Well, I also, I’m kind of curious, you mentioned you classify your ex as a fearful avoidant. Did you know about attachment styles at all before you came into the program?

Aimee:
I did not. One of the recommended books by Tyler was Attached, which I did read, and I did the test that’s in there for both me and my fiance. And he was textbook fearful avoidant. It was easy to see. But it changed everything in my perspective on how I approached him. It still does. It still does.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. It’s really mind blowing, isn’t it?

Aimee:
It is. It’s awesome.

Chris Seiter:
When you actually just to kind of understand this is how they’re interpreting relationships and how it’s maybe different. I’m curious, how did you score on the test?

Aimee:
I am anxious.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. It’s pretty common.

Aimee:
Yeah, I’m anxious. But I will tell you that I’ve been working on changing that attachment style, and I’ve made leaps and bounds in doing that. I have really done well with handling my emotions, calming the Emotional Storm is a great book, handling my emotions and learning how to identify triggers, that kind of thing. So I’ve come a long way.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. So 45 days no contact is not a short amount of time. Here’s my question for you. I know it was not all roses and candy every single day and perfect. I know there were days where it was really hard, and you’re probably going to the Facebook group and you’re saying like, “I want to break no contact so bad.” But after all the work was done, when you got out of no contact, did you feel like you had more confidence? Did you feel a little bit better about things?

Aimee:
100%, 100%. I was very confident. I’m not going to tell you I wasn’t nervous about the first reach out and would he respond or not? Because I had no idea, but I was equipped and ready for it if he didn’t, I knew what to do. I knew how to handle it, thanks to the program. Everything’s written out. If you really do the program, everything’s right there for you. So I knew how to handle it. I was equipped. And thankfully, I didn’t have to deal with any of that. But if I had to, I probably would not have stuck around very long trying to, maybe two reach outs with no response. And that’s just me. I’m done, next. I’m going to move on.

Chris Seiter:
Well fortunately, that didn’t happen.

Aimee:
I’m glad it didn’t happen. I’m very glad it didn’t, because actually, the relationship is better now than it was the first time.

Chris Seiter:
That’s so great to hear.

Aimee:
It is. And I will tell you that it’s the change in me. I have no doubt that a lot of it is the change in me and how he’s responding to me that has made a difference.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Like I told you before we started recording, I had gone through some of your Facebook posts, and it was really interesting. There was a Facebook post in there that you were mentioning, this is before you were engaged, I think you were really close to getting him back, but not quite there yet. And you had mentioned something had happened where you could tell he pulled away, which is really classic fearful avoidant mentality. When things are getting close, they pull away because their independence is kind of like, “Eh.” And you had mentioned that before, you would have just kept pursuing and trying to fix the thing, right? But you decided just to give him his space, and he comes back the very next morning with like, “I love you.”

Aimee:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
So it seems like just even being aware of how to handle someone who has avoidant tendencies and having the discipline not to give into your anxious tendencies, that’s huge.

Aimee:
It made a huge difference. That was the texting phase. And he was so responsive during the texting phase. The first couple were actually neutral. One conversation, he even-

Chris Seiter:
I saw your reach out, by the way. It was like you asked for his opinion on something. And he was really clever in his response back to you.

Aimee:
Yeah. And then he just disappeared. And I was like, okay. So, but I mirrored him. I’m not going to, if that response warranted no response from me when he bowed out. So I didn’t. And yes, he did pull back. It was obvious he had pulled back, and he came back and I followed this program. I mirrored him. I have a spreadsheet where I kept the times where I was time and a halfing.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, you did.

Aimee:
I was doing it all, but it worked. So what can I say? If you want me to go ahead, I can go ahead a little bit. The texting phase, about five and a half weeks, I believe. The first-

Chris Seiter:
It lasted for five and a half weeks, the texting phase.

Aimee:
It did. Mm-hmm (affirmative). It did. And that’s when I went with Anna about going and trying to move into the phone call phase, because I totally didn’t really know how to do that. And she guided me in that, and it was just a success. He-

Chris Seiter:
So, how did you accomplish that?

Aimee:
Actually, we’re both in the medical field, so I was actually getting ready to be promoted. And I had a question about my promotion. He had been with me on that journey since day one, so I brought it back and was like, “I need help on my resume on this thing that I had to do for this promotion.” And I was like, “I want to email this to you. And then I’d like to go over it on the phone because-”

Chris Seiter:
Oh, it’s brilliant.

Aimee:
Yeah, and it worked.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, it’s so brilliant.

Aimee:
We scheduled a time. It’s good.

Chris Seiter:
It’s brilliant, because it really taps into that holy Trinity concept, the wealth aspect of it, but also it’s such a brilliant way to get… She actually recommended that to one of my other success story interviews. It was someone who lived in Japan and it was a work thing that she needed help on. And she actually got a meetup that way. She was like, “Come meet up with me.” I think it was pre COVID. So it was back when you didn’t have to worry about going out.

Aimee:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Oh man.

Aimee:
It was great. It just worked like a charm.

Chris Seiter:
What a cool way of showing off, too, like, “Yeah, I got this promotion, but I need your help.” It just-

Aimee:
Yeah, and we scheduled a phone call and he actually backed out of the first time it was scheduled. He was tired and didn’t want to.

Chris Seiter:
He’s scared.

Aimee:
I was like, “No problem. Is there another time you could do it?” And he’s like, “Well, why don’t we do it…” It was the next day, I think, actually, or two days. And he was there, we did the phone call, we went over it, and everything was great. And that opened the door for the phone calls, because then we started talking on the phone a little more. I took it slow.

Chris Seiter:
So the very first interaction you have, which is business-based interaction, did it eventually evolve on that very first phone call to more personal topics?

Aimee:
It did. You’re going to love this. You’re going to love this.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. Yeah.

Aimee:
So he really loves clothes like I do, okay.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Aimee:
And I’m just a big Calvin Klein fan. And so I had, after the phone call about the resume and stuff, I’m like, “Well, the interview is coming up,” or whatever. And I’m like, “I’m going to Macy’s, I need a new suit. And I want to know your opinion on the three that I pick.” And so I sent him the three pictures, and that was it. He was commenting and he’s like, “You’re so beautiful.” And anyway, it really opened the flirting, and it changed the dynamics of our communication.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, that’s so clever.

Aimee:
It was. I did that myself.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Oh man, it’s just so good.

Aimee:
It was good.

Chris Seiter:
It’s a great way of using phone calls to enhance text messaging, too, if you think about it. Because that was all happening through text, right?

Aimee:
That was all text.

Chris Seiter:
The pictures?

Aimee:
Yes. Yes. But then we started talking a little more on the phone, and it was only once a week or something, and they weren’t long. We’ve never had long phone calls. We still don’t. We talk in person. But he had brought up, through text he had brought up a movie he wanted to see. Gosh, what was it? I don’t even remember now, but-

Chris Seiter:
Quiet Place Two or something like that.

Aimee:
Yeah. I think it was his. I think it was.

Chris Seiter:
Sweet.

Aimee:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
That’s the only date movie that’s come out.

Aimee:
I love that movie.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah, it’s scary.

Aimee:
Oh, they’re great. They’re both great. But I had texted or he had texted that to me, and I was like, “Yeah, I want to see that, too.” And I’m like, “Well, how about we just see it together then?” So I threw that out there.

Chris Seiter:
You just keep stumbling into perfection here. It’s great. Did that not work out so well, though?

Aimee:
It did. We met, we went to the movie, and then he said, “Well, why don’t we go grab a bite to eat afterwards?” And the golden rule, it was that right there at the dinner, “I want you back.” It was that quick, so I didn’t have to go through any more meetups. So, but it was great and it’s been great ever since.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So I want to back up.

Aimee:
Okay.

Chris Seiter:
There’s a few things that… We went hyper-speed. You mentioned after the first phone call, you were in that phone call phase for a little bit, and you would talk maybe like once a week, how would you end up getting into those phone calls, the second phone call or the third phone call?

Aimee:
What was the second one? I had a COVID question, which I really didn’t because I’m in healthcare, too. But I had a COVID question and it was right when all the medications for it were coming out, and I can’t remember even the names of them, but I told him I wanted to talk to him about COVID. That was the second phone call. Wow. It’s hard to even remember, to be honest. It was all me though, it was never him. He didn’t initiate.

Chris Seiter:
So it just happened naturally?

Aimee:
He wasn’t even initiating texts.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So now that you got them back, you had told me something interesting before we started recording. Did you ever ask him explicitly why he never initiated?

Aimee:
I did. I did.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Aimee:
And he told me that because I had texted him that I wanted that, too, that I wanted the break up, too, and I agreed with him, he didn’t think I wanted him to reach out to me. And so he, being a fearful avoidant, isn’t going to risk that. And he wanted to. He told me he regretted the breakup within a week after doing it, but he didn’t reach out to me because he didn’t think I wanted him to. So that was interesting.

Chris Seiter:
That is interesting, because I’m just curious if you had not reacted the way you initially reacted to the breakup, which was out of anger, and you’re definitely in the right for that. I wonder if it would be different, because I’ve actually seen situations where you get back together too quickly. And it just ends up in that off again on again cycle. And I’m wondering, did he make any mention about like, “Wow, you’re different” or, “You seem different,” at all?

Aimee:
He did. He did. He told me that he thought that I was a lot more confident and that that was attractive to him.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. What about specifically your handling of his fearful avoidant, sort of like, “I need to go away for a little bit?”

Aimee:
Well, I haven’t told him that he’s… I haven’t told him that he is.

Chris Seiter:
I’m just saying, did you notice him say anything about the space you’re giving him?

Aimee:
Not specifically about the space, but you know what he did say to me? “You understand me. You get me.”

Chris Seiter:
Okay. That’s exactly what you want to hear.

Aimee:
Yes. And that was so neat to hear, so neat to hear.

Chris Seiter:
Did at any point, did you ever read the book Never Split the Difference?

Aimee:
I did. It’s actually sitting right in front of me right now. I did.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, beautiful.

Aimee:
Yes.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah, that’s exactly what you want to hear. Like with Tactical Empathy, people want to be understood.

Aimee:
It was a helpful book.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Okay.

Aimee:
A little slow, but helpful.

Chris Seiter:
A little slow. But yeah.

Aimee:
It was hard to read that one. Yeah. But it was good.

Chris Seiter:
Okay. So we’re missing a big part of the story here. How do you get engaged to this guy?

Aimee:
It was so funny, because as a fearful avoidant, he’s so afraid of confrontation, and I’m not just saying bad confrontation, any, even good stuff, right? So he had this big doctor’s dinner coming up, and you had to be a fiance or a wife to go to it with him. And he asked me to go to the dinner with him, and I’m like, “Okay, well, how’s that going to work?” I’m thinking this in my head. And then it was a couple of days, he hadn’t given me an answer. So I texted him and I’m like, “Hey hun, am I going to this dinner or not?” And he forwards me a text response that he had gotten from the place he works for. And it said, “Yes, you can bring your fiance.” And I was like, “Okay. So the text is calling me his fiance, but he never said that to me.”

Aimee:
So when I met him that night at his house to go to the dinner, I said, “So what about that text, honey?” And he’s like, “Yeah, I have a ring.” This is exactly how he did this. “I have a ring.” And I’m like, “Okay.” So he went and got the ring and he brings it up to me. And he’s like, “Here, you can wear this.” And I’m like, “Okay, is it mine?” And he’s like, “Yeah, it’s yours.” He was so awkward, so awkward. But it was-

Chris Seiter:
It’s really nerve wracking to propose to someone. I’ve luckily only had to do it once, but it was the most nerve wracking experience ever. I knew I was going to get a yes, but it’s still just nerve wracking because it’s the ultimate act of vulnerability. You’re asking someone that you want to dedicate your entire life to them essentially.

Aimee:
Yeah, it was cute.

Chris Seiter:
So it is own brand for a fearful avoidant to have someone else do it for them and-

Aimee:
Yeah, that was funny.

Chris Seiter:
And you’ve only been engaged for nine days now. This is still fresh.

Aimee:
Yes. Very new. And he actually, since that night, said he wanted to do a more formal proposal. So he’s planning a vacation. He won’t tell me where, but he doesn’t think he’s telling me where, but he said Asheville. Oh, come on. We both love to kayak. We love to hike. And we love the wineries. What does that say? The Biltmore Estate.

Chris Seiter:
Oh, okay.

Aimee:
So he’s planning a vacation for us in October.

Chris Seiter:
It’s the engagement vacation, which is awesome.

Aimee:
Yeah. So he’s going to do more formal proposal then, but yeah, that’s good.

Chris Seiter:
What a story.

Aimee:
It is, isn’t it?

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. It made my life easier, because usually I’ll get on these success stories and I’ll notice like, “Okay, this person deviated from the program here, but they still saw success.” And usually afterwards I’m sitting there and trying to understand like, well, why did that work? Well for you, you just followed the directions and got the result, which is awesome.

Aimee:
I did. And I would recommend everyone. And anyone that I talked to on the group, I tell them, I try to encourage them to follow, because that’s what works. There’s a reason for the way things are set up.

Chris Seiter:
Right. We did not come up with it on our own.

Aimee:
Right.

Chris Seiter:
Believe me, if you saw the very first version of the program, it has changed dramatically from what it used to be, because we’re learning more about what works. And what is working is what is out there now.

Aimee:
Yeah. And it definitely does. And I did everything down to the spreadsheets and read the things I was supposed to read, and mirroring, everything.

Chris Seiter:
I love the heart no contact thing. I’m training for a marathon right now, and I have my own version of that, where I check off like, “Okay, I got my run in today.”

Aimee:
Yeah.

Chris Seiter:
And the no contact rule is if you can maybe visualize like, “Hey, there is an end to this thing,” it makes it easier to survive.

Aimee:
It actually was. Something so simple as that, it really helped.

Chris Seiter:
I know.

Aimee:
I looked forward to coloring that heart in every morning. And you don’t know the outcome, but as you progress through those hearts, you can see that change in yourself and in myself. And that encouraged me to move forward. And yeah, I had it easier than a lot of people do, probably, but I think the outcome would have been very different had I natted, had I begged. I don’t see him having come back at all had I done any of that?

Chris Seiter:
Well, it’s interesting because a lot of time, your statement, you think you had it easier than most people. And I would say, no, you didn’t, you were extremely disciplined and you didn’t make any of the fatal mistakes, because a lot of the people that have it hard are making these fatal mistakes in the relationship immediately after the relationship.

Aimee:
Yeah, you’re right actually.

Chris Seiter:
And so sometimes I think that the harsh truth that people don’t want to accept is that there are things you can do that dramatically make your chances just plummet, and you didn’t seem to make any huge mistakes at all.

Aimee:
There was only one mistake I made, and that was on my second reach out. I had gotten mod approval on a text from Kirstie, and I altered it my own. And you know what? That’s the conversation he backed out of.

Chris Seiter:
That woman knows how to text.

Aimee:
That was the one. But that was the one he backed out of.

Chris Seiter:
That woman knows how to text.

Aimee:
So what does that say? I never did it again. But I did make that one mistake, but yes, I was very disciplined. But you know what? If you love yourself and you realize that you deserve better than what’s happening to you, you should be able to stick to this really. It wasn’t that hard for me to.

Chris Seiter:
Looking back at the whole experience, what do you think made the single biggest difference for you?

Aimee:
Improving myself.

Chris Seiter:
Okay.

Aimee:
Getting ahold of my emotions, getting control of my emotions, my battle buddy. Oh my God. My battle buddy. Phenomenal, phenomenal concept, you guys. Actually, she’s my best friend now. We walk together, we do everything together.

Chris Seiter:
I cannot take credit for that at all.

Aimee:
Somebody can. That was great.

Chris Seiter:
Yeah. Well, okay, so basically the self-improvement, having the battle buddy helped a ton as well, probably just to vent and also hear, and maybe was there an element to the battle buddy aspect of like, “Hey, I’m not in this alone because someone else is struggling with the emotions just as much as I am?”

Aimee:
Oh, definitely. Definitely. And someone who understands exactly what you’re going through and exactly where you’re at. It was wonderful. And she didn’t actually get her ex back. She walked away from it. So it was a very different dynamic with her, but we just had each other’s backs. We were able to vent to each other at any time. So using your battle buddy, I can’t recommend that enough, because if you have a desire to break no contact, or you’re feeling low about yourself, or whatever, that’s who you go to. And it just was great. It was great.

Chris Seiter:
Well, hey, I wanted to say, Amy, thank you so much for doing this.

Aimee:
Absolutely. I want to help these other people out there, too.

Chris Seiter:
This was a great success story. It really was.

Aimee:
Thank you. Thank you.