How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Were Clingy

794 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”

Sofie

September 1, 2015 at 10:10 pm

Hi Chris,
I have made every single mistake you have spoken about…. And my ex of 3 weeks blocked me just over 1 week ago through all applications/Facebook. I hurt him by pushing him away and he ended the relationship saying he could not handle my Greif anymore. Where do I stand do you think? Do you think he is just angry and needs time to get rid of his bad thoughts of me or is it over for good…

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:09 am

Did you read my article on blocking?

You might gain some extra insight there.

A

August 13, 2015 at 4:10 am

Chris,

My ex and I have been broken up for almost 2 months now. I’ve followed the no contact rule and your advice on texting. It’s gone really well for the most part, we’re having great conversations (via text) and he sends a reply to every one of my texts and seems sincere – the only thing I’ve been struggling with is that he hasn’t tried to start a conversation with me since the breakup, I always have to reach out to him first. He also almost seems to go out of his way not to ask me to hang out when the conversation goes in that direction. Am I overreacting? Should I take a step back? I was thinking of asking him to lunch soon, but do you think I should wait? I’ve been texting him about every 4 days for 2 weeks or so.

Thanks in advance.
Dee

July 2, 2015 at 11:32 pm

I’m in week three of this break up. I luckily went away for two weeks on vacation to the other side of the world.

Now I came back, I initiated contact, because I had some documents of his and he wanted to give me my things back that I gave him. We met up, and hooked up, all the while saying how wrong this is, we shouldn’t be doing this. Now two days later, I’m stupid and wrote a long note saying how I don’t want things to end this way, we should work on this, we had a future. I then didn’t text and dumbly texted this morning.

Now I know I was clingy and jealous and knew his passwords to fb and other social medias and would creep him .Actually I still do (which I know isn’t healthy). I’m not even sure I want him back, because I miss how comfortable I was with him and being alone scares the shit out of me. He’s on dating sites, looking for hook ups with girls now, as I type this. I don’t know how to handle my emotions other than not being able to eat or sleep, and drinking large amounts of wine to calm my nerves. I feel like there is a death in my life…. I just want him back. Okay, so I DO want him back. I miss the heck out of him. I know I should initiate the no contact rule, but I have this urge that tells me just go ahead text him…. or remember how he used to text me in the morning Hello, or how he would call me on my way to work or when I was driving home. I regret how I treated him or took him for granted now that he isn’t here. I just don’t know what to do.

Charmaine

September 4, 2015 at 8:11 pm

I swear your writing my life. I went even further by flipping out about the little suppose to be platonic friend.

piya

June 26, 2015 at 7:43 am

Chris, i broke up with my bf. all things about being clingy which u listed above i’ve done that in the last year 🙁 we were together for 4 years & we both loved each other a lot. he was the best a guy could be, always gave me love in return no matter what i did however in the 4th year i became so clingy that i cant tell u, i used to feel college’ll get over & i’ll lose him when he’ll meet new ppl. i begged him for a week after the brk up promised him i’ll give him his entire space & never behave clingy, but he was so frustrated he refused to get back to me 🙁 he’s blocked me from all social sites. i am applying no contact & today is the 7th day..plz tell me what shall i do how shall i get him back..his love was true i know that but while breaking up he said he doesnt love me anymore & lost his feelings for me..he said we’ll see if we meet again in life.. i begged him a lot but he refused..i reallt love him n dont wanna lose him..should i continue the no contact or text him saying sorry..plz help me..plz tell me how can i get back to him.. 🙁 please 🙁

Katie

December 8, 2015 at 11:29 pm

I know this was from a while back but this is what I am going through right now he also told me that i will never see or speak to him again, do you mind sharing an update?

Daniel

June 20, 2015 at 6:54 am

Hi there… My ex broke it off because he couldn’t handle my anxiety anymore; the anxiety was expressed through neediness, clinginess, jealousy, mistrust etc. He ultimately felt like he was hurting me too much but “causing” my anxiety and no longer wanted to be in situations were he was always causing me pain, and him getting frustrated and angry by my mistrustful digs and jibes.
He really didn’t want to break up but felt it was best for us both, he has said in time he’d like to “at least” be friends. I’m currently in NC so we can both cool down and I can start to heal and grow. Do you think any change I make will have him possibly want to try again? He felt he wasn’t giving me what I want and I made him unsure he was even doing the relationship thing right. He probably feels he made the right choice.
If there’s no hope I’d like to know now. I pushed and tested our relationship too much. We’re gay but essentially he’s the man and I’m the woman, so the psychology still applies mostly. Thank you.

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:33 pm

Hi Daniel,

I don’t think this is as simple as making one change but if you can make a bunch of little ones it can be amazing what is possible so just take this process one step at a time.

You can do it!

Lisa

June 18, 2015 at 7:53 am

I’ve done all the wrong things
-chased
-begged
-pleaded
-cried……all quite pathetic to be honest =( and i feel highly embarrassed

…I really feel like there is no hope left. I’m sure you have read so many emails but i really hope you can find the time to help me .

So i met this guy and i was really happy with him, i felt i found someone who was really taking things seriously with me for once.
In the beginning i was afraid of getting into anything serious with someone and i had told him that but he insisted that we try because he really liked me (notice i used the past tense 🙁 )

A week or two later he told me that he found out his ex had indeed cheated on him when he was with her and that he was scared and would find it difficult getting close to someone else….
I felt absolutely crushed and angry and upset all at the same time, he then made various other excuses as to why he couldn’t be in a relationship with me and so i just felt like he was trying to find
a quick escape route for some reason which lead me to believe that he used me and had no real intentions of pursuing anything such as a relationship with me.

This lead to a string of arguments between him and I (really bad arguments)
He took it to great offence that i told him he was emotionally unavailable and had baggage amongst other terrible things.

He now NEVER and i mean NEVER wants to hear from me again, I chased and i called and i begged and he even went as far as to say that i’m harassing him.
I never would do this before when things were fine, I just wanted to sort out this issue between him and i and now he 100% hates me.
I tried apologising for some of the things i said and if he has ever picked up the phone he has just shouted in a rage at me “LEAVE ME ALONE” and it’s like he doesn’t want to listen to me even though i feel like i have some right to be upset.

Please help, I just don’t know what to do any more, i spend most of my time upset thinking about this and cannot function at work, the gym.
I really miss him.

Princess

July 11, 2015 at 10:56 am

Hi,

I just wanted to perhaps share a little of my story and hope it will help you.

I also met the love of life 3 years ago and didn’t know it until last October when we started talking. We went out on our first date December. Initially we were on cloud 9. June he broke it off saying he felt I deserve better, I smothered him, etc. I asked him to meet me the next day so we can rehash, which he did. I basically pleaded with him – never did this before for anyone.

I was crushed. The days following our break up I didn’t eat, couldn’t focus at the gym or at work. Lost my drive, energy, started acting out negatively. It became apparent at work, I wasn’t exactly dressing for success. It affected my sleep I would wake up crying excessively in the middle of the night than look at our pics, reread old texts then sleep than repeat.

This went on for weeks. Since I woke up so early and couldn’t sleep I’d get ready to go work (job starts 8) I’d be up at 4AM. I would get ready best I could and go sit near a park he’d have to pass every morning on his way to work. Hoping he’d swing by, see how miserable I am, and we’d be back together. I did this immediately after he ended it, every morning.

Little did I know this reckless habit would turn into a passion. Most mornings I’d take a brisk walk around the park after crying my eyes put reading old cards, texts, email he’d sent me during our relationship.

Totally felt pathetic. But these morning walks turned into rituals of getting my workout as I couldn’t focus at the gym. All the while I was semi healing from the blow of a unwanted breakup.

In turn I am in the best shape of my life, feel rejuvenated, and finally am able to carry on with Life in most ways. I am talking to him little by little each day. I haven’t yet been able to tell him how I see things now from a clear point of view. As I think we still need some time to move in that direction. I noticed his deamour has changed from the day of our breakup. He’s attentive, sweet, caring, he even tries to subtly hint at certain intimate events from our relationship. Which I know is a major sign he misses me and feels the same void.

Im finally able to reflect on why and how the man who adored me let me go. I am coming to terms with this even now. During this time I did implant the no contact rule to an extent after the day when I pleaded with him and he rejected me, with good reason. I became what I always feared. A needy obsessive clingy person who needed Not wanted.

Realizing this took a while for me. To this day my feelings for him haven’t changed a bit. I just gave him his space while taking that time to reflect on myself, our relationship and my love for him. Which I see now is true and genuine. This is important to find for yourself. As this will she’d light on whether you miss him the individual you were with. Or the daily habitual routines that just became part of your life.

Basically I’m telling you that you will miss him greatly, you will feel like the earth shattered, that no one understands what your going thru. That if you beg him and cry your eyes out in front of him that he’ll see you love him. But that’s not going to happen I’m sorry. You need to focus on you, your hobbies, surround yourself with things you love to do, people you need to around. Get your best self out then reflect on what happened. If after that you are where I stand (still in love ) at least you figure out your feelings are legit and he is worth fighting for, even if that fight is against him for him.

Silly

June 7, 2015 at 4:32 pm

8 years ago I got involved with a man who was still living with his baby’s mom. He said it was over and she didn’t want him any more so he was just there for the kids,fast forward I have a child from him who he loves but is still living with her.she says its over now but they were together until I got pregnant. We talk daily but no dates holidays or overnights and he broke up with me because I was envious of others in real relationships, but he will always love me,wtf?
Feeling lost

June 4, 2015 at 12:01 pm

Hi!

Some advice is needed here 🙁
My ex bf and I split up finally this monday after a 6 months relationship. When we started dating he said he was not ready for a relationship, but in a couple of weeks he started wanting to spend every minute with me..he was lovely, sweet, caring, passionate..everything I ever wanted and I lived in a dream for weeks. Then I returned from holidays and he started signalling some stress, for instance he said he missed me a lot – which he proved all along the time time I was off- but he had the feeling he could do his things only when I was away. We agreed to slow things a bit – as he said not to go at the speed of light- but he was still insisting in being with me always..and I wasnt strong enough to remind him of his project, which is finding himself, dedicate time to his interests etc.. Last month he started withdrawing a bit, he was less all over me and in a stressful situation at work – we work closely together btw-. Things started rolling bad because the more I felt he needed space the less I was able to give it to him and turned into a clingy-needy gf..I also had some real problems, and he postponed all his things to take care of me, so caring and loving that is impossible to explain. But still, he decided to call it a quit, saying that he wants to be alone and find himself, take care of his issues – he has bp 2 and a post burn out at work syndrome- and he didnt have the strenght to be in a relationship. Because of this, even if he still feels a lot for me and he cares for me – he said that if I wasn’t the person I am we would have lasted much less- and he is still attracted to me – but not like at the beginning which i also think is normal after the honeymoon phase is gone, but still- but he will learn how not to want me and that the feelings he had at the beginning are being covered by his need of being alone and the magnetism, in a way, is gone.. I totally lost it when he said so, and I ”might’ have begged a bit, and once again he cared for me, slept with me – nothing happened- to make sure i was ok, and told me that we can be friends, because I am the person who makes him smile just because I am part of his life. He took all the blame for the problems, and made clear that it was not me, it was him and his unresolved issues which made us fail (like it happened to all his previous relationships) and does not want to drag me to the hell of his mood swings like he did with his previous gfs..one or two of which ended up in therapy because of this, nor drag things until we hate each other – once again as happened with some of his exes in the past-. He told me that his feelings he had at the beginning might come back and go again – this is part of his illness- but I have the feeling that he is also trying to spare my feelings not pointing out how much i clinged on him…

Now we have talked last time yesterday, we wished each other happy holidays – we both are off work now- and I am wondering now if there is any hope for me to get him back….and I am sure that me not giving space, leaning on him so much, had played a role in this breakup… any advice would be much appreaciated…. thanks!
Alessandra Lampe

May 25, 2015 at 9:56 pm

I was to clingy and needy I feel like he’s looking interest spent the night last night but fell asleep on the couch then he talked about his ex trying to contact him the next day and then took me home I have not contacted him because the night before I secretly went through his phone saw him messaging other woman and seeking advice from a friend saying I’m to clingy what should I do I’m so in love with him I don’t want to loose him HELP ME PLEASE! I have searched all over for answers I’m desperate I will do anything you say no matter how hard he is worth it to me
Anonymous S

May 22, 2015 at 4:33 pm

My ex and I split up about 2 days ago. We had been dating for about 13 months, but officially “together” about 6 months. He has practically been living with me the past 5 months. I will admit, I am an overly affectionate person and I did contact him everyday. I pretty much spoiled him all the time, cooked him dinner, massages, held hands, and he never really did much in return. He was definitely not your typical male, one that is after sex all the time, but always called himself an asshole which he often was because he was sort of narcissistic, doesn’t really do things unless they benefit him in some way. Even though I didn’t receive the same positive attention, I enjoyed giving it. When we broke up the other day, he used the excuse about me being overbearing, said I flirt too much with other men (which I don’t, I’m just sociable, he’s an introvert), and that I need to find someone with span that can give me the attention I desire. Usually when we fight I end up begging him to forgive me the very next day, we usually end up meeting up somehow and we go right back into the same routine. However, it has been two days and I don’t know what to do. I know he sees me as clingy. I want him back, he had a gentleness and the conversation was always awesome between us. We usually play phone games together like words with friends, but other applications. Yesterday, a little over 24 hours since our split had “resigned” from the game we were playing before we got into the fight. He said he wanted to remain friends, so this came as a surprise. Was that his way of sending a message to me because I usually try to contact him after a fight, or am I reading too much into it? Either way, is going no contact the way to go? I have his gaming system that has his Netflix account on it, so I’m assuming he might want that back sometime soon. What should I do, I am in love with him so this is really difficult.

Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 10:02 pm

I deifnitely think it’s the way right now.

SK

May 22, 2015 at 5:45 am

Hi chris, My boyfriend and I were in a very serious relationship for 2.5 years, and suddenly this year I became too clingy and insecure because my college was ending and I was getting scared that He’ll meet new people and forget about me. He is the most loving and faithful man I’ve ever come across, and I don’t know why I failed to see that. So in April he finally said he needs some time off, he needs some space because he feels like he has “lost himself in order to make me feel better everytime” That obviously hit me like a train, and I couldn’t give him the space that he wanted and ended up calling him everyday and texting him and crying about it. which pushed him away further. Now 2 days back, we broke up only because of my desperate behavior. I really want him back because I know HE IS THE ONE. I’m ready to do everything that it requires, he still says he loves and cares for me alot, and he will call me whenever he feels about the situation and about himself. He is just not ready to be with me RIGHT NOW because he’s scared that I will make him feel “trapped” again. How do I change the way he’s thinking and how do I get him back? He still takes my calls and replies to my msgs, But I don’t know if He’ll come back ever. he is also very emotional about the break up. Both of us know we can’t live without each other, so what’s the solution?
Lisa

May 11, 2015 at 11:10 am

HI

My ex been on and off with me for months. One day he all over me, next tells me to delete his number. Thing is Ive never gone no contact with him,Ive always text first and when I said this to him he said he would if I left it. So think Im going to go no noctact, if he contacts he does but right now my head is all over the place 🙁
Esth

May 10, 2015 at 3:00 am

Hey Chris.
Bf and I had an argument and it happened because i pushed him too much. He couldn’t take the pressure and broke off with me. He was hurt and told me that he no longer loves me on the day of the argument. But he also did say that I am the best thing that has happened to him. he also did tell me that he would let me know when he has cooled off. Would a guy who is keen on leaving on say such stuffs? Is there still a chance to get back together with him?
K

May 3, 2015 at 10:56 pm

I’ve been going through a breakup for two months. We kept contact and it proved to be too much. He’s told me to my face that I’ll lose him if The clingyness stops and I’m not giving him the chance to miss me. So now I’ve decided to go the no contact route. Since he’s warned me of what could happen does that mean he still cares enough to let me know that I could lose him and he doesn’t want that. He seen me with a guy and he got incredibly jealous and got mad saying it isn’t. Meanwhile the guy I was with is a friend who’s incredibly innocent and I don’t have any power to be involved with anyone else right now. I’d like some advice on what I should do to keep my mind off him when that’s the only thing I think about. The longest I went not talking to him was 3 days, I went over to his house and he immediately embraced me. So I’m hoping a lot more time than 3 days will help me get my guy back.
Cristina

April 28, 2015 at 4:34 am

Thank you Chris for all these explanations. I totally can relate to it and now it makes sense why my ex was so frustrated with me . Im in a long distance relationship tho, its been one year and a half. He broke up with me because I became the clingy- jealous type of girl and he apologize after I message him like crazy and told me he loved me (this was through text) . However when we talked over the phone a day later he just kept on complaining about me and brought things from the past. I exploded and we got in an argument again and nothing was resolved .. we left things that way and now I don’t even know my relationship status. I went off on txt messages and even 15 min voice recordings 🙁 its so embarrassing / I dont even recognize myself. Anyways so in my last messages i brought up the whole marriage part — because that was a mutual goal of ours .. he used to tell me constantly how much he wanted kids and marry me. He even proposed on NYE.. I havent message and today is DAY 1.. and its be very hard to give him the silent treatment but im sticking to it . anywho just wanted u to know my situation ..
my question is that waiting 21-30 days.. is a lot for a long distance relationship… how long should i wait in my case?
Chase

April 25, 2015 at 12:42 pm

Hello, I have a question about a relationship I was in that just ended. So I just read through this whole article and I’m going to try it but I wanted to know if you think its going to work. Here’s there problem, I was at school crying all day and begging him to give me a second chance and telling him I will give him his space but he said he was no longer interested in me. This relationship was going on for 11 months and I really just wanted to know if you think he will consider taking me back if I actually do these things. I’m just really worried because he said he isn’t interested in me. Sorry if this didn’t make sense.

Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:10 pm

Do his actions back that up?

Do his actions say he isn’t interested in you?

Anonymous A

April 24, 2015 at 5:45 pm

Hey Chris. So me and my ex broke up 6 weeks ago after 6 months together. I went no contact immediately. We ran into each other last week and we couldn’t stop talking to each other, until finally, we hooked up. Then he started treating me like his gf again and started talking about the future and how I was still the one, but he just wanted to live in the present and not define the relationship yet. I jumped the gun though, and had the relationship talk with him last night, which caused him to pull away immediately and say he doesn’t want to date me, and that he doesn’t know if he loves me (even though the day before he said he did), and that he doesn’t know if we should continue this anymore because he wants me to move on now. So I saw him again today, and he said the exact same thing, except that he doesn’t know if we should be friends with benefits for the last 3 weeks till summer either (because then I’m cutting off contact and leaving for 3 weeks) because it’s “inconvenient” for him now, and he’s stressed again……what should I do? Ignore him until he contacts me? Will 3 months of mutual no contact in 3 weeks make him want a relationship again with me, if he just isn’t ready for a relationship right now?

Anonymous A

April 24, 2015 at 5:46 pm

*no contact for 3 months after these 3 weeks together

a

April 23, 2015 at 9:48 pm

do comments post after you approve? It told me duplicate

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:46 pm

No, I have to approve them all manually

A

April 23, 2015 at 9:25 pm

Chris, I created a lot of drama, looked through phone etc, Accused him of still being in love with his ex. He dumped me after I requested he figure out what he wanted. It was a short relationship only 2 months, but talked for 5 months. He stated he only saw me as a friend. I proceeded to beg him and text him mixed feelings , then posted my happiness on Facebook. All my text and calls have been ignored for about two weeks. I mailed his stuff back because I told him I would. He deleted me off Facebook. Haven’t corresponded with him in 4 days I have decided to try to move on but wish he would come back, I found him on Tinder today. Is this a lost cause?

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:46 pm

How much drama did you cause exactly?

Amelia

April 23, 2015 at 8:41 am

So what if I did all the above? We slept together months still after our break up. Then I DID the NC. But he found another girl to have sex within that Month. And as soon as I come back, we start having sex, he tries to be “honest” by saying she is coming the other night, I flipped out, threatened to never speak to him again, so he cancelled her coming over and then gets mad at me! I’m sorry, but playing it cool was not an instinct. To tell me she is on her way to his house and that yes they are just sex, I felt like punching him through the phone! He came over to my place instead, we talked for an hour, and because I felt a lil better, I sent him a text that went on a ratio or 3’to 1, twice! So I sent 6 total texts and be only replied twice. I have hit such a low. He even said “every time I see u , you do something new to push me away.” I can’t afford anymore mistakes!! Plus he broke up with me cuz towards the end this all above is how he described me. He said he will get over it, but to give him a week or 2’of space. 1st question: Can another NC really reverse the damage of not looking like a crazy girl anymore? 2nd question: how and why?

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794 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”