By Janell

Whoa……What’s this?

My ex-boyfriend is asking me to hang out? This week? Really?!

What do I do?

What do I wear?

Are we gonna get back together?

But we’re so early in the texting phase that I don’t know if this is a good idea.

It is a good idea, right?

Yeah, no, it is a good idea.

It is.

But then why am I freaking out?!

Does this sound familiar?

If you’ve been in this situation before, you know that your internal dialogue goes exactly like this – though more or less exaggerated.

And I get it — I totally do! Sometimes when you wish for something and it actually happens, you just start to freak out because you’re not sure what do with your recent stroke of luck. And that’s probably why you’re here, huh?

You got what I like to call the magical text from your ex asking for a day to hang out, and now you’re busy mapping out your next step. Or hopefully, you’re reading this article in anticipation of getting the magical text) or at the very least before you’ve typed in,

“Yeah sure! When?!”

The only reason I’m hoping you’re still calculating your next move is because I don’t want you to jump the gun with this.

In fact, before I even jump into giving you advice about how you should proceed in hanging out with your ex, I want you to consider if you are even ready or not.

And I’m not even talking about if you’ve already planed out:

  • what you’re gonna say
  • what you’re gonna wear
  • which coffee shop to hang out
  • what you’re gonna do

No, girl, I’m not talking about the superficial. What I’m talking about goes beyond that.

You need to ask yourself,

“Am I emotionally ready to hang out with him again?”

If you’ve gone through the EBR process or have already started, you know that even before reaching out to your ex, you need to take care of yourself by focusing on you own personal Holy Trinity.

If you’re not familiar, the Holy Trinity is your

  1. health
  2. wealth
  3. and relationships

Basically, your goal before you get into contact with your ex is to be a better version of who you were before dating him if not the BEST.

I’m not going to get into that because that’s a totally different topic for a totally different article, so all I’m saying is that before you go and hang out with your ex, make sure you’re emotionally ready to accept a different kind of reality than you’re imagining.

Remember to keep your emotions in check and be ready to just “be friends”…for the time being.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

He Wants to Hang Out… As Friends

Let me just say this before we start…

Hanging out with your ex =/= date.

Why is this not really considered a “date”? Well, it’s right there in the subtitle of this section.

Y’all are hanging out as just friends.

Hate to break it to you, babe, but you and your ex are still broken up. Right now, your relationship status is “amicable” at best. While it’s a very good sign of things getting better for you both, nothing happens overnight.

Rebuilding a relationship, just like starting one, takes a lot of time.

In Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, the book outlines a simple 3-date plan to follow in your entire Mock Trial (refer to the EBR Pro book for more information on that.) The 3-date plan includes:

  1. Small date – AKA the “non-date” because you’re going to keep it platonic.
  2. Medium date – AKA a bigger deal than the smaller date because you’re planting more seeds to lead up to the…
  3. Romantic date – AKA The time to ask about getting back together (if that is your M.O.)

You’re obviously going to start at the small date because, like I said, this things take time. In the small date, you’re catching up with your ex face-to-face and rebuilding your friendship again. You really have to separate the idea of this being an actual, legitimate date because it really is going to be platonic. To help you focus on keeping the small date platonic, here is what I suggest:

  1. Think small, but have fun – The idea of this date is to maintain a healthy friendship with your ex, but to also plant seeds of attraction back in his head. The easiest way to do that is to keep the atmosphere of the date fun. If you’re having fun, naturally your ex will, too. And if he ever had his guard up, seeing you have fun and enjoying himself will allow him to relax and enjoy himself, as well.
  2. Location, Location, Location – Just like real estate, location is key in this first meet-up with the ex. You don’t want to pick somewhere too romantic or any place that would stir up emotions the first time around. Pick somewhere neutral where you both can talk for a while to catch up face-to-face.
  3. Keep non-romantic – Keep the conversation light and fun, steer away from heavy “I miss you’s” and the controversial, “Can we get back together?” Save that for another time. Just have fun.
  4. Leave early – Zeigarnik Effect is in full effect here! You’ll want to leave early because your endgame in this first date is to make your ex want to hang out with you again. If you’re both having so much fun throughout this small date, and you decide to bounce early, your ex is gonna a) wonder why, and b) be open to hanging out again because he was genuinely having fun. Choose a good, high point to tell him, “Sorry! I have to go now, but I had a lot of fun! We should this again!” Plant the seed in his head and watch your plan grow into fruition when he says, “Yes! How about next week?”

He Wants To Hang Out… All Of The Time!!

If you relate more to this scenario, you might need to kick things up a notch so things don’t get stale or too platonic between you two.

Upgrade your small date to a medium one. Basically, in this medium date idea, you’re planting more seeds in your ex’s head to get build him up to getting to ask you on an actual romantic date.

To do that, follow these modified “small date” suggestions:

  1. Think bigger, have more fun – Change up the location to change up the vibe and the atmosphere. Remember: HAVE FUN. So go to the amusement park or go bowling. Hell, if you idea of fun is going to an art exhibit, do it! Diversify your location to match what you both like to do to have fun. Every time you hang out with each other, change the setting to keep him (and yourself!) entertained.
  2. Invite a group…or don’t – In EBR Pro, Chris suggests leaving one of the dates by inviting your ex to a group outing. Then, when the date draws closer, conveniently tell your ex that everyone else cancelled and gently encourage your ex to still come out by saying you still want to go. You could do it this way, you sneaky minx…OR…you could really invite your ex and a group of friends for a group date. It can take a load of pressure off your ex, being in a group environment, Also, seeing you in a group setting might elicit your ex to just want to hang out with you and you alone, especially if you’ve been mostly hanging out alone prior to the group outings. He’ll probably be like, “Hey! I like hanging out with all these people, but I miss just hanging out with her.” And lo and behold, a seed is planted.
  3. Leave early – Yes, leave early again. Plant another seed to hang out again.
  4. Touch Strategy – I didn’t mention this in the last section, but you can implement the touch strategy with your ex. Hug him when you greet him, hug him when you leave early. The book suggests hugging for at least 20 seconds, just to get him to get used to your touch again. But I want to remind you not to be hurt if he pulls away before the 20 seconds, or any time you attempt to touch him. Instead, see it as an indicator of how great or bad the date is and you can adjust from there.

He Wants To Hang Out… But He Doesn’t Want To Get Back Together

So…he wants to hang out with you, but he clearly doesn’t want to get back together? This is the part of the article where I put on my Oprah glasses and get really serious with you.

I want to reiterate my hope that you’re reading this article after having gone through the EBR process already – reading the books, implementing No Contact, etc. If you have, you’re in a good place.

If you haven’t, you’re not necessarily in a bad place, but you’re off to a rough start. Here’s why…

Basically, you don’t want to hang out with your ex without giving each other an adequate amount of space between you two.

Remember what I mentioned way earlier about using No Contact to balance out your Holy Trinity?

Well, get that sorted out first before you hang out with him.

You see, if you keep stagnant in your post-breakup process – not making any significant improvements when it comes to the the relationship and also yourself – then it will be harder for your ex to revisit the idea of getting back together.

You basically want to be the kind of a woman we at EBR like to call an “Ungettable Girl” or we shorten it to “UG. ”

An Ungettable Girl has taken her shortcomings from WITHIN the relationship along with any unattractive actions she took AFTER the breakup. You want to be that girl. And as a UG, if your ex isn’t showing any kind of initiative to ask you out on a bigger, more romantic date…then you might have to step up and take the initiative.

On the other hand, though, if no progress is being made at all, then you might have to ask yourself if you’re willing to be just friends with him knowing that nothing will ever happen. If your ex explicitly states that he just want to be friends and/or doesn’t want to get back together, you’ll have to decide if you’re okay with that or if it’s better to cut your losses and move on.

If that’s the case, then make sure you’re a strong-as-hell UG who won’t be too cut up about things turning this way.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

He Wants To Hang Out… After Two Or More Years

So he sends you the magical text but you guys haven’t been together in a long time? Probably feels something like this:

Well, first things first, girl. Start slowly from the beginning. Like waaaaay in the beginning. Let’s face it, two years is a long-ass time and one helluva No Contact period.

Start with texting, then work your way to phone calls before even meeting in person. Because like I said, 2 years is a long time to go without updates and contact. You two could be totally different people by now!

Work your way up the EBR ladder to really achieve success.

If you haven’t been texting your ex, but he just randomly springs the magical text on you, then I would suggest the same for you. Build your friendship up again from the very beginning…

  1. Texting
  2. Phone calls
  3. 3-date plan

I know it sounds tedious, but all great things take time and if you rush into it, you might run the risk of being disappointed. And I don’t want that happening for you.

He Wants To Hang Out… But He Has A Girlfriend

He wants to hang out but he has a girlfriend? Yes, you heard that right. I know what you might be thinking…

Okay, yeah, I agree. I wouldn’t be okay with it either, but hear me out. It could potentially be a good thing that your ex wants to hang out with you even though he has a girlfriend.

What does that even mean?

Why would he want to hang out if he has a new girlfriend?

Because it could mean that he’s putting more value in reconnecting with you than in respecting the relationship he has with his new girlfriend.

I know, I know.

It sounds a little bitchy and manipulative.

But I’m not advising you to take this opportunity to swoop in and steal him back right away. I’m actually going to tell you to do the opposite.

You’re not going to get your man back by hanging out with him and telling him straight up,

“Break up with with your girlfriend.”

He’ll probably end up cutting ties with you and you’ll never hear from him again.

Instead, take this opportunity to be his friend again. I know it sucks and it sounds like the premise to a pre-Reputation Taylor Swift song. But trust me. It’s better to gain his trust as a friend and confidant – someone he can vent to about when he can’t seem to talk to his ex.

Of course, you won’t be able to set up “dates” with him because hello — he does has a girlfriend! But don’t let that stop your glow. Like I said, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. But you also have to keep in mind there are boundaries you need to set – like not implementing the Touch Strategy.

While you can’t do that, you can implement the Being There method.

Being There means you’re already in his presence and on his mind, but you’re not actively trying to get him back. You’re not hinting that maybe he deserves better in his relationship or that he seemed happier before. Uh uh, girl. UG’s don’t play that game. Instead, be the UG you are and flaunt it (for yourself, not for him. It will still plant seeds of attraction in his head.

Look at this case as waiting on the wings during his relationship, then being there for him if it ends.

He Wants to Hang Out… With You AND His New Girlfriend

So, he wants to hang with you, his ex-girlfriend, and bring along his current girlfriend?

If I could add sound effects, it would be of a trombone playing, “Whomp whomp whoooomp.”

I know…initially, it sounds like a crappy deal. But just like the last scenario, it doesn’t have to be.

After all, it means that you’re still in your ex’s life and he sees you as being an important aspect of it. Sure, it’s not in the way you want, but it’s a step.

True, you don’t get to hang out with him alone, but you get to also show that you’re not a threat to your ex’s current girlfriend or their relationship. Being seen as a friend and not a threat is good because you gain trust from the both of them.

If your ultimate endgame in this scenario is to be back together with your ex, I’d advise you do not actively pursue him at all in this case. Do not try to break him and his girlfriend up. If that situation is inevitable in your time hanging out with them, just let it happen naturally. Do not actively pursue him because drama will happen and inevitably they will both see you as a common enemy. This would only strengthen their bond and bring them closer together.

It’s tough, but stay away. Just be a friend. Because when and if a breakup occurs, you won’t be Suspect #1 for the ending of it.

But What Can I Do?!

The big takeaway from this is that patience takes a huge part in moving up in this 3-date plan ladder. It will take some time adjusting from text and phone conversations to an in-person one. If you think about it, it’s like starting a relationship with your ex all over again. And you didn’t do that by jumping in on the first date and telling him,

“Can we be official now?”

Instead, start with smaller, “non-dates” to plant the seeds of attraction and build your rapport. Then, work your way up to the medium dates to get the ball rolling, and eventually land yourself a romantic date and onto the road of relationship repair success.

Just remember that it will take some time and patience on your part, especially in cases where there is another woman or a lot of time has gone by between the two of you.

But also remember that patience is well worth it in the end.

That being said, I want to hear about your situation. In the comments below, tell me:

  1. a little bit about your breakup.
  2. what have you done since the breakup.
  3. and where in the EBR process.

From there our team of EXperts will help you determine where you need to go from here.

What to Read Next

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50 thoughts on “My Ex-Boyfriend Wants to Hang Out”

  1. Avatar

    Laquan

    March 3, 2021 at 9:02 pm

    So me and my Ex have beenbroken up for at least 4 days now. He hasnt blocked me we still talk but its simple only about the rent and debt we owe cause he doesnt want to talk aboit our relationship or go there. He has been hot and cold saying maybe it can work then the second time i bring up our relationship up he says i just want to be single and do better for meself?. I just saw him 2 hours ago and didnt go that bad and he texted me after we hugged and ibwalked away and texted maybe we can meet up later and watch movie. He is just on and off about wanting it to work. And he still ask me for money so he can get his beer and stuff im trying to figure whats on his mind what to do and whats his intentions or should i move on ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 9, 2021 at 10:41 pm

      Hi Laquan, you need to start the program – this means no contact! And you say no to giving him money! Let him see what life is like without you!

  2. Avatar

    Meagan wilson

    October 16, 2020 at 12:34 pm

    My ex and i recently broke up.. He was living here and idk if he really wanted to make us work or didn’t have anywhere to live cause he stayed after i told him to go.. He finally left and told me im toxic he loved me but he wasn’t going to be with me.. For like 2 days i wanted him to come back then i just stopped and did no contact..18 days later he calls me.. I had no idea cause i did block him so he called from another number.. The 1st calls were trying to see what i was up to etc etc then he called a day or two later and asked to come over??? Thankfully i wasn’t home! But i told him id let him know when i was free! Called him one off day and no answer for the whole day! I felt soo down like he was just playing game, reached out again and he replied but i turned him down.. He said let ne know when you’ll be free.. I texted him yesterday morning ans he said ok cool.. Now I’m nervous about being around him again! I still love him and id like to start over but what does he want? I don’t want to feel how i did when he didn’t return my call.. I feel better but i don’t think im ready to see him just yet

  3. Avatar

    Anna

    September 27, 2020 at 12:45 pm

    Hi! So, I contacted my ex after almost 40 days of NC, and his replies were very very positive. He asked me out the same day, saying that we could meet in a couple of weeks (since he won’t be in town before). What should I do?
    I think it’s too soon, and I’m also afraid of falling into the friendzone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 5:41 pm

      It is too soon to get a meet up, but you have two weeks to increase the contact and try to build some rapport with him, then delay the meet up as long as you can – make him fit into your schedule

  4. Avatar

    R M Andrew

    July 31, 2020 at 4:49 am

    Hi, my ex boyfriend and I were together for years and I was the one who called it off about two years ago but we were still in each others lives seeing each like a couple. We are really close and he even has fridge magnets I designed and one with a picture of myself which he wants to keep up even when I asked for it back, but I don’t mind him having them. He just recently started seeing someone from a dating site but not mentioned if he really likes her. The chemistry between him and I is still obviously there and when I asked if we can still hang out he immediately said yes we can and we are going to watch a movie round his soon. We still love each other and he said recently I am stunning, beautiful great body e.t.c we got on great in our relationship although totally opposites but I broke his heart he said and he tried to get back with me two years ago kept asking but I just brushed it off but like I said we just merged again and began seeing each other like a couple again. I do badly want to get back with him and when though he said ‘I can’t give you what your looking for right now’ and how he would get back with me I think deep down he could and would get back with me but is scared I will break his heart again even though I have told him I am ready for proper commitment and no more messing about where I kept pushing him away until eventually he went and I did not want that. Is he confused about me or the situation does he really want me back or not as until recently he was blowing hot and cold with me. He has told me nobody will get between us and if whoever don’t like it then tough. He is always there for me so I don’t understand why we can’t sort things it whether he is seeing someone or not. The attraction is still there for both of us. I used to bombard him texts but cooled it recently with that but still send the odd ones to him. Getting him back will be slow and I hope I do, so hanging out soon I will keep it casual but not sure if I should bring up ‘us’. We are absolutely perfect for each other and our relationship was always calm with no arguing, shouting or anything like that. I need for him to see that I have changed and I have plans for the future which I would love for him to be involved in. I have told I am serious if we did get back and I just want to look forward to the future with him but this recent women is in the way for now so what do I do. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 1:05 pm

      Hey there R, so I question what it is that makes you want him back now when he has told you he can not give you what you want. If he is not looking for the same things in the future then you know it isnt going to work, not only that. Is the feeling you have because he has met someone else? As it sounds you were becoming friends happily. IF you want him back then you are going to have to start following the program, this starts with a No Contact for 45 days and then the being there method too

  5. Avatar

    Joe

    July 5, 2020 at 11:50 am

    My ex broke up with me saying he “loves me but doesn’t trust me”

    I didn’t do anything to break his trust, it was actually his friend who sabotaged the relationship and they are no longer friends.

    My ex and i talk regularly, Good morning and Good night texts etc.

    He’s even opened up to me about some confidential issues that are relatively personal. Regarding Mental Health and Family issues.
    But he hasn’t said or remotely mentioned anything about a relationship again, leaving me confused because he told me he’s ‘not sure’. But from how regularly we talk and he admitted to still “Liking me” and “Caring about me” i think there’s hope but is it false hope?

    Our relationship only lasted a month and it’s been about 2 months now since then.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:30 pm

      Hey Joe I think if they are still speaking with you then there must be some interest, but be sure that you are not being used as a therapist if it is only speaking of difficult times. You need to have some conversations that are about interests of your ex, get some phone calls in there and some meet ups. You need to work the program to get your ex back, because it sounds as if you could be heading for the friend zone if you keep being there for your ex this way.

  6. Avatar

    Lisa

    April 9, 2020 at 6:32 pm

    We broke up just over a month ago, from a six month relationship. He cheated and admitted he was self sabotaging and that he couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone. Capped it off with I want to be friends and nothing more.
    I did no contact but then a tragedy struck and he was there for me, showing up at my house with food three different times, trying to take care of me. I pushed him away and went back into no contact.

    Two weeks later, we started texting. I have been following the value ladder and we are already to sharing opinions and a successful compliment text that got him bringing up good old memories. He has suggested joining me camping and that he wants to meet my new puppy. I have been posting online and he likes every single Facebook post and watches every single instagram story. I even threw in some crazy fun by telling him I couldn’t answer his text cause I was “blowing stuff up”. He couldn’t wait to hear about it (at home physics experiments). I think he even flirted when I mentioned working on tan lines and he said “how, by tanning shirtless in the backyard?”

    But how do I get him to realize that his fears are less than his desire? I am worried that no matter what I do, he is going to continue to side with the part of him that feels he isn’t worth it, doesn’t deserve happiness, and only wants me as a friend. Pressure is the reason for the break up so how do I balance that with nudging him towards being more than friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 17, 2020 at 6:24 pm

      Hi Lisa, so to do that you need to flirt more, and more so that you are drawing him in slowly. It sounds as if you are on the right track though! Good job

  7. Avatar

    S

    February 8, 2020 at 9:52 am

    I dated my ex for 4+ years. We broke up due to distance caused by career changes and general bad timing – I was the one to finally break it off because I could see we weren’t going anywhere. We’ve kept in loose contact since then and have each had long term relationships as well as other relationships.

    I’ve been using a lot of information from this site and recently we’ve reconnected. We are both single. It’s been more than 5 years since we’ve seen each other! And he’s asked me to go on a group outing. He is “the one that got away”. I don’t know what this means – is he interested in possibly getting back together or just being nice/feeling out the situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 4:50 pm

      Hey there as you have been broken up for some time and not seen each other in a really long time. I would go to the group outing and let him lead the situation between you both. I can not tell you if he is interested in you or just being friendly You are going to be able to find that you when you are in his company. Let me know how the meet up goes 🙂

  8. Avatar

    Juh

    February 5, 2020 at 2:55 pm

    My ex and I dated for 11 months . He break up with me because we don’t have a good communication and He told me I love him more than he loves me and also he still love me . He want to be my friend . He text to me something like : “ This made me think of you and everything’s going to be ok or I’ve think of you , I miss you “. I did no contact for 2 days until he text to me : can we talk at some point? .
    I am confuse . After the dinner I think I’ll to do no contact again .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 6, 2020 at 10:14 pm

      Hey Juh you should have ignored the message asking to talk as you were in no contact, and the only reason to break a NC is when they say they want to get back together. So stick to a no contact, dont meet up with him or reply to any messages for at least 30 days and maek sure in that time you are working on yourself

  9. Avatar

    Mandy

    March 7, 2019 at 8:06 pm

    We broke up almost a month ago, for a few reasons. He cheated on me and I didn’t consider his help rebuilding trust as “help,” so I suggested a break. That break quickly turned into a final break when he went to a friendly dinner with the girl he cheated with. Since, he has told me we “want different things/futures” and doesn’t think it’s fair to date and have to compromise. We’ve communicated a bit about it, here and there, with days of silence in between. I am the one to cut the conversations short most of the time, because I don’t want to get too comfortable. He still wants to be friends, and just invited me to visit his mom a couple states away. I’m not sure what he means by this. He’s friendly and wants to keep me around, but “doesn’t want to date” (me or anyone). I’ve tried no contact for a couple weeks, but he is waiting for a response on the visiting mom thing.

  10. Avatar

    A

    February 5, 2019 at 4:07 am

    My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago. We were together for 7 and a half years and have a 3 year old. I have implemented the no contact within reason since we have a child we only talk about our child (school updates on activities for him). He recently texted if i “would like to hangout sometime”. I asked if he was talking about bringing out son for an activity he said just him and I and sometimes our son and how I felt about that. I said I can hang out one time and see how I feel from that and see how it goes from there. He said cool. Then he asked if I want to sleep over at his house with our son. I said I’m not ready for that and he said cool. He haven’t made a plan to hang out yet it’s been a week. I texted and asked if he changed his mind about hanging out he said “when he gets some time.” I want to text and ask for clarification that I should have asked when he first asked.
    What does he want or mean?

  11. Avatar

    Mira

    February 1, 2019 at 1:55 am

    Hey,

    I’m a girl who was dating a girl, so I don’t know how this affects everything. We actually broke up months back, were not able to have a successful no contact period because she kept always coming crying back to me and then leaving me again.. Now we’re not together, haven’t been romantic for about 3 months. She wants to see me today.. Sadly I don’t think I can make the first date quick as adviced as she’s coming from 1h 30min train ride away just to see me :/
    She’s been saying she only wants to be friends. Our breakup originated because of her homophobic surroundings though instead of some big screw up on either side.. so maybe I still have a chance?

  12. Avatar

    J

    January 14, 2019 at 9:37 pm

    My ex wants to hang out, but only if I allow him over to my house first. I don’t think that’s the right way to reconnect after 4 months and told him so. He’s threatening to walk away for good. Seems like he only wants sex to me. I’m just not understanding why he’s so insistent.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 4:28 am

      It seems to me your ex is acting childish and I agree that is not a natural or reasonable way to reconnect after 4 months.If a guy is threatening you, insisting on doing everything his way, then you should have zero tolerance for that behavior.

  13. Avatar

    Sophie

    December 13, 2018 at 5:05 pm

    So my ex boyfriend and I have been over for almost a year. (He broke up with me) We were together for about 3 years it was great till of course the end. Um this whole year has been filled with weird signals. He has actually changed into things that I remember telling him it was an issue (when we were together) such as his anger issues, being on the phone while we were together, or just even listening to me while I’m talking. I don’t know if it’s bad but I rarely reach out to him which make him the first one to initiate a conversation. Though there have been moments where he has tried to invite me over to his family house, but tells me to pretend like everything is cool with him (as if we are still together) …. I always ask him why he hasn’t told his family and his response is always like “there’s never a good time and my aunt will be heart broken” … at times I just want to know why he keeps doing this if he said he doesn’t want to be with me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 14, 2018 at 12:44 am

      Hi Sophie! 3 years is advantage which can play out later as you have some traction together as a couple. So what is the status now with him?

  14. Avatar

    Samantha

    November 12, 2018 at 5:08 am

    My ex and I have been in a relationship for 8years. We broke up a week ago. He told me about his new girlfriend a few days ago after our breakup. He still wants to hangout with me as friends but he doesn’t initiates outings.

    I initiated the first outing yesterday just for coffee. He was actually okay with it but after coffee he initiated to have some drinks at a pub. We went there and had 2 glass of beer. We played games and sang songs. But he wanted to end the day early so we left early and he insisted to send me to the nearest bus stand. He held my hand a few times when crossing the road.

    He did mention there was a movie he watched alone a few days ago and it was really good. He asked if I was interested he would not mind watching it again with me. I am confused by his actions. I know I still love him and would do anything to get him back. But I can’t understand his actions or how he feels about me.

    What do you think of this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 12, 2018 at 11:38 pm

      Hi Samantha!

      So 8 years is good. It speaks to traction which can come around to help you out in the future.

  15. Avatar

    Emma

    October 14, 2018 at 2:21 pm

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 6 months ago.
    He was the one that dumped me. We stayed together for 6 months, and became friends with benefits a few weeks following the break up until we decided to stop but agreed to remain friends.
    The break up was amicable. I have implemented NC… but after a month he contacted me asking to meet up.
    Since then it’s been: meeting up once a month, NC again, meeting again the next month, NC again…
    I strongly suspect he has a girlfriend but he still suggests to meet up. Recently, I was the one initiating conversations until he recently contacted me a few days ago…
    What does it mean?
    Why does he want to hang out if he had a new girlfriend?
    Does he see me as just a friend?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 14, 2018 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Emma!

      Just ask him. Cut to the chase with him explaining that the act is getting to cyclical.

  16. Avatar

    K

    October 3, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Hi. My ex broke up with me 4 months ago saying he still enjoyed spending time with me but didn’t think there was a future. It wasn’t too messy a break up I said I understood his feelings but that I had thought there was a future. After a week of back and forth phone calls and crying (both of us) nd pleading (me) I went I to no contact for 30days. I reached out after and he responded positively and immediately saying he was so glad I reached out as he had wanted to but didn’t want to upset me further. During no contact I joined a gym and yoga class, which I continue with I’ve recently got a new job and am looking at going back to university.
    We have been texting back and forth we met up twice and both times I ended it early saying I had plans (but not specific) it was easy and fun, we had a laugh second time he reached out to hug me twice and said before I left that he missed me.
    This was about 2 weeks ago since he’s been fairly distant with communication even when I try. Yet he asked me to go to the cinema with him?
    What am I doing wrong in not building attraction? How can I get him to commit more time and effort to me? And should I agree to this next meet up at all?
    Please help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:39 am

      HI K!

      Proud of you for all those things you did during NC…keep it up! Just think little steps. Don’t try too hard. Use a little jealousy at times. Grab up one of my books that might help you!

  17. Avatar

    Libby

    October 1, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    Hey! So the situation is: my boyfriend and I were together for 7 months. I broke it off with him, even though I loved him because he was very non-communicative and blew me off one to many times. It was a very amicable split and he asked if we could “still be friends” I said yes of course, but never thought it was a serious thing. I have never contacted him since. We broke up about 2 months ago. For the first month I would respond when he texted me, but then he called me and wanted to have drinks or coffee and I told him I was happy he was doing well with the breakup and appreciated his trying to be friends, but that I needed time and space away from him. He responded by saying “well I’m not happy, but I’m sorry” and did not contact me for over a month. Just today he asked to have coffee, and we did and it was perfectly pleasant and nice. He did a small amount of reminiscing and I think a couple of times wanted to ask if I was dating but stopped himself. I have been working hard on myself since the breakup working out and going out a lot and he mentioned both of those things. So what do you think? Totally platonic or is he still interested?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 2, 2018 at 4:16 am

      Hi Libby!

      Clearly he is interested and perhaps has some lessons learned from the mistakes he made in the past. Go it slow. Makes the next encounter another casual one. Avoid relationship talk. Just try to enjoy so your own feelings can settle in.

  18. Avatar

    Rox

    March 16, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    My situation is a little different. My ex and I were together for 1.5 years. We were very much in love. He broke up with me six months ago because his young son and I weren’t connecting in the way he wanted us to. I took the first three months of the breakup to really work on myself – and felt like a better person who learned a lot and could be the partner and mother figure he was looking for. We started hanging out as a family again on January 1 and it lasted six beautiful weeks. Everything was clicking, connecting. His son even mentioned how nice it all felt. And I felt and looked good. It was wonderful. But then he told me when he broke up with me it was “over” and he was now moving on. He had met someone a few weeks earlier and was “feeling really good about it”. He then asked if we could be friends and still hangout because he loved my daughter and I. I got really upset and said no. Now I haven’t spoken to him in three weeks. Did I mess everything up? Please help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 17, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      Hi Rox
      He left you for somebody else and yet you think you’re the one who messed the relatuonship?

  19. Avatar

    Mary

    December 25, 2017 at 9:38 pm

    Is there a way to get him interested in more than just sex? We had a great conversation last night in which there was a pretty clear emotional connection. I spent christmas alone and he said was sad about it and that the last time we hung out he was hinting that I could spend christmas with him and his family but apparently I didn’t pick up on it. Also his mum was worried about me and I think that made him miss me a little. Is that not a good sign or an indication that he still cares and there may be a chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      If you continue talking to him but not sleeping with him or being sexual and he still pursues you, then that means you have a chance

  20. Avatar

    Curious

    December 22, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    I texted my ex yesterday evening, after 4 weeks of silence. I asked when was the last time he saw an old and shared favorite musician of ours and included a poster of the musicians upcoming show next week. 30 minutes later he replied: “I haven’t seen him in a while. That will be a good show though.” I responded a few minutes later, “Yes, hopefully!”

    I’ve seen that he is still in town and hasn’t reached out. Is his neutral response a game-over?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 5:35 pm

      It was just one text.. you don’t have rapport yet, so, even if it’s neutral, it’s early to say it’s you can’t build it.

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