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Libby
October 1, 2018 at 10:39 pm
Hey! So the situation is: my boyfriend and I were together for 7 months. I broke it off with him, even though I loved him because he was very non-communicative and blew me off one to many times. It was a very amicable split and he asked if we could “still be friends” I said yes of course, but never thought it was a serious thing. I have never contacted him since. We broke up about 2 months ago. For the first month I would respond when he texted me, but then he called me and wanted to have drinks or coffee and I told him I was happy he was doing well with the breakup and appreciated his trying to be friends, but that I needed time and space away from him. He responded by saying “well I’m not happy, but I’m sorry” and did not contact me for over a month. Just today he asked to have coffee, and we did and it was perfectly pleasant and nice. He did a small amount of reminiscing and I think a couple of times wanted to ask if I was dating but stopped himself. I have been working hard on myself since the breakup working out and going out a lot and he mentioned both of those things. So what do you think? Totally platonic or is he still interested?
Chris Seiter
October 2, 2018 at 4:16 am
Hi Libby!
Clearly he is interested and perhaps has some lessons learned from the mistakes he made in the past. Go it slow. Makes the next encounter another casual one. Avoid relationship talk. Just try to enjoy so your own feelings can settle in.
Rox
March 16, 2018 at 6:14 pm
My situation is a little different. My ex and I were together for 1.5 years. We were very much in love. He broke up with me six months ago because his young son and I weren’t connecting in the way he wanted us to. I took the first three months of the breakup to really work on myself – and felt like a better person who learned a lot and could be the partner and mother figure he was looking for. We started hanging out as a family again on January 1 and it lasted six beautiful weeks. Everything was clicking, connecting. His son even mentioned how nice it all felt. And I felt and looked good. It was wonderful. But then he told me when he broke up with me it was “over” and he was now moving on. He had met someone a few weeks earlier and was “feeling really good about it”. He then asked if we could be friends and still hangout because he loved my daughter and I. I got really upset and said no. Now I haven’t spoken to him in three weeks. Did I mess everything up? Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2018 at 4:19 pm
Hi Rox
He left you for somebody else and yet you think you’re the one who messed the relatuonship?
Mary
December 25, 2017 at 9:38 pm
Is there a way to get him interested in more than just sex? We had a great conversation last night in which there was a pretty clear emotional connection. I spent christmas alone and he said was sad about it and that the last time we hung out he was hinting that I could spend christmas with him and his family but apparently I didn’t pick up on it. Also his mum was worried about me and I think that made him miss me a little. Is that not a good sign or an indication that he still cares and there may be a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2017 at 9:52 pm
If you continue talking to him but not sleeping with him or being sexual and he still pursues you, then that means you have a chance
Curious
December 22, 2017 at 5:06 pm
I texted my ex yesterday evening, after 4 weeks of silence. I asked when was the last time he saw an old and shared favorite musician of ours and included a poster of the musicians upcoming show next week. 30 minutes later he replied: “I haven’t seen him in a while. That will be a good show though.” I responded a few minutes later, “Yes, hopefully!”
I’ve seen that he is still in town and hasn’t reached out. Is his neutral response a game-over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 25, 2017 at 5:35 pm
It was just one text.. you don’t have rapport yet, so, even if it’s neutral, it’s early to say it’s you can’t build it.
Mary
December 21, 2017 at 2:11 pm
Hi,
I’m just wondering why you think I should move on from him? I get the sense he still has feelings for me so I’m a bit confused. I have taken your advice and stopped talking to him but since then he keeps snapchatting me. Do you think it’s still an indication that moving on would be best?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 25, 2017 at 6:39 pm
because it looks more probably that he just wants to sleep with you..
Curious
December 21, 2017 at 3:29 am
Ok, thank you. Just sent him a funny comment about an upcoming show for a musician we’d gone to see WAY back when.
Curious
December 19, 2017 at 10:23 pm
Ok, either he knows I’m interested or not enough rapport…
The last time we texted (I asked if he’d still want to get together earlier) was on 11/22, so it’s been 4 weeks and nothing from him. Should I wait another 2 weeks?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 9:28 pm
Oh, then, no need, you can initiate today.
Chanel
December 19, 2017 at 2:29 am
This is going to be a little erroneous.
My ex that I dated for 6-9 months and I will have been broken up for two years this coming February. Over this time period I did a month of no-contact, which seemed to work at first, but then I completely caved and we became regular friends with benefits who still spent most of our time together. Since our breakup, we have been camping together where we shared a tent multiple times, traveling on two different large trips alone, wedding dates out of state, been to concerts for our favorite bands together, worked on some projects, stayed at his parents’ house together and I helped him move. Basically, he has had his cake and eaten it, too.
I ended up moving out of our city a year ago for school, where we still kept in contact regularly, and hung out often, with intimacy involved even when I returned to our town for the summer for work. I moved away again, and before I moved he has been distant from being busy, but has since started to talk to me less. I still want to be together, and I think he suspects this and apparently does not want it. When I try to begin no contact, he sort of GNATs me within hours of my not responding to a message he has sent. We still talk every day, even if it is small, but have not been intimate in a month due to distance and schedule (which is fine because I know it hurts my chances).
Because we are not actually together, I have also been spending time with a different ex boyfriend (I dated before the ex I want to get back) who he dislikes, but is a good friend of mine and is a platonic relationship. When he sees I am with him, he tries to contact me more often but doesn’t seem to know what to say.
I’m pretty confused on what step to take, since the ex-bf I am trying to get back together with interest in me seems to be dwindling with the commotion of the holidays and how busy we both are. We are both number one on each other’s snapchat friends, and he likes to keep a streak going with me. I believe we have “good” rapport, we hang out alone or with friends and he’s still attracted to me but seems to not want to have feelings for me again. It’s more friendly and distant now if anything, and it doesn’t help that he seems to be self-centered because the last time we got drinks he talked about himself most for most of our time together before asking about me and the car accident I was recently in.
Should I try No-Contact again, since he has not been initiating contact as it is? I have been doing great in my work and school, and he’s aware of this, changed my appearance positively for myself, to which he has responded positively (as well as many others). I am not quite a UG, but am doing a lot for myself including being financially stable and planning to go to Europe by myself this spring, which he seems to find “impressive”.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 8:34 pm
Hi Chanel,
Yup you should because even if you didn’t sleep with him for a month now, he still probably thinks you’re his friend with benefits because you’re just not sleeping with him because of the distance.. so, follow this one:
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship
Mary
December 16, 2017 at 2:09 pm
It’s worth noting that I found out he’s been talking to another ex quite a bit recently since she moved to town.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 19, 2017 at 6:52 pm
HI Mary,
For me you should move on from him… that means you don’t have to say anything because you’re not going to talk to him anymore.
Curious
December 16, 2017 at 3:36 am
Well I thought by him texting, asking me to meet him, and then immediately following up via text after dropping me and suggesting we meet earlier for more fun meant that we’d launch into building rapport.
I’m really discouraged that’s not the case and he still hasn’t initiated any texts although he does reply.
I’ve driven by his home and see that he’s been in town for a bit and will likely go back to work before Christmas and likely through NYE.
Do you think he’s still interested in me? I’m not sure I should keep initiating texts after these last 2 rounds and I was running the EBR process way back when (and it would work but then I’d get too emotional, a few times) so not sure it’d be different.
I’m definitely busy running a new company I built and focusing on building my new life. I was so excited to hear from him I’m just scared to go back to my needy and emotionally dependable place.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 19, 2017 at 6:54 pm
it either means he knows you’re still interested in him or there’s not enough rapport yet.. this time, let him initiate.. wait for two weeks.. if he doesn’t, you can.
Mary
December 16, 2017 at 12:45 am
Hi Amor,
I have been broken up with my ex for a year. We were together for 2 years but he broke up with me when he decided he had lost attraction. After 6 months I follow the ex boyfriend recovery program and he seemed interested for a little while but then fell off the track so I walked away. After walking away he contacted me quite a bit. Recently I have started talking to him again. We have met up twice now, and kissed on both occasions. However the second time we met up he started to get handsy and wanted to sleep together, I removed his hand so he would get the point. At that point it had gotten late so he said he’d drive me home. He kept talking about how badly he wanted to sleep with me and when I left I told him I wanted to sleep with him as well but it feels bad to be kicked out afterwards. He said he understood and I walked away with a sad look after realising he only wanted to use me. Should I go into a mini no-contact for 15 days? Or would it be better to text him and say ‘I had a nice time but dont sleep with people unless Im in a relationship but it would be nice to see each other again’?
Curuous
December 14, 2017 at 5:53 am
My (previously) LDR ex from 2013 and I flirted heavily via text throughout 2014 before messing up and having him tell me “it’s not meant to be” in 2015.
After 2 yrs of silence while living in the same city he reached out 10-22-17, the same old flirting and eventually suggested we meet. I met him and we had a nice time catching up, filling each other in on interesting stories, and finally he called it a night. He dropped me off at home and I gave him a big hug. He then texted me immediately after driving off saying it was fun and that we should do it again but earlier in the day to have more fun. I agreed and then he launched into a texting conversation and I complied.
I then said, “So did I turn you onto a new beer?” And he said, “yes you did!” And included an inside joke back from our heavy texting days that references intimacy. He then said he’d miss-read my text and that there was too much sexual tension between us (and he LOL’d embarrassingly). It was late and I was slow to respond and also not quite sure where to go from there because it’s been so long and I wasn’t getting sexual vibes from him at all when I’d seen him. He was so quiet and I was doing most of the talking.
So after that exchange, which ended neutrally, 1.5 week passed and I texted a one liner, he responded in 15 minutes and we had a nice but brief exchange. He was responding pretty quickly.
Then another 1.5 week passed and I texted again, same deal. I then asked if he did want to go out earlier and he replied that he was working (he works off shore for multiple weeks at a time). I said “ok, jus checking in” and that was 3 weeks ago today.
I’ve seen his car around town so I know he’s around.
What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2017 at 3:59 pm
Hi Curious,
Sorry, just to be clear, think about the situation? Do you want to know if you can still build rapport? If that’s it, yes, but take it slow.. don’t ask to go out yet, because you don’t have rapport yet.