Today we’re going to talk about if it’s a good sign that your ex is responding to your texts.
The answer is pretty simple, as a general rule of thumb if your ex is responding to your texts it is a good sign. However, just because they are responding doesn’t necessarily mean they want you back.
That’s where things get rather complicated. So, to clear up the complication I figured we could do a deep dive into the art of texting and have an open discussion on what an interested ex texting you generally looks like.
So, here’s what I’d like to cover.
- A Look At The Three Possible Responses
- The 50/50 Rule
- Is Tide Theory Present?
A Look At The Three Possible Responses
So, the obvious first place to start if you are trying to figure out if an ex responding to your texts is a good sign is by simply looking at the how they are responding when they actually do respond.
Sounds pretty basic, right?
Well, sometimes going back to the basics is the most insightful thing you can do.
Technically there are only three possible “text responses” you can get when you text an ex.
I talk about these responses, as well as the dreaded no response, in depth in my texting guide so I encourage you to check that out if you haven’t already.
Nevertheless, I’ll give you a quick crash course.
The Positive Response: Considered to be any type of response where your ex seems engaged. Where they want to continue the conversation.
Here’s an example of what that looks from a real ex (taken from our private Facebook support group,)
This client used our typical damsel in distress (in a very clever way I might add.) Essentially though she asked for her exes advice on a “security issue.” To which her ex send a link to a specific camera. Now, if the interaction would have stopped there I would have considered it a neutral interaction.
However, he goes through this whole explanation of how there isn’t a membership plan and how you can access them via your phone.
This shows interest in her problem.
Therefore it’s a positive response.
The Negative Response: Any type of interaction where your ex is rude or “snarky” to you. Sometimes they can even go as far as to tell you to stop talking to them.
Here’s a perfect example of this,
Not good. I specifically chose one that wasn’t too mean but poking around in our private facebook group I realized that a lot of exes are quite rude.
And then of course you have the neutral response.
Neutral Response: A type of interaction where your ex responds but it’s impossible to tell if they are interested or not. Generally one word text messages are common here.
Once again pulling from our facebook group,
This is probably the best example out of the three I’ve shown. Look how our client is constantly trying to engage with the ex here but he’s just not giving her any in.
He’s answering her questions but they aren’t invested.
He’s just direct. Keeping it strictly business.
So, what’s the moral of the story here?
Well, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that if an ex is responding to your texts in a positive way then that is usually a good sign. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean they want you back.
Usually what you are looking for with texting are consistent patterns that build in a positive way.
So, what are some of the other markings of a them responding to your texts being a good sign?
The 50/50 Split
Take a look at this graphic,
This is known as the texting ratio and it can be a telling thing to look at in order to determine your exes investment into a conversation.
The way it works is simple.
For every one text you send you want your ex to send one text of their own.
That’s the goal we always shoot for.
However, sometimes for every one text you send they aren’t sending one of their own or the opposite can be true. For every one text you send they could send two or three of their own.
This may seem like a ridiculous thing to keep track of but you’d be surprised at how telling it is to an exes state of mind. In fact, many of our clients chart it themselves.
This was taken from a client in our private facebook group who charted every texting interaction she had with her ex. Look at the detail she went into.
- Texts by her
- Texts by him
- Total texts in the exchange
- Conversation medium
- Images sent
All of this seemingly insignificant stuff matters when you have a birds eye view and really that’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned since I’ve started this site.
The more data you have to work with the better it is.
Now, there will be some purists who argue that you should let things unfold naturally and that charting your conversations like this isn’t “love.”
My argument would be that without charting you can’t really look and see if “Tide Theory” is working.
Is Tide Theory Present?
So, Tide Theory is a concept I came up with at the very beginning of this sites history and it’s the one strategy that hasn’t really changed throughout our decade of operation.
What is it?
Well, let’s first go to the origin of the name.
Have you ever been at a beach during low tide to high tide?
Let’s show you the extremes first in a visual way,
If one were to watch how the ocean tide goes from low to high tide it would be such an incremental process happening so subtly that you wouldn’t really be aware of it.
We are sort of hoping for a similar process to unfold as you text your ex.
- Slowly but surely the frequency of texts increases
- Slwoly but surely the intensity of topics grow more serious
- Until finally your ex wants to see you in person
This is the goal.
Compounding in the stock market works in a similar way.
Let’s actually use the graphic above of my client who charted things and take a look and see if she’s seeing a tide theory effect.
So, all we care about is this part of her chart,
So, I’m going to save you a bunch of work and actually put this in a line graph.
So, the first thing I am charting here is how long the conversations are going for. Notice how the highs are getting higher.
But like the tide. It goes out and then comes back in.
This is a good sign.
The second thing I’d like to look at is how many days is passing in between these conversations.
- 1 day
- 3 days
- 2 days
- 1 day
- 1 day
- 1 day
- 1 day
- 1 day
- 4 days
- 1 days
- 1 day
- 2 days
- 3 days
- 5 days
- 1 day
What we are looking for here is more frequency in conversations and we can certainly see that happening. Look at that string of one days in the middle there.
But interestingly it appears that at the end of the chart more time is going by before they talk again.
This also happens to be when she seems to be having the longest conversations with her ex so I think it’s a bit of the avoidant aspect coming out and her giving him time which is good.
Here’s my point. Charting things gives you access to patterns. You can see how you are doing. You can correct mistakes.
You can give your ex some space to allow that tide to come out and then go back in.
The chart is king.
And with enough positive developments you will be able to tell for sure if them responding to you is a good sign.