By Chris Seiter

Published on April 30th, 2023

Have you ever experienced paranoia and unease when a guy goes a whole day without talking to you?

If so, then you definitely came to the right place.

I’m going to divide this in-depth guide into two distinct parts,

  1. I’m going to help you understand his behavior (or answer why he isn’t talking to you)
  2. I will show you what you can do if you find yourself in this situation.

But first, let’s explore the easy stuff, understanding his behavior.

  • He is worried or upset.
  • He has personal issues to deal with.
  • He prefers to be alone.
  • He has a busy schedule.
  • He might be testing you.
  • He tends to forget things.
  • He has different priorities.
  • He has other communication preferences.

So, hold on to your britches as we go away. . . into the mysterious ways of men!

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Reasons Why He Can Go All Day Without Talking To You.

While going a few days without speaking to each other might not necessarily be a big deal, it still depends on the reasons behind it.

So, let’s see this phenomenon and figure out what it may or may not mean for you.

And, before you think of answers everywhere, here are the reasons.

He is worried or upset.

It can be challenging when the person you’re interested in suddenly goes radio silent.

It’s natural to feel worried or concerned about what’s going on. One possible explanation is that the guy ignoring you is dealing with intense emotions and needs time and space to process and manage them.

It could be about work stress, family issues, or even something going on in your ‘relationship’ that he needs to sort out independently.

Here are some common examples we’ve found amongst our clients here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

  • He doesn’t feel you trusted him enough?
  • He thinks you don’t believe his ideas are valid?
  • He thinks you don’t appreciate him?

I understand that it may be frustrating, but it’s important to respect their need for space and not take it personally.

A saying that you often hear our founder Chris Seiter spouting off in videos is,

When they pull back, you pull back.

Remember, people deal with emotions differently, and some may choose to withdraw or isolate themselves when they’re upset or stressed. So, give them some time, and when they’re ready, they’ll reach out.

Speaking of being ready, did he share some personal dilemmas he’s going through?

He has personal issues to deal with.

Isn’t it tough when he’s all over you one day and then disappears the next day?

But before you get up in arms about it, it’s important to remember that people go through personal issues that can affect their communication with others.

He may be dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, insecurities, or family problems, and he might withdraw or avoid communication.

For example, losing a job can make someone feel like a failure and lead them to withdraw from others.

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This concept is very similar to the interconnectedness concept we teach with the holy trinity,

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

When one is affected negatively, the others are as well.

Your guy losing a job is the catalyst for a depression that causes him to neglect his health. He gains 20 lbs which causes him to go into an even deeper depression. He stops going out with friends and wants nothing to do with you.

It’s all connected.

He prefers to be alone.

Some men love independence.

In fact, here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we call these men “avoidants.”

It’s obviously more complicated than just labeling someone who values independence as an avoidant. However, if reliance on independence is a consistent theme that keeps cropping up for them, then it’s likely you are dealing with an avoidant.

For a guy like this, it’s that magical place where he can feel secure with himself. He won’t have to trouble others with his personal issues,

  • such as academic troubles
  • career problems
  • even mental health concerns

He might even think the best thing to do is keep you away from his troubles. You know, the handle-it-himself approach.

Or he might worry that you’ll see him as undesirable if you see him in one of his most fragile moments?

So for him, giving in to his dismissive-avoidant side is what comes naturally.

Some of the thoughts that he might have while enjoying his independence are;

“Finally, it’s just me again. I don’t have the pressure of worrying about someone else.”

“I’ll just have to worry about myself.”

He has a busy schedule.

In the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, we have this concept called “UG hours.”

We want our clients to look busy when they are likely busy if they live an active life.

This reason is similar to that.

So, let’s say you are calling him all day, but he’s not answering?

One potential reason is that he may be distracted by the back-to-back meetings, appointments, and deadlines that require his full attention and focus throughout the day.

It mainly means that he has a busy schedule which can be challenging to find time to do everything he wants, including spending time with you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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As a result, he may not have the opportunity to check in with you.

Some people can make their busy schedule a reason not to talk to you anymore because he’s not just into you as much as you are into him.

He might be testing you.

A man may want to see how much you’ll reach out to him or how much you’ll miss him if he doesn’t initiate contact.

And yes, men DO THIS!

He may try to gauge your interest in him or see if you’re overly dependent on constant communication.

He may also be trying to see if you can handle being independent and have a life outside the relationship. By not talking to you, he may be trying to see if you’ll become upset or clingy or if you’ll be able to handle the space and time apart.

On the other hand, he may have an anxious attachment style and use silence to seek reassurance and validation from you; that’s why he’s testing to see if you will provide him with the comfort and support he needs.

And yes, men DO THIS TOO.

But this brings up a more pressing question. Should you be worried if a guy starts doing this to you?

Researchers have identified certain behaviors, such as testing your loyalty, monitoring your actions, or using emotional manipulation to control power over someone, as red flags.

So run!

He tends to forget things and is absent-minded.

Have you ever put a pencil behind your ear, and the next thing you know, you’re looking around your desk for where you put the thing?

This kind of forgetfulness is something he may have. His absent-mindedness can cause him to forget to reach out or respond to messages or calls.

Maybe he is stressed, sleep-deprived, or gets caught up in his thoughts or tasks and must remember to check his phone or make time for social interactions.

I can relate to feeling forgetful or absent-minded when I am stressed or need more sleep.

I have noticed that specific health concerns, such as chronic pain and ADHD, can make it difficult to focus and stay organized, leading to forgetfulness and a tendency to lose things.

For example, when I submitted my outline for this article to our founder Chris Seiter, he had this to say,

“My daughter, who I believe has ADHD, will often go to our kitchen and leave all the drawers open without closing them. It’s not that she doesn’t know how to do it; she’s forgetful because of the many different thoughts competing for her attention.”

In the case of your guy, keeping track of their daily responsibilities and obligations takes time and effort. As a result, they may need to reach out or respond to messages throughout the day.

He has different priorities.

Different priorities can significantly affect communication as they influence what people consider necessary, how they spend their time, and what they are willing to discuss.

For example, while we are mostly known for our work on breakups one thing we see our clients struggling with in relationships is that their guy will say something along the lines of,

“I’m too stressed out about work right now…”

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Thus, his number one priority is work. To him, he probably has limited time and energy to spend or communicate with you.

We’ve also seen this excuse with hobbies, believe it or not.

He may focus on exploring and pursuing activities in his free time which quickly take over his life.

I was listening to one of Chris’ interviews with a success story last week,

Success Story: A Deep Look At An On Again/Off Again Relationship

And the woman, even though she got her ex back, was citing that her boyfriend would lose himself in painting. For weeks at a time, she would take a back seat to what he was working on, and only when he was finished would she get his undivided attention again.

He has differing communication preferences.

Communication allows people to share their ideas, emotions, and needs, which fosters mutual understanding and emotional connection.

Call vs. Text?

Action vs. Words?

Everyone has unique communication preferences. Off the top of my head, here are the many different “ways” we communicate.

  • He may not feel uncomfortable communicating frequently, as he may prefer to spend time with you personally or may have a more introverted personality.
  • He may prefer calling as a form of communication, as it conveys more nuance and emotion in the conversation. We might as well call it ‘brave communication,’ as it makes people courageous to speak words when in fact, they’ll be nervous saying them face-to-face.
  • He may prefer talking to you personally, as he values physical presence and touch. They say this is an intimate communication for people who are in love.
  • He may prefer to express his feelings and communicate through actions rather than words. It can include doing things like cooking a meal, buying a thoughtful gift, or simply spending quality time together.

Dr. John Gottman emphasizes the importance of three key communication skills: expressing fondness and admiration, showing interest, and validating emotions. Source:

He also recommends following “one rule for intimate conversation”

Understanding must precede advice.

The best way to communicate with someone is to first empathize with their worldview. They are much more likely to open up to you if you have a vast understanding of them.

This is further backed up by Chris Voss’ research on Tactical Empathy which he talks in-depth about in this video,

4 Things To Do If He Can Go All Day Without Talking To You

I will level with you; it sucks to be in a situation where you feel like you are getting the cold shoulder from a guy you like or love.

Yet, I don’t want you to mope around and wait for him to come around to you. In this section, I’ve listed things you can do if a guy goes without talking to you all day.

You might like the first one if you’re good with emotions.

Thing #1: Employ Tactical Empathy

Remember that bit above where I was talking about tactical empathy?

Well, we are going to put it to use here.

Employing tactical empathy involves understanding someone’s perspective and feelings while maintaining your perspective and boundaries.

It allows you to communicate and connect with him in a way that helps build rapport and trust.

For example, if he has been distant and not talking to you, you could use tactical empathy by putting yourself in his shoes and trying to understand his perspective.

Maybe he’s dealing with something stressful at work or in his personal life. Instead of getting upset or demanding his attention, you could approach him with empathy and acknowledge the WHY of his silence.

Going back to what John Gottman said about communication,

Understanding must precede advice.

SHOW him that you understand why he’s being quiet before bringing up what you want (for him to STOP being so quiet.)

Here’s an hour-and-a-half-long talk of Chris Voss about how to use tactical empathy.

Employ tactical empathy and let the timing work for you!

Thing #2: Timing

Would you love to talk to someone when they are in a bad mood?

Definitely, not!

“Timing is everything.”

So, let’s have some fun and say that in an attempt to fix whatever communication or closeness issues you are having you come up with the following game plan,

  • Going on a date once a week.
  • Take turns planning something you want to do, alternatively.
  • Set a dedicated time to talk and connect each day.
  • Get to know each other.
  • If you both can, take a trip or vacation together.

Sounds great in practice, right?

But when is the best time to talk about doing these things?

Most people pick the wrong time to bring these up. They bring them up when their partner is highly anxious or angry.

Instead, it’s almost always better to bring these suggestions up when they are euphoric.

Thing #3: Communication

He may have a passive communication style, so it may be helpful to approach him and express your concerns using tactical empathy or an assertive communication style, allowing you to express yourself clearly and confidently while respecting his needs and opinions.

Remember to use “I” rather than “You.” For example, you may say, “I feel hurt when we don’t talk for long periods.” You can also ask open-ended questions to encourage him to express his ideas and emotions, “I feel concerned that we haven’t been talking much recently. Can you share with me if everything is alright?”

And I recommend using the 7-38-55, a rule made by Albert Mehrabian, 7% of communication is the words you say, 38% is the tonality you deliver, and 55% is your body language.

If you want your message communicated effectively, then it’s best to have this conversation in person or, if that’s impossible, over video chat.

You want the guy to be able to see AND hear you.

Thing #4: Spend More One-on-One Time Together

Investing in one-on-one time together is a great way to add a touch of romance to your relationship. It allows you to strengthen your bond and deepen your connection and creates opportunities to engage in meaningful conversations and create cherished memories.

Remember to mark your calendars and plan some fun activities you can enjoy as a couple. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, a picnic, a movie night, or a hike, the possibilities are endless. Impress each other with your thoughtful planning and enjoy the experience together.

By consciously prioritizing one-on-one time, you can demonstrate to your partner that you value and care about them, even if they don’t always express their need for connection. So prioritize spending quality time together, and you’ll be paving the way for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Cheesy as it may sound, it’s a fact!


In conclusion, there are various reasons why a guy might go all day without talking to you.

  • It could be because he is worried or upset
  • dealing with personal issues
  • prefers independence
  • has a busy schedule
  • testing you
  • tends to forget things
  • has different priorities
  • or has other communication preferences.

It’s essential not to take it personally and to respect their need for space.

People deal with emotions differently, and some may choose to withdraw or isolate themselves when they’re upset or stressed.

If you find yourself in this situation, give them some time; when they’re ready, they’ll reach out. However, if this behavior persists, it may be time to evaluate whether the relationship is healthy and worth investing your time and energy into.

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