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402 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Back But He Won’t Talk To Me”

  1. Lisa

    April 10, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I don’t believe my posts went through bc I don’t see them pending . The text I sent him was essentially me reaching out after 3 weeks of NC . Recognizing / taking responsibility for what I thought contributed to us breaking up. Just being a bit more needy, negative, bickering and recognizing it was temporary but it fair and that I vow not to make same mistakes in future. I know I know but I got it from a different website before I found. Yours 🙁 so two weeks have gone by and then last night I got a text from him and I feel like it’s a lost cause . Please advise me on what to do- does this seem like it’s highly impossible now? Text from him:

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 11:15 pm

      I would be best not to publish the text of his message here. But my sense is that however this shakes out, you are going to be fine. He seems to want to end things in a positive way. So it might be best to go forward in a spirit of cooperation. Show him how positive and mature you can deal with this whole situation. This keeps your options open. Who really knows the future. Focus on your needs and being the best version of yourself. If half of things he said about are true(and I am sure they are), then you are an amazing person and he may someday come to regret his choices.

    2. Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 10:40 pm

      It appears he wants to conclude things. But men, must like anyone else, sometimes don’t know what they want. Just employ a “kind” and “calm” disposition and keep your options if he choose to revisit. He might be expecting someone who is needy or even desperate or someone who is gloomy and sad. Don’t give him any of those people. Be the best version of yourself as you move forward. And remember, however this works out in the long run, you are a very special person if even half of the things he said are true and some day he may truly regret not exploring reconciliation.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 10:40 pm

      It appears he wants to conclude things. But men, must like anyone else, sometimes don’t know what they want. Just employ a “kind” and “calm” disposition and keep your options if he choose to revisit. He might be expecting someone who is needy or even desperate or someone who is gloomy and sad. Don’t give him any of those people. Be the best version of yourself as you move forward. And remember, however this works out in the long run, you are a very special person if even half of the things he said are true and some day he may truly regret not exploring reconciliation.

    4. Lisa

      April 11, 2018 at 1:30 am

      How would you suggest the meet-up go? I know that I’ve read you aren’t to bring up the relationship but how is that possible to avoid the conversation? He mentioned dinner … is that weird as well? Why wouldn’t he just send my things which essentially is a cheap pair of sunglasses and a cheap blow dryer haha

    5. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 2:42 am

      Nope. Dinner sounds tasty! Just relax and have fun. If he brings up the relationship…like he wants to talk about it…just say lets just have a great time and talk about that some other time. My guess is he is either feeling you out or he is looking for closure. But sometimes, closure is not closure. Either way, just enjoy the evening and if he brings up the stuff, tell him he can throw it out or gift it to charity. Make a joke about it. Put your best foot forward and accept what comes. There is always another day…then another…then another for all sorts of things to happen.

    6. Lisa

      April 11, 2018 at 4:09 am

      Considering you are a guy haha I can get why it would prob be easier to not bring the conversation up but after everything that happened … supposed to move in apartment together in his city, got a NP job there I had to turn down bc break-up, etc the seriousness of what I thought our relationship was …when do I get to tell him how that hurt ? Or to figure out why he did what he did ? Also, along with this -how do I reply where it’s cool, calm, collected etc? Thank you !

    7. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 4:31 am

      Hey Lisa…guilt as charged! Leave any negative out of any of the future interactions for now. Those feelings are real and he should know, but I am thinking that is further down the road. Knowing why men and women do what they do is a mystery oftentimes. You know… just play it cool…slow movements…slow tone of voice. He will unconsciously mirror you.

    8. Lisa

      April 11, 2018 at 4:57 am

      That’s why they made that book men are from mars women are from Venus ! Haha. Well thank you for such good advice , it’s no wonder so many people reach out to you. It’s no fun trying to decipher text messages from someone you knew so well before! Btw My friend just but EXB PRO premium and LOVES IT! Last question for now, I’ve completely put off replying to his text about dinner / returning things/ remain as friends bc I don’t know how to! Is this a time to be a little flirty or just short or ? How does a “cool relaxed I’m not going to bring up relationship” type of girl reply ?

    9. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:55 pm

      Hey there Lisa! Yeps, we are all different species! Not too flirty. Just pleasant.

  2. Zzz

    April 9, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    Hey there! So I did a no contact of 40days and sent him a message when his favorite sports team was on. I started with a guess what text to which he responded what with laughing emoji and then I sent him a picture of the screen at the sports bar. He didn’t reply. A week later I sent him a message and asked him abt his activity, his passion. No reply. Then a week later I sent him a message kinda saying I understand why we broke up and wanted a part of him back. No reply. Since then I gnatted a bit for the last week and called a few times. He never picked up or called back. I should have been more patient and written better stories!!
    We have just dated a month and it was at a distance but we were really into each other I feel. We had a huge fight that precipitated the break up
    (I was starting to feel insecure because we weren’t making plans to see each other. Days before the fight I had told him I would take a step back by message and he took it has me wanting out and hated it cause I had said I wanted out that same week and he asked me to figure out what I wanted both time. In the day we didn’t speak I started thinking that smth was off with him and that he was hiding smth. When we spoke on the phone instead of apologizing abt the miscommunication only I started to ask him what he was not saying. He said there was smth but that he wouldn’t tell me. That lead to a huge fight where I was pushing him to tell me and that I couldn’t b with someone who was not saying everything. He didn’t say anything and I was really mean to him).
    At the end of the conversation he was like I am done. After that 2 weeks of me texting him more then he did (he just texted to say that he had a death in his extended family) he said that the reason he stopped things wasn’t only because of my behavior but also because he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he didn’t want anything. He hasn’t blocked me on phone neither on social media but I feel exactly like he did. Is there even a chance left? We broke up like beginning February and we just saw each other 3 times (for long hours). Also when we were dating my work situation was quite shaky and I didn’t really dare to tell him. I have now two jobs offers that are in the last stages so that would b a huge wealth improvement. I have also invested a lot in health and relationships. I continue to make new friends and even went on a few dates with a guy. I know I should probably re do a no contact but then what?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:58 am

      Hey there Zzz..you are off to a good start. If you haven’t picked up one of my ebooks (found on menu tab/products) you should give it a look. Lots of ideas for lots of situations and it covers NC in detail!

  3. Aimee Starkey

    April 9, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    I discovered my ex has been seeing someone else. He says its 2 weeks, but ita very intense, and i highly doubt it because a mutual friend living on his street has said the new womans car has been there a solid week.
    Last wednesday i got it out of him and although he offered to talk to me on the Wednesday he blew me off for a night wirh her – lying to me saying he was stressed about it so can we rearrange.
    Tonight i am going ro collect mt things and i know i need to appear as though im meeting friends after and to not ve emotional and leave the last time he sees me as a pretty chilled one to make him wonder why im not emotional.
    The non contact will ve easy. The issue is, he’s pretty invested in this new girl and told me he shouldnt have been still seeinf me over the past few weeks ….i want him back and im worried the no contact is gpibg to give him more of a chance to get into a relationship eith this woman??
    We also have no mutual friends. His friends have always just been spoken to in passing. Although he has not blocked my number/fb/whatsapp.
    He is incredibly stubborn and rutheless, what if he doesnt even try to contact me ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:01 am

      Hey there Aimee..best to have a plan in place. No contact will give you time to get in touch with your own feelings about what he has done. Consider getting a deeper pool of advice.You are probably looking for actionable solutions, right? Well, the good news is that I created an ebook to help folks like yourself. Just go to my website’s Menu Section and click on “Products” link. You will learn there are lots a ways to better your situation! You don’t have to do this on this by your lonesome! In the end, do what makes you happy, but it may take you some time to sort through your feelings about what has unfolded. Then you will really know what you want

  4. Tay

    April 9, 2018 at 8:00 am

    My ex and I have been dating on and off for the past 8 months, breaking up in feb due too us just spending way too much time together. All the time we spent caused tension between us and when we broke up it was mutual yet there is still a passion between us. I did no contact after stubbornly realizing that he won’t talk to me. After the 30 days. Due to missing my period and fears of pregnancy, we spoke about the options we had. On the phone, he was supportive of the situation and told me that he missed me. Thankfully, I’m not pregnant. I texted him the other day telling him a quick funny story and he failed to reply. I’m just confused because whenever I talk to a friend of mine who’s friends with his roommate, she tells me that he’s going through a tough time and he tells me that misses me but his actions aren’t lining up. He’s a musician and he’s been having an internal crisis lately so I’ve been giving him space. I just don’t know what to do at this point. Please help?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:09 am

      Hi Tay….giving space is probably a good idea. I bet you would benefit from a more directed strategy. Consider a resource I put together called Ex Recovery Pro. It is aimed at helping you in all sorts of ways. You can learn more about it by going to my Menu Section and clicking on the link for “Products”. I am guessing you will find something that fits your needs

  5. Lisa

    April 8, 2018 at 1:46 am

    Hi,
    First of all, you are amazing Chris! The tips/videos/articles have great content and can be hilarious! So here’s my deal:
    My exboyfriend Of 7.5 months broke up with me a little over month ago. 1.5 months leading up we both had started bickering/ arguing more nothing like name calling etc but where he’d storm out and drive home an hour away. Wasn’t all the time. Both of us had a lot of external pressures going on- he messed up at work, my family health issues, job etc . Think we were taking it out on one another. I was becoming more negative and not like myself. We’d talk it through And he still did the loveavle things he always did. He was the first to say I love you, wanted me to move by him and get apt together, openly 2 weeks before breakup went look at furniture for our “future house someday.” Day of breakup told me he loved me and couldn’t wait for our roadtrip that week and to “borrow snow shoes from a friend.” That night ..”my feelings have changed for you, I’m unhappy, people at work have said I changed, i feel like our fighting has impacted me at work and with friends and I’m concerned will cont. into future “(sorry trying to nutshell) felt totally slided and like this was left field that we had more than that. I basically responded crying that I was confused and didn’t know why he was giving up and that I loved him. Then I let him be.

    Current: I left him alone with NC for 3 weeks and then (now kicking myself) wrote him an accountability text. Just basically what I’ve learned in how I contributed to where we are and how I’m working on things. Short but to point. Absolutely nothing in return 2 weeks later:( still connected on social media FB and he checks my snapchats immediately. I’m at a loss. I’ve done a lot of self- growth over past month . What should I do now?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 3:55 am

      Thanks for all the kind words.

      Sorry if I’m a bit short. Been working a lot, taking care of two sick women (one a wife, the other a daughter.)

      Do you mind if I inquire about the “accountability” text? What was it and what was said?

    2. Lisa

      April 10, 2018 at 5:10 am

      Hi Chris,

      I’m unsure if my posts have gone through bc it’s showing that they aren’t on my end . If there are duplicates hopefully there’s a way to erase hahha. Sorry to her about your sick wife and daughter! I’m just finishing with Influenza B myself . As a Family Nurse Practitioner , I have witnessed this be the worst cold / flu season!

      Anyway, the accountability text was basically a “clean slate “ text that I felt the need to send after 3 weeks of NC. Essentially recognizing / taking responsibility after reflection etc of what I did to contribute to break up… like being more negative , more needy, bickering with pressures etc that we’re temporary and how I vowed to not make the same mistakes in the future . Nothing about getting back together , seeing eachother etc. UPDATE: he text me last night 2 weeks after I sent the text and now I’m completely at a loss of what to do. Can I post it here??

    3. Lisa

      April 10, 2018 at 4:37 am

      Hi Chris,
      I’m sorry if this is repeating a post bc it doesn’t look like it’s posting. Nutshell: sorry to hear about your fam , I just am finishing influenza B myself and am a Family Nurse Practitioner and have seen the worst cases of flu in pediatrics and adults.

      The “accountability text” was more like a clean slate text that I felt inclined to send after 3 weeks of NC. I may have gotten advice from another counselor essentially it was acknowledging/taking responsibility of how I contributed to break -up. (Becoming more negative , bit more needy, bickering ) and that it was temporary but vowed to not make same mistakes in future. Didn’t ask to see him, didn’t beg for him back or anything like that. UPDATE: He text me last night after 5 weeks of not hearing anything and 2 weeks after my text. I want to post his text is that ok? I’m lost and don’t know how to handle this…

  6. Lisa

    April 8, 2018 at 1:33 am

    Hi

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 8, 2018 at 2:07 am

      Hi! 🙂

  7. Dawn

    April 7, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    I dated my ex as a teenager for 8 years. We had a child together we split up when our son was 2. I spent the next 11 years raising him solo. My ex always had his head up someone else’s butt. I waited for a long time for him to come back around. And he did. He ended up cheating on me and dating a girl I knew behind my back. At first I was devastated. He blocked me on social media. Blocked my number. He let this girl destroy my self esteem and say the most horrible things about me that he knows aren’t true. Since the break up I’ve lost about 15 pounds, quit smoking, really started working on myself and my relationship with our son. I’ve come very very far. I will never ever get back with the ex. I’m so much better without him. But I enjoy reading these articles you post. It puts things in perspective to me. PS this girl he’s with now will never compaire to me. But they are both pretty low and obviously belong to one another.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 7:00 pm

      I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup but very happy to see that your realizing your better off without him! Our program is not only about getting back together, it’s also about recovering from your breakup and becoming more secure with yourself. Thanks for being an avid reader!

      P.S. The girl is saying horrible things about you because she is intimidated by you and she probably has low self-esteem.

    2. Dawn

      April 8, 2018 at 2:52 am

      You 2 are freaking awesome.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 2:34 am

      Hey Dawn! Your are freaking awesome too! Things can get better, my friend! Sometimes it is a function of having a blueprint to follow. That is what I created in a massive ebook. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. Go take a look. You can find it on my website by click the Menu Section and looking under the link for “Products”. Consider it your ex recovery pal!

  8. Meg

    April 7, 2018 at 12:04 am

    I met my Ex online and we live in different countries. We only talked for 2 weeks but it was daily. He was pretty straight forward about sexy photo requests, but after I dampened that, his responses seemed caring but often very short. So he was interested enough over that 2 week period. Then after asking me several questions about why I wanted to meet someone from his country (dream of mine), and saying surely there must be many guys who want me (he said I was beautiful), texted back that he had moved on i a couple days later. This is after he hadn’t texted me for day. I am visiting that country for a vacation. Is it a bad idea to contact him? I will be in NC 4 weeks coming up. I thought about texting him at 5 weeks NC, if he hasn’t blocked me. We are in our late 50s. Please advise!

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 2:21 am

      Hi Meg,

      Welcome to the website! I’m Jennifer, Chris’ wife! We actually recommend that a lot of our clients text first coming out of the no contact rule.

      So, I think you are good there.

    2. Meg

      April 7, 2018 at 1:47 pm

      Hi Chris’s beautiful wife!
      Your husband and team’s comments have really helped. I was concerned that me contacting him after traveling to his country, after the breakup would be too much ( like I went there for him). But he knows that I have always wanted to go there. Beforehand I will see if the text goes through before I leave .

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 7:44 pm

      Your so sweet. Thank you!

      Good idea!

  9. Cornelia

    April 6, 2018 at 9:48 pm

    I was reading through the comments and I think my situation is the most dumb ever and that mostly because the guy I’m gonna write about wasn’t even my boyfriend.

    So I know him for 5 years now. I still remember the first day we accidentally met while I was with one of my classmates that happened to be his friend. After that we kind of got in touch through Instagram then WhatsApp. The point is he was always kind to me, a deep person I always had interest to talk to. He was the mysterious guy and still is. I never knew much about his life, we were always talking about stuff other than real life and I liked it. At that time I didn’t mind much the fact that that’s the only thing I get from him. I liked his looks but I liked our conversations more so didn’t want to change Something in our Relationship. Time passed, I entered the same University as him and since I was a newbie with no friends he helped me a lot, showing around, but also seeing me, talking to me. He kind of felt like a brother, a friend, a father – all in one. Now I think he was just being a gentleman with me, helping the lady out.
    Everything started after I failed my exams in my first semester. I kind of fell into a mental breakdown (personal issues) and this to the point that I cut contact with every single person I knew, including him. I deleted my Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, everything. I needed time for me and I didn’t want to explain anything since I didn’t have answers myself. Some loyal friends stayed by my side even tho I faded away like the stars of the morning, whom I’m thankful to. I continued to go to the same University, Nothing really changed, but I just stopped talking to people, u can call it some sort of depression.

    2 years later (now) I suddenly, out of the blue, remembered him. I searched for him, found, messaged, meet. It’s like these 2 years haven’t even been. It felt so home likely, I realised how much I missed him and that I don’t want to let him go anymore. I decided for myself, I’ll do everything to have him in my life. Which seems to be not what he wanted…
    SO that first time we met, which is been less than 2 months ago, we’ve spent 5 hours together, talking, he hugged me (the long type of hug), kissed my cheeck (for the first time ever), kissed my palm, told me that he missed me too and that no matter what he’ll never regret knowing me, gave me a ride home and I thought I was the happiest girl ever.
    Some days have passed and I wanted more, I wasn’t able to control my feelings anymore but I also knew he is busy studying (like he told me his priority right now are his studies). After 2 weeks, I saw him by chance in the Library, he seemed happy and because I was able to see him, I was happy too.. I always tend to forget to ask what it’s really on my mind when I see him. We studied a bit together and then he took me home, I was so tired I could barely talk.
    1 month after that I didn’t hear anything from him. Either because he was busy (but I know that if u want u can find time for people, he probably just didn’t want to do so) or smth else but he ghosted me. I messaged him a lot…. even for me, too much. But I did it mostly because I didn’t want to regret it afterwards that I did Nothing and he left. So I messaged things like:” I miss u”, “lets meet”, “I can’t go through this anymore, U need to help me get out of this feelings with no answer”, I was so hopeless that I thought he’d actually help me.

    2 days ago I saw him again, by chance and he completely changed, I think I saw another person. He was the coldest and emotionless person I’ve ever seen, I was wondering is that even him? But again I was happy seeing him so sat next to him waiting for him to finish up his work. At the same time I felt fear, I was scared to look at him and talk, he kind of cut me into pieces with only his look. I could tell he was mad but didn’t say a thing. I’m not the type to argue over small things so I thought, as long as I can see him, it’s fine with me, ghosting or whatever. BUt yeah.. he finished up his work and guess what, left, like I wasn’t even there next to him. I tried to stop him asking what happened? why are u being like this? but no answer, it felt like ghosting in real life, I swear. HIs only answer was Nothing, u did Nothing, it’s Nothing wrong. At a certain moment, I thought, well I should just give up and not follow him. And I stopped for a minute but couldn’t look at him going away and me doing Nothing. I ran after him, stopped him and he started to yell at me… things like what do I want from him, why do I call him if I know he won’t pick up, what do I want from him. I was shocked, I couldn’t recognize him at all!!! I literally became speechless, I wasn’t able to say a single word and he left.
    When I came home I received a message from him telling me he is sorry for yelling, but doesn’t have time and doesn’t want any sort of relationships, that he is happy with the people he has right now in his life.
    I still don’t know how people can change so all of a sudden and why it happened… Can he still come back if I follow the NC rule? Even though I doubt it, he’s never searched for me in these 2 years, even tho he had my number all this time. Is there a chance to get things back as they were? I told him to delete my number the last time and he did so.
    I think there’s no chance after all and the fact that I saw this Relationship as being different and special, meant Nothing to him.
    I dunno what to do, I want him back, but I feel like that’s not going to happen.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 1:47 am

      He just needs more time. Restart a no contact and work on yourself during that time. Don’t be to hard on yourself. The relationship did mean a lot to him that’s why he’s reacting so emotionally.

  10. Annie

    April 6, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    my ex and i were very intense, in love, about to move in together and talked about getting married. we had an argument and he broke up with me and said we just don’t work long term. that was about 3 months ago. i never gnatted, even immediately after the breakup. about 30 days after, i texted him something light and he responded neutrally / positively, and about two weeks after that did the same.

    but he hasn’t initiated anything — he doesn’t watch my instagram stories most of the time, and doesn’t like any of my facebook posts so i’ve no idea if he even still follows me (though we are still fb friends).

    what is my next move? i feel frustrated he’s not reaching out even though via all social media it looks like i’m doing great things for myself. unfortunately we don’t have any mutual friends so i have no way to use that network. help!

    1. Annie

      April 17, 2018 at 6:57 am

      any possibility of getting some input? help!

    2. Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:23 pm

      Hi Anna…sure… I have been out of town, and if I see any other messages here from ya, I will respond. Meanwhile, if you have not already, dig into one of my ebooks!

  11. Samantha

    April 5, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    So I was in a super serious relationship with someone. We were in love, things happened so quickly. It was long distance, we were only together for two months. We had talked about me moving to a different state to be with him and talked about marriage. I truly believe everything he said to me. Out of the blue he ghosted me. After he promised me so many times he would NEVER leave me and he’s never felt this way about anyone. He does have PTSD. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard anything from him. He unfollowed me on Instagram and won’t pick up my calls or texts. I stopped texting him and calling him but did cave last night and messaged him saying, “hey how are you? I honestly just want to at least be your friend. I don’t want you out of my life completely. I give a shit about you.” And no response. I know I should have waited the thirty days but since he technically never even broke up with me or said anything to me I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve been spending a lot of time researching and it does sound a lot like PTSD, but I don’t know where to go from here. Leave him alone now for good and focus on myself? I feel like I’ve done everything I could possibly do. I feel like I deserve SOME type of answer or response.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 6, 2018 at 12:07 am

      Well basically that’s what we do in NC. We leave him alone for a set period of time and focus on ourselves!

  12. Amarah

    April 5, 2018 at 6:17 am

    Im done with NC rule after a month we met and had sex it was the biggest mistake because im feeling the UG after that i feel like i lost my value with him. I also initiate that we should get back together. After that he become so cold and we didnt contact each other again what to do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:52 pm

      Did I already point you to that article I wrote on what to do if you sleep with your ex?

  13. Zan

    April 5, 2018 at 12:58 am

    I dated this guy I knew from elementary school for about 4 months. We connected well and things were great. We started to drift a bit and I gnatted him. I guess I genuinely thought it would work out. I did the 45 day no contact. And after trying to reach out got blocked on social media. He changes his number every now and then, so I don’t have that either. It’s been 7 months since we’ve talked. I think I may be able to still send a message on Facebook although I can’t see his profile. Also, someone I think is his friend talks to me. But I don’t think he knows I know they are friends. I really want this to work..any advice?

    1. Zan

      April 6, 2018 at 9:19 pm

      I said, you popped into my mind for the first time in a while. Hope all is well. Happy new year. Did I mess this up? My Instagram is public now. I’m not sure what his friend’s intention is. Or how to use it to my advantage. Can I fix this?

    2. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 1:44 am

      No, I think your still okay.

    3. Zan

      April 8, 2018 at 1:14 am

      So considering I’m still blocked. And there is the potential that I can message him on Facebook. How should I approach this?

    4. Jennifer Seiter

      April 8, 2018 at 2:18 am

      Yes but try the phone texting first. You’d be surprised how many people get unblocked during no contact. IF you are still blocked then yes Facebook messaging would be a good idea.

    5. Zan

      April 9, 2018 at 8:30 pm

      He changes his number. So I don’t even think he has the same number. I really don’t want to mess this up again and seem needy. What can I say to him?

    6. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:31 am

      If you are looking for some extended advice, consider one of my ebooks (menu tab/products). My material covers all sorts of situations and gives you a game plan moving forward

    7. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:47 pm

      I am curious. What was the message you used when you reached out?

    8. Zan

      April 6, 2018 at 9:18 pm

      I said, you popped into my mind for the first time in a while. Hope all is well. Happy new year. Did I mess this up? My Instagram is public now. I’m not sure what his friend’s intention is. Or how to use it to my advantage. Can I fix this?

    9. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 2:11 am

      I think that’s okay. You didn’t mess up.

    10. Zan

      April 6, 2018 at 2:04 am

      I said, he popped in my mind for the first time in a while when I was travelling. And I said happy new year. Did I mess this up? Can I fix this?

    11. Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:43 am

      Ah… so basically you told him that you are thinking of him…

      There isn’t any curiosity hook to want to respond to.

  14. Mandy

    April 4, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago out of the blue, stating that we were moving two different speeds, and one of us would have to change for the other and then would resent the other for it. He sounded rehearsed and cold. He also said that he was initially just going to talk to me about it, thought about it for a day and then decided that talking was pointless, and that it was best for us to move away from this so he broke up with me. I was in such shock that I didn’t say anything during the breakup, except that I thought he was scared. He replied maybe so. We had flirted/casually dated for about 3 months, then were official for 2 months before the breakup. We did see each other 3-4 times a week, if possible, with a mix of group dates or double dates and then just time as a couple. At the time, he asked to see me a majority more of the time than I asked to see him. There was no hint of a problem, we hadn’t even had a fight yet. The morning after, I noticed that he had unfriended/unfollowed me on all social media. I texted him once asking that because I was in such shock, I didn’t get to say anything, so could we talk? He responded with talking isn’t going to change anything, I stand by my decision and I think this is what is best for the both of us and blocked my number immediately. I immediately went into NC 30 days, but maybe sooner if I really changed and grew because the relationship was short and we never had a hint of a problem before. I did home renovations, I started a healthier diet and lost weight, I went to the gym, threw myself into work (which I knew my schedule was going to be brutal before he even broke up with me, so naturally, we were going to have to slow down for a few weeks anyway), applied to new jobs, went networking in my community, hung out with my friends, you name it, I was busying myself with it. We have a bunch of mutual friends that are closer to me and very supportive of me, so they saw my hurt, but they also know not to share with him how badly I was hurting. My ex hosts a gig at a bar every week in which my team and I attend (how I met him). I skipped the first two gigs after the breakup. Day 21, I was feeling pretty good about how I grew, and there was something going on that reminded me of him when we were casually dating so I sent him a message on fb messenger saying “Remember that time we were supposed to get snowed in? Getting snowed in at the office right now. Hope you’re doing well.” He immediately blocked me. At that point, I expected it, so I wasn’t hurt. I then decided to go to the gig a few days later, knowing I would show up late from a seminar I was attending. I walked in to see my team, and as I walked by, he said hi to me in a strained voice. I sat and played with my team for a couple of rounds, just ignoring him, being the UG. I got up to use the bathroom and hand in our team’s sheet to him, and said hi to him, intending to start into just one of those quick surprise messages (an actor from a TV show that he LOVES that was supposed to be cancelled said it wasn’t being cancelled). He starts arguing with me, no I don’t want to talk to you, we’re not talking about us, we were going two different speeds, talking is pointless, I still like you and really care about you but I wanted out. Me, being an attorney, couldn’t keep my mouth shut after that line, and asked why? he then tells me I was insecure in our relationship and that I needed reassurance every 3 hours. Honestly, I have never been more secure in a relationship, which I tried to tell him but he cut me off with the needing reassurance bit. I would text him occasionally asking how his day was going, or that I was excited to see him that night. I used to be a text gnatter and ruined a past relationship with that, so I don’t do that anymore. So my response was, I liked talking to you (the truth) then walked away. Since that day, I started doing NC again. I accidentally ran into him a few days later, and he blatantly ignored me and spoke to the people I was with. I skipped the next gig, and went to the one after (2 weeks after he started arguing with me), in which he was very rude, didn’t address me when he HAD to speak to me as I was the only one there from my team at the moment, and addressed the ceiling instead. He acted like I was a stranger.

    As a UG, I know that part of the mindset is that you have to be willing to lose the guy. With the way he is treating me now, I am. However, I keep coming back to how I haven’t ever met a guy like him before. We matched very well intellectually, mentally, emotionally, physically, which I have never found before. He treated me so well and his words (“I just want to make you happy,” “I can’t stop smiling whenever I see you”, etc.) matched his actions. he supported my work and bragged about how involved in the community I was. I met his friends and co-workers, introduced as his girlfriend and they all like me. He’s met my friends and they like him. Our mutual friends were just as shocked that he broke up with me because he appeared to be so happy. We saw each other alot, but we also gave each other space. I understand that the relationship didn’t work for him, so I don’t want the old one back, but I also can’t figure out where it didn’t work for him. I’d like a chance to restart with him. I do know that his last relationship was 6 years long, and didn’t end well. He also has been single for 2 years before me. I guess my question is, what is my next action?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:10 pm

      You definitely have to be willing to lose the guy to get the guy.

      I’ve seen it time and time again. It’s almost uncanny how true that statement is.

      So, this current iteration of NC… have you completed it yet?

    2. Mandy

      April 6, 2018 at 2:36 pm

      No, today is Day 22. I did go to the gig again this week, and he was less hostile when he spoke to me when he had to. I was happy and polite, just said what I had to in as little words as possible and had fun with my friends, ignoring him the rest. I also was with a new guy friend but I don’t think my ex was jealous.

      I forgot to mention that during both times of improving myself, of course I improved myself for me, but I have been posting on Facebook on public so he could see it. I have been trying the sphere of influence, but I don’t think it’s going well because most of our mutual friends have been just as shocked as I was, and are really upset with him because they were also invested in us because of the double or group dates. The others I try to casually ask how he is doing if he is brought up and they said that is between him and I and they want no part of it.

      I do know I have to complete NC, but because he blocked me on everything and is being so hostile anytime I see him in person, I really have no idea what to do after that. Ignore the behavior and then what? Is there any way I can build rapport with him?

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 9:23 pm

      So, what I’ve seen work best so far is to do something noteworthy indirectly to catch his attention. I’ll level with you. I’m still looking for the perfect strategy for being blocked. If you give me some time I’ll have it cracked I’m literally working on it now.

    4. Mandy

      April 8, 2018 at 7:08 pm

      Maybe it’s time I take a vacation! Maybe some things that could help you to know: he never contacted me during first NC or this second one, maybe because he did see me for those 2 hours weekly. I know I probably should have skipped going, but I also didn’t want him controlling me seeing my friends, so I treated it like NC while working together. When you list out the types of guys who don’t contact during NC, he is the stubborn one (a Taurus, too). However, with the blocking, I’m leaning toward it hurt too much or he was serious about this is the end and wanted to get over me and me to get over him. He did reach out to one of my friends right after he broke up with me (about 20 minutes after) and told her to take care of me and that I needed a friend. He is also going to be 34, and I turned 28 during our relationship (which he spoiled me in celebrating). Could he be the type that just needs more time than others to come around?

    5. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:50 am

      HI Mandy. A vacation sounds fun! I need one! Perhaps he does need more time. Some guys are that way. If you need a deeper dive into this whole topic of breakups, consider my ebooks which you can get to via my website menu/products link! Maybe Hawaii! Europe!

  15. Yong

    April 4, 2018 at 8:26 am

    Ex bf broke up with me a month ago, he said it was something about me that hurt him but he didn’t want to talk to me about it , he just broke up with me saying I deserve better . During NC he contacted me once positively . After NC I contacted him asking to meet and to talk about things ,when we meet up I told him this might be the last time we will meet because I don’t know if he wants me back anot I’m confuse . He hesitated but he chose to let me go again and walked away , a few minutes later I asked him if he still want to be friends and is willing to meet up with me again . I’m so confuse does he want me back or not ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:59 pm

      I would study his actions as opposed to his words to make a determination on that.

  16. Emmy

    April 4, 2018 at 12:15 am

    My bf broke up with me 2 weeks ago because i was nagging him to much for him being distant he said i was a great woman and he didnt want to make me feel.that way it caught me by surprise because i never ecpected a brake up we always had the best times when we where together we where so in love i text him twice since the break up and he never replied but still has me on all his social medias apps im so confused..help!..

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 12:46 am

      Hey Emmy,

      I understand this is a tough time but you didn’t give me anything about what you’ve done to try to win him back so far.

    2. Emmy

      April 4, 2018 at 1:30 am

      Well i sent him one message through fb jist saying good morning and asking how his been ans he never opened it..and also sent him a text message telling him i apoligized for nagging him that i missed him a loved him and if we could start all over again to give us a second chance and he didnt reply im not sure if he just doesnt want anythinh to do with me anymore or what..

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:42 pm

      Yep, I just found your problem. The biggest mistake I see women making time and time again is having a really basic message when they reach out.

      The name of the game is curiosity. There is nothing that makes him want to respond to you. You might need to get that in order.

  17. Sophia

    April 3, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up 6 weeks ago, we met last summer so we had been together for around six months. It was a mutual break up, but I was the one initiating it. During our time together I was suffering from bad anxiety, not because of him, but I did however. I guess that was our main problem since my anxiety was very energy consuming. My ex was very supportive and helped me to find a great psychologist. In the end, I initiated the break up because I felt I couldn’t be a good girlfriend when I wasn’t feeling very well.

    Today I’m feeling much better thanks to my psychologist. However, I do miss my ex.
    I’ve tried to talk to him but he is really upset and says things like ”I don’t miss anything about you or our relationship” or ”I’m much better off without you in my life”. I find everything very strange, my ex used to say that I was the love of his life and that we would be together forever. He has blocked me everywhere.
    Does he hate me?
    Will NC work even though its been six weeks and he is still this upset?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 1:00 am

      Hey Sophia,

      So, let me just start off by saying NC is without a doubt one of the most effective strategies in ex recovery. However, be careful about relying on it fully. It’s not the be all end all. What you do after the no contact rule is just as important.

  18. Alejandra

    April 3, 2018 at 2:21 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend 5 days ago. He blocked me on all social media except whatsapp. I sent him a couple of text messages for two day and then I have not contacted him. I’ve talked to his friends and they’ve told me he’s very stubborn when he leaves someone. He was casually dating before he became seriously involved with me. So they tell me maybe he’ll come back around, but I’m not sure. To be honest I’ve been wanting to write him a letter expressing myself, but I haven’t. I want him to know I’m open to reevaluate our relationship. I’ve been hanging out with my friends and we all have been posting about it on our social media. Don’t know if ge has seen it or not. I don’t know how is he going to miss me if he doesn’t see me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 1:10 am

      Did you guys talk a lot on Whatsapp?

  19. Mary Grace Porto

    March 29, 2018 at 7:28 am

    My ex broke up with me after 7yrs of being together and after I got engaged with him. After the break up, I tried to convinced him and beg him that he should not be giving up on us and he must remain strong on the situations that we are facing being in Long distance for 6months. He all refused to talk to me and ignoring all my messages after he said that its over and not going back. He even says that he dont read all my Bullshit messages. He seems very angry to me and on serious in breaking up with me. Its been more than 3weeks now after we break up

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:51 am

      And have we done any form of NC at all?

  20. daisy

    March 26, 2018 at 2:26 am

    Me and my ex boyfriend broke up months ago but after we broke up we were still sort of interested in each other as i was the one who initiated the break up due to severe depression i have been going through. He now hates me and has blocked me on everything because i got really upset when he wanted to move on with one of my best friends and i kept on texting him which i now really regret but now he is saying to people he wants space and i’m going to give it to him but i’m scared he will never want me back again what should i do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:26 am

      I’ll tell you the best piece of advice I have.

      “you have to be willing to lose the guy to get the guy.”

      Take a risk and try NC.

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