We’ve created a six-step process to help you turn a friendship into a relationship.
And really, these steps will revolve around helping you get out of the “friend zone”—that awkward space where you are interested in someone, but they only ever see you as a friend.
Here’s everything you’ll be learning:
- Transition From Being Passive To Active
- Adopting The Paradigm Shift Mindset
- Create A Fear Of Loss
- Embarking Upon The Value Ladder Without A No Contact Rule
- Seek To Have More Meaningful Conversations
- Ask Them To Be Official During The High Point Of An Experience
Now, let’s get started!
What Are the Steps For Transitioning from Friendship To Relationship?
You’re probably thinking,
“I know (insert person’s name) well, so why can’t I just tell them how I feel and try to date?”.
I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t Hollywood. You can’t pull a “When Harry Met Sally,”
And expect it all to work out for you. Sure, you may have read a few stories online that give you hope, but the reality is that most people caught in the friend zone that express their feelings wind up back in the friend zone.
The truth is always more complicated than you think.
It’s really more about WHEN and HOW you make your move.
Here are the steps that we suggest you take:
Step #1: Transition From Being Passive To Active
You may not feel it’s within you, but you have to take a step back and objectively assess the situation.
“relationships start because sexual attraction prompts men to use bold and direct behaviors to make their interest known to women, while women focus on making themselves attractive and waiting for men to “make a move.””
Basically, men and women have different approaches to gaining the attention of the opposite sex.
At Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, our clients primarily consist of women, and women tend to “wait” for a man to make a move. We suggest you stop being the one to wait and actually take action.
One of the things that Chris Seiter, the founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, always says is that,
“It’s not about who starts the conversation. It’s about how good the conversation is and who ends it first. If you consistently abide by that pattern, the attraction will get built.”
And this leads us very nicely to the next step.
Step #2: Adopting The Paradigm Shift Mindset
If you’re truly determined to move your Relationship forward, you must first mentally shift your mindset.
“Old keys don’t unlock new doors.”
– An old wise saying that I often use at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery.
If you want something different in your life, then you need to start moving differently.
Nikki Goldstein, Ph.D., explains, “Relationships are not linear, and they do change- just because you might be platonic friends at one stage does not mean love and attraction won’t grow.”
A lot of the way to “get out of the friend zone” is about shifting the other person’s paradigm.
You want them to start seeing you in a new light, as someone that they could be interested in.
The only reason that they don’t want to commit to you is that they think they already, have you. You need to turn the tables on them.
You need to friend-zone them (but in a nice way.)
Step #3: Create A Fear Of Loss
Simply put, it’s not scaring them but creating a sense of loss if they don’t commit to you.
“It’s your presence that makes life worth living” – Anonymous.
This includes going out on dates with other people or not responding to their advances.
It’s not entirely ignoring them; it’s letting them know you have a life that doesn’t revolve around them.
In one of our more famous articles at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, we’ve concluded that six factors can make a man commit to you.
- Satisfaction: in this context, it refers to how satisfied your guy is with your interactions. So, if every time you are together, and he has the time of his life, his satisfaction is bound to be high.
- Scarcity: is often mistaken for not being too available. And, while availability is essential, this pertains to how your guy sees you. He needs to think that no one else is out there like you.
- Fear of Loss: This is important because if your guy values your interactions, then he won’t want to let that, or you, go.
- Urgency: Urgency in dating is the same thing. It is the feeling that if you don’t ACT NOW, the moment or opportunity might pass you by. It’s a factor that you don’t want to give into on your end, but you want your man to feel heavily on his end.
- Investment: Anything he puts into the interactions; money, time, emotion, and energy. There have actually been studies that prove that even people unsatisfied with the Relationship they are in will stay in a Relationship if they feel like they have some stake in it.
- Alternatives: These are how he sees you compared to other women. I’m not saying you should start comparing yourself to other women. But, in his eyes, you should appear to be the only option he sees.
This seems like a long list, but we can guarantee it can make all the difference in getting him to commit.
It takes time, patience, and a lot of dedication, but you can make it happen.
Look at that list and see what area you are lacking. Once you’ve identified it, that’s the area you should work on.
Step #4: Embarking Upon The Value Ladder Without A No Contact Rule
It focuses on the idea that when you are past the point of needing no contact, the way to move forward is by gradually increasing your value as a person by using five specific methods of communication.
The Value Ladder is a roadmap for meaningfully connecting with your soon-to-be lover while gradually shifting their perspective.
To give you complete insight, here’s how it goes:
- Text Message-Based Communication – Any communication sent via Text, iMessage, WhatsApp, Instant Messaging
- Phone Call-Based Communication – Any conversation you have via a Phone, Video Chat, or Zoom session.
- In-Person Meetup-Based Communication – We move into the “personal communication phase. Meetups aren’t considered dates. They aren’t regarded as romantic but as meeting up in person.
- In-Person Romantic-Based Communication – This is another type of in-person communication. Still, it’s a date where romance is assumed.
Step #5: Seek To Have More Meaningful Conversations
“Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.”
I’ve talked about this before, and while consistency may be an essential factor for any potential relationship, personally, having those deep and valuable conversations will bring a man closer to you.
Although it may sound easy initially, having those conversations can become awkward, especially if you’re still in the friendship phase.
Believe me, opening up like that is hard.
Chris talked about this in one of his programs called Inspire His Desire, where he explains different ways you can have meaningful conversations so you are ready to advance up to the “ask phase.”
Check the Inspire His Desire Program here: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/products/
To start, you need to remember the acronyms FORD and EPIC.
FORD stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.
These are topic categories that can help you get to know more about your man and make him feel comfortable to open up to you.
EPIC stands for Experiences, Perspective, Interests, and Cravings.
These questions allow him to talk about his life and ultimately make him feel more connected to you.
These techniques are great for getting him to open up and let you in.
You can use the FORD method during the first part of your rapport-building phase. Chris often recommends this for starting a conversation during the texting phase. It’s a great topic for people who are struggling with small talk.
The EPIC questions work better when you are at the meetup phase, giving you more engaging topics to discuss. This is where you create valuable conversations, as it allows you to learn more about each other and build a strong connection.
These intense conversations can help you stand out in any communication, making advancing up the value ladder easier.
Step #6: Ask Them To Be Official During The High Point Of An Experience
I bet you’re wondering when is the right time for this “big ask.”
Well, according to Chris Seiter, only after you’ve successfully completed all the steps discussed can you ask your friend to “be official.” But it’s essential to do this during the high point. The most exciting, happiest moment of a date.
For example, you’ve had a great time talking, laughing, and getting to know each other on the date.
You want to do this by not forcing it but by simply saying the words, “So, what are we?”
You can see that borne out in some of his success story interviews where he talked to people who were able to get a commitment from an ex,
It could be a massive jump for some of us, but it’s something that can open the doors to a romantic relationship.
When the time comes, make sure to stay confident. Don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back. Just believe in yourself and understand that you’ve already gone through all the steps needed for this person to know how much you care.
If they feel the same way, it will be easier to make that leap.
In conclusion, getting out of the friend zone and making that person fall in love with you requires a lot of effort and can only be done after a long period.
That’s why we need we emphasize the significance of,
- getting out of the “friend zone” stage
- changing your mindset
- And developing an “It’s your loss”—attitude
To help you get on the right track, follow these steps:
- Follow The Value Ladder without a No-Contact rule
- Create more meaningful and intimate conversations
- And ultimately, ask them to be”official” during the high point of an experience.
It is the key to making someone fall for you.
It takes a lot of effort and dedication, but it’s all worth it. We’ve seen many success stories here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, here’s to hoping you’ll be our next one!