How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Call You Or Answer The Phone- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

422 thoughts on “This Will Make Him Call You Or Answer The Phone”

izell

November 22, 2013 at 8:52 am

By the way im applying nc rule again after our last conversation.
izell

November 22, 2013 at 8:47 am

Hi chris it’s me again.

During the nc rule, my ex bf texted me twice. I did not answer on his first message but on the second, i answered after a few days.. i just thanked him for all the good things we had and all the love he gave to me. He was glad that i am happy as he said and the convo went good as if nothing strange happened before… like when we were still in the relationship. He said he would text to invite me so that we can eat outside. He even asked for my schedule in the hospital duty… after that we never had conversation again and it is almost 10days already. Im not bothered because i am thinking he might text me on some other days.. btw he also asked my schedule on the convention… i just wanna know based on a man’s thought, what does his actions mean? I dont want to jump into conclusions without having some advice. Thank you so much chris. Your answer would be a good help.

admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:11 pm

He seems to just be checking up on you… and slowly realizing he can’t get through to you.

Amanda

November 22, 2013 at 6:29 am

Dear Chris,
I have read your articles very well. You are so amazing! Thank you so much for all your works for help. This is my story. I hope you can give me a decent advice for me. Sigh.

So, me and my ex were broken up 4 weeks ago now.
We were dating for almost 11 months until the break-up happened, though we have been good pen-pal friends for 6 years(my ex is a foreigner living in Australia and myself here in the U.S.).
So, me and my ex were in a long distance relationship but we constantly visited each other’s country to spend time together and made plans for further visits( he was going to eventually move to where I live by the end of this year.) To be honest, distance did not affect our relationship at all, it only made us stronger because we always showed our affection very well, contacting each other every minute of our time.

But the real problem that we had many arguments.
We would fight for nothing serious frequently and I always ended up asking him to break up with me, which I should have done it so easily that many times. During my summer vacation, which was from May to August this year, I visited him in Australia and we lived together for 3 months. We had good times together but had a lot of arguments too and i always ended up asking him to break up with me, which i did not mean it but just became too emotional losing myself. He ALWAYS begged me back saying he will fix his problem so that the argument will not happen again. So, I never even thought that he will ever leave me until our breakup when he finally admitted that we are just torturing ourselves and maybe better to be separated even though we both love each other so so much.

Later I found that he changed his facebook relationship status and profile photoes with this new girlfriend he found in his country, saying they are dating since THE EXACT DAY WE BROKE UP.
It was a very shocking news to me, so 2 days after our break up, I sent his friends and his family some very long and sincere facebook messages about how I was just so emotional that I asked him to break up while we were arguing, and that I am regretting. However, his family and friends just said to me that I always put him in a hell everytime I told him to break up, and this time I should just let him go so that he can be happy with this new girl he found. So, I just deactivated my facebook and did not go back since then because I tried to keep a NO-CONTACT RULE and surprisingly I became patient enough to not contact him since then(been 4 weeks now) at all. Also, I did not hear anything back from him during this 4 week of no contact period.

So, yes he deleted me from his facebook and never talked to me during this 4 week of no contact period after our breakup( and he seems to be still dating his new girlfriend still. I am not sure about this because I did not check his facebook just in case I may get hurt. I did not want to know what was going on his life at all for now.)HOWEVER, I found that he did not delete me off from the skype. and he actually showed up online on skype several times, even though he has no friends to talk on skype…… and everytime I get online, that’s when he gets quickly offline to see me getting onlined. I also found that he changed his skype status about something obvious that he wants to show off to me and brag about himself so that he could make me angry.

So, I am really confused what I have to do from now on after 4-week of NC period. Should I keep on this ‘no contact rule’ still? Is there any way or chance he will call me still even though he found a new seemingly kind-hearted nice girlfriend and that it seems like they are still dating(since our breakup to up now)?

I do admit my mistakes while we were dating, but I was his ‘first love’ even though I dissapointed him several times by taking him for granted(mentioning about break-ups a lot) and flirting with other girls at the beginning of our date……It is true we both did love each other a lot.

I really wish I could get a true honest advice you could best give to me as a dedicated expert of this area. Sorry about this long-comment, Chris.
I hope I could hear from you back. Thank you for reading, thank you!

Sincerely,
Amanda :)!!!!

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:52 pm

Let me ask you something. This guy… do you see yourself with him down the road? Do you really think in the future he is the best choice fo ryou?

ash

November 21, 2013 at 8:09 pm

hey Chris,

i have a simple question . when do u know its really over ? and it was the right thing to move on? are there any signs?

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:13 pm

I am actually going to be writing about this next. So, just be patient and I will have the in-depth answer for you.

Sandry

November 21, 2013 at 4:17 am

Hi Chris, So He come back to me, He star calling me beautiful and wrote me messages telling nice stuff, all this after a month of nc rule, on Monday post me fb message telling me he loves me, I answered him that I love him too, and then I call him but he didnt answer, I called a couple times more and text him but I have not response, nor returned my calls, it’s been two days and have not heard from him.
My family does not agree with our relationship so we agreed to keep secret until we improve things, but my sisters found me talking to him, and they got mad, so I have the suspicion that they told him something or my mom, not really sure about it but it is the only way to justify his new actitud, I asked them if they told him something and I say noooo, Chris, I dont not what to do anymore, i dont want to be needy or clingy but I’m lost, I dont know anything from him to days ago, what should I do please tell me, thanks a lot (sorry for my bad english)

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Have you started a nC yet?
Sandry

November 22, 2013 at 2:32 am

Yes I did and He texted me and call me, so we were back, and now he is not calling me, it suppost he is coming to see me, and i wrote him about it, but I have not response

Rally

November 20, 2013 at 9:13 pm

Hi there,
I successfully completed a NC period with my ex contacting me 4+ times via text and a written letter. He initiated the remember texts and then unfortunately showed up unannounced 2x. Initially he expressed how much he missed me and wanted to make this work, but then as he took a step back said no he needs this time (and admitted to having committment issues when it comes to marriage). In between visits and after I received texts that he loves me and although he is dating (which was not his intent) no one compares. I began NC again, and he contacted me on day 5 and once again brought up old memories. I politely replied an that was it. I was unsure if I should since I feel like he is borderline with his feelings. He is unsure what he wants, but he said (when He showed up unexpected) that when he is with me, he only wants me, but when he doesn’t talk to me or see me he is okay… Despite the fact that he admitted showing up at places he knows I go to “hoping” to run into me. Needless to say, I am very confused, but emotionally stable. So do I do NC again or slowly work in these messages, for instance when he contacts me turn it into a “feel good” moment?

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

Yes do NC and slwoly work them in.
Rally

December 2, 2013 at 4:39 am

Update: He contacted me again regarding memories and missing thing with me. He claims he is not happier alone, but is not ready for a serious relationship (he’s 27). He continues to go out with other girls, is on tinder and has not yet had a second date because he is “emotionally” unavailable. Each time we talked prior to my recent NC, it was memories that lead to him sexting…ridiculous. He would like to be friends because he has loved me more than anyone, according to him. (he has never been friends with any of his exes). I’m not sure what to do. Last we spoke was wednesday and I asked if he was okay with losing our relationship and me forever…his response while shocked and teary eyed was I’m not sure… I’m not sure if I will be in 6 months or a year. Also, ran into him that night and within 5 min of him noticing me and waving, he came over to say “hello”. So do I continue another full 30day NC, shortened NC (in your e-book) or move on? So confused

LadyD

November 20, 2013 at 7:58 am

Hey again,

So, I am at an impass it seems. To recap: I have read the book. I have taken all of your advice. I completed NC + another 2 week period after my first text wasn’t answered. During NC, I did what I was supposed to do. I didn’t get a response to the happy memory text, but did get some positive texts after a phone conversation. I’ve also gotten positive responses to pictures I have sent of myself and things I’ve cooked. He has told me he isn’t with anyone. He is suddenly active and sending pics on the one social site we are still connected on, which he hadn’t used since February 2012. He was responding positively to neutral topics like you suggested. But now, nothing for a few days. I haven’t been texting because I wanted to wait it out. But, I’m out of ideas to keep the texts going. It’s like we make progress, but then it stalls out. The break-up was almost three months ago now. Calling can be tough. I’ve known him for years and he’s never been one to like phone calls. It’s texting or in person conversations where he’s most comfortable. The only way I could probably guarantee talking to him is to call him at work or to show up at his house, both of which wouldn’t win me many points. I feel very stuck right now, and could really use some advice. The holidays coming on doesn’t make this much easier. Is he just f*cking with me?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Were you able to establish meaningful conversations with him?

Marie

November 19, 2013 at 4:32 am

Chris, before I found this site, I jumped the gun:
I skipped all the text messages and only completed 30 days NC (and shaky when I came off it, did something kinda stupid.) Anyway, I have already had a phone conversation with my ex and it went well. I was in control, I kept it short, I ended it, he opened up and kept talking and we laughed. He said it was good to hear from me and I believed him. BUT there was no “talk to you later” ending.

I don’t want to screw this up, so I’m wondering how to stabilize this or where to pick up from since I messed up coming off my NC and skipped a lot of the beforehand steps.

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Maybe go back into NC for a while get your bearings and kind of press the reset button.
Marie

November 19, 2013 at 7:40 pm

We are not FB friends, but does commenting on mutual friend’s status updates ruin no contact? There are times we are commenting on the same update or picture.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:13 pm

No way… only contact with him will.
Marie

November 19, 2013 at 4:33 am

* I meant, “I ended it” as in I ended the convo… not the relationship! 😉 just fyi.

Elle

November 18, 2013 at 7:28 am

Hi Chris

I broke no contact after 30+ days 3 weeks ago by texting him something I found that reminded me of an inside joke we have. No response, instead I think he blocked my number. I waited about ten days and sent him an email asking for his opinion on something. I think the email was subtle but would have been evident to him that things have change and I’ve done a lot of wok on myself. No response. Last week, I sent him another email this one was text length and was just to tell him I found something that we had once gone on a crazy long search to try and find where to buy and that I was really excited. Again, no response.

I don’t know what to do and I’m scared of making things worse. Things fell apart for us at the beginning of the year but over spring/summer, we slowly were talking again via email. At the very end of the summer, I finally saw him but when I did, it was brief and we barely got to talk. Also, two of my friends were there who I hadn’t been speaking to when he and I were last together because it seemed that they were responsible for some really bad drama that affected both he and I. After things went south with him, I found out that my friend’s ex roommate was the one responsible for that and other drama. I tried to explain things to him then and a few times after but his response is always to cut me off and say he doesn’t care about the past because it’s in the past, let’s just move one.

I would LOVE to move on from it with him but since I saw him at the end of summer, he stopped communicating with me entirely. I tried no contact and while I found it really helped me to work on me, as I said above, I still can’t get him to answer me. I think that given what he still thinks happened, he’s repulsed that I would choose to be friends with these people and wants nothing to do with me as a result.

What should I do? I’m thinking about calling him and/or asking one of my friends to call him and talk to him but since they just sort of new each other and weren’t friends themselves, I don’t know if that’s a good idea but I don’t know what else to do?

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:59 pm

I would only call him if he has proven he is ready to accept the call.
Elle

November 18, 2013 at 7:47 pm

How can that happen?

I’m afraid to try texting him because I think he blocked me. I went back to email because its the only communication method that he’s been at all receptive to since things blew up. But I have no idea if even he’s reading my emails or just deleting them since he isn’t responding. Given what he thinks based on what he thinks he knows, I can’t blame him.

How can I set him straight and give him the information that he needs in order to make an informed decision/reaction, if I don’t have a way to communicate with him? We don’t have common friends, etc either. I don’t particularly want to call him but I don’t know what else to do other than asking one of my two friends who originally got blamed for what happened.

Do you have any ideas on what to do?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:03 pm

Well you won’t know until you text him if he blocked you right/

Determined

November 17, 2013 at 5:24 pm

Dear Chris,

Thank you so much for reading my post – I really need your advice about what I can do to get back the guy I’ve been seeing for a mont who I truly see as “the one.”

As I said, I started dating this guy about 5 weeks ago. We met on match and connected instantly on our first date over coffee on a Tuesday. He called me the next day but I never saw his call, so Thursday I texted him saying I had a great time. He responded right away and asked if I got his vim, which I listened to, and heard him ask me to dinner for Saturday night. I called him and we spent the next 3 hrs talking on the phone. We talked again on Friday for several hours and then he picked me up for dinner Sat. It was wonderful, there was tons of chemistry and we had tons to talk about. Following dinner and some making out, he took me back to my apartment and asked me if I would be interested in going to a major League Soccer game with him the next day. I was so excited that he wanted to see me so soon again, and since I love soccer, I said yes. He picked me up and we went (and I even met skims of his friends there!) and we had a blast. I slept over and though I wanted to hold out, I slept with him. He texted me the next day while I was at work to say he’s excited to plan our next adventure, and asked if I was free Friday,

To say this guy was behaving like he had a real interest in me would be an understatement. He planned elaborate dates like horse-back riding in the full moon light in Malibu (this after I’d told him offhand that I love riding horses -he listened!), calling me on all the days when e weren’t hanging out, keeping that connection strong, etc. I really felt like he was evaluating whether or not I was going to be a good long-term partner. We spent the month seeing each other at least 3 times a week- doing sometimes spectacular things and other times run-of-the-mill relationshipy type things (getting his car washed in between sexy time and them seeing a movie followed by hours of talking on his couch).

Through all this, I was not exactly exposing all of who I was. I was afraid (cliche, I know) to say the wrong thing, and missed many opportunities to strengthen our bond. One of these instances pertained to travel. I’m an avid traveler, have lived abroad and backpacked around South America, south east Asia. Europe and Africa, and he also loves to travel. When he mentioned how he was planning to go to World Cup in Brazil, I didn’t say anything in response. I did t say that I’d been wanting to go to World Cup for years, had already signed up for the ticket lottery, and missed Brazil when I was in South America years ago. When he said he had to prepare his visa so that he could go to Bali to build houses with Habitat for Humanity, I was stunned speechless- I’d been wanting to plan a charitable trip myself, and when I was in south east Asia I missed Bali, and that was top of my list. I didn’t respond to these things that he was truly excited about – and I feel he was kind of leading me to see if I would have a positive reaction. I was afraid of coming off as crazy, like I was inviting myself along or something, so each time I failed to respond I think I created more distance.

During the final week we were seeing each other, things were off (and I do think this can be explained by mercury in retrograde). We’d had an awesome Sunday of intimacy, fun errands, more intimacy, an impromptu movie, and several hours of talking. We’d made plans to see each other that next Friday (which I was disappointed about bc I wanted to see him sooner). I ended up popping by Tuesday night after work and it was awkward- I didn’t feel great and didn’t feel attractive so I didn’t project confidence, and he was exhausted so I didn’t stay over. That made me feel pretty anxious, so the next day I waited till the evening to text him to see how his day went (and I made it a rule to never do the initiating either by text or call, so this was an uncomfortable thing). He responded with something that didn’t continue the conversation so I let it drop. Thursday came and went with no call or text. I was beginning to think that something changed and it was over… Then Friday he texted that he would pick me up at 7 for a play. When he arrived, there was not the same level of excitement/energy coming off of him that I was used to seeing, and same from me because of ours event awkward communications (mercury in retrograde, I’m telling you). When I got in, and started driving, he said, “so- radio silence these past few days”. That caught me off guard and I didn’t know how to respond, though obviously I’d been feeling the same thing. I don’t know what I said, something stupid to change the conversation, and we dropped it. He still put his arm around me when we were walking to the playhouse, put his hand on my knee through the play, and so I thought everything was in the process of mending.

We went to dinner and then went back to my place. Conversation was stilted – my lack of confidence burning and mercury messing with me, but there was something else…) When things turned steamy, I had to stop and tell him something personal and painful that could impact him. After I told him, he left. I was devastated. I wrote him an email and he responded thanking me saying he’d be in touch.

Unexpectedly, he called the next afternoon. I answered with a mix of nervous anxiety and excitement, and to my surprise his tone was cheerful just like it had always been when he would call me nightly on his drives home from work. He asked if he could come over so we could talk. I thought this was great, that we would work through what I’d told him.

He came over and it was horrible. He told me that after what I’d told him, he assessed his feelings, and after reading my email, determined that my feelings were stronger than his… Then he said he was looking for long-term potential and he didn’t think we had that.

Stunned, heartbroken, anguished, I didn’t know what do say or do. Then he left. I then started to evaluate the past month and realized that I never opened up to him, never told him even in slight ways what I wanted, never told him that I liked him, never told him who I was or let him really get to know me. He told me who he was from the very beginning- all of his struggles and darkness, and I couldn’t do the same. I realized that I only showed him about 30% of my personality (eg: not reacting to his World Cup or Bali plans) and I think that truly set us/me back.

So it’s been a week of No Contact. I am sure he is The One but he disagrees (he told me in an email response. I truly think he’s making a huge mistake, especially because we want the same things. How can I get him back? Since we only dated a month, is the same 30-day No Contact rule still in effect? Please help me.

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:45 pm

You are still so early in NC. What are you doing to evlove?
Deterimined

November 18, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Thanks again for your responses and for your question. I exercise daily anyway and am trying to keep busy – cleaning out my closet, taking things to be tailored, organizing things, going hiking, getting my hair done, getting my nails done, buying some cute pieces for my wardrobe, forcing myself to go out with friends… But it is literally all to keep my mind from spinning out of control.

I have definitely decided that I’m going to wait one more week to contact him, making the total NC period 2 weeks… Is that enough time?
admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Yes I think it is.
Determined

November 19, 2013 at 4:54 pm

Hi Chris,

I called him last night when I was pretty sure he would be available, but he didn’t pick up. I left a short message asking if we could meet for coffee…

Feeling dejected – do I stop now and hope he gets back to me? If he doesn’t get back to me by next week, can I try again maybe with a text? I have half a mind to just show up at his place but I obviously don’t want to seem like a crazy person.

Thanks.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:52 pm

Yes don’t do that. Right now just keep the focus on you.
Determined

November 19, 2013 at 11:22 pm

OMG Chris…

He just texted me saying:

Hey, I got your vm… based on the subject matter of your last email and the tone of your message, it sounds like you still have some unanswered questions. I can meet you at XX on Thursday at 7.

Ok – please help, how do I approach this? Obviously I want him to realize that I am a treasure and that he was an idiot for giving me up, but I also feel like I shouldn’t lay it all out there lest I come off needy and pathetic.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Well, thats an interesting twist.

Umm… what do you want to do? meet him?
Determined

November 20, 2013 at 9:27 pm

Yes… I already wrote back and we’re planning to meet tomorrow night! I am terrified of not having a good delivery, of focusing on the wrong things, of not saying the right things, and of course – I’m terrified that his truth isn’t going to be what I want to hear.

I wrote out what I want to say, and though I don’t plan to read it verbatim, I know what I want to do:

Thank him for seeing me; address that I am there because I want to show him my authentic self (talk about how i’ve been guarded, that i know we’re a good match, that the things he likes i like even though i never spoke up); basically say that i hope the door is cracked just a tad because i think there is real potential and i am willing to put myself out there for love/a future.

what do you think?
Determined

November 21, 2013 at 9:40 pm

I had responded: looking forward to seeing you. He just sent the following text re tonight:

Hey,

Maybe it was just a figure of speech when u signed off ur last text “looking forward…” So ur not caught off guard, I wanted to clarify…I’m meeting as a courtesy to help settle any outstanding questions u may have in the hope that it will bring some form of closure. I’m not saying this to be a dick, I’d just like to avoid either of us feeling like the rug is being pulled out from under them.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I feel like it’s beyond repair – like he set his intention to not be even slightly open to me.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Just take it one step at a time. You should be doing everything with the mindset of expecting nothing.
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:31 pm

Have you read my guide on what to do on a date?
Deterimined

November 18, 2013 at 4:33 pm

PS. I thought I’d deleted all of his responses to my emails, but I found this, the last email I received from him on Sunday (after he came over Saturday and broke it off). It’s in response to an email I sent where I kind of laid out my issues with intimacy/power struggles. Do you still think there’s hope?:

Dear Determined,

I’m honored that you felt safe enough to share those very personal and private details. I know that you have exposed yourself very intimately and the magnitude of that is not lost in any way. Your observation of the analogy may very well be true…All of the things you mention regarding your qualities and feelings I do not doubt…you are amazing the way you are and through what you have already shown me. The truth is that what I have known of you so far should have been what reeled me in, but sadly I don’t feel that way…we could keep seeing each other, being physical with each other…but I believe we will still end up here. The most respectful thing I can do is not lead you on and that means having to go our separate ways. I hope you understand. –
admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Hmm… yes but its going to take a long time.
Deterimined

November 18, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Ok thanks again for your encouragement. Just want to reconfirm that you think breaking the NC after 8 days is ok at this juncture?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Hmmm… maybe wait a little bit longer.
Determined

November 18, 2013 at 2:36 am

Hi there,

Thank you for responding to me! I am considering calling him Tuesday… Is that too early?

I think for me evolving means not trying to manipulate a situation, eg: trying to determine when is the most optimal moment to call him so that he is most receptive- I can’t control that. It will be what it will be- I can only hope he will be just a little open to me and to hearing me.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:34 pm

No I think its worth a shot. You don’t know until you tried.
Determined

November 17, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Oops- I meant to explain that I definitely has told I him I’d liked him but never got deep and never pushed the conversation into the “what do you want” zone. Ie- he knew I liked m and had fun with him, but I might have been giving off the vibe that I didn’t want a relationship since I kept interactions at a shallow-level. Can this be fixed? I am willing to give it my all and be persistent but I don’t want to seem desperate. Thank you!
admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:41 pm

Sure it can there is definite hope.

K.L. Williams

November 17, 2013 at 3:37 pm

Chris, its me again. So I did no contact in sept, got him back thru ur guide late oct but it was within the first three month period so I was really trying to tread slowly bc I didnt want to mess this up. Well, two weeks ago I start talking about our llyr age difference ( we are on the phone) bc I am scared and dont want to get hurt and I just feel he needs more experience under his belt.( although he has done nothing but just be younger than me) But he tells me that he just wants me, he doesnt care about girls his age. The call accidentally drops and he becomes a text gnat and caller. He pours his heart out, says he wants me, felt like we should grow together and that he doesnt want to be with anyone but me. Even says he hates me cuz im hurting his feelings. My cousin called while he was doing this so i couldnt immediately click over. Finally, I call him back we talk til 6 am and he asks if i want him and i say yes (despite our age difference). He comes over the next day, we have a good time, before he leaves he tells me he wont be in town for my bday bc he and his family are going on vacation. Im cool with it and he kissed me goodbye. Next day, i text him asking if he was still going to do something for my bday bc he wasnt clear about it the night before. He gets mad at me for asking him that saying I should ask him that. I said i was sorry and just didnt know. The next days i try to text him and he ignores them, i let a week go by and text him again he ignores those, i even tell him that I do want him but i just want to take it slow. he ignores that. We are going on two weeks now and iv got nothing from him. I guess i left him with a bad taste and now he doesnt want to talk to me. I can do no contact again but i would have to let at least 4-9 months go by in order for this to work. And even then maybe we should try working on a friendship. I dont know what to do.

Suggestions?

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm

Well what do you think. Do you think the friendship route is best?
K.L. Williams

November 17, 2013 at 9:24 pm

Maybe for now because that way we can still be in each others lives and grow together that way. Nothing forced and if he is with someone, im ok bc my heart isnt in it that. And vise versa, if im with someone, he isnt as hurt. And if we try it again ( to be together) time would have passed of growth and admiration and respect. I care about him so thats what is making this decision so hard because every time i some how push him away when i really want him.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Sounds like an incredibly mature way to look at/handle things.
K.L. Williams

November 17, 2013 at 9:28 pm

And I was hoping you could explain his behavior? Opening his heart one minute saying he wants me to completely ignoring me…
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Maybe he has second thoughts about you.

Elizabeth

November 16, 2013 at 8:52 pm

I see him everyday, and I have learned from mutual friends that he hates me. Where do I go from there? I tried the NC Rule far too late, and then texted him once. He responded.

admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Well, work to get him to NOT hate you.
Elizabeth

November 18, 2013 at 12:50 am

Well how do you recommend I do that? Awhile back I tried to get him to talk about why he was so upset with me- he doesn’t care to discuss it. How do I show him that I have always been genuine with him? I see him every week day. How do I reverse this? I don’t want to text him too often or talk to him too often. If I texted him once, how long should I wait to talk in person?
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:21 pm

I talk about this in the E-Book.

Sophia

November 15, 2013 at 10:32 am

Thanks for your posts they are fab 🙂 Im really busy with work etc at the moment and will be until the new year, i have been chatting a bit via text and phone calls to my ex but I am over him, however we kind of miss hanging out and chatting so we’ve agreed to meet up and do some creative work together in a few months time. He’s been checking out my fb page as he sometimes puts into conversations things he’s seen on there, or comments on my posts.

So is this a long enough gap of not seeing each other for us both to keep it as friends?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Hmmm I think so.

Kate

November 15, 2013 at 5:03 am

he called me twice, and I didn’t pick up the first time. the second time I did answer, (out of curiosity) but I was pretty reserved… at the time I didn’t know if I still wanted him back. does he have negative afterthoughts now? I hope not!

thank you! xo

admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:20 pm

I don’t think so. I think he is more embaressed that he didn’t get you to commit to talking to him the way he wanted.

rach

November 15, 2013 at 2:48 am

Ok, so I didn’t expect to feel the need to do such a detailed play by play, but he has me pushed me there. So I apologize in advance! Haha. Just to give you a little back ground of the conversation; a misfortune has happened within his family and I’m just comforting him over it. I am going to give times towards the end because I think that they are relevant but up to that point the conversation was fast paced with only a minute or two between messages.

Me: Things will get better! Just give it a little time.

Him: We will see. Things haven’t gotten better for me in a long time.

Me: What do you mean?

Him: Nothing, never mind I shouldn’t have said that.
(I’m fairly certain he was implying to our break up)

Me: No, it’s ok.

Me: I know things have been hard. But given the chance, things can always get better.

Him: What do you mean given the chance?

Me: I don’t really know how else to say it. I guess just given a little time may be another way to say it.

Him: Are you trying to say between us or are you just saying time in general for what’s going on?

Me: I was saying for things in general.
(I’M TOTALLY TELLING A LIE)

Him: Oh ok well we’ll just have to wait and see I guess.

Me: I believe things are better between us tho. I’ve missed talking to you.

Him: (6:24) Things are better I told you we would always be friends a long time ago and I’ve missed that too.

Him: (7:04) I told you no matter what happens we will always be friends and I’ll be there for you.

Me: (7:08) I know, you told me that before we ever for together. I’ve never doubted anything you said.

Him: (7:24) Well I just thought I would say it again! You should know you are a great person.

The conversation continues a little more with him keeping it going. So my question is did I get put in the friend zone? The fact that he didn’t just drop the conversation after he he initially said we were friends and he was the one to keep it going makes me think he may have just not wanted to admit that he wants more than a friendship. What is your take on it?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:47 pm

To me it looks like someone who knows he should be friends with you but deep down wants to keep that potential option of more than friends open.
rach

November 15, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Hmmm. Ok well I suppose that I should approach things as tho I’ve been put into the friends zone maybe? I was planning on not talking to him tonight unless he talks to me and then when I go shopping tomorrow ask him if I can send a pic and have him give me his opinion then of he says yes it will be me trying some sexy dress on or something. To me that seems as tho it would be a little enticing, but also putting him in the friends zone and leave him wondering “who is she going to wear that for” so a little jeolousy also. What do you think about that?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:25 pm

I think thats a fantastic idea!

sarah

November 15, 2013 at 1:27 am

Thank you so much for this amazing resourceful site!

I was together with my ex boyfriend for almost three years, but we were friends with benefits before that. The last half year of our relationship was pretty painful for me, I was really depressed and couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I felt neglected by him and at the same time I felt suffocated. I wanted to study abroad but he said he would break it off if I did. Then a friend told me he’d cheated on me with her sister (I’m not sure if it actually happened though, in hindsight it was probably a misunderstanding) and I cheated on him out of anger. After that we broke up. As friends we got along much better and all of my original feelings for him resurfaced again. I was pretty convinced that we might have a chance still but today he said it won’t happen and that he likes someone else. He still wants to be friends like before, probably even friends with benefits again, but I can’t take more of that.
I’ve been working on my self a lot. I’m not exactly depressed anymore although I’m not as happy as I want to be. My self worth is soaring again. I have a job and I plan to go to uni next year. But I’m afraid my ex still sees me as the depressed awkward clingy girl I once was. I’m starting NC now for at least three weeks (there’s a party in three weeks where we’ll both be) and I want to change my apearance by then (dye and cut my hair, lose a little weight). I know it will be tough, but I want to show him what I can stand on my own, that I’m not like before. I’m finally starting to really feel energethically alive again. Truthfully, I hope he’ll miss me. I’ve always been there for him, answering every txt and call. I think I might push him into this other girl’s arms though, but I’ve tried everything else I can think of… And yes, I want him back. So what to do when friendzoned and him having eyes for someone else?

I guess what I really wanted to ask (sorry for the ramble) was if you’re using a media like hangouts or facebook it tells you if the other one has read the message, and it’s just really staring in the face that “oh, she read it and didn’t answer???!?!” That’s the point, right? But it feels kinda cruel… :S

And secondly, I’d like to buy your e-book, but I don’t have a credit card or even paypal. Is there still a way? 🙂

Again, thank you. This site gives me hope that even if I fail to get him back I can still move on as a better person. And sorry again for the rant (I hope I’m not the only one who likes to read rants!)

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Your welcome.

Also, it kind of cruel about the facebook media thing. I think the same thing about when people don’t respond but have read my messages.

As for the E-Book I am afraid credit card or Paypal is the only thing. But its really easy to get a paypal account all you need is a debit card.
sarah

November 15, 2013 at 10:11 am

Our mutual friend told me today that he’s said that he’s completely over me. Do you think there’s still hope? I have this feeling like this new girl is a distraction, but I don’t know if I’m just hoping.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Hmm… I think that actions speak louder than words. What do his actions say?

Kali

November 14, 2013 at 12:18 am

Hi Chris!

am i beyond help? my ex and i had an on-again-off again relationship for about 2 years. i was away for a year but when i came back, we just couldn’t ‘fit’. communication broke down and sex was awful for the most part (fighting caused mental block). we did manage to have good times (including sexually) but very rarely.he cheated and all trust was shattered. but for some reason we kept going back to each other – even though he kept breaking things off. i became a text/caller gnat and week ago he said he didn’t want to be with me in a sexual manner again and that he was done for good. he was there for me during some really tough times though – which is y i am still holding on by a thread. i immediately found your site and have actually completed my first week of NC. but do u think I’m wasting my time? i feel a lot stronger but honestly dont know if to let go or hold on…tx.
k

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:08 pm

NO I think you are just going through the regular NC worries.
Kali

November 15, 2013 at 2:40 am

thanks…but here’s the deal: during to our fights, other girls came into the picture cuz i believe he always kept a spare tyre. when we started getting back together he would not get rid of them -i don’t know if to consider this cheating since we were breaking up so much!
one time, we were doing really well and starting to get back on track and i spent a week at his place. this girl kept calling and texting him demanding to know y he was ignoring her and threatened to delete his number from her phone. i lost my cool and we got into a huge argument and he stated that because of me he cant have any options! well, because of all the tension and medical issues, i cant get turned on by him like b4 – which is a huge issue!
he never confessed to ‘cheating’ but i found concrete proof and one time he told me that i should be confident like HILARY CLINTON because she stood by BILL’S side no matter what – like WTF?? he also said that i had to look at the reasons y stuff was happening because we had many issues.
we tried to make it work several times but i could never trust him again – which meant i could not enjoy him touching me. we were planning to move away and live together but that has been scrapped because he says we have too many issues and that i don’t love him ‘unconditionally’ – and more recently he said that he does not want a relationship with me. the thing is that he knows he can always have me when he wants – but i refuse to be an option when he was my priority! do u think he is cheating because of our issues, or because he just is a cheater? do u still think that we really, really have a shot? k
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Technically it’s not and technically it is. Its a fine line.
Kali

November 15, 2013 at 7:01 pm

see..that’s y i was confused. but what do i do now? do u still think it is worth the effort at all?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Only if you feel like it is.
Kali

November 18, 2013 at 9:26 pm

wow! so cryptic & yoda-like your response is! but i gotcha…honestly a big part of me feels that he should be reaching out to me – so kinda just going with the flow for the period of NC – and yes focus on improving ME! today is day 12 and he has not called or texted once! it really doesnt make me feel good…
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Star Wars?

I think you are my new favorite person.

I understand its hurtful but be patient. Patience is the name of this game.

Gen

November 13, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Hi Chris,
So after 3 months of nc, I texted him, and he was responding really quickly and seemed willing to chat. I ended the texts fairly early on, as per your advice, and am wondering what to do now…we had only dated briefly before he started talking to his ex, who just recently got into a new relationship (not with him btw), so I don’t know if your suggested texting methods would work in this situation…Any advice would be much appreciated!

admin

November 13, 2013 at 9:16 pm

I think just keep chatting with him and try to get a date.

Wondering

November 12, 2013 at 11:09 pm

Hello,

My ex sent me a text out of the blue. I hadn’t spoken to them in over a year. Had been in nc with him. I asked if we could talk and he called immediately. He seemed eager to talk as well. I was prepared with what to say so that the call would go smooth. However, once he was on the phone he seemed a little guarded. This threw me off somewhat because he wasn’t at the place I needed him to be to talk. He seemed to be listening very intently.
The call seemed a little awkward which is not good. We’ve always had chemistry.

When your first call with your ex seems a little awkward , will the ex feel like hmm..maybe there is no more chemistry with her or recognizes it is the first call and won’t leave with that aftertaste (no more chemistry)?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:04 pm

I think if its awkward its more of a nervous type of a deal. You are nervous, he is nervous and you are both trying to keep the conversation going without those long pauses.
Wondering

November 15, 2013 at 12:05 am

Thanks.

Update – haven’t heard from him but I did wish him a happy birthday today. He replied hours later saying thank you so much (in caps).

I’m leaving this alone now. Even though, he confessed a big sentiment to me a few weeks ago, his being distant is causing me to back up. I was the one who initiated nc with him a long time ago so I don’t know if he’s no longer interested or laying back to see if I will chase and to make it seem like I no longer matter to him.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:17 pm

How long ago did you initiate NC?
Wondering

November 15, 2013 at 7:01 pm

A year ago NC was initiated. He told me he loved me recently but now acts distant. I reached out with a text that wasn’t too emotional but he didn’t say anything about it.

He probably thought I was going to ask him why no reply but I didn’t. I’m not trying to come off needy or am going to chase him. However, he responded to the birthday text a few hours after being sent with enthusiasm.

I’m not sending another text. I’m sure he loved the attention from me that wasn’t there for a year, but I think I should go NC.

Do you think he’ll wonder where I went again?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:56 pm

He may wonder. It’s hard to say. But I do think you should go into NC.
Wondering

November 15, 2013 at 12:08 am

Should I go back nc or do you think this is a wrap? He said the three words before. Maybe he just needed me to know how he felt about me and wasn’t looking for more.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:13 pm

I think go bcak into NC and give it one last shot.

rach

November 12, 2013 at 9:51 pm

So I believe everything is going exceptionally well, I’m technically on day five of your “mock week” from your e book and he has initiated conversation a few times which was really nice. I actually texted him this morning knowing he was probably at the gym and told him that I would let him go since he was working out, he then told me that I wasn’t bothering him so I continued the conversation. (I took that as a huge plus since we both hate being bothered while working out but would take the time to talk to each other at those times). He has said things such as; he had really looked forward to meeting my family and that he had looked forward to me meeting his. Is him saying things like that a positive thing?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Sweet nice reference from the E-Book with the mock week.

I think it is a positive thing.

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