37 thoughts on “How To Make Him Realize What He Lost”

  1. Avatar

    Shelley

    June 22, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    This has been one rollercoaster of a breakup. I was dating a coworker for about 6 months. He left me for another girl. He blocked me on all forms of social media and wouldn’t even look at me at the office. After about 3 months he started to warm up to me and be friendly at the office. I had implemented no contact (not that I had much of a choice) and worked on myself. I started working out every day and got involved in the community. After about 6 months he started flirting with me via work im and bringing up old times together. He unblocked me from Facebook though did not add me as a friend. The im’s continued for another month and then I was unblocked from Instagram but did not follow me. It didn’t take long before he was messaging me on Instagram. I did not respond. He sent me an im at work asking why I didn’t respond and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable being friends outside of the office while he was still in a relationship with that other girl. He said he understood and apologized for what happened. We continued our friendship at work. He sent me another dm on Insta about a month later saying he saw me at a stoplight and I did not wave at him. After I told him not to message me on there again. Our work im’s got progressively more flirty through the months. He even called my work phone and told me he missed the sound of my voice. The messages eventually moved back to Instagram because they got too graphic in nature for the office. He then stopped it saying he had a girlfriend and this wasn’t right. I told him that I had assumed it was over between them by the way he had been acting towards me. The work ims slowed down after that and were strictly work related. That’s when he started viewing all of my Instagram stories. He does not follow me. He has to search for me to watch them. We then both joined our work softball team. We did not speak at softball. After the game that night he actually texted me. No more dm’s. My number had been unblocked. He just wanted to tell me I played well. I said thank you and he kept trying to keep the convo going. I told him I would speak to him at work. Two weeks later he texted me one night to apologize for being snarky in a work related request he had sent to me. We have not texted or im’d Since but he is still viewing every single one of my Instagram stories. This was about a month ago. It has now been a year and a half since things have ended and I am so confused by what is going through his head. Why does he still look at my Instagram? Why does he want a friendship with me? Why is he still with that other girl? What else can I do?

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    Ceara

    June 22, 2019 at 12:41 am

    Hi, Chris. I really enjoy your articles. I’m in a situation where a guy broke up with me last year (end of June 2018, actually, so almost to the day). It was fairly amicable but I definitely did not want to break up with him and was really heartbroken about the relationship ending. I did NC for three months, saw him again, he was warm (gave me a hug) but then immediately formal, unemotional with me. To be fair, he was at work (he works at a wine store) so I get that he was at work and didn’t want to get into anything there. But that behavior just made me not want to see him for a loooong time. Cut to a month ago (so just to keep score, we’re talking 8 months of NC since our last face to face), I go into the store, he’s very warm and friendly, gives me a hug. He helps me carry my purchases to my car, asks me how I’m doing, what projects I’m working on. He says, “you should hang out sometime” (meaning come to a wine tasting). I told him I haven’t been to a tasting because I haven’t heard from him so I didn’t think he wanted to see me. BTW he’s NEVER reached out to me so I take that to mean he doesn’t miss me or want me back). Also, honestly, I’m not going to a wine tasting to watch my ex-boyfriend work and have him be distracted and ignore me. THEN…he asked if I’d like to get coffee sometime. I said, sure, that would be great, and I really mean that. I would be nice to have a coffee with him, but…my question is, WHY does he want to get coffee after all this time when he has made no effort to contact me since he dumped me? Also, is it even worth it to be the Ungettable Girl at our coffee? I don’t know what he wants from me. Thanks.

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    Aly

    June 16, 2019 at 3:49 am

    Chris,
    my ex and I of 1 month have been broken up for about a week. In the first couple of days, I slipped up and sent a dreaded, “I wish we could start over, bc I miss you” text. since then, he has texted me about how he LOVED ME, cares about meand ” hates that he doesn’t see me”, that “im amazing/a gem”, but kept apologizing and saying it was dumb,”he shouldn’t have said anything.” I was still angry about the breakup so I responded with “i loved you too, but you hurt me in these ways, (lists ways) and said that “I’m not willing to give him the chance to hurt me again”. he responded with, “i’ll stop, i’m sorry, move on from me if that’s what you need” I feel like I have given him the message that I am not interested in getting back together by saying this, even though I want him back so badly! Did I ruin my chances? please give advice! <3

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    Helen

    June 15, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. He cheated on me, then begged me to stay with him, then said he loved me but that the relationship was too much work. We fought a lot during the past few months, and he has a tendency to cut off his emotions when he is angry for periods at a time. I have been no contact since we broke up, except I was still in touch with his family up until a week ago. I found out he told them I would come begging for him back within 2 weeks, and that he could do anything and I would still come begging for him back. We work together so I have seen him a few times, I remain unbothered, he looks mad when he sees me. I’ve been working on myself, meditating, I joined a ballet and salsa class, taking yoga classes in the park, enjoying my life. At this point, I am wondering if I should do 45 days no contact, or if I should just stick with no contact indefinitely until he reaches out to me? Thanks for any advice!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 15, 2019 at 10:47 pm

      HI Helen…usually its best to put a expiration date on your NC period. My Program teaches you how to initiate contact when the NC period is over. But it is much more than that as there are a lot of moving parts to an effective ex recovery strategy.

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    Nazaret Vallejo

    June 15, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    Just a quick question I haven’t seen ANYWHERE at all. Will no contact work if she’s in a group chat where I am? I don’t want to leave it because I have great friends in there, though sometimes she shows up and when she does I say I have to go.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 15, 2019 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Nazaret….so I think you can effectively implement NC under those circumstances. Check out my Program for details.

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    Kitty

    June 15, 2019 at 11:30 am

    Tara – I feel your pain. I had my long-term bf tell me he ‘wasn’t on Bumble’ until I showed him the screenshot. Then that he ‘was only on there to check if you were’ – I didn’t even know what it was. I broke up with him – I felt I had no choice as he’d done it once before. We weren’t getting on well. I felt we needed space and I had to work on getting back to my happy self. Now there’s another woman and I feel sick, anxious etc. all the time.

    Don’t worry about the rebound girl – this is typical behaviour. He thinks he can do better. He’s already regretting that, as he can’t stop contacting you. Don’t give in. Give him time to miss you. Work on yourself. Take time to process what he’s done with these bloody dating websites, and see if you can see why, and maybe forgive him – or maybe not, and no-one would blame you.

    This article is awesome advice.

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    Tara

    June 12, 2019 at 2:55 am

    My discovered my long distance boyfriend had a profile on Match. I confronted him and he deleted it. Saying it was old and a joke. I didn’t believe him. But I drew a solid boundary. I said it goes, or I go. The following month we met as we were trying to move forward. Well, while in bed and looking at his phone, a Bumble notification appears on his screen. I have never been on a dating app so have no clue how this works. He tells me that it is for networking. Even though it says dating. We fought all weekend over it. It ruined our time together. He of course denied it all. When I got home, I set myself up an account and found his profile that read looking for a long term relationship. I again confronted him and sent pics. His reply was it doesn’t say a romantic long term relationship. So the shock of it all kept me around for another few weeks. I was trying to navigate it all in my mind. 4 yrs combined friendship and relationship all ending. Shortly after this he started dating someone. And it became sexual quite quickly. I know this because all his patterns changed. 2.5 weeks ago I called at 8pm which was the time we ALWAYS spoke and he didn’t answer AGAIN. I knew what was going on. This time I left messges questioning what was going on. The next morning I got a reply that said….nothing specific. As close as we are, I no longer feel as connected to you as in the past. I didn’t reply. I was fuming and insulted. 2 hrs later he texted saying, “i’m just being honest”. Something in me shifted. I felt done. I didn’t reply and went into instant NC. I still don’t understand why all the lies and denying. I chose to keep the drama out and for once not react. I feel better. I was sick with anxiety knowing he was with someone else and playing me for a fool. At first he sent a couple of texts. Basically saying its too bad I decided to stop speaking to him. Then he texted saying I miss interrupted his words as a full rejection unless I stopped talking to him for other reasons. Then it was quiet till yesterday. He texted asking me to please consider calling him. That he needs answers to get closure. And today he called but left no message. I am so confused but holding NC. It seems like all his texts are just about him. There is no I miss you. Zero I’m sorry. And there won’t be I guess because it seems he seems clueless to the fact I know about his girlfriend. Why does he care if he has moved on? I feel so lost. Don’t know how to handle all this. This sucks.

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    Maria

    June 11, 2019 at 7:25 am

    Hi Chris,

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend 9 months ago and been having trouble moving on after being together for a year. When my ex and I first met he was still getting over a previous breakup I found that out later in the relationship after I caught feelings. He would show me he cared about me by doing sweet things like making me breakfast, taking me out on my birthday doing boyfriend usual stuff. But right after our 1 year anniversary he said he was not ready to say I love you yet and told me that he has love for me but is not in love with me whatever that means? After going through so much with him (we were on and off again for the first 4 month) I decided to end it because I felt after being together for a year and going through so much with him it was too much of a blow. Why do some men take a while to say I love you when they have shown it before with actions? Did I read his actions wrong as him just being a nice guy?

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    Aditi

    June 9, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    Hey Chris,
    Its been six months since i had break up.I decided to move on because my ex is distracted boyfriend.and i think we are not compatible for each other (because of religion,age, society, his behaviour) but i silently still cry alot to want him back. I really miss him badly.My ex was my teacher (immoral relationship) ;'( .He left the college.Now my exam results are out.I want to talk to him about my career.Can i call and talk to him or is it bad idea? Because he was the one who made me interested in studies and now i don’t feel any interest in studies i really miss him badly.i just don’t know what to do.i am unable date anyone because everytime he is in my mind.it feels like i am doing wrong even if i try to start new relationship. It seems i lost trust in love.because he left without letting me know he is leaving me and college for further studies. :'( how can i trust anybody now after being betrayed many times in my all relationships.
    Hey Chris please help me… My mind is not working at all.i always keep smiling to show i am happy. i had done no contact and workout and had been with friends,family,relatives, pet, travelled many places . but i am unable to take him out of my mind.my academic scores are going down because i keep missing him.
    Kindly reply soon Chris.i need your help .

  10. Avatar

    Jen

    June 9, 2019 at 5:41 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago due to us both going through some different stuff regarding mental health. While i know that we both have things to work on and things that could’ve been better in the relationship, i truly love him and want him back. I know there’s major things i need to work on regarding myself and i want to do that. But i also want him back as soon as possible since he’s moving states for his career in 2 months. After staying in some contact the first weeks, This last week i had been doing no contact but he texted me yesterday checking in, and i gave in and replied. We said we’d stay best friends so doing no contact for the 3 weeks is hard when i know to be friends we need contact. I know that it’s said that after breaking NC you should start from scratch but that’s a long time to ignore him if he checks in again. I’m worrried that’ll make me lose him as a friend and potentially getting him back completely.

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