5,813 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

  1. Avatar

    Lindsey

    August 6, 2013 at 9:35 am

    I’m about to begin No Contact with my missing-in-action (for the last month) boyfriend of a year and a half. Problem is, his birthday is in a couple days. Should I wait to start no Contact until after I send him a “happy birthday” text (he hasn’t tried to make plans with me for his bday)? Or, should I start right away? Any help is very much appreciated :-/

    1. admin

      admin

      August 7, 2013 at 2:46 am

      I would say start NC right now and don’t worry about sending a happy birthday text.

  2. Avatar

    annie

    July 31, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    Hello good afternoon,
    me and my ex boyfriend broke up a month ago after a rude comment i made escalated into a bad argument in which he said he was “tired of trying and arguing” at the moment i was intoxicated so my behavior wasnt approapiate. I then gave it two days and wrote a letter expressing my deep regret and apologizing leaving flowers in his room, the approach was unsuccessful. i have since gone no contact in which i have deleted my twitter, avoided running into him on purpose and havent made any direct contact with him. I had a weak moment this morning in which i checked his twitter and saw something so heart breaking he tweeted “talking to an EX sparks unnecessary feelings that arent there. its all at the moment sh*t. thats why stay awway from such encounter lol.” ive been working on new hobbys and positive attitude to begin contact with him to soon but does his message show that all my hope is gone, i genuinely want to have a relationship with him again

    1. admin

      admin

      August 1, 2013 at 5:17 am

      Look at it from his perspective. He is angry with you, and probably despises you…

      BUT

      That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings for you. His message is coming from a place of anger and anger makes people say things that aren’t true.

  3. Avatar

    Lanie

    July 31, 2013 at 1:33 am

    Hi! My bf and I were in a relationship for a year. Very happy, good times, he treated me like a queen. We had a minor argument around xmas time where he ignored me for 3 days, another arugument about 4 mos ago where he ignored me for 3 weeks. He’s been stressed out lately with some personal issues with his daughter and in the process of telling his friend to move of his house who’s been living there for 3 years rent free. He was having a real hard time with this, talking about it all the time but not making any moves. About a month ago, we had our normal happy weekend, although he was acting a bit detached, I knew something was wrong, we went to a wedding and he started an argument and we left. I stayed the night and left in the morning after he said he needed a day to himself. He completely ignored me for 2 weeks, told his friends, not me he was done with me. I did not follow the NCR and made things worse. I went up to his house wanting to talk to him, he was angry but we talked for 3 hours, he made statements such as I need time but we will work this out together, I’m in system overload and unfortunately your my outlet. I asked him how much time he needed, a week, month, the summer and he said not that long, he would take some time for himself and contact me. I respected that and left and did not contact him until 3 days later I saw his profile on a dating site. He immediately blocked me from the dating site, and his cell phone and told me if I leave him any messages he will press charges against me. He never blocked me from facebook although we were never friends on there, did not block my work cell. I made a complete fool of myself after I saw the profile and went ballistic. He called 4 days later and yelled and screamed, contradicted himself over and over again and said, “I’m done, bye bye” and hung up. No contact rule went into effect that day. It’s been 1 month we are apart and almost a week no contact. He is admittedly extremely stubborn, had no problem saying he can walk away from someone he loves, and I found out he did this to his last gf of 4 years, broke up for months at a time and got back with her. I was told by a good friend of his that he put me on a pedestal and said he was everything he was looking for and surpassed his last gf he was very much in love with. I do love this man very much and want things to work out. I don’t know if I ruined everything with all the crazy calls I made or if he is really completely done with our relationship. I want him to miss me but we do not live close and do not have the same friends. Any input would be appreciated.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 31, 2013 at 2:37 am

      The crazy calls weren’t great.

      Have you gone NC?

    2. Avatar

      Lanie

      July 31, 2013 at 9:05 pm

      Yes been almost a week. He also pulled his dating profile off.

  4. Avatar

    Laurn

    July 29, 2013 at 1:10 am

    I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. It was beyond wonderful. Here’s a few details that were pieces said in this article. He said he loved me first, he mentioned marriage and children and wanting to spend the rest of his life with me first. He has said multiple times I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him.
    Ok so at the moment we are barely talking, I haven’t seen him in a week(which is the longest it’s ever been, even when I was away at college I saw him 2 times a week)
    Before this week he was living with me, but only for a month it was because he was changing places. When he was able to move back he did, and I haven’t seen him since, we weren’t fighting or having problems I actually liked him living with me. But I think he felt like he owed me to much like it was a big favor that he couldn’t repay for letting him live with me for a month no charge. I didn’t mind it wasn’t like it was his “home” plus before he moved in he stayed the night 3-4 times a week anyways and we were looking for apartments to get together. We’ve talked about getting engaged(and soon) he was going to get me a ring for our one year but then he lost his job & decided to wait. His friend just got engaged and as soon as he did he wasn’t able to spend time with his friends anymore, she made rules and started acting crazy overprotective. So his friends getting ready to get married to a girl who tries to boss & control everything, I think he thinks ill start to be like that but I won’t. I think he was getting worried because when he lived with me I had a reasonable time for him to be home by, so I would be up to late & have the dogs bark when everyone was asleep, but it was like 1am or 2am that he came in and most the time I was asleep anyway. It was late! He was used to hanging out with his friends everyday and sometimes till 4 or 5am and doing whatever, but he was still texting me & I knew when he was home and about what was actually going on in his life. Now that he’s moved out, we haven’t talked or seen eachother in a week. It’s so unlike him, he still texts me goodnight I love you but allll day nothing and I don’t hear that from him till 1am or later.
    I was giving him his space because truthfully I missed having my girlfriends over & going out to hangout when he was living with me. I’ve been giving him space like this suggests but I’m done with it. He says he’s coming over then ends up hanging out with his friends. He makes excuses and says he “might have to work tonight”….at 7pm. Yeah my ass he doesn’t get called in late, then later he says I’m at the shop with the guys ill probably come over tomorrow. He’s never been like this?!?!? I don’t know what has happened. But I gave him space, he didn’t wana text or call or come over for a week….I let him. But now I’m a pissed B**** I deserve better then this shit. What do I do? I love him we were getting ready to get engaged, I know he’s stressed about a new job, and family problems that recently happened but is that what’s making him do this? I wish he would just talk to me, I don’t even feel like we’re in a relationship anymore. I want it to be back the way it was. I want him to stop wanting to hangout with his friends every single day allday long, when I haven’t seen him or talked or barely had a text once this week.

    ^^^Well this I wrote b4 we broke up. We broke up 3 days after this. It wasn’t a yelling screaming kind of fight but we both cried. I think he thinks he’s not good enough for me because he didn’t have a job and couldn’t pay for anything and was living with me, he said i would find someone that could make me happier and be able to give me more. He said it would stop hurting and i would be better off? We’ve broken up before because he thought he wasn’t good enough for me. Well we’ve been broken up for two weeks now and we’ve been talking, but I’m the first one to say something. He still says he misses me and that he loves me every night when we still say goodnight. But he got a job and is making good money. He has even told me how much, and it is ALOT! My question is, will we get back together? He said we would if it was meant to be and we cross paths, but we haven’t really left each others path exactly cause we still talk everyday….
    Now that he’s happy with himself and has a job, now that he might feel good enough for me…will we get back together?? I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him:/

    1. admin

      admin

      July 29, 2013 at 4:01 am

      Well, if I was a wizard I would cast a spell to put you back together trust me. However, I am not so I can’t guarantee that you will be together again. I can tell you that if you follow the advice on my site you improve your chances of getting him back significantly.

  5. Avatar

    Lucie

    July 28, 2013 at 11:05 pm

    Hi Admin,

    I come across to your website when my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. It feel horrible and I was cried in the first week. I miss him so much. Luckily, when he broke up with me. I was in control, calm and maturely and reasonably understand and agree to what he say. Actually in my mind, I am not agree but situation has not give me a choice. So, I agree to become friend with him.
    In first week, I cried a lot. I was not used to it. When bump in to him, I have to pretending smile, say hello, stay strong , and act maturely and friendly. It was hard. I tear out at night. So, no one can see. After I cried a lot, I realize how much I actually love him. Why he break up with me?:( that question was in my head all the time).

    Then, I start answer my question and I need to do something about it. I start to searching how to get ex boyfriend back. I found many advise from many website and I come across your website and I think it will be use full. I follow it. It is work. Luckily, that I did not text and contact him at all after break up because I was too up set to talk to him. I follow step by step. I change my physical appearance, social with friend, go gym, went away for holiday, don’t contact him, be friend with him when we bump too each other, ignore him some time in the meeting, be wonderful and smile all the time.

    He text me in second week and call my nick name. I just answering back friendly and chat a little bit and cut him off. Then he came around to my office often and start to flirt at me. I just smile and laugh to what he did some time. He was asked me out and I did turn up with friend and stay for little bit. Then, I leave him alone.

    I would like to thank you for your article. It is working a lot. He has shown many sign that he miss me. However, I would like to know what is next step when ex start to come back with me. How could I attract him more to make him love me more and commit it? Please kindly advise.:)

    Best regard,
    Lucie

    1. admin

      admin

      July 29, 2013 at 3:51 am

      Hi Lucie,

      Do you mind if I use your comment as a testimonial of this process working?

      The next step would be to get him on a one on one date and talk to him about your previous relationship and make him fall in love with you again!

  6. Avatar

    Shweta

    July 27, 2013 at 7:45 am

    Hi…please advice:
    Me and boyfriend were in long distance relationship from almost 1 year (From 22nd August, 2012). Things were going really great and we both were totally into each other. We used to chat over texts all day and in the night we used to talk over phone. He proposed me for marriage and we used to do planning for our future. Inshort everything was great and we never had any kind of arguement or fight. I met him first time in Jan 2013 and after that we became more closer to each other. Things were really fine till march. But from April he has started ignoring me. We used to chat all day but after april we chat 3-4 times a week. When i asked him the reason he said that because he has started drinking a lot thats why he is not contacting me. I have tried doing breakup 2 times but he always stopped me saying that he loves me so much and want to marry me only because he can not get a girl like me. I gve me another chance but after that also i did not find him making any efforts in saving a relationship. After 1 month he informed me that why he was ignoring is because his dad want him to marry a girl of their same caste but he will try and convince his dad because he really want me to see as his wife (That is his words). But after 1 month of this talk also i did not find him taking any efforts. I again told him that its better if you listen to your parents. He cried and said that give me 2 months time…August end i will tell you whether i can marry you or not. I did not like this thing as i felt he is taking me as an option. Still i waited for him 1 month. But during that 1 month also he contacted me whenever he wants (3-4 times a week), he did not realized that i am only waiting for him. I was so shattered and used to cry alone. Finally last monday ( 22nd July, 2013) i told him that my parents want me to get marry with a boy and on sunday boy is coming to see me (Just a lie to check whether he get jealous or will he stop me. He replied that “its ok…no tension…let me know whatever happens”. I just dusconnected the phone saying ok bye. After that he did not call or message me.Yesterday i just sent him thae message that i was lying to you. no one is coming to see me on sunday. I just wanted to check whether you are worthy to wait for and i just brokeup with him over message saying that you have lost me forever because i can not be with a guy who cant not respect me. After that also he did not replied. What should do now? How can i make him miss me. I was so attached to him. I really need true advice. What should be my next step?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 28, 2013 at 4:13 am

      You might want to check out the How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back article. It has everything you need in there.

  7. Avatar

    Sam

    July 26, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    My ex broke up with me just over 5 months ago and we have been in no contact since it happened pretty much. His reasons were that he didnt feel the same anymore…but I think the real reason was that he got scared and we were fighting alot and he wanted to be hassle free like his single friends…he also doenst know what he wants to do with his life. I was devastated because he’d asked me about marriage and he wanted me to move in to his house. He told me innitailly we’d be friends but he felt too guilty to talk to me. We are still friends on twitter and fb.

    We’ve had absolutely no contact. Ive seen a few potential smoke signals from him but i haven’t responded and he also seems to be overly confident now and more active online now. He has bumped into my sister and was overly friendly and acted like nothing ever happened and waves to her whenever he sees her. He also asked a mutual friend how I was when she mentioned me in a conversation but he still hasnt reached out to me.

    He is still single and seems to be laying low but of course he could be dating. I dont want to break NC…but do you think he will contact me eventually? We dated for 2.5 years and have know each other for about 6. We know lots of the same people and Im sure in time we’ll bump into each other…I’m just really disappointed that he hasnt tried to see if I was ok. It’s like he’s had no problem moving on and hasnt looked back. I’ve done all of the mentioned things to improve myself and happiness but thinking about the situation is still very hurtful at times.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 28, 2013 at 3:48 am

      Why don’t you want to break NC. You have gone above and beyond already. I think you have an opportunity here to patch things up.

    2. Avatar

      Sam

      July 29, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      Thankyou for your reply.

      …I don’t want to break NC because I feel like seeing as he ended the relationship it’s him who should be trying to reconnect. I also remember that when we were just friends he really chased after me.

      I just don’t get why ask he’d someone else how I am if he wants to know? Could he just have been polite to both my friend and sister? Its been a month and I still haven’t heard from him at all.His friends are still nice to me and I know he didn’t tell them we hadn’t broken up for until he had to.

      What would your advice be…how would I contact him and what would I say?

    3. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 1:48 am

      Well, the rules may be a little different now and you might have to extend an olive branch to get him to start the chase. After all, he chased you when you were friends and still were on talking terms.

      Umm.. text messages are your best bet and pretty much the outline on this page is the way to go.

    4. Avatar

      Sam

      July 29, 2013 at 1:51 pm

      And why do you advice I break NC?

    5. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 1:49 am

      Cause you have already been in it long enough haven’t you? It is only supposed to last 30 days.

  8. Avatar

    ConfusedGirl

    July 26, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Hi. I really need your help. Here is this guy that I met online after I saw his going on the same party as me. And So we started to chat online and after few days of chatting we really became really close to each other. We first met for real on that party and we spent whole night together just hugging and talking. We really connected. After that party we talked and I saw how he really is starting to falling for me. And I wasnt really happy about that because I wasn’t sure if i like him. But we decided to go on a date two weeks later. And that date was awful. We spent around 8 hours together and in a first second that I came I saw he is really in a bad mood. I was teying so hard to make it work and he was still all that way. Acting really weird and just ignoring. One day later he told me he just want to be a friend with me. And i was mad because whole this time he was showing me how much he is intrested in something more and then in one sec he changed his mind. Thats when i realized i like him. And few days later we talked and we both agreed he should take some time. So he did. One week and after one week i texted him and said i think this is silly because he should know if he likes me or not. And we talked a bit and then he started to ignoring me. After two weeks i texted him again like im totally over him and asked him about one of his friends about some stupid thing. And we talked a bit. And then i decided not to text him back. And after 12 days he texted me again. And now its one week since that and I still havent replied. Please help me what to do. Please. Im so confused. I miss him so much but on the other hand i think i deserve more than some stupid childish guy that cant decide what he wants in his life. Please help me 🙁

    1. admin

      admin

      July 28, 2013 at 3:46 am

      Do a No Contact Rule. I think that is really key in your situation.

      But technically you never dated him so you need to work on building attraction from him after NC.

  9. Avatar

    Shweta

    July 26, 2013 at 8:28 am

    Me & my boyfriend were in Long Distance relationship for almost 1 year. Relationship was perfect and we never had any kind of arguement or fightS. Even we had planned for marriage. We used to discuss about our future. But from last 5 months things are really not going well. He started ignoring me. Whenever i ask he always says that he was over drunk and thats why he didnt contacted. Finally after 3 months he called me and said that his dad is forcing him to get marry to a girl of their caste. He was explaining that to me and was crying. I told him its ok & do whatever your dad wants. He said no he wants me only & he cant find girl like me again and said that i should give him 2 months time. After 2 months only he can tell me whether he wanna stick to me or moving with his dad choice (Am i a option for him?. I was ok and used to console him but deep inside i was completely shattered. He calls & texts me whenever he wants and say i love you and i am sorry i am hurting you blah blah. I dont want to be an option for anyone & i wanted to make sure that i am waiting for a right guy. Thats why i called him last monday and told that one guy is coming on sunday to our home and my dad want me to consider him for a marriage (Just a lie to make him jealous and to show that i am also having options). He said that its ok…i dont have any problem..whatever happens just let me know. I was shocked by this reaction of him. After that he did not even called or messaged me…i was expectiong that he will call and will try to stop me. Now wehat should i do? Will he call me? What i need to do to make him feeling jealous and to get him back?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 28, 2013 at 3:44 am

      Hi there,

      I am not entirely sure if your marriage jealousy ploy was the best idea. It is a little too much for my taste.

      He still has feelings for you but you may have crushed him to the point of where he doesn’t want to talk to you because it hurts too much. The good news is that you are in the power seat and can kind of control things. I think you should reach out to him in a few days and see if he wants to get a casual cup of coffee.

  10. Avatar

    Wossen

    July 24, 2013 at 2:03 am

    Hey,
    I was wondering if you can help me out with somethings.

    introduction:
    My boyfriend and i dated for 3 years and maybe two months now. He’s wonderful, he was into the relationship i on the other hand wasn’t i was cruel, distant, naggy, jealous, complained, argued a lot etc. i admit i have depression, i pushed people away and i did exactly that to him, last month near the very end of it he said he thought a break was best for us if we wanted to continue. We went on a break and he would text here and there saying morning or good night etc and i would reply back. We didn’t see each other for about 10 days. i dont remember exactly how it was decided to meet up but it was and i did an act that i thought was right i took him to where we first met and we talked about starting over again. We kissed went out for dinner.

    Middle: So we start over but i had it in my mind that starting over meant we were going to be who we were then but just no arguing and etc i guess it was the wishful thinking in me that made me think like that, looking back at it i did apologize a lot, during our starting over part and i feel i wanted to see him lots there were times were i dressed up nicely and he would compliment me and about me smelling good. We went out to rollerblade cause new things is good for a relationship thats starting over, that was on friday i fell and i dunno why but i got upset and we had a little argument, the next day he said that there was moments during us skating that he felt we were going to be okay and then there were moments where he knew we were going on the path we were on before ( the part of me falling and us arguing. We spent the next day together it went pretty well actually.

    Dead end: At this point i feel like changing my hair style, getting a nose ring (something ive always wanted), i want to try the no talking for a month deal but i hoenstly dont know if its best for our relationship because he says he knows me loves me he just doesnt know if we will be successfull cause of the past performances and he says he doesn’t know what he needs which i dont blame him cause who wants to be with a girl like me (what i mention in the intro) i wouldnt wanna be with me. Things are different he doesn’t call me baby, or flirt as much, or does the cute little things he use to do he says its cause his mind wont allow him as of yet he says his mind isn’t 100% into it which scares me but the fact that he loves me and wants to try is giving me hope. I messed up i know this but what do i do, how can i get him back how can i make him miss me and want me and how can i get ALL of his heart back?

    thanks in advance

    1. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 4:44 am

      Ok well, I think what I can tell you is that you need to give him something worth wanting to go back to.

      If you are just the same ole you then that isn’t a compelling reason to come back now is it? I don’t think there is anything wrong with you personally but he obviously does so you need to do things that can improve yourself. Work on getting that depression taking care of. Work on losing weight if you are overweight. Work on being as sexy as you can be!

    2. Avatar

      Wossen

      August 13, 2013 at 12:38 am

      well i tend to nag and i think i’m overly jealous. i dont trust a word he says and he says it increases his lack of wanting to be with me. As of right now the past two weeks have been good. We got into a fight yesterday over something really stupid so stupid i have no clue what we really were fighting about. But i felt like he was flirting with another female but when i calmed down and looked at it again he really wasn’t i just really have trust issues. And i dont know if i can ever trust him or anyone to be honest. i know this is something I have to work on and it’s not his fault. But i wish he can understand why i have trust issues but i can’t open up to him.

      anyways the fight yesterday put us both in the “old” us and i dont want to go back into the old us so i feel like just confessing and explaining him to why i got mad yesterday as well as resolving the problem rather then just letting it linger so it could always be there cause i know if its always there we will fight about it not now but later on.

      He says i never appreciated him when he was head over heels for me and he doesn’t know if he can ever go back but i know we can if we work on it. He says he has steel over his heart now so i guess he’s really hurt by how i treated him knowing this and as a guy how can i get him to be head over heels over me again how can i melt the steel over his heart? i didn’t mean to make him feel like this i dont wanna be this monster

    3. admin

      admin

      August 13, 2013 at 3:25 am

      Go NC for a few days. Maybe a few months actually.

      I don’t think you two should be talking right now if you are going to constantly get in fights!

  11. Avatar

    Aly

    July 23, 2013 at 10:59 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me last week. We’ve been together for more than 2 and a half years. I feel like we’ve been in a rough patch lately because every time we’d fight we’d feel like the only solution was to seperate. But I can’t say I was expecting it because in the end we wouldn’t break up and we seemed to really try again. So when he broke up with me last week it was honestly surprising. It’s barely going into the first week and I know I already messed up that NC rule. I just wish I knew about it before. I can tell he is doing it though because he won’t reply to me. We never talked about why we broke up, so that whole “end of relationship conversation” still hasn’t been discussed. At this point I’m lost and I don’t know what to do. I know we really care about each other and love each other. But I mean last night I had called him and he messaged me once saying “Please stop calling me.” That was pretty much it. Is he really over me? Or is he just hurting? He’s suddenly different, I don’t know if he is having personal problems or its really because of me. I mean how can it happen so fast. Is the NC rule too late for me to still try and get him to miss me?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 4:04 am

      By all means, the NC rule sounds perfect for your situation. I don’t think it’s too late at all.

    2. Avatar

      Aly

      July 24, 2013 at 8:51 am

      We actually talked for a short period of time today. He messaged me saying hey and we asked each other how we were doing. He said that he misses me, but as a friend. Of course I wasn’t strong enough to not talk to him and I replied saying that I miss him too because he is someone so close to me.
      I just need more advice on what to do. Should I really stop and pull through with the NC rule? Now I know he misses me, but will it ever be that he will miss me being his girlfriend?

    3. admin

      admin

      July 25, 2013 at 2:03 am

      The keyword there is “friend” if he misses you like a friend you still have a lot of work to do. Fall off the map a little bit and work on evolving during NC and then come back to him. If you have fears about that though let me know and we can work through them.

  12. Avatar

    larryL

    July 23, 2013 at 5:11 am

    Hi,
    we being dating for 3 and half years and he treated me very well he spoiled me and i didn’t treat him very well…..so there was one big fight and i was mad i told him that we r not suitable and broke up…and he agreed….so i was shocked because he would never do that…and I never should he would….anyways i was regreted….but he doesn’t trust me that i would change anymore, it was 1 month and half ago…. we were in contact on and off,,,
    And I just went NCR for 1st day and he started to contact me ask me about if i going out with other guys(because his frd saw me was hanging out with other guy alone) n i just replied a few mins later he got mad, and i told him im not, but he’s like questioning me… n the 2rd day ask me how am i doing these days(but he was talkin to me the day b4…lol) n he start to questioning me about why i went drinking(because i met his frd at that party…)so i just told him that i need to hang out with frds, and that’s my gf’s bday…..

    also he is seeing other girl too as i kno….(he never cheated he just went in a rebound im sure) why could he get mad when he is seeing other girl too……and he said was using that girl to try to forget me… he also said he still love me, and it’s just different when he with that girl than with me …that he wants to get back with me in half year and wanna get married with me and start all over again but not now….rite now he wants freedom and he said if we get back he doesn’t want it as get back together,he want it as a new start like we start new again…. it was b4 i started the NCR and i feel like what if he changes his mind later so i FOUND your article thank you for the articles i read them all… but i still need some suggestion…

    what should I do next?….Do u think I will have big chance to get him back?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 3:51 am

      Hi there,

      Well, make sure you complete your entire NC period with no slip ups. So, if you break no contact you will have to start over again.

      Work on improving yourself during NC to be the best version of you that you can be.

      If you have any more questions just feel free to ask them.

  13. Avatar

    alka

    July 23, 2013 at 2:48 am

    If during NC period he asked to hang out with him.. should i go .. ??

    1. admin

      admin

      July 23, 2013 at 3:29 am

      No Mam

  14. Avatar

    Yose

    July 23, 2013 at 1:44 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago, were going into our third. I would break up with him constantly because i felt he wasnt being the type of boyfriend i wanted him to be. I guess i’ll admit that i was being super picky and getting mad at him for the smallest things. The couple times that i broke up with him before it’d be like a day thing until he would eventually blast my phone with phinecalls and text messeges and drive to my house to apologize
    Which then i would forgive him for
    I think i took advantage of this though because this time that i was actually serious, atleast i thought at the time, he didnt visit me, he didnt call. Nothing. All he did was text me telling me how much he missed me, how he couldnt sleep just thinking about me. I would ignore his texts with the expectatiom that he would miss me so much that he’d eventually show up at my doorstep and apologize. That didnt happen though. He mentioned that he has been tempted to and that hes wanted to come super badly but that he couldnt. What is holding him back? Has he moved on? I dont want to text him because i want to seem like the bigger person. But i miss him like you have no idea. I am deeply in love with h i was just being immature and ive realized that now.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 23, 2013 at 3:26 am

      He is NC ruling you and it’s working you do realize this right. Why did you break up with him when you clearly love him?

    2. Avatar

      Yose

      July 23, 2013 at 1:52 am

      He hasnt texted me in 5 days… does he miss me? He seems so happy in his photo’s partying and hanging out with friends and some girls that he claimed were only friends in our relationship. I’m just so confused.

  15. Avatar

    Jenni

    July 22, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    So I just broke up with my boyfriend and it was kind of out of no where. I’m usually the one who trys to make things better and he just never knew what to say or put any effort. We had a small argument about how we both are feeling trapped and he just came out n said we should go our separate ways. I agreed but deep down I didn’t want to. I wanted to make it work. I love this man. I mean I put so much into our relationship so It hurt when he was the one who said to break up. We ended it in a mutual kinda of way because I agreed to what he said n thought it would be the best. I’m all for the no talk no text for a month (although its gonna be difficult) but I want him to miss me like I am. I’m afraid that he will never try to communicate again.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 23, 2013 at 3:19 am

      You make your own luck Jenni!

      If he doesn’t text you again then SO WHAT. You can text him and work your game!

  16. Avatar

    Heather

    July 22, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    Ok, this is very lengthy but interesting and I could really use your help. It started last October (for me) we both had some stressors in our lives that just drove us apart, we had decided we were not sure if we should be together or not. I had already spent months planning his 30th birthday party and was going to follow through with it. We had “both” decided it was best we not be together (that was the tough side of me I did not agree) so I did exactly what you said not to, stuck around thinking he would want me back which turned into more often than not me crying (to him) that I wanted him back. This went on weekly for about 6 months (go back a bit, we fell “out of love” just as we did “in love” we became more friends than lovers for several months before this all happened) so with that said it was nothing for us to hang out a couple times a week like friends it was no different than before (except we slept in different beds so no it was not friends with benefits). I stopped “attempting” to win him back. So about a month ago, he had a cookout and was extremely distant; awkward for me because everyone knew we were friends still but nobody really knew what to say so I spent most of my time hanging by myself (very strange because I have never met a stranger in my life and love to talk)… We attend the same church and at the time we were on the same softball league, the church had an outing to a baseball game and since we live so close we rode together. After the game on the way home we discussed how rude he was on Saturday (at his cookout) which honestly wasn’t that bad but he had played a little to many beer games so he didn’t really remember. I didn’t give exact details but was able to say “I saw who you really were and at that point found you extremely unattractive” so I went on to tell him that I hung out with him because I thought that in a few months once winter came we would go back to being a lovely little couple like we were in the beginning and how I had started to focus on myself rather than him so I did not seem clingy (which is true) but after his party I realized we are not every going to be together again and that makes me feel free. He was not excited over this whatsoever and I asked him why? He just said it was awkward, I then asked him “when we finally broke up did you not feel a burden lifted from you?” he said “yes” and then I said do you think we will ever be together again? he said “no” and I said so why are you not happy for me that I have finally realized and accepted this? I finally stopped begging and pleading and working out, meeting new people. That should make you feel relieved…..so on and so forth I was lying through my teeth. We were still hanging out though, I knew I had to put an end to it because like you said how can he miss someone he is always around? So after our games we (the team) always go out after. It “slipped” that Adam (his co-worker, and another teams captain) and I (who have been working out together, he is the one that got me to go to the gym) had watched a very “weird” movie in which I fell asleep and Adam left me on the couch… I was giving Adam a hard time about this at one of our post game celebrations. He knows Adam is moving at the end of the month back to his home state and since neither my ex nor myself are “promiscuous” people he knew there was nothing physical but movies were something big for my ex and I. I told myself that after softball I was going to put space between us (I think I already said that). We were in a conversation with a group that I had started about him and his passion for space stars planets and that he had brought his telescope out to a farm….he just interrupted me as rude as could be finished my sentence and changed the story. I went inside paid my tab and left abruptly. He asked over and over the next day what was wrong and I just kept saying “don’ t worry about it, it’s nothing. After he said if you don’t tell me what I did then I cannot fix it for the future (I wanted to blow up on him) I said it’s not my job to tell you who to be, you just continue to be “big mike” I don’t know who you are anymore, I just know you are rude and unpleasant to be around.

    (sorry I closing this up soon I swear) so yesterday I had asked to get something I had left at his house that he knew I would need, he let me know he would be home until 7 but then going running with a guy from work. I told him I was kind of busy not sure I could make it before 7 could I just pick it up when I finished what I was doing. He said yes, then said do you purposely not want to see me? My response was “I won’t lie I am not your biggest fan this week” he said I picked up on that, I will text you when we leave here. So to finish the conversation (after getting my things) I said Thanks again for setting those out, have a good evening and I am sure I will see you around. That ended that.

    So what do I do now? Just start from the beginning of your list, we have been BFF for the last 10 months. He was still inviting me to parties, work events and so forth. Adam’s going away party is Saturday…do I not go or go and keep my distance? I am not sure if you will get this or not, I didn’t see how long ago it was written but any information and help would be greatly appreciated!

    -Heather

    1. admin

      admin

      July 23, 2013 at 3:04 am

      Hi Heather,

      So, I am not opposed to giving you help. However, I am kind of unclear as to whether you want him back or not. It seems like you don’t from what I read above. I could be wrong but I just don’t understand what you want help with. Could you maybe be more specific?

    2. Avatar

      Heather

      July 23, 2013 at 12:57 pm

      Yes, I do. I just told him I didn’t because asking if we would work out, or pretty much begging (for lack of a better work) almost daily I realized from past relationships that this is extremely annoying and very unattractive. So I wanted him to know I “wasn’t sitting around waiting” however in all actuality I am. I just don’t know about the 30 day thing because what do I say at this point? I just need some time, we broke up 9 months ago and continued to hang out as friends, so at this point do I just stop (which I did yesterday had 0 contact) but he is going to ask why all the sudden I just quit talking to him, it isn’t like we broke up a week ago and so I stopped talking to him. Do I tell him I don’t want to be friends (which is mean and you said not to do) or I can’t be friends (which implies I still have feelings for him), the only thing I can think of is me telling him that with playing softball and having so many mutual co-worker/friends put me in a situation that I felt we needed to be friends but now that is over and I would like to go on with my life? I have don’t the steps as far as changing things, I started working out (which I never did and it is something he is really big on yet I never did it with him) I only weigh 95lbs so it’s not like I can change my weight. I have started looking into going back to school (something else he was big on and knew I wanted to do just never put too much effort into). …this isn’t an average breakup so how do I pull off the 30 day NC and changes at this point, and what do I tell him is the reason? He still invites me to outings (which is extremely misleading) Part of me says he doesn’t want to let go, and part of me says he really just wants to be friends that I love you but not in love with you type. …Yes I love him yes I want to be with him but how long do you wait for him to come around? How can he come around if we have broken up but nothing changed, we still hang out at least twice a week, still go to parties and work functions (we used to work together but don’t anymore)….I guess the bottom line is 1. Do I tell him we can’t be friends and do the 30 days or not tell him and just vanish? 2. He is going to ask if I am going to the events I have previously said I would go to, do I ignore him? Goes back to do I tell him I don’t’ want to talk…..

    3. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 4:05 am

      Maybe you can try a mini no contact rule just to try it out and see what happens. Try doing it for a week and see what kind of results you get.

    4. Avatar

      heather

      July 30, 2013 at 2:17 am

      Problem! How the heck do I do that ? He isn’t a sexual kind of guy so although I may look nice …… UUUGGHHH FML I dont understand. I know personality catches his eye (yes he felt i was pretty ) …..so lost ! I love him but starting to feel like I am to old for this …almost feels like a game. 2 months ago I would have sold my soul to the devil because i knew (and do know) but sheesh , starting to feel like I am being minipulative (sp) how far do I take this (fyi now all of the functions are over I am ready for NC) how long do I play this ‘game’? I am amazing and starting to feel desperate …..grrrrrrrr

    5. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 2:30 am

      The game totally sucks I understand where you are coming from completely.

      I think you need to get him to show interest first. Wait, if you can do NC then do it!

      Hahaha… right now focus on getting through that since all the functions are over.

    6. Avatar

      Heather

      July 29, 2013 at 4:31 pm

      OK, it is me again; as explained prior we have been broken up since October and he repeatedly asks me to do things. We had a pretty busy weekend with things we couldn’t exactly avoid, end of season softball dinner, church fundraiser (in which he hugged me before he left which was odd I don’t know if it was for show or something else), and a friends going away party (in which I showed up in an outfit I would have never worn but friends helped pick out and I looked amazing; since they were mutual friends it was very fun and I ended up on the shoulders of one of the guys roommates while the band was playing because I was too short to see). I was invited over for dinner (originally was supposed to be a group thing) and like an idiot I went (we have been hanging out for almost a year now so it’s kind of routine). He asked me Sunday after church if I wanted to go canoeing with a few of his friends on Saturday I originally said yes let me know the details and later said I forgot I had plans so I probably wasn’t going to make it. When I went to his house before we ate I asked him why he invites me to these things; it makes everyone ask questions and it feels like our relationship never ended outside of se$. His response to me was I don’t know, to be nice. Obviously because we decided to be friends since day one of the break up. I attempted the NC last week and Wednesday he text me and said people were asking for a head count who was going to the dinner on Thursday at first I said I couldn’t make it and then decided he wasn’t going to stop me from hanging with friends. Then like a bigger idiot I asked him if he was going to the church function on Friday (asked on Friday). I knew last night that I was aiming for the NC this week so when I left I gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek (not a long romantic kiss just muah bye) I did this because I wanted to see if he gave any reaction but luckily after addressing the “why do you invite me” and it just “feels like we never broke up” I can use it as it was a “goodbye and good luck” need be.

      Previously you mentioned maybe just doing the NC for a week at first. Yet another part of your website says do not be rude, so if I get a follow-up about the canoe trip and do I want to go or not am I supposed to ignore this? To me that seems rude, or should I simply only respond with “unfortunately (or sorry) not going to make it” . I just need to know if he asks do I ignore it (feels rude) and continue the NC, or just a simple response (which would also buy me a few more days for the NC possibly another week)?

      As always I appreciate any information and/or help

      -H

      Oh and even worse than all of that, I am starting to question the effort I am putting into this and if it’s even worth it anymore. Like I stated at first he made it very clear we would never get back together. Yet invites me to parties, jumps at any possible invite I offer, invites me for dinner and movies at his place….ect (which would be understanding if we had “benefits”) but there is no affection at all?????

      Sorry to continue to drag this out.

    7. admin

      admin

      July 30, 2013 at 2:02 am

      Gosh you are just having a tough time doing NC aren’t you hahaha.

      I am not sure where the quote is on my website that says do not be rude but I am betting it was meant in the context if you meet him in person. Nevertheless, I think you might as well respond about the canoeing thing.

      It sounds to me like you two are doing everything a couple does but without the se$ like you say. I think maybe you need to work on creating attraction with him. Do a bit of push pull with him in person. So, dangle yourself in front of him but don’t let him have you. Guys always want to chase a girl.

    8. Avatar

      heather

      July 24, 2013 at 4:10 am

      That didn’t seem very enthusiastic 🙁 …..honest opinion would be acceptable. What happens after a week? My take on your comment was basically to accept it ?

    9. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 4:33 am

      No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just want you to test out NC for a week so you can see what happens. That is all I was trying to say.

  17. Avatar

    Nicole

    July 20, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend of a year last month. We hadn’t been in contact for a few days, I was very upset & not really thinking properly. I sent his sister a horrible text & ended things unknowingly. I didn’t know about the breakup until I checked his social networks & saw things had changed. I tried apologizing to him in person, but he didn’t want the relationship. The day after I apologized, I sent him a text saying that I missed him & he responded. Then a few weeks later, I texted him & he never responded. Later that day his sister texted me to see how I was doing. I’ve been using NC for the past 3 1/2 weeks. ( I also blocked his number.) Should I contact him when my month of NC is over or should I wait on him?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 21, 2013 at 10:38 pm

      Contact him no matter what after your NC period is up.

    2. Avatar

      Nicole

      July 22, 2013 at 9:22 am

      How do I contact him w/o feeling clingy or needy? I do want to get back with him b/c we broke up over the silliest thing, miscommunication.

    3. admin

      admin

      July 23, 2013 at 2:46 am

      Have you tried going NC? Because if you do 30 days of NC you wont be needy or clingy at all. You will be someone he hasn’t spoke to in over a month. He may even be wanting you to text him.

    4. Avatar

      Nicole

      July 23, 2013 at 6:46 am

      Yes, I’ve been doing NC for the past 3 weeks, I’m just worried that I really hurt him. I’m really afraid of rejection because I truly do love him, I just made a silly mistake. Sometimes I feel like we can’t get close anymore because I haven’t talked to him in about a month. He seems like a different person to me because we haven’t been talking.

    5. admin

      admin

      July 24, 2013 at 3:57 am

      I want you to watch this video about rejection. I think it will kind of help you out a little bit in facing rejection (if it happens to you.): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFWyseydTkQ

  18. Avatar

    Michelle

    July 17, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    Just found your website a few days ago and really appreciate all your suggestions.

    My story: met my BF in March 2011. He was enlisted to go into the Army and was scheduled to start basic the end of May. We dated casually, but the morning before he left we both were crying and realized we had some deep feelings.

    We decided to give the LDR a shot, and stayed together until last Monday. Fortunately, I live in Houston and he ended up at Ft. Hood, Texas, only 200 miles away. He came to Houston whenever he could, and I saw him for long weekends at least once or twice a month.

    He was excellent with contact. We texted every day, most of the time for hours on end. When he was here, he was loving and attentive, and treated me like a prince. We took care of each other.

    There were very little issues in the relationship, except for our age difference. I’m 20 years older than he. Despite that, we had much in common. He’s a former Mormon who also spent 2 years in Taiwan, and I think that did a lot for his maturity levels. Never really had any issues in that regard. Just had a great time together.

    He came into town July 1 on two-week leave. He spent the first entire week with me. We had a fantastic time. Sex was great, and did our usual stuff. Spent 4th of July with his family and the following Saturday with his Mom and a group of my friends at a local craft brew bar. That evening, during a discussion with his Mom about the house she is about to build and what she’s getting installed, he would tell her about stuff we had in “our apartment” a couple of times. He called my place his home. He made comments like that during our week together. This is all pretty new. We had not discussed actually living together. The only way we really could would to be married so he could live off base and he could receive his housing allowance. We hadn’t gotten to the point of considering that.

    I’m very astute and always paid close attention to his behavior. There was no pulling back. Everything was consistent.

    The next day, Sunday, he was a little quiet. We had been up late the night before, so I chalked it up to him being tired. I simply asked if he was OK, and he said he was OK.

    Monday morning he was to go spend a few days with his mom, as he usually does on his two-week leaves. He was going to help her pack up stuff in anticipation of her move. Before I left for work, he kissed me twice, told me he loved me, and said he would see me on Friday. After a few days at his mom’s, he always comes back to spend the weekend.

    Later that afternoon I get a text from him saying we need to talk. Since that sounded ominous, I first asked if it was something to do with the Army. He said no, it had to do with us. I straight out asked him if he was breaking up. I knew something was up because he wasn’t punctuating his sentences with his usual term of affection for me, “Baby”. He responded he was, but I deserved to know why.

    I was shocked, but my initial feeling was of relief. Still trying to figure out why that is.

    I didn’t respond to him, and left work at 5:00 as normal. At 5:30 I get another text from him wanting to know my whereabouts. He was at my apartment and wanted to talk.

    I told him I had nothing to say to him and resumed radio silence. I figured if his mind was made up, I don’t need to know anything else, nor was I going to let him get any edification at my expense.

    About another half hour later I get another text saying just so I would not be alarmed he has taken his things from my place, and he left the key with the landlord.

    Again, I did not respond.

    So that’s it. No word from him since, and I am solidly in NC. I did notice he didn’t get absolutely everything out of here, but I’m not contacting him.

    Thoughts?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 19, 2013 at 1:38 am

      Honestly, I think you have a pretty good grasp on what to do. Go through no contact and asses after that.

    2. Avatar

      Michelle

      July 19, 2013 at 1:44 pm

      Right. No offense, but that’s why I said I was in NC. I was seeking your thoughts into the matter in general. Thank you for your time.

    3. admin

      admin

      July 19, 2013 at 10:20 pm

      Well, there are a number of factors at play here. I don’t care what anyone says but to me, LDR are really really really hard to make work. I wouldn’t do one because I don’t know how to make one work. I think that contributed to the breakup. Do you think he met another girl?

    4. Avatar

      Michelle

      July 20, 2013 at 3:47 pm

      It’s possible, but not probable. He works pretty long hours, reporting at 5:00 a.m. and sometimes out in the field training until 10:00 or 11:00 at night. He would text throughout the day if he could, and then we talked every night.

      If he went out on the weekends we would text throughout the evening as well.

      In other words, communication was good and constant. There was nothing shady in his behavior.

      He wanted to talk to me and asked twice to do so. I refused because I was angry and hurt. I didn’t want a confrontation or scene. It was enough for me that he just said he wanted to break up. Me refusing to talk to him also gave me some of my power back.

    5. admin

      admin

      July 21, 2013 at 10:23 pm

      Ok, so thats a good thing if there is no girl for sure!

  19. Avatar

    Trisha O.

    July 16, 2013 at 3:16 am

    We were a good couple, start having problems tried to fix them he just ended things. i didnt start the no contact as i shouldve at first but after two times of texting him i did, i stopped talking to him. But he was very rude he said we’ll never work out i didnt appreciate him and then its both of our faults to its his fault so many different things each time. Anyways, the last time we talked he was very rude and so i start being rude back and ended the conversation. My family ran into him at the store and tried to tell him hi he ignored them. They were shocked because thats not like him at all. He deleted me off every social network site, we live about an hour away from each other so we have different friends and lifestyles. Ive heard he likes someone new and hes also dropped some hints about her on his facebook, Is this a sign that he really doesnt love me anymore?

    1. admin

      admin

      July 17, 2013 at 6:36 am

      To me it looks like the sign of someone who is really angry. What could you have done to make him react this way?

    2. Avatar

      Trisha O.

      July 17, 2013 at 8:07 am

      Im really not too sure. He said i didnt trust him one night he wanted to go out to a friends summer party but i had always let him out i trusted him i just had a bad feeling about letting him out that night. Anyway he went and he met a girl. He told me, he apologized, i deleted her number from his phone which he agreed on. i was trying to fix it and at first he was too but two weeks later he start focusing more on friends,i could tell he wasnt feeling it anymore as much as it hurt i still tried. we ended on good terms, the first time we talked after that as well, then the second time we talked he just exploded. Weve always had people not agree on our relationship because they like him and he start hanging out with them, thats all i could think of why he would act that way. could people be turning him against me? We were together for a year and 3 mnths he loved me so much everyone knew it you could just see it in the way he would look at me or do things for me i dont understand how all of a sudden he doesnt even care anymore.

    3. admin

      admin

      July 17, 2013 at 7:27 pm

      I don’t think he doesn’t care about you anymore. I think he does I just think he needs time to figure out whatever it is thats going on.

    4. Avatar

      Trisha O.

      July 17, 2013 at 8:36 pm

      thank you (-:

  20. Avatar

    Angel

    July 13, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    I have been 8 years with my boyfriend and broke up with him last week as he constantly uses online dating to chat to girls. I have had enough this time and since last week hasn’t contacted him. Do you think this relationship has a chance? I love him but cannot allow other girls in this relationship. He called today but I didnt pick up the phone. I still see his profile active on uniformdating.com! Shall I give him another chance this time on my terms or is he gonna break my heart again. Please help.

    1. admin

      admin

      July 15, 2013 at 5:51 am

      Should you give him another chance?

      Honestly, has he ever given you any reason to think he is cheating other than flirting or getting an ego boost from an online dating profile? As I read that I see how bad that is. Something is fishy for sure so I think you wait it out to see what he does and then make your decision.

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