By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 21st, 2022

This is a complete guide on how to leave a man wanting more.

In this in-depth guide you’re going to learn how to:

  1. Employ The Zeigarnik Effect
  2. Have Meaningful Conversations
  3. Employ The Trinity Social Media Posting Method
  4. Flirt Physically
  5. Flirt Sincerely
  6. Flirt Playfully
  7. Keep Your Anxious Attachment Style Tendencies At Bay
  8. When They Pull Back You Pull Back

So, let’s get started on how to help you leave a man wanting more.

Tip #1: Employ The Zeigarnik Effect

Without a doubt I consider the zeigarnik effect to be the single most important factor for “leaving a man wanting more.”

Here’s how it works.

The Zeigarnik Effect: People remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones.

In theory this means that all you have to do is start a conversation with a guy and end the conversation prematurely to leave him wanting more. Seems simple, right?

Well, there’s a bit more to it than that.

I’ve already mentioned that every conversation has a certain flow to it.

  1. There’s a gradual build to a high point.
  2. There’s the actual high point.
  3. And then there’s the inevitable decline off of the high point.

The trick is to locate the high point of the conversation and then end the conversation there.

Theoretically what will happen if you’re able to string enough of these types of interruptions together is the guy you are falling for will begin to constantly think about you more and that’s exactly what we want.

Some of you reading this may be a little resistant to trying this for fear of “losing out” on a guy but the results we have found with men are undeniable. In fact, here’s a comment from a man in our private facebook group talking about how effective the zeigarnik effect is on him.

But it isn’t enough to simply locate a high point in a conversation and end the conversation abruptly.

The truth is that the zeigarnik effect only really works if you have meaningful conversations with one another. In other words, the most meaningful the guy perceives the conversation the more likely it is that the zeigarnik effect will work.

This brings us to our second tip.

Tip #2: Learn How To Have Meaningful Conversations

Most women engage men in what I like to call surface level conversations.

They ask the right type of things but don’t dive deep enough.

I’ll give you an example.

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  • Let’s say I were to ask you what your favorite type of music was.
  • You give a basic response and tell me that it’s country music.
  • I ask another question. What are some of your favorite country bands?
  • You give me a few band names and then the conversation is complete.

Why do you think the conversation ended up being kind of boring?

Well, you might already have a clue based on the word I bolded above in the exchange.

It’s because I asked what instead of why.

This is a concept I’ve talked a lot about lately when it comes to building meaning. In fact, I’ve been so inspired by it that I actually made a voice note recording for my private facebook group trying to explain to them how they need to have more meaningful conversations.

I’ll do you a solid and even let you listen to the voice note because I think it’s something every woman needs to hear.

Here’s the quick crash course.

Every time you’re tempted to ask what, ask why instead.

Look at how different the pretend scenario above would go.

  • You tell me that you like country music.
  • But instead of asking you what your favorite bands are I ask you why you love country music so much.

It gets down to the essence of what makes you unique as a human being and from there the momentum can build and you’ll find you’ve talked hours about an aspect of yourself that you hadn’t really talked to anyone about before.

The end goal is always to touch that essence to make conversations more meaningful to create an almost addicting quality.

Of course, when you pair this with zeigarnik effect you can see why it’s so effective.

Tip #3: Employ The Trinity Social Media Posting Method

My holy trinity concept has really taken off when it comes to building attraction within men.

I think people resonate with it not because it’s revolutionary but because it’s forcing them to shift their paradigm based on how they are living their lives.

Think of your life in three basic categories.

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

The balanced human will spend their entire lives trying to maximize these three areas.

Of course, we’re so much more than just our health, wealth or relationships.

So, in 2020 I added a new aspect for my clients to focus on.

I call it the magnum opus.

What do you want to be remembered for?

What will your masterpiece be?

That’s your magnum opus.

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Now, while it may seem like this has nothing to do with “leaving a man wanting more” I promise that it does.

We know that over 240 million americans are checking their social media accounts daily and if you have a crush on someone you’re checking that persons profile daily. So, figuring out exactly what you should be posting is an important part of cultivating attraction.

As it turns out we believe we’ve cracked the optimum way in which you should be posting on social media.

  • Health based post
  • Wealth based post
  • Relationship based post (not about the person you like)
  • Magnum opus based post
  • Anything you want
  • Rinse and repeat

Let’s pretend we go through an average week on social media and your posting habits.


You’re going to post something related to your health so you decide to film yourself in the gym working out.


This crazy thing happened at work (tell the story.)


Family picture with your mom or dad


Your magnum opus is your photography so you post something related to that


You can post anything you want.

Saturday & Sunday

You basically repeat this process over and over again.

What’s the advantage to doing this? Simply put, it makes you look like you’re living a full and balanced life. Most importantly, people will grow to envy you.

Tip #4: Learn How To Flirt Physically

Most people don’t know how to flirt but I’m going to give you a quick crash course of how to properly do so in a way that can leave a man constantly wanting more.

The first thing we need to do is talk about the three main types of flirting styles.

  1. Physical Flirting: Any type of physical touch that implies “I like you.”
  2. Sincere Flirting: Any type of flirting that can position you as an integral part of their lives.
  3. Playful Flirting: Any type of flirting that builds playful rapport

No, the goal with all the flirting styles is imply, be subtle about it but also direct about it.

Let’s first start by talking about physical flirting and how to do it.

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I’m going to divide this into two distinct categories.

  1. Physical flirting through texts (yes you can use text to physically flirt)
  2. Physical flirting in person

How To Physically Flirt Through Texts

You’re going to want to allude to the idea of physical touch (indirectly.)

“I love online shopping-trying on a few tops that fit great!”

“I just got out of spin class- but the steam room after was the best part”

“I’m going crazy- I have a mosquito bit on my back that I can’t reach.”

All of these text messages allude to physical touch in some way.

How To Physically Flirt In Person

Body language is everything.

So, you’re going to want to do things like,

  • Lean in
  • Touch his arm closer down to his hand
  • Dropping something on your shirt and wiping it off

Again there are a million applications here but let’s continue to move on.

Tip #5: Learn Sincere Flirting

Flirting sincerely is really about building up a sense of caring and positioning yourself as an integral part of a guys life. It’s important to note that you want to be caring but not mothering.

Once again, I’m going to give you examples of how to do this through two mediums of communication.

  1. Through texting
  2. And in person

Let’s get started.

How To Flirt Sincerely Through Texting

“That song you like was just on the radio!”

“Don’t forget today’s your deadline for your report”

“You know, when you concentrate really hard you always bite your lip.”

“STOP BEING ON MY MIND – I have too many things to do today.”

Again, all of these texts show that you’re taking a genuine interest in his life and you’re being kind of cute about “thinking about him.” You’re pointing out deadlines and things for him to solve but you aren’t actively solving them.

Let’s move on and look at how to do this in the physical realm.

How To Sincerely Flirt In The Physical Realm

Generally this will be direct compliments to the guy falling into two realms.

  1. Appreciation
  2. Admiration

Let’s look at appreciation compliments first,

“Thank you for teaching me how to change my tire- it really came in handy today.”

“I really appreciate how much you supported me with work- you encouraged me to apply for that promotion.”

And admiration next,

“Great job on that work project- I admire your ambition.”

“That color looks good on you- brings out the blue in your eyes.”

I think you get the idea.

Tip #6: Learn To Flirt Playfully

This is maybe the most fun version of flirting as it combines games and teasing. Think about it like this. You pretend to jump into a time machine and go back to high school and relive the moments you got your first boyfriend.

You had all these inside jokes and games you would play.

That’s the essence of playful flirting.

Again, we will divide this up into two realms.

  1. Texting
  2. Physical

How To Flirt Playfully Through Texting

Challenge your guy to a game.

“Would you rather be a famous actor or musician?”

“When are you free? I want to kick your butt at pool.”

“Tell me the funniest joke you heard this week- I need to laugh.”

Again, everything is playful about those texts.




It’s meant to build rapport and connection in an odd way.

How To Flirt Playfully Through In Person Interactions

Nothing is really going to change here.

You want to engage a man in playful games and challenges.

  • Challenge your guy to a thumb war
  • Playful wrestling
  • Tickling
  • First one to eat their food doesn’t have to pay for the drinks
  • Bet your guy that you will get a higher score in a game
  • Bet him that you know more country capitals
  • Bet him that you can answer more trivia questions
  • You get the idea.

Tip #7: Keep Your Anxious Attachment Style Tendencies At Bay

Ex Boyfriend Recovery got its start as, you guessed it, a website that helped people through breakups (we still very much do that) but have since began expanding our audience to include all women who want to create desire within men.

Of course, when you deal with so many breakups on a daily basis you pick up a ton of interesting knowledge.

For example, most of the women who have trouble in relationships end up pushing men away because their anxious tendencies take over.

What exactly are anxious tendencies?

  • They’ll have difficulty trusting their partners (leading to jealousy)
  • Have a low opinion of themselves
  • They’ll crave intimacy on a deep level
  • They are highly emotional and impulsive

I’ve done videos on this topic because of how important it is.

If you’re still confused as to what anxious attachment style tendencies looks like I’ll give you an example.

You meet a guy and get incredibly excited that this one might be different.

He likes you.

You like him.

But no commitment has been made yet.

You get a little antsy about this and can’t stop focusing on it. The result is that you keep forcing the issue with the guy to the point that he gets turned off and runs away.

Now, there’s a whole cycle we find women wind up in called the anxious and avoidant self fulfilling cycle and that’s potentially what’s happening in this example but that’s only because someone with an anxious attachment style can’t help themselves but allow their insecurities to show.

So, what’s the fix?

Well, simply put it’s all about mimicking more secure attachment style tendencies.

I’ve filmed videos on that as well.

There’s this interesting concept we have called secure attachment gravity.

The premise is simple. If you have a secure attachment then naturally other people with different attachment styles are naturally drawn to you like gravity.

When I say you need to learn to control your anxious attachment style tendencies I’m really talking about how you need to work on making sure your secure attachments are coming through.

But how do you do that?

Tip #8: When They Pull Back You Pull Back

I don’t know what it is about this concept that makes it so effective but I can’t tell you how often my clients have found success with it.

I think it might be because we find most of our clients are attracted to men with avoidant qualities and the best thing for an avoidant is to give them space when they get overtaken by their tendencies.

Nevertheless, we’re finding doing this is good for a few reasons.

  • It makes you seem less available
  • It shows you have other things in your life going on
  • It makes the guy wonder if they are all that important to you after all

All of these work to raise your value and the beautiful thing is that all it takes to accomplish this is discipline.

So long as you sense your guy is pulling back and you have a good radar for that you just need to tap into that discipline.

Of course, there is one fly in the ointment I see.

What happens if you pull back but they never try to reinitiate?

What then?

Well, the goal here is to pull back for a bit, not forever.

Communication is key to every relationship so you want to keep those lines open after you pull back a little bit.

So, let’s say you sense your guy pulling back so you decide to give him some space. Wait 1-3 days and then reach out again to take his temperature. If things get back to normal that’s good, fall back into old habits but if they still seem kind of cold as if their mind is elsewhere wait even longer like 3-5 days and then try again.

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