6 Signs That Prove Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do With Them)

2,942 thoughts on “Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship (The Definitive Guide)”

Anon

November 23, 2013 at 9:42 pm

My ex broke up with me about 8 months ago. I think it was the situation where he had his rebound lined up before breaking up with me. He even mentioned her to me before we broke up because she is the little sister of a guy I used to see before we started dating. Anyway, he denied seeing her to me, which is fine, whatever. I did NC for 21 days, he contacted me some but I didn’t respond. 3 months into the break up we were talking about being made for each other again, but all the while he was continuing to see her and lying to me about it. I found out and told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore. Their relationship progressed. 6 months into the break up we begin talking again, but I’m aware that they are pretty much together. Even though she is in another country. He has hinted at sexual things with me but I’ve kept my distance. He still has lied to me about her some, and I’ve told him I can tell when he’s lying to me. He seems to be more concerned with my feelings than the first time we talked. He says that he’s really lonely a lot and talks about being depressed sometimes, too. I am pretty sure that they are still in some sort of relationship. My question is…according to your graph there is only a 25% chance that she’s still a rebound. But he’s clearly not as happy as Facebook and social media portrays their relationship to be. What would you suggest on how to proceed…is this definitely a rebound relationship? It still hurts me to think about. I’ve tried moving on. I’ve dated other guys, been kind of interested in other guys but all roads seem to point to him. Maybe it’ll just take more time. But I don’t want to waste my time trying to get him back if they are seemingly serious. Thanks.

admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:05 pm

When you have been texting him how has it gone?
Anon

November 25, 2013 at 4:43 pm

He’s very interested in me. We are long distance but he has told me that he wants to go to school in my state next year (law school)…something we disagreed upon when we were dating. He always talks about how “when he goes to ____, he’ll be seeing me a lot.” He’s inferred that he wants to take me on dates again…but since we are long distance he has no need to commit. I’m not expecting any commitment right now anyway. I know that he’s still talking to this girl and her mom on facebook, which leads me to believe that they’re still in a relationship. I’m not on facebook so he has no incentive to stop talking to her…which is why I’ve been keeping an eye on it just to see if he’s actually following through with what he’s been saying to me. He’s dropped off a couple of times, and I called him out on being “all talk” a week ago and he sent me, like, 4 messages in a row…one trying to brush everything off. One apologizing for being all talk and saying he won’t say the romantic things to me anymore. One trying to have a conversation with me. One just saying “Hey so I’m sorry.” When I finally did respond he said “I just don’t want you to be mad at me.” He has gotten jealous of me going on dates before but that seems to have sort of ended…or he’s not making it apparent that he’s jealous cause I’ll say something like “oh, I just got back from dinner” on a Friday night and he doesn’t even acknowledge it. He’s told me at some points that I’m the only one that seems to understand him (as of right now we are only talking through text message). He asked me to see a movie with him (same movie that started at the same time) and we talked about the movie afterward. He definitely hints at sexual stuff a lot. Has said that its “been awhile” since he’s been turned on and has insinuated that I’ve allowed him to be turned on again. We have pretty much daily conversations..but there have been times where he’s dropped off for a few days and resurfaces later. I am usually pretty good about being able to tell when he’s lying…even through text. He seems genuine most of the time..like I said he’s lied about some minor things regarding this girl…like we took pictures of our rooms and he lied about a picture of the two of them…saying it was him and his mom. That sort of thing. He texts me quite frequently and sometimes its multiple texts if I don’t respond. I would say that he has significantly backed off trying to “chase” me recently. Maybe he’s just a bad guy…? I just keep wondering when he is going to end things with her because she’s clearly not making him happy in all aspects of their relationship. I’m pretty good about staying in control of my emotions in regards to communicating with him, but of course sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I break down when I’m alone. I guess I’m just wondering how exactly should I proceed? What is going on here…etc.?

Cookie

November 23, 2013 at 3:29 am

Hi Chris,
I’ve emailed you a while back from another email.. you might remember me as Cookie 🙂

Anyways, I am here because I am extremely confused.

My bf and I were dating for 2 years, had an amazing relationship but towards the end had way too many problems and fights and he literally broke up with me out of the blue. I did everything I was not supposed to do, and I did them for 2 months. He came back everytime I tried to do NC, and he would come back after two days, both times. The weakling in me of course would answer.

Anyways, in the last 2-3 months that we have been separated now (technically), he has had this one main girl the entire time. He goes out every weekend and picks up girls, but that one girl is always around. He sleeps with her, goes to the beach with her, calls her before bed and messages her all day. He also sleeps at her place. He tells me that at the beginning he was doing all those things because he wanted to try and get over me, despite telling me he wanted to marry me. He said that she was just really good company, but she is no me.

A few weeks ago, I dont know what was going through his head, but he sort of came back. He called me all the time and messaged me all the time, he would see me, and I even stayed at his house once (we literally just cuddled and spooned all night). He would introduce me as his fiancee to everyone and even wanted to buy me a ring as a present and brought me before his family yet once again. However, throughout all of this, he was still talking to this one girl. And that’s where I was confused.

His brother and friends told him it wasn’t right to lead this double life and that he needs to make a choice. He broke down, and let me go. He said that he will be back one day but he just needs this time to figure out who he is and he also does not want to be tied down. He still wants to marry me and make me the mother of his children, but he just needs his space and time away from me in order for us to start fresh. He told me that she is just good company and a distraction and that he is also talking to other girls, so it isn’t like she is important or anything, and his brother told me that he just always needs that one main girl there because he can’t be ‘alone’.

So I am now confused. He is sleeping with this girl, spending the night with her, calling her all the time and messaging her, hanging out with her at every spare moment he has, and it basically looks like he is obsessed with her just as she is with him. I’m scared that she is such good company and light and carefree that she will make him get over me.

I did NC for 4 days, before I had to initiate contact because a parcel of mine was supposed to arrive at his house and he still hadn’t contacted me about it. So I called and I wanted to make the conversation very short but he refused to let me get off the phone and we ended up fighting because he thought I was already seeing someone else, and he told me that this is just a break for him, not a break up, and that he will come back one day. This is also the longest we had ever not spoken. Last time I did NC he came back after two days, this time it was 4 and he wasn’t even going to call.

I dont know what to think or do..

I don’t know if she is a rebound, and even if she is, whether she’ll be good enough of one to make him get over me. I know that she’ll never be his wife or anything like that, I know that 1000000%, she is 4 years older than him, and slept with him on the second date, and is basically the kind of girl he would never date, but at the same time I am worried that he will enjoy his time with her so much and in the back of his mind he’ll always remember me as fighting with him and ‘depressing’ him as he puts it.

I want to do NC 100%, I know that, and I am strong enough for that, I am just so confused about why he is so all over her when he says that he doesn’t like her. He is also talking to other girls, but that is once or twice a week. He talks to this one main girl, every single day, every single minute, and when he isnt talking to her on the phone, he is with her having fun and doing whatever.

What are my chances of him really ever coming back if he remembers me as a headache? And also can she actually make him get over me? Have I ruined things completely this time because of still being around 2 months after the break up?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Did you add me on Facebook?

Definitely do NC!

Sorry he is talking to other girls… believe me I know it sucks. Sometimes talking to someone too much at the beginning can just mean that it will end faster at least that is my experience.
Cookie

November 24, 2013 at 11:44 pm

Haha yes I did 🙂 hope you don’t mind!

So I have been doing NC, and it’s the second day in.
Yesterday I woke up to a message from him saying ‘I still think about you everyday.’ I ignored it naturally. 7 hours later, another message saying ‘I’m not upset that you haven’t replied… But I keep looking (into my workplace) hoping I’d see you…’ I ignored it again. 5 hours later he calls me, and I don’t answer. The problem is we work right across each other, and I dont know what to tell him when he asks me why I have been ignoring him. He doesn’t take being ignored lightly, and it could actually drive him further away, so I’m not sure what to do. By the way this is the second day in and he just called me again, and I didn’t answer. Problem is, I’m going into work in 3 hours, and he will be there and I have no idea what to say to him as to why I am ignoring him.

I hate that he is talking to girls and messing around, but at the same time I am at the point where I know I have done absolutely everything I can to salvage our relationship, and I still wasn’t good enough, so until he mans up and is ready to be exclusive again, I don’t want nothing got to do with him… It hurts too much.

I don’t know what to say to him as to why I have been ignoring him 🙁

Thankyou so much once again Chris, honestly.
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:38 pm

You can say that you just “needed some time.”
Cookie

November 24, 2013 at 11:55 pm

And he just called again and I’m going into panic mode, because I’m pretty sure he’s gonna hate me forever for ignoring him and when he asks me why I have been, I will probably just say something completely stupid like “I don’t see the point in talking to you..” I like the calls and messages I’m receiving, I don’t like knowing that I’m gonna have to confront him. And also ignoring him for a month.. yeah that’s gonna drive him completely away. So to sum up, 2 days NC, 2 messages and 3 calls that have been ignored so far. 🙁
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Maybe for you if you are that worried about it just talk to him for a little bit and then go back into NC. Give him a little life so he keeps chasing you know?
Shirley

November 24, 2013 at 3:47 am

Hi Cookie and Chris,
I have a very similar situation like you. My ex and I were dating for 7 years, but he betrayed me and that was why we broke up. He slept with that girl. He told me he doesn’t like/love her, but he loves me so much. He also told me that he sees the future with me but he doesn’t want to be with me now. Unfortunately, he and her still keep the friendship even though she knows about me. And I, unfriend him from my Facebook. He doesn’t really care because he feels Fb means nothing. But I have the feeling that she is slowly involving in his life, and i’m leaving his life.
Im doing NC rule now. This is my first week doing it. I’m just thinking if we really get them back, that doesn’t mean they won’t do the same thing to us again. Is there any way we can prevent that happen? if not, do we really want to get hurt again? should we just get over it?
I know the feeling, really painful and sucks!
Cookie

November 24, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Hey Shirley,

My situation is a little different. He was beyond amazing when we were together, he never ever lied or cheated or betrayed me in anyway and is one of the most loyal and dedicated men I have ever been with. Unfortunately though, due to circumstances out of my hands, I ended up hurting him unbelieveably bad, and he still took me back, and then a month later, another unfortunate event happened where I ended up pushing him away unintentionally. Now both those events where because of my family, and he just reached a point where he was sick and tired of the fighting with me and me pushing him away and all the little things that used to bother him in our relationship (like me becoming boring, and not taking care of myself as much as I used to), just all built up for him and he left. My problem is that I am so afraid that he is enjoying his time with this other girl too much and seeing what a real girlfriend should be like, that he’ll never come back.. But I don’t know. I’m extremely confused. 🙁

I hope everything works out for you!
Cookie

November 23, 2013 at 4:47 am

Also, 2 months ago when we broke up, it was on a Thursday, he met this girl on a Friday and she has been around ever since! ONE DAY to meet a new girl that is replacing me in every way possible. 🙁

sarah

November 22, 2013 at 11:51 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m sorry to post this here but I’m kinda desperate for advice. If you don’t have time to reply I completely understand ..

I am 27 , he’s my age

We were in a long distance relationship 7 years ago

Everything “seemed” fine. Suddenly he breaks up. It was painful for both of us to say the least. We never spoke since then (6 years ago)

right after, like a month later, he’s already in a solid relationship with a girl.

He proposes to her within months, they get married and divorced after 1 year. They stayed together for 4 years in total. (So the divorce and everything ended 2 years ago)

During those 6 years, he and I never spoke, never seen each other, nothing …

a month ago we got back in touch and started talking as friends

Last night he tells me I’ve been wanting to tell you that I made a mistake and I lost you, and I made an even bigger mistake by being in a relationship with her so I could forget you

Now I know it could all be lies, and I don’t think I would trust this guy again.. But I am confused and want to know his intentions. Any idea ?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Have you read my LDR page yet?
sarah

November 24, 2013 at 12:51 am

Yes I did , it was very good in information but at this point all I wanted to know is what he means when he said that the break up was a mistake?
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Does he mean it like he never wanted it to happen?
Sarah

November 25, 2013 at 2:23 pm

I’m not sure how he meant it. This is the message he sent me

“I’ve been wanting to tell you this since we got back in touch, I admit that I let you slip away, and I tried to correct that mistake with another mistake, even she (in reference to the next girl he was with for years) felt that I was trying to be in a relationship with just about anyone just so I could get over you. I know that no matter what I do for you I will never make it up. Even if you say you forgive me I know you will never forget what I did and that’s something you cannot control. I wasn’t happy even back then all I remember was feeling lost”

well he sent those in different messages but within the same hour..

Thank you in advance for helping me understand where he’s trying to go with all this 🙁
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:40 pm

All I took from it is that he is worried about what you are thinking about him…
Sarah

November 25, 2013 at 8:49 pm

Oh, interesting. I guess guys ARE simple! lol Thanks so much for your help! I personally am not mad about what he did anymore and would be happy to just be his friend 🙂

Again, thank you so much for replying to all of us in such a short time . I TRULY appreciate your help.
admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Well, some guys are some guys aren’t.

But generally their behavior isn’t hard to predict..

absolutely torn

November 21, 2013 at 1:12 am

Hi Chris

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago, it wasn’t bad at all… his idea but we mutually agreed (but i did it so he could be happy) told me im the one and promised hell come back to me 😐
He kept contact with me … he wrote to me telling me he is going back on holiday for a second time (previously went germany) said he regretted booking it for a second time but was too late … going on holiday to see two girl – friends
After he came back from holiday … by a couple weeks he was trying to get a hold of me but was doing so via my old number – literally today like 3 hours ago he told me that he got with the girl i feared he would out on holiday and they’re now trying out long distance relationship 😐 </3 he was crying on the phone telling me his sorry and he still cares and no one compares to me … but said everything was wonderful between us but our arguments even though they were all his fault … he said that nothing happened the first time he went there and he never considering it 'THIS IS NOT IN HIS NATURE' IM SO SURPRISED ?!
he hardly knows her … he met her in march while we were going out !! … said they connected over a chat while he was out there the 2nd time and then slept with each other and decided to go out when they live in different countries ! telling me his so so sorry his guilty he still cares for me blah blah blah – telling me all this while his back in the uk and she lives out in germany
then right at the end of our convo he bust out in anger and says she just dumped me I HAVE TO GO, GOOD BYE
WTF …. this was literally 3 hours ago i said good bye and hung up … but i want answers i want closure … he mentioned keeping contact to know that im safe and alive…ahhhh
PLEASE CHRIS, help me out what do I do ? Im heart broken yet like a fool still have feelings for him still want him!? I feel to talk to him but think thats not a good idea because she just broke up with him … like is this a rebound ? they got together 2-3 months after he broke up with me and doesn’t even sound sure himself what he’s doing
ahhh chris please like im going through a lot right now my mind and heart is all over the place…. what do i do chris ? i hope i hear from you soon THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND EFFORT READING AND RESPONDING !

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Well, tell me what you have done so far? The NC rule?
absolutely torn

November 21, 2013 at 8:35 pm

yeah i did no contact for long untill he started talking to me and then told me about this madness with a new gf in another country ? !!
the last we spoke was yesterday when he told me all this sh*T
Im guessing I have to do NC again ?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Just for a little bit.

jessica

November 20, 2013 at 5:59 am

hey, it’s me again…..ok so I told you before that my ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months….we’d gotten into a huge fight where I ended up breaking his window (I was overly angry) anyway the next day he and I were cool trying to talk it out and explaining how we could be more rational and understanding of each other rather than miscommunicating and causing things to go downhill, well he explained to me that he cared a lot and he really wants us to work he just wished I wouldn’t take everything the wrong way as if he’s intentionally trying to hurt me the convo went pretty well then all of a sudden a couple days later he totally spazzed on me and said we were over literally out of nowhere…..we maintained very little contact but because we attend the same college that is very very small we have a class together and I have to see him everyday….&&.it’s hard to move on when im looking at him everyday but anyway around homecoming I asked him if we could talk but he got really nasty w/ me saying we had no business and that there was no reason for us to talk we got into a HUGE argument that his “current love interest” decided to make herself apart of && since then aside from bi-polar messages ive texted or fb messages ive sent I haven’t said much to him..he doesn’t want to be around me anymore yet tries to spend every second with this girl (&& I have to see it everyday)…..we were together since 2011 but it seems as tho he’s pretty serious with this chick (i mean I know this because ive kinda sorta stalked the hell out of his twitter and instagram) I just don’t understand how he can act like he’s so in love w/ her when I haven’t even been out of the picture long enough for the tears to dry…..idk if this is an actual rebound relationship I mean I love the hell out of him but idk if I should interfere with that I would still want him to be happy….also like I stated before his birthday is next month (12/11) should I say anything ? should I even make an attempt to keep trying when he’s acting like im invisible and he hates me ?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:49 pm

I am going to be making a guide on the signs that you should give up on your ex in a few days/week. I think it will be hlepful to people who are wondering if they are in a “give up” situation.
Dehlia

November 26, 2013 at 7:44 pm

That sounds perfect! Can’t wait to read, as I read posts from others – “when to give up” article will be very helpful.
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:07 pm

Working on the article now. About 2k words in and still a lot to go. I hope to have it done by the end of this week.
jessica

November 20, 2013 at 6:39 pm

ok but do you think I should just give up or just do this nc thing for awhile and see where it goes from there ?
admin

November 21, 2013 at 5:57 pm

Do the NC thing before you give up hope.

mg

November 19, 2013 at 9:09 am

I was in a two year relationship with a teacher. At work she is gifted. When we are together we had passion and love. She always was insecure and thought I cheated. I didn’t cheat and loved her dearly. I cared and waited onher always. She was amazing in bed and we had a wonderful time together. She has anxiety issues. I thought I could ease her pain. Helped her with nightmares and calmed her down. I gave her total access to my phone and emails. I couldn’t have any female friends and if it meant it would ease her mind I would. Out of nowhere she broke up with me and has a new guy. She changed her number and said she never wanted that see me again. She made me get a ring because it was the rght thing to do. She wont return the ring why?? She cheated and moved into a new relationship after two weeks. I think they met in bible study. My girl has borderline personality disorder. She was a victim of incest and many other issues. I was her life and then boom it was over. I caught her cheating. And when I confronted her she said not a word. I know she had 9 out of 10 signs of bpd. Am I done with her. I know I deserve better but love her. Any help will do.thanks.

Carl

December 4, 2013 at 1:17 am

Wow, I feel this is my story.

I had a 5 year relationship with a teacher as well. She has bipolar disorder and also has anxiety issues. I was always there for her and did my best despite having my own issues at the time. To a certain extent, I felt like some kind of savior. Anyway, after 5 years, she dumped for some guy (never saw it coming). After a few months, she dumped him and started calling me again. Obviously, I loved her and was still there for her. We hung out for nearly a year and before anything happened. We then got back together (kind of). It was actually going pretty well. She then took a contract up north (15 hour drive from where I live) and I must admit, I was angry but we still talked on the phone. She suddenly stopped calling after a month there and when we talked she just said she was busy and didn’t have time to talk. After a few weeks, I became suspicious (it was deja vu all over again) and she finally told the truth. She had been seeing this guy (highscool friend apparently) for a few weeks (ironically, he lives from my city) and he went to see her up there a couple times. They started their relationship the one weekend she was back in town (couldn’t see her at the time as I was away). Initially, she said still wanted to be friend with me but I told her we both had issues and needed to stop all contact. A week later, I texted her for the keys to my place she still had (I’m moving soon). She then said what she has with this guy was true love and what she has with this guy is real and she never wanted me to call or text her ever again.

I’m letting go this time even though it makes me so sad to see her in such a confused state but at some point, we need to take care of ourselves. I also have issues and as long as I don’t learn to be happy with myself, I will attract that kind of messed up relationships will never be truly happy.

I did this with her for 8 years and I was never happy. In fact, I feel like I wasted 8 years of my life. I will always love her but I can’t save her. There’s no point helping people who don’t want to help themselves.

At this time, the best thing to do is focusing on you and ignoring her completely.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Wow… she has some emotional issues.

You do deserve better but maybe NC is the best idea for you.

dee

November 18, 2013 at 10:52 pm

So my ex is deff in a rebound. Together for 5 yrs and been with this girl month after we split. I want to know how to get him back if he is In a rebound? !

admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Well you can read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/has-he-moved-on-how-to-get-him-back-if-he-has-a-girlfriend/

Maricella

November 18, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Me and my ex boyfriend Connor have been with each other for 6 months. He liked me since the first day he saw me and October of 2012. He just broke up with me and said he stopped loving me but he said that he wouldn’t tell me other reasons why we broke up. 6 months is pretty long for a High School relationship and i miss him a lot. He got a new girlfriend after one week he broke up with me. I believe that this is a rebound girl but just to make sure i would like to ask you. I am doing the no contact period right now and i am 19 days in. He has not tried to contact me at all during this time either.
Sorry this is so long. Please help me out.

admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:55 pm

No problem, you still have almost 10 days left on NC.

What are you doing with yourself during this time?

Jenn

November 18, 2013 at 4:21 pm

My ex of 4 years, whom I lived with sabotaged our relationship to be with his rebound. The day after we broke up be posted on FB that he’s in a new relationship. We’ve had NC for 15 days. Is there a possibility that after the 30 days, he will be happy to receive a text from me or being that he’s in another relationship he won’t care? Also, do u think he cares about me or misses me?

admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Sure but you don’t know until you try.

jessie

November 18, 2013 at 2:02 am

Hi Chris! I desperately need some advice if you wouldn’t mind. The man I was dating for 3 years broke up with me about a month ago right after he started college. I thought things were going great, but apparently not in his eyes. Even though he had kept telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me someday, he dumped me on the phone saying he wasn’t in love anymore and likes other girls and wants to be with them and enjoy being single.

Literally the day after we split, he was sleeping with someone else and has been seeing her for the past month. He did not wait any time at all from dating me to being with this next girl.

They’re not “offically dating” yet, but they have been seeing each other. Is this considered a rebound? I’m not sure how to tell whether he left to really enjoy being single or if he has deep feelings for this girl and that’s why he was with her the day after our split. I don’t understand how he could leave me after 3 years of being by his side through everything, for a girl he had only known at college for a few weeks?

Sorry this is long, but any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:33 pm

The new girl has signs of being a rebound.
jessie

November 18, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Okay thanks! Is there any chance of getting him back? I still love him. I’ve been doing no contact for about a month now, except at one point when I asked to get my things from his place at some point and he was really rude and cold, and he hasn’t tried to get ahold of me at all. Is there any hope?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:53 pm

Sure, just be really patient with him.

Natalie

November 18, 2013 at 12:47 am

Hey so I am 18 years old… my boyfriend broke up with me on our 1 year 3 month anniversary because he was claiming to me that his parents didn’t want us dating. I found out later from a friend that wasn’t true at all.

Less than 3 months after we broke up, he tells he has a new girlfriend who is 4 1/2 year older than him and she has some disability. My ex-BF tells me he doesn’t love her at all replies with “hell no” and he says that she’s a s**t. He says he loves me very much still and really misses me. I can tell this is a rebound relationship but he’s afraid to break it off with her because he’s afraid his parents will get angry with him. He also says his parents won’t let him see me because I had threatened him with a note and he told his parents about it. He also wants to get back with me in college. Any advice? He calls me every night on video chat.

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:19 pm

So he lied to you…

May I ask why you want him back?

I think NC is the way to go perosnally.

Lauren Bailey

November 17, 2013 at 4:04 pm

Hello Chris,

I highly believe that my ex is in a rebound relationship. There is pretty much no doubt in my mind, but he is definitely not your typical guy and I would love if you could give me personal advice on my situation. This is truly an urgent matter :'(

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:11 pm

What specifically do you want advice.
Lauren

November 17, 2013 at 11:39 pm

It is quite a long story. To try to sum it up, my ex and I broke up last weekend. I left him. All last week and weekend he was still telling me he loved me and wanted to change for our relationship. That night though he went out to the movies with another girl. She found out he had just gotten out of a relationship and, according to him, told him that they would never be any more than friends. They hung out just last night too when he keeps assuring me that she said that she didn’t want to get involved in our break up and we needed to work it out. (She told me this as well). Either way he told me that we need a real break and not talk for a while to figure out what we both want. Everything points to him and his new rebound that it won’t last, but not talking to him definitely makes me worry. We have broken up before and he did this exact same thing, found a rebound, didn’t actually want her and admitted that he just wants the company to fill the hole I have left. We have been dating for over 2yrs and before we broke up last week, we were madly in love and everything was going well. All I wanted was some time apart to think about what I wanted and then this happens. I really need some advice please. Thank you so much for listening.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:11 pm

No problem.

Tell me what you have done so far? Are you in NC?
Lauren

November 18, 2013 at 7:13 pm

I do live in NC. I have let him have his space. We don’t text because now he’s the one wanting the break. Everything that I’ve seen and been told shows that he is using this girl to fill the hole of me. I mean we have been looking at wedding rings for months now. I saw him the other night and he assured me that nothing was going on between them. That they were only friends, but then the following night I saw them go up to her apt. I asked his roommate for an answer because he and I are decent friends. Usually he is definitely not one to get involved, but he said that he wants to meet me tomorrow to give me his perspective. For me to calm down and not worry and that whatever he says he wants me to keep in mind that he wants to make this less painful for me than it has been. He wants to give me his perspective and not the one the ex has filtered on to me. I know that the ex is very angry with me for one breaking up with him, and two for the girl finding out that he had just gotten out of a relationship, but it does not add up. I know him and deep down I know he has not forgotten our deep love after almost 2yrs of being together. You don’t beg for someone back and when they want a break immediately hang out with someone else. I know deep down he cares and that this girl is solely a rebound. I am sure that she is not dumb and knows this herself.
Lauren

November 18, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Oh my goodness I just realized what you meant by NC. Haha it’s confusing when your state has the same abbreviation. Yes though, we are in complete no contact. Sorry about that.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:44 pm

Hahah no its ok.

How long have you been in no contact.
Lauren

November 24, 2013 at 9:25 pm

I’m sorry it has been a few days. Well the no contact lasted about a week and then he started spamming my phone. He and I have been talking casually for the past week and he has been sweet just like he was before the break up. He told me how when I touch him that he melts, how everything I have been thinking is correct (which I’m assuming means the rebound), how he wants to talk to me and do the right thing for once. I really thought he was coming back, but then last night he hung out with the rebound again. He has PROMISED that they are only friends and absolutely no moves have been made, but I cannot wait for him forever. I honestly thought I knew that he wanted me back, but now I’m not positive because he’s too chicken to make the moves. What do you think?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Well that means you are going to have to make the moves..
Lauren

November 25, 2013 at 1:38 am

He is talking with me now and has confirmed that nothing has to do with her. Once again he fears our future. We have been through this numerous times before. He always worries that we won’t be happy with our future and then he’ll come back a few weeks or even days later and asks me “what on earth was he thinking”. I hate that we go through this cycle in our relationship.
Lauren

November 25, 2013 at 7:16 pm

I hate I something always happens and I have to catch you up haha. I’m sorry there is so much. He finally talked to me about everything last night. It has nothing to do with the girl or our future. Once again his friends are trying to tell him what to do. They did this last year because I’ll admit my ex is kind of a push over. His friends pressure him and tell him that he’s too young to settle down, etc, but deep down he wants to be with me. This all has to do with his reputation with his friends who also happen to be his roommates. Last year I waited an entire semester of school for him and when he didn’t come back I let him go over the summer. That is when he really saw what he had done and how much his friends influence him. He has just admitted to me last night how this has to do with his reputation, how he knows we are not over, how he still has feelings for me, and he can stand up to them. How does one deal with friends though who are the cocky types and who haven’t dated in over 2 years. His friends are definitely no experts on a relationship. My ex knows that he cannot let them run his life, but last year I waited months for him to stand up to them and he didn’t. He finally did earlier this school year. He wanted to finally take control of his own life. I know he has not lost any of his feelings for me. He has admitted this, but how does one break away from his cocky friends and follow his heart and what he knows is best for him? I cannot wait as long as I did last year, but golly do I love him more than anything on this earth. What to do??
admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Unfortunately that is something he has to do on his own. You can’t force him to leave his friends and you shouldn’t put him in that position.

anomous

November 16, 2013 at 6:48 am

My ex boyfriend and I ws apart for 1 month and a half and he and I ws incontact and seeing each other when he met this girl I didn’t know he ws seeing her until 2and a half months later she stole my number off his daughters ph me to tell me they were seeing each other so he didn’t want her or me to know he ws seeing either one of us bt he told me he told her he still had feelings for me but he gt engage to her 4days later how can a man jump from one relationship into another and hsnt even given himself a chance to heal from his previous relationship and moves in with her and proposes marriage to me that realy doesn’t add up

admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:00 pm

He seems very unsure of everything doesn’t he.

BV

November 15, 2013 at 4:31 pm

My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. He started a few months later a relationship with a new girl. He told me he doesn’t love her. He blocked me on Facebook a long time ago. I only followed him on instagram. He posted random pictures regurlarly but I did not ‘like’ any of them. We already have no contact for 1 month. Now I noticed that he blocked me on Instagram right before he posted (the first picture) of his new girl. Why would he do that?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Maybe he didn’t want you to see the picture of the new girl?
BV

November 16, 2013 at 10:14 am

But he told me a month ago that he had someone new. So why hide it if I already know?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:07 pm

Hmmm its different when you are actually there in front of someone you know?
BV

November 17, 2013 at 1:23 pm

Hmm I don’t understand what you mean? Haha sorry
admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:59 pm

Sorry I forgot what I said?
BV

November 17, 2013 at 9:21 pm

You said “Hmmm its different when you are actually there in front of someone you know?”

Haha we are both confused 🙂
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Yes I have no clue.. I lost the context of our situation haha.

Sorry :(. Lets start over.
BV

November 20, 2013 at 5:32 pm

He told me multiple times that he doesn’t love her. He even called her a slut. He has never lied to me before (Even when he better should have lied 😉 ). I told him if he loved someone else I would understand and let him go. But he said he loved me and it was hurting him. That’s why I’m still thinking about him.

PS: You’re a really great person for helping people you don’t know. You respond to every comment! That’s truly amazing!
admin

November 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Well that is understandable.

But if that is the case why is he with her?

P.S. Thank you.
BV

November 18, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Haha. So my ex suddenly blocked me on Instagram after 1 month of no contact. After he blocked me he posted a pic of his new gf. He already told me a month ago he had someone new but that he doesn’t love her. I’m just confused why he blocked me before posting the pic. Is he hiding it so I wouldn’t be mad and come back? That’s a bit too optimistic, isn’t it?
BV

November 21, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Hahaha you’re right! He’s weird! But i liked that about him of course 🙂 I think I’m gonna reach out for him one more time in a couple of days. But if he’s mean of ignores me, it’s over. Plenty of weird fish in the sea 😉
admin

November 22, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Weird fish… I like that.
BV

November 20, 2013 at 6:13 pm

The last thing he said to me was:
“I have accepted that I’m never going to be happy. I loved you and couldn’t handle it. That’s why I’m with someone I don’t love. It was suspicious that you loved me. You are too good for me.”

Maybe he’s with her because she can’t hurt him because he doesn’t love her.
(Or he’s just a liar and I never realized)
admin

November 21, 2013 at 5:54 pm

This is the weirdest guy I have ever heard of. His statements make no sense at all.
BV

November 19, 2013 at 6:55 pm

I think you’re right 🙁 Pff I don’t know what to do.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:12 pm

What has you confused specifically.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:43 pm

He probably didn’t want you to have your feelings hurt or his new gf ordered him to block you.
BV

November 15, 2013 at 4:43 pm

I mean: why would he mind that I saw him with his new girlfriend?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Maybe he didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

jacquelin

November 15, 2013 at 7:16 am

My ex got back together with his ex gf and we stopped talking. It made me feel like he wasnt ever truly over her and just used me as a rebound. I have been NC with him now for 3 months, haven’t seen him for 10 but I know he’s been living with her. Recently he contacted me and I suspect they have broken up.

My question is. How can I tell if he wants me to be his rebound? How can I prevent it from becoming a rebound relstionship?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Well, I suppose really do a great job if you get him back and make it past the rebound period.

mema

November 15, 2013 at 12:08 am

I was in arelationship for ten years with my Guy and he always accuse me of cheating but he was the one who cheated and him and his newgirl which was a friend of mine been together for three months now I really love this person do you think hell come back we have two beautiful kids and a lot of good memories

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:17 pm

Interesting. So, he was afraid of you cheating b/c he was cheating. May I ask why you want him back?

Cassie

November 14, 2013 at 11:42 pm

Hey chris. Yeah I’m not too sure either. He told my friends he doesn’t care about me and he’s moved on and stuff. Funny thing is the girl he’s dating goes clubbing and partying and has tons of guy friends and he doesn’t like girls like these and he told me he would never date someone like her so I’m pretty confused. He seems happy with her though.

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:08 pm

If she really goes clubbing or partying most guys will worry to death causing friction in the relationship. Just be patient and wait for now.

Cassie

November 14, 2013 at 3:23 pm

I’m 17, my boyf & I dated for almost 2 yrs. we lost our virginity to each other and had good memories with each other, and also bad memories. We broke up 2 months ago but we were still dating and flirting with each other but not in a relationship, we had fights and he broke it off with me 3 weeks ago. After a week , he met this girl through mutual friends and next thing I know they’re now dating each other but not in a a relationship. He claims he moved on, he’s the happiest he is. The funny thing is the girl he is dating right now is someone he wouldn’t date, do you think he’s in a rebound?

admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:16 pm

It could be does she have signs of being one?

Cate

November 14, 2013 at 1:39 am

My ex was cheating on me w/ this girl for a few months then he went to homecoming w/ her days later we broke up. the same day before we actually broke up, he was telling everyone i was ex, & i wasn’t aware of anything until afterschool. later he texted me asking to discuss the whole situation between us. we haven’t discussed the break-up because i told him it was no point at that moment i told him it was quite “obvious” he made his decision. Is he using this girl as a rebound? we’ve dated for 9mnths.

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Does she have the signs as a rebound?
Cate

November 23, 2013 at 1:13 am

…i’m not sure. Cuz i assumed he really liked her. They were always together undercover and since we broke up they made it bold & was basically flaunting it for the whole school to see.
(she really thinks she doing something big too)

Kim

November 13, 2013 at 4:56 pm

My ex and I have been together for 6 years. He said, he loves me but not in love with me. He started feeling this 4-5 months ago and I wasn’t aware of this. I want him back but he told me few weeks ago on a Tuesday that he wants to break up with me. On a Thursday, he confess that he likes someone else at his job. She is 9 year age difference and noticing that he’s wearing young style clothes, getting iPhone, etc. things he refused to do when he was with me bc he was old school type. I know this is a rebound relationship but I can’t get him out of my mind. He finally told his father that we were no longer together. He is a selfish person and I accept him for who he is and I didn’t need him to change but he is doing it bc of her. Do you think this relationship will last bc of age difference, he’s 42 and she’s 32 years old? I’m still living in house until I find a place. What can I do to win him back?

admin

November 13, 2013 at 9:11 pm

No I don’t think it will last if I am being honest.

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