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Vicky
November 2, 2017 at 10:40 am
Hi again,
So I didn’t the 30 NC. My ex reached out a few times and I never responded. I’m in the first week of the texting phase and About 2 weeks ago, he started a rebound relationship. He responds to all my messages positively but tried to put his new relationship into my face. I don’t act on it and am just nice and cool to him. So yesterday he came over to pick up some his stuff that he left here and we talked a bit about some issues he is having at home. Tried to be supportive but he was very distant. You can see that is is truly hurt.
So next week I have tickets for an event that I had bought him for his birthday.
Should I ask him to go with me? Or should I go with someone else? Wouldn’t that hurt him more?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 4, 2017 at 12:24 am
HI Vicky,
go with someone else… and besides, if it hurts, then that means he still has feelings for you.
Joy
November 2, 2017 at 1:15 am
Mutually had feelings for each other
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2017 at 3:53 pm
Did you mean he knows you have feelings for him but he doesn’t? Try the no contact rule..do at least 30 days
Joy
October 30, 2017 at 11:16 pm
What if you were in a rebound relationship to begin with and it morphed into more and you talked to that person all the time even before you started dating them and they are one girl at a time type of guy whose cautious about getting into relationships and will only get into a relationship if he knows its mutual and was in bad 6 year relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2017 at 6:47 pm
Hi Joy,
Mutual with what?
Hannah
October 30, 2017 at 10:59 am
Reply to last post. He text me on Saturday and told me he wouldn’t be going on anymore dates because he loves me and going on the date hasn’t helped feel the hole he was hoping it would. He told me he needs space from me so he can find a way to happiness. What shall I do? Apart from NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2017 at 3:34 pm
It’s really starting nc, being active in improving yourself and in posting
Hannah
October 28, 2017 at 3:30 pm
Hey,I have posted a few times on this site now but need to do an update.
I was seeing a guy for 9 months but he ended it because his family made him for cultural reasons. In that time he took me on holiday we had broken up 2 months into the relationship but he got back with me and just kept me a secret from his family. Well this time he hasn’t come back. He has distanced himself from me but would text me every now and again to see how I was and even asked questions about our relationship , so it started to make me think he was gonna do what he did the first time we broke up and come back…. Well 2 days ago he messaged me and told me that he had been on a date with a girl. It’s only been 6 weeks since we split. I got upset and said it was all too soon for him to be dating already considering he always told me in the relationship that I was the first person he had ever loved and all his past relationships were pointless. I said to him I actually did think be was gonna re start the relationship but said he won’t do that to himself again because it hurts too much. Anyway he told me that he needed to date because he was becoming depressed and was feeling very lonely and just wanted some happiness, he said he was sorry but it’s what he needed to do to be happy. He did say nothing may come of it but he needed to do this to see if it would make him feel better. He also said his family life hasn’t exactly been fun either. He told me that he told this new girl about me and that he wanted to take things slowly with her because he was still trying to deal with everything. This girl also sounds like it may be someone his family would accept. So what I am asking is, is this a rebound? And do I still have a good chance to win him back. I know the family situation is still a issue. Also when he was texting me about this new girl he was so cold towards me like I never even mattered.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2017 at 11:03 am
HI Hannah,
yes, it’s a rebound.. your chances depend more on what you do during and after nc..
E
October 20, 2017 at 6:11 pm
My bf broke up with me after 1.5 year. He said he fell out of love with me. I guess I was too needy and clingy. He also mentioned that he likes someone else..
ever since I’ve been in no contact. I really needed that time in order to focus on me. But yesterday he posted for the first time on Instagram. And it was a pic of him and his new gf.
Now I do not follow him anymore on instagram and I’ve blocked him on fb. But my friends and my family follows him on Instagram.. and he knew that I’m more active there than any other social media. And on fb we didn’t have any common friends so if he had uploaded it there I would never knew.. because that’s how I found out now. A friend of me send the pic.
It was so out of his character to do something like that. He was the kind of person who believed that we don’t need to post our happiness to the world. I guesss that changed.
It’s been only two weeks.. I mean who is he? I feel like I don’t even know him.
Is she a rebound? Or did I just spend 1.5 year of my life with a stranger?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2017 at 11:49 pm
Are you still in nc now?
Rose
October 20, 2017 at 2:10 pm
My bf broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We were together for almost 2 years. But this September i had to move out so we decided to a LDR. Things weren’t so good.. I had some family issues and during those times he became my everything. So yeah I was needy and clingy.. eventually he broke up with me because he said that I took his love for granted and he couldn’t take all this drama. He also admitted that he felt an attraction for someone else. After that I did the no contact rule. I didn’t contacted him at all.. but yesterday he posted a photo of him with his new gf!! And the worst? He uploaded it on istagram!
When we broke up I told him that I would block him on fb for a while.. I couldn’t stand seeing him with someone else. So he could just uploaded it there. But no, he chose Instagram. He knew I use it more often than fb. And even though I’m not following him, my friends do, so do some members of my family… he knew I would see it.
This was so out of character.. he never posted anything on Instagram when he was with me. Which is why I didn’t block him there. I never thought he would post anything like that.. He used to say that if you’re really happy you don’t need to post it to the world. But suddenly it’s ok to upload a lovey dovey pic of him and his new gf.
It’s been exactly 2 weeks since the break up. I’ve been doing my best not to break the no contact rule while he is enjoying himself with her.
After so long together he just replaced me..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2017 at 10:34 pm
Hi Rose,
Are you still in nc now?
Maria Christina
October 12, 2017 at 8:12 am
hi, my ex and I lasted for only four months but his friends told me that he really loved me. he’s a nice guy but I was toxic and controlling. we always fought and fought until he got tired maybe. then after a month he’s officially dating another woman who is far prettier than me. I know it’s my fault but can i still get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2017 at 6:24 pm
HI Maria Christina,
You can still try.. Have you tried our quiz?
p
October 7, 2017 at 2:35 pm
So it seems like my ex’s rebound relationship might have ended after 2 1/2 months because the girl deleted her pictures of them off her instagram but my ex has not deleted the ones off his… so I’m not sure what to think or do.
P
October 9, 2017 at 3:03 pm
Riight.. I have been doing NC for over a month now and I feel like my old self again so now I’m really wanting to talk to him, I miss his friendship but I think I should do NC for a little longer because we attempted to be friends right before I started nc (I couldn’t handle it, was still hurt) so I think more nc time would be beneficial. What do you think? Also when I do decide to initiate first contact afterwards and start building rapport should I use the “being there” method because he’s still talking to the rebound (whether they are together or not) I know they still hangout.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2017 at 2:46 pm
You can extend to 45 days and yep, use the being there method
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 8, 2017 at 11:25 pm
Nothing, because why would you know what the other girl does with her account right?
Asli
October 6, 2017 at 9:37 pm
we divorced with my husband 9 months ago. I threw him out before we divorced. then he started dating a new woman even though we were married. He went to live with this woman. The woman threw him out and my ex husband tried to come home. I did not let him come back .Then he started to go out with a woman I knew and took common pictures with her so he could make me jealous. Then i went abroad. He called me and said he was not ready for marriage. We agreed that we are friends because we have a common child. when I returned to Finland, I continued my life and I kept in touch with my close male friends. Then my ex-husband behavior changed and he started to ignores me. Once he called me and started intimidate me. He started to intervene my actions. He dont want that I am dealing with men. then he removed me from social media and said he did not want to ever know me. afterwards I knew that then he divorced from the woman he had been living with. now he has agreed with her again and he is Ignoring me and our child. Now he is in relationship with this wowan and whenever he broke up with her , he start to hang out new womens or start to fight me without reason. What this behavior means ? Is he over me yet? Is he in rebound relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 8, 2017 at 8:31 pm
Hi Asli,
He can be in a rebound but it can also be just ego because he still has that sense of ownership with you and that because he can see you’re still affected if he acts like that
Rob
August 8, 2017 at 1:47 pm
I got with my ex gf while she was with her partner of 8 years , I told her she needed to think carefully and if she was leaving him do it for her not me . We had a few encounters behind his back wrong I know I feel guilty for this . She broke up with him moved him out , he had asked to see her phone which she deleted every message then he started being nasty saying she had done this before etc . She said he had physically and mentally abused her wouldn’t let her wear certain clothes or go out . She told me she hated him . She was telling me things that she would marry me tomorrow never felt this way about anyone wanted a child with me , I fell for it and deeply in love , all her friends said they had never seen her happier . There was a bit of banter in the pub her son works there . That hurt him her dad knew she had cheated and called her bad names it spiralled . She was still happy with me I thought until she asked for space but said we were still together ! The ex was drunken calling her all the time then said he was on medication and suicidal , I saw her leaving his place 2 days later she saw me and tried to hide , I was so cut up I told her I was heartbroken that she would spend more time with him and couldn’t talk to me . She got angry telling me it wouldn’t bother her she needed out of a relationship , we spoke a month later she is very good friends with her ex now talk every day she has gone down the same route on pills depression , suicidal as we hurt everyone I asked her if it was real as I felt love she said she didn’t know . I tried to be friends and she’s mixing pills and booze and goes cold the next day never once asked how I am I think it was all a fake on her part I feel so used .
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 9, 2017 at 3:19 pm
Rob are you going to do the no contact rule?
Nicholle
August 8, 2017 at 1:16 pm
My ex and I had a wonderful relationship for 2 years. We both enjoyed most of our time together. However he broke up with me about 3 weeks ago because he said I was too much sometimes. For the first two weeks I made the mistake of begging and pleading. I didn’t contact him everyday but I did a few days and those days I begged for him back and told him how much I missed him and loved him. During this time, he did however tell me that “we might get back together just not now” this was so confusing to me because why would he break up with me if he thought we might get back together? I now know contacting him was a huge mistake, so at the beginning of the 3 week I decided to start the no contact period. I am now 1 week into no contact and I am still missing my ex like crazy constantly checking his social media pages. He is currently with another girl. He went to his school with this girl and has known her for a very long time. He tends to hang out with her when he is in between relationships or on a break with his ex girlfriends but they never dated or were anything serious. I know this because before we started dating, he broke up with his ex about 6 months before and he was hanging out with the girl he is currently hanging out with during those six months. This girl is the complete opposite of me and him for the most part, but I think she’s fun and is showing him a good time. I am trying to figure out if this is a rebound relationship and if I have a chance at getting back together with him. He started hanging out with this girl immediately after we broke up like not even a day later. I knew about this girl when I was still in contact with him and asked him about her and he kept telling me he’s not with her and just hangs out with her because she’s fun to hang out with and they are friends but I’m not sure if I can believe that. I am willing to do anything to get him back in my life, do you think I still have a chance? We also had sex about a week after the break up and he told me he loved me that day too. The thing I’m mostly worried about is that he’s spending so much time with this girl. Most of his friends have girlfriends so there’s a possibility he hangs out with her because of that reason. I personally think that he needed a break from me and that if I want and finish out the no contact period he will want to get back together with me but there’s always that worry that he’s not going to. I want to show him that I’m having a good time without him during this no contact period but I don’t use social media too often so I think if I start to post he will know that it is directed towards him.
Thank you for your help!!
Unknown
October 17, 2017 at 6:55 am
Hi Nicholle,
I also broke up with my boyfriend and our RS lasted for almost four years. While we were in post breakup preiod, he already met his rebound girl at his work and started to date as soon as he broke up with me. I did everything to get him back but none of them made him come back to me. So I decided to go NC and forget about him and his rebound too. Now I am in fourth week of NC and my feelings over them became more stable. Whatever they do, wherever they go, I don’t have control over their mind and manner. So I stop giving care about them and focus on myself. Now I am even sure that I need him back in my life. May be I want him, but I am sure I can also live my life without him. Wanting and needing is totally different. So Nicholle, do not give a single care about them whether they hang out together or whatever. Forget them and focus on yourself, love yourself and prove them they were wrong about letting you go from their life. Do NC and good things will surely come. Whether he come back or not is his part, but you will be yourself again after NC. I hope my reply gave you something good.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 9, 2017 at 3:17 pm
just start out slowly. You’re conveying you’re changing. So, that’s just one of the changes.
Dan
August 2, 2017 at 4:12 pm
I was withe the love of my life for 2 years. We met at work and instantly fell in Love. My situation is different I guess you can say. I lived with the Mother of my child and told her upfront when we got together the truth. The Mother of my child and I agreed to separate and I was moving out. Me and the Mother of my child are not together and not in Love. I met the the woman of my dreams and had a great 2 years. I promised her i was moving away from the mother of my child , but was waiting for my life to be financial secure before moving. She didn’t mind that and Loved me. We had dances in the rain, and held each other. When we made love we shaked and stared at each other’s eyes. We were seeing each other every night for 2 years. It was Love we could feel it. After 2 years she sends me a text on July 4th saying “Don’t be mad, but I’ve recently started seeing someone”. I was so Hurt by this and was angry and of course said things I didn’t really mean because it caught me off guard. She told me that she didn’t want anyone else 2 weeks before sending me that text. She instantly blocked me from her life right after I received that text. I unfriended her on Facebook because I didn’t want to be hurt and reminded. She blocked my phone and messenger on Facebook. I never sent her any messages besides the instant reply to her text to me on the 4th. 2 weeks passed and I sent one text to her phone from a friends phone to apologize to her for my comments on the 4th after her text. I told her I respected her new relationship and that she deserved a good man in her life. She replied that she had to move on and couldn’t wait for me to make a decision, which she never pushed me to make a decision and she was understanding of my situation. I know my faults I owned up to them. I lost the Love of my life. I guess my question is, Is their a chance that this is a rebound relationship? She said she loves me and misses me 2 weeks before sending me a text on the 4th saying she’s seeing someone else? It seems like it happened so fast. I just wished she would have talked to me personally about this instead of texting me :(. Thanks for reading. I’m also in NC for a month and it’s getting easier, but everyday my heart hurts for her. I keep myself busy and it helps, but the memories that were so sweet hurt. I cried over her and I don’t cry very easily. I have no way to contact her anyways. So should I just wait and hope she contacts me? I don’t expect it, but hopefully it’s a rebound or a mistake she made.
Audrey
October 5, 2017 at 8:55 pm
Dan, I have the exact same case except he held on for me for 8 yrs. we were in a LD relationship but talked for hours daily for 8 yrs! We met many times a year! We had a magical, spiritual connection! I understand the chills and shaking too! He told me a cpl weeks before he would never ever be able to be with anyone else ever then left me and I just saw he posted in a relationship on fb with tons of pictures of him and her! I can’t breathe! In miserable crying going to a shrink trying to just make it through each day!! He told me it was over and if we had been meant to be I would’ve been with him a long time ago! I know he’s been seeing her obviously for a while! I sent him a apology letter letting him know I respect his decision! No teply! That’s been a month ago!! Any news on your end?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 5, 2017 at 5:36 pm
Hi Dan,
It looks more like a grass is greener case
Renee
August 2, 2017 at 5:10 am
Me ex and I broke up during a huge fight and he was sleeping with his other previous ex and was with her within the hour and is staying with her at her mom’s place because he has no where else to go but we were texting the first couple days and I did beg him to come back and he said he didn’t want to be there and he was thinking about things and then he would say he doesn’t want me and I have a daughter who he treats like his own and he is saying he just wants to visit her and see her and maybe we can talk and then he says there is no chance of us… it’s just really confusing to me but now I haven’t talked to him in a couple days and we only broke up a week ago… so I just wanted your advice/opinion on what exactly you think he’s trying to do? Like does he want her? And does he actually want to see mydaughter or is he just using that to keep me around? She’s only 7 months so it’s not like shell remember him…. I just don’t get how he’s thinking and if he even misses me or wants me… I’m just upset and emotional and completely lost
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 4, 2017 at 5:30 pm
Hi Renee,
It looks it’s an excuse for him to keep you around..are you going to do the no contact rule/
Marie
June 30, 2017 at 1:00 am
My ex and I broke up after about 4 years of dating. We had planned on getting engaged at one point, but then he broke up with me, I told him I wasn’t sure of I truly loved him. And then about a few weeks later I got into a rebound that lasted about a month and started ignoring his text. I ignored his texts on and off for about 4ish months during which time, we had sex twice, but I didn’t continue communication. Eventually though I came to my sense and told him I wanted to be with him. This time I was very much in love and worked my butt off to prove it to him and apologize. Well a year later I got very upset about something that we didn’t agree on and it was a deal breaker for me, so I broke it off. He kept talking to me and explained to me that it wasn’t that big of a deal. So I told him we could continue if I saw a change. Well we live in different states and I told him I wanted to come visit him in a week, so we could spend some quality time together. I asked him if he wanted to see me and wanted to continue things and he said yes. So I came to visit him for the weekend. The weekend went well despite one little argument that I was able to turn around. Well a few days later him and I were talking about possibly going to counseling because I would be living in town near him all summer. And he said he felt weird talking about that with me. I was confused and asked why. He said he didn’t know and maybe we should just be friends. Well I was so confused and started crying and he sat on the phone with me to help me feel better till I went to sleep. A week later I decide to come see him just for a day, so we could talk face to face. He told me he didn’t want to see me and that he thought things were too tense. I was so confused and the next day he didn’t text me until about 2 am. I told him I was stressed all day and he asked why. I told him because I thought he was with someone else, and he told me he was and that’s why he didn’t want to see me the day before. Since then we have had many arguments, but things have died down a lot. His rebound asked him to cut me off and he originally said no, because he wanted to make sure I was ok. And now we are at the point where we talked and have talked in person a few times and he told her we stopped talking a few weeks ago (he thinks she’ll leave him if she finds out). And about 2 weeks ago he told me out of the blue that she could drop him at any moment and he feels like sh**. I asked him why he doesn’t break up with her and he said, because he doesn’t want to be impulsive and her good outweighs her bad. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to disrespect her, but I want him back. Also she took him out to eat the day we broke up and did a few other, out of her way, nice things for him the week before, so I honestly feel like she was trying to take him away, because she knew things weren’t good. But I do want him back, granted I’d make him work for it, but I want him back. I have no idea what to do and she is very clearly a rebound. They are already having problems, but she is always trying to take up all his time outside of work (I honestly feel like it’s to keep him away from me). It’s been almost 2 months since the break up and about a month and a half since their relationship started. And she’s clearly insecure because she told me if I loved him I’d stop talking to him about 2 weeks after our break up. And she tried to talk to me in person a few weeks ago to tell me not to talk to him anymore. I feel like the relationship could be falling apart, but he usually tells me when they are having a problem and he hasn’t mentioned anything (probably because he told her he doesn’t talk to me anymore).
Marie
June 30, 2017 at 11:07 pm
He told me he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore. But I don’t really believe him
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2017 at 5:38 pm
There’s no guarantee that it wil work in any circumstance, but you can still try it
Marie
June 30, 2017 at 11:05 pm
I want to, but I’ve been having trouble. Do you think even though we’ve been talking for the past two months it’ll still work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 30, 2017 at 4:37 pm
Hi marie,
Are you going to do the no contact rule?
T
June 28, 2017 at 6:45 pm
Hi Amore,
I was seeing a guy for about 10 months. Most of this time was long distance. In the beginning we were in the same state and in the end we were in the same state. While we were away we visited each other across the country twice.
We never actually decided we were BF and GF which I think had to do with why we brokeup. Got into a fight over making each other jealous and when I confronted him he said he didn’t think he wanted to date. I didn’t freak out, I said okay I understand hope we can still be friends because I knew how much this guy liked me and how much fun we have together.
He and I had a concert to go to 3 days after this talk. We went and had an amazing time. He told me to come back to his apartment and when I got there his ex gf from so long ago was there and flipped out saying she was his GF. I was hanging out with this guy every weekend, going to family events, planning trips together- there’s no way I was the side piece girl.
It was a disaster and then I cut contact. He kept texting and snap chatting me and saying he wanted to talk because he cared about me so much.
I figured I would let him stew on it for the weekend, I didn’t answer. He snapchatted me that morning and I didn’t answer then he put up a picture of the ex gf on his story. I was furious. I got drunk that night and texted him yelling at him. The next day we talked and argued a bit back and forth, he kept saying he wants to be friends. I said I didn’t want that.
A few days later I told him I wasn’t happy about how things ended and I wanted to talk in person and he agreed. The night we were going to talk he didn’t follow up with me so I didn’t text him. He snapped me I didn’t answer. Next day he texted me being like I didn’t hear from you last night. I was being very nonchalant because if he didn’t care neither did I. Then I left the country for a week. While I was gone he sent me a snap of a song we saw in concert, I didn’t answer. Then being naive I texted him when I returned and said I am back now if you’d still like to meet up. He didn’t answer. Then I saw a snapchat on one of our friend’s stories that he was w the ex girlfriend at his family’s beach house. The next day he texted me and asked how my trip was and I didn’t answer.
I am curious if he is using his ex as a rebound. They broke up a pretty long time ago and while he and I were together she was adamant about trying to get him back and he wasn’t interested. He said things about her like they always fought and she didn’t know how to take care of herself. Even when he and I were fighting he said that she just showed up at his apartment that night and that “she is crazy about him” and that they’re not together. Is he going back to her because she is crazy about him and it makes him feel better?
I really hadnt like this guy very much until about a month ago and I finally let my guard down. He seemed so into me taking me to nice places, buying me gifts, he even got himself a gym membership because I like to go to the gym. What would you say the next steps to take are? I’m also afraid I am going to see him this weekend for our friends birthday
T
August 8, 2017 at 9:04 pm
So I hungout with him. We had some good text convos and I got him to meet up with me for drinks (he didn’t initiate any of the text convos). We spent 4 hours with eachother, it was super casual and light, lots of laughing. He seemed like he wanted to spend more time together, saying lets get one more drink, but I couldn’t because I had to be somewhere. He was trying to make plans to see me the next day but when I followed up the next day he seemed distant. I didn’t make a big deal of it. Texted him 2 days later saying “had fun the other day, lets do something after work this week” and he got back to me saying he was busy during the week but we would get together soon. I feel like he is pulling back again. Things seemed great when we were together but I don’t want to be pushy and scare him away. What would you recommend doing now? I told him “sounds good dude” to his last message (trying to be friend-like) and I figured I wouldn’t speak to him until he reaches out. What do you think is the best idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 9, 2017 at 3:53 pm
don’t rush.. it’s supposed to be texts to build rapport to move to calls, calls to be build more rapport and attraction before meet ups..
T
July 26, 2017 at 9:14 pm
Hi amor,
First contact went well texted him you’ll never believe what I just saw. He answered and said what was it. I responded and hour later and talked about a special on a menu that reminded me of this cool place we went to in Cali. I said it made me think of him for the first time in a while and I hoped he was doing well. He answered a fairly long response the next morning, I answered a bit later with a question in response to something he said and told him I was going to yoga and couldn’t talk. He said something decently long and said “oh wow before work look at you” in response to yoga. I didn’t answer. Then he snap chatted me a picture of his dog talking about its haircut, I sent a picture of my dog back, then he sent a picture of himself and I made a remark about his mustache because he never had one before and he didn’t answer.
Today I texted him and asked for his advice about making a bet on an mma fight coming up, he was sending me huge paragraphs about who to choose and I said well if I lose beware because I’m coming after you! He responded something normal and I didn’t answer.
My question is now where do I go from here? I know I’m not supposed to text him tomorrow because of texting rules but on Friday I’m not gonna have anything I can think of to say. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying so hard to talk to him if he’s not initiating, especially considering his ex is still in the picture. Do you have recommendations on what to say?
Convo has been really light which is good and he’s giving good feedback but I feel like I’m at a standstill
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 30, 2017 at 4:28 pm
Use the topics that he always loves talking about
T
July 19, 2017 at 3:21 pm
Hi amor I only have 3 days left of no contact. He put up an Instagram picture last weekend of a sunset in Maine and tagged the ex gf in it. Apparently they went on a trip together but this May of been for his job. Yesterday I put up a picture of me doing yoga and he liked it, and then checked out my snap stories right after.
Just want your opinion of what I should do after NC ends this weekend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2017 at 4:57 pm
Initiate contact and dont bring up his tagged posts with the ex.. Check this one:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact
T
July 10, 2017 at 8:53 pm
He texted me on my birthday 4 days ago and said “happy birthday dude” I didn’t answer. Is this a good sign? He’s back looking at all of my Snapchat stories again
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 9:39 am
Yup it is
T
July 5, 2017 at 6:55 pm
Yes. I have been in no contact for 11 days I have not heard from him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 6, 2017 at 7:14 pm
that’s good. Be active in improving yourself and in posting
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 30, 2017 at 10:50 am
After the events, do you want to try the no contact rule?
Liz
June 26, 2017 at 7:52 am
Hello Amor,
I’ve left a few comments on a couple of these articles months ago but a lot has happened since then and i really need some advice although im not even sure if you can help me with this problem I have. This might get a little long. So my ex and I are both 25. We were an on/off couple with a 10 year history although we have known each other since 8th grade. So we have known each other for 12 years all together. He broke up with me back in August 2016 after almost 7 years together. I didn’t really take it well especially since he left me at a time when I was going through very difficult times in my family health wise and when I needed him the most. I didn’t take our break up very well due to this and I constantly called/texted him begging for another chance and trying to talk to him for months. He would still talk to me a few times and we met up in December. I asked him for another chance but he was already in a rebound relationship with another girl by this time and had the gigs syndrome. He eventually blocks my phone number right before new years eve. No contact with him for months until early April when he randomly texts me asking if he could apologize to me in person to which I allow. During our no contact, I completely change myself. Started exercising more, had a drastically different haircut, gotten new glasses, and had a much higher self esteem. He apologized for cutting me out for all those months and admitted that he wanted to talk to me as I was his best friend but didn’t know how. He also tells me that he sees my changes and that hes proud of me and that I remind him of how I used to be when we first got together in high school. He tells me that he had just broken up with the girl he was rebounding with and that their break up had gotten ugly and out of hand to which legal action had to take place and she give him a lot of difficulties. He begs me for another chance and constantly tried to kiss me to which i don’t agree to as he had really hurt me when he broke up with me and I had a wall up and was scared of getting hurt again and needed more time. I tell him that there is a possibility for us to get back together although not anytime soon but i tell him that we can stay friends first as he really is my best friend. His parents were also happy that we were talking again as they had always liked me and didn’t care for his rebound girl. I also tell him that would have to put in more effort into winning me back since I didn’t love him the same way that I had used to but I still wasn’t completely over him. I tell him exactly what I wanted from him and he agrees to put in more effort. We still texted and saw each other in person regularly through April and he added me on Snapchat. In May, we still texted but didn’t see each other in person much as I was busy with college finals. I was also getting upset that he wasn’t putting in much effort into winning me back like he agreed. On June 5th, I ask him to visit me at my house as a way to tell him to continue putting in effort into me and I really did want to see him. We ended up just talking and watching tv. Some clothes did come off though. He tried to kiss me but I still wasnt ready for that but I hugged him and he commented that I looked happy and I told him that I genuinely was. I ask him to take me out for my birthday that was soon and he agrees and asks if he can get me a birthday gift. After he leaves my house, we keep texting and flirting and talking on Snapchat for the next three weeks although we do not see each other in person again due to his work schedule and I was busy also. I call him on June 8th to check up on him and ask if he got out of work ok. He thanks me for calling. We keep texting but I start noticing that his messages start getting shorter and more sporadic and we wouldnt talk for a couple of days. On my birthday, he sends me a message on Snapchat but doesnt call me or talk to me the whole rest of my birthday. Early afternoon June 19 , I send him a text and a Snapchat message asking if he’s doing ok to which he replies that he is on a date and about to head to work. I took this a little hard but I replied with just an “ohh ok” and “be careful going to work.” He does not reply or text me again. Later on that night I text him asking if i could say goodnight to which he does not reply. I also wanted to ask him to go visit me at my house the next day as I was really missing him and wanted to talk to him. Next day June 20, I call him again to ask him to visit me but he does not answer. He never called me back, answered my texts, and I noticed that he had blocked me on Snapchat. June 21, I go to his house to confront him and ask why he started ignoring me again. He answers with an “I dont know”. I ask him about what is going on between us and admitted that didnt think anything would happen between us again as I was still being cautious and also admits that he had seen his ex (the girl he rebounded with) again because she wanted to apologize. He seemed really embarrassed about this. He also tells me that she had taken his phone while he was away and sent me that message that he was on a date. I tell him that yes he might meet someone else but he pulls me into his arms, tells me not to be saying stupid comments like that and that he only wants me. I remind him to put in some more effort, tell him that I love him and kiss him. He kisses me back and clothes come off and some things happen but i stop him before we went all the way. I tell him to please not ignore me anymore as he really is my best friend and that his ex wasn’t a good person. He tells me that he “wishes that he could say lets get back together right now” but he still had some “things to figure out” He ends with a comment that he has no idea what hes doing and that i’m too good for him. I tell him that is why he needs to talk to me not ignore me and we can take it slow. Before I leave his house he tells me that im the greatest friend that anyone could ever have. I leave his house and he does not talk to me again after that. June 22, I get a call from an unknown number and I answer. A girl is on the other line asking for me and I tell her that it is me and asking who she is. She tells me that its my ex’s girlfriend (the girl he rebounded with). She tells me that they have been together again for 3 weeks and to stop talking to him and stop going to his house. I am absolutely shocked and was not expecting this. I am completely heartbroken again and confused as to how this happened after everything that he told me. That explains why he started blocking me again. She also asked me why I seemed so shocked and she thought that I knew this and didnt my ex tell me? I tell her that I did not know and that he did not tell me. She tells me again to stop talking to him and that she doesnt want any drama and I think she somewhat threatened me. I tell her that I dont want any trouble and that ill stay away. June 24, I get a call from my ex. I answer it but he hangs up as soon as I answer. I call him back but it rings once and goes to voicemail. He hasnt tried contacting me again. I am so upset and confused that he cut me out again for her when I know that he doesn’t want her and really wants me (his words) and is rebounding with her yet again. I cant believe he would do this to me. I know i said that i would stay away but im not sure if i should. Should i wait to see if my ex tries to contact me again or should I confront him first and demand for answers. Im not sure which one of them is lying to me. I dont want to lose my best friend. Weve known each other for 12 years. Please help Amor. Im so confused and heartbroken.
Liz
June 30, 2017 at 1:50 pm
Thank you Amor. I know I should and need to let go of him but it’s incredibly difficult. He’s the love of my life and my best friend of 12 years but I keep waiting for the impossible to happen. I can’t believe he did this. I don’t think it’s a gigs thing as he told me before that he was never really happy with her and that she gave him many difficulties. He admitted to me that she was just a rebound and I never did anything wrong to him and that he only really loved me. I don’t understand how he gave up on me so easily after about a month when he supposedly loves me. Maybe there’s something he’s not telling me. I’m so confused.
I’m still also deciding whether I should confront my ex since in a way this will be my closure as I will be severing all ties with him after I confront him and I also want to give him back an important gift that he had given me a few years ago. This object really belongs to his dad and is his favorite. I feel like I cant keep it anymore and need to give it back. Maybe that will show my ex that I’m serious about this.
I also have another problem that ties into this and makes this situation more difficult. My ex and i have a mutual friend who has been friends with us for 11 years. Our friend and his wife absolutely do not want me to get back with my ex as they say that he doesn’t deserve me and that I deserve someone better especially with the way my ex has been acting recently. Due to rent issues with his apartment, he and his pregnant wife will be moving into my ex’s house as soon as his wife gives birth which is in about 3-4 weeks. My ex’s parents are excited about this as they love him and consider him family and he lived with them once about 5 years ago. He will only be living there until October since he will be moving far away out of town soon and my ex’s house is the only place he can find to live and is his last resort. The thing is he wants me to visit his child while he’s living at my ex’s house as I will be his godmother. I really do want to visit my friend and my godson before they move away and I don’t see them again for a good long while but this will be very difficult for me even though my ex is hardly home now due to his work schedule and stays over at his rebound’s house before work (she told me this. Not sure if this is true). It will also be difficult seeing my ex’s parents and house over and over again when I have many memories there. But our friend is adamant that i put away those feelings and visit my godson. In a way, our friend and my ex have been drifting apart since he’s disappointed with how my ex has been acting these past few months also. He’s also trying to put away those feelings since he will be living at his house for a while. If he can do it then so can I. (I hope). Im hoping that his parents don’t try to convince us to get back together as i really don’t think I can give my ex another chance with how he just so easily gave up on me and went back to his rebound.
Should I confront my ex and give his dad back his gift even though this situation with our mutual friend is coming up and making things more difficult or should I not and just wait to see what happens?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 30, 2017 at 3:52 pm
If that’s what helps you have closure..so be it
Liz
June 29, 2017 at 3:50 pm
Thank you Amor. I know I should and need to let go of him but it’s incredibly difficult. He’s the love of my life and my best friend of 12 years but I keep waiting for the impossible to happen. I just can’t believe he did this. I don’t think it’s a gigs thing as he told me before that he was never really happy with her and that she gave him many difficulties. He admitted to me that she was just a rebound and I never did anything wrong to him and that he only really loved me. I don’t understand how he gave up on me so easily after about a month and a half when he supposedly loves me. Maybe there’s something he’s not telling me. I’m so confused.
I’m still also deciding whether I should confront my ex since in a way this will be my closure as I will be severing all ties with him after I confront him and I also want to give him back an important gift that he had given me a few years ago. This object really belongs to his dad and is his favorite. I feel like I cant keep it anymore and need to give it back. Maybe that will show my ex that I’m serious about this.
I also have another problem that ties into this and makes this situation more difficult. My ex and i have a mutual friend who has been friends with us for 11 years. Our friend and his wife absolutely do not want me to get back with my ex as they say that he doesn’t deserve me and that I deserve someone better especially with the way my ex has been acting recently. Due to rent issues with his apartment, he and his pregnant wife will be moving into my ex’s house as soon as his wife gives birth which is in about 3-4 weeks. My ex’s parents are excited about this as they love him and consider him family and he lived with them once about 5 years ago. He will only be living there until October since he will be moving far away out of town soon and my ex’s house is the only place he can find to live and is his last resort. The thing is he wants me to visit his child while he’s living at my ex’s house as I will be his godmother. I really do want to visit my friend and my godson before they move away and I don’t see them again for a good long while but this will be very difficult for me even though my ex is hardly home now due to his work schedule and stays over at his rebound’s house before work (she told me this. Not sure if this is true). It will also be difficult seeing my ex’s parents and house over and over again when I have many memories there. But our friend is adamant that i put away those feelings and visit my godson. In a way, our friend and my ex have been drifting apart since he’s disappointed with how my ex has been acting these past few months also. He’s also trying to put away those feelings since he will be living at his house for a while. If he can do it then so can I. (I hope). Im hoping that his parents don’t try to convince us to get back together as i really don’t think I can give my ex another chance with how he just so easily gave up on me and went back to his rebound.
Should I confront my ex and give his dad back his gift even though this situation with our mutual friend is coming up and making things more difficult or should I not and just wait to see what happens?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 29, 2017 at 12:56 pm
If you really are serious about your standards, you have to stick with it and act by it.. That means if he’s still with the other girl you dont give him the time of day
Jamie
June 22, 2017 at 9:02 am
My ex and I were together 6 years off and on and have a 5 year old child together. He broke up with me almost a year ago but we still always talked about things that he wanted me to do in order for us to be together again, up until about a month ago when he got a new girlfriend. He will not refer to her as his girlfriend but just someone who he is seeing and he spends a lot of time with her and she allows him around her children, he has not brought ours around her yet. He still talks to me everyday and although he says he’s over me and our relationship he still can’t say that he won’t ever be with me again. It confuses me, I don’t understand how he can be in a relationship with someone who he supposedly likes a lot but he talking to me almost everyday about how he doesn’t know if we could possibly be together again. Do you think he’s just in a rebound relationship and really isn’t over everything with him and I or do you think he really is over everything and isn’t in a rebound relationship? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 23, 2017 at 7:58 pm
Hi Jamie,
it can be a rebound but it looks like he’s just stringing you along too
Cathy
June 1, 2017 at 7:43 pm
But in the article is says he could’ve been lining up another girl as a rebound during the relationship because he knew things were going to end? And I read up on grass is greener, there isn’t a lot of information in terms of getting my ex back?? it seems like if he has gigs than it’s hopeless and all I can do is wait around in NC until he decides (if he decides) he wants me back
Cathy
June 2, 2017 at 9:10 pm
Will someone with gigs cheat on the girl they left me for? This morning my ex and I were chatting, for the first time since our relationship he told me that I looked really good in a pic on Facebook. All I said was thanks and went on with my day. Tonight I was out with my friends drinking and he and I started texting again. I made the mistake of sending a But Immediately apologised, saying “if I make you uncomfortable just let me know, I know you have a gf so I don’t want to cross any lines” he replied and said “don’t worry it’s fine! .” When I drink im very flirty so I think he took advantage of that!! He was telling me how he was having a bath and that it would be better if I was in there with him, he was reminding me of the past when certain things would happen with him after I had been out drinking with my friends (very inappropriate stuff!!) considering he’s done this to his new gf within 2 months since he broke up with me, idk if I want him back! But now due to this I can’t tell if he has gigs or she is a rebound and whether he just wants me back in his life?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 3, 2017 at 3:29 pm
dont jump.. if he really is attracted to you again, that’s very good but take it slow.. because it can also mean he’s leading you on, trying to see whomever he’s going to be happier with..
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 2, 2017 at 7:07 pm
if it’s a rebound, it would just be easier to make him regret.. If its gigs, that means you have to look like your change is genuine and not just because you’re trying to get him.. If he found the other person better then you have to improve yourself from the person he knew.. not totally change to a different person that you think he would like but a better version of you.. just be you.. that if you dont get him back, even if it hurts, you would get past and keep moving on to improving..
Cathy
June 1, 2017 at 6:55 am
Hi, my ex and I broke up in April after 2 years. We were long distance so i didn’t see him much and it was easy for me to become jealous and controlling after he cheated on me. A few days after the break up I saw him post on social media about a girl he had been friends with for 6 months. He was flaunting his happiness with her and writing loved up stuff that you’d usually see in the honey moon period. I began 30 days nc to either get over him, or get him back. I went for 40 days nc and then sent him a message via Facebook that he replied to. We’ve been talking for a week now, I’ve stopped contact with him for days at a time so that he knew I wasn’t sitting around at home waiting for his messages and pining over him. But I’m not sure if he is still with this new girl, and if he is, whether it is a rebound relationship or not. I just don’t know what’s going through his head! He doesn’t message first, one day he’ll reply with upbeat messages but the next they’re neutral as if he isn’t interested in talking to me, but his replies are always so quick, within minutes or even seconds which was hard enough to get him to do that quickly during our relationship. What I find curious is that he never uses FB, in our relationship he always said he couldn’t understand why people use it. He could go weeks at a time without logging on, even when I messaged him for the first time after nc he hadn’t been on for a week, but now he’s not just on every single day, but he’s active all the time. I don’t know whether I’m wasting my time or not, should I ask him if he’s still seeing this girl? And if so how would I approach that? I want him back but considering he lives in another country it’s very difficult!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2017 at 6:23 pm
dont ask him.. its a grass is greener case…check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends