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1,011 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    loew

    September 29, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    Hi there,

    I am a visitor from Germany and first of all, I have to say, that I love your site.
    I am very thankful for your advices, because it is written from a man’s point of view.
    I need a personal advice from you now in my case.

    I have known my boyfriend for about 5 years now but in the last two years we were a couple.

    It all started pretty nice….we dated and I really thought that he is the one for me. But after a half year, he broke up with me because of his finals at college and the pressure he had with this whole situation. After two months he came back and begged me for a second chance…I believed in us , so I gave us that chance. after another 2 months he broke up again, claiming that he was not sure if it is love for him……
    Of course I was pretty sad and angry, and I decided to forget him. I had a lot of stress in that time, because of my finals and phd. So I just focused on myself. After another 4 months he came back again and wanted me back in his life.”You are my soulmate blabla” He fought about 2 months until I gave in again….
    Our relationship was better than ever and we were happy for another whole year without brake ups or confusing each other.

    But guess what….almost 5 weeks ago he broke up again…claimimg that I have changed personally and that I really don’t treat him the way before…he called me egoist and just left.
    I began with the no contact period….just to calm down and get over all that mess he left behind. I was shocked …I could not imagine why he did that again….I thought we were happy in the end.
    In the middle of the no contact period he contacted me. He wanted to know, if my studies are ok or something like that. nothing personal or “deep”. I did not reply. Since then, I didn’t contact him, nor did he text again.
    After all this time of no contact , I am still confused. Did he play with me?
    Will he ever regret? Why did he text ? Should I really text now, because the no contact time is over? I am kind of too proud….and I am not sure if I should want him back….it is heart versus mind….
    could you give me a advice? Thanks a lot !!
    Lore

    1. admin

      admin

      September 30, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      How long have you been in NC?

    2. Avatar

      loew

      October 6, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      6 weeks now…

  2. Avatar

    Katie

    September 29, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Dear Chris

    If a man breaks up with you because he feels ‘the relationship has run its course’ even though actually it never realised its potential (for reasons he can’t explain), what does that mean in real terms? Is that just the time factor, or is it GIGS? Can anything be done or is this guy speak for something permanent?

    In brief he’s 43, I’m 29. 3 years together on and off. We’ve had probs for half that time (starting minor and building), but he used to be very amenable to sorting stuff and beg me not to give up on him. We never argued, just discussed and in a really healthy, open way too. We split a couple of times, but always remained in contact and got back together – I helped him through some big stuff and we are genuinely fond of each other. He had numerous opportunities to leave me – a biggie in Feb this year – but didn’t take them. Instead he really improved things in March and April, behaved great (so great my family commented!) and then chucked me without warning and without explanation.

    I mean WITHOUT explanation. He avoided discussing it and couldn’t tell me a single thing I had done to contribute to it. Said I was like a best friend who he had sex with, said I ticked all the big boxes, said he might live to regret it, said we had a good thing going on, said he didn’t know what he was trying to achieve. After weeks of trying to get to bottom of it, I finally went round for my stuff, let fly with my pent up emotions giving him a real piece of my mind and he melted visibly and wanted to get back together.

    Three months later and he breaks it off again. Says he took me back out of cowardice. Says he doesn’t know what he’s doing. That I’m really good for him. That he cares about me. Blatantly still fancies me because he gets turned on at everything I do when we’re in same room! But says his mind is made up. Clearly I’m not gonna negotiate again or put up with anymore rinky-dink. It’s no contact from me now.

    But I just don’t understand the whole ‘it’s run its course’ thing. Especially when actually it was stunted by apathy. He would be so resistant to doing nice stuff or putting effort in, yet when he did he would find it rewarding and satisfying and we’d have loads of fun.

    I’m confused! And very sad! I think I may have been clingy in the end, but only in an asking for reassurance/clarification of his feelings kind of way. I never did the whole ‘where are you?’ thing or gave him hell for his hobbies. In fact I encouraged him to get back into his favourite hobby and didn’t mind if he didn’t call me every day, didn’t see me on a weekend night, etc. Aside from maybe a couple of health problems and not being massively social (by choice, but I have looooads of interests of my own that I pursue!) I honestly don’t know what I might have done wrong with this guy.

    Please help clarify this whole no reason breakup, ‘run its course’ thing!

    And mega mega thanks for this wonderful site. It is helping so much right now.

  3. Avatar

    jess

    September 29, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Its been 10 days since LDR break up mutual but more on his side and ended on very good terms. Also the problems I am now aware of with how I was and he changed as a result of. We broke up 10 days ago and he contacted me 3 days ago. Would it be soon to write back a week after? Thank you!

  4. Avatar

    Ria

    September 26, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Hi Chris, I’dso much appreciate some advise right now cause I’m really living in such a hell, I can’t think clearly..
    last year I met my ex through fb,even though we went in the same school and he lived in my area,he then worked in another city so at First for 3 months our relantionship was through phone and Internet.He seemed so determined about us,we even planeed a trip abroad together.He finally came back for his sister’s wedding,we met some times,he was through I difficult phase back then,after a while we started argue,I became clingy..he left again but after a while we started talking again.he returned to my city,yet he didn’t seem to want us together.I had lost hope,then I found your site, I did NC.I worked,he actually texted me, then after NC he seemed so eager,he replied, he said he had missed me and after some texts he said he wanted to meet me and he was looking forward to our trip.We met once in his House,he introduced me to everyone as his ‘gf’ and then he kind became indifferent again and when the trip came he said he couldn’t make it cause of his job and that we can’t be together and we wont be!I went back to NC,he closed his fb, then about a month later I texted him again.At fist he didn’t reply.I tried again he seemed possitive, we talked now and then, I even called him once!then at june, he started being distand again,then I decide to ask for my Money from the trip(that he owes me) and he says he will and that he has a gf now!I panicked,I lied that I also have a bf.Then a while later sth happened and I decide to send a text saying I’m really glad and thankful for his help and support and that I’m glad to know him.No sign for him ever since.So all the summer we didn’t talk but he uploaded some photos of him and I get he was somewher with his gf..And then he adds a girl on fb, and I see he likes her photos(only) and she likes his posts,so she’s definately his gf.Also he changes his profile pic to one that looks like mine!Then he’s posting romantic songs.I didn’t know what to do, so I thought maybe if I tried bring some memories back with my posts.So yesterday I post a song he had taught me and today I see he had post a song saying ‘That much I love you’and the gf comments <3 and he does too..I really can't stand this anymore, I make no sense and I'm thinking of deleting him. Please, if you can understand anything, what is his all about?Is there some things done on purpose or they're just coinsidence?

    1. Avatar

      Ria

      September 26, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      oh and meanwhile he still owes me the Money but I can’t ask them again, I feel so annoying.What can I possibly do? Is there any way I can use that to my advantage to bring him back??

    2. Avatar

      Ria

      September 30, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      ??

  5. Avatar

    Haley

    September 26, 2014 at 2:05 am

    Hi Chris! So my and my ex have been broken for about two months at this point. Right after we broke up I started no contact for one month, and then contacted him. We had been texting/snapchatting randomly for about 2 1/2 weeks id say at this point..He would start the texting mostly and yesterday we were having a conversation and I told him I still cared about him. (We are long distance, he graduates college in december and I just graduated in may, but we were long distance the whole 4 years we dated.) He told me he still cares about me too but that when he was in the relatoinship with me, he didn’t feel “himself” and he felt he could not always be himself around me. He didn’t go into more detail and I didnt ask more and I quickly changed the topic and we talked a bit more. It hurts so much to hear he couldnt be himself around me when I know I was. This is actually our third time breaking up in almost four years and I know we were both immature. I Was controlling regarding drinking and partying and I know that there were times he didnt go out with his friends just to avoid a fight with me. I am not sure what to do. He is looking for jobs all over the country and that means he could move anywhere after january..I am so in love with him and I really don’t want to stop fighting for him. What can I do Chris? Should I Start no conatct again? Should I attempt to make him jealous at this point? Whenever he sees pictures with me and my girlfriends out at the club he texts me because I think he wants me to know that he is there still. What should I do chris 🙁

    1. Avatar

      Haley

      September 30, 2014 at 11:42 pm

      Hi Chris!
      Update–we talked all weekend and we talked about our relationship..i know not exactly something in your rules. But he ended up telling me he didn’t feel like himself because he felt i had put in him a “box” and was too over bearing and controlling..which to an extent I was..i had trust issues from a previous breakup and also he was in his major frat party phase and that is hard to deal with over distance. Either way, I do still love him. Everything else remains the same, he told me he still cares about me but he doesn’t know that things would change if we got back together again and he doesn’t want to ride the roller coaster again. What can I do, Chris? I do want to marry him..but he also would have to commit to me as much as him, even in distance. For now, what do I do?

    2. admin

      admin

      October 1, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Take it slow. Just one step at a time. Are you two still long distance?

    3. Avatar

      Haley

      October 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm

      Yes, we still are long distance unfortunately. For the past two weeks he has been angry at me and we have been arguing..he says I was not nice and he felt confined because I was too controlling. He has a lot of bitterness and resentment build up towards me, and a lot of what hes saying did occur, but it occured years ago when we had first started dating, but obviously it still bothers him. What do I do? Is there anything I can do at this point?

  6. Avatar

    angelique

    September 23, 2014 at 3:43 am

    Chris, can you PLEASE give me some advice. I have followed all your guides but i am feeling really discouraged now. I have seen my ex twice, he was all over me the last time he saw me but I refused to have sex with him but we did mess around, since then he has not tried to make plans with me & its been 3 weeks. He doesn’t flirt with me anymore and has started not calling as much and when I call he doesn’t answer & doesn’t call me back until hours later & he used to answer my calls & call back immediately. I am not being a text gnat & i honestly don’t call too much either, but things just seem different. I feel like I am losing him all over again and I don’t know what to do. And what hurts is I know he sees that I called because he is always online on whatsapp so obviously he would rather talk to whoever he is chatting with on whatsapp. I think he is seeing someone else but when I asked he denied it but I don’t really believe that judging by his behavior. What should I do? Should I just stop contacting him and do NC and if so, for how long? PLEASE give me advice, I have tried to get your advice another time & u just ignored me, but I am so heartbroken right now and literally crying, I don’t know how to handle this : (

  7. Avatar

    jolie

    September 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Hi, my fiancé ignores me a lot and keeps telling me in anger I don’t care for this relationship and engagement whenever I ask him to give me attention. I went against my family and still he nvr respect me and my feelings. And when i do NC he contacts me on the 3 rd day and say sorry. My question is in 10 days my marriage date is going to be fixed. I want to do NC but don’t knw how?? plz advice

    1. admin

      admin

      September 29, 2014 at 4:26 pm

      Has he broken up with you? or are you still engaged??

    2. Avatar

      jolie

      October 5, 2014 at 3:48 am

      We r still engaged but he does not value me and my feelings. Also he takes me for granted.

    3. admin

      admin

      October 6, 2014 at 11:58 am

      You need to sit down and communicate what you are feeling to him. Let him know if this continues he is going to push you away.

  8. Avatar

    Artemis

    September 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Its been 6 months and its me again! I had a wonderful relationship traveling the world for a year with my now ex, aged 25, (I’m 26). I now am settled in a town near him because of work. I made the mistake of text messaging him a month ago saying I still loved him and missed him. He replied that it had been 6 months and that he couldn’t “be a part of my life” until I was completely over him. Our breakup 6 months ago was sudden, unexpected and we still loved each other. But he absolutely wants nothing to do with me now. I don’t understand his complete 180 of being “in love” with me, to not wanting any form of communication. I tried to do NC for 30 days but at the end of it I may have texted him that I missed him… Obviously I got no reply as that was a bit too strong. I’ve become the ungettable girl, I have plenty of guys who want to date me but I’m still stuck on my ex. Give up or give NC another go?

    1. admin

      admin

      September 29, 2014 at 1:26 pm

      Well, whether to give up or not is your choice entirely. The question is, is he worth it?

  9. Avatar

    bea

    September 19, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Hi,
    I just went through the “Get Things Back” situation. I hope I did the right thing. I’m on 15 days NC. He finally contacted me to return some of my stuff. I took some time to answer (it’s messenger so it’s hard to pretend you’re not reading if you’re online), and in a nice-busy way I said the time wasn’t the best, because I’m busy. He said ok, no problem. Ready when you are. So now I’m the one who has to contact him to get my things when I have time…He asked how I was doing (twice) and my family, I said all good. kisses, bye.

    Questions (always):
    – Is or can this be an excuse to contact me because he’s wondering how I’m doing (it happened right after I posted a pic of me working on a project I was working on to get an important job (a major issue in our RS: being jobless and pursuing a specific career)?
    – Or is it a way of saying: I want to cut all ties with you?
    – Shall I use the “return things” as an excuse to contact him after NC? Or should I only use “hey, I’ve just watched this movie and remembered that day…” kind of text?
    (I really want a second chance with him. I am committed)
    Thanks 🙂

  10. Avatar

    J

    September 18, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    Dear Chris,

    On August 8, my boyfriend and I broke up because of my stupid and unforgivable mistakes. I really do want him back, but today I don’t know what I should do anymore. I’m in so much pain. Today, I just broke my no contact rule because he bought these concert tickets for my birthday and the concert was today. However, I found out he was going to go with one of his female friends.

    Before, I implemented the no contact rule, I asked him if there was a hope for us. He said yes, but I asked him again today the same question and he said I don’t know. I felt like I f**ked up my chances in getting him back. I told him I was going to give him space b/c he wanted it. So, I don’t think he will wonder what I’m doing, missing me, or even think I gave up. I’m going to give him space, but I think I can’t contact him until he contacts me.

    I want him back so bad. I want to prove to him that I’m not the same person. I feel as though he is “the one” for me, and we did wanted the same future. However, the pain is always suffocating me. I really need some help. I want to stay strong, but sometimes it really just hurts too much. Do you think there is hope we will get back together? What do I do when the heartache is too much?

    I want to believe there is hope and this will be all worth it, but may I have your support as a friend?

    J

  11. Avatar

    J

    September 18, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Dear Chris,

    Please help me. I am debating whether I should get back my ex-boyfriend. We broke up on August 8th. I implemented the 30 day no contact rule, however I broke it today. I’m going to do it again, but I’m in so much pain. I don’t know if I should embark on this journey in getting him back. Before I implemented the 1st no contact period, I asked him if there was hope, he said yes if I was more independent and confident. But, I asked him again today if there is hope again and he said he does not know. I don’t know whether I should go on and hope we will have a chance or not.

    The reason we broke up was b/c of my stupid mistakes.

    Please help me…

    J

    1. admin

      admin

      September 29, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Well, the only thing I would say to you is that if you can’t see yourself with him long term and he won’t treat you well long term then it probbly isn’t worth it.

  12. Avatar

    N.

    September 18, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    So what if I am on NC and he calls, I ignore his call and so he texts something like “where r u” or something like that? Am I to ignore that too without being such a bitch?
    P.S. We study together (luckily not the same course, but the same uni) and I do see him everyday, but actively ignoring each other.
    Me and this guy didn’t really date but we were hanging out everyday and everything was really good then he suddenly decided he doesn’t wanna talk to me again because i acted up while he was walking me home from a party and so he texted me that I’m a Drama queen and he doesn’t need that in his life (Seriously that night I walked three hours in the freezing cold in a really short dress and was freezing my ass to death and I was drunk and got irritated because we met a bunch of his friends and he spent like an hour talking to them in a language I didn’t understand so I told him he was being an asshole and I got really angry).

    1. admin

      admin

      September 29, 2014 at 12:39 pm

      Yes unfortunately you do have to ignore it…

  13. Avatar

    Kat

    September 18, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    What about shared friends? the ex is friends with my best friends boyfriend, they introduced us, we sometimes end up in the same bar, how do I continue no contact without appearing rude in front of everyone or not being able to go out with my friends for 30 days?

    1. admin

      admin

      September 29, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      Hi Kat,

      Its ok to be friends with shared friends just no direct contact with the ex.

  14. Avatar

    Mimi

    April 2, 2018 at 4:24 am

    Hello its breen 11days ive been NC i was just feeling him wanting to contact me and my phone went off twice with the same text and its coming from his friend phone i was just crying and thinking he wants to talk so bad im going to stick to my NC he broke my heart left me for no reason then blamed me and left me so cold hearted like i was nothing wen i gave him the world i bet hes realizing it now how much he hve lost i even feels wen hes crying sad but true oh well i was crying wen he hurt me and he didnt care at all so neither do i i like being cold i follow things like this very well infact mabe to well..

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