Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Post categories
Sarah
February 2, 2015 at 4:43 am
It is possible to get an ex back if u start the no contact 2 months post your break up and by the time u finish the no contact of 30-90 days itll be 3-5 months post? I stuffed mine up at day 21 and asked him back and he said he was happy with his decision to not get back together. . I actually think he means it right now and needs a couple of months apart to work out his trust and commitment issues.. And maybe I could use your methods, what do you think?
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:42 pm
Sure it is possible…
Karyn
February 1, 2015 at 7:54 am
Hello, I know you get tons of repetitive messages so I’ll try to make this short. I’ve been on and off with my ex for about 4 years. When he broke up with me one time I did the no contact rule which lasted for 8 months! But he came back and realized what he lost . Later on he broke up with me again because his feelings has change (again) back in September. December he emailed me wanting me to delete all photos because he doesn’t want his family to question about us and even blocked me on Facebook , today he called 4 times and left random voicemail. I text him saying I don’t know what games he’s playing but he needs to lose my number since he keeps doing this on accident (this isn’t the first time). His response is that I shouldn’t be flatter and insisted it was an accident and he will delete my number. I sent a text back but it seems that he blocked me from his phone as well… From a male’s perspective , what is going on? Does any of this makes sense? I don’t know why he’s blocking when I don’t even harass him or reach out. For some crazy reason I do have feelings for him. Sorry for making this long 🙁
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:03 pm
Repetitive messages!
I specialize in repetitive messages!
In my opinion he was feeling you out to see where you were at emotionally. You snapped at him… he got angry and that is where the block came from.
Karyn
February 25, 2015 at 4:15 am
Okay. Thank you for responding! I just don’t see in his character to play games like that and calling on “accident” . Now I hear that he will be attending at our mutual friends party.. How do I handle that situation ? 🙁 (ps I think this would be a good topic on your next blog) thank you!
admin
February 25, 2015 at 9:36 pm
What situation exactly?
I am always on the loookout for blog posts.
Karyn
February 27, 2015 at 7:03 am
The situation where I’m going to be at a friend’s party where my ex is going to attend as well. Haven’t spoke nor seen him since we broke up back in September .
Miz
February 1, 2015 at 12:06 am
Im currently on NC with my ex and it has been 7 days now. But just now he texted me askin me out on valentines day. He claimed its just a casual meet up. I dont wana put much hope in it. Should i reply or ignore him? If i do have to reply him should i say yes or no? Im confused..
admin
February 2, 2015 at 1:50 pm
Hmm… up to you.
I am inclined to believe that it might be worth going though.. See what happens and then readjust your strategy from there.
Millie
January 31, 2015 at 12:04 am
My situation is that we still live together, we broke up 2 months ago but never stopped the cuddling on the couch or the sleeping in the same bed or kissing or sex ect. Now I realise he wont get back with me while I am continuously his, he was getting his cake and eating it too. So I have turned to this site to see where to go from here, everything you’ve said I know is going to work on him, I just need to become the ungettable girl, he is moving when the lease ends in April so I have 2 months to try these tactics on him, How will I use the no contact rule if we are living together?? Mind you I do call him most nights and message him, so that I am going to stop! But wont it be weird if im not messaging him back and then he gets home and sees me? I think I may have an advantage in this situation though also, because I guess I can look really hot and go out and he has to see me getting ready ect.. just not sure what to do with this topic.. HELP PLEASE??
admin
January 31, 2015 at 4:01 pm
Sounds to me like you were FWB after you broke up…
Ashley
January 30, 2015 at 3:00 am
First of all, your website is exceptionally insightful and so helpful. Thank you for being an incredible resource to so many- you are a godsend. As you had stated in a previous article, no two situations are the same. That being said, here’s the back story: my ex, Brian, and I met through work. When he transferred to my office, I was dating someone. (Another co-worker.) The more I got to know Brian, the more I wanted to be with him instead of the guy I was with. So, I was honest with the current beau and told him I was starting to become fond of someone else; and I broke up with him. A week later, Brian and I hook up for the first time. I had never told Brian that I was dating the former guy, but I felt it was something he should be aware of. And I didn’t want to feel like I had anything to hide. I told him, but didn’t specify how recently I had broken up with the guy. He told me he appreciated me telling him, and that was that. Brian and I continued to grow more and more fond of each other. We have a lot of common interests, we worked together and hung out together a lot. We introduced each other to our friends, and I met his family. After a month of dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend and it was official.
Fast forward– long story short, I had suspicions that Brian was attracted to another girl. I had gone through his text messages with her [shame on me, I know 🙁 ] and found they had expressed a mutual physical attraction to each other. I went out of town for a business seminar for a week; when I came back I confronted him about the message. He was disappointed in my lack of trust, but came out and told me he had kissed the girl while I was gone. He also told me my ex had asked him to go out for drinks and told Brian about the breakup and how difficult it was for him to come and work with us every day. So, Brian broke up with me.
I was devastated. I asked him to try to work this out together, but he said that I (me, not him) should probably not date anyone for a while. I had texted him the next day, asking some clarifying questions but then left it as it was. We ignored each other at work and I made no attempts to reach out to him after that. About two weeks post-breakup, he texted me and asked if I wanted to get drinks and catch up. I did, and we end up hooking up. We then started spending a lot of time together, and after a week he would tell me “We can’t do this to ourselves. I don’t want to be in a relationship.” Yet, two weeks later, we would be hooking up again.
Back in October we tried getting back together again as an “official” couple, but 5 days later he broke up with me. Of course, after the second breakup we started sleeping together a week or two later. This pattern has been going on for 4 months now. I (unknowingly) was putting him through NC a few weeks ago. Didn’t talk to him, text him or even acknowledge him at work for 2 weeks. I started dressing really nice at work, I got a drastic haircut..and I guess it drove him crazy. He texted me asking if we could talk about “us”, and he told me that he was confused, and still felt resentment towards me and the whole situation where no time lapsed between him and my previous relationship. It sounded like he was victimizing himself.
Our current status? “Friends With Benefits”, if you will. He said he’d like to hang out and hook up. ::shrug:: I was okay with it, I figured at least I’m getting something from him, as opposed to nothing. And maybe by doing so, he’ll realize how much he misses me and wants to be with me. Well, now– we’re only hanging out on his terms. Whenever it’s convenient for him. I’ve extended invitations his way to come to shows or get drinks with mutual friends, and he’s always declined.
I had done a logo commission for him (for our job) about 3 months ago. He texted me a few days ago asking how much I would charge him to design another logo for a side project he’s doing. Well, since we’re not together I’m not going to do it for free, so I quoted him my usual price but offered to discount it. Last night, he asked me (via text) if he could just use the logo I had created for him before, but alter it. I didn’t respond until this morning, telling him I wouldn’t mind creating a new one but said I wanted to discuss some specifics regarding how he will be using the logo. He asked what details I needed, and I asked if we could meet for coffee to talk about it. He didn’t respond to the text, so I called and left him a voicemail. I haven’t heard from him since 10 this morning.
Whew…after that novel of a backstory, my inquiry is this: I’m beyond fed up with being taken advantage of, and I have no qualms with implementing NC on him full speed ahead. Initially, I was thinking of texting him to tell him I am not comfortable with him using my logo but decided against it. I’ll wait to see what happens. However- what happens if I discover that he is using the original logo I created without my consent? I would want to confront him about that, but (all positive intent out the window) I could see him using my logo as an instigation tactic. I’m also concerned that because I texted him, offered to create a WHOLE NEW logo for him, AND left him a voicemail- that he now has the upper hand. Thoughts?
admin
January 30, 2015 at 4:43 pm
Well, you are going to have to get out of friends with benefits…
Thats my first piece of advice.
Stacey
January 29, 2015 at 3:44 pm
what if my ex uses the kids as an excuse to break no contact? to him, could “our children” be the magic words that mean that i have to talk to him whenever he wants? my ex has been calling/emailing for days (we had a huge setback and i am NC) saysing “we need to talk, especially about the kids” but he never references anything specific about the kids, scheduling, school, etc that we need to discuss. i have been ignoring him to stay NC but i am afraid i am doing the wrong thing.
admin
January 30, 2015 at 3:46 pm
You can talk to him about the kids but thats it.
Stacey
January 30, 2015 at 5:42 pm
thanks, but that’s not my question. i know if there is something legitimate about the kids i should contact him. but what if he is using that as an excuse? there is currently nothing about the kids, schedules, parenting time, anything that needs to be discussed. so if he say “we need to talk, especially about the kids” isn’t that him just trying to control me by mentioning our children? if i respond with “what do you want to talk about” every time he brings up the kids, won’t i fail at NC?
RB
January 28, 2015 at 8:44 pm
So what DO you do if he never contacts you during the NC? wait for him to reach out or reach out yourself after 30 days?
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:38 pm
Reach out yourself.
Don’t let pride get in the way.
Johanne
January 26, 2015 at 11:41 pm
Hello Chris! I have a complicated question.
So I started NC with my ex (LDR) 17 days ago, he lives in another city which had made it easier. I haven’t contacted him at all, in fact, I haven’t posted anything on social media during this period so he has no clue about what’s going on in my life. Anyway, he texted me 2 days ago for the first time just asking “How are you?” and as I’ve been reading in your website, I know that I just needed to ignore it and don’t reply…
But my situation is a little bit different: We’ve known each other for 5 years, during those years we’ve been together 4 times (for a period of 3-4 months each time) and been breaking up because of the distance, as the main reason…
However, 3 years ago when were (barely) dating again, I met someone else (which whom i had a relationship lateer on), so I just completely stopped talking to him without any explanations, I chickened out and didn’t tell him the truth, he kinda deserved it because he had been kind of an a-hole on previous occasions. So, this time when we got back together (again), he always resented me for doing that to him (because later he found out what was the reason behind it). Anyway, this time when I started NC, I actually told him that I needed to move on and that I didn’t want to stay friends with him like we always did, and to stop texting me (I basically let him know that I was going to start NC, but I needed to do it so that he didn’t think that I was doing the same thing as before) and I thought that it wouldn’t work… But, as I said in the beginning, he texted me 2 days ago asking how am I, and I replied to him because I don’t want him to think that I’m behaving the same way as 3 years ago which was for a completely different reason! So I just answered (4 hours later) “I’m fine thanks for asking”, then he immediately texted “are you busy?”, and I replied “Yes kind of, I’m about to go out. Why?” (it was saturday night) and he said “Nothing serious, we can talk tomorrow if you want to. XOXO!” and I replied “Yeah, take care!” and that was it. Of course, he didn’t text me the next day… So my question is, knowing that i responded to his text because of what I explained before, did I really break the NC? and if so, how bad did I break it? What should I do now? Thank you for your time, Chris.
admin
January 27, 2015 at 2:53 pm
He may have been expecting you to reach out that next day.
How far along NC were you before you talked to him?
Johanne
February 3, 2015 at 6:37 am
Sorry Chris, I didn’t see your response until today… It was the 15th day, and since that day we haven’t talked. Today is the 26th day in NC (except for that day when he texted). What should I do? Start no contact all over again since that day? Thank you so much!
Johanne
February 5, 2015 at 7:34 pm
??
Johanne
January 26, 2015 at 11:44 pm
Also, he was the one who broke up with me.
Carol
January 23, 2015 at 7:26 pm
If I asked for Christmas presents back that I gave him, just to hurt him during the break up, but I really have no need for them and feeling extremely bad ab my impulsive reaction, can I ship them back, but a note in it saying I regret taking this back on an impulse. I still want you to have them. And leave it at that. Or does that go against the NC? I don’t want him to think I’ve sold them off or returned them or anything. And I wouldn’t want to give them back after 30 days to bring back those bad memories.
Can you PLEASE follow respond and let me know what to do. I haven’t seen an answer to this anywhere on your site.
admin
January 26, 2015 at 2:22 pm
I wouldn’t ask for them back.
Ginger
January 12, 2015 at 8:41 pm
X broke up with me 2 days before Christmas. Doing NC… took the websites advice about posting on Facebook… I posted a few pictures me out with friends having fun, nothing inappropriate or crazy. Well my X unfriended me…
any ideas what this means? And now what?!
admin
January 19, 2015 at 3:34 pm
It means he is still thinking about you a lot and seeing you have fun made him upset because he wanted you to feel bad about the breakup and th efact thatyour not is annoying him.
Zhela
January 28, 2015 at 2:19 am
Hi Chris, this also happened to me, my ex unfriend me,so is this a good sign perhaps?
admin
January 28, 2015 at 4:47 pm
I wouldn’t go as far as saying that him unfriending you is a great thing BUT I will say that its not the end of the world that everyone thinks it is.
Heather
January 7, 2015 at 9:02 pm
Hi chris me and my boyfriend have been on and off for six years and we broke up a month ago we have a child together and he lives with my parents because he has no where else to go i want him back but im afraid of my mom getting in the way he is traning for the millitary and looks better than ever what do i do 🙁
admin
January 19, 2015 at 3:03 pm
He is living with your parents?
How would your mom get in the way?
layna
December 29, 2014 at 8:09 pm
I’m only on day 2.5 nc…I started after Christmas weekend with the kids. I have received 28 texts, 11 calls, 1 visit. I’m not sure what to do. I think this is only the beginning and Im calling my house to see if he’s there to dictate whether or not to come home. He has always been very insecure, jealous, and controlling. I think sticking to NC is the correct move considering I’m 50/50 on whether I would like to get back together. I can’t block his calls/texts because of the kids, I also can’t avoid my house because of him stopping by, but each time it’s the same conversation…I love you so much it’s just never going to work…blah blah blah. This is why I started no contact. He is a grass is always greener guy; since he turned 30 he does this about every 6 months then comes back in a few weeks. Basically, he is a manic depressive alcoholic with borderline personality disorder that will not take his medication. I’m a therapist and I realize I’ve been enabling his behavior for ten years trying to keep the peace but I’m ready for things to be different. I don’t want to get him back for things to be the same. I am hoping NC can help with that.
admin
January 5, 2015 at 2:30 pm
Holy crap!
He is texting you a lot.
I think everything you said is positive.
layna
January 5, 2015 at 3:50 pm
Yeah, I’m not so sure. Now that I haven’t responded the messages are crazy. He’s going as far as threatening me and then apologizes a few hours later. He’s now messaging on FB, playstation network, various games I play, google+, vm, home phone, email, and then saying he’s going to show up but he hasn’t since that first time.
admin
January 6, 2015 at 1:51 pm
Man… how is he threatening you?
No physical threats right? If he does threaten you physically you may want to cut ties with him all together or go to the authorities.
layna
January 6, 2015 at 3:41 pm
Yeah physical threats, but I think that’s done now. I can’t so much cut ties, we have kids and our families are seriously intertwined. I did break NC (through text) to ask him for some space and to back off on all the messages and calls. Since then I’ve only received 5 messages in about 24 hours.
admin
January 7, 2015 at 5:23 am
Haha gotta say if he does it again you have every right to consult the authorities.
layna
December 30, 2014 at 8:36 pm
Well it’s been only one more day and I have a phone full of texts and my vm is full. He’s now blocked me from fb and deleted all the pictures of us and our kids. NC seems to be sending him insane. I’m having a hard time functioning because the texts are coming at least once an hr with increasing animosity to my work phone he knows I can’t turn off.
A a
December 26, 2014 at 11:52 pm
Xx
Megan
December 15, 2014 at 3:09 pm
Hi Chris
I emailed you a while ago but never got a response. I know you get a ton of emails but I’m hoping that you might respond to this one. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago and it was out of nowhere. I am still in a bit of shock but have had a bit of time to begin to get my head around it. He just said that I deserve the best and that he is not “that guy” and that he doesn’t think we are meant to be together. I find it so strange because we had literally been talking about marriage, and had recently put and offer on an apartment the week before he did this! He truly seemed excited about our future together, as was I. I felt like I couldn’t have asked for a better man! Anyways, I decided to do NC for at least 30 days. I am currently on day 6 and yesterday he texted a long sad message saying how much he misses me, and that when we were together he truly loved me from the bottom of his heart. He said his heart has not changed right now (regarding his decision to break up), but if it does, he will “come crawling back.” I didn’t respond. I was going to buy your book, however I don’t know if it is worth it for me since he is saying that his heart has not changed. Your help with this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Megan
Emily
December 15, 2014 at 12:20 pm
I wish i had come acoross your site earlier..its gonna be a month since my boyfriend and i brokeup..we dated for roughly five months…post breakup i called up a couple of times and done my needy bit and regreted..he once did ask to meet but things didnt go really well thanks to my temper..the facebooking kinda works as well..so i get a weary call and a couple of texts asking if hes being missed and streaks of jealousy and blah blah to which i respond in a rather cold but yet kinda honest fashion…so i havnt really followed the NC rule…and it will be a month soon enough…should i start now? or should i shoot a text showing concern or just wait for him to take efforts for a change! do revert.
Emily
December 16, 2014 at 6:39 am
its been more than a day and i havent heard from him..what do i do? please reply
Leslie
December 12, 2014 at 10:47 pm
Hi Chris, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me out of the blue earlier this week, crying saying he had been really depressed and unsure about his future. He’s under a lot of pressure from his parents and he just truly doesn’t know where to go next (we’re 19). A few days later I asked if he would like to talk about it some more and he met up with me and explained more in depth what he was going through, I let him know that I understand and I agree we could both use some alone time to find ourselves. He made it clear that it wasn’t me or relationship that is upsetting him(we got along extremely well, never had a real fight) , he just needs to figure himself out and love himself before he can continue a serious relationship. We both agreed we that didn’t want this to make us feel about contacting each other and I let him know that if I could do anything to help him or if he needed someone to talk to to not be afraid to contact me, and we ended this conversation on really good terms of understanding. (Even as I said this I knew I was not going to contact him first since I want to give him the space and alone time he needs). I was planning on waiting 5 or 6 weeks to contact him first. My questions is, if he happens contacts me during NC is it okay to reply in this situation? I let him know he could contact me for support, as we are really close and I don’t want to ignore him during this hard time and make him think I don’t care/ can’t help him.
Thanks for this website it’s given me some sanity 🙂
Sara
December 12, 2014 at 8:47 pm
Chris – What if you and your ex have the same group of friends, you are successfully on no contact, and he shows up to a friends house to hang when everyone is over? This happened, and I didn’t show any signs of being upset – played it cool, but didn’t make eye contact with him. Did I do the right thing/what should I do if it happens again? I have the feeling he is The Clueless Guy.
Thanks,
Sara
admin
December 15, 2014 at 5:37 am
Well, I think you played it perfectly!!!!!
Morgan
December 12, 2014 at 3:53 pm
Hey Chris. I’ve tried to shoot you a message a couple of times. And recently posted on here, but it didn’t go through. I just purchased your ebook and am excited to read it. I did want to get some advice. I know you are busy, but if I shoot you an email will you respond?
admin
December 15, 2014 at 5:37 am
Sorry for my untimely response.
So busy with so much (christmas season for you.)
How can I help?
Morgan
December 17, 2014 at 4:41 am
Thanks for getting back. I’m sending an email. My situation is kinda weird.
Morgan
December 18, 2014 at 5:01 pm
Chris-Can you please read my email? Want to get your take on things. Let me know if I need to resend it.
Amanda
December 12, 2014 at 2:20 am
I really had to take a screenshot of “Can You Wish Your Ex A Happy Birthday/Happy Holiday During NC?”
I’m starting today! Wish me luck!
admin
December 12, 2014 at 3:10 pm
Sweet! Glad my sites worth screenshotting.
Rachel
December 11, 2014 at 10:30 pm
I can’t get anything to post here. Please reply to the email I sent you that said either “Please Reply” or “Confusing BU.”
admin
December 15, 2014 at 5:25 am
You got this to post here. I have to moderate all posts first because as you can imagine I get a lot of spam.