How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend V. 2.0

1,117 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has A Girlfriend -Version 2.0-”

Karine

December 17, 2013 at 2:38 pm

Hi Chris,

Thank you for this guide, I am saddened I had to read it but umfortuneately I found myself in this situation. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I did the NC rule, it worked we talked a month later went on several dates finally kissed after the third date and told each other we still loved one another. Something seemed off then this week he told me he was “kinda of” dating someone, his words exactly. He acknowledged his love for me but said he needed time to think about things, because be felt he owed the girl to at least “try” to give her a chance. This of course broke my heart, along with this stress I’m going through finals and I know that my emotions are trumping my logic at this point in time. I know him very well, better than anyone I think and I have a gut feeling he will gravitate back to me but all my close friends that I have explained the situation to say I need to give him a time frame for this decision. Should I give him a time frame? What should I do to encourage him to make a decision in a timely fashion? I’ve accepted both senarios and I am okay if we never talk again I just hate this in between time. Thanks for your help.

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Nothing can really make him make a decision except him.. Thats just the way this works. I wish there was a way to speed it up but there is not without risk of having everything fall through.

Steph

December 17, 2013 at 7:10 am

Hi Chris,

So far I’ve been doing the NC rule for 2 months as of yesterday.
I was with my ex for 2 years and I broke up with him in April (I was focused solely on my career & felt he stopped being affectionate…but hadn’t realized for a few months prior he was trying to get my attention & wanted to do things with me… I only saw work & being successful as the priority, and pushed him away unintentionally…he always supported me! Never complained or held any grudges ever! ). We also lived together and he moved out in June.

He’s had a new GF since August ( He admitted to me that she asked him out) and of course I didn’t take the news well at all. I confronted him about it which was a HUGE mistake and said some very stupid things. I came across your site after my blowout with him and found it very helpful.
I texted him today for the first time and said something along the lines of ‘remember when we got our first Christmas tree’…AND he said nothing! Hasn’t responded! Did I come off too needy or desperate!?! Ugh I’ve been so good with no contact, I’m just worried I just messed everything up with my text!

Thoughts?

Thanks so much!
Steph

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Hmm maybe that was a tad bit too emotional..
Steph

December 18, 2013 at 11:38 am

Your right…any advice on my next move? Go back to NC? Did I blow my chances? :/

Kimmy

December 15, 2013 at 3:40 pm

My ex says he doesn’t want me back but he still calls and text me like he always do. I don’t know what to do about that, i don’t wanna assume anything either.

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:49 pm

Well, do the NC on him.
Kimmy

December 15, 2013 at 3:41 pm

HELP!!!!!!!!!

Alexia

December 14, 2013 at 3:40 pm

This is very helpful. We broke up in oct and I have made see real mistakes. I called, text, went to talk to him, asked him constantly about the status of him and this girl, yelled at him and was very angry. I eventually stopped after a few weeks. I read your post and implemented the MC rule because we have a son. I never spoke with him everything was through text and it was simple like ” I’m outside” if I was getting my son. I did this for about 2 weeks when he called about something relating to our son. During this convo he was saying that I don’t call him or talk to him, that I treat him like a stranger. He said me doing that only helps him get closer to the girl he is talking to now, which is his 1st baby mama.
What should I do here? Should I start over the MC? Should I just be cool with him at a distance and not care about them but try to have positive encounters with him? Should I just let go of the past and be friends, we were best friends? I don’t know!
Kristine

December 14, 2013 at 1:56 pm

I posted this in a different area, but I think I should have put it here: My ex did the whole lining someone up before he left me deal. I am pretty sure the groundwork was being set for that about 6 weeks or so before he left me. And he jumped right in within a couple days. It was and still is extremely hurtful to me, and I am sure I have over analyzed the whole thing way more than I should have. He is one of those who is also loves to be the white knight coming in to save the day, so I am fairly certain there is some of that going on too. I did all the crazy long emails in the beginning, telling how I felt, what a mistake it all was, how he will never find one like me…blah blah so on and so on. We didn’t really communicate for a few weeks after I finally stepped back from the emails that went between angry and no one will love you like me topics. Then he texted me the day after Thanksgiving and we started this odd texting back and forth here and there. Not every day, but mostly. And it was frequently just like what would have been normal conversations for us. I enjoyed the communication but always felt sad afterwards, because it wasn’t as if we were reconciling. I know he is dating this other girl. He knows I have gone out with someone a few times. I believe he misses what we had and misses me, but because our relationship was long distance that was a large part of his motivation to leave. He has said several times he never fell out of love with me, but with the circumstances of distance. Which I find somewhat full of BS because we had actually planned on my moving closer. I think he wanted to check out other options closer and more convenient. I decided to go no contact a few days ago, unfortunately broke it after he sent me a confusing text message about how he would be “elsewhere” over the weekend, and just wanted me to know it wasn’t what I think it is. I know I have to go into full No Contact now. I believe he is even more confused about it all than I am, and I am really trying to stop allowing myself to be hurt. I don’t really know if the relationship he is in is truly a rebound, I guess looking at how it happened it could be. At the same time, I am here and she is within 20 minutes of him and not 4 hours. Hard to compete. The only thing I have going is we really had a great friendship and lots of chemistry and love for 2 1/2 years. Unfortunately, the grass is currently greener on the other side for him. So NC it is, because I really need to take the time to step away from him and how I currently feel.
Emma

December 14, 2013 at 1:23 pm

Hey Chris. I just read your article on the no break up rule.. I am starting it today.. I am scared to death! As I stated before coming out of a previous serious 3 year live in relationship with talks of marriage.. Now he is running all over town with his new Gf.. Makes my stomach turn! They are going on strong now for about 2 months as a couple.. But they’re communication had been going on months prior while we were in a relationship! 🙁 he said I did nothing wrong and he thank me for helping him being a better man ( yea for her??!!) so we have not stop communicating via text etc.. Our texts are lite hearted and I have thrown in “u are wonderful” . Not communicating for a month is gonna to be tough especially since he and I like to keep contact.. But I want him! But he contacts me small talk all the time ! But I want the” I love u” to come back in the text messages that I received a little over two months ago! ShouldI nc or just tell him ” her or me and not this middle of the road crap?! Thanks Chris you rock! :)))

admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:36 pm

NC rule is a good idea for you I think.

Tara

December 13, 2013 at 10:53 pm

I lasted 10 days in the nc rule because the last time I talked to my ex who got a gf within 2 wks of us breaking up he. Wanted to me to let him know how my court date went for driving on a suspended license……I texted him today to let him know…….he hasn’t responded and its been 4 hours:(. I will start over my nc rule for another 30 days 🙁

admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:21 pm

Yes but you should have lasted 30 days…

Annie

December 13, 2013 at 9:49 am

Hi Chris,

I sent you a message on FB few days ago when I was very desperate getting my ex back. I also went through most of your articles on this website and decided to follow your guide and I’m on my second week of NC now.

About my case, I and my ex had been together for more than a year and the problem is we’re in distance relationship but it went good so far. Until early this month, I said something that I shouldnt say because I was too emotional and we decided to broke up and I was so regret right away on what I did. I was too desperate and keep texting and sending stuff to him on to say sorry the next day after we broke up.

The next day he sent me a text message saying that he has blocked me from everything to contact him (including his number, FB, ect). Now I have no way to contact him again. Why would he do that?

What can I do now? I’ve gone through 2 weeks of NC (after the day he said he has blocked me from everything). And what can I do after my 30 days of NC to contact him? if he wont contact me after NC?

Looking for your reply and thank you for all of your articles, it really helps me to calm down and encourage me through these horrible days.

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Hi Annie,

Sorry I am no longer responding to FAcebook messages. It was just becoming too much for me…

Keep with the NC at this point.
Annie

December 14, 2013 at 8:44 am

Thanks for your reply,

How long for the NC do you think I should go for?

I can wait longer than 30 days but bc it’s distance relationship so I’m not so sure 😐

(Btw, I realized he unblocked me on FB yesterday, but still unfriend)
admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:32 pm

I think 30 days should be good.
Annie

December 26, 2013 at 4:40 pm

Hi Chris,

I just bought your ebook and there’s one more week to go for my 30 days NC, he hasn’t contact me at all so far and I’m feel not ready to talk to him (in fact I’m scare he wont response).

The only way I can text him now is through Facebook message (still unfriend) Should I just text him anyway after 30 days?

Thanks

Sarah

December 13, 2013 at 12:11 am

I talked to you about my facebook war before and how it brought my ex much closer to his rebound new live-in girlfriend. It’s been 3 months since then. I personally have had no contact with my ex since September. Then a mutual friend of my ex’s talked about me to my ex and the new girl hate messaged me, this was in late November. Now she’s started up again, I have no clue what is going on here, I’m not doing anything!!!! She must feel so threatened by me. The old me would have emotionally responded, but now I feel no need to engage her in this new little fight she is trying to start on instagram. I know I’m better than her (in every way) and they can be miserable together as far as I’m concerned. My ex himself doesn’t engage me but he let’s her do all the talking to me. He won’t talk to me! So when she talks to me, I look at it as HIM talking to me through her, it’s that silly. He also talked to me through our mutual friend all he said was “grow up and shut up.” lol. So after 2 months no contact I was thinking about testing him out to see how he would respond, but I didn’t need to because the new girl spoke up for him. So he is still holding this grudge against me!!!! For what?!?! for just me finding out that he cheated and then bashing him when my emotions were running high. Honestly he should be the one saying sorry to me, but it’s not like that….ugh the PRIDE. Even though he treated me like shit in the end, I still care for him, and he has some issues to work through (besides me) so I feel a need to help him….I just don’t want someone hating me, I rather patch things up and move on……but he blocked my number. What do you do when no contact is not enough? His emotions still run high and his anger is still there. We’ve not talked directly to each other since September 4, I mean is he just going to be mad at me his whole life???? I want to remind him of the good memories…..but he’s trying to erase me from his life…..hard for me to grasp this, was looking for your opinion on when things are negative still after no contact is over. Thanks Chris.

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Some people handle breakups this way. The key for you is to not get too upset by it and visably show it.
Sarah

December 14, 2013 at 4:07 am

thank you that’s what i’ll keep doing. not reacting. it feels like the right thing.

Sarah

December 12, 2013 at 10:21 pm

Hi Chris,

I am currently in NC (3 weeks this Sunday), and I was perfectly fine and really happy and extremely confident with myself. However, I literally just found out he likes someone else, and he went round her house and they “made out”. I am devastated. I feel like I’m losing him the more I do NC and I don’t know what to do. He said he doesn’t want a relationship for a while but he seems to be acting like he wants one again. I don’t know what to do now. Also, we’re both invited to a NYE party at a mutual friends house, and now that I know this information Im really worried about going. What do I do if she’s there? How should I act around him, whether she’s there or not? Everything I’d thought of before was perfectly fine but now Im so confused!

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Classy Classy Classy!

Can’t stress that enough.

karen

December 12, 2013 at 3:11 am

Chris, I did the nc,after nc I slept with him. I got a second date and in two weeks time I got him back and he broke up with the girl. He seems sad though he told me he loved the girl but he loves me more. The girl is a rebound. Im feeling a little insecure. I felt like he came back because I was his comfort zone. We dated 8 years. Now he’s tryng to be very sweet but his mind seems to be going else where when we are together. I feel like he’s thinking about the girl. They dated 3months.. How should I handle this?

admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Well, that is a tough one.

Lay back a little bit and let it play out. I mean, I get that you are his comfort zone but do you want to be with someone who only sees you like that?

Tell me specifically how his mind is elsewhere.

Sandra

December 11, 2013 at 6:09 am

Wait.. are you saying that I should try to go on a date with my ex boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. My ex actually has been inviting me to go out dinner,dancing. I had said no every time because I don’t want him to have his cake and eat it too. I have already finished no contact completely. We have been broken up 4 months and he has been with girlfriend for 3 months.
Now what should I do?

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:42 am

Hahaha noo..

But I think it is ok to hang out together as long as no lines are crossed.
Sandra

December 17, 2013 at 12:30 am

Ok… so this last Friday we had lunch. He contacted me that he was in the emergency room near my house. He asked if I would go see him. So I did. It was just back pain and nothing serious. After we went to lunch. He brought up the relationship.. so little talk about that. I made sure to touch his arm. At one point he cried after he asked about the new guy in my life. He told me that he doesn’t love the new gf and that he will always love me.He also said that he doesn’t see himself with her long term. I told him those

are just words. But I kept happy and
unemotional..After he wanted to go to the park but I told him I had things to do.
The next day he text me thanking me for seeing him that he was a little better and that he misses me. I responded I’m so glad I’m about to have breakfast, bye.
What should I respond with when he’s saying he misses me or loves me?
What should I do now?
admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Tough question…

But lets hit the pause button for a moment. If he doesn’t love this new girl and loves you then why is he with her?
Sandra

January 4, 2014 at 2:20 am

Hi Chris, I’m completely embarrassed to say this. But my ex contacted me Christmas eve. He was obviously missing me and had been drinking. I ended up meeting with him and we spent the night together. Then after that last night went to a hockey game together.
My question is how do I fix sleeping with him. He is still with someone else. It seems to be convenient for him since she is helping him pay for things..
I feel like he is getting over me when he sees me…or I’m easing his pain. :'( I’m so disappointed in myself.
Sandra

December 17, 2013 at 2:06 am

He also asked if I can go out dancing with him this Friday. Should I go?
admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:53 pm

If you want!

Sabrina

December 11, 2013 at 2:52 am

I love this article! I now truly understand it what you mean chris hehe 🙂 everytime i get the urge of gnat txting my ex, i read this article over and over again 🙂 Patience is a key thank you chris!

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:36 am

Yes mam!

Glad you got something out of it.
Sabrina

December 12, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Uhm hey chris, my dad was in the hospital, due to his medical condition.. I contact my ex bf mom, i told her about my dad’s condition, and she informed my ex about what happened, he replied back to her asking How was my dad and all.. But he never txt or call me to see how i was or just to check up.. Im so gutted on how he acts.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:26 pm

I am really sorry about your dad :(.

He is a guy.. just naturally assume we are all idiots.
Sabrina

December 13, 2013 at 10:43 am

Thank you Chris my dad is doing recovering now 🙂 he knows that i love my parents i just don’t understand how jerk he can be, he’s not like that ever since he dated that woman
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:47 pm

I think he is just being a jerk to be honest
Sabrina

December 14, 2013 at 11:49 pm

Biggest jerk if i may say. His mom told me,he was asking about me, if we were (his mom and i) texting this past few days, what we were talking about, and his mom said “everytime i brought you up, sabrina is not replying or changing the topic of the conversation” and he kept on saying why? And askibg his mom why i am avoiding him as a topic. As what you said in this article, “to get him back the smartest thing to do is NOT TO CARE” haha. Do you think it is working ?or he is just curious about me? He is the one asking about me.
admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:29 pm

I think thats a tough question to answer b/c the only one who knows if it is workign is HIM!
Sabrina

December 17, 2013 at 12:19 am

But he talks about me alot says his mom and she said that my iex is complaining about his new gf because she gets jealous when a girl gets to close to him.. She even changed his fb pic to the shes in it, messing around or snopping around my ex phone.. I never did all these to him, cuz i like to have his privacy but this girl is like marking her territory. Do guys wants this?
Sabrina

January 1, 2014 at 11:47 am

Happy new year chris! Only 5 days left before i complete the NC Rule and i am very hesitant to contact him after this, because it’s possible that his current gf will be the one reading my messages, shes already the one using his facebook, I dont know how to get around on her to talk to my exboyfriend. I dont know if its time to talk to him their been going out for 2 months, his mom said just let him be because they are still in the honeymoon stage, should i txt him after nc? And also i was thinking to use the nc on his mom because my ex bf is also asking her mom about me, is this necessary or no? Thanks again chris!
Sabrina

December 28, 2013 at 11:54 pm

What should i do?
Sabrina

December 28, 2013 at 12:21 am

Its funny how you already asked that question before he he he.. Yes i do want to get him back chris.
Sabrina

December 28, 2013 at 12:10 am

Yes.. I couldnt even txt him because when i do, they are fighting because of me.
Sabrina

December 26, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Hi chris how was your christmas? I hope it was great!… Im nearly at the end of my no contact yey! After a month of breaking it.. Anyhow my exbf and his gf celebrated their 2 months being together and he didnt even gave a gift to her for 2 consecutive months and even on christmas eve..Thats gotta hurt right, on the girl part? When guys treat you like this, are they serious about the relationship or just exploring? Hes been out going to bars and drinking with her lately. He was not like this before.. Hes becoming the worst version of himself. He became a rebel because of her
admin

December 27, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Well, are you still wanting to get him back?
admin

December 17, 2013 at 6:45 pm

Usually not but it is a little flattering at first but the second he realizes it won’t stop it will just annoy him more and more.
Sabrina

December 12, 2013 at 1:28 pm

I know im impatient Chris, i kept on leaving comments to you since nov 12 2013.. Rereading your articles im just afraid he will fall for his new GF . even though he always ask me to his mom, but my friends keep on saying he only does that to see if your ok, just concern, NOT LOVE. they even told me that my ex is inlove with the girl based on the pictures they have on Facebook. I know myself if he is happy or trying to act happy. I haven’t talked to him , im on strict NC but im still in touch with his mom..i know i should give him time, you keep on telling me that before. I dunno if he misses me, or wants me back?.i don’t want to be the Selfish-self-centered-girl, who would say if he loves me, he will break up with the girl.. All my friends keep on saying that to me.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm

I understand where you are coming from.

But think of it like this. The more you rely on him the more desperate you become and desperation is the opposite of attraction for men..
Sabrina

December 20, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Yeah he actually told me he doesn’t like begging, when i was desperately begging him to come back after the break up.. Im still giving him his “give me time”, that is what he wants he said to me when i was at my emotional peak. And i heard that he was complementing me when he spoke to his mom and brother that i was more beautiful than his current gf, that he gets jealous when guys look at me when we were both dating each other, he even said that i knew he wasn’t the one who changed the profile photo to the one him and his new gf. He doesnt talk mean things about me, which is cool right?
Sabrina

December 21, 2013 at 8:16 am

Now im realizing that i need help, im a ticking time bomb, i just wanna die im sorry i just dont know what to do i invested my life with him i cant bare the thought losing him, its been 2 months since we broke up i haven’t initiated the contact because 1 i keep on breaking the rules and 2 his gf is the one sniffing around his phone. Im jealous some women who comments on your page have their bf contact them even though their relationship lasted over 2-3months.. I was in a 4 year relationship but i dont see him initiating any contact with me but asking about me to his mom is all he ever does. Everyday im getting closer to the edge
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:20 am

You are relying too much on him.
Sabrina

December 22, 2013 at 3:36 am

I am 🙁 advance happy holiday chris..
admin

December 22, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Happy holidays!
Sabrina

December 12, 2013 at 2:05 pm

I know this is not your concern but, the reason also im being impatient , because the agency i am with is asking for my answer, about taking the job they offer me at UAE. My ex doesnt want me to take the job and also his mom, i remember when he asked me what will happen to our relationship, i answered i dont know, because i was so very confused about the offer and all, so i guess thats the reason he have a rebound GF at the moment he was afraid. and the problem right now is, if i didnt took the job, and he werent actually going to recocile with me therefore im left with nothing! Im afraid to make decisions that will affect him and i getting back together
Sabrina

December 11, 2013 at 2:58 pm

Every questions that i would like to ask you is al here in this article! You described the whole craziness i tried to do to ger my ex back and talking to his new gf, thats why he protected her over me lol.
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:49 am

🙂 glad I could answer them for ya.

But mostly I am glad you took the inititate to actually read it.

PB

December 10, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Wow, Chris. This is good! Really good. Thank you for posting 2.0. No questions at this time.
renee

December 10, 2013 at 3:52 am

I started dating my ex boyfriend in October of 2012. He was my best friend’s brother it was love at first sight. However very rocky relationship and I broke up with him at the end of June 2013.
I started seeing an old friend as soon as we broke up in the beginning of July 2013. By mid-july he had also started seeing somebody new.
The beginning of September 2013 I was with his sister at a town festival and ran into him and the new girlfriend and I knew then we were soulmates and I was never going to forget him.
He also felt the same way he called me within the hour ask me why I cheated on him and how he still loves me very much. I tried to explain that I did not cheat but that i was very sorry I should never started dating that soon after our breakup and the next day broke up with that boyfriend.
Since then i became my ex boyfriends other woman. In mid-september after the first time we had sex again and I realized he wasn’t going to break up with his girlfriend i Facebook her everything that had happened. He told her that I was lying and it didn’t happen he threw me under the bus and she told me that they were in love and I needed to move on. She made him blocked my home phone and my cell phone from his phone and it only took about 2 days and he was trying to contact me using my daughters phone and also by calling his sister and my sister so things are back on and well that was the mid Sept and I never did tell her anything else again it would have been no point.
since then I have a new phone number and he said he will not let her block this one we have had a lot of talks about the past about the future both want for the future ultimately everything comes back to us being together but that he doesn’t want to hurt her and that she has not done anything wrong and that she tries to make everything perfect
In November I wrecked my van and while he was fixing it for me I borrowed his truck the truth is I could have drove it home that same day but instead I kept his truck for the next month. my van sat in his driveway.
Finally after a month I told him that I could not be the other woman any longer I’d had enough I was bringing his truck back to him I was getting my van and I was done that was last week he’s always telling me how much he loves me but he doesn’t trust me how he wants to be with me how he started that relationship too soon after a breakup how she’s never done anything wrong and he doesn’t want to hurt her.
He has asked me to wait for her to do something wrong and as soon as she does he will break up I told him I don’t think that’s fair to ask me that he doesn’t want me to date anybody but it’s okay that he dates her that I need to prove myself to him because he still thinks I cheated on him. Sunday this week he called and I text him back if it was an emergency or was he single because I was not going to be that other woman any longer and he got mad and told me he wasn’t playing my games and he just text back few hateful things and about 2 hours later he came over and told me how much he loved me and he wishes he could be with me that it’s very hard to be with one woman in to be in love with another I am so very much in love with him I do believe she is just a rebound they’ve been together 4 months for the past 3 months I have been a part of it I don’t want to be that person I have told him I want all or nothing and I don’t know what to do I have read your e-book I’m afraid to do the no contact completely because he already doesn’t trust me and thinks I cheated on him. any helpful advice would be wonderful thank you

admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Have you considered doing no contact?

Jane

December 10, 2013 at 2:33 am

I saw my ex this weekend for the first time since our break up. I was happy and laughing…we had a great time. Then I think I screwed it up…I let my heart speak. I told him, as he walked me to the car, that I couldn’t do that again. It was so easy to slip into conversation and not miss a beat. I need to have respect for myself and be selfish. He said he understood and asked if i would please consider being friends down the road. i dont know why i said it…,after all i read. I dont want him to have my friendship (emotional support) and a new girl. Did I completely ruin my chances?

admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Not completely. Hurt them a bit but not ruined them.
Jane

December 15, 2013 at 4:17 am

How do I proceed from here?

Christine

December 10, 2013 at 12:14 am

How to erase the bad memories of our relationship from my ex-boyfriend’s mind? How to make him to have fonder feelings towards my good qualities and our good memories So that he knows that he was in fact happy with me, and now that I have really changed (naturally but not attempted) to a better person………
How to make him feel that he will be happier with me this time round? I have implemented the NC but not full month yet.

Thank you..

admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Well doing all of the things you are talking about will occur AFTER NC.

PB

December 9, 2013 at 11:38 pm

I’ve asked you questions before, but I’d like some clarity.

My ex isn’t dating anyone, but he is very close friends with another girl (that I am friends with). He started pursuing her a couple weeks after he broke up with me. This meant touching/talking to/staring at her A LOT and going out of his way to see her everyday. Eventually he built up the courage to tell her about his feelings,but she told him that she didn’t feel the same way but wanted to remain good friends. So he pretty much acts the same with her as he did when he pursued her (he has calmed it down a little though). She doesn’t see it anything more than becoming closer friends with him.

Today he gave her cookies or brownies as a surprise gift I guess. They are both very touchy with each other, like she’ll share a seat with him and both of them will mess with each other’s hair and he still goes out of his way to eat lunch with her. But again, she said that since he knew that nothing would happen between them, the things they are doing with each other mean nothing.

They see each other a lot during school. I only have one class every other day that I share with my ex that the other girl isn’t in. So they have a lot of time to hang out with each other, and I can tell that my ex eats it up. I know that the other girl doesn’t want/mean to hurt me, but it ends up that both her and my ex do hurt me by the way they act.

I have ten more days of NC to go. He has slowly started to talk to me at school (we usually avoid talking/being around each other as much as possible). I’m afraid that might mean that he’s setting me up to be friendzoned.

I haven’t confronted my ex about his feelings for this other girl. I do try a bit harder to hang out with this girl 1. to become better friends with her, and 2. to act as a sort of cock-block (which works sometimes, but since the girl sees him as just a friend, she doesn’t mind reaching out to him even if I’m around).

(She is extremely pretty, and pretty much the polar opposite to me as far as looks go–she’s tall, blonde, and rather endowed, while I am short, brunette, and small-chested. And she is flirty and touchy while I usually don’t initiate physical contact.)

What do you suggest that I do? My ex is so tied up in this girl that I’m afraid that he sees me as nothing.

admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Can I ask how long you dated your ex (I forgot.)
PB

December 11, 2013 at 4:23 am

I dated him for about 2 1/2 years in total. At one point I had broken up with him because I lost the attraction and wanted to try to date other guys, but eventually I realized I still had feelings for my ex and we got back together after about two months.
PB

December 10, 2013 at 12:36 am

Also:

I have a game plan for after NC (which is coming up soon). NC ends just two days before his birthday (I’m not getting him a gift or anything). His birthday is the last day before winter break starts. I am going to try to avoid him as much as I can on his birthday so I don’t feel guilty and so I don’t have to tell him happy birthday just yet. (One good thing I know is that the other girl will be out of town on his birthday so he won’t be able to see her.)

The next day is the beginning of winter break. This is good because 1. my ex won’t be able to see the other girl (she’ll be out of town for a good part/all of the break, and she doesn’t really hang out with him outside of school), 2. I My ex and I won’t be around each other (when we’re around each other, it usually feels tense/awkward). I’ll have a (probably small) chance to get his mind off of her by texting him.

The first day of break, I will send him a text about something that I think he’ll like. Maybe: “I just saw this musical that was insanely good that I really really recommend.” (This is good because he is a big fan of musicals and it would be a surprise because during our relationship I usually avoided watching musicals with him.) I know that he will probably respond. Following your texting rules, I’ll wait at least an hour before replying to his reply. Maybe: “It’s called [insert name of musical here]. It’s a lot like [insert name of musical that he and I watched together and have good memories of], except blah blah blah…” Then I could end it by saying, “I have to go now though, so I’ll talk to you later” or “I’ll talk to you more about it later.” Or I could continue the conversation for one or two more texts before ending it like I suggested. Maybe add, “by the way, happy birthday” at the end.

A few days later it will be Christmas. I will send him a text then. Maybe: “Hey, merry Christmas 🙂 remember when you came over for that one Christmas and all I wanted to do was wear my stupid angry birds hat and your glasses and take pictures?” (That might be too personal, I’m not sure though.) I’m pretty sure that he’ll reply to that. I guess I’ll just have to take it from there, then end it a few texts in. (If he gives a neutral response, I might just say, “Ya, that was fun. Anyway, I hope you have a nice day” or something along those lines.) I might add, “I still have that hat. And the angry birds plush from Busch Gardens during our school trip. You were really lucky to win that thing.”

Then, a couple days later, I could find a funny picture of himself that he took with my phone and send it to him saying, “I was looking through my pictures and found this. You must be a super model :P”

I feel most confident with the picture message. I feel least confident with the memories text, because I’m afraid it might make him feel awkward.

Does this plan sound alright? Any suggestions?
admin

December 10, 2013 at 7:03 pm

I think you plan is solid!
PB

December 24, 2013 at 2:16 am

Okay so, finished day 2 of my (revised) plan (I had just added a day where I later talked about the musical). The first day I kept it short. The second day I texted him for a long time (over 7-8 hours, with probably 2 hours or so in total within that of waiting to respond), about the musical, about our trip to Canada, about videos we watched, etc. He seemed like he was flirting a bit (when we were talking about Canada, he referred to some of the sexual things we did). At one point he brought up a memory he had of us (not a sexual one this time, but about a movie).

Sometimes it seemed like he was uninterested in talking (short responses), other times it seemed like he was joking and active in the conversation (like in the memory he brought up). But the last thing I said to him was, “I found an album you may like” and all he said was “maybe.”

The problem with the short responses thing is that he did that even when we were together, even when he was really really into me. He was just never good with conversation, especially over text. So it’s hard to tell if he is just acting like he did when we were dating or if he is really just uninterested.

What do you think? Is this a sign that he wants me back, or is uninterested, or is it still unclear? What can I do to find out if he’s still interested, or what can I do to get him more interested in talking to me?

(I’m done talking with him for a day–I’m going to continue my plan on Christmas.)
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

I think its a good sign but I wouldn’t start dancing yet.
PB

December 26, 2013 at 9:11 pm

So, we ended up texting all day yesterday. He even texted me while he was rearranging his room (as opposed to stopping so he could work).

He called me “bro” once (the last time I texted him, he called me “friend.” when we were dating he called me “bro” occasionally.). We joked around and teased each other a lot, especially when we first started talking. He used one worded responses throughout the conversation, but especially near the end. he brought up me acting jealous two years ago, and I apologized. He said, “well it’s in the past,” and I said, “well that doesn’t excuse what I did, but I guess the best thing I can do is never do it again” and he said, “Ya! moving on”. At one point he randomly asked me about a gift I said (two months ago) I was going to get him for birthday/Christmas. when I asked him why he wanted to know, he said “so I can see if I can get it for myself”.

We ran out of things to say, so I asked about his mom, then I asked how he was doing. He said “fine” then asked how I was. I answered, then asked why he’d asked. He said that it was a formality. (I then changed the subject.)

Eventually he ended the conversation by saying good night and going to sleep. I guess I lost control of the conversation.

Is this a bad sign? Is there a way I can get him to start a texting conversation? what should my next move be? Is there a way to know if he actually wants to talk to me?

(I’m not going to text him for a couple of days.)
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Well this is a good sign I think…

BUT do a better job to leave him wanting more. You are giving him too much of yourself right now.
PB

December 29, 2013 at 5:22 pm

I texted him a little yesterday. We ended up talking about the way each other looked as babies, and he joked that I was still weird looking (I was an odd looking baby). I joked that I was actually gorgeous, but he was afraid to admit it. All he replied was “Well….” He could have said something like “haha ya right” or “sure whatever you say” instead,which was what I was expecting, so I’m curious to know what the “well” meant. I ended the conversation there and I probably won’t text him today.

Is this good?
admin

December 30, 2013 at 7:55 pm

I think it is!
PB

January 1, 2014 at 5:20 pm

Also, what should I do next? When should I text him again?

(we go back to school tomorrow, so I’ll be seeing him in person. Any advice on how I should interact with him?)
PB

January 1, 2014 at 12:39 am

so I texted him yesterday, but he hasn’t replied.What could this mean?
He’s replied pretty much immediately every other time I’ve texted him. Is this good or bad..?
PB

December 11, 2013 at 4:32 am

Okay, good. He has been bringing up a couple of memories of me and him around our friends at school. I don’t know if that is a good or bad sign (putting me in the friendzone?), but I know that it makes bringing up memories through text less awkward.

Carli

December 9, 2013 at 11:30 pm

I was in a relationship with my ex and we lived together for almost 4 years, we broke up bc of my insecurities and when I was on a holiday, after the first time I broke up with him, we got back and then he dumped me and got back with me 3 times. When I got home from my holiday, we met and he wanted to work things out with me, then an hour later he confessed me that after the first time we broke up, he dated a girl thats friend with his brothers girlfriend and were still seeing her during the times we got back. Then he asked me if he could stay at his brothes house to figure out what he wanted for us and I accepted. Then a day later he broke it off with me again. 5 times in 1 month! I was so upset and crying all day. In 3 weeks after the last time breaking up, he still came over to see me like everyday to check on me and to get his stuff. We talked bout our relationship and things between us and between him and her, he hugged me really tight and tried to touch me, he even got naked in front of me when I dared him, reason he came over to see me is bc he missed me, that he thought of me when hung out with her. During the times he came over and on facebook, I confronted him bout things I heard from his friends and his brothers told me that shes there with him everyday and they sleep together, he picks up and drops her off at school, go strawberry picking, hanging out a lots, he makes new license to get into the clubs with her that he told me he hated, when I call or talk to him on the phone he doesnt answer straight after bc shes there, he deleted our conversation on facebook incase she might sees it bc he let her uses his phone to take photos of her and them, he named her number as sweetie on his phone and xoxo her in texts (thats what I saw by my own eyes). He denied all of that, he said he only saw her as friend and enjoy her company and shes a fun girl to hang out with. He even changed her name number from Sweetie to Friend in front of me just to prove that they are nothing. He also said if one day he find the love he once had for me he will let me, then he said if he dates her again i will be the first person know that, but it would be just for fun, then he went it wouldnt be serious unless we get back, then dont worry hes not gonna date her. Confused! But I see things like this, we dated when I was 18, shes 18 now, she gives him the fun, happiness and joys of honeymon stage that he was craving to have that, besides its connivence bc shes friend with his brothers girlfriend and I didnt get along well with them so its better to hangout with her bc its no drama. I told him and of course he denied it, theres no honeymon stage bc they are just friend! He also said i was the last asian girl he ever dated and yes shes asian, we are both vietnamese!
So last Sunday I heard him and his friends planned to go fishing but he said she wouldnt come bc there was no seat in the car but his brother said she was going to come. I trusted him. Then I decided to send his best friend a text saying if he can get a time alone with my ex, please help me to find out if what I heard from people and what I saw on his phone were truth and if he likes her I will back off and give up on our love. I regretted doing that bc his friend told him on that day (they didnt go fishing), and he confronted me and asked me why I did it, i gave him reasons but he seemed he didnt care much about it. Then yesterday he was with his brother (who hates me to gut and mean to me all the time), he asked me why I sent the text again, and he said “But do u know what u said to him really hurt me why did u have to lie an make me look bad because it was not true why did u have to make me sound so stupid”. I said sorry to him and explain i didnt think it through and i though his friend would help us get back. Then 20 mins later he text me said “Can u please stop talking and asking bout me and her, I love her and thats all I want u to know, Im serious telling u this, please stop”. Then he called me and said he felt in love with her 2 weeks ago she knows that and she loves him too, they sleep together and have sex, and if I want he can let me meet her to have a final talk. I know it was his brother who hates me and told him to say that to make me shut up bc why he said I hurt him by sending the text and what I said aint truth. If he said he liked her I could believe it but not IN LOVE we broke up 2 weeks after he knew he loved her and the way he denied things made me believe he just said it to piss me off, of course he has feeling for her based on what I heard and saw but not love, its so fast. I dont know if shes a rebound or he actually loves her. Chris u got to read through this slowly to understand how messed up he is and the way he denied and stringed me along in 1 month since I got home! I cant do NC right now bc I still need to talk to help bout putting the house we rent in my name and his furnitures are still here. I went NC in 2 days last week and he called me like 6 times in total and he got a bit jealous when he knew I was on a date. Last friday he asked if I want him to come over I said no, then he called again said he was at supermarket near my place and wondered if I needed anything I said no again. After that we talked a bit then this shit happened just yesterday! His brother told his friend that my ex new girlfriend has left him bc of this shit before my ex told me if I want can meet her. I asked him latter that night if I can meet her and he said maybe. I dont know what to do, I love him so much but why he had to lie bout his feeling for her and denied everything I knew bout them and kept stringing me along! There are so many confusions of him bc of his reactions towards me when he saw me and things he said to lead me on and if he dates her he will let me know like million times, denied everything then bum he loves her after he said things i knew aint true and it hurt him. Please help Im stuck

admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:55 pm

Maybe just go limited contact until you can go full NC.
Carli

December 10, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Do you think shes a rebound? They dated 2 months ago after our first break up for 2 weeks, he liked her that time, now they started dating again a week after our final break up which was a month a go, so they are a couple for 3 weeks already and after 1 weeks dated her again, he said he knew he love her! What do you think Chris? Rebound or real love?
admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:20 am

If they date and are together for around 4-6 months it can become serious.
Carli

December 12, 2013 at 7:51 am

Updated: he tried to add a guy im seeing lastnight, he claimed that he was looking at my likes of my photo that appears on his news feed and accidently added that guy but then canceled, that photo I put last week and theres no way its still on his news feed bc he has like 500 friends. So the new guy asked him who he was, he said wrong person, then he asked ‘so you dated Carli huh’ and my ex said yeah bout 4 years lol. It happened at 1:30 AM. Today he talked to me on fb asked when he can come to collect his stuff and what Im doing on the weekend, then 2 hours later he sent me a text said “I deleted your fb so I dont see your status and dont have to think about you anymore”. But then I checked and hes still friend with me on fb!! They just dated 3 weeks after 1 week we broke up and he said he loves her. I hope its the honeymon stage feelings he has with her, none of his friends or family knows they are dating except his twin brother and his wife. If he loves her why he doesnt let people know and why he still stalk me on fb lol

Kimara

December 9, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Okay, this was really helpful but some things he does confuses me. When we were together he would mention me as “my girl” but when he mentions her he either calls her by her name or says “the girl”. He says and does things that makes me think he still cares about me and he wears a necklace I gave him that is engraved with our anniversary date and he never wants me to see them together at school. Do you think he still cares? He started dating her a week after we broke up.

admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:43 pm

I think he does yes.

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