How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You- Advice & Help

1,052 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

yen

November 5, 2013 at 4:04 am

I think I lost my chance of getting back my ex. I already did the no contact rule then he started texting, calling me. Then for the 1st time he went to my house saying he was so wrong that he cheated on me, he realize that i’m the one he wants. Then he ask for a second chance. After that night I discovered that he still went to the other girl’s office to celebrate her birthday. Then I called him and his new girl’s friend telling the friend of the girl my story I also sent them the printscreen of his textmsgs for me. Then the other girl discovered what’s happening. As my ex say they are already through bcoz of the incident. He was not angry to what I did, he said he deserve that, and he was asking me advice what to do. He told me that i’m still the one he wants, he just didn’t know how to end that time with the other girl. So i, advice him that I think his still is confuse, I told him to stay single for now, so later on he will know who he really love bcoz he has no option. How can I fix the damage I done? I want him, to still love me. Please.

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:58 pm

Let me ask you. If he cheated on you why do you want him back?
yen

November 5, 2013 at 8:33 pm

Because it’s the 1st time it happened in our 6yrs relationship, and I think at that time he was just confused with the other girl. Because when I decided to be out of the picture for both of them he came back to me for a second chance, and he just didn’t know how to tell the other girl.
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:54 pm

Is he with the new girl?
Mj

November 8, 2013 at 11:31 am

Hi chris. I stumbled on ur blog yesterday.writing from abuja,nigeria.I experienced what Yen did.only that we dated for 5mnths(this year).He travelled out of town & he didn’t contact me not until Sept telling me he’s sorry nd all that crap,by then he was back in town.i told him it was over btw us.during those 4months of silence i didn’t contact him too(sorta NC 😀 ).We started chattin on whatsapp and although i insìsted we see in public & not at his place since he wanted to see,i later gave in to his request.but around the time i told him it’s over,he was allover twitter,declaring his love for the new boo,tho i’m not following him,but i read(stalked) his tweets and that of his new boo.He started contacting me again,askin me to forgive him and take him back,that he loves me.i played along knowing he has a new girl and he didn’t know i knew bout her.when we finally saw 6days ago,last wk sun(6mnths to the time we last saw each other) at his place,i challenge him bout his new girl he told me they weren’t dating yet,she made him announce her on twitter,she still has her ex as her dp on bbm.that if i agree to have him back he was gon leave her.i agreed and since i wasn’t staying in the same town as he,he started giving suggestions as to how we are gon make our rltnship work as it wld now be a LDR.For a moment that same day,i let my guard down & we made sweet love(which i knew i’d regret doing later,if i found out it was all lies and it turned out that way)…a day passed(mon this week) he didnt contact me not until tue telling me he left his phone in the taxi we boarded together on my way home the day we saw(sun) and a good samaritan brought it to him monday evening.he wantd us to see since i’ll be flying back to where i stay the next day(wed this week),but wasn’t sure if he’ll be done on time with lectures at the Uni he attends.fast foward to late afternoon that same day,i was set to see him but he was still at sch.i even had a gift for him but he kept insisting he wasn’t home yet.i called back to suggest i drop it with a neighbour of his or at his doorstep,he said no,that i instead postpone my trip,which is a no-no för me,since i also would miss lectures at my sch.he then said his roomie was chilin at home with his girl and he wouldn’t want me to disturb them which i found strange cos 1. i didnt even plan on entering his crib since he wldn’t be around until late & i stil had things to do in town before nightfall.so i couldn’t afford to wait. 2. His roomie and i were accquainted and he’d welcome my visit anytime,anyday.so it seemed to me he had something or someone he had to hid from me…his roomie called to confirm that he had his gal around and that when i’m around their house i should call so he’d meet me at the gate and collect what i had to give my boyfriend.That for sure fuelled my suspicions so i didn’t do as my boyfriend’s roomie adviced.So i marched straight into their house and seated at their doorstep was my boyfriend’s new boo and his roomie(with a stunned look on his face as he knew i’d now known the reason for the back and forth).turned out she came into town that day to spend the week with my boyfriend and he didn,t want me to know.i called his roomie aside and questioned him bout the new boo,he tried to cover up for my boyfriend,but then i had him know that i knew who she was,that she was my bf’s new boo,he got quiet.i then gave him the gift and told him to deliver it to his roomie,my bf.then i stormed off.later that day i found out my b.f blocked me on whatsapp and bbm so i wouldnt contact him.it’s 3days now and he hasn’t contact me.before i got to my b.f’s place that day,he & his roomie kept calling to know exactly where i was,i lied to them that i was far away in town but they didn’t know i was headed to their place.i’m so disappointed in him right…
admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Wow from Nigeria!

Welcome!

Have you started NC yet?
Mj

November 9, 2013 at 9:30 am

Thanks chris. 😀
I did NC for 4months before this recent disappointment.i don’t even know what i’m feeling right now,hate,scorn,stunned,disappointment etc. Why did he have to bother trying to reach me and have me back in his life only to disappoint me again.i really don’t know how i’d act the next time i see him.I just started Nc again and i’m not sure if i wanna go on with it cos of the hurt i feel.and yeah,i do love him. :'( at times i think it’s a rebound thing btw him and his new girl.He still hasn’t called.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 1:03 am

Just keep doing what you are doing. Be patient.
yen

November 9, 2013 at 12:45 am

Chris, I really don’t know what to do, we started communicating after the incident. He was really sorry, he wanted to work it out for us, but he didn’t know how. As for me, I really want him to be sure this time. What can I do, to make a guy be sure of his love for me? If he already cheated? Thank u so much.
admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:30 am

I guess have him regain your trust.
Larae

November 15, 2013 at 11:14 pm

I wish I could get Bradley bake he told me he doesn’t love me anymore now I feel week
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:04 pm

Sorry :(. Anything I can help you with specifically?
yen

November 10, 2013 at 1:10 am

Can I still apply the NC to test his sincerity? Or what do u think is the best approach? Thank u so much
admin

November 10, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Sure you can!
yen

November 6, 2013 at 8:30 pm

For now, I don’t think so, the other girl is mad at him and he also told me he should face the consequences of what he had done which is to be single right now.

Pauly

November 4, 2013 at 11:35 am

Hi, I stumbled upon your website because I need help and in some ways, reading the many articles you have written has helped, I was reading the comments and I don’t know if anyone has a similar situation to mine so I figured, I may as well explain my story so I can get advice. I was going out with this guy for 10 months. We both currently live and work in Korea. And from the time that I met him, to the time he had to leave to go back to the states for a couple of months on work related grounds. He was living with me. Everything was going well, we were with each other 24/7. I have to admit, that I’m not the type of person that likes to be with a guy who can be quite needy, but he was always like that, he never gave me the space that I needed, I was always free spirited. But I felt I changed in order to suit him because well, he loved me and cared for me, but above all he wanted me to act a certain way now that I’m getting “older” (28) and I thought, that I might as well, he might be right, so I had to slow down on my partying, slow down on seeing my friends, slow down on everything. But I enjoyed my time with him, he treated me like a queen. It wasn’t until he went back to the states for 2 months that everything changed. The first month was great, we would face time each other in the morning and before I went to sleep. He would even call me at lunch time while I was at work. Then it wasn’t until the last month he was back there that everything changed. You see, he had been separated from his ex wife for almost 2 years and so the divorce was meant to be finalized but his lawyer had called him and told him that there were problems with the finalizing and they said he had to wait until december for it to be finalized. He went off the rails after that. That same day he found out, he cheated on me. He didn’t tell me of course, but I knew something was up because he wasn’t calling me as much as he would. Then the next weekend. He cheated on me again with another girl. And the night after that he cheated once more with another girl. He ended up starting a relationship with one of the girls while he was over there and falling in love with her. He has a daughter and I told him that one of the main reasons why he was going back over there was to visit her because he hardly got to see her or talk to her. So when he was back there, he would spend more time with this girl and basically neglect his daughter. The next time he will see his daughter won’t be until next year thats for sure. So two weeks prior to him coming back he tried to end it, he didn’t tell me on what grounds, I did ask him if their was someone else and he said “no, I’m doing this for me”. And then we fought some more and then he basically told me that he needed time to think and he didn’t want me to contact him until he came back. Little did I know, he was flying all over america with this girl. Even his mother was disappointed in him and was telling him to stop hurting me and that he was crazy and trying to created more drama for himself. He did eventually let it slip that he had a gf to this other girl,and she was angry, because if she had known, she wouldn’t have started anything with him, but then he proceeded to tell her that we had broken up so it was okay (which was news to me). When he got back. he was a different person from the guy that I knew or that anyone knew. He was expecting me to throw him out and have all his clothes and everything ready for him to leave, but instead, I looked at him, and I saw how lost he was and I figured, I really wanted to help him. He ended telling me everything. He even got really nasty to me telling me that the other girl had everything he wanted in a woman and so much more, and that I had become complacent for the time we were together. It hurt, it definitely hurt to hear that, but I took it on the chin, I was more concerned in getting him right again. So I tried, he stayed with me for 3 days after he got back, during that time he was supposedly in a relationship with her. He would tell me that he still loved me and that he’s confused, he doesn’t know what he wants blah blah blah. And so after 3 days, I thought I could get him back on track and it looked like he was beginning to listen to me, but he ended up moving out because she called him and basically told him that she can give him a life where he won’t have to worry anymore. That ripped me to shreds when I found that out and moving out made it harder for me to cope. Because its still relatively new. He’s been back just over 3 weeks. In the first week of being back, he finally said to me that we’re breaking up, and I didn’t know that it was because he started going out with her and told her that I was out of the picture for good. So for days after that I would tell him, “delete me then,” and he would say ” I’m not ready to,” his idea was that I still had a lot to offer and so it f#cked with his head every time he would talk to me, there were times when I miss him and I would tell him to come over and he would and he would spend the night and then in the morning or when he had finished, he would try to leave abruptly and say really nasty things to me and keep saying things like “I can’t keep going in circles with you,” and I would say stuff like, I deserve so much better and I will find better and he had the audacity to say “I highly doubt that, being here in Korea,” I’ve never heard him be so mean to me and then next minute be so warm and loving but at the same time, be quite distant. So, because I was getting tired of him screwing with my head because he would come over and stay the night and say things like “this is our secret, promise you won’t say anything” and of course I would oblige but thats because I wanted to be close to him again and I was hurting. And he didn’t like to see me hurt, thats in his words too and that’s a reason he gave her. And I would try to distance myself, I would try to tell him, I’m over you, I’m deleting you off everything and he would keep saying “if thats what you want” and I said “no, its not what I want, but you can’t make up your damn mind,” and when I said that to him two weeks ago and I was serious, I mean, I had to have a few drinks to have the courage to say what I wanted to say because he’s a charmer and he knows what to say to me and I was pretty damn serious when I said that, and he saw that I was serious because usually I cave and so his whole look had changed, he wasn’t pissed off that I called him for the 100th time he almost looked desperate. Thats when he said, that he still loved me. But I told him nope, tonight I’m deleting you, then I hung up on him, sent him some face book messages about moving on and stuff, 20 minutes later, he shows up at my door. We had another fight and then…he ended up staying the night again. Yeah things were weird. But, I was at boiling point. I wanted him to make up his mind, but most of all, I was sick of him trying to call the shots. So last weekend I remembered that he had his face book password saved in my computer. So I logged on, found the information of the girl and then rang him up and told him, “we are done, I’m over your little games, I’m taking matters into my own hands and I’m telling her EVERYTHING,” he did not like that, thats for sure, and he did not like how I had obtained the information, so much so, that he raced all the way from his job to my place to try and delete all his saved information as well as trying to stop me from telling the other girl. We fought for probably 4 hours. I told him, I don’t care, you’ve hurt me, I’m a woman scorned now, I have nothing to lose etc. He kept saying “she’s the only thing that is making me happy in my life right now,” I kept thinking that he is so disillusioned, he always use to talk about how his daughter was everything to him. I just kept saying “I don’t care,” and I didn’t, at that time, then he continued to call me every bad word under the sun. That night, the other girl ended up contacting me via FB, and she was really nice and she was saying stuff like she didn’t know that he was in a relationship but if she did kn
ow that she wouldn’t have pursued it but that she just needed answers because she had called him that night and he wasn’t acting right and she knew he was lying and so she got hold of me first. We ended up talking for hours. I told her everything. At the end of our conversation she basically said I’m done with him, he’s lied for the 100th time, and she doesn’t want to see him again. She told him the next day, he wasn’t remorseful and he wouldn’t give a straight answer only that he was trying to end things with me so that he could be with her, but that would have never been the case, he was still stringing me along. So the day after, she told him that she was breaking up with him and didn’t want to see him again and she was glad she was 6000 miles away so she won’t have to put up with his dramas anymore. He ended up texting and calling me, the whole day, I had avoided his calls etc. but then in the afternoon I caved, because like her, I wanted to say my peace and then leave, so we met up again that night and he was looking very worse for wear, but it was more to do with how he treated me the night before because I’ve never seen him act like that. It was totally out of character. We ended up talking and then he ended up staying the night (just sleeping, I wasn’t ready for anything other then that) and then last week he was texting me like before he left for the states, it kind of felt like old times again. And then on the wednesday, I was stressed from work and he was too, we had another fight over the phone and basically, my insecurities came out about him and I had a few beers to relax, he then proceeded to tell me I have a drinking problem and thats why he can’t be with me, and then went on to say that he needs time to think about things. The next day, I was a mess, I was trying to apologize to him, calling him. I was an emotional wreck, and we ended up fighting again and he said he didn’t want to talk to me for a couple of days. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe how much of a turn around it was from me being the confident person I was on the sunday, ready to tell him how much I loathed what he was doing and that he needs serious help to me crumbling at the seems. I hated that I had become so weak, when for the first time in a month and a half, I felt as though the ball was finally in my court.

So on the saturday, just gone, I made a conscious decision and after reading all the articles you have on here. I decided I will not contact him for a month. At first he was very defensive because at first I told him that I don’t ever want to talk to you or see you again because I was still relatively pissed that he was blowing off my phone calls and starting to act like the douche bag that he really was. But then we got to talking more, and I told him, I came here to have a civil conversation at least give me that, but he kept rolling his eyes with his arms crossed. And saying all these hurtful things to me again how I’m not good enough and how she was everything he ever wanted, all I could say to that was “thats nice,” I was over being angry, I just was focused on saying what needed to be said. But then eventually he warmed up, and grabbed my hands. His whole exterior, had dropped and I started seeing him like he use to be. Thats when I told him, I can’t shut you out completely, so thats why I won’t talk or text you for 30 days, then I told him that if I want to get in contact with you in 30 days, I will, but if I feel as though I have moved on, then I won’t make any contact, his final words to me, was that he hopes that I contact him again, we hugged and then he said he loved me and I said it back and then I got up and walked away, we both agreed that a lot of damage has occurred but at the same time we’re not ready to let go of each other because we feel that we can still make it work in some weird way. I know what he was like before he left and I know he’s trying to find himself again. With his job, he gets free counseling, and I know he had one scheduled for today so I hope he makes it a habit over this month, but as for me, I don’t get those benefits because my job is not as elite as his, so I’ve explained my situation to all my friends. They all say I should move on, he’s not worth it, there are plenty more fish in the sea. But, I’m in Korea. its a little harder. And besides, its easier said then done. I ended up becoming friends with the girl he was seeing back in the states on FB, its quite Erie how similar me and her are, the only difference is she has more drive and more options. But we talk like we’ve known each other forever. Its kind of weird, but its been therapeutic talking to her.

I’ve read your article, and yes, I totally agree that he is Narcissistic, compulsive liar, gets jealous easily and above all, HAS CHEATED MULTIPLE TIMES, so I understand what he’s done, and I understand its hard to help someone who has done that, but I feel that the guy I fell in love with here in Korea is not the same guy who came back from the states. I’m trying to unravel his brain, and all I’m getting is that he’s absolutely ‘lost’. I just want to know if doing this NC 30 day cut off period is a good thing for both of us, I’m worried, because he is a charmer, he might try to pull her back but from what she has told me, she’s absolutely done with him and he’s just made her livid from all of this. But I don’t know if she’s angry for the wrong reasons. I’ve done this waiting game before, I didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks because thats what he wanted but now the shoe is on the other foot, I’m calling the shots but I still feel uneasy, as if he will do something to humiliate me and try to go back to her. But from what I gather. I don’t think it can be saved after I told her everything, he said he was annoyed at how I told her but at the same time, he felt relief, because he didn’t have to lie anymore. He knows that if he wants it to work with me, he has to work on himself, so I hope he keeps to his priorities, But above all, I want a fresh, clean start, and if we so happen to end up back together, then so be it, I’m just hoping I’m a different by the end of the month. But I’m worried, I may cave, its only been 2 days, it feels like withdrawals, and its harder when I’m in a foreign country, and all I want to do, is be around my family and friends.

Sofia Oldmark

November 6, 2013 at 10:27 pm

I so understand what you have been trough. My boyfriend of 11 years!!!! was cheating on me with a woman that is 20 years younger, works for him, is married, does drugs, goes to “burning man”, etc. What hurts the most is the lies. He never admitted to having an affair. She as just a “friend”. I kicked him out of my house and he kept lying. He finally confessed because I sent him an e-mail thanking him for the opportunity to have sex with a really hot young guy. When he saw that e-mail, he thought we were even and thought I would take him back. I just told him that I a lied about that and he got a dose of “his own medicine”. He has absolutely no morals. He was begging me to come to his company picnic to clear up “the rumors”, when he was having sex with with his slut in a motel room the same week. So many lies. That is what is so hurtful. You think after 11 year I deserve the truth. He has also left me with $40K, which was mostly his stupidity. My life will never be the same. I will have no contact with him ever. I now realize that the lies started from day one and he is is a dishonest, pathetic, disgusting conman. He is so evil that I have now eliminated any good memories that we had, only that bad is in my mind. I am just sorry I did not see the signs. I was stupid, but everyone knows what he has done and he has very few friends, his parents don’t want anything to do with him, etc. I will never completely get over what he had done to me, but I will go on. I did report him on cheaterville and if you Google his name that will come up on the first page. I also wrote a letter to his boss. I am not done with him yet, just not sure what I am going to do to him next.
Larae

November 16, 2013 at 4:47 pm

Omg I’m sooo sorry for wat happend if is was with u now I’d give u a hug
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:15 pm

It will be a great thing for both of you!

More-so for you I think though. It will allow you to clear your mind!

Left but still friends

November 2, 2013 at 11:13 am

My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. He suddenly told me he is no longer in love and wants to move on. It was my fault I guess for that to happen. I had the gut feeling he was seeing someone else. He waited for 2weeks before telling me he was interested in someone. Of which I already knew who. I had the feeling he was seeing her during those times he needed me. Was my ex trying to tell me he wasnt cheating? So now, those months passed. Me and my ex remained friends though almost no contact as he is afraid to make her gf jealous and her gf keeps monitoring his phone and facebook. I couldnt contact my ex then. Weeks from now they are moving in together. My ex keeps sharing stuff about them when we bump into each other. We work in the same place by the way. Over the 3 months, my ex and I have secretly went out to their hometown and got to talk about it. I dont want to believe he was cheating on me and he keeps telling me he doesnt want to mess this new relationship he found. I kept my cool. This might be our last month to see each other if their plans of moving out together pursues. I love him and do want him back. We’ve been bestfriends before lovers. He told me he misses me. But is committed with his new gf. I know stuff about rebounds, but what if it isnt? The fact I cant contact him gave me the advantage of the NC and I have been improving myself. Oh those once a month times we went out, sex happened but every after it, he goes back to the cold him once we get back to the city. Should I still be waiting or should I finally distance myself as it is to be presented? What if he doesnt come back?

admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Have you read my rebound page yet?
Left but still friends

November 3, 2013 at 1:26 am

Which one? Thought ive read almost everything here hehe
Left but still friends

November 3, 2013 at 1:40 am

Yeah i read it. I hope so it’s true. Waiting is really hard and patience is just a starter.
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Gotcha!

I have a new guide coming out that I think you will find interesting.
Left but still friends

November 3, 2013 at 11:33 pm

Ohh! I cant wait for that 🙂

Heather

October 31, 2013 at 2:36 pm

So I’ve been dating my ex bf for almost a year and we were together almost every single night, he would stay with me at my apartment, we couldn’t go to his house because his mother lived with him. I’m 28, he is 36. One night I decided to sneak through his phone and noticed a girls name in a text, when I opened the text it seemed like they were arguing about how she didn’t have a hickie and that he was the only guy she’s been with. Also he was upset about him not seeing her and how she never misses him. I was devistated- I had told him about my past and how I was hurt from an ex because he cheated. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t function the whole next day. I was always a great girlfriend to him- I cooked for him, washed his clothes he would leave over so he would have stuff to wear just in case he came over right after work, never got too clingy, made sure to satisfy him in every way possible. Anyways, I decided I was gonna keep cool and see if there were any other texts the next night. There were- this time it was about her borrowing money- $4,000 so she could put a bid in on a house! I was pissed!!! This time I made sure to take pics of the texts and get her phone number- and again- I couldn’t sleep all night. They next morning when I left for work I sent him a text telling him to get all his stuff and to never intend on coming back. While I was at work he called and texted me over and over again- I ignored. I was so hurt that I left work and decided to leave and drive 4 hours to a different state to my sisters house. When I got home all his stuff was still there- he didn’t take a thing of his. I decided to call him and ask him if he was talking to someone else- he said no and I told him to be honest- he said no again so I hung up on him and decided to call the girl in his phone. She was shocked that a year had gone by and she didn’t realize anything was up with him- she told me that he stayed the night at her place the week before and everything was fine between them. She also said they had been together for 7 years! On my way to my sisters house he kept calling and calling and wouldn’t stop, finally I answered and screamed at him while crying and never even let him get a word in. He kept saying “I’m sorry” and “that was not my intention” I just kept screaming. He kept asking me where I was going and I just kept saying it wasn’t his business. I hung up on him- he kept calling over and over again. I ignored. When I got to my sisters house I deleted him and all his family members off my social networks. I was so hurt I reacted out of madness and sent him A TON of mad texts. Last night I decided to text him- I couldn’t help it, I miss him so much even after what he did to me. He told me not to call or text him anymore and that he doesn’t need this drama in his life. Now he’s ignoring me and it’s killing me that he would do this to me when he knows I’ve already been hurt like this before. I’ve passed by his house the last 2 mornings on my way to work and his truck isn’t there but his other car is. I wanna try sooo hard to have no contact with him for the next 45 days but I’m afraid that he won’t even care or even try to get in contact with me before then. Please help 🙁

admin

October 31, 2013 at 8:17 pm

Keep staying in NC. Maybe you should take a different route home so youa ren’t tempted.

Also, may I ask why you want him back?
Heather

November 1, 2013 at 5:00 pm

I probably should take a different route, I just drive myself crazy wondering where he is when I pass by…

I love this man, I really shouldn’t want him back but I just can’t help my feelings for him. He understood me and I was always myself around him- never laughed more with anyone else. He is everything I’ve ever wanted (other then the cheating).

Everyone says I can do soo much better but I feel like even if I do see other people I won’t be able to control comparing them to him. I’m really just trying to focus on myself- I always look good but I just wanna look even better…
admin

November 1, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Thats the spirit. The attitude you need is exactly what you said there “I look good but I want to look even better.”
Heather

November 1, 2013 at 8:53 pm

😉

A mother

October 31, 2013 at 8:38 am

I met him through my work, I’d not long gotten out of a four year abusive relationship, I see myself as being a strong person, I got on with my life and had no intention of finding someone else. I wasn’t left hurting from the previous relations ship I was a huge relief! I could finally live my life and do what I wanted, I was larger than life! But no more than 6moths later I met this guy through my work, I was a career for the elderly and I met him at his grandads, he had quit his work to become his grandads full time career, my company’s job was to give him a hand in doing things like bathing as that could feel awkward for family members……anyway sorry rambling, I’d never met anyone like him before he was young (only a few years younger than me) he was 19 and I just 22 at the time. He had it all going for him with his engineering career but he dropped it all to take care of his family and it was an instant attraction, he also had this bad boy persona, he could talk the talk but not walk the walk and we got to know each other and we fell in love, 2 years in we got pregnant with twins but sadly lost them on Christmas day,it was heartbreaking which just made our bond even stronger, we got through and carried on with life but we got pregnant again! Money was tight but we were over the moon! He had been there through a lot with me I had a lot of illness resulting in a few short hospital stays and he was there everyday to see me through, I’d been in 2 car accidents and he was there to pick up the pieces as neither were my fault he dealt with everything, we were solid! Until it came to getting a place together for the baby coming, my labour was horrendous and left me with a very long recovery, baby actually came the day we had to move! We stayed with his parents a while so I could recover a little, his work had screwed him over, told him he was entitled to paid time off to be with me becoming a parent, to then find out near the end of those 2weeks that he wasn’t and went unpaid! He went back to work and worked all the hours so we could make ends meet but we still ended up having to borrow to pay the rent, he would then help me out because I could not walk or sit for very long and with a newborn I was exhausted but he ploughed on through to be there for us, but the longer we stayed in this place, we weren’t far from family and friends but far enough to not to be able to afford to visit, we were on our own, I was miserable my body wasn’t as it was and it was painful to be intimate with him for a very long time, he was tired for working all the hours slowly making himself I’ll, we had decided to move back into his parents just so we could be back on our feet…..ok so there’s the ground work
An old friend of his came back into light after she had been in a long and abusive relationship, and for lack of better word I felt for her as I had been through the same and knew how it felt. They rekindled their friendship and we became somewhat friends our baby was maybe four months old at the time but I began noticing shed call for help he would go running her absusive ex kept making an appearance I’d let him go because I wished that I had someone like that for me when I went through it.
But it became more and more often, we argued that he wasn’t spending enough time with us and I needed him to help me you know give me a break from our son as it were just so I could sit in the tub for an hour or just go shopping without the worry of baby in tow.
I came to stay with my mum for a few days so I should use her sewing machine to make stuff for the baby, during which time he had been unfaithful to me, with her, I knew he was becoming depressed and stressed as we’d been to the doctors to get him some help as day to day stuff was becoming harder and harder for him, I tried to be there for him but with the whole she called hed go running and with my baby I could hardly find the time for myself and we just argued constantly.
I began to feel that he was doing everything to avoid me and I was right, my gut feeling was right and he admitted to me that he had cheated on me which was why he was avoiding me because he felt so ashamed…..through all the stress and me being miserable through my recovery and him trying to provide everything for us, I felt I wasn’t the best partner I could have been causing his depression to sink even further, but my first priority was our son…… Anyway I still love him and I DO forgive him, it took me a couple of days to get it out of him but he said he doesn’t know how it happened it just did.
He is on medication and is awaiting on counselling, and I am living with my mum at the moment.
He says he doesn’t know what he wants is so very confused and ashamed, we parted company and in my mind it’s just to give him some space to sort himself out, I don’t know if he still loves me or not but he’s said that he’s been terrorfied of losing his son that I might take him away, I have assured him that I would not do that to our boy, or his family.
But I’m hurting so bad I want to go to him beg him to come back to us, is it too soon as all this has only come to light in the past couple of days? We still need to empty and divide our stuff from our home?
What do I do, is no contact the way to go. Give him the space to think? Give me the time to come to terms and may feel something other than want him back so so badly?
Please please please advice is greatly wanted and so so sorry for the longest post you will ever have

admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:49 pm

Give him space to think is what I vote.

I am sorry you are going through such a tough time but at this point pushing for something to happen is going to have the opposite effect that you want. Be patient!

And this is not the longest post so don’t feel bad hahaha :).

Happy Halloween.

Tiana

October 26, 2013 at 1:16 am

Ok so me and my ex were dating for 3 and a half years. Things were great but a year into the relationship his mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. A few months ago the doctors said that there was nothing else that they could do and that she didn’t have much time left. Now at the time I had insecurities and i will admit wasn’t being the best girlfriend. I fought with him alot about stupid things and never tried to sit and talk about his feelings regarding his mother(who he loves ALOT). So towards the beginning of september he calls me one night and tells me that its not gonna work out anymore and that we need to break up. I guess i thought that he would never leave me so this came as a complete shocker! I did everything that your not supposed to do, i got upset, cried, begged for him to come back, got mad and yelled at him, got depressed. A couple of days passed and i logged onto his facebook and figured out that he had actually cheated on me with his co-worker(they kissed) the day before he broke up with me. I was hurt and decided that i as done with him. But about a week later he calls me saying that he wants me back and that he made a mistake. I think that i was still very heartbroken and felt insecure over the situation so i instantly took him back which was a BIG mistake. After we got back together he would still text the girl. They never said anything that i would consider cheating but he knew i was uncomfortable with him contacting her outside of work but disregarded my feelings. We dated for two weeks and the whole time i felt miserable. I didn’t know if he was going to cheat again or what. So this time i ended things because i didn’t want a relationship like that. I decided to do the no contact rule this time but after a week he decided to message me again asking for me back again. this time i didn’t take him back because i wanted him to prove that this would never happen again. But his family has been having a rough time because they were forced out of their house and had to live with there cousins for a little bit. I still care about him so i let him stay at my house until his family found a house again. But while he was staying my house his mother passed away. This whole experience has been really hard for us both but seeing how he stepped up to help his family through this tough time really made me have deeper feelings towards him. But a few days ago i noticed that he was started to act weird again. and i also noticed that his coworker is texting him again saying how she wants to be with him now. And so yesterday we sat down and had a talk he told me how he doesn’t want to hurt me and thinks that he needs to be alone. With everything that has happened i think that that is understandable and can deal with that. But he also said that he doesn’t want me to be upset if he finds someone else. I don’t know if he did this because of the girl(he said he didn’t but he could have lied to not hurt my feelings), or not. I just don’t know if i should give up or if i should just wait it out and try again in the future(and im definetly doing the NC rule nomatter what!). Because through all of this i don’t think that he is a bad guy. Up until this point he hasn’t lied about anything. I think he is just confused and lost. I care about him and his family a lot. And i just wanna know if there is still hope or if it seems like this is the end of the road for us.

admin

October 26, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Yes of course there is hope!
Tiana

October 27, 2013 at 12:11 am

But hat if he tries to call to talk about his mother? should i still ignore him or listen to him? because i wanna be there for him but i also wanna distance myself as well
admin

October 27, 2013 at 10:11 pm

No, distance yourself if you are serious about NC.

This girl

October 24, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I was in a relationship for almost a year. I really helped this guy out. He was going nowhere but i still loved him because he treated me right and showed he cared alot for me. But he was pretty immature. Alot of ppl told me to dump him because he isnt going anywhere. He just got a job but i felt like i was moving on without him and i was going somewhere and making great choices. Unfortuanetly he makes really bad choices where he burns bridges with people. He lost my trust about 5 months into the relationship because he was talking to some girls online provactivly. He told me he would never cheat in a relationship sex wise. So i just pushed that behind me. About 8 months into the relationship he really messed up to the point i couldnt trust him anymore. He was saying lies to girls online(sex wise) and i was really hurt. He told me he messed up really bad and i couldnt forget that but i stayed with him anyways and tried to put it behind me cause i really loved him. Recently we got into an arguement about if things were ever gonna change now that he has a job and i just didnt believe so. Its been a whole year since ive know him ( even before we were dating)and he is still just as immature and not going far in life but i still loved him. He ended up cheating on me and broke up with me because he was really upset with one of our arguments. He set me a letter for me to not contact him. My friends tell me he isnt worth it because he lost someone really special and tht im going really far in life and he isnt and tha i deserve way better. I feel like im over him but i feel like i really want to talk to him and ask him y?? He said he would never mess up this relationship because i was going far in life and he wasnt so y would he mess this up jusy because he was upset?

admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Well, if you are over him but want to talk I don’t see the harm in talking to him.

Crushed heart

October 24, 2013 at 11:37 am

I know his cousin lives close to me & passes my house everyday. Yesterday I had a friend over to watch the world series game. Do you think he knows someone was here? His Facebook said “Missin her” this morning. Do you think it’s driving him crazy not to hear from me?

admin

October 24, 2013 at 8:10 pm

yes he def knows!

And yes I do.

Hurtingheart

October 19, 2013 at 7:33 pm

Hey Chris,
Oh boy where to begin!! First of all my boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years 3 of which he has lived with me. In May of this year we got into a huge blowup fight that led him to pack his stuff and move to a different state while I was at work. He was there for about 21/2 months before he returned back to me. From the moment I realized where he was I was calling, begging, crying, and stalking his Facebook constantly. He would go a few days then he would respond with things like its time to move on or you know this isn’t going to work…then the next day it’s I love you I miss you!!! There is a very significant age difference between him and I of 15 years and I contribute most of the problems we have to that because he’s very immature and quite frequently I find myself acting like his mother. Since he’s been back things were ok in the beginning but he hasn’t done any of the things he’s said he would do I when he got back like get a job for example!!! About 2 weeks ago we had another huge arguement that led to him FINALLY telling me the truth about a girl that I had suspected he’d cheated with about 6 months ago so I kicked him out!! Now I’ve asked myself why do I want this person who lies and cheats back and the answer is I really love him. Since I kicked him out I was mad for the first 2 days but then I started the crying, begging, calling constantly and acting psycho bc I’m scared to death of him finding someone else!! So I feel like I’ve given him control over me once again by doing all that. Last week he came to my house 3 nights in a row saying he loved me we just need space so he can get his stuff together and grow up, that he doesn’t want to have to depend on me. He said he wants to be able to provide and the only way to do that is to be on his own. He has since gotten a job so we will see. After the 3 days at my house we didn’t speak for a few days bc I was pressuring him to tell me what he wants! Then this week he was back at my house Monday night and all my friends are telling me it was purely for a booty call…part of me believes that but not entirely. We don’t have children together but we do have dogs together so I know that he will try to contact me about them at some point…I have never actually went longer than a few days without going crazy psycho and calling him…we last spoke via Facebook on Thursday night and it wasn’t good…there was a lot of name calling bashing each other and putting each other down…I blocked him from Facebook so he can’t message me anymore on there. So I guess I’m on day 2 of NC and it’s driving me crazy!!!! Sitting here wondering who he’s with what he’s doing and my mind usually goes to thinking he’s with another girl when in fact he’s not!!! I’m losing it slowly but surely and I’m typically a very strong person but not when it comes to this!!! I need your help!!!!!!!

admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Day 2 of NC and going crazy… yup seems pretty normal to me haha.

Have you read my article on the Ungettable Girl yet? That is what you need to be during NC.

Julie

October 19, 2013 at 1:00 pm

Hey!

I dont know how to start this but… last year I met this guy on some occasion. Fortunately his sister n I were friends but unfortunately she didn’t accept me as her brother’s choice (which I got to know little later.) Thought he was different, mature, and caring. We started doing healthy flirting and at the same night I dont know what happened to me I ended up calling him home. He just hugged me for 15 mins and went back. I was completely in love with his sweet gesture. I really never felt this way before… next day when I woke up we didn’t text to each other for sometime but he ended up doing so.. Somehow things were pretty clear for me I wanted him for the rest of my life. Not that I’ve never been in so called “love” before.. just that I knew that he’s the only one with whom I would love to wake up every morning..We kept meeting for few days and our R’ship grew but then he had to go back to his work. I just couldn’t help it. all I knew was he was coming back for me and for his family after few months for another occasion. Hoping for all good I wished him safe journey and our R’ship was still on. I dont know Why but he changed after a while. I tried everything for him.
* wasn’t possessive
* wasn’t IRRITATING
* called up only in need
* didn’t disturb him
but I was in touch with him via texts. I was really controlling myself. I never wanted to push myself on him, never wanted to force him for anything… but he kept changing.. his behavior changed the only thing which didn’t change was his way of saying “I love you” and our “I love you more fights”.. The only thing which kept this R’ship on for a longer period of time… he came back to India and I was as happy as i could ever be.. I was happy to call him my man n thought he’s too.. But he got busy.. I dont know for what and why but he was. hoping every day n every night to meet him peacefully I was pushing myself into false hopes MORE AND MORE. I should have know that he got over from me. he came to my place to meet me one night letting me know that he still cares. And I believed his words and thought that he still loves me. Few days later he was ready to flew back to the U.S. and i was confused with my R’ship status. How can u not find time for the one you love the most? Hoping for the best I wished him a safe journey again but trust me I was crying deep inside.. I wanted to love this person and wanted the same love in return. I knew that it was about to get over sooner or later and one day it happened.. I just messaged him randomly saying “I’m sorry but u were the best thing happened to me till date!”.. He blocked me!! HE NEVER CALLED UP TO ASK WHAT WENT WRONG!! It was just me now!! all alone!! I told everything to his sister and my friend and got know that he was dating 2 more girls but felt happy at least he didn’t love any of us… Otherwise he wouldn’t have done that..
He’s coming back to India in 10 days days.. I dont know what went wrong with this relationship. I still care for him and want to know whats in his mind.

HELP!!

admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:48 pm

So… how long have you been in NC for?
Julie

October 21, 2013 at 5:21 am

I know I am gonna sound stupid but we were in a r’ship for four months.. I so wanted to continue.. but things got worse and ended sadly.. 🙁
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:33 am

You don’t sound stupid at all. Why do you say that?
Hurtingheart

October 20, 2013 at 1:36 am

I posted a comment but it says awaiting moderation???!
admin

October 20, 2013 at 8:47 pm

Yes I have to moderate each comment personally b/c I get a lot of spam.

Emelie

October 18, 2013 at 7:44 pm

lived together for 4 years, fought a lot about silly things towards the end, met a girl at his work, cheated on me with her, we broke up, he continued seeing her, do I stay in no contact, I am afraid of them growing closer while I am out of the picture. I have been in nc for abut 4 days, I know this man loves me, it just got to be too much, NEVER would have imagined he’d cheat, you have to take my word for it, he is worth getting back, I have made mstakes as well as kissing someone else earlier this year, he forgave me, and I forgive him I just want another chance, we have been through everything together, what do I do? do I stay in nc? what about her? does that ruin my chances, we have history together but she is brand new?

admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Happens a lot now-a-days doesn’t it? Fighting over silly things.

At this point stay NC.

I think it should be HIM ruining his chances to get YOU back and not the other way around personally.
Emelie

October 18, 2013 at 7:57 pm

also, he lied for weeks about the whole situation saying he wasn’t seeing her and that hed want to work on things with me, and eventually I found out he lied and he admitted he was seeing her, I want to have a good shot but I fear I have already made so many desperate attempts I am embarrassed about now, I want to better myself and go for whom I love because I want a chance to fix what I didn’t even know that was in danger of falling apart, I miss him but I don’t want it to blow up in my face because of the other girl, who doesn’t even believe he cheated on me because he lied to us both, I am shocked my whole family and his is as well this isn’t like him, we just argued too much and I agree the stress killed feelings but dies that justify going on dates with another woman behind my back and coming home to me? he even said its not cheating because he was unhappy, I couldn’t vbelieve it, he must have been acting for months, this guy has been there for me through some major events in my life, healthwise and other things, supported us, planned to get married, and then he is out with a new gf a DAY after he tells me about her, idk what to do, I want to try to salvage some semblance of something, I believe life is too short to grow to care about people and where they go in life, to just cut them out of it for good…… I m sorry for how long this is and the leaving out of dtails. what it boils down to is the nc rule, and how scary it is to think of him growing close to her, because when he is happy he is a great bf.. idk why he would leave her for me, if he wouldn’t even stop seeing her to be with me, I wrote a more detailed account on your fb.. thank you, God bless, Emalie.
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:41 pm

I will get back to you later on Facebook 😉
Emelie

October 19, 2013 at 9:11 pm

Thanks =)
Lauren

August 28, 2014 at 9:39 pm

Nooo i was so looking forward to this response Chris, because I am in the same exact situation!!! HELP ME!
admin

August 29, 2014 at 12:03 pm

Ok, give me more deets 🙂
Lauren

August 29, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Ok so long story short, we went on a break, and we were very serious before that planning to move in together and everything and talking about the future.

I think it may have scared him a bit, hence the break. So we go on a break, and we’re still seeing each other, but then we decide it’s better to not talk for a little bit, so we don’t for a week. After a week he calls me up and tells me he met some girl at a bar, she is 21. He’s almost 27, and I am 24. He tells me that he wanted to see where things go with her and that he still loves me but is confused and doesn’t know what he wants. He basically broke up with me.

However, then I met up with him to talk and I kept my cool, didn’t cry, I did however, tell him he’s immature, a coward, and not ready for commitment if he would mess around with or date a 21 year old girl when he has a mature 24 year old woman. He kept trying to hold my hand and get me to look at him but I was looking away because I was so mad. Eventually I let him say what he wanted, he said that the girl was crazy and that there’s no future with her and he’s going to stop talking to her but we were still not back together.

We left on pretty good terms, he kept kissing my forehead and holding my hand and stuff. Then he went away for the weekend and so did I, I kind of gave him a little bit of the cold shoulder, waiting a while to respond to his texts and not giving him much when I did. He was texting me ALL weekend “babe laur babe i miss you babe talk to me laur I wanna see you” etc.. I did not cave… until Sunday i agreed to hangout, where he told me I looked very happy and it was extremely attractive to him that I was fine and happy. He told me again, he wanted to stop talking to that girl and she’s crazy and obsessed with him, etc.

At one point later in the night, I got upset and told him again how he needs to grow up and stop messing around. Then the next day we hung out again, it went so well and I really thought we were making progress. The next day after that he did not respond to my text. Then the day after that (This past wednesday) he texted me saying “Sorry, I think we should slow it down and be apart for a bit” I said “ok sorry you feel that way” and he said “I just don’t want to hurt you or lead you on. And I’m seeing Kait sooo.. not two timing anyone.”

But wait a second, didn’t he already, hurt me and lead me on multiple times? And he already WAS two timing by seeing her and me at the same time. I gave him a chance to redeem himself after he “cheated” during our break thinking he would regret it and he acted like he did but then he chose her anyway.

I said “Please pack up my clothes, dvds, and ipad, and I will be there at 915 to pick it up” He said “that’s too late I have plans tonight, I can meet up earlier or tomorrow night” I said “ok 715 then” he said “yeah that works” then when I was almost at his house he texted me saying “Hey your stuff is in a bag in the passenger seat of my car in front of my house, if you have anything of mine you can leave it in there thanks”

So what was the point of changing the time so that he would be home if he wasn’t planning on physically handing it off to me? I don’t get it.

Anyway, I know that this girl is a rebound and he’s using her as a crutch and a way to stay young because all she cares about is drinking and partying, and he’s not ready to grow up.

I know i deserve better than the way he’s acted, but I know that deep down in there is the guy I fell in love with who wanted to grow up and move forward and I just feel like he needs to have a turnaround moment and I am hoping that when this girl starts driving him crazy and the “relationship” fizzles out, that he will come back to me.

I just don’t even know what to think right now and what he was thinking when he chose a 21 year old bar girl over his serious long term relationship.
admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:04 pm

Classic commitment phobe. The serious commitment probably freaks him out.
Lauren

September 2, 2014 at 1:23 pm

That’s what I thought.

So there’s nothing I can really do then, right? Clearly, I can’t force him to commit and grow up until he decides himself that he wants to.

So 30-45 day no contact? What if he doesn’t contact me at all? I feel like in this case I shouldn’t be the one to make the first contact. Tell me what you think…
Lauren

September 3, 2014 at 2:55 pm

I realize I attempted to answer my own question, but I still need your approval or whatever you suggest, please!
admin

September 4, 2014 at 11:53 am

30 days yes Lauren! 🙂
Lauren

August 29, 2014 at 3:10 pm

Also I never responded to that text about my stuff being in his car. I left two of his shirts and the Tiffany’s necklace he got me for Christmas on top. Right now we are not in contact at all. What should I do? Just stay in NC and if the 30-45 days goes by and not a word from him, should I even bother trying to talk to him? Because he could be with that girl still and I wouldn’t know. I feel like in this case with the cheating and such, the ball is in his court.

Beverly

October 16, 2013 at 5:00 am

I don’t know what I’m doing. I have been on and off with my best friend for six years. The way the relationship began was sneaky and then I fell in love and pressured him into a relationship. He ended it but after a few years we couldn’t be separated. We have this excitement and have been so close and know eachother better than anyone knows us, but he could never seem to lose this habit he started of being sneaky and cheating. He told me there is no excuse but after some time he just felt like it was “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” and he didn’t want to lose me and became a coward. We are broken up now and both of our families encourage it because they say it’s no longer healthy. I feel judged by his family for trying to go back as many times as I did. We have never successfully had no contact. Especially for 45 days. That has NEVER happened. He still talks about if it may workout in the future but that he needs to be alone to work out his demons. I feel the same way about me because I have never healed and have always held things over his head. I want to heal and forgive and revive my confidence. I’m just heartbroken that I’m losing my best friend. I can’t tell if I’m doing or thinking anything right. We cut contact yesterday which was almost a month after our breakup because we decided we are just holding on and not helping the situation. I know he has hung out with the girl he cheated on me with and says it is nothing and he is not looking for a relationship. I’ve had my embarrassing freak outs but in the end I know that I reached a breaking point. Somehow I still have hope for the future. Not the near future but it’s all I can think about. He’s not abusive or anything and he was very sweet. I think he just need to be alone and get some shit out before settling. Idk.

admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:56 am

You are spot on. Give him some space for a while and keep the focus on you!

Crushed heart

October 13, 2013 at 3:54 pm

Help. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 1/2 yrs. I realize now I had been pushing him away since my dad passed away over a year ago. I know I neglected him mostly in the bedroom. So when he started to drift I started to want to go to his house & he was resisting. He is 39 & I’m 36. One night he said he needed space. I found out he had a 24 girl & her son move in with him when her house burnt down.
The 1st time I saw her in his house I tried to fight her & my boyfriend called the cops on me bc I didn’t want to leave. So then she started calling me & threatened me so I asked her if I could squash this between me & her bc it’s his fault. She ended up telling she knew all about me & she wasn’t his reason. She did tell me she was using him for a place to stay & she he was too old for her & gross.
He told me that things started to get serious w her. But he crys to me bc he still loved & cares for me. We had so many plans together some I didn’t want then I want now. I tried to tell him i want the same things now & I wouldn’t neglect him if he gives me a second chance & I can’t blame him for doing what he did but I’m ready for him to be real sorry & come back home to me.
He talked to one of our really good friends & said he is having fun right now going out drinking a lot & stuff that he didn’t do w me and needs space to figure things out.
I can’t let go of him my whole life revolved around him people that know us say we acted like we were married. I’ve tried to do the NC about a 100 times but I’m having a hard time I’m afraid this girl has been competing against me for awhile now & has won. I tried to tell him that she is using him. I’m also concerned bc her last boyfriend that burnt her house she tried to kill & cut him up real bad so she is on probation now.
When I talked her she was acting like a friend & said he isn’t wanting space he just doesn’t want to be w me. She suggested to give him an ultimatum. I think she gave him an ultimatum at one of mine & his weaker moments & got him.
I want him back so bad I’m ready to be a better girlfriend. I’ve told him he turned me into the spoiled bitch I was so its his fault too. I’ve actually begged him to take me back. I think he wants to when he talks to me. It’s been 2 weeks since we broke up & I’m going crazy over this. He knows how much I love him & I know he still really cares about me. I know if we got back together I will put more effort & he knows it would work. Help what more can I do? It makes me crazy to give him space w her bc I know she’s clouding his judgement & has been for awhile
Please help,
Crushed

admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:48 pm

You have tried NC 100 times…

Ok, when I talk about NC I mean going a full 30 days without a slip up. Have you done that?
Crushed heart

October 15, 2013 at 1:59 am

I haven’t tried the NC. It’s so hard. Do you think it would still work? I did everything you said not to do. I wrote him a letter putting my feelings out there. I even told his sister about the girl trying to kill her ex. The longest I went without no text or calls was about a day. Will it still work with him playing house with that girl & her son. I think she just likes him bc he is generous w spending money on his girlfriend. I’m scared she may try to trap him & get pregnant by him if he tries to come back to me.
Please help
Crushed
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:32 am

Absolutely I do. I mean, I can’t guarantee anything but it can work very very well.

If she traps him with the pregnancy thing that won’t go over too well and she would have to be really psycho to do that.
Crushed heart

October 21, 2013 at 4:17 am

So I have been giving him space and just watching him on Facebook. I know he doesn’t like sharing his space with her & she is getting mad at him real easy. I have to admit that I think he regrets what he did after reading his Facebook posts. I told him an ex boyfriend he was jealous of that lives close by has been driving past my house for years waiting for no extra car in my driveway & now that he doesn’t see his car he’s been blowing up my phone, but I haven’t responded. Now my most recent ex has been trying to come over to take care of me in the bedroom. He says he still wants to be friends. Today is day 1 without talking to him & trying to call him. So do I respond if he text me or calls me? He called me yesterday when I didn’t call him. Or just keep it short & sweet when I talk to him. Based on Facebook he tries to run to me a little when things aren’t good w him & his new girlfriend. Do I ignore him or play the same game she did to get my man back?
Help please.
Crushed
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:32 am

If you are serious about NC you will not contact him OR respond to him.

Nats12

October 13, 2013 at 12:03 pm

We have been in a relationship for 9 years and also have a child
DZ

October 11, 2013 at 9:37 am

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend broke up, because we were both looking different at our future. We were in a long distance relationship and are both from different cultures. Later I figured out that he cheated on me. We ended up in a big fight because he don’t want to admit his mistakes. Now he don’t want to talk to me anymore..
I am not sure if I want him back, but I just want a normal conversation with him about what happened between us. I really love this guy and i know that there are a lot of things going on in his life that make him act like this, so I just want to talk with him. What is the best thing I can do now? I was thinking about writing him a email, but don’t know if that is such a good idea..

admin

October 11, 2013 at 6:27 pm

At this point back off and text him after a NC period.
DZ

October 12, 2013 at 11:25 am

What should I text him after the NC peroid? Should I talk about the fight?
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:32 pm

NOOOO read this page: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/ or the ebook for that info.

Midge

October 7, 2013 at 2:28 am

Hi, I really need some help. My boyfriend of 5 years has recently confessed he cheated on me on holiday. He is saying he doesn’t love me how he should if he can do this.

I know he still fancies me (although I’m sure she’s beautiful), I’m just so upset.

I was great to sit at with. Told him fine, it’s over etc.

But I contacted him again via text stupidly and humiliated myself. Now he’s barred my number.

I know I was upset and desperate. I didn’t threaten him, I just asked him what could I do to get him back…

Now he’s still on holiday. No doubt with her.

I’m going the NC rule. He is so stubborn tho. He most certainly won’t reach out to me. And I’m terrified if I do first after NC that he will reject me again

why do I want him back? Because he was my world. And for a while there I was his.

admin

October 7, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Did he tell you why he cheated on you?
Midge

October 12, 2013 at 8:35 am

No, we had had some petty arguments but thats it. He was in love with me 4 weeks ago (Alot I yhought), and know he says he is seeing this girl.

I just don’t get it.

He fancies me, he says he loves my body when we are naked etc. He likes me, says I’m funny and clever and he thinks I’m too hood gor him.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:30 pm

Hahaha he loves your body when you are naked for some reason that made me laugh.

Sound strange for him to have a sudden change of heart doesn’t it.
Midge

October 18, 2013 at 7:08 pm

I emailed you a thank you too. X
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Just an FYI I don’t answer emails much anymore so if you want to reach me just friend me on Facebook.
Midge

October 18, 2013 at 6:46 pm

You know it. 😉 Thanks for cheering me up. X
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:33 pm

No problem!
Midge

October 17, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Result! Did I mention I’m funny. And pretty 😉
admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Funny and Pretty! A killer combination.
Midge

October 17, 2013 at 8:01 am

I’m glad you agree. So you single? 😉
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Currently.. yes I am!
Midge

October 16, 2013 at 5:54 pm

I don’t think there’s much hope for anything else? I don’t want to keep putting myself in front of an emotional freight train. So the prick can bowl over me.

They guy that can do that to a woman he loved is a bit of a dick right?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:15 am

Hes a total jerk.
Midge

October 15, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Yeah, he said ‘I’m in contact with this girl, move on, forget about me. There’s nothing left’

was quite shitty actually, and I don’t know why. I haven’t harassed him. I think he’s just an angry young man and I remind him of his guilt and wanker-ness!

I think he thought I’d beg for him back so got in first. Fool.

I don’t understand how he just stopped liking me overnight especially after such a long relationship. But he has. He really has.

If it hadn’t been this girl, this time, it would of been another one.
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:40 am

Wanker-ness I like that hahah that made me laugh.

Do you just want to move on from him?
Midge

October 13, 2013 at 10:38 pm

It is strange. Nail in coffin today. He says there’s no feelings left and he wants to move on with new girl.

That’s that then.
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:26 am

Did he say something to you 🙁
Midge

October 12, 2013 at 8:36 am

Sorry for autocorrect. I can spell I promise 😛

cicco di risso

October 5, 2013 at 4:50 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m very glad to have found your site. My question might seem a little too late to ask but an advise from you would really make a lot of difference and will do me a lot of help. I had been in a relationship for almost 11 years. And was bound to be married last year. My ex-fiance lived together with my family in another country for almost 1 year and a half, during those times and just 5 months before our wedding i found out that he was cheating on me with his colleague (a single mom). It almost drove me insane when I found it out. My mom tried to fix the situation for us, but to cut the story short he wasn’t cooperative and still continued seeing the other woman. Until one day, I just can’t take it anymore as I was about to loose myself. That same day he did not come home on time. I told myself it doesn’t seem to be working ( i gave up) so I packed his things and left it outside our house. When he arrived he asked my mom why we we’re doing that and I said he’s free to go wherever he wants to. And that’s what exactly he did, he left and lived with the other woman from that moment on.
He and I are having the same circle of friends and share the same hobby. And just 2 months after our split he started bringing / showing his girlfriend to our friends and one of my relatives who’s in the same circle. It really shattered my broken heart. His family seemed to have accepted the incident lightly. When I had the chance to speak to him about it, he doesn’t seem to care at all. There was no remorse or regret on his part and the girlfriend is really acting obnoxiously and spitefully when she sees me which is really over the top.
Now I’ll really admit that there’s a part of me that still longs for the past, despite of all the pain i went through. I feel like there’s no more second chance in this condition.
I really look forward to hearing your advise. 🙂

Thanks.

Cicco

admin

October 6, 2013 at 1:23 am

An 11 year relationship WOW!

So, I guess I have a question for you. What is it you are looking for? Do you want him back or do you just want to move on?
cicco di risso

October 8, 2013 at 8:01 pm

Hi Chris,

Yes,11 years and at this point if were to follow my heart I want him back.

BR,

Cicco
admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:18 am

Then I think you should go all out to get him back (in a smart way of course.)

Obviously nothing is guaranteed here but as long as you do everything you can you will be able to go to bed fulfilled at night.

brokenangel

October 5, 2013 at 4:13 am

So basically i can not do the no contact rule what so ever. my bf was cheating on me he denies it but i found out plus he talks less to me now and seems bored started ending conversations earlier etc. I know i love him and want him back i realized my mistake that i would become insecure and blame or assume too much i havent been honest with him at times either (not sex or anything just lying that hes an old friend while flirting with a stranger..) i want to change and fix everything will it be okay if i let him know i love him and need him we both made mistakes lets talk it out..?

admin

October 5, 2013 at 11:59 pm

Ok, but is there any specific reason why you can’t do it?

Jessica

October 1, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Hi Chris:

Like everyone here, I’m glad to have found your website. Even if him and I end up with nothing, I hope at least reading through this will help me feel better in the short term.

Please can I get your opinion on my situation too?

My ex boyfriend and I were together from first year of university up till just when we turned 24 two weeks ago (our birthdays are very close together). It was both our first serious relationship. We’d been together for 4.5 years. I’d started working two years ago, but he only started a month ago as he was in law school training to be a corporate lawyer. Before he started work he went on an across Asia trip. On the first part of the trip he was on the Trans Siberian express, where he met a 29 year old, married french woman as one of the people in the tour group. As soon as he came back he started to want to move out (he’d been living at my flat and we had planned to live together), and said that he felt a lot of pressure in the relationship. I also noticed that he was talking to this french woman a lot, and he was being secretive.

Anyway long story short, I found out that he went to Paris two weekends ago, and spent the entire weekend with her, and they slept together in the hotel. He had told me he was going to Belgium with a friend instead. Anyway, after I found out, we talked and I asked him whether he still wanted to be with me, and he kept saying he doesn’t know what he wanted and I should move on. So we split up.

For the next 2 weeks, we texted occasionally, mainly about his work. He did tell me he missed me. However I then told his parents what he did, as I was hoping they could either get a definitive answer out of him or stop him from seeing that woman. Last weekend, I phoned him again, and he hung up on me after a few rings (which he has never done before – even after we broke up he would always take my call or call me straight back). So I then realised that his parents must have had spoken to him (as his parents weren’t answering my calls either), and either he was very angry that I’d spoken to his parents, or that his parents told him he needed to stop speaking to me in order to end the relationship properly (so at least I finally got a definitive answer).

Since then I have not heard anything from him. I am now worried that he will never contact me/speak to me again. I’m afraid if I ever try to contact him again, even if it is just to be friends, he will not because of what his parents said or him continuing to be angry with me. After a while he will care about me even less and will not be bothered with me.

I know he is young and this is quite normal for young guys to not want to settle down, especially since he just started a very fancy, very highly paid, albeit incredibly tiring, busy and highly stressful job. He is also quite good looking and do attract a lot attention. So do you think there is no chance of NC working or him ever wanting to contact me again? I’ve come to accept the reality of him not wanting to get back together, but the idea he will never want to speak to me again (in the next few months or so) is quite upsetting as we were very very close for 4.5 years.

When we started dating he had little confidence (as he was not as good looking before and felt insecure as his academic background and degree was not considered as “prestigious” as mine) and kind of “looked up” to me or really needed me (he was initially fairly clingy), and I indirectly influenced him to be more ambitious and thus helped/encouraged/supported him to get that top law job. But now that he has had a taste of freedom on that one month trip away, and has gained ALOT of confidence due to attention from girls (he was also approached to be a model once), he seems to want a different type of girls now. Personally I am OK looking, and we shared a lot of common tastes, and I come from a good background/good university/degree and have a good job in finance (he can be a little snobby about these things). So I thought I suited him, but my parents say at this stage of his life he wants the type of women who are more “exciting” and “sexy”.

So I guess that means there is no coming back from that? Or is there anything to be salvaged out of it? I wish he’d spoke to me about this before so I could have done something to address those issues he had. But he changed so quickly and so coldly, that it was just a complete mind fcvk. I couldn’t understand. Before he went on to this trip he seemed really dedicated and we were planning our whole future together. But as soon as he came back from his trip he was cold and distant. And the way we ended was cold too.

admin

October 2, 2013 at 1:23 am

NC usually works but even if he doesn’t contact you, you can contact him.

I am sorry that this is all happening to you. It has to really suck.

My quesiton to you is pretty simple. Why specifically do you want him back?
Jessca

October 2, 2013 at 8:19 am

I guess I just don’t want him to be out of my life because I have invested 4 years. And because for those 4 years (when he needed me I guess) he was always there for me, and he treated me very well. And last year when I was having a lot of trouble at work, he was there to comfort me and to make sure I was OK. It is hard to get my head around how he could change so quickly, so I keep thinking that maybe one day he will remember and that even though he could be so cold now, he must have had some genuine feelings in those 4 years – that is way too long a time for it to have meant nothing to him (I keep hoping anyway).

NC might have worked before when we first broke up and before I told his parents what happened, because when I didn’t contact him he did contact me instead. But now after I told his parents he may have just ended up hating me. Either that or he is very determined not to speak to me again. – this is what I am worried about – I am worried/scared that after 1/2 months when I do contact him he will hang up again, and we will have ended up on such bad terms. From everything to nothing.
admin

October 3, 2013 at 1:02 am

Well, let me ask you this? What are you doing right now? Are you calling him/texting him too much? Is he responding to your texts the way you want him too?

If not then something definitely has to change in order for you to give yourself the best chance to succeed.

Cindy

September 27, 2013 at 2:34 pm

If the breakup happened, an awful argument insued and a lot of hurtful words spoken, should I offer an apology before the no contact period for my own conscience sake?

admin

September 28, 2013 at 3:03 am

I don’t think it can hurt!
Cindy

September 27, 2013 at 2:43 pm

One other question… I have read so much about narcissism… how do we really know if someone is that way, or if they are just responding to our inappropriate behaviour on our part and/or boredom on theirs that you speak about in your book? I am trying to be ever so careful to not be pointing an unreasonable finger here.

Thanks so much.
admin

September 28, 2013 at 3:05 am

I think if someone always plays the victim or if someone is deliusonal about the fact that part of the relationship failing is their fault you may be a little narcissitic.

But I do also think that everyone has a little narcissism in them.

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