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Naty
April 11, 2016 at 6:40 pm
Hi,
first of all, let me tell you, your site really is the best, and believe me I’ve read tons of them lately..Anyway, I’ll try to keep this short, but explain my situation well, because I really need opinion of someone who’s not personally involved..
So I’ve been with this guy (he’s 30, I’m 23, though age didn’t seem to be a problem, he’s not planning family yet or so..) for not even two months, and we weren’t really dating, but I still feel like he is my ex cause he ended it with me. Since we’ve met we spend every day texting over texts or fb and everything went great..but we only met for 3 times. The reason he gave for not wanting to meet me more often was, that he doesn’t want a relationship right now, but if I give him time it could be different. I had tough time dealing with it, but agreed, cause I really liked him a lot, and he said he likes me too, but doesn’t want to force it. But after the second time we met (it was sometime after 1,5 month) he became distant. The date was kind of awkward..we didn’t know how to act around each other. Once again he told me, he likes me, doesn’t want to hurt me, but can’t let me get too close. A week after that (during which we met again, this time it was fun, and not awkward and during which he talked to me much less than before) he texting me in night, a little drunk I would say, that he can’t be a guy for me and I deserve someone better. We also called, and he told me he has troubles in his life and doesn’t want me to get involved, but didn’t say anything concrete. I tried to convince him, that it doesn’t matter, and asked him if he thinks there is no chance we could ever be together, and he said no. After that I tried to get some explanation from him, because it didn’t make sense to me..he just repeated, that it’s not because he doesn’t like something about me, it’s that it is not a good idea for me to be with him. We were even supposed to meet, but he cancelled, and the next day texted me it’s really over and I should forget about him. After that I went no contact, but I’m ashamed to admit, I broke it after 16 days and texted him, that I’m sorry for being clingy at the end, and pushing him to relationship he didn’t want, that now I see he doesn’t want to be with me, and that I believe that when someone likes someone enough, they don’t let anything be in their way, but I’m not that person for him, and I get it. Wished him all well and to find someone who’ll make him happy. At this point, I gave up on getting him back..and it was supposed to end it for me. But I realised I still want him back and went no contact again (2 weeks now). He replied to that message 3 days later, saying thank you for the wish, and wish you all the best. (english is my second language, sorry for mistakes..) So..do you think I have a chance with him? Other than the reply he didn’t contact me at all, and I don’t know if he has someone new. I’m working really hard on myself, even go to therapy to really pull myself back together (I realised I really need some confidence, I was always worried he would cheat on me, even though he doesn’t seem to be cheater). And one last thing, a gf of 1,5 year broke up with him about 2 months before we met..were I a rebound? He never talked about her, but still..
Thank you so much for reply
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 10:27 am
Hi Naty,
yes, it looks like you are rebound.. Move on from him.. it’s better that he decided to move on by himself instead of using you.. Continue to be productive for yourself… if it’s tje right time someday, and you somehow got in touch then at least by then you’ll be more mature and
Jen
April 8, 2016 at 9:17 pm
Hi. I’m sorry that this is going to be long, I just want to give as many details I can to explain my situation.
My boyfriend broke up with me after 6.5 years together (we have known each other for 8.5 years). We were living together for about 6 years and now have 3 cats together which we both call our children.
One day he came home from a bachelor-weekend-party and said he is leaving home. He said he was unhappy for a long time. He said I deserve someone who will want to marry me and will want to be at home with me (he was barely at home – working a lot and going out with friends). He also said that he loves me as a person but is not in love with me anymore. And that he hates being in our bed. (We had sex related issues – It wasn’t enough for him and I understood and tried to be more active but for some time now he was telling me a lot that he is tired when I tried to make a move – on other days he was very into me and initiating the sex). He also had issues with me not going out with him and his friends – which I started doing on weekends since I realised it was important to him.
He left almost 5 weeks ago. For the first week I’ve tried to talk to him and convince him to come back, he said he made his decision and I need to respect it. And even if he is making a mistake it is his mistake to make.
After that I stopped contacting him.
Since then he has been contacting me once a week – Weirdly enough each time after I post a “happy” picture of myself. First time he texted me to let me know he will come to pick his stuff so I will know not to be at home (even though he knows I’m at work at that time). After he did that he texted me again saying he didn’t take everything and will do so till the end of the week (2 weeks later and he still didn’t). Than a week later he texted me we need to arrange internet payments, I said I can’t deal with that emotionally right now and that he can do whatever he wants about it. Didn’t get any response and until today he didn’t mention it again and didn’t do anything about it.
Since then I decided to do the No Contact. So 8 days later which is today he sent another text asking if I got any mail for him. I didn’t reply (Sticking to NC) he sent another text saying he’s waiting for something urgent explained what it was and honestly it makes no sense to me. Plus wouldn’t it be easier for him to get to the apartment while I’m at work to check if there’s any mail than texting me about it if he wants out of the relationship and if it is that urgent? I’ll say again that everytime I get a text is after I post a happy picture of myself on FB and Instagram. Maybe a coincidence, but 3 times?!
I’m just really confused. On one hand he says he doesn’t love me anymore on the other hand he is the one sending texts. If he wants me out of his life why not to take care of everything there is regarding the apartment and just disappear?
I really want him to come back. But I’m not sure what’s going on in his head.
Thank you for reading it. I hope I’ll get a reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 9:49 am
Hi Jen,
because every pic shows the you he wants you to be.. it’s bittersweet because both of you should have just talked about that and he should accept who you are.. it looks like he’s an extrovert and you’re an introvert.. it’s ok to compromise..but he should know that..keep on being active during no contacy for yourself.. if he wants you back, take it slow and let him work for it
leyla
April 8, 2016 at 9:51 am
hey ppl! i have quite a similar story like yours but the thing is that it was my fault i should have listened to my boyfriend when he told me not to tell anyone, and when i did he broke up with me and is not talking to me and this practically happened like yesterday. so im feeling very sad without him. i cant help it coz he was such a gr8 guy…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hi Leyla,
not to tell what?
Julia
March 29, 2016 at 5:31 pm
Hey, first of all sorry for my bad english, but i got in to a very hard situation. My boyfriend decided to leave me, it happened like a month ago. We were together 2,5 years. His explanation was: ,,I lost this magic feeling and i think its not going to work, I love you but not like I should love my girlfriend”… That just killed me inside out… I saw that he has problems at work… After that he left his job and his innitial idea is to go to live and study masters in Mexico… You know, its not like we are 20 years old and can make radical decissions in our lifes, but both of us we are same age, 29… We still have to live together and its a big nightmare seeing him packing all his stuff and sending back home… After we broke up he was getting angry about a situation is his company and he made me cry lots lots of times, being very mean to me, and hes gone completely mental, also from a hard working guy he became just lazy and calling sick all the times… Since maybe a week ago I decided to put a mask on and just try to be cold blooded, ill be leaving the flat in few days and after that im not gonna contact him…and he is leaving soon after. Worst thing that i do really love him and i dont understand how he made this decision, if he ever regret about it and if there is a chance to have him back???
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 6:13 am
Hi Julia,
Do you want to try nc?
Karen
March 22, 2016 at 9:31 am
Hey EBR team, this is gonna be long. My bf of 4 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I had no contact with him for already 17 days now (when we had contact, I didn’t beg or plea whatsoever — we just discussed about the reason he broke up with me). We knew each other for 6 months and we were on LDR, but everything went so fast because he and I were having a good feeling about us. Despite the short period of time we’ve been together and there are some issues that we needed to work out on, it was a serious relationship because he and I have the same direction (I.e. Towards marriage and having a family, we talked a lot about that). He was with me for 2 weeks and left around a week before break up. Right on the day when he left, he asked for a time off because he felt something wrong about the relationship. Although I was so sad about that, I agreed and let him alone (so basically we haven’t really talk for 1 month other than about the break up itself). He contacted me after around a week off, and the reason of him breaking up with me was because he got this gut feeling that it won’t work out between us. He also mentioned that it was so intense when we were together but he didn’t really give me a hard explanation on his decision. The break up was rather amicable, we both cried and said thanks and sorry and wished each other good luck in life. I really don’t know what to do… But I know that I want him back…
Karen
April 2, 2016 at 5:32 am
Hi Amor, thanks for replying.
Well, to me it was too fast but not to blame him, he himself started everything so fast – he knew he liked me just after a few days talking, he fell in love with me before we were in an official relationship and he said that he loved me first after around a month in a relationship.
I feel like I was dragged in his pace, I thought that’s what he wanted. It’s rather slow on my end tho! But now I’m left in despair.
I feel better now. I accept that we broke up. But everyday I miss him. I want him back because I think what we had was great and we could have a great future together. But at the same time I also want to honor his request not to have contact and heal our own wounds for the time being.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 5:49 am
HI Karen,
maybe he got that feeling because things were moving too fast..HOw are you now?
Bianca
March 20, 2016 at 9:27 pm
Hi- Quick question/advice
My ex and I have had a roller coster relationship for the last two years and have broken up numerous times. Every time that happens I go into NC and he always ends up texting or calling within a week or two
Now he had been saying I nag too much (rightfully so, he’s been going out often with friends) and after we both couldn’t take it any longer, I ended it with him saying I will move on as he is doing. That was two weeks ago and since then I have heard nothing. I posted a cute pic of me and my girlfriends last week on FB and he consequently deleted me off his friends. I miss him terribly. does this sound like it’s officially over? I am remaining in NC
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 8:47 am
Hi Bianca,
well, he most likely knows it became a pattern so it’s not working for just two weeks anymore, try to finish 30 days this time first…then initiate after if he doesn’t
Vanessa
March 19, 2016 at 1:01 am
Hello,
I hope you are doing well. I really need your advise and insight into my situation.
I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago. I love him with all my heart though. We had been in a serious relationship for about 9 months and in December last year, he proposed.
He started changing in the middle of January this year. He started ignoring me and my messages because he was having problems in all areas of his life. I tried to be understanding and gave him space on the matter because he said that we would talk about it when we meet again. We live 4 hours away from each other so we don’t see each other often.
But each time I talk about meeting so that we can talk about the problems because they were affecting our relationship, but he kept refusing and making up some excuse. This continued for about 2 months and things just got worse. Last week, he told me that he’s going to settle in another country and wants me to go stay with him after about 4 months. But I told him that I needed to know everything that was going on and why he wanted to live in another country thousands of miles away. But he didn’t respond and kept silent for almost 3days. I feel like he didn’t consider my feelings at all. I finally got fed up and just texted him that it was over between us. He immediately responded with sad emojis and then the next day, he sent a text saying “goodbye”.
He always told me that if I ever leave him, he’ll go away forever and I’ll never know more about him.
I just wanted to show him that I’ve had enough of his treatment and I wanted him to treat me better (which I said in the breakup text).
Now, I miss him so much…. I just want him back. But I feel like I have lost him for good. Especially since he’s leaving the country soon.
So far, I haven’t said anything to him since the breakup text. I don’t want him to think I’m so desperate or needy or that I’m begging him to be with me because I think he won’t respect and value me if we get back in that manner.
What do you think? What should I do?please assist
Vanessa
March 21, 2016 at 1:39 pm
You’re right… I guess we’ll just have to wait and see..
Thank you so much
Vanessa
March 20, 2016 at 5:05 pm
Thanks for the assurance Amor.
So what do you think I should do? Should I still hold out hope that we will get back together? Since this is our first breakup, I’m not sure what to expect.
Also since I’m the one who broke up with him and ended out engagement (when he was already making plans to settle with me in the country he wants to move to after getting married), doesn’t that drastically reduce my chances of getting back together? Is there hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 21, 2016 at 8:02 am
he’s being shady.. it’s not like you broke up the engagement because you weren’t sure of him.. he wasn’t being honest to you and it made you lose trust in him.. that’s a valid reason not to get married.. For me, he should be the one worrying if there’s still a chance because if you go back togethwr, he has to be open to you.. he let go of your relationship that easily, he didn’t even defended himself why he was distant
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 19, 2016 at 5:09 pm
Hi Vannessa,
I think you made the right decision… He shouldn’t have said you will never know more about him.. you’ll lose trust in a person like that in the long run
clara
March 16, 2016 at 6:17 pm
if you can help me: my boyfriend broke up with me like 3 days back and it wasnt our first break up. we have been dating since 9 1/2 months now and we broke up before like 3 times but it would be usually for a day and then we will be together again. this time everything was going great and he even told me he loves me and eveything else like hugging, taking care of me etc. just a few days back before break up. With him, he cant even handle one fight. he goes straight to “i cant take this anymore” whenever we fight and tells me he hates me and wanna break up! All the time till now, i used to go and tell him sorry even if its not my fault which i guess used to make him feel so much superior than me. my friends say thats my mistake that i always used to tell sorry and beg to him which made him feel so important. this time when he broke up, i did go to him next day to solve this but ended up fighting more and makng it worse. After that, i stopped talking and he blocked me off from all social media like fb, snapchat etc. though he says i dont like you anymore, its hard to believe coz we had good times and he told me love you’s few days before that. he is avoiding me and telling our mutual frnds that he dont care and he doesnt wanna talk about it to anyone. when we fought, it was really bad with all yelling and most rude things said ever. he told me his priorities are studies and if something is distracting me like this (fights) then he cant do this anymore. i dnt know what to do… after two days of break up, i told him that are we supposed to talk as friends as we are in same group of friends in college and its really awk. he said no.. but then texted me again saying..not now, atleast. should i move on and expect nothing as he said its final this time or give him NC rule for two weeks and then talk. he is leaving out of state for a week in next 10 days.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 1:04 am
Hi Clara
give it a week, I think he just needs time to cool off
Louise
March 14, 2016 at 11:01 pm
My bf of 2+ years broke up with me 5 weeks ago saying he wasn’t in love with me/attracted to me anymore. He had been distant for a few weeks so I might have seen it coming, but I’m so sad now. I immediately started NC and haven’t seen him since… he just texted me about some of my things (friendly enough)… what do I do now? I have to see him around mutual friends in a week… I miss him so much!
Louise
March 15, 2016 at 5:58 pm
ok thanks. So just be friendly and show him I’ve been working on things? I have gotten in better shape and know I look good…
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 2:27 pm
Yes, just continue what you’ve been doing during nc..
Louise
March 15, 2016 at 3:20 pm
I did block him on instagram.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 4:04 pm
You can start to unblock him, so it won’t be an issue when you meet up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 1:48 pm
Look your best, and be friendly and light. Did you proceed in blocking him in Instagram?
CM
March 14, 2016 at 3:04 pm
Hi, EBR team.. first off, I have to say I think these articles are fantastic. Wish I would have read them before my relationship ended so abruptly! So, to my question- My boyfriend just broke up with me last Wednesday, the 9th. I have a specific question about the NC rule, but I want to give some context to our relationship because it’s a bit unique. We met through a dating app and started talking on Feb 3rd, basically non-stop (up until last Wednesday). We decided we wanted to meet pretty quickly after starting talking and did so on the 8th. We met about 6 times that week, and after each time we went out our talking got deeper and we were both happier and more excited to see each other every time. Needless to say, things were going well. We both agreed we had a pretty natural connection and so things started to move fast. We had both been out of a relationship for 2 years, but by the 18th of February we had discussed exclusivity and even a bf/gf label. A week later we both said “I love you” (which I admit may have been a bit premature). I say that it was premature because we still had so much to get to know about one another, but I do not doubt that it would have genuinely gotten to that point. Unfortunately, about a week ago, we hit our first road bump. Admittedly, it was my fault. I had some lingering trust issues from my last relationship and one night when he slept through our plans and didn’t respond to texts/calls until almost the afternoon the next day, I 100% overreacted. I didn’t do anything too over the top, but I could see how it could have been off-putting. Especially for someone who had voiced to me that he was skeptical about relationships and hesitant about moving so fast. After that, I noticed a change in things and we had two more issues like that after I noticed he was more distant in the following few days. Immediately after the third of these (Wednesday night) I asked if he was still as happy and excited if he had been because I noticed a change and he said he wasn’t. He started searching for excuses to end it, most were related to what had happened in the past week, but one stuck with me. He said, “I know myself and I’m just not head over heels in love with you. I don’t think it should be this much work.” That’s baloney of course because every relationship takes work, but I could see that this was related to the issues that had surfaced in the past week and he was letting that cloud all the good that had happened in the past month. I was very calm throughout the break up call and wished him well in the end so it was very amicable. I haven’t contacted or seen him once since it happened, but I really can’t help but think there is no way this is over. He’s a stubborn guy and I feel very sure that he made a rash decision. I told him about my lingering trust issues during the breakup call but it was too late at that point. I read through the page that has the 3 legitimate reasons to want to get back together and I truly believe we meet all three of those reasons. We had a great connection and a lot in common and I don’t believe it was just an infatuation- despite what he tried to convince himself. I can tell that he’s the kind of guy that wants to take a while to process things, but I’m worried that if I wait the full month that you guys recommend that it will be too late- since that was almost the equivalent to our relationship to date. I know this was terribly long-winded, but I look forward to whatever advice you all can provide!
cm
March 15, 2016 at 10:07 pm
Ok, that sounds reasonable. So I think I have an idea that might give me a good excuse to reach out within the next few days… I just moved into a new place and I have some serious heavy lifting to do and could genuinely use help and he’s the only person I know in the area. Maybe I could shoot him a text to ask for help and just keep it casual?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 16, 2016 at 8:09 pm
yeah, you could do that 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 15, 2016 at 12:48 pm
Hi CM,
because you had a very short relationship, 30 day rule isn’t compatible with you. I think you can just do a week of silence, so to have a restart from the fight. Give him time to cool off. If he reaches out during that time, break the nc and talk calmly and listen to him.. But even if you’re just doing a week, do something. Show him that you’re not being clingy or depressed about what happened. You don’t have to appear super happy, just being ok is enough. Even just sitting in the park with your friends will do..
JT
March 12, 2016 at 10:16 am
Hey, my boyfriend and i were together for about half a year. We were really good the first few months, until i got really insecure with his girl best friend who was really touchy. We constantly argued over the same issue. They did take a step back, but it didn’t work well with me, i compromised too but we were at our ends. I asked him who was precious and important to him, and he said it was her because they’ve met longer than i did. So that day when i asked him who was my precious and he said it was her, he texted me and said he was sorry, and that he’s not ready to be committed into a serious relationship. What do i do?
JT
March 13, 2016 at 4:16 pm
i met him on the last day of semester. it has been about a week since we’ve talked.
one thing i don’t understand is that why does he conform to his “girl best friend” by doing what she’s doing(e.g.; wearing similar clothing, posting pictures with the same caption, basically “couple thing”) to hurt me. They aren’t in a relationship and he says that he doesn’t like her for now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 14, 2016 at 3:34 pm
I’d rather believe in his actions.. He may just be saying what you want to hear.. If he still doesn’t initiate for two days, start the count of no contact from the first day you didn’t text.. and then be active in improving yourself and being happy and don’t reply if he texts during the nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2016 at 3:20 pm
HI JT,
You became the jealous and controlling girlfriend for him but he’s answer of who is preciuos between the two of you is really wrong.. It should be you.. How many days have you not talked?
Amber
March 10, 2016 at 2:51 am
I was with my ex for 10 months, the first 6 we were just talking it slow and getting to know each other and the last four was the “honeymoon” stage of being intimate but not having sex we never got to that stage. The relationship was good for the most part no constant fighting or drama, the only issue for me was he was still friends with his ex that he has dated for 4 years, it had been 3 years ago since they broke up but I was still worries because I was first relationship after her but I tried not make a big deal about it because I wanted to be the “cool girlfriend.” We supported each other through our endeavors me graduating from college school and him from the police academy. He even bought me a design bag and we weren’t even official yet. One day I decided to ask if it was okay to call him babe and he said yes at first and a few days later we met up and he hold me that txt made his rethink the relationship, because he realized he “wasn’t developing the emotions that lead to having to a permeant relationship.” My question is despite what he said are the chances that is true and us possibility getting back together in the future? Also take into consideration that a month after the NC I met up with him talk and to catch up it when good but afterwards I ended up txting him and accusing him of talking to his ex girlfriend based on the quotes I saw on Pinterest, I wanted to be honest with him so he knew where I was coming so I also told him it was because of what I saw on his Pinterest.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2016 at 11:18 pm
Hi Amber,
correct me.if I’m wrong.. you did nc for a month, and then a month after doing it you ended up fighting and now you’re not talking?
Hopeful
March 2, 2016 at 6:30 pm
Sorry for the wall of text. My boyfriend broke up with me this week and its been really difficult. We had taken a week break to come up with solutions for some of the problems we had been having, but then when we came together, he said that he was tired of trying and that he just wanted to end things. He said it was one of the most thought out decisions he made. I came into the meeting with a list of solutions for about half the problems, ready to talk over the other half but with some half formed solutions for them too. He didn’t want to talk about them, or even try for another few months. And maybe I can understand why, because we had both gotten trapped in a cycle of negativity by the time we decided on the short break. He has a fairy tale ideal, and even though he admitted our relationship was good [we only recently started arguing in recent weeks, after 11 months of cooperative talks and solutions that solved those problems], he said that he wasn’t sure we matched in other areas. The thing is, a lot of those other areas are things that I came up with solutions for, and he agreed that we’ve had a high success rate in over coming problems in our past. But I think now, my not having found another full time position after having lost my job, his fear that his family won’t like me because of that, and his negative perception of me that built up and went counter to facts [he even admitted that at one point] – all of that meant he didn’t even want to try implementing the solutions. The three things he listed were growth [related to career], energy levels [high energy introvert vs neutral energy extrovert/ambivert], and time [he’s under the impression I want more time, when this is not true – I just wanted to be included in scheduling, so I felt my time was respected too. We never not to talk about this though, because he didn’t want to talk solutions]. [And I’m not kidding when I say we came up with really good solutions – communication used to be a problem for us in the beginning and it became our strongest point in the end.] I also wonder if his friend that has a crush on him may have influenced him in this direction, since she texted him while I was there, asking about it. And I know we still cared deeply about each other, because even after the breakup we spent the day together, crying but just holding each other. And he said that he would text me at the end of the month to meet and check up on each other. And then that we would meet again after his trip, in 3 months. We floated the possibility of trying again with a fresh start when we meet then. But he insists that he’s also not committing to that because he wants to see where we are by then. And he insisted he wanted a full break up, so it wouldn’t be cheating if he dated or slept with someone else, even though he also said that it isn’t likely.
I don’t know what to think. Or what to do. I know I need to go NC for a month but what about after that? Should I ask that we keep in touch as friends until our 3 month meeting? Should I hold out hope for a fresh start? What should I do for the one month meet up? Should I float the idea again, but then say, lets be friends until you get back, and talk more then? And if so, then what do I do for the 3 month meetup?
Hopeful
March 3, 2016 at 12:16 pm
Thanks for the reply Amor! I definitely plan to focus on me, including continuing with my job search, focusing more on my hobbies (I let some of those go to accommodate his schedule, but I know that I can’t do that with a guy ever again – I need to value myself and my own happiness more).
But what about that first meeting in a month? How should I handle that? And the one after that is 3 months from now? Basically, those meetings are already set. And I get the feeling if I find a job and become more myself, and if he manages to let go of his negativity, then there could be a chance. But I don’t know how to handle those meetings. Or the times in between or afterward. And I guess I want to at least sort of have steps for those things right now, so that after this week, I can focus on myself. Please, I could really use your help about this. Thank you!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 2:26 pm
Hmmm..don’t think about the 2nd meeting yet.. if the first meeting is sure then good.. work in your looks, and getting yourself emotionally more stable before meeting hin
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 10:32 am
Hi Hopeful,
Take it one step at a time.. Do nc first, because we’re not even sure how you would feel after nc.. You may even decide to move on instead of try… Right now.. focus on healing and living yourself more.. you’re the first priority so that whatever happens you’ll be ready
Sammy
March 2, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend of 3.5 years said he loves me, but he knows he shouldn’t be with me. He said he is always having doubts and it’s not fair to string me along. We have minor problems, but nothing too serious. We just spent the whole weekend together and everything was amazing. Then out of no where Monday after work he sprung this on me. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this, but this time he actually said he wants leave me. I drove to his house and he refused to talk because “he will feel bad to see me that upset”. He said he needs time to find out what he needs in life and he said maybe there’s a small possibility it will be me. He said he doesn’t want me to wait for him and he wants to hook up with people. I am devastated and heartbroken beyond belief. What do I do.. I want him back more than anything in the world.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2016 at 5:04 pm
Hi Sammu,
you’ve already tried talking to him..so, now the next step is not to chase him.. you’re basically giving him what he wants.. do nc and make him regret leaving you
confused
February 29, 2016 at 8:02 am
Hi Amor,
its been a month since we broke up. we were in a relation for 10 years. out of which 1 years has been ldr. he finished off with me saying he doesnt have the same feeling for me anymore where as the truth is he is sleeping with someone. everyone has been talking about it. when i confronted him he refuses to tell me and he thinks im making the relation complicated. well i want him to miss me and make him realize what a mistake he has made by letting go of this relation. Its been a month since NC.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 1, 2016 at 9:38 am
Hi Confused..
when you say it’s been a month since nc, do your man it has been 30 days from the start or 30 days from the end of nc which means it’s been 60 days since you last talked? Have you been actively improving nc since nc?
grieving boyfriend makes NC more complicated?!
February 25, 2016 at 4:06 am
Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago after a very unexpected death (about a few months ago) in his family, he said he wasn’t happy with his life and wouldn’t be able to provide for me right now. He says he sees me as his future wife and girlfriend down the road but he says he’ doesn’t know what he wants.. He still looks at me when he loved me, but he doesn’t text me at all unless I initiate. I was always there for him and checking in on him, but keeping in contact with him was hurting me as well. I do want to text him to check in for his own well-being, but I know I cannot do it dispassionately. I don’t know if I should continue with the NC and not check in on him at all? what do I do?! it’s more complicated than just a “break up” please help!
grieving boyfriend makes NC more complicated?!
February 26, 2016 at 3:31 am
thanks amor! can you elaborate what you mean by being patient and not using me for his healing? There are times he would tell me he still has eyes for me and always think about the good times we had and would like to hang out if I want to, but most times he wouldn’t initiate messaging me. we broke up on good terms due him not being happy with himself and our relationship was always good.. so at this point I’m just really confused with the mixed signals and if getting back with him is still possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 10:21 am
he’s not using you because he chose to break up and heal by himself instead of asking more attention from you or more effort to make him happy…
Being patient means observing him if he’s ready to at least interact with you, text, call and then later on have a date with you.. Gauge if he’s ready if you’te going to start to build the attraction
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 1:43 pm
You have to be really patient because if he’s still grieving then he’s being kind to you by not using you for his healing
Dee
February 25, 2016 at 3:49 am
Hi AMOR,
This is a complicated situation and I’m really hopeless now.
I’m asian/29 and he’s American/50.I was separated since I met him. For some reasons: traditions, social opinions, I’m still not divorced yet. Believe me I honestly really want to. I have a 5 daughter. She meets me everyday but mostly lives with her father’s family. Part of the reason why I’m scared of getting a divorce is because I’m afraid of losing my daughter somehow. We had to hide it. We didn’t like that. Actually we planned to get the divorce and move to live together this year. He loves traveling so it means we may have to move sometimes. There are ups and downs during the time. He was so patient to face challenges for me. The problem is my mood swings easily. I got upset with him sometimes for no reason. I hurt his feelings. We almost broke up but I always asked for “a last chance to change”. Stress from family, finding a job, other problems were on me at the same time. Last month, I again unreasonably got upset with him. He seriously wanted to break up.
A few days before it, he still said he loved me so much and thanked me for being in his life. Then it happened and he wanted to give up and now 1 month later he said he doesn’t feel love anymore. I really love him and want to take care of him. He loved me and did everything for me. Now he doesn’t think it can work. But we were really happy when we were together. Just the problems around made it hard. I don’t want to let him go. He said maybe he’s just selfish to push everything away (me and all problems) so he can feel peace. He said he needed time, he felt broken and needed to heal himself. I thought the one who’s broken is ME? I really don’t get it.
I’m looking forward to hearing back from you.
Thank you so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 1:40 pm
Hi Dee,
Maybe he meant he has been too affected now and now he needs to heal too…when was the last time you messaged him?
Kayleigh
February 16, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Do you think he’s even interested anymore though if he’s blocked me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 9:38 am
yeah… because in a way he blocked you because in a still affected, even though he may be annoyed but he can just ignore your messages if he doesn’t care
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 9:21 am
oh..you have to give it a rest if you want to text again.. a better tactic is not to ask but just be friendly and as much as possible don’t involve othet people unless of you’re bein abused of course..
Bohane
February 14, 2016 at 3:24 pm
Hi Amor,
This guy I’ve been dating for a couple of months just dumped me and have to say, he gave me a pretty good “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse with matching tears. Believe it or not, I was the calm one when we had that conversation. He was crying, I was calm. I met this guy at our MMA gym and we were on a rare hi-hello level as he transferred gyms a month later. Then we passed by each other at a mall, then he added me in Facebook and Instagram shortly. Obviously, he started chatting me up. We hung out a couple of times until I noticed the increase of frequency of us seeing each other. I took it in a friendly manner as I’ve seen this guy being all too friendly with people and he has a lot of girl friends, so I didn’t really mind his gestures. Until when I went out for a dinner with a guy friend, he acted all jealous and cam e over to the place and ended up confessing to me that he likes me. It was just a couple of weeks since we started hanging out so I didn’t really take his word for it. Then few more weeks came, clearly, we were already at the dating phase since he would hold my hand in public and would really squeeze in to see me even for a short while despite his crazy schedule. He was going too fast and I told him to slow down as we’ve barely reached a month into the dating phase. I can clearly remember turning him down once in a while as there were a few times that I got creeped out cause he was being clingy. He was moving mountains just to please me. A few more weeks, he has met most of my friend and he even introduced me to his inner circle and we’re already at this phase when we’re already comfortable with each other with him already dropping the “L” word a week after saying “I like you”. Then he got the courage to ask if it’s okay to take it to the next level. In other words, while we were making out, he asked if he can go to second base with me and I politely denied him because I wasn’t feeling it. At first it was okay but he started giving me more hints of him wanting to sleep with me (even sugar coated by adding “in the most innocent way”) and obviously, I just giggled and brushed it off. A week or so after, things have turned sour. He asked for a time off- a week to be exact and I said fine. I completely gave him space, since that’s what he asked for. And I’m not at all the clingy/needy type and he pointed out how I’m strong and level headed in all situations. After 2 days of giving him space, he started reaching out again and I gave him a last chance. I even dropped a “just when I fell for you, you pushed me away” line just to let him know that I, too, care as I’m also aware that I haven’t been verbal of my emotions. But a week after that, I can feel him pulling away again and I gave him space… AGAIN. He said it was just the stress from work that’s eating him up and I told him, I understand where he’s coming from so no fuss. Then came midnight 3 days after the second wave of cold treatment from him- he had to let me go cause he can’t keep on disappointing me because verbatim: “every time I put myself out, I always fall short. I can’t keep on doing this to you as you’ve always been so nice to me. It’s unfair to you” When we talked about it face to face, he told me he doesn’t know why he fell out of love with me with all the tears he could shed that night. I just sat there, calmly and I was trying to process everything. I was shocked of what he just told me. However, I can clearly tell that this whole thing can be rooted down to his sexual frustrations with me as my little bird told me that I’m the only one he has ever dated that he didn’t manage to sleep with. So I pretty much stroke his ego hard right there. Question though is, my gut’s telling me that our breakup conversation’s not the last of it. My instinct didn’t fail me when I told myself he’ll reach out to me N days after he asked for space so my money’s on the guarantee that he’ll be back real soon. And probably just the simple logic that conquerors go back to the lands they failed to conquer, is that it? I’m really crushed from what he has said that night. Most especially when he told me why I didn’t make it hard for him to get to me. Which I did. I know I did.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 11:38 am
Hi Bohane,
I get the same feeling as you do… of he stays without the sex.. congrats to you!