How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If HE Broke Up With You

1,328 thoughts on “He Broke Up With You And Now You Want Him Back”

lilian

December 19, 2013 at 2:52 am

Hi there,
I am in a situation where i know my boyfriend has been ignoring me since last few months, 6 months almost now. As we are in distance relationship, we are very far from each other, and only means of communication we can have is through skype, facebook or phonecalls. I dont know what went wrong, I called him several times few months back, he doesnt receive my call at all. Sometimes he does and says he is very busy with his work. I send him messages in facebook but he doesnt reply for few days. When we first started our relation (we met in facebook through our relatives) we used to chat whole day and night, we decided to meet after 6 months of knowing each other, we met and everything went so well, all his family and my family liked our relation. He was very possessive and sentiments towards me, he doesnt like me chatting with my other male friends, which i dont have much. I have been calling him, sending messages but i dont get response well. He says he is very busy but I know he is chatting with other girls, sending them friend requests, and now lately he is talking with a girl who lives near him and he has told her something went wrong between us. I am not stalking his messages but since it is me who helped him change is facebook id and all he is using my mail id for the facebook and i get updates. I dont want to stalk but if i am getting all the updates i cant stop myself from reading them too, and it is very painful as we haven’t broke up yet. Why is he doing this? I have not changed, I still love him so much, I have cried alot whenever i see him sending msgs to unknown girls but not me, I thought to move on, but I couldn’t as I can not forget him, I feel lonely and I still have feelings for him. What should I do??

admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Have you started NC?

Janet

December 16, 2013 at 3:14 pm

My partner of three years walked out on me two months ago because he wasn’t happy living in the South & has moved back up North. To cut the story short, he lost his job last June & he hated having no money & relying on me to pay for everything. We have been in contact a few times & he knows I still love him but he wants us to stay friends. He said he has a lot of thinking to do. He won’t block me on Facebook & I know he always read my messages. He tells me about his daughter like he bought her a Xmas present & looking forward to spending the day with her. If I don’t speak to him like in a week, he would message me as if he misses me. Should I stick to NC for longer & how long?
jessica

December 15, 2013 at 8:56 am

my b oyfriend broke up with me because he thinks i am deceiving, i cheated on him the first time we were together, we fought for a while (weren’t together) we stopped talking for a couple of months i got a hold of him and well we worked on out differences and we got back together, we’ve been together for 6 months i have lied to him about a couple of things now he’s entirely convinced that all i.do is lie. another reason for the brake up was because we fought lots, about him accusing me of cheating and lying. i know it may sound like i don’t deserve to have him back but how do i do it and how do i prove to him imma not lying..

admin

December 15, 2013 at 7:45 pm

REad my guide on trust.

Emma

December 13, 2013 at 9:28 pm

Hey Chris
Quick question my ex just refollowed me on social networks but doesn’t talk to me. We went out for three years and he broke up with me. We have been broken up for two months. Is this good or bad?

admin

December 14, 2013 at 9:58 pm

I think it is a good sign if anything but its not something you should get overly excited about.
Emma

December 16, 2013 at 1:19 am

But why would an ex who broke up with you follow you on social networks and like your pictures?
admin

December 16, 2013 at 6:30 pm

To keep an eye on what you are up to

Jen

December 13, 2013 at 3:02 am

I met a man online 5 months ago. He lives in Texas and I’m in Vancouver. He contacted me and kept talking about how he loves Canada and wants to see it and move here. Red flag. I wasn’t that interested but he is a Special Agent and was interesting and became more about me than Vancouver. After a month of talking he asked if he could come up here and I said yes. He booked his flight right away. I told him he couldn’t stay with me and he tried to but eventually got a hotel. He arrived and we hit it off. We spent 4 romantic days in Vancouver together. He met my parents even just because I’m close to them not because I thought he was the one. He left and after more than a month of talking he asked me to come to Texas. I met his kids. We had a great time and during that he booked two trips back to Vancouver, one to go to a Canucks game with me and another to be my date in whistler for a conference. Whistler was romantic and he showered me with affection. He was always touching me and complimenting me. Constantly. He always wanted to do things with me and met more of my family and colleagues. On the way to the airport he was holding my hand and said he’d call me when he got to Dallas. Then he vanished. 6 days later I asked him what was going on and he said he wasn’t in love with me. He didn’t act that way in whistler and looked at me like he was crazy about me. I am so confused and hurt. He did stay awake late when I went to bed and he drank. He said he needed to or he wouldn’t sleep. He also has had lots of girlfriends in other cities in the past. He is a good man but vanished then sent me an email that he wasn’t in love. Right after whistler. Why couldn’t he have acted more distant so I could see it coming ? He was acting like he adored me. He has since written me again saying he feels terrible and is sorry and he should have told me how he felt which was exhausted, overwhelmed with a depressed sinking feeling. That was it. I can’t and won’t reply bc I’m so hurt and burned. Did he use me?

admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:30 pm

Go into NC for a while.

Rose

December 6, 2013 at 11:20 pm

Hei,
I have been with a guy for almost one year. We used to sneakily lived together (since he is from a religious family)I am now in NC, however I don’t know whether it works. He tried to brake up with me a week ago, but I begged him to stay and even scared him by saying that I would suicide myself if he left me. He is now in different country and he flirted a girl overthere (his friend told me so)and told everyone there that we had already broken up when they firgured out me. The reasons he gave were he was so stressed and he couldn’t feel love (for any relationships he had before)and he doesn’t know what love is. He said he is really attached to me and worries and cares for me a lot and that he needs time to heal himself and be more stable. We had a call on skype with his parents (they don’t like me from the beginning because I am from a different country) and they think our relationship never works and they blamed me for ruining his life since for them he is really good Mormon boy and now he started drinking and usig drugs…and I must be the reason (though I have tried my best to prevent him and I am really good and traditional girl with a healthy lifestyle)…. Unfortunately, he is really closed and listen to his parents and I am sure they will stop him contacting or getting back to me.
Before our break-up (we broke up for one week, but we still kept in touch since Wednesday after the call with his parents) we talked everyday from day to night and if I did not answer his message, he got frustrated and panic. We even planned to get married together, but then he said he was not ready and that is one of the main reasons for our break-up. When we were together, I sometimes got paranoid and really desperate that I talked about commiting suicide if he left me…So his parents thought that he just wanted to be with me because of that. Moreover, I also talked to him about those guys chasing me and scared him by saying that I would date them right the way he left me and that “who do you think you are” for me to wait… But the truth is I would never do that and I do love him so much. I left my ex-boyfriend for him and shamely, I even cheated my ex-boyfriend with him. I de-friended him on facebook first (right after the call, wishing him make the right choice in his life), now he blocked me…. what do you think about my situation? Do I have a chance to get him back?

admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:48 pm

HOnestly… you have done a lot to him… I guess its worth a try but I say let the poor lad be..
Rose

December 8, 2013 at 9:07 am

Thank you for answering me. It helps me a lot for receiving your reply. I want to get him back because I know he is the one I must be with and I made lots of mistakes, which I want to correct or I will feel really regretful. Losing him and his contact(he blocked me also on skype and I am afraid he would never answer me if I call and text him). Actually, now I am also quite worried since last time we met (we were still together), we had fun together and now I think I am pregnant. I got pregnant with him once (month ago), but for protecting his images (his family is a religious one and his parents are really proud of him), I got abortion secretly. I don’t want to do it again, it tortures me too much!
Once again, thank you for reading my comment… It gives me a light in those stormy days 🙂
admin

December 8, 2013 at 7:11 pm

….. he doesn’t seem that religious to me if he let you do that…

None of my business though so I will stay out of it.

Be sure about your pregancy though.
Rose

December 8, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Thank you. You are so nice guy. God blesses you 🙂
Rose

December 8, 2013 at 9:40 am

I also want to ask, Should I add my ex-boyfriend back by sending him short message like “I am sorry for de-friending you on facebook since I was too emotional. No hard feelings ;)!
admin

December 8, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Nah I wouldn’t send that.
Rose

December 6, 2013 at 11:49 pm

He even deleted my sister facebook and my best friend’s facebook…

stephanie

December 6, 2013 at 10:53 pm

I am 22 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. It’s a very complicated relationship but I’ll try to explain.
In highschool, 5 years ago now, he always told me he loved me and wanted to date me. I never felt the same way. After I graduated, we went our own ways for a few years and I dated other people. I moved away to go to school and he stayed at home. We ran into eachother at a party where I was going to school. We started talking again and a year later, I moved back home to finish my degree and be closer to him.
While I was away at school he wanted to date me but because of the distance and my lifestyle I didn’t want to commit at the time. I continued on with my life, still talking to him, but also seeing other people. He was really, really jealous and after awhile I could tell it really hurt him. At the time, I didn’t realize how much I was actually hurting him though. When I became aware of this, I decided I wanted to commit to him, hence moving back home.
We went through a rough year last year, he went away for 6 months and when he came back things were a lot different. It’s almost as if we became different people. It didn’t change the way we felt about each other though and we stayed together. About 6 months ago we moved in together. At that time, things started going downhill quickly. Moving home was really hard for me, I started a new school without my boyfriend being in town, I had lost many friends from highschool and its been really hard for me to make new ones. I began to isolate myself a lot and I feel like I’ve lost touch with myself. I stopped doing all the things I once enjoyed and turned into an angry and miserable person. I began taking out this inner frustration on my boyfriend .. constantly nagging about pointless things at home, always texting or calling, and being very needy in general. When I get mad, I have began to say really hurtful things to him including lies about cheating on him. I know this really hurts him because of what was going on while I was away.
A week ago, we got into another really terrible argument, this time in front of a friend. Two days later he packed his stuff and moved back to his parents house. He told me he couldn’t be with me anymore, I didn’t make him happy and nothing was going to change.
Him leaving me has made me aware of how difficult I have been to live with and especially to be in a relationship with. I see all the things I have done wrong and I want to change but I’m worried it is too late for that now. We have been through so much in only 4 years.
We met yesterday to talk, considering we still have an apartment under both our names, he told me he didn’t know what he wanted and that he needed time for himself to figure out what is going to make him happy. I told him I was going to change and I had signed up for some counselling. I apologized for my part in the failed relationship. Everything was fine but I messed up and texted him today being so needy and demanding again. He immediately started telling me that he knew nothing would change despite the fact that he loved me and he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I am so hurt and so lost. I want to get him back but I’m worried it’s not possible. I’m worried that time apart (hes leaving for a month soon) will only confirm that he is better off without me. I want him to see that I’ve changed but I don’t know how. I have told him many times I would change but I always fall back into the same trap.

What is your advice?

admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Well have you been able to do any type of no contact or limited contact yet?
stephanie

December 8, 2013 at 1:17 am

limited contact yes, but we have a place together and i’m finding that its hard to not contact him yet still make sure finances, etc. are taken care of.
admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Well you should be able to break it for that. I mean, that is something you can’t get around unfortunately.

cindy

December 3, 2013 at 6:34 am

My ex broke up with me. We had never fought since we got together a couple of months ago. He had met my family, I had met his and from what he told me they all love me. He is very close to his family. This past Sunday coming back from our lil vacation with my 2 kids at the safari zoo I wanted to go to the movies with him. He asked if he could bring his cousin. ..bcoz I was tired and frustrated I went off on him and told him for once I wanted to spend alone time with him. I was angry and he knew it. I don’t know what came over me but I broke up with him which I know was a mistake. He ignored any txt messages and phone call until I begged him to come over and talked to me. He came over and told me that he did nothing wrong, which is true but I wanted to reconcile so he gave me another chance. 2 days later, my boss (male) asked me to go to dinner. Without thinking I said yes. I wanted an honest relationship so I told him about it. He said it’s ok but when he went in to work I txted him and never got a redponse. I asked him to have lunch with the kids and I and he declined. I felt he was giving me the cold shoulder again so I pointed it out to him. He never once mentioned he was busy at work, so first thing I thought was because I’m going to that dinner. So I told him I’m canceling it and I will quit the job. Then 7hrs later he txted back and he kept saying he was ok with me going to dinner. I told him I’ll give him some time to breathe. Thanksgiving Day he didn’t text so I greeted him happy Thanksgiving and to enjoy his day with his family. He txted way later saying “have a good night at work, talk to you later.” Nothing from him after that. Our monthsary is the 29th so I txted him. All he said”have a good day. I’m with my family will talk to you later”. Then told me he was going to watch his cousin play soccer. I told him I was oncall. He txted back and said he wanted to come by my house. I got excited and I waited for 2 hrs after the txt. I txted him just to let him know I’m leaving my house just in case he comes over and I’m not there. Then no response. I thought ok so maybe he’s still at home. I txted him that I’ll meet him there. No response and he wasn’t home. Then I told him this is really killing me. Silent treatment doesn’t feel nice. If you wanna break up with me then do so. Then I got a call from him he said he’s coming over. He said this past week had been rough and he can’t take it anymore. He said that he told me he’s guna grab food and I kept txting him while he was eating with his family (I didn’t know that) then he said I’m always assuming and putting conclusions before the even talk. He said that this past week, he couldnt concentrate at work. He doesnt know what hes feeling at this time. Although he insisted hes not angry. Then he broke up with me. I asked for another chance he said no. He then said that he had gone thru this before and he knows its not guna work out. I argued my point that now he’s the one assuming. That he needs to communicate better and not just ignore me. He just continued to shake his head. Then he said, “you’re guna be fine but I dont know about me”. I want him back because before that Sunday we were so happy together. My kids love him and he’s so good to them. We both compliment each other. He is the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with and with my stupidity and lack of control with my emotions, I let him slip away and he ended it. I don’t understand how he can throw it away that fast. He said he is afraid that when we move in together and we have a fight and I kick him out then he has no place to stay…he said id rather be alone than get crazy. I dont know what to do. I want this man back in my life. I read about the no contact rule, and he texted me today asking a question for his mother’s order. I replied just because I didnt want them not to have the xmas tree that she had ordered. He also has my pictures backed up in his computer and he said he’ll work on them tonight. What should I do?

admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:57 pm

Well, have you been able to do NC.

I say that a lot I know but it is really important.
Cindy

December 5, 2013 at 12:08 am

I started the NC rule but he’s mother had ordered a Xmas tree from my coworker and he texted me when is he’s going to pick it up. I feel bad not responding coz I don’t want his mother to get upset so I texted back just to answer his question.
Another thing is he had backed up my pictures and videos in his computer. After he broke up with me I told him that those pictures means so much to me that I’m asking a last favor to give them back to me not bcoz of other intention then I’ll leave him be. That same night he texted me asking about his mother’s tree he said he will work on them. I respectfully thank him. What should I do if he wants to give me the pictures, do I meet up with him? And did I say/do the right things? Now, answering his txt, do I need to start my NC rule again and since its a short term relationship, do I do the 30 days? I’m so sorry I have too much questions.
admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:25 pm

How long did you date the guy?
Cindy

December 6, 2013 at 1:31 am

3 months…I know it’s a short time but the intensity was different. I introduced him to my family really quick which I normally don’t do unless I’m sure and he’s the same. He is the only man I dated that I introduce to my kids. Prior to that, no one had met my kids. Before my craziness, he had mentioned a couple of times that what he fears the most is losing me… I dont understand… Why break up for this reason that can be fix?So what should I do?
admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Well, can you be more specific for me. It would help me out more. I can’t really go into broad statements b/c that is too much to write in a comment.

cate

December 2, 2013 at 5:05 am

My live in Bf of 3.5 years(we are both 55) recently left for the 3rd time in 3 yrs.. He has a clear pattern of leaving once a year stating he is unsure of the relationship, if Im the one etc…. He has always come back after 4 wks, 6 wks , and this time he’s been gone 4 months yesterday. He has always come back citing he was worth without me and he wasn’t sleeping and he was drinking too much. He missed me. It wasn’t until this past episode of leaving that a light bulb went off that he may be suffering from anxiety, depression disorder. ??????? I confronted him about it and he has recently admitted that he thinks it might be depression. He also just says he has major indecision about our relationship because he has anxiety. He was getting ready to propose in july and this is when the last episode came. I do not reach out to him . He will contact me once a week usually via text and just say” heh u ok?” and then proceeds to tell me how hard this is etc…., Well that week he called me out of the blue and said he just wanted to hear my voice, sorry he had to second guess all his decision, that he missed me.… I asked him if he was willing to seek help for what is going on with his depression and he said no at first, then by the end of the conversation he say he would think about it. I just can’t take him back knowing that this pattern could continue. It’s much to hurtful. I am willing to take him back if he considers looking into his pattern and getting some tools to cope. He knows that I miss him and want him back. I have determined on the last call that it hurts to much to receive the mixed messages that I get form him. Why is he doing this? Should I implement the NC rule?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:11 pm

I think you should absolutely.
cate

December 3, 2013 at 12:47 am

Should I interpret his signs of texting and calling me as positive signs? Seems to me if someone wants to end something they don’t act this way. They let it go!
admin

December 3, 2013 at 7:44 pm

yes I think they are positive!

Erica

December 2, 2013 at 4:34 am

My boyfriend broke up with my yesterday because of my attitude, moods, and the way I took all of my negativity out on him. I didn’t appreciate him enough and him breaking up with me has been a huge wake up call. He keeps calling me and texting me wanting to have normal conversations just like we were together, so he’s making things very difficult for me. I’m frightened that if I try the NC that he will not be interested in hearing that I’ve changed and genuinely want to put more effort into judging him less and appreciating his positive qualities. What should I do?

admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:08 pm

I think youll be pleasantly surprised at how effective it can be.

Danielle

December 2, 2013 at 3:45 am

I dated this guy for a yr & a half & I love him w/ all my heart. He broke up w/ me cuz he said “we fight too much”. Weve been through cheating, fighting, jail & more but we always got over it. We were really good together. After it he still texted me everyday, called, hung out, called me baby, was jealous, etc. He said he wanted to be friends after the break up & we did but then we got in an argument & he told me never to contact him again. 🙁 Please help me! I love him & I really want him back.
kessy

December 1, 2013 at 3:21 am

Hey Chris,so I completed the NC rule and did text my ex and he replied the first text,but I did not end the conversation and I did not text him for 10days and after the 10days I sent him another text asking if “he can remember the last movie we watched together and if he could figure out certain things about the movie”but he has not replied yet and its nearly 6days.do you think he is also doing the NC and what would you suggest I do?

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:38 pm

I think in another day you try with another message.

Taytay

November 30, 2013 at 6:53 pm

I’m so upset right now, my boyfriend split up with me cause one of my work colleagues text me asking me to send him the pictures of our works do night out and my boyfriend saw the text and took it the wrong way and finished me , I’ve been begging him to take me back and I know it’s wrong to do that but I love him so much and I miss him , a week after he broke up with me he came back to mine after a night out and stayed over and I loved it it felt like old times and I dindnt want to let him go, then In the morning he left and ignored me , I’d been texting him ever since an last night he told me he wants to focus on his future am plans and he’s sorry that he’s hurt me and he feels guilty , I’ve been still begging him, and I know it’s not good to do that but I have been so it’s over and done with now , he has kid and now his ex is back in his life , it’s so complicate and he justs says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore but yet he stayed with me and I put a roof over his head and lent him money webber he needed too , always stayed in when he went out , and then when I do go out with my new work friends I get cc used and finished with , please tell me what I should do cause right now I’m so down and depressed

admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Have you entered into NC.

Emma

November 29, 2013 at 3:33 pm

Ok so I have agreed with my break and I already did no contact but he still hasn’t contacted me we went out for 3years is he gonna forget about me? Please help!!

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:40 am

What have your texting interacitons been like?

anonymously_yours

November 27, 2013 at 3:44 am

Ex boyfriend said “I don’t love you anymore, I cant afford to.” What does that mean?

admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Loving you maybe hurts him? Thats all I get from it.
anonymously_yours

November 27, 2013 at 9:16 pm

Is that a good thing or not? Should I give up getting him back?
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:12 am

I actually have a new guide on this very topic coming up so you might want to wait for a while.
anonymously_yours

November 30, 2013 at 10:53 pm

Ex boyfriend went hiking with a girl. Do I still have a chance getting him back?
admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Sure, its just a girl. Do you know if they are romantic friends?
anonymously_yours

December 1, 2013 at 7:06 pm

I dont. But they live in the same dorm building. They always see each other. Should I just give it up?
admin

December 2, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Check this out: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/when-should-you-stop-trying-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/
anonymously_yours

December 5, 2013 at 12:32 am

So ex bf blocked me on facebook. My friend messaged him, and he also blocked her. It seems like he’s dating this girl. And there’s a possibility that she likes him too. They are close, live at the same dorm building and maybe talking to each other often. I did NC, but it seems like it’s not working. I texted him before I started NC saying I apologize for whatever I did and I also said I forgive him on what he did (cheating). There was no reply. I’m planning to contact him again but I think be blocked my number as well. So I guess there’s no more chance getting back together?
admin

December 5, 2013 at 6:27 pm

No it just probably menas you need to find a better text to text him.

rose

November 26, 2013 at 2:28 pm

I fell in love with my ex on the beach in grand haven. It came out of no where. we dated for two years. During christamas we started figting a lot his parents my parents both were getting divored. i got angry he got sad. i tried to be there for him i wanted to be. but i was so angry at my family i couldnt. i asked him a few times to break up simply because i needed time to myself. i needed to heal from my family falling apart. he always told me no and got angry. i know why im not mad at him Now. i was super mad. how dare he not let me heal. he doesnt care about me hes selfish. i started drinking alot and telling him i felt this way about him. . . deep down i didnt thogh it was all to my family. Well finially he cheated… and left me for her. aand i beged and i pleded. cuz the truth i didnt want to break up i want to take care of him and love him…. i just couldnt.. i needed to heal my self. I tried the no contact thing. since he dating her hes better at it… thing is last night i gave in i gathered all his gifts and drove to his work and asked him to take them. I was tring to give up hope… or maybe just see if i still loved him… its been three months since i last saw him and i was drunk when i did… well my knees starting shaking and my heart starting pounding. i dont even remeber what he said i was screaming i love you so loud in my head. he asked why i was giving them back i said i juat have to to. he said we 50-50 sucked…. insteaded of agreeinh i said no u lied(referimg to thee cheating) i felt bad right after i said cuz i know thats not why we broke up. he got defensvise i saw i had screwed up and i told him goodbye…. i panicked. i called him lefft a short messagre saying sorry i had to do that while u were at work. then i sent an email and explained that i missed him i know we sucked i want us back… blah blah blah… i know its no contact time again. i get that.. but no contact makes me feel less incotrol… i thought it was
suppose to help. so far work iceskating swiming walking my dogs. moving painting school…. i still miss him. hell i drew his face at painting class them riped it up…. i usally go crazy after a break. call text yell in public think facebook posts…. i have done none of this… except in the firat week
Kelsie

November 26, 2013 at 4:45 am

I feel strange messaging you, and I’m not even sure if you will respond but it was worth a shot because I still think he’s the right guy, just the wrong time or something. My boyfriend ended our relationship unexpectedly about four days ago. I want him back but I don’t know if it’s even possible and I should probably just move on. We haven’t had contact since the split (it’s only been a few days) and he said that he wants us to be friends and before we parted ways he asked me to meet up with him soon at our favorite local. We’ve been friends for a year and started dating four months ago.

Funny thing, I met him through my other ex. I was dating his roommate “T” for off and on for 8 months, the whole time I developed a deep friendship with my current ex “P”. I had only been dating “T” about 3 months when the rumors started that P was head over heels for me and that it was obvious that I was dating the wrong roommate. P is a chef and he works crazy hours and hadn’t been in a relationship in five years, and he’d only been in on and off relationships. When we were just friends he would tell me how he just believed that he would be a bachelor the rest of his life. Well then I was single and completely finished with T. P and I had been friends the whole time and I realized I had feelings for him too, so I told him and he said he felt the same way but he wasn’t sure if a relationship would work because he works all the time. I told him we can just be friends if that’s what he wanted. We started casually seeing each other for about two weeks before he made it clear that I was his girlfriend. Two months later he said he loved me and that he was the happiest he’d been in 5 years, I met this mother and she told him that she adored me and even joked about our future, our mutual friends joked about us being it for each other and teasing about nuptials to which he would smile and hold me closer, well things were good even with the heat he got from T for dating me, but P always told me he made his decision and chose me, he didn’t regret it. Well our relationship was good and then the busy season for a chef started and I barely saw him. Which I knew was part of the territory.

The break up:
We hadn’t seen each other in a week (normal for us) he texted me the morning of and said he was so excited to go to the concert, we met and left. I had been feeling stressed about work, so we talked about that. He was so thoughtful he picked me up something to drink before he even got me, well then we were talking and he told me about this great opportunity in London. He was contacted about an interview to work for 2 weeks at one of the best restaurants in the world then he’d come home. As much as I was surprised, I told him how excited I was for him and I hoped he’d get it. Then he talked about a job in Chicago and then started back tracking saying that there’s lots of great jobs around where we live, just a few hours drive. I knew he was trying to imply that even if he changed jobs, that he wouldn’t go to far from keeping us together. This made me feel like maybe I was holding him back and I only ever want to support him and not make things harder for him. So after some thinking, I asked if he was invested in this and if we were a priority, to which he said yes. He always loved my direct nature. So after that the rest of the car ride to the concert was fun, light and I thought everything was fine. He even made a joke about when we’re older together. At the concert, he talked about planning to go shooting (a date) and seem generally happy together. The car ride home is where I become confused. We were talking and fine, then it got serious again, we were talking about his schedule and I was trying to be supportive that by the end of the season that he’d start to have time again for his hobbies and friends etc. He said that he appreciated the support but he knows that it might stay this way, I was like okay. He was like I’m sorry that I’m a negative person. I told him I didn’t think he was negative but that he was a realist. We eventually get to my place and he gets out of the car to say goodnight, like usual, we were laughing and joking about stuff then he got this look on his face and said “about what we were taking about, I am really busy right now and it’s not fair to you. I don’t want to keep disappointing you and I don’t know if I can do a relationship right now”

I was shocked, this was coming from the guy who waited a year and battled his roommate to date me, the guy who said he wanted to be a bachelor but chose me to be the one to date after five years of being single.

So I asked, “are you breaking up with me?”

Odd response from him: “I thought that’s where you were going with this”
I told him no, that I understood things would only get busier during this season and that all I was trying to convey was that since we don’t get to see each other much, I just needed him to try to be more emotionally expressive when we were apart.

He responded that he wasn’t that person. I said okay, I know you enough to know that I can’t change your mind.

I expected him to leave, he kept lingering around. I asked him if he cared about me, he said of course he did or he wouldn’t have gone through all of this. I asked if he wanted to be with me, he said yes but he feels like us breaking up would have happened inevitably because of his schedule. I was like okay. He just kept staring at me, what was he waiting for?

He asked me if I had anything to say to him, I paused for a while. I wasn’t very emotional, I was in shock the whole time. I finally said that I was confused, how could you love someone and not be with them. He looked at the ground then me and said, I guess the saying is true. I love you but I’m not in love with you. I felt crushed but still showed nothing emotional, I asked when he figured that out, he said he figured it out on the way home. I was like okay. I wished him luck on his interview I told him I still wanted to be friends he said he still very much wanted to be my friend, he asked me if we could hug. We hugged. He kept lingering. Looking at me like he was waiting for something, I asked him if he had more to say, he said no, he thinks he said everything he needed to say. I was like okay, just curious before you go. I asked, so you’re not in love with me at all because I’m just really confused from the way you’ve always acted around me. He just looked sad at the ground and then at me and only said “sorry”. (not yes or no? Which was confusing because he’s a blunt person like me). We hugged again and we laughed as we were hugging as I pulled away it looked like he wanted to kiss me, so we pecked. He didn’t pull away but it wasn’t anything special. As I was heading to go inside my house, he said that he hoped we could hang out at Gilligan’s soon, I told him of course we’ll hang out and to drive safe. (Gilligan’s is where we would hang out and talk for hours as friends and then dating).

So my questions are, is it really over? Should I just move on or should I give him no contact and is there a chance he’ll miss me and change his mind? My friends think that he got scared and didn’t want to hurt me, thought that I was going to break up with him so he beat me to it and is trying to save face , they think that he needs space and that we’re still meant to be because he wouldn’t have gone through all the waiting for me and the stuff with T if he didn’t love me. They think that he kept lingering so that I would get emotional and fight for him, to give him 2 weeks no contact and then tell him how I feel (my brother in law said he once told my sister that he loved her but wasn’t in love, after two weeks he realized his mistake and a month later they got back together and that he thinks P really loves me but is confused and scared)

I am just confused and he’s my best guy friend who I would normally go to with this type of stuff so I figured why not ask a guy that blogged about it. Anything is worth a shot. Any advice would be helpful, if we can’t get back together, I want to know what to do to at least keep my best friend.

Thanks for reading.

admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:03 pm

I responded yipppeee!

Tell me what you have done as per this site to get him back so far?
Kelsie

November 27, 2013 at 2:55 am

It just happened a few days ago. So I haven’t contacted him at all. I don’t know what to do. Some of my friends think that I should give it a few days and then go talk to him, maybe he thought I didn’t care and was trying to break up with him so he did it before I could do it too him (seems too juvenile for him) …my other friends think I should give it a month and wait to see what he does.

I don’t know what to do. I read the bit about no contact, that’s why I was going on a limb here. If he was any other guy I would just forget him and move on. But he wasn’t any other guy. He’s my best friend and we just “got” each other. There was always a pull between us. I don’t know what to do.
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:48 pm

Well maybe you can do a shortened NC if you are feeling uncomfortable about it.
Kelsie

November 28, 2013 at 12:09 am

Well, should I do the shortened NC or the full 30 days?

I just need to figure out one something, then I’ll know how to approach it: why did he linger around after he broke it off, ask me if I had anything to say to him, and continue to look at me like he was waiting for something? Did he want me to fight for him? Because I just remained calm and cool, to keep it friendly. If you think from what I’ve described that there’s more to the story then maybe I just need to be direct with him like we’ve always been with each other. I’m just at a loss and I don’t want to jeopardize a friendship.
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:47 am

Whatever you feel is best!

Happy Thanksgiving

Jess

November 23, 2013 at 6:33 pm

i really hope you can help me and i sincerely apologize for how long this is.

my boyfriend broke up with me on october 3rd because of character mistakes i was making without realizing. i had complained bout him working too hard and got mad and using the time since the breakup i realize i had been a little bit controlling. he dropped me right then and there over texting. i’ve made every breakup mistake in the book by calling and texting him up the wazoo. about a week later i had txted him saying i still had a couple of his things here and he agreed to come by and get them. he said he only wanted his dog tags back and let me keep his fishing hat that he gave me when we first met and a heart pin. when he arrived, i couldn’t control my tears and told him how sorry i was for everything and that i still wanted to be friends. he agreed. stupid me, still being emotional over it all, brought up what happened to a friend on facebook and later that week my ex unfriended me and blocked me. on and off the next couple weeks, i made the mistake again of trying to talk to him by texting him saying “can’t we just let what happened go” and things similar to that. finally (on the 8th of November) his best friend texted me telling me that telling his girlfriend to show my ex this and that and tell him stuff was annoying and pointless, that my ex wanted nothing to do with me, that he finds my constant groveling annoying, that i’m basically doing to him what my first ex was doing to me, and that i should just give up all together.

even though we were only together for a little over 3 months (mid-june till october 3rd) we had created a very very strong bond and had extremely strong feelings for each other that were true and good. i feel deep down that i found my one and only and i know he did too. even though he dumped me so suddenly i believe he still has feelings for me but is choosing to bury them. the feelings we shared don’t just go away over night.

i have done so much research on finding ways to get him to talk to me so i can resolve everything, from spells to universal manifesting desires. i’m desperate now. so i’ve been respecting his wishes and haven’t made any contact with him at all. i do talk about him to my best friend (who is my ex’s best friend’s girlfriend). the last time i had any contact with him was on his birthday(Oct. 18th) when i texted him saying happy birthday. he did respond saying thanks and some time after i texted him saying “how’ve you been” to which he didn’t respond at all. basically its been a month since i talked to him at all. i’m best friends with my ex’s best friend’s girlfriend and i pretty much vent to her my feelings and that i’m still madly in love with my ex. at first she told told me that it wasn’t worth getting emotional over but it seems she’s come to accept that i’m still deeply in love with him. he has seen me a few times but has avoided me. i recently saw him (and seeing him felt like the first time with butterflies and all that good stuff) at our school’s auto shop with friends and i know he saw me and i know he knew i was there. i probably was presented with an opportunity to talk to him but i was too afraid of making things worse so i just stayed in the office. i believe with all my heart that he still has feelings for me but i also believe that he was and is still being influenced by his friends to stay away from me.

i’m just looking for a way to break the ice and get him to talk to me again. i understand that i’ll never have the relationship i had before, maybe it’ll be better, who knows. i’ve used the time since oct 3rd to completely go over myself and fix the problems i didn’t realize i had. i guess i’m wanting to rush things because my friend told me he’s been talking to other girls and i’m afraid of loosing him completely and i’m afraid of being confronted by his friends.

i would say i’ve been using the no contact rule since mid october but it’s really been the 8th of november when his best friend texted me saying to stop what i was doing.

i’m seriously running out of hope and i’m trying to stay positive that he’ll remember the feelings he had for me.

admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:23 pm

You do realize you can contact him now…
Jess

November 24, 2013 at 6:43 pm

i am afraid to and i honestly don’t know what to say. i’m sick at the moment. last time i was sick he had helped me alot. can i use that as a first contact text?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:05 pm

I wouldn’t b/c it is not something that would make him feel good you know?
Jess

November 25, 2013 at 8:01 pm

so stick with the movie memory instead of the wash memory?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Movie yes!
Jess

November 27, 2013 at 11:34 pm

ok i figured option 2.

had a question. was thinking (and i mean thinking) bout texting him tomorrow, with it being thanksgiving and all, and saying “Happy Thanksgiving. Today had me thinking of you for the first time in a while and it made me smile. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day :)”

would that be something you would respond to if you were in his position from everything i explained above about him? should i just wait till around the 7th to text him?
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:43 am

It would be nice.. and I would personally respond to it BUT I guess it depends on how he perceives it. If he sees it as sweet or if he sees it as a “not her again” text..
Jess

November 28, 2013 at 7:02 pm

i like this one best: “thought of you for the first time in a while and wanted to wish you and your family a happy thanksgiving.” and thought about adding at the end “I hope you and your family have been doing well”.
Jess

November 29, 2013 at 4:16 am

i sent the “wanted to wish you and and your family a happy thanksgiving. hope you and your family are doing well” text almost 8hrs ago. still haven’t gotten a reply. i’m not bothered by it at all.

what are your thoughts on what i should do next and is there an easier way to contact you for help and advice lol i don’t want to fill this whole page up with comments. it get a little confusing on what comments you’re replying to.
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:16 am

See how he responds to everything and then go from there.
Jess

November 28, 2013 at 9:28 pm

ok i finally sent him a text. all i said was “Wanted to wish you and you family a happy Thanksgiving. Hope you and your family are doing well :)”

simple but showing my intentions are positive and happy. i sent it 1:39pm my time and haven’t gotten a reply back yet. i could have put “thought of you for the first time in a while” but i didn’t want that to throw him off. besides, i can use it at other time. i’m staying positive and telling myself to stay calm and not panic. if he doesn’t reply at all today, i’ll wait a week or so and send him the movie text we discussed. i want to come across that i’m not bothered and upset anymore about the breakup, that i haven’t let what he said or how he has treated me put me down, and that i’m happy and taking care of myself.
Jess

November 28, 2013 at 12:09 am

sorry meant to put “thought of you for the first time in a while and wanted to wish you and your family a happy thanksgiving. wanted to say you were right and thank you.”

thoughts on the last 2 comments?
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:47 am

Not a fan of em.. I say take them out and send message as is.

Oh, and happy thanksgiving.
Jess

November 28, 2013 at 5:11 pm

happy thanksgiving.

so send it as:
1)thought of you for the first time in a while and wanted to wish you and your family a happy thanksgiving.

2)Happy Thanksgiving. Today had me thinking of you for the first time in a while and it made me smile. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day 🙂 ”

3) Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you and your family have a wonderful day.
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:54 am

I think all of them are good actually haha.
Jess

November 28, 2013 at 4:57 am

ok just delete the comment timed at 12:09am. it was an accidental post 😛
Jess

November 25, 2013 at 8:57 pm

gah…so much information to process and analyze. i can’t decide between using me being sick or the movie memory for a first contact message.
admin

November 26, 2013 at 6:56 pm

MOVIE hahaha
Jess

November 25, 2013 at 11:27 pm

alright…i’m very sorry for all the confusion. i’ve finally got my head on straight. my boyfriend friend didn’t text me on the 8th like i thought. it was the 15th. BUT, i do remember the last text i sent him was between the 7th-9th of this month (unfortunately i deleted the messages because i saw no reason to keep them)*facepalm* smart move jess lol. anyways, after that i’ve had no contact AT ALL with my boyfriend. i don’t count asking my best friend (boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend) to show him stuff and telling him i said hi because i didn’t do it myself.

so with all that said, i can either text him on thanksgiving (yes that means breaking NC Rule) when i know he’ll be with family and (hopefully) in a good mood or i wait till after 7-8th of december to text him. the text works both ways. its just a matter of catching him in a good mood. either way, i’ll have the time to come up with plan b and even c if needed (even though negative responses is what i’m dreading, i refuse to give up).

after reading some other your other pages, as desperate as i am to get him back i realize that it’s not going to happen over night. it IS going to take time and patience(not my strong point but working hard on it) and even though i’m not telling my best friends what i’m doing they still keep me happy and positive without knowing it.

again i sincerely apologize for the mix up and the many comments. i’m a little stressed atm lol
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Hey its all good. I don’t think anyone is good at patience but it really is a virtue here.
Jess

November 26, 2013 at 5:20 am

🙁 i just found a love note he had posted on facebook a month after we had gotten together about his feelings for me. i had saved it in a file on my computer so i wouldn’t accidentally delete it and i lost it. it’s been weeks since i cried this hard.

i’m standing strong to the NC rule and the plan but i wish there was a way i could just talk to him and show him the note.
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Why are you torturing yourself like that.
Jess

November 26, 2013 at 8:38 pm

i had a momentary cry but i’m good now. i do think the note might be a good idea but also a big risk. texting him saying i found a “note” from him may or may not make him think maybe it’s a love note. the scales are pretty much even when it comes to the pros and cons of the note idea. he would either go “what note is she talking about? i don’t remember writing a note. I’ll txt her and ask” or it can go “knowing her it’s a love note and she’s trying to use it to get me to talk to her”. i’m going to think it over really good before i make a definite decision.

regarding the movie text, i’m having a little difficulty wording it in a way that he’ll respond to it. the problem i’m having is i can’t remember watching a movie with him that we both loved. i can only think of movies i know he really likes and Ted happens to be his favorite.

here are the 2 versions of the text:

1) “I saw Ted earlier and the bear had me thinking of you for the first time in a while. Honestly it made me laugh and smile :)”

2) “I saw Ted earlier and there was a scene that had me thinking of you for the first time in a while. Honestly it made me smile :)”

what’s your opinion?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:17 pm

I like option 2 🙂
Jess

November 26, 2013 at 5:50 am

is it possible to use the note as a first contact text? he wouldn’t know what it was about and maybe that would peak his curiosity enough for him to text back. i don’t know. it’s just an idea. i have a plan, i just don’t know how to go about it. i think i just need more time to think about how go about contacting him.

again i apologize for so many comments. if it’ll be better, i’ll contact you via email.
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:08 pm

Its possible but do you think its the smartest way?
Jess

November 24, 2013 at 8:09 pm

after rereading everything i posted to its entirety i’m thinking of waiting a little longer to contact him and using seeing a movie he really liked and saying that it reminded me of how much he liked it and that it made me think of him. as positive as i am i think my fear of him being negative towards me and his best friend (my boyfriend tells him pretty much everything) confronting me is what’s stopping me from sending the first text today.
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Good for you! Its good to have a plan isn’t it?
Jess

November 24, 2013 at 10:11 pm

i’m sorry for so many comments. i was just thinking my first text contact is going to be about this spot were we would sit and talk for hours about everything and anything. its where i realized i really loved him and its a very positive memory i think we both share. when i get up enough courage to send the text it’s going to be something like this: “i walked past the sitting spot by the wash. it reminded me of you and made me happy and smile :)”. i don’t want to put too much into because i want him to think back on those memories. i would say those were the happiest ones we ever shared.
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:33 pm

No problem and I like that memory its nice.
Jess

November 24, 2013 at 7:31 am

i forgot to mention some things and i apologize again for how long this is. first off, my ex and i all had the same friends when i was in high school(i graduated before him in may). we had our own little group and we hung out together all the time.

when my boyfriend and i had gotten together in june i had been single for a little over a month. i had just broken up with my first boyfriend of 2.5 years for personal reasons. ex #1 continued to call and text me constantly and during my relationship with my boyfriend we both had contact with ex#1. my boyfriend was extremely supportive and protective of me and helped me to get over ex#1. finally bout mid september ex#1 stopped all contact.

in september, my boyfriend had stayed with his best friend for 2 weeks while his friend’s parents were out of town. they wanted to use that time for “guy time”. up until then we had seen each other pretty much everyday since we got together. at the time, i was stressed out from family life and had argued with him on and off bout how it wasn’t fair that his friend was keeping him from seeing me. we did see each other a couple times the last week of those 2 weeks. one of those days happened to be my departed mom’s birthday and my ex had spent the day with me even though i was somewhat neutral about the day. his best friend complained that i was over exaggerating about the day and had later posted on facebook something bout people who exaggerate their feelings to get what they want. i admit i was clingy and fearful. during those 2 weeks and the days leading up to his breaking up with me, everything was ok. i emphasize on “ok”. we were happy and everything seemed to be normal. a couple days before the break up, his best friend was having issues of his own with his girlfriend and the negativity effected me and my boyfriend. i started getting mad about how my boyfriend’s friend was treating me even though we were good friends too and my biggest mistake was taking my anger about everything out on my boyfriend. the day of the beakup after everything was said, the only thing he said to me was that he was tired of the complaining and that he was going back to chillin with friends and having a fun time with them.

your site has been very helpful to me and i wish i had come acrossed it when the break up first happened. i officially started the NC rule on the 8th when my ex’s best friend texted me to stop what i was doing. it’s been very hard for me to not text my ex about wanting to talk but i’m doing it. i used my friend’s facebook just to check up on my ex and he recently posted that he was tired of being single. he hasn’t shown any interest in me at all. like i stated before, i believe he still has feelings for me but is being stubborn and is still possibly angry with me. as i stated before, he believes i’m acting the same way ex#1 acted towards me but i’m not at all. i sincerely hope that i still have a chance on getting my boyfriend back and show him that i have realized my mistakes and that i’ve changed.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Do you plan on doing the entire NC for 30 days?
Jess

November 24, 2013 at 7:44 am

oh i also forgot to mention that when my boyfriend’s best friend texted me on the 8th he also said that my boyfriend doesn’t even think about me or even bring me up at all. as hopeless as my situation seems, i still have hope and am trying my hardest to stay postiive.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Thats the right attitude.

Bailey

November 23, 2013 at 4:34 pm

Hey
I am going to try to make this short but it’s a long story.
Back in June my ex bf came home (we lived together) and said we weren’t working out. He moved out that day. A week later he came back but I was super hurt that I lost trust in him and it took me a few months to come back around and be my normal self again and fall in love with him again. We tried a 40 day break, it didn’t last long because we missed each other. So from June to late September I was still trying to decide if he was the one so I wasn’t myself. (We were still In a relationship at that time). Once I started feeling more like myself things started to change. October he started being distant and it got worse and worse to the point where he became emotionally numb. He is in the military and suffers from PTSD and he has always felt unworthy of me because I have a career and he is still in school. I caught him talking to a 19 year old girl (he is 25). I confronted him, he denied it so I ended it. He seemed totally fine with that. The next day I apologized for the way I acted. 2 days later he contacted me upset that he thought I had moved on and wanted me to wait while he figures out why he is in a depression and that he thinks that us not being together is a mistake. The next day he became mean and distant again and then the next day he was even worse (this was this past week). On Thursday (2 days ago) he wrote me a long message about how he is afraid he won’t find anyone else like me, he is afraid I will find someone else but thinks he needs to work on himself and get over his PTSD and depression because he was not good to me, but it’s not fair to me to wait on him. He says he hopes we will be together eventually but really needs to work on himself for now. What’s your opinion? Move on? What’s his real reasons?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:39 pm

Have you tried NC yet?
Bailey

November 23, 2013 at 8:55 pm

I guess that’s what we are doing now? We haven’t talked since Thursday night. Just not really sure to think of what he said.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:53 pm

I guess it is hahaha.
Bailey

November 24, 2013 at 9:28 pm

So just keep doing that? Or move on? Do you think he really wants to get back together eventually or is that an excuse?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Well, its impossible to say. I wish we were mind readers.

For now just keep trying until you feel like you wanna give up.
Bailey

November 28, 2013 at 2:45 pm

He ended up sending a really sweet message on Sunday. It was perfect. I replied a few days later then he was back to being distant and now not talking again

kessy

November 22, 2013 at 7:19 pm

OK I will do that,what about the week which my friend contacted him using my phone

admin

November 23, 2013 at 6:53 pm

No big deal.. Just disregard it.

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