How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back Permanently- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”

Madison

June 9, 2016 at 2:37 am

I’ve had an on again and off again relationship for the past 8-9 months. I think I may have accidentally ended things for good when I didn’t mean to..
We had been in the talking stage of re-initiating the relationship. I ended up overreacting to something he posted on Facebook. He changed his relationship status to ‘taken’ without telling me. I assumed it was another girl and got really upset. Instead of confronting him about it calmly I told him I was done if he had another girl. He texted back and seemed hurt; he said that he only did that so others wouldn’t flirt with him, but said ‘whatever peace man.’ He ignored all of my texts to apologize, ask to talk, etc. I eventually saw him flirt with another girl on Facebook and said my goodbyes. He ignored those too. I’ve tried to keep myself busy and not think of him, but I miss him like crazy. Is it too late to get him back?
jojo

June 1, 2016 at 8:31 pm

Hi,

My ex and I haven’t been in an on and off relationship, but he says that his past relationships have been this way.. I do not want us to be like this.. I have done NC and we are very slowly speaking again.
Is there any advise you could give me to ensure that i will not b falling into the trap of his usual routine of on and off relationships?
Thanks : )

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 3:03 am

Hi Jojo,

sorry for the late reply.. Basically it looks like you’re good at what texts to send but you have to work on how you end the convos. You can pre-empt him at what you were doing at the start of the text, like what you did in one of your texts, and then say good bye right after the last high point text you end before he replies.
And about jealousy, it’s felt when you’re about to lose someone you like.. Of course I know you know that, I just want to assure you that he’s human, he will feel that. Especially if you’ve been maintaining yourself and you kept improving even after nc.. start to go out more with your other friends and be active in posting it.

when he talks about himself all the time, as in all the time and it’s always all about his feelings not just about what he’s doing, then he is using you as emotional support. But humans always like talking about himself, so use that to your advantage.. be his go to girl to one of his interest, so that he would be interested in you or be interested in it so that he would be willing to share

Jane

May 31, 2016 at 6:56 am

Hi Chris and Amor,

I am 31 years old and My boyfriend (28 yrs old) of 2 years has just broken up with me 2.5 weeks ago. I am absolutely devastated. We first got together in mid 2014 and broke up in March 2015.. We broke up because he wasn’t prioritising me, not wanting to spend time with me and we just argued a lot over the things he would constantly do. He also felt pressured from me and things moved faster for the both of us then we first anticipated (he moved in quickly etc). When we broke up, I did no contact on him and had no intention of getting back with him because he’s very stubborn and I didn’t think i’d ever hear from him again. We did no contact for 5 months straight, the whole process was hell but i did it and started to come good and just as I was starting to feel ok again, he text me out of the blue saying ‘he should’ve text earlier and hes sorry he didnt cause he let his ego get in the way etc and then asked me out to dinner. I agreed to go to dinner with him and we had a huge talk and he told me how he messed up and wanted me back and that he was willing to change etc. I was reluctant and said i would think about it. We slowly started to see each other again and he was doing all the typical things to win me back. Eventually i said yes to getting back together and we started dating again in August 2015. We lasted almost a year until 2.5 weeks ago when we broke up again for the second time, this time he broke up with me and this time I feel it is for good, but i still can’t get it out of my head that he will text me or try and get back into contact with me again one day like he did the last time. I dont want to sit here and hope for that, cause that may never happen, but in a way i am waiting for that because of our history.

When we got back together after our first break up, I started going to counselling to change some of my own behaviours that I knew contributed to the first break up, so it would give us a better chance of making it work. Ive read book after book on effective communication and relationships, again to give myself all the tools to make it work the second time around. We communicated a lot better and both put in a lot of changes and changed a lot. We lasted for almost a year when we got back together, but his job (hes in the army) and his own selfishness again caused me to challenge him on certain behaviours and we were fighting a whole lot almost every week. I felt the strain of the arguing and the constant let downs and so did he and as a result, we have broke up again for the second time.

I almost pulled the pin about a month ago, but he was away for the army and i didnt want to make that decision after 2years with him being at a distance. He came home from his work trip and I thought things were going ok, only 2 weeks before we broke up, he came home early and surprised me with flowers. We hadn’t been arguing at all for a few weeks but he was down so I asked him how work was etc and he’s uncertain with what he wants to do with his career and it was stressful for him and then i asked if anything else was wrong, and he just busted out crying and said ‘i dont think i can be with you anymore’.. I feel so upset and out of control with the way he ended it. I had been feeling unhappy too but I really tried my best to make it work when we got back together after our first break up, but it wasnt enough. He said he was unhappy and couldn’t be with me anymore. He changed and put in a lot of effort when we got back together but the changes were inconsistent.

I feel this is the end and I will never hear from him again. I feel i honestly done everything i could to make it work. He has a tendency to quit things when its getting to hard (something he said he could change when we got back together) but hes quit again because everything is too hard.

I honestly dont even know if i ever want to hear from him again, I know our relationship wasn’t always healthy at times with the arguing but we were a very loving couple and left on good terms, both saying we loved each other as he left.
We said our good byes and just cried together for 20mins straight holding onto each other, not wanting to let go…

I don’t even know if i could face going through this again and its gonna take a miracle for us to every get back together at this stage. I have blocked him on all social media and haven’t contacted him for 2.5 weeks and have no intention of contacting him again. But i guess I want to know, will i hear from him again and under all of this, is there a chance he’ll ever want me back and would it be worth the pain and heart ache im feeling right now to go back to him if he contacted me and wants to try again?

I love him so much, he’s my first love but I feel this is the end…

Please help…

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 7:52 pm

Hi Jane,

You said he’s in the army? That’s kinda shocking that he gives up when it gets hard because he’s in the army.. If he’s blocked of course he won’t be able to reach you but maybe someday,which would probably depend on where you are both in your lives, both of you will have a better chance.

Tia

May 31, 2016 at 1:28 am

Hi well my on again off again relationship is off again after getting back together at the beginning of last month. So I was in a LDR with my boyfriend for about a year when he cheated and got the other girl pregnant. He begged for me to forgive him and so I did and we stayed together for 4 months until he left me for her. After 3 weeks of doing no contact he called and said he made a big mistake and still loved me. We got back together 3 months later, were together for over a month and now he tells me he still loves her. He also told me he still loves me and I know it’s only a matter of time before he changes his mind and wants to come back to me. He is so confused and the problem is he is going to be in my city in 2 weeks and wants to see me. I have just started no contact, should I do it until he comes and should I even see him? We live in 2 different countries and I feel that has been part of the problem. He was going to move to my city this month before he decided he still loves his ex and wants to be a father to their baby.

Tia

June 13, 2016 at 9:39 am

Hi Amor that’s ok. Well he came and we ended up sleeping together twice. I realise now he’s not ready to commit to anyone right now if he can claim to love his ex and cheat on her with me. We did have a great time together but we didn’t talk about our relationship. I plan to do no contact when he leaves tomorrow.
Tia

June 9, 2016 at 4:59 am

Hi he arrives in my city tomorrow and has asked me to pick him up from the airport and go grab some dinner after. He also asked if he could stay with me but I said no. I am nervous about seeing him actually, and I am struggling a bit because I am still heartbroken
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 11, 2016 at 7:57 am

sorry for the late reply tia.. how did it go?
Tia

June 1, 2016 at 4:35 am

Thanks Amor should I let him text me first? Also, how should I be when he comes to my town? He will be here one week, should I use it as an opportunity to win him back?
Tia

May 31, 2016 at 11:26 am

Ok so if I don’t no contact is it ok to just text him less? I just don’t want to put pressure on him and also he is not a big talker especially when it comes to his feelings. I didn’t say I would definitely meet up with him, I kind of told him I would think about it. Then I wished him all the best and said goodbye and he replied “no not goodbye, see you later”
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 8:24 pm

Yeah, that’s the better option until you do no contact. Text him less. You have to give yourself a timeline until when you would wait because let’s face it, they are tied for life because of their child. If he doesn’t have a solution for that, would he go back and forth between the two of you?
Tia

May 31, 2016 at 10:58 am

Hi Amor
Yes he lives in the same town as his ex and I live in another country. He was actually supposed to marry her last month and called it off 2 weeks before the wedding. He had been texting me the whole time he was with her and we got back together after he called off the wedding which I see now was too soon. He texted me 3 days ago when he was drunk saying he wanted to be with her and then the next day he told to me forget what he said and told me we should get married. Then yesterday he said he’s going to be with her but even then he said he doesn’t know what he wants and is confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 7:16 am

Hi Tia,

does he currently live closer to his baby and ex? For me, if you’re going to do no contact, do it after you meet. Talk it out first. But from what I see, he’s starting to fall for her while he’s still in love with you and he’s not being courageous enough to admit that he has to be responsible with his actions. I think whenever they have a problem, he comes running back to you.

Maia

May 25, 2016 at 10:49 am

My on/off again boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me four days ago. We have only broken up once before, last fall, after which I found this website, followed NC and the texting rules. It worked — we saw each other once, he went to South America for 2.5 months, and we talked constantly, every day. We got back immediately upon his return until he broke up with me again this past weekend. He offered some generic excuses about doubts about compatibility and longterm and but couldn’t offer any real details. He kept saying he had tried his best, but in his mind, that meant going out to dinners and plays together, rather than the emotional work required of any relationship. It feels like he has these ideas of what our relationship ‘should be’ and ‘should look like,’ and how he ‘should be feeling’ about me at different stages — he even threw out the ‘I’m not sure I love you or will’ phrase when his actions up until then spoke strongly otherwise. It seems like in his mind, all relationships should be easy and not require excessive talking about or work, and he therefore gave up on us without really working at it. I got him to agree that our communication and vulnerability could be much much stronger, and the lack of both probably led us here, and I offered solutions including taking steps back, spending a little less time together, and trying to be more open about our emotions. It was like he knew I was right and there was a lot salvageable, but he kept insisting this was it, he had tried and this was ‘the right thing to do’ and that he missed how connected we felt when he was gone, when it was just us talking, no distractions or anything else.
Is this someone who is talking himself out of something good because it’s easier to run away than fix it? Is this someone who NC and the plans here might work for? I don’t get how he can’t see that trying and being open about communication would help so much here. Basically, I have no idea what just happened….

Maia

May 31, 2016 at 12:58 pm

You mean try after NC? My gut says to give him breathing space before trying again…
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Yes after nc, it’s ok if you want to give him more space before trying again.
Maia

May 27, 2016 at 6:34 pm

Is there a chance here and should I talk to him? Currently doing NC for 45 Days but is it worth talking to him anyway?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 6:55 am

It’s better if you try.. if you try to do it in his love language, then maybe there woukd be change but if not.. you would move on easily because you know you tried
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 11:53 am
Hi Maia,

maybe you have different love languages. Check
this
out.

Sarah

May 10, 2016 at 2:21 am

My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for 8 years. We broke up two months ago, I begged for him back three days after the breakup, which he later told me to move on from him. We broke up over my social media insecurities. He told me that he didn’t know what the future would hold with us. I have had NC with him since. I recently saw that he has started dating someone else, who he met about two weeks ago (month and a half after our breakup)

Is there any way that we can still work out? Is it possible that he will ever come back or has he moved on permanently?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 7:22 am

Hi Sarah,

you could be right but she could be rebound too because 8 years is not easy to forget.. but check out this post too.

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

On again off again.

May 10, 2016 at 12:51 am

What if I already told him this was the last time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 5:44 am

that’s ok the more important thing is that he sees you’ve enough and you’re breaking the cycle by doing no contact

M

May 1, 2016 at 3:10 pm

Dear Chris, my ex and I broke up first time after we hit 6 months mark, then I followed your advice and did no contact, eventually he came back. Please note that we were long distance most of the time, and he came back to me when he moved closer to me again(same continent), we decided to give it a try. I really thought everything will be alright again, but after we hit our one year anniversary, which we celebrated together with a vacation, he broke up with me again 2 weeks after. He said that he still doesn’t feel the deep feeling for me to do long distance for so long, because we won’t end up in the same place for a long time. He also seemed like a different person within the last week, he was cold, emotionless when he broke up with me. My question is do you think these “tactics” would work on a couple with such a serious issue? I am willing to do long distance for however long, and maybe someday move for him, but he seems scared to make such a big promise. From my side, I think when we are together we are amazing with each other, but I understand that long distance is a tough situation. Thank you!!

M

May 1, 2016 at 9:28 pm

Hi Amor! Thank you for getting back to me, I did that and it seems that he is scared of the idea that he will need to commit to a future of us eventually being together in the same place right now. For him, he sees that this would be a big commitment that might eventually lead to marriage. I am still in university and he just started working, so we are both still quite young. When I tried to convince him, but he still stood by his beliefs strongly like last time that he broke up with me. Since he already broke up with me this time, do you still think I should go back and try to convince him or I should do NC and see what happens? Thank you!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 9:37 am

nope… trying to convince him will be annoying for him.. for me you should do nc…
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 5:00 pm

Hi M,

address the situation by telling him how often you can work out to see each other.. coz for ldr to work, you have to have time, money and a plan on when you would be together.. try to talk to him about solutions for that..

Kelli

April 28, 2016 at 2:19 pm

So my boyfriends birthday was Monday we have been dating in a long distance relationship for 11 months. We have had the on and off relationship. This time it was different. He said he was going out , and has just not contacted me since. Prior to that I went and spent the weekend with him 2 weeks ago everything was fine and I really thought we were heading to a good place. Yet I have stuck to my guns and not called him because this shouldn’t be a one sided relationship. A few months ago he unfriended me on Facebook and said I was getting jealous. Probably so…. So are we just done? We have a long history of dating. He was my first boyfriend when we were little. He was my first boyfriend in highschool and we seem to get back together every ten years or so. How do I get him to commit? Or to know to just be done!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 8:40 am

Hi Kelli,

I think it’s more harder this time because you’re long distance. if you want you can try no contact for now before deciding anything.

sabrina

April 20, 2016 at 7:45 pm

i’m going to keep this as short as possible. my ex and i are probably the definition of on again off again. we dated for about 2.5 yrs. this is our 4th break up. the first time, he blamed the breakup on me because he said he was so mad at me. got back together a few months later. during the break time, he was kinda dating a girl he was dating before me.. pathetically, i stuck around the whole time eventually getting back together. second break up, same girl returned and literally chose me over her in his apartment and told her to get out. he had been hanging out with her, but no intimacy whatsoever. third time, she re-entered his life and this time chose her over me… come to find out that a week after choosing her… he instantly regret his decision and came back to me. partially because she was rude to me, was absolutely insane… and he didn’t like that side of her and she was screwing her ex still. which was like a deal breaker for him. during this time, yes he cheated on me with her by kissing her, but they never slept together (believe me the psycho would have told me if they were). we’ve been happy for a few months since then, had a lot of personal obstacles as well that we overcame together… i thought everything was ok but he was getting cold feet again and said that he wants to be fair to me and that he has a wandering eye and wants something different. that he’s not as passionate about me anymore. during all of the previous breakups, i’ve barged my way back into his life – yes, he’s also texted and called wanting to repair the relationship, that he misses me, loves me more than anything etc… but we’ve never done the no contact rule where i leave him alone. after he suggested this 4th break up, i haven’t talked to him since. the last thing he pretty much said is is there anything you want from me? to do or say? and in spite i said everything i’ve wanted from you, you’ve never given me. but to put all my clothes in a box outside and i’ll leave his.. apparently he worked til late that day. so i said fine tomorrow then and no answer from him… it’ll be 2 weeks on sunday of me following NC. interesting though.. after just one week of NC, he went on my fb page, liked a meme i posted.. then immediately unfriended me. is this part of him wondering why i’m not contacting him to get a stir out of me or is he just really done this time? i’m usually the crazy gf who is emotional and blowing him up or showing up to his place upset after these breakups.. but this time i did nothing. he hasn’t contacted me at all since so what do you think?

Sabrina

April 24, 2016 at 6:25 pm

Yeah you’re right. We kind of talked the next day as a closure text basically telling him thanks for everything, that he’ll always have a special place in my heart, and I’ll always love him. He replied saying thank you for loving me more than I have ever been loved and for understanding me more than anyone else. It was bittersweet. I think they need to play out their relationship so he can stop fantasizing about it. It could be a disaster or maybe it’s what he’s been dreaming of. Either way, it’s so hard to let go. I’m starting NC all over again.
Sabrina

April 23, 2016 at 6:09 am

You answered my question ln 4/22…..Well I just found out that, that same girl is back in his life. She messaged me asking if it’s really over… to get my stuff… etc. I’m so freaking fed up. What is going on… is this a rebound or has he wanted her the whole time we’ve been together? What do I do. I caved and texted him really short that he’s killing me and also for her to never contact me again. He didn’t say anything of course. What now.. :/
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 2:53 pm

I think he’s being selfish.. it’s like he’ll go with whoever treats him better or who he misses at that time.. for me you should move on. If he really loves you, he has to stop doing this, it’s like he’s using the both of you.. She probably thinks the same thing as you are, that he might be playing her too and wondering if he’ll get back to you if they have a fight or if he gets bored..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 22, 2016 at 12:52 pm

Hi Sabrina,

yeah, That’s his way of getting your attention because he’s not used to you doing this.. be proactive in improving yourself and posting your activities so he will miss you more

julia

April 15, 2016 at 2:50 pm

hello chris
I’ve been using your site for almost two years and you helped me well enough with my ex boyfriends
this post is not related to this section but i couldn’t find anything where i can get the information from
this guys is not my ex
so i met this guy in uni we started talking non stop then we went out once after uni but stile didn’t take my number
and the next time i saw him he took it
then he texted me once after class to see me,then once he came under my dorms “to study” but we didn’t study anything and talked for 3 hours in a row
2 days ago smh very weird happened the guys were throwing sex jokes and he turned to me and said ” with all respect to you,anyway i consider u one of the guys” then he remained silent for 3 seconds and added “of course in a good way”
i texted him at night and we went out and had a great time together,he showed me his favorite places he made me meet his friends
it might sound very ideal,but i have to say that he is sending me mixed signals
once i feel I’m only his friend
and once i feel he is interested into more
today i saw him in uni and he said only hi,and then i sawed him one more time in uni
and i told him to come stand with me he told me “no u come” then pointed on the place very close to him and then he put his hand on his heart and said “come to my heart” i laughed but didn’t go
then he left with his friends
i really don’t know how should i act with him
i really like him a lot
i read ur book ungetable girl
maybe u candies me smth?
thank u so much
+he doesn’t talk to me on social media
only at uni

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 3:55 am

Hi Julia,

Thank you for reading our stuff for two years now.. If you read the ungettable girl, do you have any question about it? You have to spark attraction.. he sees you as one of the boys, that means you have to be more feminine for him to see you as girl friend material.. I don’t know how you are but I’m not saying there’s something wrong with you.. But most of the time, to get out being one of the boys, it has to start with the physical attraction..
julia

April 15, 2016 at 2:51 pm

but still he didn’t take my number***

Anna

April 10, 2016 at 6:01 am

me and my boyfriend has been together for almost 2 years, but there are arguments last week and becomes worst now that firstly he’ve given me chance then spae then now he just wants to stop. He said that the feeling in our relationship getting back together is not mutual anymore. i was so hurt and didnt manage to reply. I have been needy and clingy for the rest in our relationship and there was an on and off in our relationship and unfortunately this is the longest time we are not talking from one another ( like a week). i’m afraid maybe he’s gotten over me already and move on.. I know ive done mistakes but i know he loves me truly but now he just gets annoyed. and now im trying NC but idk how long i can endure it, since we are working in a same company. i dont know what to do.. ill be resigning by end of this month and i want to ask him if we still have a chance but i know its not enough time for him to decide.. what do i do? do we still have a chance? we are both firsts and we are hoping we are both lasts, but he grew tired of me thats what he said. he’s completely not contacting me now and im so miserable.

Anna

April 12, 2016 at 2:37 am

Okay, but im now having my own life and i think he’s having he’s own life too. I’m afraid he might get totally over me.. How do i know if he still wants me back ? we’re in the office and i always see him
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 7:35 pm

YOu’ve been two years together.. It takes 66 days to make or break a habit, so if he got over you in a span of a month, that means he may have been starting to be during the relationship.. That’s really how it works in a relationship, if you can’t talk it out, you have to risk losing him instead of chasing him because you already tried to talk to him but it didn’t work. It’s better to lose somebody who doesn’t want to listen than to force yourself and make the relationship unbalanced because you become the chaser.. It has to be equal.
Anna

April 11, 2016 at 12:01 am

Im so devastated right now and i dont know what to do. Please help me, what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 12:12 pm

Sorry..I meant do no contact and focus in yourself so you can be more independent and have standards so you won’t be clingy anymore.. Have your own life, have balance..try it for 30 days.. put yourself first
Anna

April 10, 2016 at 11:56 pm

So there is really have no chance? I have to move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 10:55 am

HI Anna,

YOu have to have your own life.. You have to build new routines and new friends, asking him if you still have a chance would be like chasing him.. Especially when he said he grew tired of you..

Debbie Taylor

April 7, 2016 at 5:13 pm

BF and I live in different states. Together for 8 months. He came to visit me once a month and I would fly to see him for 2 weeks. Texts, phone calls were great and we talked about him moving here one day. We are very physically, emotionally and otherwise compatible. Then after 7 months noticed his communication became inconsistent. He took longer to reply to texts. Sometimes I would text and he took hours or next day to return message. Asked him what was happening and his answer was full of excuses, like work, family matters, sickness. He did not get to the heart of the matter.

After 1 month of this I told him due to lack of communication and effort on his part, we will have to go our separate ways. He sounded upset but still refused to open up about anything. Decided to go into NC. Two months went by and not a word from him, so I text to see how things were. He responded promptly to my texts and always said a lot in the replies.

But if I stopped initiating he would not begin a text conversation. Stopped texting to see what would happen. Another 2 months go by, still no contact from him. Tried to text one more time. He did reply quickly and say lots in the messages.

Is my NC not working? He won’t make any contact with me but replies if I initiate things. Do you know what is happening here? Was he just being nice in replying to me? This has been an off & on relationship but the longer NC period does not work. Should I just move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 4:20 am

Hi Debbie,

after those tries, it looks like it’s better to move on

Bonita

April 6, 2016 at 11:22 pm

Hi Chris, Amor & team. I am in a complicated position and think it’s probably too late for me to do No Contact for my on/off relationship. January 2016 my live in boyfriend broke up with me. Its been about 2 years since our last breakup. We had a fight where I told him I don’t feel comfortable looking into purchasing a house (we were renting) later this year if we weren’t married. He agrees & stated he wouldn’t like it as well and nothing has gotten better with the relationship (which I was shocked to hear because I thought we were okay). I excused myself from the situation and a couple days later when I calmed down and tried to talk he was talking to me like in past tense that he “DID love me or he “WAS in love with me and was done.” Of course I was emotional and asked him if he really wanted this, he changed his answer to he has to think about. He also over the course of the next day or 2 told me what he had issues with (i.e. need to cook more, organization, stop being too dominant) so for the next two weeks or so I worked on the issues had meals waiting for him etc. I kept asking at least once a week about the relationship & even begged once to stop playing and say we were together. He kept giving me the run around saying a part of him says yes and a part of him says no. One time he even told me, what would other people think. So I started backing off doing things for him, but we lived together and still talked about random things almost daily. On Feb 14th he brought up the fact that he “doesn’t feel comfortable living with his EX & wants to move out” I remained calm and told him if he wanted to leave i can’t stopped him. Around this time I found out he was talking and going on dates with another girl. I confronted him about it he didn’t deny it, and on social media started liking her status & pictures, and vice versa she liking his stuff. About a week later I found this site and tried implementation of no contact and trying to be a friendly roommate. After not seeing any progress I caved & asked him to write me a letter for closure, & he did. This letter talked about how selfish I was and that he felt I never had time for him, & never try to make time. Then parts of the letter was like there’s something he saw in me that he cannot ignore and that the living situation puts him on edge, that he hates how this got this way, but he will always love me, & he’s sorry for everything. He mentioned he will be moving out by the end of March. I did respond back apologizing & stated i hope one day he can forgive me. Whenever we saw let each other after that he still didn’t bring up the letters or relationship. We barely said hi & bye to each other. One day when I asked about bill money conversation went sour and he asked me questions like if I was excited about his move, & am i happy to move on. I told him I was exhausted and let’s talk about this another day. He said we will talk about it the next time he sees me, but he never brought it up. He completely moved out on April 2nd. Before he left he asked me if he left anything to “put it in a box,” but that’s it no further instructions such as to text it or mail it. He also asked me for a hug before I left for a few hours to allow alone time for him to move his stuff out. Funny thing is he did leave some items but I don’t know if I should contact him now, or do 30 days again, or if it’s all around too late! We’ve broken up once or twice before, but we’ve been together about 6 years rounded together. He’s my best friend, & I’ve seen what I did wrong & have been working on myself even though I doubt he fully see his flaws yet. Should I start a full on 30 day, 45 day, etc & if so what about the few personal things he left behind? Help me please!!

Bonita

April 13, 2016 at 1:47 pm

Thank you. He has not contacted me back about when he wanted to pick up his stuff, but within the last 48 hours he’s unfriended/unfollow me officially on all social media. I don’t need to text him again about his stuff, right?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 14, 2016 at 6:40 am

nope..he’ll get it if he really needs it
Bonita

April 11, 2016 at 5:00 pm

I was actually trying to do no contact since he moved out, which is why I was hesitant about reaching out to let him know he had things left 5 days later. But if he texts back about his stuff should I go ahead & get it to him asap (since he’s all so busy suddenly & haven’t schedule a time for pickup), or take my time returning them & restart no contact as Day 1?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 8:48 am

It’s ok to talk about his things because that’s his, as long as you don’t have a small talk and a talk about feelings and your relationship, you’re not breaking nc
Bonita

April 10, 2016 at 2:35 pm

I texted him about picking up his things. His response was “ok thank you i’ll let you know when I’m free enough to get them”. I didnt respond back. Next day him & his friends, posting pics him out with the new girl on social media. I feel cheap. I know he called a quits in Jan, but did he really move on & happy with this new girl when he just moved out about 7 days ago? What now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 6:34 am

He’s starting to date but that doesn’t mean he has totally moved on right ahead… are you going to try no contact after he gets his things?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 10:27 am

Hi Bonita,

COntact him about the things so, he can pick it up.. Actually it’s not really an on off relationship because your last break up was 2 years ago.. I think he’s in the Grass is greener syndrome and sees the other girl better.. You can still try no contact for yourself.. Try to focus more on you and heal this time, improve yourself and try not to think about him much during nc..

Emma

April 3, 2016 at 2:37 pm

Hi Chris/Amor & Co,

I started dating my boyfriend in July 2015 and we hit it off right away and had some great times together until he broke it off with me at the end of November. I was devastated and tried not to contact him but he kept texting me and after a week asked to meet up and ‘catch up’. We started seeing each other every week, then slept together and were having the best dates ever all over again. He couldn’t stop kissing me and at the end of December he said he wanted me back. I was over the moon! We even arranged our first proper trip abroad together in January and it was great. However, a week later he left me again and I was blindsided. I thought we had both realised that life apart sucked! I didn’t see him for a month because it was too difficult but we continued texting every day, until I said I really missed him and wanted to see him. We had a great ‘date’ and all the chemistry was all there again. Since then we’ve hung out several times- he’s invited me to ‘our’ pub, we’ve got to the cinema, out for dinner twice and have slept together twice, including one time I stayed at his flat and he held me all night before listening to music with me for hours in the morning.

All going really well? The problem is that we have these amazing dates and he admits he still has feelings for me and very much enjoys spending time with me, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me. He keeps saying eventually we have to stop this because every time ends in me crying. He’s now stopped sleeping with me and is saying maybe I need to cut him out completely/get a new boyfriend in order to move on and that he just wants me to happy. The problem is that his friends and family really don’t like me…he’s hiding it from them that he’s seeing me again. I was quite jealous and clingy in the FIRST relationship and I would get upset when he spent whole weekends with his friends, but in the SECOND relationship I had fixed all of this and we didn’t have a single argument about him seeing his friends…but he decided to get a lodger which was a massive problem for me so we argued about that. Turns out the lodger is never in the flat anyway!!

I love this man more than anything and I feel very strongly we will be together again/I will end up with him. He says that what we are doing right now is not a ‘trial run’ and won’t lead to us getting back together. I asked him what about in 6 months or 5 years, how do you know the future? And he said he doesn’t know the future, all he knows is how he feels now. He’s far too busy with work to be able to date anyone else and isn’t sure he wants a girlfriend at all so I’m not too worried about him finding someone else but I don’t know how to get past his resistance. All I need is a chance to show that we can have a happy relationship without the stresses of arguments and the pressure that I wrongly put on him in the past.

It has been 2 months since the break up. Should I encourage him to keep seeing me as we are? He says he does have feelings for me and wants to kiss me all the time but he’s basically stopping himself to stop me/him getting hurt. Or shall I implement no contact for the first time? We have gone a month without seeing each other but never stopped talking. I know he wants me to be part of his life and he’ll hate the no contact but I’m scared he’ll either A) never contact me because he thinks its best for me or B) keep chatting to me and giving me breadcrumbs because he likes the chase but still doesn’t want me back.
Is it too late for no contact?
Getting him back through dating him and sleeping together worked before but now I feel like his defences are super high and he can see us going down that road and it worries him.

Thank you so much, I’m so lost.

Emma

April 7, 2016 at 6:27 pm

Hi Amor,
Thank you so much for your reply.
Do you mean I should cut off all contact and if so do I announce it first? Or do no initiated contact? The problem is he knows I would have him back no matter what and the door will always be open to him. I even said that if I date other guys it won’t mean anything to me (I have a date tomorrow and I’m dreading it). Should I actively tell him it’s over, no more chances?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 4:24 am

You don’t have to tell him no more chances but you can tell him that he is right and you’re going to move on.. and then do no contact
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2016 at 10:18 am

Hi Emma,

it’s better if you keep distant because you will look like hanging onto him and chasing him if you stayed after he said he really doesn’t want a relationship and he even stopped the sex himself.. Try to do no contact and focus on yourself first before trying to rebuild the relationship

CH

March 24, 2016 at 10:34 pm

Hey! (sorry i put this under the wrong page)

I notice now that there is actually someone who is replying back. I would really appreciate some advice on my situation. My ex and I had an on and off relationship for a year and a few months. The last time we got back together which was 7 months ago. I did do NC never for too long though because he would text me and could tell he was on the fence so we decided to be friends and it actually worked. He regretted his decision and we got back together. This time things feel different. He is saying things that he has said before “I do not love you.” “I want to date other girls” he always seem to say this when breaking up with me but when we get back together its so obvious that he loves me so I don’t know how true this is. My question is that do you think that this method would work. Things feel different this time around. I did do no contact when he first broke up with me and he did text me within 4 days but ever since then we’ve been arguing and I can’t apply NC because Im scared of him never messaging me again. He has deep seated trust issues that even I can’t shake but I can’t give up on him. I love him too much. Ugh…. this sucks if I knew that relationship can get this painful I would have stayed single!!

ch

April 7, 2016 at 3:50 pm

Hey there, Thank you for replying to me AMOR! So a few days after I left that comment we got back together but the whole time I was so unhappy…. He wasn’t texting me as often and he didn’t even want to come and see me when I told him that my father died and I need some emotional support. That was the straw that broke the camels back. At that very moment I went numb and have been ignoring his text ever since that night. Although he has hurt me I am happy this had happened because what has happened seemed to make me fall out of love with him completely. I no longer feel the need to get back with him. I fought so hard for so long for this relationship and Im sick of it. This relationship should have ended the very first time that he broke up with me. I hate to be that person dishing out the hurt but I’m officially done with him. there is nothing in me that wants him anymore and I don’t have any respect for him as a person. I feel like he will ask for me back in the future and I don’t want to hurt him because that not what I’m about but I don’t want it anymore. I know that I’m over it because I no longer feel physically ill when thinking about us and when I picture him with another girl, I feel nothing but relief. I have the strength to do NC now because the fear of losing him is not there. I would be fine with never seeing or talking to him ever again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 4:16 am

Condolence to you and your family CH.. Don’t worry when you love yourself people will see that and you’ll attract better guys
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 12:07 pm

Hi Chantell,

All of us are afraid to lose our boyfriend or girlfriend but the truth is, we can’t force them to stay. If we play too safe then he’ll end up having more power than you. It should be equal. Men make an effort when they know the woman can stand on her own if he leaves.

Dominique

March 15, 2016 at 6:33 pm

i have been dating this kid for seven years since seventh grade we are now in our second year of college. we have had an on again off again relationship. We break up almost every time we get into an argument but then end up working on it in the next few days. Well he dumped me in October and didn’t come back to me till January 2nd (longest we broke up). things were great and way better but then i was told he was going to south padre with a couple of girls and guys. the girls in which I did not like because she liked him and always rubbed it in my face that she stayed the night at his house because his family loves her. he dumped me because we apparently fight too much. it has been two weeks with out a single word from him. Is he gone for good this time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 2:40 pm

Hi Dominique,

I hope I can answer that. But the greater probability is that it may take longer to get him back.. Both of you has to have a restart, a break from everything negative and have a start over in order to have a better relationship next time.

Amanda

March 14, 2016 at 12:45 am

Hi! I absolutely love this website; it has helped me so much. Anyway, my ex broke up with me two days ago. We have an on again off again relationship (our second breakup in 2 years and we live an hour away from each other) We broke up because we got into an argument and I kept pushing him to talk to me. I didn’t give him the space he needed to “cool down”. This time when he broke up with me, he said something I’ve never heard him say before; he said he is done trying to make this work and that I need to find someone else. He also told me that he would bring my stuff to my place if I wanted it back 🙁 I am not sure how to handle the situation. I don’t want to be with anyone else; just him. Do you think he is 100% over the relationship and I should be too? Or should I keep my hope and try a no contact? Thank you for the advice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 9:49 am

Hi Amanda,

I actually read your previous posts.. And since you’ve done multiple no contact, even if you do it now, there’s a very small chance that it will work and also the truth is..

you have to be emotionally independent first.. I get that you love him but if you can love somebody who is childish, what more somebody that treats you right?

If you can love somebody without having the need for them to stay all the time l, that’s true love because that means you have enough for yourself and you’re loving him from your own, not just getting affections and love from him..

It would still hurt if he leaves of course but you will know when it is right to fight or give up

Susan

March 10, 2016 at 6:30 pm

Hi Chris,

After 5 months of dating my ex broke up with me. I followed your guide and after 90 days we were back together. Only a few months later he left again. We didn’t put the work in to fix our original issues. I went NC for 30days and HE contacted me and wanted to talk. Quickly I realized he only wanted the physical side of the relationship. I would go NC for a couple weeks and then reach out. He always replied but the replies were neutral unless the conversation went to the physical. I went NC for another 3 weeks and reached out and he replied right away again but neutral. It’s now been almost 4 months. Ive done a LOT of work on myself and know what went wrong and what needs to be fixed but how do I get to the positive response not these one word replied? Can I get him back again?

Susan

March 11, 2016 at 4:02 am

Hi Amor,
Thank you for your thoughts. Do you think I can’t get him back again? That there’s no way to fix this?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 11:11 am

Most of the time, even if it’s seems shallow,men come back when at the time when they see you’ve improved a lot and you’ve moved on–the ungettable girl principle.. They have this feeling of wanting something they don’t have, especially if it was knce theirs.. So, I think you have a chance..since you also said he was attracted back physically at first
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 12:47 am

Hi Susan,

it’s hard to say, especially it’s been long..but may he got used to you always the one reaching out and then stopping contact.. I think next step is either to choose whether

1) To talk to him sincerely and tell him how you feel and then try to move on because honestly when you try to open up all of a sudden, he can be taken off guard and stop talking but at least he will know your feelings and you’ll be free of it.. and when you try to move on after that, he may comfortable enough to initiate a convo with you

2) Work on a better topic for convos

3) Try to just move on..

AN

February 28, 2016 at 9:06 pm

Mi name is Nicolle and when my boyfriend and I started dating Things were great. We fought a little, but just the normal. I can honestly said he adored me. When we started our relationship he y old be how he did not wanted to date when he left, but his mind change and we kept dating. Things bengan yo change when he left for college. At first I was very depressed because we used to do everything together. He used to include me in Every single thing. But then he bécame busy with his university experience and I bacame clingy. Then we started to fight about how he never had time for me. He did not had time to skype or to talk. It made me very sad. Eventually he asked me for a break. He eventually got mad at me because I kept telling him how he wanted the break over somebody else. After a 3 day nc he eventually talked to me and treated me nicely. After 2 months he decided to ask me to be his gf again. All of this happened with him being far away. When he came back after the spring semester (8 months without seeing each other in person)Things were great. When he left again though again in August things started of great. We thought it would be easier than the first time, but it wasn’t. He stopped being romantic and that made me sad for he had been extremely sweet before. It got to a point were he got very agressive one time I fell asleep and did not had phone sex. The next day was a complete disaster her was mad and I was mad. He said a lot of mean things to me about my past and then broke up with me. With the hope of getting him back the same way we got back together previously I kept in communication with him, but I did not felt as if he still loves me the same. He came home for his brother graduation in December (different countries) and we hang out as BF and gf. The only things was that to me he was still not the same. When the time came for him to leave in January he promised me to work on his aggressiveness and to treat me better. Eventually he did but he still he was not sweet as before. He kept sending me kisses and telling me he loved me every time, but 7 days ago he broke up with me again. He said that he did not love me anymore and that it did not grow on him to be sweet with me. This broke me completely and I tried to remain calm. I don’t understand how that happened ? How a 2 year and 4 month relationship can turn into no love? I am not ready to give up on him. Like Chris said this could be the love of my life. I have been on the no contact rule for 6 days now. I thought he would have contact me by now but he hasn’t. Yesterday would have been another month for us and I thought he would have said something but he did not. I uploaded a nice picture of me on Instagram yesterday and it was very late at night when he liked it. I really don’t know what to do. I miss him terribly. Can I get him back? I am doing my best to keep the NC rule, it is hard since he was my best friend.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 9:27 am

Hi An,

I think it’d not sudden Maybe he got tired because he knows he’s nit fulfilling your needs..It’s really hard to do long distance.. especially he’s in college.. I think there is but if ever you get back with each other, you have to talk about meeting each other mkre in person

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