By Chris Seiter

Published on July 17th, 2023

Today we’re going to talk about how long it takes a male dumper to regret their decision to leave you.

And yes, statistically speaking if you have wound up on this article your ex was probably the one to break up with you,

I feel I’m very uniquely positioned to answer this question for a lot of different reasons but before I get into what those reasons are let’s quickly answer the question this is actually about,

In my opinion, I believe that the most likely time frame for when a male dumper will regret their decision is around 3-4 months post breakup (assuming a few things have happened first.)

Now, I’m going to spend the rest of this article essentially arguing my point to show you why I am so adamant about this timeframe.

Let’s begin!

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A Disclaimer About Reputable Research & What The New Generative AI Says:

I think it’s time for an honest discussion about the state, or rather lack, of research out there.

Recently, I had the interesting experience of getting special early access to Google’s Generative AI.

While this may seem like a bit of a detour, bear with me. Generative AI is essentially Google’s response to chat GPT, Microsoft’s chat bot. The intriguing aspect of Google’s Generative AI is that it aims to be much more accurate, avoiding the data hallucinations often seen with chat GPT.

Naturally, this piqued my curiosity.

Historically, it has been incredibly challenging to find any data on the timeframe it takes to win an ex back.

I’ve often relied on my own data, but I’ve never really found any research that provides a specific timeline backed by peer reviewed research.

So I turned to Google’s Generative AI for answers, and this is what it had to say.

And here were its answers:

  • According to research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup
  • A recent study found that it takes an average of 5.2 months for an ex to come back after a breakup
  • A survey of 260 men found that it takes an average of 3.46 months to get back together with an ex-girlfriend after a breakup
  • 77% of men in the survey reconciled with their ex-girlfriends within 4 months of breaking up
  • If you average all the reputable research, there’s about a 43.5% chance your ex will come back without doing anything
  • 20-25% of clients get back together with their exes, usually within a few months
  • Most of them (around 70%) don’t come back

If you look closely at the attached screenshot above, you’ll see that yours truly was featured in the Generative AI’s response.

But I actually find that worrisome.

In fact, every result from the Generative AI is troubling, as none of it is backed by peer-reviewed research or based in actual science.

I bring this up not to criticize Generative AI, but to emphasize the chaotic nature of the breakup industry.

So, to truly answer the question of how long it takes a male dumper to feel regret, we need to look at the puzzle pieces we do have and make an educated guess, à la the Socratic Method.

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Using The Socratic Method To Make A Good Educated Guess

If you’re not familiar, Socrates proposed this method based on the belief that to understand the true essence of something,

  • We need to ask questions or assert a thesis
  • Then meticulously scrutinize the premises to determine their validity.
  • If an exception to a premise arises, we must refine it for precision.
  • Repeating this process until no exceptions are found likely means we’ve arrived at a truth, or at least a general principle.

That’s the approach I want to take.

I will examine the puzzle pieces that real research has provided and prove their veracity. From there, we can construct a scenario and make an educated guess as to how long it will take for your ex to regret breaking up with you.

So let’s consider the pieces of the puzzle we have to work with.

Puzzle Piece #1: Most Of The Exes We Study Are Avoidant

The majority of exes we have studied exhibit avoidant behavior.

This means that in the past ten years, most people I have looked into tend to possess a core wound that causes them to retreat at anything threatening their independence.

With this assumption, we can gain insights into what triggers them and why they react the way they do.

Puzzle Piece #2: Most The Exes We Study Are Male

About 90% of the exes we study are male.

This is a screenshot of our community statistics,

Most of our clients are female which means they are trying to get their male exes back.

Hence, when I said earlier that I felt uniquely positioned to answer this specific question, I truly meant it. I have extensively studied male exes who exhibit avoidant behavior, which I believe puts me in a solid position to at least provide a well-informed guess on the most likely timeframe within which your ex is going to regret breaking up with you.

Puzzle Piece #3: Here’s How Long We Think It Takes For Exes To Come Back

The next puzzle piece involves success stories.

One of the unique aspects of how we operate at Ex Boyfriend Recovery is our focus on interviewing our success stories – people who have bought our program or participated in our community and successfully got their ex back.

These interviews can last anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half.

I ask them questions that I think would be beneficial to our podcast listeners.

Crucially, I strive to make them comfortable enough that they don’t feel obligated to say they followed my advice to the letter. Many guests on our podcast feel pressure not to contradict anything I’ve said, but that’s not my focus.

What matters to me is understanding what truly worked.

Through this process, we’ve gained insight into:

  • The importance of attachment styles
  • How to manage fearful avoidant exes.
  • And a lot more

However, one significant discovery comes from averaging the success times of all our interviewed subjects.

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On average, it took approximately 5.2 months for their exes to return. It’s worth noting that this 5.2-month period starts from when they began working with us in our community program, not from the onset of the breakup.

This likely implies that the actual time it takes to win your ex back could be longer – possibly six to seven, or even eight months.

Puzzle Piece #4: Understanding When Avoidants Will Miss You

Another piece of the puzzle is the consistent research suggesting that avoidant individuals are most likely not going to regret or miss you until you’ve moved on or at least appear to have done so.

This is why, during discussions about the no-contact rule on my podcast or YouTube videos, I emphasize the importance of adopting an outgrowth mindset and truly moving on.

Doing this lowers the avoidant individual’s defenses, increasing the likelihood that they’ll miss you.

We refer to this concept as nostalgic reverie.

I’ve frequently talked about this in my videos on avoidance, and though I’ve repeated it hundreds of times, not many people truly take it to heart. Nevertheless, it may be the most critical piece of the puzzle.

Puzzle Piece #5: The Nature Of Regret

The next piece involves understanding the nature of regret.

Generally speaking, there’s a certain cause-and-effect pattern we’ve observed among clients who’ve gotten their exes back.

  • First, the ex starts to miss them.
  • Then they begin to regret the decision to break up.
  • Finally, they take action to reunite.

It’s crucial for you to grasp this concept because it will significantly inform everything I’m about to say.

Your ex first needs to miss you. However, a common mistake I see is that people often confuse an ex missing them with an ex regretting their decision.

While it’s perfectly normal for an ex to miss you, a few other factors need to align for them to regret their decision.

Putting The Puzzle Pieces Together

Putting this puzzle together involves applying what we know to be true about the ‘Avoidant Death Wheel’ timeframe.

For reference, here’s that:

By now, I’m quite well-known for the ‘Avoidant Death Wheel’.

If you’re not familiar with it, take a look at the graphic above.

It essentially divides the avoidant person’s post-breakup experience into eight distinct stages.

  1. I want someone to love me
  2. I found someone my troubles are over
  3. Hey, there’s some worrying things I’ve noticed
  4. I’m thinking of leaving this relationship
  5. I actually left this relationship
  6. I’m so happy that I actually left
  7. I’m starting to feel lonely
  8. Why can’t I ever find the right person?

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article titled ‘I Pinpoint How Long Until Your Ex Misses You Without Contact‘.

In it, I found that, typically, your ex starts missing you about two to three months post-breakup.

However, as I mentioned earlier, it’s vital to take all the puzzle pieces into account.

So, firstly, we know that most of the exes we’ve studied are avoidants.

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This insight is why we’re calling upon the ‘Avoidant Death Wheel’ for clarity.

Secondly, remember that avoidants won’t regret or miss you until you’ve moved on or seem to have done so. Hence, their regret hinges a lot on your ability to outgrow them.

If that element is missing, then everything I’m discussing won’t be as effective.

Also, it’s crucial for you to accept the concept that an ex typically misses you first, followed by regretting the decision, and then taking action to reconcile.

So, while my article posits that it takes around two to three months for an ex to miss you post-breakup, they need to reach stages seven or eight of the ‘Avoidant Death Wheel’ to genuinely miss you.

However, don’t forget that missing you and regretting the breakup aren’t the same thing. Missing usually precedes regret. Your ex needs to experience and sit with the feeling of missing you for a while before they feel regret.

Therefore, I’d argue that around months three to four post-breakup, assuming all other factors we’ve discussed are present, is when your ex is most likely to regret leaving you.


Understanding how and when an ex might regret ending a relationship is a complex task, requiring the examination of various factors. Predominantly, our focus is on avoidant men, as they constitute the majority of the exes we’ve studied.

The ‘Avoidant Death Wheel’ helps us decode their post-breakup experiences, which typically involve a phase of missing their partner around two to three months post-breakup.

However, it’s crucial to remember that missing and regretting are distinct stages in this process. In most cases, the feeling of regret surfaces around the third to fourth month after the breakup, provided the ex-partner appears to have moved on and you’ve adopted an outgrowth mindset.

It’s important to bear in mind that this timeline is not set in stone and depends on the specific dynamics of the individual and the relationship.

While it may take time and patience to navigate through a breakup and its aftermath, understanding these stages can offer some clarity and direction.

It is our hope that this knowledge can guide you through this challenging journey with more confidence and understanding.

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2 thoughts on “How Long It Takes For Male Dumpers To Regret”

  1. Britney Sopher

    July 18, 2023 at 1:27 pm

    V good material, thank you for this write-up, gave me food for thought!

  2. Anna Zubrova

    July 18, 2023 at 12:10 pm

    This article was SUPER helpful to me, thank you Chris!