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kessy
December 14, 2013 at 4:11 am
@ Black wings my advise is for you to get over your emotion from what you have written you need to get over your emotion and the best way to do that is the no contact for a short period and while in no contact try and go on dates at least but do not sleep with the guys go out friends have good time and when you feel your emotion is controlled you can contact him and if he brings up the conversation of the break up tell him you do not think now is the best time to talk about that and you want to enjoy this time as much as him.
Nicole
December 13, 2013 at 8:31 pm
Ok, so I’ve been in no contact with my ex for 10 days now. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago. Yesterday I graduated from college, my mom invited him & his mother, but neither of them came. (His mom called me last night & apologized for not showing up, she was sick.) When we were at dinner last night, my uncle called my ex & before I knew it my uncle, mom, & stepdad had all talked to him right in front of me. It really pissed me off!
He didn’t acknowledge my graduation with an innocent text either.
It was also embarrassing when one of his friends asked me where he was. The only thing I could I say was “Idk…” I mean I honestly didn’t know where he was & I was completely embarrassed.
Right now I know he’s emotionally hurt & confused because I broke up with him 2 weeks ago, then tried to get back together a week later. So I know he’s really hurting right now. I felt bad when I was talking to his mom last night, she seemed extremely sad. I was telling her about my plans for the next few months & she sounded happy for me, but sad that I’m not around. There were awkward moments of silence.
I know social media is a horrible thing, but he likes & posts the weirdest things. I know if I were to confront him about that (which I won’t) he would say “That doesn’t mean anything.” I saw from my mom’s fb that he posted stuff like “My mom always told me to find a nice girl with a good head on her shoulders.” & “When you have a nice person you don’t let them go.” Then he liked stuff like “I wish I could meet that one person for the first time again.” I know he does this stuff to get my attention, in hopes that I’ll call or text him, because he’s so distraught, & bored with life. He also told my mom that he had class during my graduation, but when they called he wasn’t even at school. So I definitely know now he didn’t go out of pure guilt.
From a male perspective though what does all of this stuff that he says or does mean?
admin
December 14, 2013 at 9:55 pm
I think you hit it on the head with him trying to get your attention… or catch your eye somehow.
BLACK WINGS
December 13, 2013 at 3:56 pm
Hi Chris,
I have done 5 weeks no contact after the breakup and reached out to him after. It started really great until he refused my suggestion to be friends, he siad it would be too painful for him to be my friend, he only wanted us back as couple otherwise he would not talk to me again. I happily accepted and that was the time everything turned. I said something caused him brought up all the old pains and I was silly enough to follow the whole discussion, our emotion went to the peak again and ended up in another fighting. We almost broke up the second time before we even get back together. Today I am back to square one.
He asked what do I want, I said I want to work this out, he said not with things like now. He still replied me but very very cold. Seems all my efforts become garbage now. I have already tried no contact, what else I can do now? 30 days no contact again? Will it work one more time? I am about to give up, it is just so much pain. Maybe the best thing to do after a breakup should have been never want an ex back, contacting an ex can easily send everyone back to devastating.
linly
December 13, 2013 at 12:45 am
My ex broke it off with me a week ago because he couldn’t see a future together because my parents disliked him for no reason and the distance started taking a toll on our relationship. We were together for a year and worked together before we had to become a long distance couple because he left for school. He constantly messages me because he says he wants to be friends. He doesn’t want to lose the friendship that we have. He is coming back in a week for a month during winter break. The question is would I lose a second chance if I do no contact? And if I stayed in contact with him until he graduates next year would that put me in the friend zone? Should I just give up hope?
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:24 pm
It might… sometimes you have to draw the line between being friends and being romantic.
Lexi
December 12, 2013 at 7:50 pm
Hi Chris. I’m 17 years old, and my boyfriend of a year and 3 months ended things because my mom found out things about us and didn’t want us to be together anymore. My dads okay with me being with him, its my mom that has a problem. At first we ignored what my mom said and continued to date but it got harder as time went on. We haven’t seen each other at all since this happened two months ago. We tried but something would ether come up on my end or his. We broke up but still basically talked like we were going to get back together again. Last night we got on the brink of ending things for good because I found out that he has been flirting with other girls while I’m over here waiting for him, not interested in anyone else. That really hurts me but despite all of this, I love him. I read your article and I was thinking about doing these steps, but I’m not sure yet. I know the relationship will be easier once I get a car, which will be soon, and when I turn 18. I’m not sure what to do..
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:04 pm
How old is your boyfriend?
Lexi
December 14, 2013 at 5:06 pm
19 now.
Lily
December 12, 2013 at 5:28 am
Ok, My boyfriend and I stayed together for a year and a half, he broke up with me 2 months ago because he said that I wasn’t the same person he felt in love with and things had changed, however I am good friends with his sister, family and friends and they all told how much he has been asking about me, he texted me a few times to make sure I was ok I haven’t replied and I basically started seeing other guys even though I still in love with my ex, I went back to the gym ( which he also goes to) I lost a lot of weight, I’ve been going out with my girlfriends and every time I am out he is there staring at me, last week we had a few drinks and we end up getting together in front of everyone (my friends and his friends) we slept together and he told me how much he still loves me and misses me, that everything been so hard for him, that he possibly would like to get back together, but he still confused of his feelings, WHICH is confuses me even more, sometimes he is a dick head and sometimes he is amazing, he seems really confused but in the end of the day we both know that we love each other, but I told him that I was seeing someone else, and now he is absolutely paranoid that I will get into a new relationship and we’ve been kind of texting each other and he keeps asking me about my “new boyfriend”, two days ago I went to the gym and he was there as well and he was speaking with this girl at the gym which later he told told me that he hooked up with her a few weeks ago..he is not really a type of a guy that would be disrespectful or anything, but that really pissed me off, especially because she is awful, in the same day at the gym he came to me and asked if I would like to spend Christmas with him and his family.. and he keeps texting me and asking random questions and out of the blue we start to argue.. we always had a great relationship but I think I was really stressed and confused at certain point that he got confused and walked away. ok now.. I dont know whats happening I never been in that situation before.. I love him, I know he loves me but its all so confusing and I dont know what to do!! does he wants me back? I dont understand it.
H E L P
admin
December 12, 2013 at 7:16 pm
Are you attempting some type of no contact?
Lily
December 12, 2013 at 7:33 pm
I have tried but I am so bad at it! to be honest I am terrible with the NC..
Lauren
December 12, 2013 at 1:27 am
Hi, my ex and I broke up around a month ago, we were almost at 2 years together. I tried everything, desperate me, just to figure out that I did all wrong. I seriously tried everything, telling him how I loved him. I have come to the conclusion that the only way I will get him back is if let him go. I am on day 3 of no contact, he hasen’t seemed to do anything, besides try to get my attention at school, I haven’t talked to him, or anything. I just want to know what he is thinking, any thoughts? Thanks!
admin
December 12, 2013 at 6:58 pm
Well, right now I would just say let things play out a little bit more.
Lauren
December 12, 2013 at 11:13 pm
Thats what I was thinking too, just wanted a second opinion. Thanks!
Alison
December 11, 2013 at 10:48 pm
, , , , , , , .
I met my ex online a few years ago. we eventually got together and after 17 months, he broke up with me after 3 days in college. that was a year and a half ago. i didn’t talk to him for a whole month (october, 2013) and now we talk. we talk everyday regularly and its kinda like its always been between us. but he now has recently got a new girlfriend. i still love him i just have no idea what to do anymore
admin
December 12, 2013 at 2:05 am
Well Nc would be a good place to start and check out my latest guide
je
December 11, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I broke up with my ex of 4 years in august after always having trust issues and them leading to fights and overwhelming anxiety i broke up with him. Ups and downs reaching out and talking but then he’d just stop. He said I pushed him away because I said I still had a weird feeling just talking as “friends” while he was out living his life and I was still sad and guilty sitting home wishing he was missing me as much. After months of this back and forth I drank too much asked him to meet up and we ended up fighting thru text but he left a flower on my car the next day. I started my 30day NC and exactly 30days after he left another flower and rose saying sorry and he wishes things worked out like we planned. I replied with a letter saying “thank you this is something I miss and I hope everything is going good I tried to ask your mom about your ‘sick family member’ but didnt hear back I hope hes doing ok you have all been in my prayers.” He showed any sign back so the next day was thanksgiving I sent a simple text saying ‘happy thanksgiving to you and your family hope you got my letter back yesterday take care’ he just replied same to you and ur fam. Few days later was our anniversary so I wanted to try one last time and sent him a message saying this day is super hard for me im not sure about you but i always had hope with signs you sent and today completely broke me down. you dont need to reply but i just want to tell you I love you. He responded of course its hard for me to do you think id do all those things (flowers) if i didnt want to work things out and try please dont respond to this but il love you until death. and I responded saying i did too i love you too. (meaning wanted to work things out too) he said I just wished you would have showed me.
SO CHRIS..
My question is I left my last message as I said and his message as that because I didnt want to fight on our anniversary especially.
What am I to think? Over these months ive felt so much guilt like i shouldnt have trusted my gut and should have stayed in the relationship with this perfect guy. I think I just wanted to see him fight for me and need me as it was when we started dating and I wanted to see if growing up together he still fought for me. Now in the past months of my guilt I tried everything and always got responses (and these responses were always what I wanted to hear) (i love you i want to be with you i havent been with anyone else) but then its just as if he stops talking when I do and wont fight anymore or reach out on his own. what should i do? I have tried all that i think is possible and just want him to realize now that i really regret ending everything and still love him which ive told him all of these things.
So what should I do next just live with the if its meant to be it will be in time?
Samantha
December 11, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Hi,
Forgive me, this will get long but I feel I need to give context! I’m really confused. I dated my ex for only a couple of months, it was quite casual, though I liked him far more than I let on (he knew I liked him but not how much – I’m very bad at showing my true feelings and put on fronts to show that I’m ok). We work together but not closely. He pulled away ending it claiming this in work was stifling. We’d flirted, spoken a lot and hung out a few times just the two of us before we dated so there was a lot leading up to it. Anyway, I was gutted when it ended because I felt we had so much potential and we were both overthinking it to the hills so we never actually got a relationship off the ground. I overthought EVERYTHING and I think he did too but I was too scared to tell him my worries. I found out that before we dated he had told several of our mutual friends that he’d never felt this way about anyone, that he liked me so much etc. and that he wouldn’t ask me out as we work together unless he was 100% sure. I never actually thought that he felt this way (my lack of self-esteem here) and out of nerves and shyness I acted really casually and sort of brushed off the fanciness of the dates he took me n because I felt so nervous and uncomfortable and I didn’t want to scare him off by showing him that I liked him, silly huh? When actually I worry that made him view me as easy and casual and that he didn’t have to put in the effort with me. He then started to pull away.
Anyway, after about 6 months and seeing him constantly in work I cut him out my life. He started sending me random messages and I didn’t respond or showed indifference for about a month as he just didn’t seem to get that I wouldn’t want to hear from him! (the NC zone I guess!) until eventually he sent me an email along the lines of ‘Hey, this is massively out of the blue, but I want to apologise for being brash and I was an idiot…’ etc. I was not expecting that at all and so many months down the line I was quite offended he would pick email to do it. I didn’t reply. A week later he left me a present in work with a post-it note saying ‘all you have to do is text me a time and place and I’ll be there’. I was stunned. I just thought he wants to clear the air and absolve himself, not thinking he wanted me back, but when I decided to meet him he launched into this huge story detailing everything he felt, that he was in a bad place (in work and life) at the time, he’d been hurt from a couple of previous bad relationships, that he’s dated a few people since but no one compares, that he just wants me etc. I’d finally gotten over this… which meant that I genuinely did not know what to say. There were so many things I’d wanted to say for months but I’d forced myself to move on and couldn’t remember any of them. But I still had feelings for him somewhere. He said he didn’t expect me to take him back but was hoping that I still have a shred of feelings for him and to let him take me out. There was a lot of silence (and a lot of wine, I needed alcohol). His speech to me seemed so heartfelt but I barely knew what to say so I arranged for us to meet up again a few days later and voiced a few more concerns, told him I had doubts about him and that we couldn’t pick up where we left off but I was willing to meet up as friends and see where it goes and he said fine. I don’t know if that was the right thing to say… I just wanted to be honest.
I didn’t know of any of these ‘rules’ you mention and I’m really bad at playing the game and knowing what I should and shouldn’t do. He became really chatty, really friendly, sending emails and texts but it was a bit much too soon – I couldn’t be instantly super chatty with him. If I didn’t reply in a couple of hours he would ring me or text again. My replies got longer and more ‘laughy’. We arranged to go out again though as I’d said lets see how things go as friends I’m not sure if it was a date or not, we joked about that on the day. We went out to his favourite new restaurant, hung out all evening, kissed and parted ways. I still struggled to be myself entirely as I didn’t want to let him in just yet. We saw each other the next day at a work do and chatted. He placed his hand on mine as we sat with everyone, then we parted ways again, though I felt like he may have been wanting an invite back to mine.
He text me on his way home and we text into the evening. However his texts started getting less…involved. Originally he was making so much effort, but these texts were almost a bit half arsed, took longer to respond and acted with more disinterest – we were even chatting about a film and he said he needed to check out that sex scene with one of the female actresses… :-/ I didn’t reply until the next day and avoided that part altogether. Why would you say that..?! This was last weekend. He has gone so much quieter on me since, though he’ll text me like a three word message or something, then when I reply with a short one he doesn’t. It’s like he’s stopped trying already. But I don’t know if I need to tell him that’s not good enough at the moment or whether that will scare him away?
I went for a drink with one of our mutual friends last night and she said he came to her and poured his heart out saying he didn’t know what to do. He’s been thinking of me and how much he messed up with me and messed up his chances, how much he would do anything to get me back, he feels we could have had a great future but he messed it up etc etc (this was way more in depth but I don’t want this to get any longer!).
I don’t know what to do… Near the end of the first ‘date’ he asked me if I was free next week to go for a meal before my birthday and if I want to go to a Christmas meal at his house with his friends but I haven’t heard anything since. He has hardly spoken to me in comparison to how he was last week before we went on our first date. Please tell me if I’m overthinking this! I don’t know if he is just playing it cool. By me saying for us to take it slow as friends and then spending the weekend with him essentially, laughing and joking with him I’m worried that didn’t help in him thinking he has to work for me… thoughts?! I also worry that my hesitation to get back into this has made it hard to have a proper back and forth conversation with me.
So, drum roll, (so sorry for the length of this) what should I do now? Should I ring him and tell him how I feel as he did that for me initially? Do I not text him until he texts me next? Do I strike up a conversation or try highlight good memories together? Do I act cooler as he has been or act completely unphased by it and just normal and friendly? Was it wrong to say to just meet up as friends for now then laugh and joke with him a lot and act ok? Should I say I don’t just want that? Argh! 🙁 I’m so bad at this… I’m embarrassed to even write this…
Any advice is great, thanks.
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:59 am
I think the better approach is to lead up to how you feel about him. Slowly get him chasing you again so its him that tells YOU how he feels.
Mado
December 11, 2013 at 3:56 pm
Hi Chris,
I bet my reason for being here is obvious;there’s a guy 2 years older, we used to go to the same high school years ago but didn’t know each other.On june I befriended him on facebook and ever since we started talking.He was the one who send me messages first and it was clear he wanted to talk.after some days we exchanged phone numbers, at this time he stayed in a different city.So we were talking through messages or phone.We talked almost every day, alldaylong for the next 2 months and he already adressed me his girlfriend. We were really close, making plans etc.we even planed a trip together.Right after this he finally comes to my city for his siter’s wedding and we go on a date the first day he arrives.the next day we go on another date and the third day he asks me to go shopping together.After 2 days he asks me to to his house and we had an argument because I wanted him to inform someone I was coming but he didn’t want to.So we met somewhere else in the end and discussed things. After that things were good for a while,we were talking on fb but no sign of asking me out.So I decided after a week to ask him and he agreed but in the end something occured(I don’t beleive it was intended though)and he said we’ll meet tomorrow.Only tomorrow he just disapperead and when I tried to call he didn’t pick it up..I admit I went crazy and made almost all of the mistakes you mention..after 2 days I tried to call him and he said he had a fight with his mother and left the house.After that we continued to talk normally only again no sign of him asking me out.I wont go into details but I met him another 2 times but for other reasons,not a date.I’ll also say that this period he was here he was very stressed,had family and economical problems and I made things worse sometimes.He again said we’ll meet but again disappeared andso on.After that he left again from the city,one week later I called him and he was like ‘I don’t know what I want’.And after some days I called him again because of the trip we had planned and he was back to normal again.For the next2 weeks things weren’t going very good.After a week or so of me not talking to him I texted him again because of the trip.Then after we made an agreement about the money of the trip we started talking again and he said he’ll return here for good.So he comes and after some days I invite him to my house this time while my parents are away.He agrees at first but then he changes it and asks to meet me the next day for coffee.Only once again we didn’t go out.I asked him why he does that and then he started saying things like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore,that we talk only because he wants to go to the trip as friends,that I put too much pressure on him and things like that.I tried to reply as calmly as I could although I seemed desperate I’m sure..even so later on he replied to my text,we discussed things and he seemed to agree with us being in a relantionship.The next day he send me a message first after a long while.After 2 days while we talked I started saying that I miss him and I want to see him but he ignored me, and when I texted him as a reply I got ‘I;m taking things easy,you’re the one who wont do so’.I was very angry,I stoped any contact, then after some days he texted me to watch something on tv.I replied the next day being very cold and asking him why even though I knew he did it because it was a film we were discussing together months ago. After some days again he texted me and again I replied being cold.He said he found a job.I told him congrants and stopped it there.Then I found your site and I’m very glad I did.I decided to do the NC rule-properly this time.He again texted me during the NC rule period but I never answered.Last Friday,the 30th day of no contact I made my move.I texted him and got a possitive reply if I judge from your examples.He asked me why I didn’t answer to his messages but didn’t reply only said I have to go out.After 2 days he send me a message after I posted something on fb.I replied the next day,kept the conversation short and ended it first.Now I’m about to move to the second step but there’s something troubling me, which is the reason I write.I’m afraid that he might talk to me because of the trip only and never asks me out..and the second reason is that I want to ask, would it be a good idea to buy him a present for Christmas and have an oportunity to ask him to meet then or not?What do you think..?
P.S sorry for the long message
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:53 am
I don’t think that is a great idea…
Mado
December 12, 2013 at 1:53 pm
what should I do then? I try to be very patient and keep things going slowly but you see the trip we’ve arranged is on February and I sure don’t want to go on a trip with him as friends..
admin
December 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm
Feburary is a long ways off still.
Mado
December 12, 2013 at 8:35 pm
Maybe but it makes me nervous because my parents don’t know anything about it or him and that’s a big problem. Should I keep with the steps as they are or should I do more?
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:08 pm
Why don’t your parents know about him?
Mado
December 14, 2013 at 12:28 pm
well, they can get really annoying, they start the interogation and I know that if things don’t go well they’ll come and blame me and remind me of my mistakes with every oportunity.. so I didn’t want to tell until I was sure about him, but then everything went wrong so I couldn’t!The irony is that he knows I have a problem when it comes to this and he had offered to meet my parents, which never happened of course.
By the way I think the ”remembering the good times” message went pretty well, he laughed and seemed ok with remembering our date then when I said I had to go he said ”kisses”.But I’m not sure if that means anything at all. Now that I checked on fb I saw that he wrote something yesterday but again I can’t be sure if that goes for me.Also he has changed profile pic after a long time.. I’m not sure if I can start pressing ”like” again, until now I ignored everything he did but when should I stop?
Mado
December 17, 2013 at 2:26 pm
hm.. hi again!I’d just like to know your opinio about something..you see on Saturday he texted me asking something, like a favour.I replied hours later because I really hadn’t seen the message and he started saying things like it’s ok and I don’t have to answer if I don’t want to and as we were talking he said ”I’ve missed you”. I didn’t reply until the next morning as it was very late already and I thought it would be better to cut the conversation there. So the next day we talked again and after a while he asked if I want to go on this trip with him. I tried to avoid the question, Isaid that the trip is still on and asked him if he wants it and he said yes and that he already took a leave from his job. The next day I uploaded some pics from my graduation from uni that was yesterday and he pressed like. after a while he texted me”congratulations for your graduation my love”. I’m a bit confused, he says that he misses me,he’s sweet again but he hasn’t even mentioned to meet. And also he continues to press like in other girls’s pics, something that gets on my nerves really. I don’t know if he means all that really. What should I do?
Mado
January 2, 2014 at 6:25 pm
Hi Chris and Happy New Year!
I need your help,again.. you see things are great, he talks to me,he started calling me ”my love” and stuff, he says he misses me but he makes no move.yesterday he said what he should do to prove me that he misses me so I said it’s quite obvious what he has to do..he said we’re going to meet today then and I agreed.Then some hours after he asked to go to his House, which I didn’t think it was a good idea so I tried to explain it politely..so today as we were talking I was expecting him to say something which he didn’t. He was acting like he hadn’t said anything, while he started saying things like ”I like you” etc.. I’m ignoring him for bit but I don’t know what should I do? what should I say to him? I don’t want to sound like accusing him…
admin
December 17, 2013 at 7:09 pm
Don’t let it get on your nerves. He might be doing it because he knows it does.
Mado
December 24, 2013 at 5:38 pm
I’ll try doing that tomorrow,thank you! today he said he ”might want to meet me” for xmas..I hope this is a good sign.. And merry Christmas to you too! 🙂
Mado
December 23, 2013 at 2:06 pm
Amy examples of what can I say to hook him? latly it takes him hours to respond..
admin
December 23, 2013 at 8:29 pm
Maybe you can call him and try to hook him in a conversation on the phone… Hooking him works really well if he responds fast.
Mado
December 21, 2013 at 1:04 pm
Hi Chris!
As I said I used the jealousy text, not sure if it worked though.Yesterday I talked to him again and he was talking again like we’re friends or something.He complained that he wants to go out but he has noone to go with..I didn’t say anything but it’s like he doesn’t want to see me at all.After a while I left the convo saying I might be back later.So late at night I saw he was asking what I’ll do on holidays so I replied.Again he didn’t say anything about meeting.Then I tried to make a compliment and then leave the convo again but he left first.I checked to see of he answered in the morning but he hadn’t even though he had read the message.He replied 2 hours later.I’m very confused, the one day he says he misses me and then nothing. I try to make a cliffhanging effect but I don’t think I succeed.And it’s also difficult because he doesn’t work the same hours every day so he is slow at responding. What tactic should I use? Is it safe to dare compliments or not? and how can I succed in making him chase me if I can’t have a cliffhanging effect??
sorry for the many questions..I feel stuck and I need help..
admin
December 22, 2013 at 2:28 am
Getting a cliffhanging effect is easy.
Simply hook him in the conversation and leave prematurely. He will want more especially if he is hooked.
Mado
December 18, 2013 at 2:17 pm
I’d say yes if he knew that I’m on fb at the same time, but he does it anyway.Lately I’ve noticed he goes to a girl’s profile and start pressing like to almost all of her profile pics.. I don’t know but I find it very hard to beleive what he says when he does that and he shows no intention of meeting..today I send him the ”did I saw you..”message and he replied saying that it wasn’t him and that he has a long time to go out. I don’t know what to beleive..
Nicole
December 11, 2013 at 7:10 am
I’m doing 60 days of no contact with my ex & I’ve made it 7 days so far. This is our second breakup. (I initiated it this time.) Anyways I’m graduating from college on Thursday & I wanted to know if it would be ok for my mom to invite him to my graduation. Before we broke up, we talked about him coming to my graduation & he agreed to come. I know this is breaking no contact, but I really want him there. So is it ok if I ask my mom to invite him? If he does end up going can we have limited contact?
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:45 am
Yes you can have limited contact.
Sophia
December 11, 2013 at 6:12 am
Ok, so I was so close to the 30 day NC point, when today I received a call from my ex, I answered and we talked for hours. Yet the funniest thing is that he always starts off with the same questions, how are you, hows school and do you have a bf? Is he just trying to keep in contact with me, just in case he and his new girl breaks up? We even had a little heart to heart moment and all he keeps on saying is how much he liked me and how much he was talking to his twin about me blah blah but because of the couple of incidents with my mom he couldn’t handle it. Should I redo the 30 days, keep it neutral/friendly, or just walk away and find a new guy… because my mom is gonna be in my life for a while!
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:43 am
I don’t think you should redo it. I think you just need to keep in contact and try to get him chasing you more.
CDP
December 11, 2013 at 1:36 am
My boyfriend ended things somewhat abruptly. He said he just didn’t feel the same anymore. I think I smothered him. Three days before he ended it be said he needed to slow his life down and that he still loved me. Then when he ended it he said he needed a break but his feelings had changed and he was pretty sure they would not come back. I am still supposed to take him to have surgery. But that will only be 10 days later, not 30. Do you think my chances are shot if I do this?
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:35 am
Take him to the surgery but maybe do Limited contact.
april
December 11, 2013 at 1:23 am
Would you recommend starting over the no contact period if you run into your ex at a party? We didn’t talk except for a simple hello.
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:31 am
No b/c if it is an innocent thing that you can’t help you have no control over it.
april
December 13, 2013 at 9:01 am
Thanks! 🙂 You’re the bees knees!
Julia
December 10, 2013 at 10:51 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of a year ended things with me last week, stating school was too stressful (we both go to university) and he just didn’t have time for me or the relationship.The week before our break up, he was busy with school (finishing up final projects) and other commitments. I tried to give him his time during the busy week, but I ended up spam texting him, telling him how disappointed I was with his lack of communication. I do believe that this didn’t help, and pushed him to making his decision of ending the relationship. He said it’s not that he couldn’t have communicated, he just didn’t want to, and I deserve better than that. I believe his conclusion to end things was rash, and emotional based due to the stress he was under. It did not end poorly, he was very emotional (body shaking, and crying excessively). I tried to reason with him, saying we should just take a break over the holidays and unwind, but he’s very stubborn. He said he slept on it, and he’s not changing his mind. Anyways, it ended in a mature, positive way. There wasn’t any blaming, screaming, or name calling. He collected his belongings, and we hugged for a long time; even laughed a bit. I asked if we would get back together again, and he said “no probably not”, to “maybe in the future”, to “not within the next four months” (my friend told me to disregard this). He did however, say he’d talk to me again, but not within the next six weeks. He also said we would see each other eventually (I’m hoping he isn’t just saying this) It should be noted that this was our second time together. We had dated previously before, and I got him back after six months. I did however, spam text him, messaging his friends and family member, beg him, look needy and pathetic. He dated other people in that time, but finally came back. The previous relationship wasn’t healthy at all, but this one was mature, respectful, and loving. We had our ups and downs, but nothing Earth shattering. Looking back, I did make a big deal out of the little things; things that don’t and shouldn’t have mattered. What I’m worried about, is this time, he blocked me from all social media (Facebook, twitter, etc.), my friends say this is probably a healing process, but is this him telling me he’s done with me once, and for all? It seems like it’s going to be harder this go around to get him back. My friends are telling me not to contact him at all this time, to let him come to me, as he seems like he needs time and space; and that I should respect his wishes, and show that I am mature. It’s been 5 days and I’m proud of myself, because I haven’t spam texted him, or texted him at all like how I normally would. My questions are, do you think it is possible to get back together for a third time? what does him blocking me on social media mean? and how do I handle this situation, because we have been through a break up before? Should I try and be friends with him until we graduate school, or would that place me in the friend zone? because I was placed there temporarily during our last break up. I do not know the best way to handle this situation, as I am straying from what I know, and what got him back the last time. (It should also be noted, that if I do talk to him, he will be distant at first. It will probably take him a while to warm up to me again. Then again, this is based off of the last time I tried to get him back, and I didn’t handle myself well, so that could be a reason)
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:27 am
How bad was it?
You said you didn’t handle yourself well
Julia
December 12, 2013 at 3:43 pm
our first break up I did not handle myself well. I looked needy, desperate, and basically begged him, and involved his friends and family. This go around I’ve handled myself well so far. I haven’t spoken to him, and I’m giving him the space he requested. The biggest difference this time, is that he has blocked me from all social media. I’m scared that means we won’t have a chance at reconciling, or even communicating, despite him saying he would talk to me eventually. What is your opinion on this, and what should I do to better my chances at getting him back?
admin
December 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm
I think it is likely you will talk to him in the future. How long have you been in NC though?
Julia
December 12, 2013 at 8:30 pm
A week now. We broke up last week. Do you still think there is a chance, especially if it would be our third time together?
admin
December 13, 2013 at 7:05 pm
I think a chance is there but you have to ask yourself if you want him back again. THAT is the question!
Julia
December 13, 2013 at 10:23 pm
I know I want him back, I just don’t know how to go about it in a better way than the past.
Lr
December 10, 2013 at 1:27 pm
If ever my ex agreed to meet with me, is it ok if the meet up is nearer his place like around the city where he lives or should I pick a place midway?
lily
December 10, 2013 at 3:55 am
I went NC for 35 days. During this time he tried to get a response from me by posting things via social sites. But I never contacted him until the 35 days were up, I tmed him about christmas decorations friday and got a positive reply. Then tmed him about the opening of a restaurant I thought he’d enjoy, he responded with I have your things, you can come get them whenever you can. Idk what to do now. It seems like this may be an excuse to see me or meet up but in the meantime I’m scared that this means he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Please help me!
admin
December 10, 2013 at 7:10 pm
What were the texts you sent him like?
lily
December 11, 2013 at 12:29 am
They were like this: hey was decorating for christmas tonight and I was remembering how fun it was last year. Oh and the decorations were so easy to get out thanks to you putting them away so neatly last year.
The second set of tms went like this: Chili sauce, jalapeños, chili paste, chili oil! All the spicy stuff you love. I know you’d really enjoy this restaurant that just reopened.
His reaponse to the first one was playful he wrote back Wow someones behind, last year you had it decorated much earlier!
He sent some other ones too.
But earlier today he called me and I didn’t answer. I’m thinking this is a good sign? I’m not sure if I should call or text him back or just wait for him to call again.
trina
December 10, 2013 at 12:31 am
I’m in a bad situation since last time. I think I’m pregnant with my ex’s baby and i asked him to go out to drinks a few days ago and he said maybe. Well today came and i asked are we going fot drinks and he said he wouldn’t cause he doesn’t want to lead me on. Well i really needed to tell him this and told him i needed to talk to him. He called, i apologized for our failed relationship, and he told me he was saying someone else. I snapped and told him my secret and now he thinks I’m lying. He deleted me off his Facebook and blocked me. He is ignoring me. Any ideas?
admin
December 10, 2013 at 7:01 pm
Well, if you find out you are preganant with his child you are going to have to tell him eventually.
Antonia Noel-Buxton
December 9, 2013 at 5:04 pm
Hi again,
I don’t know if I asked this before but :
I don’t understand why he finds it too difficult to talk to me after we met up, he says he needs a clear head and that he can’t reply to my messages, but he was fine replying to them before we met up and they were the same topic, (me talking about being depressed and having a heart to heart with him) so I don’t understand why now I am too overwhelming to talk to? After we met up he said in his text he would speak soon so I kept sending him texts and Facebook messages assuming we were still ok to talk, half my messages weren’t even deep they were things like hope you liked your present. Also why on earth would he be so flirty and kiss me to then shut me out? Especially after saying his door is always open!
I am currently doing the NC but my dad has just recently died and I really need him to at least offer his sympathies it would really help to cheer me up but he’s just sent me a message saying stop sending so many messages as I need a clear head to reply, I know he has probably seen my statuses on Facebook as we are friends so why isn’t he being a friend to me when he said he would?
I am hoping it’s because he has feelings and doesn’t want to admit them again cause of his situation and so is trying to zone me out maybe?
Any help or opinions would be good as this is a unique situation, I should also mention that before this recent communication we had not spoken for about 3 years and even then we were on a good note as that communication was a year after our split anyway, so we have been in semi communication since our split but this has been the closest to us actually being friends again, well until he sent that message anyway.
Thanks again
Antonia
Antonia Noel-Buxton
December 10, 2013 at 6:29 pm
I would really appreciate some help on this as it’s making me panic at the thought of him never speaking to me again 🙁
Thanks
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:14 am
I think its very likely that the two of you will speak again at some point in the future.
Antonia Noel-Buxton
December 13, 2013 at 4:27 pm
That’s good what makes you say that? As he’s obviously not into talking to me right now lol