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Jones
December 18, 2013 at 8:48 am
Hello I have a problem. I have been seeing a guy now for about 7 months. Not official or anything(at one point stopped seein each other for a month) but after that we would see each other everyweekend n go out or I would stay at his house with my kids for the weekend . We woul always act as if we were dating. We’ve even had a very serious point where I lost a baby š ..But when I would insist that we actually date he would never agree because he didn’t want to ” fall in love with me and me cheat on him or something”…well in this time I know I was a very jealous person and the other night we ha a great weekend alone went to see xmas lights n stuff and when we went out to drink that night he was on his phone I’m pretty sure with another girl so I kinda got mad.. N he got mad because I told him stuff about it while we were in the bar.. Everything got better that night n he finally asked me to be his girlfriend an I said yes…well I went back home and the next night I was mad about something that had nothing to do with him but he thought it was and got mad at me and said if it wasn’t about him it was about one o the other guys I’m with but I’m not with neone…I clarified that and he said sorry for all u have had to do for me but another night like in the bar is not goin to happen then he said I love you for the first time and said bye.. And hasn’t said a word to me since…I’m really lost and don’t know what to do…
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:56 pm
Are you currently in a NC?
Jones
December 19, 2013 at 7:40 am
Yes for the past 3 days
Yasmine
December 17, 2013 at 11:49 pm
My bf and I have been together over a year. Things seemed fine until he didn’t contact me for a week. I decided to send a text playing cool n added that I missed him. After a few days he replied saying sorry and that he had things he needed to sort out. I assumed it was family issues bcz it’s happened before. I still asked him what he meant and he didn’t bother to reply at all. A few weeks passed without hearing from him so I took it as his way of ending things which hurt me a lot. Since the time I asked him what he meant we’ve had NC for a little over 30 days. Two days ago I was surprised to see a text from him saying he knows I must be mad at him and that he had family matters to take care of. I haven’t replied bcz I don’t want him to think that he could treat me like that and il come running when as soon as he reappeared. I haven’t gotten over him n I still have strong feelings for him. I’m hoping that he will keep trying.. what should I do? Wait to see if he contacts me again and if he doesn’t then just move on?
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:33 pm
I wouldn’t say do that exactly… hmm… actually you would benefit from reading my guide on when to give up on a guy so you know when that time is.
Nicole
December 17, 2013 at 11:33 pm
Yesterday my mom had a conversation with my ex on one of his fb posts.
He had posted something about going to drake for his birthday & wanting someone to go with him. So my mom decided to comment (open a can of issues that I didn’t want to have to think about right now) saying something like “you have a girl don’t you?” Then he replied with “?” Then she said something like (because yesterday was my birthday) ” it’s her bday today, you better call her, she’s waiting on you.” Then he says “tell her I said happy birthday.” Then she replied with “it’s not my job to tell her.” Then he says “well I guess she won’t know.” By the time all of this had happened, I was kind of disgusted & really lost some feelings for him. It doesn’t help either that my mom has him in her close friends on fb & every time he updates his status she gets a notification.
Does that awkward conversation that he & my mom had mean anything? What do you get from that conversation on his end? I’ve already been in nc for 2 weeks, although I do look at his fb. (I’m slowly working on not looking at it.)
*Please answer my questions above!!
He posts some of the silliest, immature things too. One minute, he’s crying about wanting a gf, then the next he’s not worried about anything but the gym. He put a status up saying “i’m a good guy looking for a good girl. is that too much to ask?” Then some guy commented & told him to let her find him. I’m sorry, but I can’t be the only that finds that hilarious! The boy is confused, emphasis on ‘boy’ & he’s still either upset or hurt that I broke up with him. I hold onto him in my heart so much because I love him & really want/believe that he will mature sooner rather than later.
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:32 pm
I think you hit it on the head… the “boy” is confused.
Nicole
December 19, 2013 at 8:29 am
Ok, so now that we’ve agreed that he is confused. Do you think that my 60 days of no contact will even help us get back together? From a male perspective, do you think he will become less confused as no contact progresses?
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:41 pm
I think it can but I think itll do wonders for YOU!
Juju
December 17, 2013 at 11:17 pm
Hi,
I had a Long dinstance relationship.
We broke up 4 mths ago. He is contacting me every 10-15 days. Sending me pictures with things I might like or other stuff. I always responded very short. “Cool”, “wow”… 2 weeks ago when he send me something I asked him ” how are u?” Then he responded “how are u?”
So I wrote him that I moved in a new apartment and that I’m very happy right now. He didn’t wanted to tell me anything. Than he called me and we were talking for 10 minutes. 2 days later I saw an fb that he was on vacation. I couldn’t resist so I asked him were and with who?
He answered: with people I do not know.
Now he called me again just out of the blue. I picked up…
I heard from a friend that he was with his ex at a wedding 2 months ago. Should I start the nc rule now? What can I do? My bday is next week. I didn’t invite him. Should i pick up? Should I write him that I want to stop the contact? The last contact that I started was 1 1/2 months ago.. But I answered all his msgs that he wrote me during this time..
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:31 pm
I would like to recommend that you check out the long distance relationship page on this site.
Sarah
December 17, 2013 at 10:43 pm
Hi Chris!
My story with my ex-boyfriend it’s quite bizarre.We met almost 9 years ago,and we were together for 5 years,during that time we broke up twice but the third time he broke up with me I made a clear point of moving on and forget about him.I met someone just after a couple of months of the break up and I was really happy with the new guy.My ex found out and he started texting and calling me pretty much everyday,now that I have read your guide I belive he had done it too.But I decided not to go back with him and I moved back to Spain,where I’m from.We kept in contact and after I split up with lets called “the new boyfriend”,he came to visit me on several occasions.The real problem is that he says he loves me but doesn’t think our relationship can work because it didn’t in the past.I kind of think the same.I believe the same problems we had will come back.For him the main issue is the language and cultural differences.He is english and I’m as I mentioned,spanish.So..I really don’t know what to do,because we have planned a trip toguether next month but I still have feeling for him and I don’t think seeing each other every two months will take us anywhere unless He tells me very clearly that he wants me back without any doubt.
How can I make him to believe that our relationship can work?.Because the only reason why I’ve got doubts it’s because he has them.
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:30 pm
You have to show him through your actions (in a smart way) and make him think it is HIS idea to get back together.
Brittany
December 17, 2013 at 6:50 pm
Hello,
Me and my ex met 8 years ago and were together for 3years. We had alot of trust issues mainly on my behalf because I had a really ruff childhood and it is difficult for to open up believe that everyone isn’t going to hurt me. So i guess you can say im a little mentally screwed up lol but anyway, i would accuse him of cheating all the time, constantly check his phone at night while he was sleeping and ask him his whereabouts, even got so bad that i hacked into his sprint account to check his phone call log. Everyday was an argument about his Facebook or instagram and who these other females were. I guessed i pushed him away with all of this and he broke up with me. We were still living together during this break up and we also have a 1 year old daughter together. Here is where it gets bad….we have broken up alot during our relationship, he cares and loves me alot and his only issue with me is that i do not trust him so i tell him i will change and we get back together. (Obviously, i dont really change) We will be good for a few days then its right back to the same thing and then eventually breaking up. But this particular time we had been broken up for almost two weeks (still living together and still being intimate) which is the longest for us without getting back together. Anyway, i found out from a friend that he was at the movies with another girl, lets just say i didn’t take this well. I showed up at the movies and everything went down hill from there. I ended up in jail. When i got out we did not talk for a few weeks but we do have a small child together and have been talking again recently, Spending a lot of time together and still being intimate. He tells me that he still loves me with all his heart but makes it very clear that he is SINGLE and does not want to be in a relationship again right now until he see’s a change in me. I am still very jealous because he talks to other girls now including the girl he was out on a date with. He says that he wants to work on being “friends” again but i don’t know what to do or how to carry this relationship with him. Being “demoted” to just his friend after 3 years together. I really want my family back and i just need advise on what to do in my situation. Sorry for the longgggg story, its very complicated.
admin
December 18, 2013 at 6:22 pm
Well, would you consider anything like the NC rule?
anon
December 17, 2013 at 4:59 pm
Hi, i really need some help. My ex and I were in a relationship for 4 years and i have started the NC, i’m meeting him after Christmas to collect some things but what do i say? do i act aloof or do i talk about our relationship? i never got a good response from him when talking about our relationship. he always goes cold and i still don’t know why we broke up. Please help me i really want him back and i want answers. How should i act when i go and see him after christmas? and also should i text him christmas day?
please help !!!
Anon
December 23, 2013 at 12:39 pm
Hey, in the same boat as you Hun, if you find an answer let me know x
grace
December 17, 2013 at 9:53 am
I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago, we werein long distance, had a bad patch and i got mixed up feelings for another guy. Told my boyfriend the truth,n brokeup. Within the 1st month, he was willing to.forgive me and get back 2gthr. But i was skeptical about it, thot he needed time to get over his anger and i work on my mistakes. He saw it as rejection, and now he wants nothin to do with me, saying he is happily moving on,and met someone. Now dont knowi how to get him back, us being in long distance, makes it harder. But i would do anything to ve my relationship back, we had 3 gud years togthr and i know its the distablnce that killed it,and am willing to cut it,if we wud get back 2gthr. Help plz
admin
December 17, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Have you read my long distance guide yet?
Megan
December 16, 2013 at 11:47 pm
Hi Chris,
Today is my 14th day of NC. He called me and sent me text on day 9 before the event we were planning to go together, saying he missed me a lot and hoped me to call him. Of course, I did’t contact him at all. I haven’t heard anything from him after that. Is he over me? will he try to contact me again? I’m just worried that he is done with me… Thanks!
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:44 pm
I would hesitate to say that he is over you and I also think that the two of you will talk in the future.
Megan
December 16, 2013 at 11:01 pm
I have done the 30 day no contact period with my ex and yesterday sent him the first text message. I said i saw a movie we both used to love and thought about him. he gave me a neutral response so i ended the conversation just like you said. He said goodnight after and i ignored him and said nothing back. Now im ready to go into the 2nd text which is the “good memory”. My question is how long should i wait before i send that one? should i contact him every couple of days or should i wait and contact him again in a week?
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:41 pm
I would say 3 days is ideal.
Bailey
December 16, 2013 at 7:38 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago because apparently we argue too much. He told me there was a possibility for us to get back together, but for me to try to get over him. What does that mean? What should I do?
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:30 pm
NC seems smart in this situation.
Layla
December 16, 2013 at 8:46 am
So this is kinda long,
New Year’s Eve 2011 I met my ex for the first time at work, after the next few months we got to know each other and we got really serious. But my parents didn’t approve mainly because I was going away to school and he doesn’t have a college education, I didn’t care I was willing to stay with him behind their back. He was my first. A few days before I moved away to school my parents found out we were still together, he ended it because he didn’t want to come between me and my family. I tried contacting him for about 2 months post break up and he usually just ignored me. On my birthday he still texted me though. And he messages me on Facebook once asking how I was doing but didn’t say anything after I responded. When I moved back home for the summer I bumped into him (he lives around the block). We started texting again and got back together. I went back to working with him. He told me he would never leave me again no matter what my parents say, and that leaving me once was the worst decision he’s made in his life. We were planning our future together. Then one day I told him my mom still didn’t approve. He told his parents this and they told him to end it. He texted me out of the blue basically saying his parents are right and to be with me would be selfish of him because I would lose my family. I got mad and sent really angry texts. At work I put all the things he had given me In a bag and put them on his desk. Then I watched him throw the bag in the garbage and take it to the dumpster. Then 2 days later I got my fathers approval and I told him in a rude way so he acted like he didn’t care about me anymore. Later I told him the only regret I’ve had in the last 2 years was giving those things back to him. He said he’s done with relationships and that he’s just gonna have one nights stands and never get married. I told him I didn’t believe him and that I know he’s going through a rough time so I’m going to be there for him because I don want to see him throw his life away. There would be days at work where he would flirt with other girls in front of me, knowing it hurts me. And other days where he would flirt with me. On his birthday I gave him a present. His face lot up and he told me to go get something from downstairs. He followed behind me and said “remember when you told me your biggest regret was giving everything back? Well that night I went dumpster diving” he pulled the boxes of jewelry out of his pocket (that means they’ve been in his car all along) and gave them to me, then he hugged me and kissed me. We texted that night. And the next day when he got off work he texted me letting me know he had just left. That night when I asked him what his intentions were he said “I don’t know”. Now I find out that he’s been partying and drinking a lot since the breakup and tells everyone he loves the single life…I haven’t contacted him in 3 weeks…help????????!!?!!? I still love him and I can’t stop thinking about him.
Layla
December 16, 2013 at 9:10 am
Another thing, after the break up he told me he still wanted to hear from me and always know how I was doing, but when I texted him he wouldn’t reply
Maria
December 16, 2013 at 8:00 am
Does the NC rule apply or change if you’ve only been exclusively dating a month?
We haven’t broken up but I haven’t seen him in 2 wks. He lives about an hour away and owns his own business and says he’s just been busy this month bc of the season. He does txt me every day but I usually always initiate with the good morning etc. But he will always return my msgs, calls me babe and even has apologized several times for not having time. Is it too soon for me to write him off? I wanted to try NC. Please help.
Thanks!
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:46 pm
Yes, but I would shorten it a lot.
Maria
December 16, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Shorten NC by how much?
admin
December 17, 2013 at 6:29 pm
Well, let me ask you, how much seems proper for you?
anna
December 16, 2013 at 3:56 am
I did the no contact for two weeks. (I did not read your blog till after the fact.) But during those two weeks he was texting me things like “, I love you, ” I miss you” , “no one will ever love you the way I do” ” I miss the love of my life” and so on… well silly me believed him and met up with him only to be sexually used and emotionally tortutred, saying things like ” i’m not sure what I want” and “I just need time to heal” and” after two weeks maybe I don’t want to get back together” and ” let me come to you when i’m ready”
I am so confused I thought that getting back together is what he wanted. So now I want to do this right and I’m asking you for your input on why he did that. Thank you for your blog.
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:43 pm
Problem is that you broke the NC. I would go right back into it.
Alex
December 16, 2013 at 12:40 am
My ex and I were together for 3 years and he decided to end things. On November 27 he broke up with me cause he said we argued too much. He asked if we could take a week break to see where we would end up. So we did and he texted me every night before he went to bed to tell me that he loved me. Well when that week ended he told me that he would rather end it so he didn’t have to “string me along” anymore. It’s been 2 weeks since then and I talk to him I’m school and sometimes I text him. It’s hard not to. But every time we talk it always ends the same way. He is done for now but maybe later we can talk about getting back together. He knows I love him and would do anything to make him happy but he says he is fed up with the way I acted. We did argue and I would get mad. But I never thought that would lead to a break up. Anyways I don’t want to lose him. He means so much to me, help please!
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:32 pm
Are you planning on NC?
Alex
December 16, 2013 at 12:29 am
My ex broke up with me on November 27. He said that we have been arguing too much and he needed time to think and he wanted me to get some help with counseling because I had trust issues with him. We have been together for 3 years! So he said let’s take a break for a week and see where we end up. Well, I waited a week and he said he just wanted to end it because he didn’t want to “string me along” anymore. We are still in contact. We talk at school sometimes and sometimes I text him to see what he’s been up to. Our conversations always end the same way. He tells me he is done for now but maybe later we can talk about getting back together. I’m worried that if I end all connections he will go off and find something better but if I keep nagging he will get fed up and leave me for good. I feel as though he wants to go off and leave me on the back burner just in case things don’t end well for him. I love him more than anything and don’t want to lose him for good! Help!
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:29 pm
Unfortunately going NC might be your only play that could end up successful
Becky
December 15, 2013 at 8:30 pm
I feel like my situation is a bit strange with my ex. We were best friends for two years before we started dating. We recently broke up, at first he wanted to remain friends like we were, but I was the one that said I didn’t know if that was the best decision. I had feelings for him and I couldn’t pretend those feelings didn’t exist and go back to being friends. The other issue is the whole No Contact rule isn’t really able to apply for us, we are also co-workers that sit right next to each other. Complicated I know :). But we have to talk about work, etc there is no getting around it.
We recently talked about maybe waiting a month or so and seeing where things are with us and if we want to try again then. I guess my question is, how can I tweek your system to fit my situation to try and see if I can get him back. We have started talking at work about non work related things. But I have no idea how to turn those simple conversations at work, and texts outside of work into getting him back. Since we see each other every day and have to at least have slight conversations about our job.
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:25 pm
Maybe you can try some form of limited contact.
Shawna
December 15, 2013 at 4:11 am
Me and my ex have broken up a few times but this one has been the worst. His mom believes she is losing her baby boy And feels I’m trying to take her place. She acts one way to me and as soon as he is with her alone she talks him into breaking up with me and to live his life as a college kid. I can admit in our relationship I took advantage of how generous he was to me. And I got to the point where I was upset if he wanted to have nights out with the boys. That led to the official break up. I have apologized and he has told me how happy it made him to hear me say that. I know I will never do it again but he is not willing to give me the chance. We were texting every now and then and he told me how he misses me, yet when I went to the house to pick up the rest of my things he ignored me because his roommate was there. Things got heated and we ended up in the most emotional fight ever. We haven’t talked much lately and he barely answers when I call, but Christmas would mark our one year together which is both of ours longest relationships and he has told me maybe we can see each other but won’t commit to an exact answer. He has been posting pictures of other girls knowing I will see them. I want to complete the 30 nc rule bit with Christmas being an Important day to us I’m stuck. I feel like he does still care and I want to show him how much I do appreciate him but idk how to get him to allow me to prove myself..
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:38 pm
Why is Christmas important to you and him? Aren’t you guys broken up now?
Sue
December 14, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex wants sex without commitment. How do I politely decline? I don’t want to seem like a bitch and for him to get upset. Our conversation could be going well and then he will bring that up. I don’t just want to suddenly turn cold hearted on him and hurt his feelings but I also don’t want to give him an ultimatum like ill only have sex with you if we are officially together. I feel like that would turn him away.
Thanks.
Sue
December 15, 2013 at 2:34 am
Hi Chris,
Just wanted to ask your opinion on my question above? It posted but you didn’t respond.
Thanks!
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:34 pm
Sorry, I can’t find it. Mind paraphrasing it for me?
Vivian
December 15, 2013 at 9:35 pm
My ex wants sex without commitment. How do I politely decline? I donāt want to seem like a bitch and for him to get upset. Our conversation could be going well and then he will bring that up. I donāt just want to suddenly turn cold hearted on him and hurt his feelings but I also donāt want to give him an ultimatum like ill only have sex with you if we are officially together. I feel like that would turn him away.
admin
December 16, 2013 at 6:25 pm
Well, just politely decline!
Sasha
December 14, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Hi Chris.
2 weeks ago i initiated to the convasation and said that i didn’t feel that things was going to well and my feelings wasen’t so strong anymore. He said he felt the same way and we agreed that we should end it. We have had some arguments over the last 6 months and this arguments has not been a to big motivator for either the relationship or both our feelings.
Ofcourse after two days i realised that i might have i bit more feelings then i thought and the last month we was together before we brok up was good and i think this is worth fighting for and i sent him a letter saying that i had thought some more and that i would really like for us to meet again in 2-3 weeks and try to start on scratch and get all of the good feelings we had one year ago back and take it slow (start with a coffee or somthing else that is nice) and take it from there, but i thought we needed a brak now for at least 2 weeks so we both could get some distence. When we brok up he said that he hoped that if it feelt right we would find our way back to eachother. He said we could meet after 2-3 weeks and then we had a good talk and then we said goodbye. The day after hi said “good morning” on Lync and then we talk some and i said i had to run and after that we have not talked since. That was last friday. My question is;
1. Do you thing i have a chance getting him back?
2. Should i wait for him to contact me, or do he expect that i will contact him? (If i do not, will he contact me?)
3. Do you think there is any chance that he will meet or date other girls in this 2-3 weeks?
4. I see that he is logged on every day, but he never say “hi” is this because we agreed to have a brak or just because he don’t want to talk to me or care? (Do he think about me and waiting for me to say “hi” first)
Please don’t just answer with “Have you done the NC rule?”
Thanks in advance
admin
December 14, 2013 at 10:38 pm
I think you have a chance…
But have you done the nc rule?
NO JK JK!
I think there is a chance he could meet someone new BUT there is always a chance for that (even when you are dating a guy.)
Sasha
December 15, 2013 at 11:31 am
Thanks for your replay, but do you think I should wait for him to contact me after this 2-3 weeks or should I contact him? If I don’t , will he contact me?
And, what do you been when you say ” NO JK JK”???
admin
December 15, 2013 at 7:47 pm
You contact him! Make sure you read the entire process laid out on this page. Don’t just skim it.
You said don’t just tell you to do NC and I did and then went no jk jk.