Today we’re going to talk about how to know if your ex is authentically happy with someone else.
I’ve been answering a lot of questions in our private community lately and one of the fears that always seems to come up with individuals whose exes have “moved on” revolves around if their ex is actually happy in that new relationship.
Well, after spending half an hour noodling I came up with five signs to keep an eye on,
- Study The Length Of Time They’ve Been Together
- The Frequency In Which You Communicate With Them Can’t Ever Get Off The Ground
- They Send You The “Other Woman” Text Message When You Reach Out
- The Sphere Of Influence No Longer Takes Much Of An Interest In You
- The Other Person Isn’t Threatened By Your Presence At All
Let’s dive in!
Sign #1: Study The Length Of Time They’ve Been Together
Really what we are dealing with here is the philosophy of rebound relationships.
I’ve made my thoughts abundantly clear in multiple articles and videos about how to identify them and how long they typically last,
So, what I’m about to say here shouldn’t really shock you. One of the best ways to determine if your ex is happy with their new person is to simply look at how long that they have been in a relationship with that new person.
Think of it like this.
In business, entrepreneurs are often asked to measure the value of product ideas by simply looking at conversion. How many people opened their wallets up and bought that product in comparison to a different one.
The more people vote with their wallets, the more valuable the product.
Simple concept, right?
Well, in measuring the efficacy of a rebound relationship one simply needs to look at time invested into that relationship.
In the video above I make the case that the average rebound is probably going to last anywhere between 5-6 months.
Thus, it stands to reason that any time invested past that point is akin to a customer voting with their wallet.
There are definitely more complications for sure but if you want a quick litmus test to see if your ex is currently happy with their new person this might be the best way to get a “macro” view of the whole thing.
Let’s move on.
Sign #2: The Frequency In Which You Communicate With Them Can’t Ever Get Off The Ground
Like I mentioned earlier. I’ve been spending a lot of time with the community answering their questions but there is one huge pet peeve I have.
It’s not with a client or a member.
It’s with their stupid head exes.
(Forgive the childishness)
I cannot stand it when my clients do everything right, only to reach out and have an ex respond, but not in a meaningful way.
Of course, this problem is most commonly found within individuals attempting the being there method,
Basically you send a text message to your ex. It’s perfectly worded, checked by other members of our community and then BOOM, you fire that sucker off.
Your ex instantly opens it and replies with one word.
They seem uninterested, give you back the bare minimum.
No matter how long you try to keep a conversation going they always seem to lose interest.
To you, it feels like talking to a wall.
To me, it feels like madness.
Often what’s happening is that the ex wants to be nice to you by responding but they don’t want to give you any “false ideas.” They don’t want to screw things up with the new person.
So, they feel caught in the middle between you and the other woman and at that point usually three things will happen.
- Fight (lash out at either you or the new person)
- Flight (Avoid you altogether)
- Freeze (give you these pathetic one word answers to keep things the way they currently are)
Sign #3: They Send You The “Other Woman” Text Message When You Reach Out
We all know what kind of text message I’m talking about here.
Basically it’s a “back off” type of a text message and it usually comes at the insistence of the insistence of the other woman.
I was a little hesitant to include this one on this list if I’m being honest because I’m not 100% convinced it means that the ex is happy with that new person.
Often having another person strong arm you into sending a message like this can backfire.
It can be construed as controlling.
As a break of trust.
And lead to problems down the road.
However, if your ex is the one doing this and they hold true to their word over time then it’s usually a sign they are happy with that new person.
(Unless they break up….)
Anyways… back to the article.
Sign #4: The Sphere Of Influence No Longer Takes Much Of An Interest In You
First off, let’s do a quick crash course on what the sphere of influence is.
Sphere of Influence: The people your ex surrounds themselves with whose opinions they truly care about.
This can be friends, family, co-workers.
But generally it’s the people they are really close with.
Here, I’ve made a graphic for you,
The closer you are to that middle circle in the graphic the more meaningful the sphere of influence is. I’ve literally seen this make or break peoples ex back campaigns.
And the crazy part is no one talks about it.
Here’s the interesting thing though. Whoever is in your exes “close SOI” can give you a hint at how serious the new person is.
If they are still talking to you a lot, generally that’s good.
If they completely surround the new person, that’s bad.
Where the sphere of influence goes, so too does the interest.
Sign #5: The Other Person Isn’t Threatened By You At All
The being there method really revolves around attachment styles.
Which is a strange way to look at it for sure but consider for a moment the brilliance of it.
There are four attachment styles,
With the being there method you are banking on the fact that your mere presence will irritate the new person enough to trigger a potential anxious attachment style.
This will cause them to self implode and all you really have to do is be secure yourself and present.
You just have to be there.
Morally is it a little grey ?
Does it work.
I’ve been doing this for ten years. Most of the time the being there method bears fruit. However, every once in a while a nightmare occurs, a rotten apple, if you will.
Sometimes your mere presence doesn’t irritate the new person at all. Sometimes the new person is secure and unbothered.
This means there will be no implosion.
This means your ex is more likely to fall more in love with this other person.
After all, our secure attachment gravity graphic does say that a secure attachment has the potential of leading by example, of showing other insecure attachments how to be more secure themselves.
Therefore, if your ex has an insecure attachment simply by being around this new, more secure individual, they can grow.
Which makes them fall in love.
Which makes them happy.