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Veera
July 14, 2013 at 3:58 am
Okey, I send my ex an e-mail couple days ago and after couple of days i got an answer. My e-mail was kinda funny, and i told him how i suddenly remembered him. He answered nicely and even recommended me a phone that could be good for me. I thanked him and ask has he bought grill that he planed. No answer yet. So what do you recommend, if he doesn`t answer when do i make my next move?
Veera
July 14, 2013 at 11:00 am
okey, Today I accidentally met my ex on the street. He was like, i didn´t recognize you, we talk a while and when i asked how he was, he kinda didn´t tell me anything. he didn´t look me in the eyes. i told he looked good but he didn´t tell me that back (and i looked good). He was very arrogant. Whats should i do next? please help me!!
admin
July 15, 2013 at 6:01 am
He could just really be scared of you b/c of a painful breakup
Veera
July 15, 2013 at 3:25 pm
maybe. but only time he looked very happy, was when i told him he looked good. am afraid that one day he takes me for granted, that i will be there for him. i was very flirty, when we met, and he was jealous, maybe i should do that again? be the one he fell in love with.
admin
July 15, 2013 at 11:41 pm
YES, but what caused you to lose that girl? during your relationship I mean.
Joanne R
July 14, 2013 at 2:48 am
Hi my boyfriend of a year an two months ended it because I borrowed money from my ex an I accepted a phone from him for Christmas which I told him my brother bought it for me he said hurtful things to me like he regrets being with me an with only a month apart he has someone new who he introduce to his parents an they all went out together what do I do
Joanne R
July 15, 2013 at 6:42 pm
I think I want him back is that wrong my chest fells like its crushing sometimes I can’t breath
admin
July 15, 2013 at 11:40 pm
Well, before you try to get him back make sure you try to cool your emotions off a little bit. Going after him when you are emotionally this much affected isn’t going to go well.
admin
July 15, 2013 at 5:59 am
Right now all you can do is implement the no contact rule and work on making yourself a better “version.”
Please help
July 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm
My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We got along great and barely had any fights. We broke up about 3 weeks ago, and it’s been really hard. He gave me reasons for the break up, that I didn’t talk to his family (we always hung out at my place), and near the end we got really boring. I didn’t want to do things he wanted to do, we just watched movies everyday.
Anyways, over the past 3 weeks I hate to admit it but I have texted him almost pleading with him to reconsider; that I can change everything that was wrong in our relationship.
I just found out however, that he already has a new girlfriend. He said he had feelings for her while we were together near the end, but never did anything. So literally the day after we broke up they starting talking and were official less than a week later. He promised me that there was no one else, but there was the whole time.
I’m scared because I feel that I do not stand a chance.. From what I can see they are very happy, she gets along with his family (they work together at a family business).
I should also mention that I was his first girlfriend (we are 19 now). We were very happy together except for the last little while of our relationship. I stopped showing him affection and giving him attention. When he broke up with me he cried quite a bit, which makes it hard for me to understand seeing as I have only ever seem him cry once before.
I did react badly when I first saw he had a girlfriend (I found out online), and I called him. We met up and I gave him back all the cute things he gave me. I did cry, but I did not speak badly about her. Everytime I hve tried to talk to him he says something like, “I’m sorry but this is how I feel, and nothing’s going to change it”.
Is there any hope for me?
What should I do?
admin
July 13, 2013 at 2:16 am
Right now all you can do is wait it out.
Please help
July 13, 2013 at 2:41 am
Should I just obey the 30 day rule? Then initiate contact, and follow the text message examples you gave in an article? Right now I don’t want to consider not getting him back an option..
admin
July 13, 2013 at 2:43 am
Yes, I would say do that exactly.
If you email me later down the road I can help you with the texts. However, it may take me a while to respond b/c I get an insane amount of emails every day.
Please help
September 1, 2013 at 12:13 am
Ok so I have not contacted him in almost 2 months and he has not reached out to me at all.. All I ever hear is how happy the two of them are together, they are constantly together and are even planning to move in together within the next 8 months. To me it looks as though he has completely forgotten about me.
Should I even try contacting him? Or is it too late for me?
admin
September 1, 2013 at 4:50 am
Why not. You have nothing to lose.
Please help
July 13, 2013 at 2:35 pm
Thank you for your help. Considering all your experience in this area does this situation sound hopeless? It feels hopeless. Does this new girl sound like a rebound or is she the real deal? He said he started to fall for her after the fight we had.
Thank you for listening!
admin
July 15, 2013 at 5:33 am
Well, Let me tell you that every situation feels helpless. Usually the women with the most success though are able to keep their emotions in check and be extremely disciplined.
I would say that the situation looks like a rebound to me. However, the issue is how long will they last?
Please help
July 12, 2013 at 7:34 pm
I should also mention that we did have a fight a week before we broke up. I had said that he holds me back, I was drinking and did not mean it. He said that that was our turning point. But other than that there were no warning signs. He was still at my house every day leading up to the break up, and he seemed fine.
Judy
July 12, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Hello,
My ex and I were together for five years. I loved him dearly and still do, but the last year of our relationship we sunk into an unbearable depression. We were both miserable. It showed in how we treated each other and how we treated ourselves. He didn’t want to be around me, I was sad most of the time, and both of us stopped caring about our physical appearance and lost all ambition.
Let me back up and explain how we got there. I fell in love with this guy the very first time I saw him. We met in a professional setting. He was in a position where he couldn’t date me without being fired. But our attraction for each other was so strong we started dating secretly. I made the first move. On our first date he fell asleep in my arms and I whispered that I loved him. On our second date, the following day, he told me he wasn’t asleep and that he loved me too. So the first year and a half of our relationship was a secret. Then I went somewhere else and we started dating out in the open.
I suffer from depression and social anxiety. Due to other cases of mental illness in my family as well as a bad experience with a therapist I saw briefly in high school I was afraid to seek help. So I had my problems entering the relationship. He, on the other hand, is an extremely social guy with millions of friends. He likes going out and being the center of attention. He seeks out companionship and thrives on connecting with others. That’s one of the things I liked so much about him. Opposites attract right. I saw how he was in life and wanted to be like that too.
Most of the time I could keep my depression and anxiety in check, but at other times I couldn’t. Not a few months in he started to realize how “shy” I was and did his best to help me. I became friends with all his friends. He encouraged me to do things I’d never have done before. But on occasion I just couldn’t be that social person he wanted me to be. He’d try to help me along in social situations when he’d see I was uncomfortable. He’d give me pep talks while I badmouthed myself. I began to imagine that he was embarrassed of me. Completely untrue, he was just trying to help me. Also, because the first year of our relationship was a secret he didn’t see me function as his girlfriend in social settings, so my “shyness” got worse with time not better.
Year three is when things got really bad. Let me give you an example of some of my behavior. For Thanksgiving he invited me to his parents house, who are such wonderful, loving people, to have dinner with a large portion of his family (about 25 people). I freaked out thinking that they wouldn’t like me, they wouldn’t think I was good enough for their son, that I would make an irreversible mistake, etc… So I lied and said I was having dinner with my family. I told my family I was having dinner with his family. I spent Thanksgiving alone. Being the wonderful guy that he is he kept calling me to make sure I was having a great Thanksgiving. I didn’t answer the phone because I didn’t want to lie to him again. Worried, he called my father. My father told him I wasn’t there. He drove over to my house later that evening (2 hours away). His mother packed up a Thanksgiving dinner for me, and he sat with me in the middle of the night and forced me to have a Thanksgiving. I can remember him holding my hand and talking to me about my problems while I ate that delicious meal. I think that was the first time he realized how serious my problems were.
But my depression and anxiety went in phases, so for months everything would be fine. We’d have fun. I’d go out. We were perfect. Then I’d get into a depressed phase and things would go downhill. I don’t think either of us recognized these cycles. We’d just either be the happiest people on earth or be fighting and spend a lot of time at home instead of going out.
So my reclusive behaviors continued to happen. He’d invite me to hang out with his friends, go to parties, etc. And I would make up some excuse not to go. For him it was almost as though he didn’t have a girlfriend during those periods. That’s when he cheated on me. Year four. I found a text message on his phone by accident. He was in the bathroom and his phone went off. I picked it up to give it to him and saw that it was from a girl and she was asking about tickets to see something together. I asked him about it. He said it was nothing.
He started acting weird after that. He became distant and defensive. I looked at his email and found emails from this woman. I never thought in a million years I would ever invade his privacy. I just wanted to understand what was happening. The emails were pretty innocent, so I told myself I was crazy for thinking those things of him. But the emails also told me she was working with him. One night after going out with a friend I stopped by his work around 11:30pm. He was there with his boss and this other woman hanging out. He introduced me and my friend to her and we hung out with them for a little while. She was really cool and I convinced myself again that I was crazy. They were obviously just friends.
(Side Note: Another issue with our relationship was that his boss was also his best friend. This friend was really hurt when they found out we had been dating in secret. They hated me for a very long time, so I did not feel comfortable being involved in the work side of his life. It was hard to support him and get involved in the things he cared about. I also knew that he and this boss had some sort of relationship together that was more than friends at one point. Anyways his boss/ best friends hated me. And it was really apparent whenever I tried to be a part of his professional life. Which is difficult because we both work in the same field. Already being insecure, that made me feel bad about myself too and caused several fights between us. I thought he should have stuck up for me more. And sometimes he didn’t invite me to work things if this boss/best friend was going to be there.)
Back to the story of the other woman…The following week there was a party at his work. I went with him. We were having a good time until I saw the way she was touching him. I waited until the party was over and we were walking back to our car to say anything. In fairness to him, I sort of attacked him and demanded to see his cell phone. He throw his cell phone. I went and picked it up out of the street. He broke his car door because I wouldn’t get in the car. We almost broke up. But right on the spot we made up. I told myself the other woman was just a friend. Then one night he came over to my apartment and before we went to bed he placed his cell phone behind my bookcase. Odd behavior. So in the middle of the night I got out of bed and looked at his phone. There were seductive pictures of her on his cell phone. She was practically naked. I woke him up and we fought. He said she was interested in him, and she was sending those pics without his prompting. Then he admitted he made out with her one night after work but that was it. I still don’t know if he slept with her. I decided it didn’t matter and I forgave him. He didn’t do anything like that again.
Our relationship continued over the next year. We still thought we were going to marry and live our lives together. His mother told me at Christmas time they were looking for a ring. But, I had told him not to ask to marry me until I graduated from college. He asked me to move in with him. I said yes and then chickened out at the last second. We were still having problems. I had trust issues now. I was still falling into reclusive behavior, which increased because of these trust issues. He began to work more and more. We still loved each other, but fought all the time. He spent much of our time trying to instill self-confidence in me and dealing with my problems. My depression was the worst it had ever been, and I was no longer willing to be truthful and share that with him. I became suicidal and he didn’t have a clue I tried to take my own life. We were unhappy. Our relationship was poisoning us both.
After a year of living like this I broke up with him. I felt in my heart that he wanted to break up too, but was too much of a coward to hurt me. So I let him go and started to work on myself in a serious way. We remained in contact for three months after. Then all contact stopped for two months. I emailed him six months after the split that I missed him. He told me he missed me too. He said he agree that breaking up was the right thing to do. That we both had things we needed to sort out. That our relationship in the last year was extremely unhealthy. He told me he still thought we were soul mates and that I was the love of his life, but that that doesn’t mean we get to be together. But he also made me believe we were going to try to get back together.
During this time, after our split, I got help for my depression and social anxiety. I am a completely different person now. I made a whole new set of friends and go out all the time. I went on a trip outside the country and have done a lot of traveling within the U.S. Things I would have never done before. I joined several student organizations at my university. I graduated. I lost twenty pounds (the weight I had gained in that last year.) I’m running a ten mile race soon. I’ve taken on several other challenges I would never have done before. For instance, leadership roles. I also came to the realization that many of the little things I used to complain about in our relationship don’t matter anymore. They weren’t important. My values have changed drastically. I am more clear on what is truly important in life.
I know the saying is that people don’t change, but I really have. I seek out people now when I get sad instead of hiding away. My friends get me through the bad times. I don’t go it alone anymore, and the dark periods are shorter and less painful. My anxiety is completely gone. It took losing the love of my life and hitting rock bottom to change. I’m so much happier now. The only thing that is missing is him.
Less than six months ago I found out he was dating someone else. I made the mistake of calling him and asking him about it. After all, I was mistakenly under the impression that we would try to work things out. He had a long talk with me on the phone about how he thought I was wonderful and to keep changing and improving myself, but that I have to do it for myself and not for him. In an email a week later I told him I would fight for him. Then sent one asking to be just friends. He said he defiantly still wanted me in his life, but we both agreed we weren’t ready to be friends just yet. I also must admit I sent one drunken text a while back. He wrote me a very considerate email in response to it.
Two months ago this woman became his girlfriend. And through social media I have found out that he is doing all the things with her that I had complained he didn’t do for me in our relationship. It is very painful to see pictures of them together. When that happened I decided it was clear he was over me and I needed to move on too. He didn’t want me back. He was happy now. I fear he will always remember me as the sad, unhappy person I became in the last year of our relationship.
For the past two months I have been dating three guys on the regular. (Based on our recent communication, my ex thinks I have a boyfriend now too. I guess a mutual friend of ours saw me with one of these guys and relayed the info to him.) I however, want him back still.
I sent an email to him a few weeks ago explaining that I don’t resent him anymore for what happened, and that I saw the last year of our relationship from his point of view. I apologized for my behavior and apologized for not taking the time to understand what he was going through during that year too. I ended asking to be friends for real. He wrote back that he was very happy to get my email and that we should be friends. We are going to start by seeing each other in a group social situation. We haven’t seen each other since September. He wished me luck in the project I am working on, and says I have his support. He also recommended me for a job he’s working on. Last week I got an email from him saying we should meet for coffee and exchange our stuff. We never got our stuff back from each other.
So my questions are: Should I try to get him back? Or let him go because he seems happy with his new girlfriend? Do I even have a chance at getting him back? If he doesn’t want me back, do you think we can truly be friends?
Truth time:
I have pretty much initiated all contact in the past six months. But he always responds in a thoughtful and caring way.
He has introduced his new girlfriend to his family. They seem to like her a lot. Which makes me strongly believe it’s not just a rebound. That and the fact he also waited about seven months before he started dating.
I have a secret fear that if I was to get back together with him. I might become that unhappy person I was before. I can’t go back to being that person. I hated that person.
My family and friends think I’m better off without him.
He once told me when we were together that all his ex-girlfriends end up wanting him back.
Sorry that was soooo long. I just wanted to give you the info because I think the next few months are make or break for me in this situation. I don’t want to lose him. I could really use your help.
Thank you. 🙂
admin
July 13, 2013 at 2:42 am
Wow, that was long.
Honestly, if he is dating another girl then all you can really do at this stage is the no contact rule.
Eventually if you want to initiate contact then you can try out some of the stuff on this page.
But why would you want to go back with someone who makes you an unhappy person, or that you will have a fear of becoming an unhappy person again?
Samantha
July 12, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Me and my ex broke up a couple years ago and both started seeing new people shortly after and remained friends. Ive been the girl He Goes to whenever he has a problem that he needs help with. It’s been a while since we seen eachother so we hung out last night at his place and it felt like old times we talked about everything including that his and his girlfriend have taken a step back into an open relationship due to going away to collage but he still “loves her” but then while watching our favourite movie he pulled me closer to cuddle and kissed my forehead and nose and told me how he forgets why we broke up. He kissed me goodnight before walking me to my car when I left and I just don’t know how to get him to end it with her completely. He’s still the same amazing guy I was inlove with before.
admin
July 12, 2013 at 7:37 pm
Yea…. umm…. hes trying to set you up to be a friends with benefits type of deal.
Unfortunately, the only way to get him to end it with her is if he chooses to do so and ultimately that is up to him.
selina
July 12, 2013 at 12:07 pm
Me and my bf of one year just broke up.we already had a rocky relationship due to my trust issues and him not putting much effort.though we would break up he would always come back to me really soon saying we’ll be ok but recently I found out he has been sending msgs n calling another number apart from my number while he was on a holiday in another country.I found out the number is his uni girl mates. She wasn’t happy to find about our relationship and they say they r just friends but he’s broken up with me because he says its too hard to go on.this girl n him live in th same city and I live in another.I made the mistake of begging. And he said he will contact me after a month.he said he isn’t talking to the girl anymore when I mentioned her and if everything is ok he wont ever talk to her.what should I do? Im afraid he could be lying to me and continue seeing her and me if they are more than friends
Mississippi!
July 12, 2013 at 7:11 am
Thanks for the article and ur blog is well worth a read. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4years and couple of weeks back he dropped the bad news that he wants a break for about 3 months. He says he wants to date other women before he settles down. He said its not bcuz he isn’t sure about us, even if he was sure he wud still want to go dating. From what he said I feel he would come back to me after 3 months but how can I increase my chances. The 3months are going to be pretty much no contact. I said to him it’s upto him if he wants to initiate contact cuz the break is his idea. We r in good terms and we still love each other. I don’t see any major reasons as to why he wants to go off dating all of a sudden.
admin
July 12, 2013 at 7:21 pm
Hmm…
Well, what I think you need to do is spend the three months making yourself the sexiest version you can! Get in shape, if you aren’t already, new haircut, new clothes the whole nine yards. Also, it’s ok for you to go on a few dates as well. If he catches wind of it he may get a little jealous and that isn’t a bad thing in this case.
Megan
July 12, 2013 at 5:19 am
Me and my boyfriend had been dating for 9 months and we both lost our virginity to each other so we have a connection. I never wanted to lose that connection with him but he broke up with me for a week and went off and kissed this other girl and then claimed that he was still in love with me and wanted me back. After many nights of him begging I reluctantly got back together with him. We date for another two months and again out of the blue he broke up with me. This time I had had it and was done. I started talking to this other guy but I realized that I still had feelings for my old boyfriend but now he’s talking to the girl he kissed and I want him back before he goes to her. What do I do??
admin
July 12, 2013 at 7:29 pm
Hahaha No contact rule his butt!
T
July 12, 2013 at 5:16 am
What if you are doing no contact and it’s your birthday? Should you ignore them even if they say happy birthday or will that just be taken as rude?
admin
July 12, 2013 at 7:17 pm
Yup ignore them even then!
On my birthday I don’t respond to certain people who post on my Facebook wall and I don’t think its very rude.
Mina
July 11, 2013 at 9:06 pm
My ex and we dated for the last 5 months, everything was running nicely until recently when he started preparing to friend wedding. Later on I found out he was exchanging lots of messages with his ex and he was going to his ex or so called ex sisters’ wedding.
Before going to the wedding I asked him to choose and he asked me not to oblige him to choose. When he came back he was being sarcastic with all I was saying so I understood that it was over.
In my anger I asked a friend to write and e-mail to his “ex” letting her know that he was cheating on her while going out with me. I do not know if I did an unrecoverable damage to my chances to get him back. Do you think I still have a chance to get him back? And how can I do that?
admin
July 12, 2013 at 2:29 am
Im going to be honest, what you did was bad…. REALLY BAD.
I think your chances of getting him back dropped a lot and you are going to have to go on a 60 day no contact rule if you have any chance of getting him back.
Linda
July 11, 2013 at 5:40 am
My ex left me for the ex before me that cheated on him that’s why he started to see me. He left me because my old roommate texted this guy that I work with that I wanted to sleep with him from my phone and my ex read it so he thinks I cheated on I’m. Is there a chance for me to get him back.
admin
July 12, 2013 at 2:09 am
First off, I think the probability of the new ex and him being a rebound relationship is very high.
I do think you have a chance but make sure you don’t come off as desperate by blowing up his phone with texts. Play it cool and try out the No Contact Rule.
rebecca
July 10, 2013 at 5:44 am
im 20yrs old and im pregnant and my boyfriend has left me for another girl and it makes me sad and i stress all the time and want him back in my life what to do?
admin
July 11, 2013 at 1:05 am
Does he know that you are pregnant?
mell
July 9, 2013 at 2:52 pm
I was with the guy for what would have been 4yrs 18 July 2013. we have had a rocky relationship the last 8 months. my parents moved into my house that I am buying and were supposed to pay rent and they arent. i am to soft to just kick them out on the streets. I told them to get out and they still havent. MY ex said that we are fine together that its the stress from lack of dicipline of my 6yr old, stress from my parents, the sleeping on one side of the bed ( i just wanted him to show me that he still wanted me so i would lay on one side of the bed hoping he would come to me to cuddle and he didnt), he also said our relationship wasnt going anywhere but he new i wanted to wait til we had been together 5 years before i would marry him. he would tell my daughter he loved her but in a funny low tone. he would get upset about tiny things and stress me out so i felt like i was walking on eggshells sometimes. i tried so hard to keep him happy. i love him so much though that i am willing to forgive everything.
while i was out of town he texted me and said we needed to talk and i had this gut feeling he was going to break up with me so i said ” you arent goign to break up with me are you?” and he paused and said yes. i knew i shouldnt have asked but it was a feeling i had. i spent the next two weeks thinking about it. trying to find a way to get him to talk to me and come back, but he would just get mad and say no. i got into his facebook account while i was gone and the day after he broke up with me his “friend” mandi posted a pic thjat said something about sex and she wrote need to add this to your workout regmine and i got really upset. i didnt say anything to him. when i got him on the 16th of june i tried to sit and talk but he wasnt willing to even try to work things out. he just kept saying no. so i started to drink and ended up blacking out. i was later told that i did some pretty aweful things to him. a few days went by and he was still in some hurry to get me out so i waited for him to go to work and moved everything that was mine. he got mad blew up and wont talk to me. i still have a truck that we have to figure out what to do with. he is seeing this mandi lady, but i still want him back. what is your advice? do i try or do i give up?
admin
July 10, 2013 at 2:29 am
I say, if you are willing to,
give it your best shot but if it doesn’t work out, just know that there is someone out there for you. That sounds so cliche.
I think your problem is that you did some things that hurt your chances. He needs time to calm down a little bit and all you can kind of do is wait until his relationship ends which is probably a rebound.
Jay
July 8, 2013 at 8:45 pm
I have a 3 month old with my ex-boyfriend. When we were dating, I moved in with him for a week & a half and the result was our son. We had only been dating for 2 months when I got pregnant & he was actually paying on an engagement ring for me already (before we found out the news). We broke up when I was about 6 months pregnant because we were arguing about him rarely seeing me & instead hanging out with his friends when he got off work. When we were still broken up he took me out on a date, but also told me he won’t ever love me again. After our son was born we got back together cuz he realized he did love me. However, my parents decided we couldn’t see each other alone until I got birth control. That ticked him off. Then my parents convinced me to start child support proceedings. That ticked him off majorly even tho I warned him beforehand. We broke up again. We met the next day at Burger King & he said he still loved me. We continued texting for maybe 2-3 weeks. One day I was texting him about missing him because he worked so much & he answered back ‘well that’s what happens when you’re with someone who works’. So instantly I assume he means we’re dating. The next day I learn the opposite cuz he’s dating another girl. My friend saw her pic on his phone background screen the same night he told me I was with him. He even said ‘I haven’t told Jay yet’. So I call him & ask. He doesn’t admit it & says he’s only thinking about dating her. I eventually hang up crying before I say something I’m going to regret. I contact the girl who says they are dating & have been for about a week. Even though for that entire week he had been calling me baby girl & saying ‘I love you’ and stuff like that. So a couple days later he tells me he doesn’t love me to my face (twice. The first time was hesitantly & the second sounded forced). Then 2 weeks later I find out he’s engaged to this girl who he has been dating for less than a month. Now it’s been a month & a half for them (both engagement & dating) & I’m still miserable. This girl has a reputation for getting guys into bed then dumping them. She’s been engaged before & they broke up after she cheated on him. She’s cheated on multiple guys. I’m freaking out cuz I feel like she’s just going to hurt him & I can’t stop it. I hate seeing him hurting. I still love him & yeah, I do want him back even though he’s been a jerk to me… I found out recently he still has all our old pictures in a picture album because he doesn’t want them damaged but he did return the engagement ring to the store (he never finished paying on it). He got upset when I returned some of his things to him & wants to give them back to me. And he’s not the type of guy who’d keep old photos… At least he never used to keep them…
So obviously the no contact rule won’t work for me cuz of the baby. He likes to tease me, but he is the type to tease all girls, even his ex girlfriends. And he does ask his mom about me since his mom & I Facebook message each other like crazy. One of my friends is dating his roommate & was there & saw him reading over her shoulder when we were messaging back & forth. Maybe it’s just me but it sounds like he still loves me but doesn’t like my parents rules. His mom even said he still loves me in a way but my parents made him unhappy so he left… I’m just at a loss of what to do… I still love him but I don’t know about him. I feel like he does & some facts support that but others don’t…
Jay
July 8, 2013 at 9:04 pm
Oh. She’s also super controlling & I found out she just had a breakup 2. But he says he’s never been happier & people are saying he does act super happy… Is it possible they’re using each other for a rebound? They’re clinging to each other like crazy & she controls everything he does & if he does something she doesn’t like then she complains about it openly on Facebook & even tags him in the post.
admin
July 9, 2013 at 3:05 am
Well, you can do a modified version of no contact. Where you limit your responses to him and try not to talk to him unless absolutely necessary.
I think him and that girl could very well be a rebound.
I am just a casual observer but any time I date a girl and her parents make rules I don’t like it. I want a relationship to be between me and another person, not the other person and her parents. Of course, I think you are entitled to child support if you aren’t together. Nevertheless, I can see what he may be feeling.
Jay
July 9, 2013 at 9:58 am
Yeah, I know how he is feeling to & I wish I could stop those bad feelings. I do wish my parents would stay out of our relationship. They like to meddle & plus they don’t particularly like his parents. I feel like they’re making us (& our relationship &, in the long run, our son) unhappy because of his parents. It’s kinda like a modern day Romeo & Juliet. Parents don’t like each other so the kids don’t have much of a chance unless they go against their parents’ wishes. The only difference is his parents act like they absolutely adore me. Now I don’t know if its me they adore or if they’re just being nice cuz I’m the mother of their grandson & they know they’ll get to see him before the child support hearing if they’re nice to me.
Also, yeah I do kinda think all those things are good signs for me. All our friends (who I’ve talked to about it, which they’re all female, the guys are very good at changing the subject on me) who know both my ex & the girl, say its going to totally be over in another month & he’s going to take a week or so to recover & then come crawling back to me. Which I’ve already given him a “challenge”: he’s the type of guy who hates to be single so I told him if they break up 1) he’s gotta work for me & 2) he has to be single for at least 6 months (which gives me time to request a STD test from him- which’ll tick him off but if he won’t do it then I’ll be like ‘no, not dating you until you have an STD test cuz we don’t know if she had anything.’ We come from a county that has free anonymous STD tests for young adults & teens every month at the local hospital). I’m STD free & would like to remain that way.
Anyway, I’m currently trying to find a way to convince him I don’t care what my parents think (he seems to think they control me or something) and that I want to date him cuz I love him & I don’t care what my parents think. Which is true. I’ve stopped caring what my parents think cuz they’ve driven away everybody else & I’m angry that they’ve driven away him. I know they’re trying to be helpful & loving but… it’s too much running my life & not being helpful so much. I’ve tried just telling him that but he doesn’t believe me (although my opinion is he acts like he wants to but that might just be me being hopeful) so I know I need to go to actions to show it. Any ideas?
Also, yesterday I texted him about our son’s doctor’s appointment today & he texted back & then even asked how I was but immediately after I had to keep the convo going. It’s like he makes a little effort then steps back to see what I’m going to do & if I’m going to make the effort 2 (at least that’s what I feel like he’s doing). He’s always done this: make a little effort then decides to let me take over (& me being an idiot, I do & later I’m like ‘idiot! Why’d u do that?’). How do I get him to make more of an effort in our relationship? Both now & later when we’re (hopefully) back together.
Sorry this is so long but I’m long winded & a chatterbox. Sorry.
admin
July 10, 2013 at 2:19 am
I have a lot of comments and emails to go through today so I am just going to answer your last question.
How do I get him to make more of an effort?
For one, once he makes a little effort, don’t take over like he wants you to which you said in your comment. Also, you need to kind of play a game of cat and mouse with him. Dangle the mouse in front of him but never let him have it. This way you can take control and he will keep chasing (which is the way it’s supposed to be.)
Jay
July 9, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Also, is it a good or bad thing that we’ll argue via texting for an hour but see each other like less than an hour later (like at my son’s healthy families appointment) and he’ll act perfectly normal & even flirt with me. Keep in mind he is an accidental flirt sometimes… He won’t even realize he’s flirting until someone points it out. Cuz at the last appointment he grabbed my hand for a second, when I was holding a toy for our son, then suddenly shoved my hand back at me. He didn’t even need to randomly grab for the toy he just did… And it was a big enough toy that his hand didn’t even have to touch mine but he put his hand on top of mine & then suddenly forced it back at me &, if my memory serves me correctly, looked away quickly.
admin
July 10, 2013 at 2:21 am
Try not to get into any arguments via texting. If you sense that he is getting angry just step away and not respond until he cools off.
I think it is a good thing that he is an accidental flirt towards you but don’t get overly excited by it.
Jay
July 9, 2013 at 2:24 am
I’m sorry that I keep commenting but 2 other things that might be important came to mind:
He did give his virginity to me. I don’t know if that is a behavior changer but it could be. Since he was in a relationship with a girl before me for 2 years & he didn’t have sex with her even tho she did apparently try to convince him into it. Reason why they broke up.
Also, when we were broken up the first time I decided to mend a relationship with another ex so that ex & I could be friends again & he got insanely jealous. He sent me a Facebook message that basically said something like ‘I heard you were hanging out with Ty & just to let you know: I don’t care’. Which him doing that completely proved the opposite. He was also super protective (when we were broken up & I was still pregnant) cuz he found out another dude was harassing me & he told me to tell that *beep* to stay away from me or else.
Promise I’ll stop commenting now. I just thought of those things & wanted to add them real quick.
admin
July 9, 2013 at 4:47 am
All those things are really good signs for you and I think you know that!
LELE
July 8, 2013 at 12:58 pm
Me and my ex have been dating for 7 months we lived together for 4. Now financially he has more dominant and loving caring supportive nurturing calm. I have been. Irk what happen but I helped him with getting his new job and been by his side since he has been in doubt. His kids and family loves me a lot. He said I don’t understand sometimes and didn’t care about how he felt. When it came to the little things. I love him deeply.!we get along. Great and have wonderful chemistry. I’m 21 and he is 36. We both have the same signs and likes and all. I know its my fault. But I want him back. He was like I love you I want you I wanna. Be with you. But we are not going to be together. I think he just wants me on my feet financially and to gain some years of experience. He doesn’t have a girlfriend that I know of. But hey… before he does get one I wanna try and get on my shit and get my man back.
admin
July 9, 2013 at 2:22 am
Hahaha… well already the thing that stuck out to me was the age difference. You are 21 and he is 36. Now, I am all for it. I have no problem with the age difference like most people will. However, I can’t deny that at 36 years old your priorities are going to be very different than a 21 year old. He may be looking for something more mature.
Anyways, try the no contact rule for 30 days and then reach out to him.
Why did you two break up?
angel
July 7, 2013 at 11:07 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend June 3rd. it would have been 2 days till we have been together for a month, but my friend told me he texted her saying that he loved her and wanted to be with her instead of me and she even waited 3 days before telling me, and my friend went on our first date. she was supposed to go with her boyfriend but he stood her up. anyway, when I found out that he texted her that I was so angry that I dumped him. but now I think about all the fun times we had together like on our first date we held hands, and when we would meet at the park I would give him hugs, and if he wasn’t on vacation on our one month anniversary I would have kissed him. but after he dated me he dated a girl from Fargo, then she broke up with him after 1 day, and now he is dating one of my good friends (not the one that went on our first date.) and I want him back what do I do?????????????????
admin
July 8, 2013 at 2:24 am
Honestly, I think the problem is that he wanted your friend and not you.
You need to find a way to up your value in his eyes. You barely dated a month so it’s almost like you can start over from scratch.
Beccy
July 7, 2013 at 7:44 am
Hi, My ex fiance and I were together 3 and 1/2 years, with some minor ‘stupid’ breakups, always over a stupid fight or misunderstanding we put it down to our immaturity. Almost 3 months ago we had a mutual breakup as we both felt things were not working out (now I see the reasons were trivial and I know we can be happy again). About a week after breaking up we were helping each other find somewhere else to live and helped each other sort out our belongings etc, throughout this time we became very close once more and decided we would still see each other but still live apart to have some space to appreciate each other again, we were so in love we had found our spark and our passion for each other it was amazing! He gazed into my eyes like he always did and I felt more love for him than I ever have! we both thought that it was what we needed to realise how much we meant to each other. Though after a week of living apart and having a bit of space-we still were in contact via txt and phone daily, everything seemed fine. Though after the first week, he came over to talk and had decided that he just wanted to be friends, that he wanted to be single for awhile and just hang out with his mates, he told me not to worry about him getting with someone new as he was not interested at all, he just wanted to relax, he assured me we would still see each other and talk and take our puppy for walks together. After about a week I had called him saying it was a mistake and that I loved him and wanted to get back together, he got angry and defensive and wouldn’t listen to me, just kept shutting me down. A week after this he had deleted all our facebook photos, unfriended and blocked me and had started a new relationship with an older women he had just met through friends. It all happened so fast, I was shattered, I tried playing the I hope she makes you happy ‘card’, though it didn’t last long as before I knew it I was a blabbering mess. Another week after he started dating her, he moved away near his parents house (as he wasn’t doing well with money as I was the main bread winner, his parents helped him with money and rented him a unit), he quit his job and now lives in a small town, where she recently gained work too. I have tried the no contact rule, though felt that the anger and resentment was eating me alive and asked if we could let it go and be civil adults now, he had replied saying there is no more anger and asked me if it was ok if we catch up and talk over the phone but not for a little while, I agreed and said just let me know when you want to talk. I was so happy with this and did not contact him until a week later as our dog had an accident and I felt I had to text him to tell him, he replied with a cruel response saying we have nothing to do with each other any more and the dog is now my responsibility though he was worried about him. I was so confused as a week before things seemed ok, I know I just wrote so much I felt I needed to include these details, I just am so head over heals in love with him, I am so lost without him and I have no idea how to get him back, and why he changes his attitude towards me every couple of weeks!? And now that he lives about 7 hours drive away, it just makes things so much harder.. Any help I would be eternally grateful!! HELLLP!!! I need to show him I have improved myself and how much I love him and still want to marry him, but I do not know how I am meant to do this!?
admin
July 7, 2013 at 5:54 pm
Really the only thing you can do right now is let some time go by. Let the dust settle a little bit more and then try contacting him. BUT don’t ask for a dinner date or coffee. You need to take baby steps. Work your way slowly up to that point.
You went for too much too soon.
Beccy
July 7, 2013 at 11:25 pm
Thank you for the advice! That is what I am trying to do now, it was hard as he maintained he wanted to be friends, then ignored me, then would call me, etc etc.He has been so inconsistent throughout the whole process which has been so confusing! I have not acted like I want him back for almost two months now, only talking about our dog, or belongings, as he still has a lot of my things and I still have a lot of his things, so I guess instead if trying to sort that out, I should just leave it for now do you think? Based on the info I wrote in my first post, what do you think is he likely outcome in your opinion based on your experiences? I just feel his actions are speaking louder than words, I know him very well, he is very stubborn and hot headed. But for one week to be nice and say we will catch up then the next week saying the opposite (when there had been no contact in between) seems like he still is not sure..what do you think? Also Should I wait till he contacts me, or wait a few weeks and if he hasn’t contacted me should I contact him?
Thank youu!! 🙂
admin
July 8, 2013 at 2:31 am
Tell you what, just email me so I can give you more personalized advice.
Karena
July 8, 2013 at 7:14 pm
I’m in exactly the same situation as this was and following the same no contact rule, what was the outcome!?!?
admin
July 9, 2013 at 2:34 am
I am a little confused. You were in the same situation as what was?
Tayla
July 3, 2013 at 8:06 pm
I was dating this guy for 15 months. he was my first boyfriend and my first everything…. we we’re really inlove with eachother and everyone loved seeing us together.
we used to fight alot,, about him having sex with his ex before we dated. and that really hurt me because it wasnt special for him like it was for me.. but anyway.. we had a break for a month before the ‘real’breakup happened and during that time i was changing while he was getting over me.. i never knew that though.
he broke up with me over sms. i saw him a week later at a bar with his friends and i asked to talk… yep.. i ended up begging like an idiot. and he basically said he still loves me but he cant get back with me. its been 7 months and im still hurt badly from this. During these past few months ive been messaging him , begging him and all that. yes i know it is exactly the wrong this to do when i want him back. and all he does is swear at me and asks for me to leave him alone. he recently asked this one girl out that his known for 3 years and he isnt very open about her like he was with me, he always compares our relationship to what he has with her now. ive been going on websites and ive tried to find out what this guy is really about, and i clearly have no idea what he wants. please can someone tell me if i even still have another chance with him ..
admin
July 4, 2013 at 4:20 am
Hi Tayla,
First off, let me reiterate that this method, while it can be wildly effective is not guaranteed to get him back. Ok, I think your problem is that he is telling you that he doesn’t want to hear from you yet you keeping texting him and bothering him. Pretty soon he will put you in the crazy ex girlfriend category and once you are in that category it is really hard to get him back. I advise you to lay off and focus on you for a while. It is ok to let him be for a while and let his new relationship work it’s course.
Once enough time has passed then I would suggest that you try to repair any damage you may have caused.
Veera
July 3, 2013 at 4:37 pm
okey, I just found out that my ex`s new girlfriend is on rebound also. Could this be bad or good news? they both might be clingy. and thats why so madly in love.
she broke up just before we did. I don´t know if they had anything going on before we broke up. I kinda doubt that they might not have, but who knows. they had work party on saturday and we broke up on tuesday. and also third person from they work place broke up with girlfriend same time as those two.
admin
July 4, 2013 at 4:06 am
My gut tells me…. GOOD NEWS! They could both be using eachother for rebound purposes. Don’t hold me to it though. I am just speculating but that is my two cents.
Veera
July 4, 2013 at 4:18 am
I also heard that they are living together now, cos she lost her appartment, and they have met each others parents. She was looking a new place, but i don´t know is she anymore.
Martha
July 3, 2013 at 3:44 am
My ex and I were each others first loves I was 14 he was 15. We dated up until my senior year of Highschool then he got with another girl 2 months after and they dated for about 7-9 months I believe. When they broke up he would start to come around my family more and more. Him and my brother are good friends so we all started hanging out again. We had casual sex on and off for a few months and one day I made out with another guy at a party and he flipped. Then the next day said he wanted me back and we began to talk. We got back together in February and recently broke up in June a week after our break up he had another girlfriend who he says he never felt a connection like he does with her. He swears he didn’t cheat and wasn’t talking to her that they met that week and hit it off. I told him how I felt and said a few bad things but I also told him he deserves to be happy. I don’t want to end badly because he still hangs out with my brother and comes to my house to hang with him. He says he loves his new girlfriend & he’s so happy. I love this guy but I feel every time I let him in it always ends badly. Idk if I should fight for him or just let him be happy with her if I obviously couldn’t fill those shoes. What should I do?
admin
July 4, 2013 at 4:11 am
Hi Martha,
Here is my advice.
The biggest play you can make is to just give him time to let this new relationship run it’s course. In the meantime though, work on healing yourself and improving yourself. If you really want him badly you can try to get on talking terms with him and try to push his emotional hot buttons. Only do this after you have implemented the no contact rule though ok!
Martha
July 5, 2013 at 5:32 am
Thanks for the advice. I was planning on doing this but what if he’s with my bother alot and I see him frequently? How can I have no contact if he’s around. For example he came with my family too our Fourth of July trip to the lake etc. when I figured he would be off with his girlfriend?
admin
July 6, 2013 at 4:39 am
Well Martha,
I say that you don’t want to be rude to him or anything if he is around a lot. Simply limit your conversations with him. Make them shorter than normal and be super pleasant and happy. Don’t engage him in talking about the relationship until YOU are ready to do so.