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125 thoughts on “EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend”

  1. M.

    March 23, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    Hi Chris! Do you beleive that showing of some skills like cooking,drawings etc. on fb would be a good idea to make an ex reconcider??

    1. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      Haha I think it would be a good start!

    2. M.

      March 27, 2015 at 6:30 pm

      ah! I wish!!and do you think posting photos of myself should be done in what frequency exactly? 1-2 per month or..? just not to show I do it on purpose

    3. M.

      April 5, 2015 at 5:39 pm


  2. chansz

    March 22, 2015 at 4:38 pm

    Hey chris me and NY son father broke up seven months ago and he has a new girlfriend he met as soon as we broke up his mom aunt and brothers all said he isn’t happy with her he wants his family back but every time I see him its not how he acts but then one day out the blue he tried to kiss and hug me but then he said he was happy with who he is with after I turned down his advances

    1. admin

      March 24, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      He was still with the new girlfriend when he did this?

  3. mimi

    March 20, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    hey admin , I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend our relationship has lasted for 4 years and I really want him back since he’s the love of my life and I can’t afford losing him. please I want help …. I’m so desperate

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      Please call me Chris!

      Have you started with NC?

  4. LadyP

    March 20, 2015 at 4:33 am

    Ok update (I posted on another thread prior to this). Long distance ex has just added me on Facebook again. Yes, I’ve gone through all recommended steps :). He posted the following on his page (yes, this is verbatim-but I took out a couple of swear words) : “Definitely felt I needed to do a better job with people in my life…. So…I’ve began speaking to my sister again, quit being whiny to a friend I’m visiting in Chicago in 2 weeks, apologized to and reconnected with a girl in town that I was a total jerk to, added (my name) back on here as a friend and spoke to her for awhile, and apologized to somebody on here who I was really rude to.” So…what does that mean, and why lump me in a message with some other girl? And also, notice how I’m the only one mentioned by name?

  5. Ayushi

    March 19, 2015 at 11:44 am

    hello Chris..
    i need your help.. i really want a solution
    I and my long distance boyfriend of two years met on Facebook. at first it was amazing. we were quite serious for each other..
    after 6 months of dating he came to meet me for the first time..everything was great..but after an year i found out that he was cheating on me at the beginning but left her for me cause he got strong feelings for me.. he never apologized for that cause i already forgave him..but as a surety i asked him to get a tattoo of my name on his ring finger and he did so..
    then we got back to normal..i deleted my Facebook, left all my friends cause he was insecure .. i admit that he is so egoistic..he never admit his mistakes and always make me feel guilty even if its his fault..he was sweet but very stubborn..but he loved me truly
    after 6 months things changed.. later he
    started to show that he is extremely busy with work and study..he barely response..
    so in a frustration i broke up expecting his call or message but he dint ..
    then after 2 months i called him..asked him to take me back..was begging for that.. but he dint change his mind..
    so i gave up and tried to move on..we were friends during this time..
    after a month he came here to meet me.. but i was not giving him much time and spent more time with my friends (as i was angry cause he refused my proposal fir patch up)..he was deeply hurt by this.. and for the first time i saw him crying because of me ..
    that changed my mind and i apologized.. and i did everything to get him back..
    but now he don’t want to get into a relationship with me..he wants to be friends with me but no relation..
    i call him like 200 times in a day..100 of messages but he always talk rude as hell..he says he want to b friends but no relationship talks..
    i cant stay like this..i truly love him..
    i try to make him understand that if i can forgive him for his cheating without using a word breakup..then why he cannot forgive me for my ignorance..
    he says he has no feelings for me now but if we stay friends maybe he will fall for me again..i asked him if he will remove his tattoo..he said tattoo of my name will always be there on his finger.. this confusing me..cause he says he doesn’t love me and his actions says he does…
    i am trying to convince him since last two months..
    now i’m afraid of applying NC..because in your previous articles you said that being desperate will push him away.. what if he get someone else..? he still thinks that its all my fault
    what should i do Chris ?

    1. Ayushi

      March 22, 2015 at 4:38 am

      will you please reply Chris ? :/

    2. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 5:37 pm

      Sure, what would you like me to answer for you?

    3. Ayushi

      March 23, 2015 at 4:39 am

      okey.. I think you haven’t read what I posted above..
      I and my ldr boyfriend have broke up.. but he wants me to be friends with him..
      whenever t try to talk to him about our relationship, he always ignore me and talk to me rudely..
      he says he wants me in his life but as a friend..
      and I’m scared that if I will apply NC, he will find a new girl..
      What I should do in this case ? Should I be friends with him?

    4. Jake

      March 28, 2015 at 12:00 am

      I want you to read your comment again. Maybe ten times. You need to realize how crazy you sound. This guy does not like you, want you, respect you. You need to 100% FIND SOMEONE ELSE. I’m a guy and I 100% guarantee he does not like you or take you seriously.

  6. LadyP

    March 19, 2015 at 6:12 am

    Ok update (I posted on another thread prior to this). He had just added me on Facebook again. He posted the following on his page (yes, this is verbatim) : “Definitely felt I needed to do a better job with people in my life….so…I’ve began speaking to my sister again, quit being a whiny bitch to a friend I’m visiting in Chicago in 2 weeks, apologized to and reconnected with a girl in town that I was a total prick to added (my name) back on here as a friend and spoke to her for awhile, and apologized to somebody on here who I was really rude to.” So…what does that mean, and why lump me in a message with some other girl?

    1. admin

      March 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

      I almost feel like he is trying to get a reaction out of you.

    2. LadyP

      March 22, 2015 at 8:12 am

      Well, he didn’t get it. I said I’m glad he was working on things with his sister and didn’t mention the other girl at all.

    3. LadyP

      March 22, 2015 at 8:14 am

      Also, he’s planning some traveling over the next several weeks. He said he wants to go somewhere on the weekends over the summer and that he has no reason not to. Is now the time to ask for a visit?

  7. E

    March 17, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    How do you deal with your ex promising to move in for 3 years and we had a daughter for him to get with a girl just out of a relationship and move to Oz in less than a year. He is doing all the things he never did with me and he was still telling me he missed me and now we don’t speak and he doesn’t to our daughter

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 8:50 pm

      Did he move in with you at all?

  8. Ella

    March 15, 2015 at 6:49 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thank you this web site. I listened to both podcasts about long distance relationships. I was in LDR for about a year and it was a LDR from the start. We tried our best to make it work by staying connected by texting, Skype and trying to schedule visits to see each other. However, life got in between. We were not able to be in the same place as quick as he has hopped, because I still needed to finish my studies. When we saw each other the last time he said that we got disconnected and that he doesn’t want to continue like this. We got into an argument and he left. I tried to reach out to him right afterwards but he didn’t want to communicate with me. After that we haven’t been in contact for about 2 months and when I contacted him again I got a positive response. Now we are communicating, but it’s very casual. When I wished him happy birthday recently, he had thanked me for the wishes and at the same time apologized for everything, saying that the distance was hard for him. I thanked him for the apology and then changed the topic. I don’t know if he has started seeing someone new, he hasn’t mentioned it to me, but as it has been more than 4 months after the breakup so it’s a possibility.
    I have a few questions:
    1. In a recent post you were mentioning chances of reconnecting with an ex. I guess the chances to reconnect with your ex in LDR are even lower than in normal relationship?
    2. How can I find out if he is seeing someone else or not without being to direct? If he is seeing someone new that is close by, would that make the chances of reconnecting almost nonexistent?
    3. The distance seemed to be the main issue for him and maybe also a reason he wouldn’t give this relationship a second chance. How can I let him know that distance is not an issue anymore and that now we could be in the same place in just few months?

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 6:34 pm

      Thanks for commenting and listening!

      1. It is a little bit harder due to the distance but I am a LDR veteran myself so I know its possible.
      2. Subtly allude to it and as lame as this might sound facebook stalk him a bit if you are that curious.
      3. Build attraction with him first before you bring the distance up but when you do talk about it like it will be conquered and allude to the fact that you two can be together in one place.

  9. Nicole

    March 11, 2015 at 12:43 pm

    Chris, this is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m in a very similar situation as Leslie, only my ex left me out of the blue “due to distance” (I was in the process of getting everything ready to move there). We had been dating for a year, and I had just returned from a trip overseas to visit him. He immediately started seeing a 19 year-old he worked with (he is 26), and I was heartbroken and confused. He had excitedly discussed my move just weeks before! This podcast really helped put things into perspective for me, and although I decided it is worth it to try and get back together, I now feel like I’m more emotionally prepared for the possibility of it not working out. Plus, I made sure to schedule a few dates this week 🙂 Thanks Chris!

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 7:14 pm

      Good for you Nicole,

      I was actually worried about this podcast not doing well haha.

  10. M.

    March 10, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    That was quiet heart breaking..I have 2 basic questions though: 1)Can you hook your ex without talking to him? and 2)how can you be a better deal for him if you don’t know what the other girl ‘offers” him??

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 6:47 pm

      1. In subtle ways yes but generally speaking no you can’t.
      2. By focusing on your weaknesses and shoring them up. Self improvement is key here.

    2. M.

      March 16, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      Yes but if he wont talk to you how you can do that? or if for example you have gotthen i better shape how can you show that?

    3. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 8:26 pm

      Facebook is a great way of subtly showing the in shape thing.

    4. M.

      March 19, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      like photos in a gym or what? and will it help if you weren’t fat anyway? and how can youshow good aspect of your character if you can’t talk to him??

    5. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 3:45 pm

      Yes, I think photos of you in the gym or something lik ethat would be effective.

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