How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

125 thoughts on “EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend”

Fifi

October 17, 2015 at 11:15 am

Hello Chris,
one of my father’s best friend has a son and hes like in grade 11 now. me and him used to be friends when we were like kids. and then i didn’t see him and talked to him anywhere until last year when he added me on facebook and we started chatting. after like a few times chatting he said that he likes me and he want me to be his girlfriend and stuff but since i didn’t like him at that time and i was finding him annoying i rejected him. then i slowly started replying him late and then i didn’t reply him at all. then i unfriended him on facebook. then my mum’s cousins are like his relative (my bf’s name is amir ) and so when i went back to my country last christmas for holiday he told them like to ask me why did i block him and why am i mad at him and what did he do wrong and all but i said like he started liking me and i didn’t want that so thats why. then one day we were invited to some celebrations and then i accidentally met him there but then i completely ignored him and after like few days when i saw my mum’s cousins they told me like amir said why did you block him and he said he wants to talk to you and its so important and all and i told them that i didn’t block him i just unfriended him and after a few days he added me on facebook again. then i confirmed and he started chatting with me and he was like what did i do why are you mad at me why did you ignore me like that on that day what happened and he said like why did you even come there because when i saw you its like all my feelings for you started again and i said like don’t complain too much and don’t annoy me because this time i will block you but he didn’t listen and he was keep telling me those stuff so i blocked him. when i blocked him after i came back to where i live again he asked my mum’s cousin to message me and he begged him to ask me to unblock him and like that but i said no tell him that i won’t unblock him. and then since i blocked him i forgot everything about him until this summer when i went back to iran. when i went back my mum’s cousin started telling me like amir loves you so much and he can’t forget you and move on from you and so many girls like him and he reject all of them and he said he only want me and he changed too much he became better and when i was with her she was always messaging amir and when i asked why do you do that she told me because amir asked me to message him when im with you and the way she as messaging him it was like hey you love is here hey your eye is here your beloved is here and he asked her to give me her phone because he wanted to chat with me so i chatted with him a bit just like hello and how are you but he couldn’t believe that it was me and he was just asking my mum’s cousin to tell me to unblock him and talk to him and like that but i said no because he still loves me. so after like few days when i met my mum’s cousin again she was like just unblock amir and be his friend he doesn’t love you anymore he just loves you as his sister and he changed so much and he’s a really good boy and like that. so i was like in only 2 or 3 days how can someone who loves me just think that im his sister or likes me as a sister only. so i told my mum’s cousin if he really doesn’t like me anymore and im only like his sister then you can give my number to him and she said like yeah yeah he only likes you as his sister and he doesn’t like you anymore. the day that i told her that she can give my number to him she gave my number to him and he started messaging me on that day itself. then we started talking and he was calling me his sister all the time and sending hearts and stuffs and he was always messaging me and he was so nice to me and sometime in between things he was saying he was like telling me like youre my heart and stuff but i was just ignoring it. he was telling me that if he guy annoys me he’s gonna fight with that guy and he was calling me his girl and stuffs like this. until one day he told me that my mum’s aunt (my mum’s cousin’s mum ) asked him if he likes me and she was like begging him and swearing to know the truth that whether he really likes me or not and i asked what did you answer her and he said i said yes i like you. and i said like why did you say that do you really like me and she’s my mum’s aunt and she will tell my mum about it and he said yeah i still love you and i cant move on from you and things like this and i asked then why did you say im only like your sister and he said to make you forgive me and be friends with me again and talk to me. so he asked me to be his gf again but i said no and we were just like friend-zoned… then i realized i slowly started having feelings for him and like him. then he was coming to my grandmother’s house’s street and watching me from the window and then we started to like call and talk on the phone and chatting more. we were getting closer everyday and once he wanted to run away from his parents and home and everyone asked him not to and they tried to control him but he didn’t listen but i asked him and told him like don’t go and if you go im not gonna talk to you anymore so he didn’t run away because of me and only me. like if i didn’t ask him he would run away. then i decided to tell him that i like him since i was sure about his love towards me and i trusted him so i told him that i like him and we started dating. we were fine and we were always chatting and calling and he was so nice to me and he loved me so much and even with my immature attitude which i was always getting mad jealous so fast and i was so sensitive and childish and i was arguing with him everyday and telling him that relationship was hard and i wanted to break up but he still calmed me down and made me feel better and he was always telling me he will kill himself if i break up or leave him. he was so afraid of losing me and he loved me so much and once because i wanted to break up he cut himself and another time he just wrote my name with knife on his breast like “F”. and we met like 2 times and he was coming to see me and also from the window and once he even like chased me to where i was going to just see me even though i was with my mum and yeah. (we kissed each other 2 times on cheeck and took a selfie). even once when he came to see me he my dad almost saw him. then i came to malaysia and we were still all fine and he promised to never leave and stay by my side forever and he was so afraid of losing me and he was always telling me like don’t forget me when you go to malaysia what if you find someone else or dont love me anymore and stuffs like that. and his instagaram he posted my picture and his bio was like in love with farimah and stuff. then after sometime when i came back here like after a few weeks i felt he’s becoming kind of less interested in me but i just ignored it. until when he started like giving me excuses that his internet has a problem and all and one day he didn’t chat with me so to make him jealous i posted a picture of me and one of my guy friends. then he became so angry and he started telling me that i hate you is that how you thank me for the things i’ve done to you and i won’t even remember or say your name anymore and stuffs like that. and he deleted my pic from his instagarm and removed his bio and followed some girls (like when he was dating me and before that when he only liked me he was never following any girls) then i told him why have i done that and he said with what i’ve done i burnt him and i broke his heart and he told me he cant leave me but he cant forgive me also so he asked me to choose and tell him if i can stay with him or not and i said yes and he forgiven me and we became fine. ( and i was still having my immature and childish attitude and all yeah ) then after that picture he started being even colder with me and i felt hes not that interested in me anymore and he wanst as kind and as nice as before and he wasnt sending me like hearts that much and all and he was relying a bit late sometimes and his excuses about wifi not connecting and these shits became even more. (but he changed back his instagaram bio after some days to like fifi’s and he posted m
y pic again and he was still staying up late like until 3 or 4 or 5 am to chat with me). and then one day he told me that his mum is gonna take his phone because he had an exam and she would give it back to him at night. and then that night he didn’t come online but i saw he liked a few pics on instagarm. so the next day when he messaged me and told me he just got his phone back i didn’t reply him and after like 7 or 8 ours he was like okay find dont reply me bye and i was like look who’s talking and those kind of stuff but he didn’t reply and after a day i messaged him i told him that i know youre angry at me but you want to continue or break up. and then he replied me and he was like giving non sense excuses and all kind of different excuses like we started to early and like something happened in my life that i can’t do anything about it and like i don’t want to be only with one girl and all kind of different excuses and he was like i have to go for about 2 months and come back so if you want you can wait for me or else just go find someone else and i was like how can u say that an i was keep asking why he is doing these and what happened and i said i will tel his dad about all these (because when we started chating and when he told his dad his dad said like you can only date fifi if you really love her and if you want t leave her just tell me and i will tell her not to date u but he said i really love fifi and she is the only girl that can be in my life and like that and you know we were calling each other husband and wife and we had plan for future) then he was suddenly like you know what i like another girl and i was like what and he was like yeah i like someone else and i was like who and and he was like its non of your business and then i called his name in chat and i was like amir and he was like yes honey (like a word which you only tell your love) and i was like do u really like someone else and he was like no i was just lying and he was like wait for me i will come back in 2 months i need to change and i was like u still like me and stuff and he was like yes i swear i love u still more than anyone in my life and i will come back and wait for me and i asked like can u put your bio back again (cause after i didnt reply him he removed his bio and delete my pic again) and he said no my instagaram is being checked and something and we can not chat in those two months and we i love you and bye. and after like we said bye we didnt talk until i found one girl in her instagarm that had last name same as him and his bio was like in love with amir so i thought he was cheating on me so i messaged him like is that how u were gonna change and after 1 week he messaged me and said that girl is his friend’s gf and he was right but i didnt reply him and after 2 days he was like hey im talking to u and i was like yes and he started being mean to me and he was like so what if i date someone what will happen and like that then he was like when i talk to u dont answer me back like he was talking to me as if he is mad at me and everytime i didnt reply he was keep message me again and then i was answering but he didnt reply then after few days he messaged me and he was like whats up and he said my profile pic is so good and all and we stopped chatting then he messaged me again like whats up after few days and i was like why would it matter to u then he didnt reply. then like few days ago he suddenly messaged me and he started being so mean and he said he will tell my dad that we were dating and like that and he was so mean and he was like huh look u love me but see i made fool of u and he was like i will send screenshot to ur dad and i was like omg what do u want and he was like nothing then he was like i want so many things and good thing and he was like if u want me not to tell ur dad take pic of ur …….. and send it to me and he was like huh what happened why u so shocked and he was like keep messaging me and tell me and beg me and force him to send pic or he will tell my dad and he was like 1 minute then i will tell send me faster faster but i didnt send and he was like so u no send me okay i will tell ur dad have fun but he was like just give me its just a pic and like give give faster and i didnt reply and he wanted to force me more so he said then i will tell ur uncle also but i didnt reply and yeah he didnt do anything he didnt tell my dad. now he is dating someone else… like that girl commented on his pic and yeah i understood he is dating someone else. but after we broke up all his pic captions are sad and he still like my pics and like that. he didnt post any pic of her in his instagarm or he didnt comment on her pics as he did for me or he doesnt have bio with her name.
That’s a summary of my story. Dear Chris can you please help me to get him back?
Thanks..

Chris Seiter

October 18, 2015 at 11:27 pm

Can you do me a big favor…

Can you give me a few bulletpoints of what you want to know.

I am spread too thin to dissect your situation right now.

Colleen

September 22, 2015 at 11:39 am

Hi Chris, Your honesty is welcoming. my long distance relationship of almost 2 years recently ended as I was making plans to move to his city. He got cold feet, wasn’t ready for this commitment again. (He is divorced). After a couple of months I texted him and he was very responsive, and it was positive. We continued to text for over 2 months, easy going stuff at first, then it was almost every day we would text. Then suddenly he withdrew, I knew something was up. I asked him outright was he now seeing anyone. He told me yes, it was recent. I don’t think he had any intentions of telling me about his new girlfriend. I was quite upset of course about him moving on, but mostly that he was being very serious and sometimes intimate in his messages to me, all while seeing somebody new. I felt disrespected. I told him this and promptly wished him well and said Goodbye! We haven’t spoken in over a month. The sad part of this is, I still very much love him and miss him. I don’t think this new girl will last, she has 3 small children and I know he wanted no part of any more kids as his are already raised. Her advantage over me is simply she lives in his city while I am thousands of miles away. I am trying to consider if its even worth trying again. His birthday is approaching. I may reach out to wish him a happy birthday. I think it might be best to find someone new in my city who won’t walk away cause things got real and a little tough. If its meant to be it will be as they say.
steph

September 10, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Hey chris!

My boyfriend and I started dating before he moved away and 4 months after we continued talking and after realizing how much we cared for each other did we decide to try the LDR. We live in separate states but we would visit each other every month. He was even in my city for a bit over a month and everything was amazing! He broke up with me a few days ago because he’s scared of settling down and he wants to figure out his life without having to feel selfish for considering his thoughts and feelings over mine, he also can’t handle the long distance any longer. He is my best friend and first love, I can’t imagine my life without him. I told him about my thoughts to relocate to where he is and he thinks it’s a great idea but he wasn’t willing to continue the long distance until that happened. He said there would be a possibility of us working on things if I moved down there but he didn’t want to be the one to influence such a life changing decision when he couldn’t say yes with confidence. We know that we love each other immensely and he wants to remain in contact, as do I. I understand that he needs his space and time to get his life together, but I also don’t want him to move on and forget me. I’m hurting really badly right now since this was so recent and it wasn’t a mutual breakup, I would’ve done whatever it took to be by his side. What are your thoughts on my situation?
Nora

September 6, 2015 at 6:22 am

I moved to another city 8 hrs away from him after the breakup. We were together almost 6 yrs and he was about to propose. It hurts me that he was falling in love with that girl long before our breakup. They were long distance friends and talked very little. Now that he broke up with me, he says he is so in love with her and thinks she is the one. Why? :s He barely knows her. It’s only been 2 months and he will declare his love; he feels pure bliss. He’s been traveling 2hrs every weekend to visit her. She is pretty, smart, and funny. I did the NC and started txting with him just a few days ago. I improved my image a lot and I had a lot of fun with my friends before moving to another city because of work. However, I don’t feel like I want to do this anymore, Chris. I am sorry. First, I am at a disadvantage being so far away. Second, it’s not about how I will trust him if we get back together, but why should I. Third, I don’t want to do this to her. I don’t know her, but I doubt she is a rebound. So much for my self-esteem. I have been comparing myself with her for the last month and it’s so unhealthy. I want him back. I love him so much and wanted a life together with him. I wanted to make him happy, to be his friend, lover, and support. However, I feel so selfish getting in the middle of their “unofficial” relationship (and their happiness) with my texts. It’s just not who I am 🙁 I feel like giving up, but I think that, like Leslie, I deserve better than to be a second choice. It’s just so sad and exhausting to play games for someone to love you back again. I feel like I gave him my whole soul. I don’t feel pain anymore, but it is much worse because I feel so empty right now. Nevertheless, I will start writing new memories in this blank space he left in me. Thank you for all of your articles; they were my daily homework that kept me busy when I was going insane.
Ally

July 24, 2015 at 5:02 am

Hi Chris,

I’m writing to you once again, because I’m really devastated right now and I have no one else to turn to. It sounds very sad and pathetic, I admit. I know you’re always busy, but I really hope to get a reply from you this time. As this is my last resort and also probably my final attempt to post on this website

I’m tired of constantly recapping my situation so I’m going to keep it brief. My partner and I were together for almost a year (he was more serious than I was and he talked about marriage kids etc, while I was always the non committal ungettable girl). We then were LDR for 4-5 months (he moved away for work). After he moved away, I realised how much I actually loved him deep down, so I finally became certain and wanted to follow through, I went to visit him in his new town. That’s when he told me he had met someone new, it wasn’t planned and he dumped me. I was obviously extremely heartbroken.

I followed your advice, completed NC, contacted him etc. We started talking on and off again but it was never consistent. We met once in a group, he didnt say much to me but he gave me an extended hug (not just platonic) when we parted. During this time (1-2 mths after breaking up), I know that he and that new girl had been on and off, and he finally broke up with her saying he had doubts about her being the one. But complicate things, our mutual friend who introduced us (thought she was looking out for me) took matters into her own hands and said some things to him. Till this day I have no idea what transpired but safe to say since then things have been awkward for us and never the same.

It took me almost 3-4 mths of on and off texting to finally have the courage to go to visit him once again. We had a time set up, but unfortunately he tried to change it and I was immature and threw a tantrum. Thats when we had our first real fight ever. He sent me an angry text saying he can’t deal with me anymore if I’m going to be difficult with him. And I’ve never heard from him again. I did NC for 3 weeks, and contacted him again which he never replied

However, what’s really pulled the trigger on me today are his photos on Facebook. It was his birthday recently (and I didn’t wish him as one of your post suggested birthdays are pointless for trying to reconnect as my message would just be one of the pile of wishes he would receive). But based on his Facebook posts, I know he was overseas (very likely at the dream place he has always told me about). Although there aren’t any explicit photos of whom he was with, I noticed that both him and that same new girl had updated similar cover photos on Facebook. That hints they are back together (which would now be 7mths after our breakup).

I’m really upset, and I know I can’t control his actions. But I just can’t accept that someone who was so committed at one stage could one day just walk away without an explanation with some new girl (whom I admittedly thought initially was a rebound). And I really don’t know what my chances are anymore, or whether its time to give up on everything. Again I know this all sounds very pathetic and useless, but I just can’t let go of him. And I don’t want to, I think we’re now at different stages and it would actually work out and no longer LDR if only he would give me a second chance. Sometimes I get the feeling he is avoiding me I don’t know why. But besides begging or seeing him in person, I really don’t know what else to do. It’s not that I haven’t tried to move on, I have dated a number of guys since then but no one has come even remotely close to my ex..

Please Chris, pls give me some advice or at least a reply. I have no one else to confide in, all my friends are against me trying to get back with him so I can no longer talk to them about him anymore. They don’t understand why I’m so hung up about him and only him. I really devastated and I don’t know what else to do and I can’t let go of him… Do you think there is still any chance at all for me?
Victoria Christiansen

June 20, 2015 at 4:25 pm

Hi Can you help me?
I would been married to my husband for 4 years in September been together for 6 yr’s today. Well if he was still here. Anyway’s we had been on the rock’s for a while but he seem to just given up and took the easy way out. May 4th he told me he was not coming home. He is Danish you see so from Denmark. I thought he was just going on holiday. Damn wasn’t i wrong. Anyway’s I still love him and i want us to be a family again we have 2 young children together. Do you have any tips how? My girl’s miss there daddy terribly and so confused why. Oh the icing on the cake he also living with a girl already.
Helen

June 17, 2015 at 2:41 am

What if he’s not only 1500 miles away from me but he is also that far away from his new girlfriend? He’s coming up to see her soon and he’s said he’ll visit me as well and I’m booked on a flight to spend time with him and his family a couple of weeks after that… He’s said he just wants to be friends while he sees how things go with her. Most of the time he’s adamant that he doesn’t want to get back together and that he’s over our relationship, but when we talk about it, he cries and he admits that it still hurts him. He tells me how attracted to me he is, but he is sure that if we got back together it would fall apart again – he can’t disassociate the idea of us together a being riddled with fighting and hurt. If I try to talk to him about how we can both work together to make sure that doesn’t happen again he clams right up. But he has said that there’s something inside him still that still loves me…
LeAnna

May 9, 2015 at 4:59 am

My BF broke up with me the 6th of January 2015. One year we were in a relationship. We met the 25 of December 2014. I was visiting my cousin in Seminole Texas,I live in Mexico. My cousin and I went to a Party. Yeah that’s where we met for the first time. He tried to ask me out but I was to shy. But I asked my Cousin for his Phone Number. So I started texting him the 1st of January. And we where Friends till the 9th of February,that’s when he told me that he loved me. We started texting sweet messages and I Love You messages. We loved each other very,very much. But we couldn’t see each other cause he lived in Seminole and I live in Mexico. We where sending each other pictures but that wasn’t the same as seeing and touching each other. He never told his Dad that he had a GF,then in September his Brother told his Dad. His Dad was shocked that he didn’t tell him before.
I was from a different Religion and his Dad didn’t like that. So he said to him”You have to brake up with her”. When his friends noticed that I was from a different Religion his friends just said break up with her. So there was nothing else left for him then to break up with me. And that’s what he did then.
We didn’t even text anymore. Till the 26th of,October he said Hi and he asked me if I could come and visit him soon. He didn’t have a passport to pass the border. I said I still don’t know,I had to ask my Dad first. And that’s when we started to text again. It was so hard for the two of us not texting. We didn’t text I Love You anymore or any other Kinda sweet messages,but we texted as friends.
But I was so lucky cause I could visit him. We met the 25 of December 2015. We spent two hours in his Truck together,talking,listening music and looking at our pictures in our phones. Then he asked if I wanted to sit in the middle,beside him. So I moved to the middle. We where cruising for awhile,and I was sitting on his Lap and he started to hold my Hand. But it was late and we had to go.,but he asked if I wanted to hangout with him the Next Day. It was the best Christmas I ever had. We spent 4 Days together,we did so many things together…things I knew that both of us would never forget. But I knew I had to go home.
When I got home I had so many Text Messages from him,he was very worried about me…and he told me how much he loved me over and over again. But guess what,his Dad noticed he was with me again. And he said this time I’m serious, you have to break up with me. He told me the 2th of January what his Dad said to him. My BF cried and cried and so did I. It was unbelievable hard for us. So he broke up with me the 6th of January 2015.
He said we still wanna be friends. But we didn’t text 2 Months. Then April 14th was his Birthday,so I wished him a great Birthday and he said thanks. Then I stared to text him again. I asked him if he had a GF and he said yes. I was so sad when he told me that,I cried all night long. I couldn’t believe it. But I said I was Happy for Him.
He said that she lived just as far as I did,and that made him sad. He asked if I had a BF yet and I said no. He asked why not,I answered “I’m still not ready for someone else,and I still have a lot of time for that.” I still don’t know exactly what he tried to say when he responded”I’ve always been the kinda of Idiot that always wants a Girl. I’ve always just wanted one, I guess it’s because I don’t wait a little longer.” I just “Aha.” And he said “I still remember that word from you. Lol :D”. That’s what he said.
Later I asked him if he remembered the song he want’s told me he liked. And he said. “Nop I don’t. But I found another one,it’s called “Love has a way” by Joe Nichols.” It surprised me when he told me that. Anyway later he changed his Profile Picture in Whats App,and I saw he cried,I asked him if everything was okay. He said “it hasn’t been easy and fun lately,but everything is okay”. But I didn’t ask him what the problem was,cause I knew something was wrong.
So now I still haven’t texted him. I don’t know what to say anymore.
Or if he loves me or not cause he has a GF. Is there a possibility that we could get back together. Or what do you think? P

Pls answer as soon as possible…
Atte LeAnna
Lena

May 4, 2015 at 11:04 am

Hi, I’d really welcome some advice. My ex-boyfriend and I got together in 2013. We had a short, but very intense relationship which ended after a few months. He left me very abruptly and without explanation – I was devastated. Throughout 2014 I began to try to reestablish contact with him. At first he ignored me, then gradually he began to reply. Finally, we met up during the summer of that year, and he was obviously physically attracted to me again, and wanted to get back together. However, we live apart, in different countries actually, and so we couldn’t see each other again for a long time. We stayed in touch via Facebook and texting, but I began to feel he was drifting away from me and it was becoming rather one-sided. Then, in November this year, he dropped the bombshell on me – he had met someone else and felt that she was ‘the one’. I was devastated, but we kept in touch as friends, and actually began to develop a good friendship that I really valued. Then, he began to confide in me about his new relationship, telling me that he had begun to have doubts about it all, that it was not really what he hoped it would be, and that she didn’t really love him, and so on. Then he started to say that he still had feelings for me, that ours was an untold story, and that he and I should meet up and see how we felt about each other. I was so excited, but also wary. He told me that he was seeing this other woman that weekend, but that their relationship was really all but over, and then he would be with me. Well…. I heard nothing from him on the Saturday, and on the Sunday morning I politely asked him what was going on. He answered non-commitally, and I got a real sense of dread… well, I knew that they had reconciled, and that he had just been using me as a back-up. I did get angry with him, told him he was being cynical, and also told him to make his mind up, right then. Well, the next day we spoke on the phone, and he told me that he had decided to stay with her, and that he no longer had any feelings for me. He apologised and said he knew he had treated me badly, and would make it up to me if he could.
It gets worse… a little later I found out that he had blocked me on Facebook. I called him several times, and at last managed to get through. I asked why he had done this. His reply ‘We cannot communicate!’ I asked him why, he wouldn’t answer. At last he said that it was only temporary, we could be friends again, but ‘in about a month.’ I think that his new girlfriend must have got suspicious, and to pacify her he agreed to suspend all contact with me. I feel really betrayed.
That was two months ago and there has been no contact. I haven’t tried to get in touch either. I miss him very badly, and I miss the friendship. Although he is the one in the wrong, I feel I handled things badly.
Anyway, my idea is to stay away from him for a whole six months. In the autumn there will be an opportunity for us to see each other, and I’ve decided to leave it totally until then. Do you think this is wise, or is it too long?
Bear in mind that I am not sure I want him back as a boyfriend. I don’t know whether I could trust him again. I am terribly hurt by what has happened. I think I need time to grieve us as a couple. I actually think I tried to be a friend too quickly, before I had got over him.
I really, really want the friendship back, though. I miss being able to talk to him. Do you think that time can heal this? Thank you for reading.

Lena

May 4, 2015 at 11:37 am

Actually, having read this back, I do see that it is probably time to let go of any hopes that he could be my boyfriend again, even though it really hurts my heart like crazy to face that…
But I do want to be able to speak to him again, and I do want to be his friend again. He is quite an unstable person, i think, and I don’t think that he will have a really long-term relationship with anyone. I do think that he and this new woman will break up in time, but even if they do, I need maybe to accept that as a boyfriend he is no good for me. Do you think that a really long time without contact, even though it’s hard, will give me perspective on this that I couldn’t get if we were talking all the time?
I also don’t want our relationship to end the way it did – he has meant so much to me for so long, and I would hate for it all to end for good on a bad note. That’s kind of why I want to wait for so long, so that all the bad feelings have time to clear, and so that, when we do see each other again, all this will seem a long way in the past. Even if he’s with someone else and I can’t change that, I still want to be on good terms with him and feel as though there’s peace between us.

J

May 2, 2015 at 5:29 pm

Hi Chris,
My LDR boyfriend broke up with me to be with his coworker 8 months ago. I did about 6 months NC then initiated contact. Now we are back together but he is still with her. When I asked him if he wants me to move to be with him, he said it’s difficult cos when he tried to break up with her, that girl threatens him with a sexial harassment. He said that the relationship with me is so great, but with her was the opposite. Now my plan is try to get a job in the country he lives anyway, so I can resolve the problem of LDR which might benefit him and see if he will break up with her for me. Do you think I have chance to make him leave her? Or deep down, he just doesn’t want to break up with her?
Aisha

April 27, 2015 at 9:12 am

Hi Chris,
So i was in a long distance relationship with this guy for about 6 months, it was all going really well. we talked most days, and skyped at least once a week. Until about 3 weeks before the break up he started being around less and less, I started to believe i might’ve been to clingy, so i cut back on the texts. Nothing changed. On the day of our break up (about 2 weeks ago) he told me he felt that i needed to know the truth. He said he met a girl the week before, that she was really nice and theyd been chatting. So he said we could be friends. I asked him why he didnt say anything sooner, he replied with “it was hard to say anything because i still have feelings for you”. And he said he told the girl everything about me and him. He told me that the main reason he broke up with me is because the distance made him “give up”. Do i have any chance at reviving our relationship or should i give up?, and if i do have a chance, how should i go about it?
I’d love a reply, thanks Chris 🙂
A9

April 26, 2015 at 2:20 pm

Hi Chris,

I need some help. I have tried purchasing your book from South Africa no less than 3 times now, and I keep getting error codes? Do you have a way around this, like must i choose a different country or what? I did send you an email about this.

The other thing is I need some advice, and I have gone through literally each and every post on your site…and some others, but I’m not sure what I should do because my situation is not entirely like everyone else’s. You see, I am in a Long Distance relationship (I’m in South Africa and he lives in the United States and we have 9 hours time difference between us and 20 hrs travel time between us). The other thing is my boyfriend is not yet my ex boyfriend, but there are warning signs and I can feel him slipping away. I want to save it, before I lose him.

I met my boyfriend online and things just happened fast with him. I was just sort of taking things easy with him in the beginning, because i wasnt sure if it could work out with the distance. But he was always one step ahead of me, and he entered things with me with the intention of making it work. Neither of us wanted a long distance relationship. He Chased me and invested so much of himself, we both did. Things got serious last year Aug 2014. He made me several videos of how he felt about me, how lucky he was to have me, how he waited his whole life for someone like me, how amazing i was, how in love with me he was, how he wanted to spend his life with me and have a family, and that he was entirely committed to this process with me, whatever it takes. In December he flew out and spent a month with me…we had the most amazing time. Things were so good. In that time he insisted on meeting my family, we are on the verge of getting married in court ( i hesitated because i didn’t want him to regret a quick decision, but he even brought his papers with to marry a foreign national in case i said yes). We then spoke about marriage and what we wanted, he took me ring shopping in December to have my finger sized and see what i like, but he was going to get something back home. The plan was to get engaged and then to get married maybe after my brother’s wedding in May, as he didn’t wany to steal their thunder. Then i was going to move over around July or so.

After he went back, he initially started to find work for me and i started to get the ball rolling over here. We are still in contact daily. But Chris, slowly he became more distant. The videos and songs and I love you’s became he less. Soon he complained of pressure and the “thousands needed to secure the relationship with me”. He was meant to come visit in Feb/March but then he said he needed more time as he was swamped with his business. i started feeling neglected and he complained that i needed more validation. Then more warning signs came…he started saying that i flatter him too much, i say I love you too much because he already knows that, he says he feels like I’m jealous of his past (in his head), and how our conversations arent flowing like they used to (i am feeling neglected and he is not putting in enough effort), i went through a bad patch where i lost my job and was feeling down, he then became jealous of a male friend of mine and accused me of double standards. then when i said I missed him and felt lonely, he suggested I find companionship until we can be together, which completely threw me for a loop. I had a fit about it because he knows I’m against sharing and he admitted to being in an open relationship 5 years ago (which he has kept hidden from me) and then said he wasn’t asking me for that. Then he started going on about how he needed to have real relationships and he started to doubt if i knew the real him or an illusion in my head.

We then nearly broke up. I told him that i loved him and believed we had something real and that i wanted to sort out our issues and move forward. I told him that if he wanted out, that would be fine because i wanted a willing participant and not a hostage. He said he needed time to think and replied 5 minutes later that he is sorry things got off and that he would like to work on it. And that he wants to move ahead and sorry if he hurt me.

I then found out that he blocked me on facebook. I brought it up in an understated way, like i notice you are gone and our photos are gone and i know you blocked me when he got mad, but do you mind adding me back. He then said he deactivated his account like he told me he wanted to do. But i know this a lie because i had friends check. He also blocked mutual friends, deleted all our pics and i see he belongs to a singles society…although he hasnt been active there. he brought it up again and reassured me he has no desire to be on facebook blah blah and bottom line is i know he is there. Since then he also set his whatsapp so noone can see when he is online.

Bottom line is Chris, i used to be his ungettable girl. He fought for me and told me every day how he felt and that he can’t wait to be with me permanently. Now i feel taken for granted, i feel like he has either lost hope or interest. He is questioning whether we will work out and i am wondering if he is seeing other people too, hence the secrecy. last week he said he still wanted to come here in May for my brother’s wedding, but he seems to have one foot in the door with me (he is still texting and saying he cant wait to cook dinner for me again) and one foot out the door. He is now saying he doesn’t know if it will be worth it to come out here again if I’m not prepared to do the same…but taking leave right now will cause me to lose my job which I’ve told him, where he has more flexibility. And he is saying he loves me but he is considering seeing other people because he is alone all the time and horny and he just doesn’t know where this is going. He is bringing up a lot of excuses…he says we need to spend more time, maybe we aren’t compatible and we need to find out but at the same time he is reluctant to come see me.

How do I get him to become emotionally invested again? How do i get him to commit again??

Sorry for the long mail but i really need your help and 30 days no contact wont work since we are still together.

Thank you so much
A9

April 23, 2015 at 6:34 pm

Hi Chris,

I left a message for you on here on 10 April, but I think you must have missed it. Please could you give me some advice on my situation?

Thank you

Chris Seiter

April 24, 2015 at 10:40 pm

I did…

Do you mind sending it my way again?

Grace

April 17, 2015 at 12:17 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve read all the comments/mssgs here..
I’ve been from a long distance relationship, we’ve been for 2 yrs .Our relationship wasn’t perfect we had so many fights but we’ve been through of it…i’m here in Dubai and he’s in Germany.. We’ve met at work here for exhibition shows.. I’ve visited him in Germany and meet up his parents/ we travelled in Paris/ Belgium..We had skype every Monday, texting whatsApp.I’ve met his friends in Germany…. His parents treated me so well and very nice to me.. Just last month my exbf ( 27 yrs old) and me ( 28 yr old) had a holidays here in Dubai.. We had fight during his stay here because of my jealousy.. I thought we’re okay and made up.. But when he came back in Germany, 2 months he didn’t contact me then i have lot of messages to him but no reply .. He just texted me after 2 weeks to skype.. then he told me that he doesn’t have feelings anymore and energy for me.. just to forget him and don’t text him anymore.. I’m shocked and really in pain until now.. He totally blocked me out in all networking sites/ my number /whatsapp even if our office number he blocked…Please help me.. what im gonna do… I want him back.;((..How can unlove the person who makes me a better person.. Who showed me the world …

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2015 at 8:34 pm

How jealous were you?

Can you describe the situation for me that made you jealous?

Was this a one time occurrence?

moomal

April 15, 2015 at 2:34 pm

Chris me and my bf had a realtionshp since 8years and few months ago he tld me that he is any other girl also i mean in realtionshp with me and with her also i was so depressed i beggd hm cried alot but aftr few days he said me i was jokng everything went ok but i realized that he cnt leave me and want to kep that grl also he was ignrng me alt then i i found ur site and read al of your pages and then applied nc rule it was his bday on the day whre my nc rule periods was ending so i broke nc on 26 day and he my first mprg was intrestng that he replied mdd fast yesterday and caling mf again and ahgain but i refused to pick next day he praid me do you mis me i said do you he said yeah and again he askd me do you mis me i said nt yet then he said me met me plz last time plz gve me this birthday gift. what should i say achris i really love him since 8 years i was in a ppprealtionshp with him and loved hm truely from the core of my heart plz help mdd chris i want ghim to love me with the samf felngs as i do truely wth heart. You helpd every1 plz help me out

moomal

April 15, 2015 at 3:09 pm

Sorry for the spelling mistakesi was so worried what to say thats y i m sorry chris hope you understand my msg. Chris plz help me i love hm and want him to mary me and propose me and leave that girl help me what to do next now. i broke nc rule on 26 day bcoz it was his bday oduring nc rule on 30 day. should i apply again nc rule? my first msg was so intrtng that he replied me just said good i end i end up the msg i was depressed that y just hf replied 2 msgs bu he cle me 5 time aftr wards i did nt pickd it. Next day he askd me msgd me do you miss me as i tld be4 in the uper msg. chris u helpd every1 i lovf hm want hm bck u r my last hope plz help me chris its a request frm my Side. thankyou

A9

April 10, 2015 at 11:37 am

Hi Chris,

I need some help. I have tried purchasing your book from South Africa no less than 3 times now, and I keep getting error codes? Do you have a way around this, like must i choose a different country or what? I did send you an email about this.

The other thing is I need some advice, and I have gone through literally each and every post on your site…and some others, but I’m not sure what I should do because my situation is not entirely like everyone else’s. You see, I am in a Long Distance relationship (I’m in South Africa and he lives in the United States and we have 9 hours time difference between us and 20 hrs travel time between us). The other thing is my boyfriend is not yet my ex boyfriend, but there are warning signs and I can feel him slipping away. I want to save it, before I lose him.

I met my boyfriend online and things just happened fast with him. I was just sort of taking things easy with him in the beginning, because i wasnt sure if it could work out with the distance. But he was always one step ahead of me, and he entered things with me with the intention of making it work. Neither of us wanted a long distance relationship. He Chased me and invested so much of himself, we both did. Things got serious last year Aug 2014. He made me several videos of how he felt about me, how lucky he was to have me, how he waited his whole life for someone like me, how amazing i was, how in love with me he was, how he wanted to spend his life with me and have a family, and that he was entirely committed to this process with me, whatever it takes. In December he flew out and spent a month with me…we had the most amazing time. Things were so good. In that time he insisted on meeting my family, we are on the verge of getting married in court ( i hesitated because i didn’t want him to regret a quick decision, but he even brought his papers with to marry a foreign national in case i said yes). We then spoke about marriage and what we wanted, he took me ring shopping in December to have my finger sized and see what i like, but he was going to get something back home. The plan was to get engaged and then to get married maybe after my brother’s wedding in May, as he didn’t wany to steal their thunder. Then i was going to move over around July or so.

After he went back, he initially started to find work for me and i started to get the ball rolling over here. We are still in contact daily. But Chris, slowly he became more distant. The videos and songs and I love you’s became he less. Soon he complained of pressure and the “thousands needed to secure the relationship with me”. He was meant to come visit in Feb/March but then he said he needed more time as he was swamped with his business. i started feeling neglected and he complained that i needed more validation. Then more warning signs came…he started saying that i flatter him too much, i say I love you too much because he already knows that, he says he feels like I’m jealous of his past (in his head), and how our conversations arent flowing like they used to (i am feeling neglected and he is not putting in enough effort), i went through a bad patch where i lost my job and was feeling down, he then became jealous of a male friend of mine and accused me of double standards. then when i said I missed him and felt lonely, he suggested I find companionship until we can be together, which completely threw me for a loop. I had a fit about it because he knows I’m against sharing and he admitted to being in an open relationship 5 years ago (which he has kept hidden from me) and then said he wasn’t asking me for that. Then he started going on about how he needed to have real relationships and he started to doubt if i knew the real him or an illusion in my head.

We then nearly broke up. I told him that i loved him and believed we had something real and that i wanted to sort out our issues and move forward. I told him that if he wanted out, that would be fine because i wanted a willing participant and not a hostage. He said he needed time to think and replied 5 minutes later that he is sorry things got off and that he would like to work on it. And that he wants to move ahead and sorry if he hurt me.

I then found out that he blocked me on facebook. I brought it up in an understated way, like i notice you are gone and our photos are gone and i know you blocked me when he got mad, but do you mind adding me back. He then said he deactivated his account like he told me he wanted to do. But i know this a lie because i had friends check. He also blocked mutual friends, deleted all our pics and i see he belongs to a singles society…although he hasnt been active there. he brought it up again and reassured me he has no desire to be on facebook blah blah and bottom line is i know he is there. Since then he also set his whatsapp so noone can see when he is online.

Bottom line is Chris, i used to be his ungettable girl. He fought for me and told me every day how he felt and that he can’t wait to be with me permanently. Now i feel taken for granted, i feel like he has either lost hope or interest. He is questioning whether we will work out and i am wondering if he is seeing other people too, hence the secrecy. last week he said he still wanted to come here in May for my brother’s wedding, but he seems to have one foot in the door with me (he is still texting and saying he cant wait to cook dinner for me again) and one foot out the door.

How do I get him to become emotionally invested again? How do i get him to commit again??

Sorry for the long mail but i really need your help and 30 days no contact wont work since we are still together.

Thank you so much

A9

April 19, 2015 at 7:10 am

Hi Chris, could you please give me advice on my situation above? Thank you

saleha

April 2, 2015 at 8:26 pm

Hey Chris,
I have had a long distance relationship with this guy for 2 months. He broke up with me without giving me any solid reason.
But he would keep texting me in 2-3 days telling that he misses me and loves me too.
I would say I was quite hopeful that he would be coming back to me. But suddenly out of the blue he texted me one day that its over forever. I was devastated and I texted him two days straight begging him to come back. Then I luckily found so many helpful things here and I tried understanding the situation and decided to go for the NC rule..my ex texted me after three days but I did not reply anything to him that day. He was asking me whether I was happy or not. I texted him back the other day that I was not. He talked nicely for the next two days and even took my nickname that he himself had thought of and told that he loves me.
My whole world came crashing down when I saw his profile picture. He had put a picture of him and his ex whom he had dated for almost a year. When I tried asking him to tell me what was going on,he just said that there is nothing to say here. I have read many comments and it seems to me that I was just a backup for him..it really feels horrible.
I have been through depression before because of a failed relationship and I really dont want to go through that again. I really love him a lot. Do u think trying the no contact thing will help in any way here?
Please help!

admin

April 7, 2015 at 8:20 pm

Yes it definitely will.

mumal

March 31, 2015 at 5:00 pm

Hi chris. Chris i need your help. And advice. Aftr no nc rule what should be my first msg should i msg hm first aftr 30 days?

admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:53 pm

I talk about that here,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-no-contact-rule/

Mira

March 27, 2015 at 3:53 am

Hi Chris,

I need your opinion and advice, if you don’t mind to help me in this issue. I’ll give you some important details to enable you to identify and understand my problem.

We were a good friends for almost 5 years before decided to move the next level. We were in a long distance relationship less than 1 year. Distance : Malaysia – Singapore

– Officially couple : 15-03-2010
– Officially broke up : 10-03-2011
– Reasons of break up : He wants to stay friends with me. He came back after 3-6 months of silence. He didn’t answer my calls and reply my messages. He ignored me
– 1st “NC” – 3 months after broke up (I blocked him from contacting me on any social media)
– After 3 months, I texted him to check up on him for a week only. He asked me “Where have you been all this while”
– 2nd “NC” – 2 years after a week texted him
– He texted me after broke up : 13-03-2013 [“Hi, how are you? I hope you are doing fine. Anyways, my reason here is actually to apologize to you. I know its sudden and random but i think its best I do it. I know you are hurt by my doings even after we remain friends. I hope you forgive me. You take care and may you are bless with good health and a better guy. Sorry for intruding your life abruptly]
– I replied him after 3 days and we got in touch until to date but we seldom text each other.
– He dumped her ex girlfriend because she cheated him and reconciled after a month breakup with her in middle of June 2014.
– He is back to single in October 2014
– He called me up after broke up : 25-11-2014 (Duration of call : More than 1 hour)
– We met each other after broke up : 6-03-2015 (He came to Malaysia with his friend for shopping and sight seeing)

He was my best friend. I shared everything with him. He knows me well and I understand him even he is not type of person that express his feelings. If I have problems or feel sad, I would text him. He is always there for me.

After 1 day we meet, we had such a great conversations thru whatsapp the whole day (from morning till evening). He missed me and I missed him too. But I don’t know if he feels the same way as I felt. I thought I can forget him and regard him as a friend but I failed to do so. Honestly, I still have feelings for him.

I hope you could revert to me with your kind opinion and some good advice pertaining to my problem. Thank you for your time.

Mira

November 12, 2015 at 8:08 am

Hi Chris,

Do you still remember me? I’ve followed your advice to have another date with him as what you mentioned on 31-03-15. I went to his country and met him in last September. He admits that he still love me but regard me as his close/good friend. FYI, he will come down to my country in December this year.

What is that mean? What should I do next?
Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:30 am

Yep!

Are you still in contact with him now?
Mira

April 13, 2015 at 12:28 am

Hi Chris. How are you? I just want to let you know that I asked him something last night. I asked him, “did you feel anything during/after we met?”, and guess what, he said “I didn’t feel anything”. He just broke my heart for the second times with his honest answer. I think there is no point to get another date with him, am I right?
admin

March 29, 2015 at 3:00 pm

Seems like you need to get another date with him.
Mira

March 30, 2015 at 3:16 am

Why do I have another date with him? Please advice
admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:12 pm

What do you mean why?

The whole point is to get a date and build attraction.
Mira

April 1, 2015 at 6:30 am

That’s my point. Actually, we are planning to meet up in June. Physically we are miles apart. We didn’t have much time or chance to date/meet each other because of the distance. Do you have any suggestion (any other way) to build attraction besides date (may be through media socials, chatting, texting or callng)

Catherine

March 25, 2015 at 6:13 pm

Hi Chris,

So my story is a little long but I’ll try and keep it short. My ex and I were on and off for a year before we dated officially for six months. He lives about five hours from where we went to school, and he planned to move home once he graduated but try to do the whole long distance thing. Unfortunately, he freaked about the reality of a LDR and broke up with me before he moved home. I implemented NC twice – the first time it was my idea and we talked consistently after, the second time happened about two months after we originally broke up and he told me he needed to not talk to me everyday. That lasted nearly two months (with a couple texts here and there). It ended when I called him out on coming into town and not telling me like he promised me he would and was always begging me to stay friends. (I know… Not exactly very cool on my part and probably not what you’d recommend.) But whatever happened at that point was enough to make him want to text me everyday for the next NINE MONTHS.

So, we’ve been talking regularly for nine months. And it felt right and I know we both were happy. Sometimes it was just friendly stuff, but more often than not he pushed the line with “friendship” and would shower me in compliments, reminisce on good times etc. We saw each other twice in that time frame – both times went well and he always texted me afterwards telling me how amazing it was to see me. It was almost like we were right there, I did my best to let him come to the conclusion that we should get back together, but I wasnt sure what to do to make him feel like it was his own idea.

Well… Fast forward to yesterday. Im planning to go visit another friend up in his area this weekend and he told me he wanted to see me. But when I brought it up to him again yesterday his response was he really did want to see me this weekend. But… He had to be honest with me because he’d met another girl and was kind of talking to her. THIS PAST WEEKEND. Im so heartbroken and crushed, and he’s finally admitting he still has feelings for me and thoughts of getting back together crossed his mind. He says he doesn’t know for sure what he wants right now but “doesn’t want to lose me in his life”. HELP! What do I do?! They just met less than a week ago and anything could happen. but I’m definitely panicking… I wish I could let go of him but I just can’t. Advice is much appreciated!!!!!

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:05 pm

How long has he known the new girl?

Just over the weekend?
Catherine

April 2, 2015 at 3:24 am

Yes. So it’s only been a week and a half now. He claims he was only trying to do the right thing by telling me, and that he isn’t even sure of what’s going on. As of a few days ago, we stopped talking regularly… which I assume is for the best at least for now so that I don’t push him in any direction I’ll regret later.

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