Desperation 101- How To Get Your Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

481 thoughts on “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”

Camila

July 27, 2015 at 12:02 am

Hi Chris, my ex and I broke up almost 8 weeks ago, the thing is that initial breakup was through text message and phone calls because he was out of town. He told me the breakup was because he had feelings for another girl and also because he felt things were bad between us. Three weeks later he contacted me to say he wanted to see me to talk things face to face, so he came to my place and we talked. He then told me that he didn’t have feelings for another girl, but that he said that “to make it easier for me” to forget him. So I asked him about the “real” reason he broke up with me and he told me it was something personal between him and his father, involving the fact that he would probably have to move to another city or something like that. He told me he would later on explain me the real reason but right now he couldn’t. I asked him if he did wanted the break up or not, and he told me yes but also no, he did felt that things were bad between us and with the “issue” with his father he thought it was the best to break up. He told me he wanted to stay in contact with me and probably be friends some time in the future. Besides discussing the break up, the meet up was really nice. We talked like everything was good between us, we joke around and we even kissed and hugged because it was the last time we would do it. He told me he was going to miss me and that was it. Then I came upon your website and decided that I did wanted him back and started the NC. Two weeks after that, I saw him at a party, but we completely ignored each other, we didn’t even say hello to each other. One of my best friends told me the next day that my ex went up to her and with a sad expression he told her that I didn’t said hello to him, and my friend told me that he looked really sad. Two weeks after that, I decided to break the NC period since it had been 4 weeks already. So I did. I sent him a first text message saying “Guess what…” first, he responded immediately but neutrally, I waited a bit to respond to him and I told him about something that happened that reminded me of an inside joke between us, he responded to that positive, but then the last message I sent him he didn’t responded. I waited about 4 days and I contacted him again, reminding him of a good memory between us, he responded neutrally, and the last message I sent him he didn’t respond, he left me in seen. Both of them were very short conversations, but both times he didn’t respond my last text message, one being a goodbye and the other one being just a follow-up text message. Why do you think he would do that? I mean, if we ended up on really good terms and he was the one who suggested being friends and even saying it was my decision to make. Do you think it had to do with the fact that we ignored each other on the party and he was sad about me not saying hello to him? What would you suggest me to do? Should I keep fighting to get him back or is my situation hopeless? I really really want to get him back but with his responses and non-responses I’m thinking it’s for the best if I move on. What do you think?

Camila

August 2, 2015 at 9:12 pm

Hey Chris,
I saw him on Friday again at a party, and this time, he came up to me to say hi. I gave him a hug and acted friendly and upbeat, we talked for a little while, then I left and told him we would talk later. Later on I received a call from my mom, and I went outside to talk. He then approached and asked me if everything was okay, and it wasn’t. He told me he was at least trying to be a friend, and that he would never mind involving in MY drama. So I told him what was going on and he supported me. We talked, and we joke around, we even brought little tiny moments and inside jokes from our past relationship. He stayed with me outside the rest of the party even though I insisted that he could go with his friends. He also hugged me and I asked him why and he said he was just giving me a hug because I felt bad and because he hadn’t done it in a long time. I also heard him talk with one of his friends and his friend told him: “You really need to think about it.” And when I joined them they changed the subject completely. When I left the party he was there with me and he just said goodbye. The next day I texted him and showed him something I’ve found that belonged to him, we talked for a little while, joking around, but then the last text message I sent him he didn’t respond. AGAIN. He just left me in seen. Why does he keep doing that? What do you think my chances are of getting him back? PLEASE HELP. What should I do next? I’m going to see him in school everyday in a couple of days.

Karen

July 22, 2015 at 11:07 pm

Chris,
I don’t know if I messed things up beyond repair. My ex of 2 years broke up with me, he is a divorced dad 40 yrs old. He has been divorced for 1 year and it took a year for it to be final….so basically I was with him the whole time. I had been unhappy the last 5 months and there has been conflict, my unhappiness stems from him not introducing me to his 10 yr old daughter. I have never pressured him for any type of marital commitment but I did want to be in his life which felt impossible since he has his child all summer. A few months ago he talked about taking a break during the summer so it would be less stressful on our relationship when he has his child. We had a fight on 6-22 and he ignored me all week except for one text that says he is sorry he has hurt me and made me bitter….the text said he has deep feelings for me and I am a woman that he continues to love and he adores me……..After the text he ignored me for a week, On 6-29 I called him and asked him the status of our relationship. He told me he was overwhelmed with his job and a possible custody fight(his ex wife violated the divorce decree and has moved the child to a new city….same state different city and this will affect how much he gets to see his daughter) He also said that I have not been very nice the last 5 months. I asked him specifically in this phone conversation for some closure (just tell me you dont want to see me and he said no he cannot say that) He said the next 30 days of his life are a mess. We were supposed to get together on Wed and discuss everything but i jumped the gun and texted him and told him we did not need to talk I understood and wished he well in his life. Then immediatedly the next day I called the next day and left him a voicemail begging for a second chance. I heard nothing. On July the 10th I sent him a text and asked him to mail me my house key and said to take care….no response. I received the house key on 7-15 in the mail with a short note stating he wants what is best for me and he is not sure that is him right now. I immediately left him a voice mail and asked him to please call me…..which he did not. After that i sent him a text thanking him for the return of the key and telling him that I am good….I also said that I am grateful that he loved me and it changed my life….of course no response. I am now in NC and I am actually feeling a little better…my question is ….Is it hopeless should i do NC longer than 30 days if there is a pending custody case?
Hanna

July 4, 2015 at 12:43 am

Hi my ex and I have been broken up for 3 weeks now.We dated for almost 2 years .I’m 23 he is 24 I became too needy and clingy a typical crazy girl. He didn’t even dump me he just ignored me so then I did nc for 2 weeks but I couldn’t keep up with it because we attend the same church.I sent him a text telling him I forgive him for dumping me and I hope we could be friends.He texted back apologizing and saying yes we can as long as feelings and emotions don’t get involved.He then texted me daily and we would chat until late at night.When I was over at my pastors house for bible study he came over(he lives directly opposite) Then he started talking to me.Later when we Chatted he said he wants to have sex with me but when I asked him if he wants to be fwb he said he doesn’t want to complicate things.I want him back but not as fwb as my boyfriend I was even willing to do the fwb thing!what’s wrong with me?Should I give up?
lorna couper

June 26, 2015 at 8:44 pm

There was a guy i was chatting to a while back. We fell for each other but i messed it up by not meeting him when he suggested. Stupid i know but im new to dating and we live in different towns. Things ended amicably though wistfully and i did nc for a month apart from liking a few fb photos. After 4 weeks he unfriended me. I asked if i had offended him and he said that it seemed pointless staying friends when we dont even talk anymore. Ive noticed though hes still friends with another girl that he isnt involved with so im guessing i pissed him off. What do you think? Is there any point in contacting him again? Its been a month since last contact. Thank you!!
Megha

June 22, 2015 at 8:38 am

Hii !

My boyfriend broke up with me 10 days ago. I left him alone for a week but then I attempted all the desperate things you mentioned, ALL of them. Yesterday, I even showed up ! Obviously it didnt work. The last thing i remember was he pushed me away, and i was again there trying to hold his hands but he drove away.
We had a relation of 6 years. We always figured out our issues. Infact, we never had any big issues. I don’t know why he’s not willing to work it out this time.
I want to ask, Are there still any chances of getting him back if i follow the steps described by you. Or have i made it so worse by my desperation that i will never get him back?

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:14 pm

Yes, there is still a chance definitely.
Megha

June 22, 2015 at 8:40 am

Also, the reason he gave me for breakup was, I have anger issues, i create drama and he cant take it anymore. Although he found it cute when he started dating me.

Talexis

June 20, 2015 at 3:50 am

No one has helped me yet Im starting to think all of this is a bunch of bull Making yourself disappear will make him more attracted to me won’t he forget because I have, your just making love seem like a game but love isn’t a game I don’t get any of this and to be honest it doesn’t make much since at all their so many other people giving all kinds of relationship advice because their a lot of people in the world and everyone’s different but from reading your advice for a while nothing seems to progress. This probably is just a game.

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2015 at 6:30 pm

Whats going on?

I am sorry I am late getting back to you but I am extremely busy.

Can you inform me whats going on so I could maybe point you in the right direction?

Talexis

June 19, 2015 at 9:06 pm

HI Chris I’m getting very tired and agrivated Ihave followed you on nc and managed to do it successfully. A Few days after nc ended he called me and we talked about school and things were going in life he sounded sad and very sleepy I asked him was he tired and he said that he was wide awake. He really got to me though everytime he would come to my home and talk to my little sister and play games. He would talk to me too and encourage me to play. O yeah we where together for two years. Any way when I would call him when we were together he would always want to speak with her and talk about all the new games out I wouldn’t relate because I’m not really into games. So it became a little routine giving the phone to my little sis but when he finally called me after nc he didn’t want to speak with her I asked him did he want to speak to her about games and stuff and he said no. I didn’t understand to be honest I thought he just called me so he could talk to her about Wii’ And stuff. At the end of the call he said he’ll text me he guesses. I’m not doing all those things of desperation above in fact I’m having a hard time trying not to text him now but I’m trying to be as invisible as possible. I let two days pass and decided to text but I had a reason. Last night I spent the whole night watching an anime called SAO Sword Art Online it was great I loved it and I remembered how much he loved anime so i asked him has he ever seen it. He replied pretty quickly saying that he did and he then asked why. I told him that I just got threw seeing it and I asked him did he know any other anime’s I could watch that were similar to SAO i got no answer I still haven’t gotten one. But I’m starting to think about what the anime was mainly about it was about a beautiful couple who tried to get through a virtual world game they were trapped in. It was very beautiful. But thats not what I wanted him to see in my text I was just telling him how awesome it was and how cool it would be to live in a virtual world. I’m not going to text him for a while not until I really really know what to say but I’m having a hard time its like everything I text just reminds us of us and I know that its not supposed to . What should I say?
kim

June 8, 2015 at 9:58 pm

Hey Chris,
This is my story. My ex(32) and I(35) were together for over a year. We broke up right before thanksgiving 2014. I was living in another city when we met. 2 hours south from where he lived. I moved to his town and eventually in with him. I did not know anyone around except for his friends and his family. I am from another state ontop of it. He ‘s on the road for work. We loved each other allot. We got along well and have a connection with each other. We pushed each other to experience new things. I didn’t know why we broke up at the time. He recently told me it was because of the drama. We had drama from other people. Friends and family. I do not feel like I was accepted by everyone he knows. People did not want us together. My ex is an alcoholic. He likes to drink allot of beer. Sometimes he goes into liquor. Liquor does not mix well with him. He has a temper, anger, jealousy, maybe a little insecure. He has cheated on his past girlfriends and all of his past girlfriends have cheated on him except for me.

A little insight about me: I am very giving, caring, loving. I would do anything for anyone. I do have flaws of my own. I take things to heart. I am told I care to much sometimes or try to much but people don’t realize I may come off trying to much but that is just me caring. Now back to him. When we met he was still living at his parents. His home was under construction at the time and had been for a few years. I am told that he would have never had finished his home if I didn’t come into the picture or it would be allot longer. I gave him that push to finish it. His parents always did everything for him. Laundry, groceries, bills. He is the olderest but was always treated like the baby. I came along and got him to be more independent. He started to do things on his own. I still did things for him like laundry, groceries. I lived there 7 days a week and he lived there 3 days and went back on the road. I sorta feel that people were threatened by me. People here are very territorial. His mom and I would clash sometimes. She is a great person, caring, would do anything for anyone but she holds things over peoples heads. I have a mother that does it.

I said he likes to drink. Where we are located the whole state like to drink. In the winter people are laid off and they drink. My ex was drinking allot more when it came to summer time. He and his best friend would drink all the after the get off from work. His best friend started calling me names, no respect for me. I believe its because I told my ex he needs to cut down on the drinking because it is affecting our relationship. I feel that I came in between my ex and his friend and the drinking. The drinking changed for awhile but the nastiness from his friend did not. I tried to make amends with his friend and his mom. His friend refused. His mom and I are fine.

After we broke up my ex jumped into a “relationship” with a 21 year old girl. I found out because the girl and I have mutual friends. My ex did not know this. He was not aware that this girl has a boyfriend. My ex found out through me. I thought he knew because all of the signs were there. She likes to party. He was always by himself, never met her friends. She always came to him. She referred to him to friends and her boyfriend that he is just as friend. Her boyfriend contacted me about her and my ex. I stated I was not getting involved. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. I’m not exactly sure what else went on but my ex ended it with her a few days after he found out.

Getting back to after the break up. Dec 7 til Jan 7 I did not have contact with my ex. I blocked him from calling me and texting me. Up until DEC 7 he would call me drunk and text me and say nasty things. I received an email on Jan 6 to answer my phone from him. Jan 7 I unblocked him. I was in the process of leaving town for a little while. He would call all the time and text me all the time up in to 2 days after easter. He told me in Jan and Feb he missed me, cares for me, has feelings. He was laid off for work and drinking allot. I thought he was hitting rock bottom. He would accuse me of cheating on him and said hevdidn’t trust me. I didn’t understand any of this. Where did he get it from. I found out a friend we both had that was his friend’s gf at the time told my ex and his friend I slept around. I cheated on him. I slept with friends of his. None of it is true. I don’t cheat. Its sucks to have it done to you. This accusation continued for weeks. My ex told me several rimes there is a possibility for us. At the end of Feb I came back into town. We saw each other for a night for the first time since 2 days before Thanksgiving. We did sleep with each other. After that night I disappeared for a few days. He asked to give a little space. So I did and didn’t talk to him for a week. During this time he would leave me messages. Not very nice because he was drunk and still thinks I am sleeping around. First week of march I left town for a on an off for a month. I contacted him after I got on the road. We continued to talk. Same things. He misses me, cares, has feelings. He had asked me to wait for him several rimes. Said he needs to figure out his life. He doesn’t want me with anyone else. We both feel that we are still each others. At the end of march I cut my trip a little short because I was worried about him. He seemed like he wasn’t doing well.he would flipped out on me over the phone. Accuse me of sleeping around. Tells me he wants something with me then says he doesn’t. He uses the excuse he was drunk. He hides behind he was drunk. He says he didn’t say that he wanted us. I sent him the texts he sent me. This continues. I got back to town right before easter. We saw each other and I spent the night with him. We have spents nights together that didn’t involve being intimate with each other. 2 days after easter he flipped out on me again. Didn’t talk to me. Avoided me. He wants space. This went on until second week of may. May came and he became nastier with me. I suggested let’s be friends. Let go of everything and move forwarded with each other as friends at the moment. He refused. Said hurtful and nasty things. End of may came and he is now talking to me. He wants to be in each others lives. That lasted for about a week. He flipped again. Doesn’t want anything to do with me. Leave him alone. Stuff like that. That was recent. This past Friday we saw each other. I spent over by him. He bought me lingerie. When we we were together he always bought that for me. Sat cane and we talked a little. He disappeared on me for a day in a half. He would not respond to me. He is sleeping with other women that are all younger then he is. He was being honest with me up until April came. He lies to me about things and I do call him out on his lies.

Our biggest issues with each other are and I know these can be changed.

Our communication sucks. When it comes to talking about our problems, he runs away, avoids. Won’t talk. We both bottle things up then they explode.

Trust: he doesn’t trust me. Won’t give me a reason why. I did trust him. Right now I do not because he is lying to me about allot

Compromise. We did a little but we can do more.
My issue I get frustrated at him when he doesn’t talk to me and avoids me then I look crazy to him even now because I blow his phone up with texts.
His favorite word is to use crazy.

I want him back as my boyfriend. I want us. Yes I miss us and him. Its not about me being lonely. The truth is I love him with all my heart. I believe we are good for each other. We have a great relationship when the fighting is down to a minimum. We talked about a future and kids and marriage and I still want that with him.

I need help. I don’t want to come off as crazy to him or desperate. I want him to respect me and to want us. Show His feelings. His guard us up. We hurt each other. Right now no one knows we are talking. He cares what people think. He is hiding me at the moment. We are texting each other a little. Hekerps asking for me to send him pictures but I won’t.

How do I handle it all?
Nicoline

May 27, 2015 at 2:07 pm

Hi Chris,
(I’m from Denmark, I hope that you will/can understand what i’m texting)
My ex and I have been broken up for about 13 weeks now. He broke up with me because i became way to needy. He totally ignored me every time we met. One day after a really drunk night I ended up in his bed.. And I woke up hearing the door slam. I got my stuff and went home, I forgot some stuff and we texted about when I could come get it, and in a way it seemed that he wanted my to come get it in a weekend, one day I texted him, just to leave it under the doormat and he texted “okay, if that is what you want” and I asked him to text me when he had done it, and I didn’t hear from him, I texted him next day Saturday, and he texted my he was home at night and that i just could swing by, when i came he had cleaned the whole place and there was candles all over the place, like the first time I was at his place. But, last week he texted me, and we ended up texting for 2-3 hours, and he wanted me to come to his place, we were talking for 3 hours and had a lot of fun, he started to bring up “old times” like movies and games that we played. We ended up having sex, and his friends kept calling him at night, by he didn’t wanted to go DT with them, he said he would be with me. Next morning I woke up early, and i got my stuff and left, (he was still a sleep), I didn’t thought that he would contact me, but at 12 noon he did saying “you were up early this morning!”, we texted from 12 noon and to midnight. The day after he didn’t text me, and at 9 (night) I texted him and he kept saying that he could use some massage and that I could had borrowed some of his close instead of leaving in my dress that morning and that I would have to comeback if i had taken some of his clothes. We stopped texting at midnight and yesterday and today I haven’t heard from him. Have i acted too needy or? all the texts was looong and with a lot of smileys and yeah… I miss him, and… Hope you have a good advice or two

N
Gen

May 22, 2015 at 3:13 am

Hi Chris, me and my ex broke up for nearly 2 months. We still keep in contact ever since. In the first month post break up, we would still have positive communications on and off. However I told him that all these times confuses me and I would want a second chance. Since then he started to distance himself more, giving colder replies. I got more desperate and tried to ask him to meet up, which he did not reply to. I contacted him a few days later and we talked rather positively, but after a few texts he would become cold and did not reply.
I’m not sure what this situation is about. What should I be doing now? What is he feeling that is causing the sudden change?

Gen

June 8, 2015 at 3:08 pm

Hi Chris,

I followed your advice and tried to establish rapport. There were times of positive replies (him talking about what he is doing which I did not even ask about), and there were times of neutral/no replies (I sent him texts about remembering the good times).

What does this situation mean? Am I making progress?
Chris Seiter

June 1, 2015 at 9:56 pm

Too early to tell. Keep trying to establish some rapport and see if he responds positively going forward.

Bella

May 19, 2015 at 9:57 am

my ex and now have been apart for more than a year now, we broke up when he moved to work in another country, not so far from home but we couldn’t see each other often because my parents were strict. After 6 months he met someone else and moved on. I was so heart broken and I finally stopped contacting him, we did communicate for more than a year. He would come home every month end but we never kept in touch
a few weeks ago a friend of his told me he had lost his father, I phoned him to offer my condolences and asked if it would be ok to attend the funeral, he appreciated the call and said it was very sweet of me. we met at the funeral and he was with his current girlfriend, another one not the one he left me for. there are lots of awkward moments there but I survived. I don’t know if he felt it too or it was just me because he has some power over me right now.
End of the month, he is coming back home for the weekend and he said he will let me know when he comes which is a first.
I am looking forward to seeing him for obvious reasons, I still love him but I’m scared that we might not be on the same page. I don’t even know what to say to him when we meet.
please advise.
Sue

May 16, 2015 at 7:52 pm

My boyfriend of two and a half years just broke up with me. We were in a long distance relationships, but everything was perfect leading up to the breakup. We were both feeling love for each other still, or so I thought. He ended up breaking up with me after a big fight that we had. I was so confused and hurt. He said that he just couldn’t do it anymore, and that he felt like there was a huge weight against him. To me, this just seemed like it came out of nowhere. He said he felt it for a while and that he didn’t tell me because he thought it was just a trough he could get out of, but eventually could not.
Afterwards, we talked because I was having a hard time getting over him. We decided to be friends, nothing more for the time being. He wanted us to heal, fix things, and see where we stand afterwards. I came home and contacted him, and I asked whether we should talk about us or not. He didn’t seem to want to meet up to talk about this. I am taking it as a bad sign. I am still so surprised because he sounds completely okay with everything that happened. He said he wanted to marry me and be with me forever. I believed him, but I still get really confused as to how a person can change so quickly. After two and a half years, it seems like he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. I haven’t talked to him yet about us, but I just want to know: Is there any hope of us getting back together?

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 6:19 pm

Sure there is hope.

Kate

April 22, 2015 at 9:44 pm

Hi Chris,

I NEED YOUR HELP!

I was dating a guy for three months and things were going great. We were really into each other and had a lot of fun together until he started acting hot and cold. He didn’t communicate anything being wrong, but he wouldn’t initiate as much. When he would see me things were fun and fine. I finally asked him to talk to figure out what was going on, cause I was so confused, which led me to accidentally somewhat giving him an ultimatum, saying I couldn’t keep sleeping with him if I didn’t know what was going on (This was in January). This led to him saying he didn’t want a relationship right but when I asked if it was over, multiple times, he said he needed to think. For a month I waited while not doing NC fairly well. I wasn’t sure what was going on, if it was a break up or not. I was working on myself and doing ok, but I would see him every now and then out, (we have a lot of mutual friends), but he would not approach me or engage in conversation much. I stopped a few times by his work and he was friendly, even asked me once about my plans for the night. Eventually I asked to meet up and hang out, to which he agreed cause he said he didnt want to lose me as a friend. He came with his roommate, which threw me off and when I tried to bring up if he had thought at all about things he immediately dismissed it saying he still thought the same. The night ended with me getting drunk and emotional and drunk texting how he didn’t care about me and I did, followed the next day by another text saying i was sorry about how the evening turned out but I could not be friends cause I didnt think he could be a good friend cause I felt disrespected and invalidated. I was not even allowed to express my confusion. He apologized, if he had made things confusing. He said things moved too fast that made him feel pressure and realize he did not want a relationship right now. he also said he’d rather have a friend than someone that couldn’t be his friend without being in a relationship with him. he wished me the best and apologized for hurting me. That was mid febuary. Since then I’ve gone NC. Every once a month I might bump into him cause its a small town, but I only say hey and don’t engage more. We are both friendly to each other but from afar. I did run into him the night before his birthday and wished him a happy birthday and he was friendly and gave me a side hug. I am the one that cut the contact between us so while I know I should let him come to me, I don’t think he will more than that. The worst is that since then Ive gotten very depressed about this. Im not my confident self and I keep going back and forth between wanting to get him back, letting him go, or trying to be friends. What can I possibly do at this point? Is there a chance I could ever make him interested again? I feel like I acted so desperate towards the end. Can I even salvage a friendship? I feel really bad of how I ended things, made a fool of myself and pushed him further away. I dont want to be remembered on bad terms.. help help :/

Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:44 pm

I think you can salvage things.

yes the desperation may have hurt but its not damaging to the point where you have ruined things forever.

Kate

April 21, 2015 at 9:34 pm

Hi Chris,

I was dating a guy for three months and things were going great. We were really into each other and had a lot of fun together until he started acting hot and cold. He didn’t communicate anything being wrong, but he wouldn’t initiate as much. When he would see me things were fun and fine. I finally asked him to talk to figure out what was going on, cause I was so confused, which led me to accidentally somewhat giving him an ultimatum, saying I couldn’t keep sleeping with him if I didn’t know what was going on. This led to him saying he didn’t want a relationship right but when I asked if it was over, multiple times, he said he needed to think. For a month I waited while not doing NC fairly well. I wasn’t sure what was going on, if it was a break up or not. I was working on myself and doing ok, but I would see him every now and then out, (we have a lot of mutual friends), but he would not approach me or engage in conversation much. I stopped a few times by his work and he was friendly, even asked me once about my plans for the night. Eventually I asked to meet up and hang out, to which he agreed cause he said he didnt want to lose me as a friend. He came with his roommate, which threw me off and when I tried to bring up if he had thought at all about things he immediately dismissed it saying he still thought the same. The night ended with me getting drunk and emotional and drunk texting how he didn’t care about me and I did, followed the next day by another text saying I could not be friends cause I felt disrespected and invalidated. I was not even allowed to express my confusion. He apologized, if he had made things confusing. He said things moved too fast that made him feel pressure and not want a relationship. he also said he’d rather have a friend than someone that couldn’t be his friend without being in a relationship with him. he wished me the best and apologized for hurting me. Since then I’ve gone NC. Every once a month I might bump into him cause its a small town, but I only say hey and don’t engage more. We are both friendly to each other but from afar. I am the one that cut the contact between us so while I know I should let him come to me, I don’t think he will. What can I possibly do at this point? Is there a chance I could ever make him interested again? Can I even salvage a friendship? I feel really bad of how I ended things, made a fool of myself and pushed him further away.

Kate

May 12, 2015 at 6:59 pm

I want him back
Chris Seiter

April 23, 2015 at 12:13 am

Do you just want to be friends or do you want more?
Kate

April 21, 2015 at 9:36 pm

Timeframe: They initial ‘break up’ happened in January, and we hung out mid February for the last time.

Vanessa

April 10, 2015 at 4:53 pm

MY ex boyfriend and I broke up back in January. I’ve been an emotional wreck ever since but I’ve gotten stronger. He doesnt want to be with me or in a relationship at all because he wants to be able to follow his dream. Besides his dream, the brake up happened because I was being a crazy girlfriend. I was restraining him from things that he liked to do and was used to doing. I understand that I was a lot to handle but why can’t we try again. Ever since the break up, I’ve been going to counseling ever since. Counseling helped me see what I was doing wrong and will help me with him or my next relationship. We spoke yesterday and he still is attracted to me and still has some feelings for me but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Why can’t he just give love another chance. I’ve been changing my ways. All I want is to be with him again. to give it another shot but i don’t know how to make him change his mind without forcing it
M.

March 10, 2015 at 7:43 pm

There’s really something I don’t understand here and probably this is why I fail.. I have noticed that when I talk with a guy at First he IS engaged to the conversation, answers immediately etc. and after a while a while they all lose suddenly interest! I couldn’t understand what’s wrong so I searchedmy answers and saw that my way of talking hasn’t changed nor my frequency in answers.That thing realy really bugs me because see that telling the same things has different effect from time to time.I just don’t get it. What I’m doing wrong??

admin

March 13, 2015 at 6:47 pm

Maybe you aren’t playing hard to get enough.

Maria

March 5, 2015 at 6:06 am

Hi Chris,

I was talking to this guy for only a few months (3) but things were going incredibly well and he was initiating and seemed to be just as happy with things as I was. We met in college and he is still in undergrad (a year and a half younger than me) and I am now in grad school. He seemingly lost interest over night and I never understood. After unsuccessfully asking for an explanation I did NC for 5 months, then texted him on his birthday, to which he cordially replied. I then waited a month after his birthday and tried to start a casual conversation and he hasn’t answered. I hate that I am still thinking about him, and I am driving myself nuts trying to figure out what happened???! Any advice would be amazing, thanks!!

admin

March 7, 2015 at 5:35 pm

Well, you were in NC for too long and you shouldn’t have broken NC to use a first contact on his birthday.

Umm…

What have you been talking to him about.

Alisha

March 1, 2015 at 8:28 pm

it seem hopeless now.. he get irritated by every text and cll of mine..
i’m afraid that someone else will take my place.. 🙁
can NC work if its my fault for breakup ?
because i am showing so much desperation since last month… like 100 of calls in a day, long msg.. nd he ignores me like hell 🙁

admin

March 2, 2015 at 9:22 pm

Sure it can!

NC can work in that case.

Alisha

February 26, 2015 at 7:45 pm

hello..i and my ex of two years were in a long distance
relationship..we were damn serious for each other..we
have face lots of up downs..but always got back
together..
5 months ago we brokup cause he had no time for me
and he used to lie about everythng..
after 2 months i approched him and asked for
patchup..he refused but i knew he was stil in love with
me..
then after a month he came to meet me but as i was
angry i was ignoring him and used to spend more time
with my friends instead of being with him..
bt after four days i realised my mistake nd met him..he
said he was angy but loves me alot..
after spending beautiful four days together, he went to
his state again..
but after reaching there he has changed.. he wants me
to b in his life but dont wante as a gf..nd treating me
like shit..he says he will talk to me whenever he
want..whenever i ask for patchup, he always being so
rude..
i make 100 of calls in one day but he nevr picks up..nd
never replys to my texts..he wants me to move on..but i
feel he says that because of frustration..
i cry all day and night..dont even eat properly.
how can i get back with him
will nc rule work?
i am very depresed ..please help..

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:27 pm

You are on the wrong article.

Read the long distance one!

Yes, NC can work.

Candace

December 13, 2014 at 6:11 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 weeks now. He broke up with me because his work and school like were overwhelming, and at the time I wasn’t helping alleviate the stress. At first I wasn’t handling the no contact too well, and contacted him twice on two separate occasions (never asking or begging to get back together). But after then, I hadn’t spoken to him for 3 and a half weeks before contacting him again, and the response was fairly positive. We joked and caught up;I told him I agreed with the breakup. The conversation lasted for two days before I ended it. I know he still cares for me, he checks up on me and still wears all the sentimental things I bought him. However, I’m not sure where to go from here. I don’t know what he’s thinking or whether he wants me back, and I’m starting to feel a little self conscious about texting him first 3 times. Should I just wait for him to text me, or text him fist again? And when we do talk, how do I get into talking about what happened between us, because we’ve never discussed that?

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