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Red
June 25, 2016 at 3:14 pm
Hi team, I have been reading your articles recently and I found it pretty awesome. I am in a dilemma. I have been in a long distance relationship with my boy friend for a year and a half. When we met I met him in his town as I was away for work, it was initially supposed to be a holiday romance but we both fell madly on once with each other. He fell madly in love with me first and then in time I reciprocated it. It seems however in the beginning when I was not as much in love he was the one making all the effort. However after six months I had to move back to my home time for work, and since then we have been seeing each other once a week. Now here is the problem: when I moved away, the relationship became difficult, we went from seeing each other everyday to seeing each other once a week or two. Telephone communication was difficult as he doesn’t like speaking on the phone and is not much of a texted. When we lived close we never argued but over the phone we just seem to argue more. After a small arguement he broke it off with me. I was devastated. I begged and pleaded and turbed up at his doorstep (having read your articles I know realise how wrong that was) anyhow eventually I decided to stop trying and soon after he came knocking on my door to try again. So we restarted our relationship, and we’re making plans to get married to eradicate the distance, however literally a month later we had another row over the phone, a lot of it me shouting at him (with good reason) but he then decided he wanted to end the relationship. After that chat I text him for two days but he was adamant he did not want a relationship and did not see a future with me anymore. So I did no contact on him for a week and text him again he still did not see a futur with me. So I restarted the no contact and it has been 12 days now. I am deeply worried that this time he may not come back as its twice now that we have broken up in a space of few months. I know he genuinely loved me like crazy and the distance and the arguments on the phone have really changed the dynamics of our relationship. I know when we are together we work fine. But I have two problems now: he has completely shut me out and has not responded to any of my messages that I last him before I started the nc. Also he really does not like talking and completely shuts off all contact when he is angry. Also you say in a lot of your articles that I would need to show him the new me… How do I do that when he does not reciprocate contact, neither of us uses any form of social media and neither of us has any kind of mutual friends…. How do I reach out for him (without texting or calling him as he does not reciprocate) please advise …. As I do genuinely love him with all my heart….
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 28, 2016 at 11:14 am
HI Red,
you still have to improve yourself.. because in time he will cool off.
Hope
May 9, 2016 at 11:28 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago after a 4 year relationship. In 4 months I’ve tried everything to get him back. He says he loves me but he doesn’t want a relationship any more. It seems like there isn’t much to do as I’ve tried literally everything but I want to keep trying. We’ve decided not to talk so I can’t contact him. What else I can do without talking? Or what can I do to make him talk to me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 4:33 am
Hi Hope,
be active in improving yourself and having your own life.. he won’t talk unless he sees you have moved on.. by then he would be open to being friends… right now, you have to be realistic that he has moved on and everything is going to be restart.
Jennifer
April 7, 2016 at 9:05 am
My ex dumped me at the beginning of January saying that he needed more space and that he felt like he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
Afterwards, I did a strict no-contact period for about 45 days. After that was up, I tried to get in touch with him through texting. I used a lot of example messages from this site, and tried to remind him of “the good times”. However, I continuously received very neutral responses such as “haha yeah” and “thanks, you too”. He didn’t ask me any questions about how things were going for me so I decided to lay off for awhile.
One month without reaching out to him later, school resumes, and I find out that we have a 1 hour shift together every week (we both work at the same on-campus job). I try to stay casual and to hide the fact that I still have strong feelings towards him. I’ll try to start small conversations but he always seems to give super neutral responses and not say much. I haven’t really flirted because I don’t want to be too obvious when he’s not even interested in talking. We’re graduating soon and I’m scared that I won’t get to see him ever again afterwards. Do you have any advice? I know you advocate being the “un-gettable girl”, but Is it really so bad if I just come clean and tell him my feelings? I wouldn’t beg, but I’d just let him know that I still have feelings for him. I just feel like I’ve followed the advice from this site but it hasn’t gotten me that far and that if I keep waiting I’ll never have the chance to see him again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 3:03 am
Hi Jennifer,
it looks he really doesn’t want to go back.. but it’s okay if you want tolet him know.. our methods is not 100% guaranteed…but do it in way that you don’t lose your dignity.. and also afyer you confess do more for yourself.. Love yourself so that the right man or the man who wants to be in your life will see that he has to level up with you because you know your value
Anonymous
April 3, 2016 at 1:53 pm
this guy and were in a LDR for 3 months. I had known him for 1 year previously. He dumped me out of the blue as he said there was no future. but insisted we remain friends. He’s in a very busy job so it ended up being me initiating conversations. He used to send me mixed signals. Eventually I told him I still liked him and I wanted to give it a try. He said he doesn’t feel anything for me and told me to move on but said we should still stay friends. He hasn’t stayed friends with any of his exes. I told him I’ll try to move on. He still contacted me here and there once every 2-3 weeks and this year he wished me casually on valentine’s day and on my birthday. He wished me on all my important presentation dates and checked up on me when I was sick. He also asked me for a favour once. But I was the one initiating most of the conversations. Recently he told me he was busy because he started a new project at work. I kept trying to reach out and he would barely respond so I called him out on it. He got annoyed and said he was just busy and I need to understand. I apologized and he has not replied since except to say “we’re fine” when I asked him if we were. He’s moving back home this July and I really want to give it a shot. Should I be worried? What should I do?
Anonymous
April 18, 2016 at 4:47 pm
we weren’t talking about anything in particular. I have a feeling it could be because he just got busy with his day and forgot to get back/I’m not a priority to reply right now. So i’ll just do NC and let you know what happens!
Anonymous
April 18, 2016 at 9:14 am
Hey Amor, yes he replied with follow up questions and we carried a conversation for a while before he abruptly stopped replying. I’ll start no contact immediately, was afraid to try it because i felt he wouldnt reach out during no contact. But i have a question, why does he reach out and then abruptly stop?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 2:46 pm
it’s hard to tell because it differ from every situation.. try to think what you talked about before he suddenly stopped talking or what was happening in his life
Anonymous
April 16, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Hello! I did text him yesterday. He responded neutrally asking me how i was. He told me he’s very busy at work and he’s been very focused. After I replied, he replied me only today telling me what he did yesterday and asked me what i was up to. I sent a text back but he hasn’t gotten back to me and I’m not sure if he will. How long should I wait before i initiate anything again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 6:19 am
Hi Anonymous,
if you hadn’t done nc, you should do it first, it looks like you’ve been texting long but it’s not progressing.. Try to focus on yourself first and improve and then after nc, compile interesting topics for him to text about, to build rapport so, you can move to calls.. Calls should build rapport and attraction too for it to progress to meet
ups.
Anonymous
April 14, 2016 at 2:58 pm
I know for a fact he isnt really seeing anyone. Also he was the one who said we would say hi whenever we’re free, as we’ve been doing. So I was just wondering if I should say sth soon. I dont want him thinking im playing mind games or anything.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 16, 2016 at 11:37 am
well if he’s not texting something you should reply to, he won’t think that… it’s been more than 10 days by now right? you can try to text him if you want to
Anonymous
April 14, 2016 at 2:55 pm
Hi Amor! I havent spoken to him in over 10 days. The last we spoke he had updated me on a project he worked on. He hasn’t contacted me himself, but he’s barely been online on any social media. Should I initiate contact soon?
Anonymous
April 4, 2016 at 4:13 pm
will do that 🙂 thank you! should I do no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 5, 2016 at 5:56 am
try just a week of rest
Anonymous
April 4, 2016 at 12:38 pm
think i did annoy him unfortunately. do you think if I dont initiate conversations as much or at all, he might try to keep in contact more?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Yeah,I think so but it’s more important that you din’t ask him why he’s not replying
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 4, 2016 at 9:34 am
Hi,
You came on as a chaser.. though he messages you here and there if he really is busy, then whenever he doesn’t reply just let him be because either you will annoy him or he will start to look as desperate..
Emily
March 26, 2016 at 9:44 pm
Hey! He was so into me and he wanted to have a relationship with me for 4 months he was so desperate about wanting me in his life and i was not ready for a relationship so i was keep saying no to him. after a while i decided that i should give him a chance and we live the best relationship for 1.5 years. First 8 months were like heaven and then we started to have problems, he was getting more and more distant i was being more and more sad during this period. finally about 2 months ago he first come to me and say he wants to break up and this famous “love you but not in love with you” sentence. 4 days later i go to talk to him and literally beg him for comming back and he actually said ok lets try again. for 1 monts we havent seen each other because of winter break of school, but we were talking on phone regularly things were getting better and better and finally 2 weeks ago he said he wants to break up with me again. this time i didnt beg or insist. nowadays we are super weird. we work in the same place, a cafe. he started to talk with me again, 2 days ago we sleep in the same bed but i afraid, what if we end up being friends with benefits or just being friends. We are spending good time together on this last week and talking, laughing together even went to theater once. I dont know what to do now, is there any change for me to get him back while not making no contact, do i have a chance have him back while hanging out with him like this. i am really confused. One of my friend suggest me to stay friend with him and act like i dont want him as boy friend but i want him as friend. Do you thing that would be useful? or am i gonna end up friend zoned?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 3, 2016 at 2:42 am
HI Emily,
did you have sex? I think you should do no contact. It’s going to be limited because you work together. That means no small talk, no talk about feelings and relationships and only talk when necessary and keep you distance as much as possible while improving yourself. If he initiates just respond politely direct.
SoConfused
March 25, 2016 at 9:06 pm
Hey Chris!
I guess your quote
“In order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.” Goes hand-in-hand with the “move on, without moving on”?
So I guess my first question would be, how do you move on without moving on? I see you say that quite a bit in this website.
And my second question is..I have actually felt for a while, that if I actually let go he will come back. It’s like this feeling in my gut..but the thing is, I’m scared. I’m scared that if indeed I go ahead and let go, am I not doing the exact opposite of what I promised him in the relationship? ” either him or no one”?
I’ve finished NCR and I’m at a point where he just gives neutral responses to my messages and it’s mostly monosyllable words. And I always initiate. (Before we could never even last a day without talking to each other)
Please advise!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 2, 2016 at 1:52 pm
Hi,
Sorry for the late reply. I read all your previous comments too. It looks like it’s because he knows you want him back and now you’re the one chasing him.. It would really take time after that because until he sees you’ve actually moved on, the he doesn’t think you’re trying to get him back, then that can increase the chances of him getting attracted to you again. Especially if you have already learned to love yourself and have your own life..
Jade
March 22, 2016 at 5:02 am
Hi!
I’m feeling confused. I’ve followed all the advice from Ex Recovery PRO, and now I’m in the “like a girlfriend” stage.
Everything is going “decently” well. While my ex is engaged in texting with me, and jokes with me via text, he doesn’t seem too responsive when I try to compliment him or bring up a memory. Ultimately, I was hoping that he would be more flirtatious and pursue me more.
Right now, I’m feeling like I’m the pursuer, yet I am following the plan. Any insight as to what I can do so that I can feel like he really wants me again?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 12:36 am
Hi Jade,
it really differs from person to person.We don’t also guarantee that it works 100% to all but it’s good that he’s replying. Either he’s just being friendly or the topics are not that interested for him. If you can move up to calls that would be better.
kait
February 15, 2016 at 3:10 pm
Um, i get people want there ex back bu what if you want get him back as friend. I just broke up with my ex on Feb 9 2016. It hurts alot and I’ve tried fighting for :us” but he just was set. He like the type keep to himself and be considerate. he went out about how we wouldn’t work out and that we would only opain each other. I know im not perfect and i have many flaws but i just want at least to have my friend back. I’ve talked to many friends and friend share with him.They say give him space but i have other that say you should go talk to him because you will regret it. But where the line where i don’t run into any trouble with laws.I’ve begun to move on but is there anything i could do….im confused you and im scare if i act desperate and irrational i could just push him away further and further without any chance of being his friend or waiting too long and losing that chance. How should i go about this, please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:42 am
Hi Kait,
if it’s just being friends, that’s easier.. give him space if he doesn’t want to talk but if you know he’s willing to listen, approach him and tell him casually..not too heavy.. that it’s better if you became friends again after all that happened and yo hope he thinks the same too
Angie
January 23, 2016 at 1:57 am
himI had been dating him for over 2 years and we had a great relationship. Both of us had been divorced over 10 years due to unfaithful spouses. Both of us also had family traumatic childhoods but went on to be successful adults. I knew he had commitment issues so we really moved slowly. but by 6 months of dating were deeply in love. We had chemistry and friendship and respected each other. He is 59, I am 50–His 2 kids are grown; mine are at home–even though we seem to be at different stages of life we clicked and greatly enjoyed time together. HE seemed to grow distant every 6 months or so and I usually lightly called his attention to it in a joking manner and went on.. This fall the distance grew more than his usually ebb and flow. . My daughter commented that I deserved better as he went weeks without seeing me–I made the mistake of repeating this after too much wine on one of our last dates. He really took it to heart and later told me that my daughter was right. We never had a fuss or argument; we had dinner in November –I had initiated this but he had seemed eager to see me and his eyes lit up when I showed up. WE talked about his commitment issues and his concern that I deserved someone who could commit. The night ended with lots of kissing after I simply asked if it was over so I would know and him saying no. During November and December I traveled quite a bit as did he, the text and calls grew so sparse it would be hard to call it a relationship. Finally I sent him an email –I know it seems rather cold but I thought it was time to know were we stood.–I feared I was just being left hanging. His response came quickly. That has been 5 weeks ago. I have broke NC one time to say Happy New Year to which he responded Wishing You the best in 2016–rather impersonal after over 2 years of sharing everything. I know he isn’t seeing anyone else and wasn’t unfaithful. This is our final emails:
I don’t want to leave things just hanging between us or move on to dating someone else while still wandering what happened with us or leaving things unsaid (you know me–have to say what is on my mind). I also don’t want to put you on the spot so realize that I expect no answer and won’t bother you again if I don’t hear from you(promise I am not some psycho ex–well maybe–LOL:). We started out being totally open and honest and I thought had a great friendship as well as courtship built on that.
I was so used to your get close and then pull back style that at first I thought you were just repeating that cycle as you pulled back a few months ago. Quite frankly, with all I had going on in my life I was kind of okay with that as I needed time to take care of things in my life–and I have always appreciated that you didn’t need constant contact. I also know you have always been very good at giving me time when I needed it. BUT…..
Our last date really left me very confused–while the discussion felt somewhat like a goodbye you had seemed excited to see me and the kiss after certainly did not seem like a goodbye. As fall is turning to winter, it has become obvious to me that perhaps this was the best goodbye you could give and that your returning calls and texts are merely polite gestures. I certainly don’t want to be an intrusion( I think “nudge” is the term you use) in your life.
I want you to know that while this “seems to be” ending may be hurtful, I do not regret any of the time we spent together. I do sometimes wish I had kept my guard up a bit longer but by letting it down I discovered I could truly love again (I really didn’t think I was capable of that). I know you know that I love you for you just the way you are and would never hurt you—I still felt fireworks when we kissed the last time. You can’t help it if you don’t feel that same way! I know you never meant to hurt me–you are a good-great guy. If you have found someone else, I do sincerely hope you will happy. If not, I really hate that your past keeps you from letting someone get and stay close. After 2 years, I kind of hoped you were past that with me!
As much as I miss our kissing, I think I miss your friendship just as much. I have had so many things happening these past couple of months that I miss sharing with you–you always helped put things in perspective for me. I do thank you for being a great friend through some great and not so great times these past 2 1/2 years.
Date: Friday, December 18, 2015
Looking back at my life, I see the same pattern over and over, I have reflected long and hard the past couple of months to make sense of how I feel.
It is like climbing a 100′ silo, I start the climb with all intentions to reach the top, but the higher I climb, my self preservation instinct kicks in and I retreat back down. You would think a grown man would be able to handle something that easy, but it seems I am incapable.
You are a very loving and selfless person and deserve all the best that life has to offer, I wish I could be that special person to share in that life, but I realize that can never be.
My only regret is any hurt I have caused you and your family, your kids are like their mom, selfless and caring.
I do miss my friend and will always be there, we have shared so much of our lives and I truly want to know how you and your family’s lives progress.
If there is some guy code message in his last email I am totally missing it. Part of me says I need to accept that his decision is final and move on–I know he didn’t rush to this decision–he told me at least 2X at our last dinner that his daughters really liked me and I know he had talked to them about what he was doing through. It makes me really sad that loving me was so hard for him. At what point and how do I end NC and see if there is anything left?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2016 at 11:16 am
HI Angie,
It depends on how many days you want to do NC. The shortest is 21 days and then after that you initiate a text.
If he’s problem is really commitment, you need to be more patient with that or just accept that he can’t commit to a certain level or you can read this post and get more insight: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit
But in his age, I think he’s more concerned about you and your daughter’s relationship because of him not committing but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to still be friends. Maybe if you can keep the connections there and somehow he knew that your daughters have understood the situation, he won’t be pressured and be open to a more serious relationship.
But of course if it’s really a pattern, once you start to feel like he’s re-connecting, expect him to pull back again sometime soon. If that happens, blaming him or asking him for more won’t help.I think if that happens, you can take the risk of showing him that you’re still the same person he loves. Continue giving the fun in the conversations, continue offering to see each other but also give him space. But it doesn’t guarantee that he will change, as what I’ve said, it’s a risk for you because you’re going to invest more and then observe after what will happen.
Serafina
December 29, 2015 at 3:21 am
Hello Chris,
I found your text very interesting and it’s exactly what I need it at the moment.
So, basically, on August of this year I broke up with my boyfriend because he lost his job and he wasn’t stable.
Around October I found out I was missing him and I made a big mistake. We still text each other sometimes but I found out he has been searching many girls and he became a player. Then I also start a relationship.
On 23rd Nov when he found out I was with someone else he texted me and, unfornately, we made out. On 8th Dec. we met again and I slept with him. So I decided to break up with my current boyfriend.
Recently, on 24th Dec, Xmas Eve, I met in in the club, we were both drunk and we stayed together again. But I know he got loads of rebound chicks around him.
After that day, I’ve been texting him first all the time which he always reply. I can feel he still likes me (not deeply i guess) but he said expressly that we cannot be together anymore and I knew it.
But today I decided not to text him because I got hurt. But I’m afraid he really mean it and he will never text me back, he lost interested.
My question is, is it worth it if I start NC rule or he already moved on?
Fran
December 10, 2015 at 6:12 am
Hello Chris:
As a 59 year old woman, I have a boyfriend, 64, likes to stare at women in front of me which I feel and know it is very disrespectful. He is in for a rude awakening!!
When stares at another woman I mean stand there and stare, I’m going to go up to that woman unannounced and introduce myself, and introduce my boyfriend to her ,holding his hand so he won’t walk away and tell her that my boyfriend is staring and gawking at her and it’s embarrassing, disrespectful and hurtful to me, could you lease give him your phone number so he can call you later on? LMAO!!!!!!!!!
I cant wait to see his face and hear her remark!!
Aamenah B
December 4, 2015 at 2:49 pm
Hey! I am in college and Its been 4 months since I have broken up with him and I dont know what to contact him about. I m afraid I would look desperate if I messaged him.Please tell me what do I message him because I am ignoring him and messaging him all of a sudden would be weird.
WISHMA
December 4, 2015 at 2:46 pm
Its been 4 months since Ive broken up with him and I dont know what to contact him about. Im afraid Id look desperate if I messaged him.
Chris Seiter
December 7, 2015 at 6:09 pm
I definitely don’t think you will look desperate depending on the message you send of course.
Brittney
November 18, 2015 at 6:32 pm
Hi Chris,
So I’m a college student and I feel as though a lot of this may or may not apply to me because I wasn’t in a relationship with my ex for as long as most people are. In fact, we were only together for a couple months. Meaning, we weren’t together long enough to fall in love, but we were infatuated with each other. I also believe that we worked really well together. We spent all of our time together studying and hanging out (I also made room for my friends and he did as well). We let each other into our secrets and pasts and we had the same sense of humor and drive. But the very last week of the relationship, we began to fight regularly. I take the blame since he was willing to get past it but I was stressed out with school. Anyways, he ended up breaking up with me after the week saying he cares about me, but the fighting put him off and he doesn’t feel like he did before. So he ended it and I begged for that day, and he was really sweet about it just saying “it can’t work right now, I’m sorry. Maybe someday, but not right now.” He’s also my best friend and I’m his so that adds to it. But anyways, I stopped talking to him for a few days after the breakup until monday this week (I just came across this website yesterday), and then I only texted him asking how he was and what not. We’re both rather devastated, but I can tell (since i didn’t ask) that he still feels he made the right choice. He wants to hang out though because he misses my company and I his. But after reading this site I understand the no contact period, so I did not speak to him yesterday (tuesday) and when he texted me this morning saying “I hope you’re doing alright, have a nice day” I did not respond. So since we weren’t together as long and weren’t in love, do you still recommend the no contact period going on for 30 days? Or because that would basically be the majority of our relationship and we’re on such good terms, should it be shorter? I’m conflicted because I feel like I’m too young or immature to understand some of these posts. Thanks for your time if you get a chance to respond to this.
Kay
October 25, 2015 at 8:02 am
Hi Chris,
I am just curious, does the No Contact Rule work just as well with an introverted ex-boyfriend? Or could that cause him more hurt and push him further away?
Our breakup definitely seems to be over some rather small things that I am confident we could work through. But I did end up doing some of the common girl reactions instead of confident responses. Therefore I know I’ve pushed him further away for the time being. I left off stating that I believed this time apart was good, but I also stated that I believed we would one day be back together again. I started no contact soon after that, but I wonder, do I just leave that hanging out there like that, or do I need to say something different before following through with no contact? Thank you for the input, and particularly for helping us remember that we are truly valuable, confident, wonderful women, who can and will grow through all of this. Coming out the other side of things a better person for having walked through this journey. Also hopefully having gained even greater insight into exactly what we want in a relationship as well.
I have found you input very helpful and encouraging. Thank you!
Jazmyn
October 5, 2015 at 5:11 pm
Hi Chris,
This guy I met near the end of April (a month and a half before the semester ended) had been talking/dating for about a month before everything started to change. I guess one night I got really drunk (when my mind was already in a really bad state) and acted really crazy (got into an insane fight with my friends in front of him, was clingy that whole night,etc.,). After that night he became really distant and I tried my best to make things better (which probably pushed him away), but I told him that I understand if he wanted to end things with me blah blah blah…and he spent like the week convincing me that everything was fine. Then school got out and we all went home and basically what happened was that I texted him once and he replied and we had a normal conversation….a couple of weeks later he unfollowed me on twitter so I sent him a really long message telling him to just to end things with me so it’s fair for me…and I can move on. He never replied, and I only tried to contact him a few times after that and he only replied to me once more after still making me feel like everything was fine (mid July). After that I just stopped contacting him all together, and now we are back at school and he’s my neighbor. My roommate got extremely drunk last weekend and dragged me into a party that he was having so she could talk to his roommate. So when I saw him I apologized for being there blah blah blah and he said everything was okay…and throughout the night he kept coming up to me and talking to me for a little bit (but there were so many girls there and I am not sure if he was flirting with them). And then the next morning my friend and I were walking and he came and said hi & had some small talk, and hugged.
So with everything said and done..I had basically spent the entire summer trying to get over him. I thought I had made some progress but it all went down the drain when I saw him, and I know for sure that I want another chance with him. Any advice would be extremely helpful.
Katie
August 28, 2015 at 12:45 am
Hi Chris! This is really amazing advice ive read a few articles but im still trying to figure out what to do. Ill tell you my story.
My husband and I have been apart about 3 weeks we haven’t been talking very much unless one of us has a question (can you send me a picture of a pay stub, do you remember what brand of medicine the dog uses… ect) Nothing really about us getting back together other than me saying the ocassional Miss you or the dogs looking for you. (TRUST ME I KNOW THIS WAS A MISTAKE AND I ONLY DID IT ONCE RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING) But im going over to see his sister on sunday, and he lives with his parents now right above her I need to bring him some of his mail so i told him that when i go see his sister ill give him his mail and if we could have a little talk about our car insurance. He said that would be fine but i can tell that he doesnt really want to see me. my plan is to depending on his reaction when he sees me have a very calm cool collected talk to him about us. there will be NO begging NO emotion i’m simply thinking about saying something along these lines: I know were still in a bad place but id just like you to know im open to trying eventually if you are I understand what went wrong on my part and that ive learned my lesson. Then say something about how ive done nothing but go hang out with friends and hiking and all the fun stuff since hes been gone. Nothing about moping or begging or ANYTHING NEGATIVE just happy happy happy. I’ll then say thats all i wanted to say and then tell him goodbye. My plan from there is (im going to be staying with my parents until i can find an apartment,) to have zero contact until i get my own place and then it will only be : Hey im all unpacked and i have your stuff in a box together come pick it up whenever. I’m not going to say anything about us just simply let him get his things. What do you think about this? I know this isnt really what you suggest but i think for me its a very mature and responsible way to say hey you’re important to me still but also show that him leaving hasn’t stopped any of my fun.
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:22 am
I have another site for marriage. It’s http://www.mymarriagehelper.com You will find more specific advice for your situation there.
niloofar
August 22, 2015 at 8:12 am
omg! at first i thought no contact rule is so easy i cant do it!but today after 2 weeks of breakup(it was a ghosting brake up no explanation to answering …)and 4 days of n/c my ex texted me.
even it is so formal and cold asking me whether i came back from my trip or not. im so tempted to answer and thinking constantly whats next.and i know he is so sensitive on not answering but stubborn as well,i keep thinking what if he doesnt answer me after30 days what if he tells i gave u the chance to talk and u blew it and i moved on…
p.s he was my professor in some psychological class and i was his surveyor (managing class students …) but i skiped the class cuz of breakup.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 6:49 pm
dont reply to him
Cindy
August 16, 2015 at 12:46 pm
Hi, My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. For me it was a total shock. I tried for the last few weeks to fight for him back. But i have done everything which just makes me appear desperate. To begin with we would have normal hour long conversations, all about us but he kept asking for space and I just havent given it to him. We finally got to a point where we had a nice agreement of how he would consider us after some space and we could have a talk even though he wasn’t sure he would change his mind. I got drunk and ended up causing a scene at his flat, in front of his flat mate. Some personal things came out that he wouldn’t want people knowing. Anyway it was a complete disaster I worked on us deciding to have some space and talk in a few week, but all our previous talks he rejected saying things had changed. Last week I spoke to him about a present I’d ordered for him that had come. It started off nice, but I mentioned a girl he spent time with looked jealous and he then started being horrible. We then just got into more arguments, and eventually he has just started ignoring me completely. Is this beyond repair? He seems to have flicked from angry to calm angry to calm for weeks but this is the worst its been. Ive always managed in the past to somehow talk him round. Is this beyond repair 🙁
Cindy
August 16, 2015 at 12:49 pm
Also, he is now saying these days that we will NEVER get back together, and hes getting pissed off that every time he says we can be friends I ask him to consider us. I know I have acted like the crazy ex girlfriend. Have I got any chance at all? Even now.
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 9:43 pm
Your best chance is no contact to correct that “crazy ex girlfriend” vibe.
Julianne
August 10, 2015 at 7:39 pm
Hi Chris…I and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up due to long distance, i didn’t contact him for a year. He suddenly reappeared asking for a chance to be part of my life, it took me 3 months to re-consider and when I finally agreed to give it another shot he says to me that “julianne ur just too nice..i’m afraid of hurting you again so I don’t want to give the relationship another shot anymore” I am honestly very confused and feel seriously disappointed and the rejection is difficult to deal with. and has taken a toll on my self esteem.I sent him a very terrible text message which I regret now …but I was just so upset with him and with myself. Its been almost 4 months since we last spoke. Question is .. how do I salvage the situation?I’m not sure I want him back but I feel I left an impression that I was desperate and I want to change this.