How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”

Regina

January 22, 2015 at 3:05 pm

Hi My LDR romance broke up for the third time in 6 months. I am not sure if I want him back so I am taking at least 60 days in nc. Shortly after this breakup he stopped following me on Instagram (in the other two previous breaks he would like a lot of my photos, which made me feel good! He hasn’t blocked me from facebook or Whatsapp but I a bit sad he hasn’t done like before and liked my pictures or sent me a message. It has been 9 days since we had our fight and broke up.. I assume since he never officially said we were broken up. I am wondering if I should delete Whatsapp from my phone because I have a tendency to want to see if he there and online, but also by deleting the app I feel I give him to much power. What do you think is best?
Thanks
regina

admin

January 22, 2015 at 5:13 pm

What usually causes the breakups between you and your man?

Casey

January 21, 2015 at 10:17 pm

Hey Chris, hope you can assist.
My story. In short as possible. We met online briefly. Started out pretty intense. A few weeks later I had to go away for work for a couple of months. When I come back he went home OS for a month. In that time, my mum became very sick (I’ve taken a lot of care responsibility) I got sick (short term). He knows my deal. I’m studying, moving a lot, I’ve got lots on basically over the next year….
We kept in touch. Then he shit himself and I quote, “This is feeling too much like a relationship, I’m full of drama, he doesn’t want to know me”. Pretty crap things to say. So it ended.
I did full NC and BOOM he returned back on scene 30 ish days later. He took me by surprise and I was cold too him. Yada yada yada, after a couple of weeks several texts turns to flirting then we catch up for coffee. Crap loads of mixed signals later, lots of flirting, no sex, no kiss goodbye. I’m now confused as.
He’s REALLY bad at speaking any thoughts on how he feels, I was too pushy and is a big reason he ditched me… I’ve been following your advice and it’s working a treat. I like him but right now I’m stuck. Thank you. 🙂

admin

January 22, 2015 at 4:51 pm

Well, how many times have you been out in person?
Casey

January 23, 2015 at 11:09 am

Very few, he’s just given me the he doesn’t want to promise anything just in case it doesn’t work down the track. Eye roll! But still wants to get to know me…. Getting frustrated. He ssems to need to make all initiation of contact. Is it worth it?
Casey

February 22, 2015 at 9:42 am

Hey Chris,

Re: Previous situation. I spent more time with him, expecting that something might develop annnnnnnd I’ve been friend zoned!!! :(Iit didn’t end too well as I got quite upset which I didn’t expect. However he is insisting he doesn’t want to lose the friendship but both needing space. I’m now going for NC número 2. Feeling like I cutting my chances by half… I’m feeling like he’s made up his mind. I think I wanna do NC and TRY (with my total lack of patience, probs would’nt hurt me too!). I’d love a magic want to tell me whether I’m really pushing shit up hill basically. Can you be my magic wand please?? Haha

Megan

January 7, 2015 at 8:34 pm

HI Chris. I actually commented on your ‘why your boyfriend is ignoring page about 6 months ago’. Anyway when I finally got bored of my situation of my ex just ignoring me I went into NC. Lo and behold after about just under 2 months of NC he unblocks me on whatsapp. I leave it and he ends up showing up at my gym. When he leaves the gym he gives the car security one of my belongings to give to me (this object was something he might as well have thrown away, I don’t need it). Anyway so we started chatting a bit on whatsapp. But I found that he would take really long to answer me or sometimes not answer me at all. I eventually got annoyed because I was getting along just fine before he made contact again. Anyway so after becoming over emotional I sent him a message saying that after so long I still have feelings for him and I just want to know what the deal is with him contacting me. He never replied. So I basically told him to leave me alone and to stop greeting me at the gym. What I want to know is I still have feelings for him and I would love to give it another shot. But do you think he will try to get my attention again after I told him off? It was so nice to be chased again. Although, I’m not too concerned, I learned to live with loving him and him ignoring me. I got on with life. I also feel like when we were having small talk that he cut the conversations short when I started telling him about all the things I’ve been up to. We even chatted on the phone for a while. I just don’t understand him. What do I do now Chris? What’s going on in his mind? Do I start with NC again? Since I told him off I’ve seen him twice at the gym. But now he doesn’t come to greet me.

admin

January 19, 2015 at 3:02 pm

I think eventually he will try to get your attention again.

Did you want him back?
Megan

January 19, 2015 at 9:08 pm

Hey Chris. Well I think since ny comment I tried one more time to appeal to his heart but he didn’t reply to my messages again. So I went into NC again and I’ve avoided my usual gym times. It’s been 5 days since he’s heard from me and almost 2 weeks since he’s seen me at gym… And guess what I am unblocked again on whatsapp. I never stopped loving him. I always wanted him back. But I just gave up. I just don’t know what his deal is. I can’t believe he’s that sadistic and has that much time on his hands to just be doing this as some kind of sick ego trip. I see his status on whatsapp says ‘finally the Samsung S5’. So he might of got a new phone and it unblocked me, but I remember when I got a new phone all my blocked people will still blocked. It was link to my whatsapp account not my phone. So it’s like he wants me to think that I’m unblocked by mistake, when he was the one who really unblocked me? I don’t know, I’m very very confused.
admin

January 20, 2015 at 3:37 pm

No, he unblocked you.

New phones shouldnt unblock you.
Megan

January 21, 2015 at 6:19 am

So what do I do? Do I unblock him? Do I just leave him until he approaches me at the gym again? I kind of feel like if I unblock him he might feel like he has some kind of power over me. Like he can just unblock me when he wants to and I will then unblock him. I feel a but hurt and he needs to know that he can just say jump…. But I’m also afraid that he might block me again… But from past experience the only time he made contact is when I ignored him.
admin

January 21, 2015 at 3:20 pm

Wait until after your NC date to unblock him I guess haha.
Megan

January 21, 2015 at 6:20 am

I mean can’t say jump
admin

January 21, 2015 at 3:19 pm

Sorry, I lost context here.
Megan

January 8, 2015 at 9:08 pm

HI Chris, just an update on this. So I went to gym again tonight and he was there. I thought screw it let me just go over to him. So I went to him and we started chatting. I think we must have chatted for about 40 minutes. All just catching up. It was really civil, we laughed a bit. He told me how he just works a lot and how he just goes home, drinks his protein and goes to bed because he doesn’t even have a tv at his place. Anyway during this time he said that I looked good about 3 times and that I look really skinny and toned (I bought teeny tiny gym shorts for his purpose today lol). Anyway in between the chatting I said to him why does he always block me. So he said because I blow up when he doesn’t talk to me. Which is true… But I said to him that I just feel it’s rude because I’m just trying to have a conversation with him and then he doesn’t reply. Anyway he then commented on my last message when I told him he’s a bad person and he mustn’t talk to me at the gym. He reached for his phone and he said he will read it to me. I laughed and I said oh you probably sit there in the dark when you’re alone and read it over and over and think how horrible I am. Then he looked and me and said ya he does. Anyway we ended up walking out together. What do you gauge from his reactions? We chatted so nicely. He even showed me his bad wax job of his chest that he did himself and we laughed. It looks like I am still blocked on whatsapp though. I unblocked him now.

Kay Roberts

January 7, 2015 at 5:56 am

okay after reading all of your guides ive came to the conclusion that what if my relationship was just a honeymoon phase? we dated on and off for 7 months. and during the summer we had sex all the time and we were around eachother a lot.

i figure because we had nothing else to do. but my ex told me he is afraid of commitment. when we were working on patching up things, he told me im afraid of commitment, but its obvious he was still in love with me.

further on i begged and pleaded with him for a month and we talked about working on things for a while. then he said he just want to be friends. we can be good friends and he would be there for me whenever i need him. and all that good stuff.

his family believe im the perfect girl for him. im better than all his exes. he even said he never had someone treat him like me and my family did. but after all that fussing, begging, and pleading he told me he love me but he is not in love with me anymore.

he stated that it was my nagging, constant tripping on him for nothing, friends in the business, and putting my anger on social media. i want to fix that to see if i could get my relationship back.

we came into college together. we dated half our senior year in high school, and of course we didnt do the things we did before when we started dating because we in a different surrounding. we cant have sex all the time and go on all these cute dates and watch movies snuggled up because we have work and classes ( something we didnt have when we first started talking ).

i feel he want that period back, and at one point of time he thought our relationship was based on sex. but there were times we went weeks without having sex and we were good. i think he is in the gigs because he started texting and talking to new girls. and i want to save my relationship.

i feel like it was more than just sex. we had arguments, things were not always good. but we had more good than bad times. but i begged and pleaded, and even my friends got in on the break-up texting him annoying him. and until he told me he was going to change his number. and he did, but i didnt get his new number.

everyone is telling me to give him time and space, but we start school in like 2 weeks ill have to see him, and he most likely will ride with me ( 2hr drive ) back on campus. idk what to do, or what to apply. i want my relationship.

everyone think i can get it back, even his family because they say he loves me, but he may be angry and i need to give him space and maybe be his friend for awhile.

do you think there is any hope i can get my relationship back? do you have any advice for what i can do besides follow the no contact rule and focus on myself? besides.. i did beg and plead a lot until it made him angry and making him say things that he later apologized for.

admin

January 19, 2015 at 2:57 pm

So, he changed his number and you don’t have it?

Boo

December 1, 2014 at 11:08 pm

Hi Chris 🙂
My ex and me dated for 2 months (I know it isn’t very long) and after maybe month and a half I started noticing him being somehow distant. I know he had some finantial struggles at the time, but I thought that if I try talking to him about it, it will help. It didn’t. the more he was cold to me, the more I tried to be loving to him. I was acting as we were already together for a long time and my god, I think I was clingy…I was available anytime he wanted to hang out. After some time he didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see the signs and I tried to act like in the beginning. Eventually, he asked me out for a drink and told me that this is all going too fast and that he thinks that he cannot be with me. He said that he was aware of the fact that often he looks like he doesn’t care (he ruined his previos relationship because of this behaviour) but this time it seems like he really doesn’t. I was in a bit of a shock but didn’t show it to him. I told him that he was right, that I also think the same but was willing to give us more time than he did. We were just two lonely people when we met and accidentally ended up together. Yes, I said all that. And I thought I was right. After some time I realized that it is not that simple and that I do care. Then I foud your website. Started NC and he contacted me on the first day. I was polite, but ended the conversation quickly. Than he contacted me two weeks later and was all full of questions and wanted to know how I was doing and all. We’ve met few times in clubs and talked a lot. As friends, of course. Than after some time he mentioned that we should go out for a drink, and we did. As friends. No kisses, nothing. It’s been two months since he broke up with me and we are in contact every once in a while. Sometimes he seems engaged in conversation, sometimes very reserved. I really don’t understand this. He wants me in his life somehow but I don’t know if that is only as a friend or he is trying to get to know me since we didn’t exactly have the time for building anything but sexual connection. My problem is that I am always so happy to hear from him that I forget 1:1 text m. rule. So, my question is…what does this look like to you? Does he want me only as a friend or is there still a chance and that I keep trying and be patient? And pay attention to my text messages. 🙂

admin

December 2, 2014 at 2:52 pm

Right now you need to find a way to engage him on a deeper level through texts.

Deadria Williams

December 1, 2014 at 1:30 pm

if it is possible I would really like to email you personally on my situation

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:46 pm

Do you know the email?

Carmel

October 3, 2014 at 11:16 pm

Hi. So I’ve been doing NC for a week but my ex and I work together. He will literally go out of his way to have conversations with me and it’s quite difficult. I’ve been keeping it brief but friendly. Everytime I talk to him does the count restart? I’m keeping it brief is that correct? Thanku

admin

October 6, 2014 at 11:40 am

I wrote an article on how to handle this situation.

lena

September 9, 2014 at 3:05 am

Hi,
I recently broke up with my ex and gone nc.. The thing is I want him back but after nc period I don’t want to initiate contact. I tried to get back to him and he believes we are different but he said he loved me but afraid of our differences. Also he Cosby kept his promise that’s why I lost my trust in him. He knows this and blames himself. He personally told this to our friend, then I confronted him and said stop blaming himself. When we hugged each other, he was trembling and he said he loves me…
I am going through ptsd and he is in major depression. I want him, and I know his courage is broken. I tried to commit suicide, he got my text message and did nothing..

I am so confused of what to do.. I miss him everyday and blamed him too much for bit keeping his promise.. I want him back but this time I don’t want to do first step. We. Have lots of common friends. If he wants me, he can find me easily… What should I do for him to initiate contact first….

Thanks…

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:22 pm

PTSD? He is going through it or you are?

Punky

August 22, 2014 at 12:30 am

So Chris how are you?
Obviously im going through a break up that’s how I came across your website.

So, to summarize. He’s 42. Im 27. He never married or had kids. He’s had ALOT of gilrfriends so he knows how to handle a relationship. Me, well my relationships don’t last more than 6 months cause i panic (commitment issues). Usually i panic because men want to marry me or get me pregnant so i freak out and break up.

With this guy we were together for a year. I had broken up with him two times before this third one and went full NC. After two weeks he would text or show up unnanounced at my place and id take him back. This time though, after two weeks he didnt show up so i felt it was different. Also this time as soon as we broke up i asked him to get back together and he told me he thought for the moment it was better to leave things as they were.

I went NC for two weeks. I read your site and you recommended between 15 to 90 days right?

We never broke up because of lack of love. All the times we broke up were because of stupid fights. I know what the bigger issue is. I know its communication we have to work on. I know that the times i asked him to do things in a constructive way it worked. the times i didnt communicate properly hell broke loose.

I also know that he was very happy in the relationship. he once told me he felt he had eveyrthing with me thats why he didnt feel the need to go looking for it anywhere else. whereas for me… i felt a lack of emotional intimacy. I cheated on him three times (he never found out). So i dont know if its my commitment issues that got in the way. I dont know if somehow i sabotaged the relationship. Now though its been a month and two weeks after the break up. I havent been able to be with anyone else. I even had the chance to be with someone i had liked alot before but i couldnt. I don’t know if i wasnt honest enough in the relationship. I know i always told him that i wasnt happy in the relationship. But i dont know if i was just focusing on the negative aspects of things out of fear of becoming too vulnerable in the relationship.

I know i have a lot of work to do on me. I also know that i was bored over in the relationship (maybe this has to do with different life stages that we’re in) or maybe because i stopped putting effort into it. Ive read so much about relationships in the past month i know what i have to do and im doing it. During this time i went out, met alot of people, went on dates, excercised, etc.

So i sent him a text after two weeks of NC. The first text was a picture of a tree in the middle of the street and he replied saying that it was a really nice surprise and a great way to start the week and he sent me a big kiss. i replied back saying “hope you have a great week. kiss”

3 days later i sent a text about his football team. saying “almost” we chatted back and forth and he was eager in texting. until i told him i had to go eat lunch. he sent me another kiss.

then 3 days later i wrote to him and said “full moon tonight” to which he replied and said it reminded him of the plans he had for the weeked before we broke up. He told me he uploaded the picture of the tree i sent him on his instagram (which is only pictures of trees in the middle of the street). He had never uploaded anything on his social networks refering to me (hes a very private kind of guy) and this was the first time. He uploaded the image and mentioned my name on the post.

i know i should have just left it at my response which was “tree <3". but then i wrote another message asking if he remembered the first full moon we spent together. How we had ended up tied around each other like snakes. How our bodies were like two magnets drawn to each other. he didnt respond… so i went into panic mode.

I dropped by unnanounced the next day at his place at night with the excuse that i was around the neighbourhood. I knocked on his door and when he opened it i said to him "still full moon" his face was light up saying ahh look whos here (in a good way, trust me i know when he isnt happy to see me). he invited me in and i told him i prefered to take a walk outside around the block. we walked and i asked him about work and other things in his life. Like the course he teaches and stuff. (no crying, no pleading. easy light, short conversation)

So i told him i had to go after walking around for 20 minutes. he walked me to my car and hugged me tight. kissed me on the cheek. and i left.

After that i i sent him a text a week and a half later. it was a picture of some masks. I accompanied the mask image with the place it was from.
he replied back to me as soon as he saw the message saying he had seen them as well. So i replied back "yeah they're great. going out for a walk, hope your well" to which he responded "ok. Kiss, yeah i remember now where i saw those masks.

ts been 6 weeks after we broke up. 2 weeks NC and now im always initiating and ending conversations to which he responds positively.

Im thinking of sending him the next text on saturday. a picture of one of his favorite chocolates and say to him "they just served this at dinner as desert" (which basically happened weeks ago, but im gna use the card now). What do you suggest? Keep going at this? Is it a bad sign he never initiates? Or should i just focus on the fact hes being responsive?

your help is greatly appreciated!

admin

August 25, 2014 at 12:01 pm

I am never a fan of big age discrepancies like that because oftentimes older men use younger women for one thing, sex.

May I ask what you are drawn to about him?
Punky

August 31, 2014 at 7:11 pm

well for sure sex was the only good thing we had.

originally… i was drawn to him because he seemed like a very misterious guy. i had just started to work in this new place and he came two months lather as my direct boss. so he was new in the city, was alone, seemed mysterious, and had that taste of forbidden fruit for me. So i seduced him because i knew i was young, fresh, fun meat… and he wouldnt say no. at first we kept it to ourselves, then everyone found out but we were always very professional. then i decided to call it quits on the job (6 months into the relationship) to make our relationship more public.

maybe you’re right about the sex but on the 4th month he took me to his country to meet his family at his brothers wedding to make it more official and told me that these were the people he cared about, so for him it was important these people knew who he was with. i told him that i never lasted long with people and he told me he was a long term relationship kind of guy.

after a year of being with him… i started to see his true self and not my illusion of him. there was no mystery… he’s just a very simple lonely man who enjoys being alone a little too much. he doesnt have many friends, he doesnt like talking much… hes just an introvert.
once i asked him what would he do if he had 24 hs left in his life and his response was “id call all the people that i really care about and apologize for not being there”.

he doesnt like celebrating his birthday, he doesnt like celebrating crhistmas or new years. he will easily stay locked at his place for 5 days straight without leaving the house as long as his fridge is full.

chris i feel like i was dating a person who in life, was already dead. tasteless, spiceless, colourless, odourless. and slowly that was killing me as well. i felt like i was aging really fast with this guy. and bored to death.

a week ago he told a friend of mine “all is good, just everything in its own time”… Man i got really pissed off with that comment. So i went to his place on friday dropped his things off in a little box (just left them with the guard of his building). left him a letter saying “Hey. its true, you’re right. We’re better off like this. Good luck with everything” and i’ve gone NC again… week 1 day 2.

I just feel like he’s so sure of me. He’s so sure im going to come back again. Oh man… I really hate it when someone is secure of me. This time i plan on going full NC.
admin

September 2, 2014 at 12:27 pm

Hes pretty introverted huh?
Punky

September 3, 2014 at 10:58 pm

excesively. at work a lot of people consider him a very distant and cold man. he will easily turn down invites of group lunches. he wont even go to the birthday of people of the workplace. he goes to the movies on his own. travels alone. likes to eat lunch alone. he’s into chess. he likes reading. just imagine that sometimes after a long day his big news would be “today i actually talked”. during our relationship i tried to make us do stuff together apart from having sex and eating. but he just prefers to go boxing on his own. i tried supporting him into buying a bike and it ended up backfiring on me cause he thought i was making him do it. i ended up telling him that i didnt care if he bought a bike or not. i dont bike, i skate. it was just trying to find an activity to do together so that we could strengthen our bond. ofcourse he didnt buy the bike.

once i was out in the street painting a mural on my own and a guy friend dropped by. the mural was close to my exes boxing class. bf passed by and went to his class but apparently that day the class was canceled. when he came back he stayed for 15 minutes, then left me alone with my guy friend (who according to my ex wanted to be more than my friend). my guy friend had stayed with me helping till it went dark.

ex bf doesnt even own a car because he doesnt want to get stressed with a car. he just prefers to go by cab. it makes his life easier.

its no wonder hes 42 and never been married with kids. its impossible to get this guy to do anything he doesnt feel like doing. he has no empathy over others. once we went to a dinner… and i was crying cause i was going through some family issues. and he didnt even notice.

hes as selfish as a little boy in the body of a grown man. cero empathy, pure selfishness.

once my friends came over to my place and he was there. he made sure he sat far away from them and made no effort whatsoever to interact with them. my friends asked me if he was a ghost or something, they werent sure wether to try to integrate him or not. and they didnt even stay for long, they came to borrow some books.

with my family though he got along. like he bought my nephew presents on his birthday and was attentive overall.

its been two months of the break up.

he did come back on his own the last two times after two weeks of breaking up(i went full NC during those two weeks). just this time after two weeks i was the one who started texting him once or twice a week and he would be very responsive but for a month didnt initiate any of the conversations (it was me who initiated and it was me who ended the conversations, every interaction was creative, no empty texts, nothing boring). during that month i texted him he uploaded a picture i sent to him giving me credit for the picture (first time he ever mentioned me in his social networks). he also still frequents the club my parents own.

Chris i feel like if hes going to come back hes going to do so on his own, not because im trying to bring him back. everytime i would text him i would lie in bed two days because of how bad it made me feel even if he was responsive. i need to give myself an opportunity to heal. because the past month has been about feeling good for some days and then falling again into the ex addiction through contacting him and starting from zero again leaving me drained. thats also why i took his things to his place in a little box. in that box i returned the keys to his apartment. theres no way i can back down from my NC now… i really need to heal. and i feel also that if hes going to take it seriously that im walking away, a minimum of three weeks have to pass for him to see that im serious (if hes going to react at all). hes probably thinking (ah, i give her two weeks and she’ll be back).

if we’re going to be back together… i want it to be his initiative. not mine. i feel like texting him during that one month has been has been chasing (even if it was me who initiated and it was me who ended the conversations, every interaction was creative, no empty texts, nothing boring). c’mon, i want to be with someone who at least acknowledges that im doing some effort in maintaing contact and trying to make things work. i dont want crumbs. i dont want to be with someone who isnt even willing to send me one text. thats just lowering myself. i need to regain back my power and heal. and if he doesnt come back on his own… this time im not going after him either. i love myself enough to let him go this time.
admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:15 pm

Man he is extremely introverted. I get that you want him back but are you sure you can be happy in the long run with someone who is so introverted?
Punky

September 4, 2014 at 3:49 pm

thats where i find myself at crossroads. im a very outdoor kind of person. i like having an active social life as well. last night for example i went over to a friends house. his girlfriend organized his goodbye party and it was full of people in the house. we are all about the same age, early,mid,late twenties and i just saw that and really if you ask me what makes me yearn inside is that kind of relationship. where there is companionship. where ill cook something so that we invite some friends over and the person im with is giving me a hand organizing it. the little gestures.

i really enjoy active people. passive people drive me crazy.

with my ex i feel like we’re complete opposites. and in the long run maybe thats what killed us. i guess because we are so different we just irritate each other. i always want to keep on moving and he just wants to stay home.

alot of times during our relationship i told him i wasnt happy. and man after all those times we broke up and got back i really did try to change or manage my expectations. but deep down… i dont know… i felt miserable. i felt really alone in the relationship, and chris before him my life was perfectly fine. i had been alone for a very long time, i was fine, i dont have a problem in being alone but yes i do have a problem in being with someone who makes me feel alone.

i guess at some point i have to realize that no matter how much love you can feel for someone sometimes you are just not meant to be? cause i always manage to trick myself into thinking that ill just accept him as he is, and you know… learn from him to be a little bit more detached… and that works for a month or so… and then i get really drunk, cheat because im feeling so resentful… (obviously he doesnt find out) and then start to pick fights with him cause somehow i feel guilty and angry with him for making me feel like he doesnt care… and probably i approach the situation in such a negative way that i push him away even more until he stonewalls me hardcore.

so maybe… no… i wont be happy with such an introvert. but i also do know that i have to work on my communication skills. thats one great lesson i’ve learnt from this situation. and maybe the reason i want to get back together with him is because he’s one of my biggest challenges in that sense. cause whenever i approached things in a constructive way he was very responsive.

chris i know how i sabotaged my own relationship. i set the expectations too high instead of accepting him as he is. the more i demanded the more he withdrew. but yeah, maybe i was trying to have a relationship with someone who is just as troubled in his own communication skills as i am.
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:04 pm

I am not saying you aren’t meant to be I am just thinking of the long run and if you two got married or something you might be miserable b/c he is almost afraid of social situations.
Punky

September 19, 2014 at 6:24 pm

NC day 30. you’re right i’d be miserable in the long run, just as i was in the short run. havent heard from him at all. i guess its for the best.

i’m finally starting to see things more clearly now. this week i finally started looking ahead instead of back. i got plans for my future, looking forward to them, today i weighted myself and realized i lost 10 kilos! now im 59 kilos. i’ve been doing so much exercise, i actually competed this weekend at a longboarding event and won 3rd place in the female category!

now im focusing on getting a fulltime job so that i can make more money to travel to these sports events and buy myself proper gear! met so many people from other countries in the event, guys and girls it was amazing!

thats the lifestyle i choose for myself in the future. outdoor, sports, adrenaline, LIFE!!!

and chris, theres so many fish in the sea!!! i realized i dont want him back. i just wanted him back to relieve the pain. but now im fine. i wasnt happy with him. he drained the life out of me. i was so miserable with him. hes not a jerk or a bad guy, i just finally understood he wasnt good for me. we werent a match for each other, and its ok. i realized trying to hold on to him or bring him back was just part of the grief process which im still going through. i guess 30 days isnt enough to heal completely. for sure i know im not going to try to contact him, im healing, im moving on.
Punky

October 8, 2014 at 7:38 pm

i got some news for you Chris! ill post it on the the guide to what to do on a date with your ex under the same nick 🙂
admin

October 9, 2014 at 1:36 pm

Ya? Im going over to answer it right now!

lisa

July 26, 2014 at 5:35 am

hey chris,

Was wondering how can you get your ex to chase you emotionally.. not just physically?

I’m really scared once we end up having sex i wont be as important… but my ex isn’t an asshole with sex we still talk and what not and cuddle the usual things… but would seeing him for lunch be a bad idea before? because if i see him after we have sex.. looks too obvious that i want him back!

My ex is exactly like Taryn’s ex (also… my ex is named Ryan as well.. :p ) and he is stubborn and doesnt live in the past.. so i couldn’t just ask for lunch and catchup to fix our problems..

i remember him telling me our problems were his mum not approving of me (different culture and she hates me for lying 4 years ago) and he said that i just lost the spark… the feeling… keep in mind i weighed 82kg so gained a lot got comfortable.. need him to see me in a new light but please i need your help… ive done everything you’ve said.. NC and i haven’t seen him for 8 months.. only recently talked to him 2 months ago nearly 3… and its going well.. more and more comfortable to talk to each other we joke and flirt,,, yes we sext too :/ but just .. im on a roller coaster.. help!! somebody!

admin

July 28, 2014 at 2:39 pm

Don’t have sex with him. Not until he commits.
lisa

July 30, 2014 at 7:23 am

so if i dont have sex with him unless he commits… how do i get him to chase me when i think he might like someone else or he doesn’t want to reconnect..

would lunch be a bad idea? To ask him” so, would you want to get a bite to eat i havent seen you in ages, just as mates?” i wouldn’t know how to ask… and then i can judge for myself if he seems interested or not

P.S i dont know why i keep thinking if i have sex once.. he will want more and more and ill play hard to get and tease him then eventually get somewhere? or am i in la la land? since sex is an intimate thing we two people.. especially since it always made my ex and me closer..

how will he want to commit when I’m not emotionally hooking him in? sexually i have… but emotionally I’m not sure how since it’s through text?

Taryn

July 13, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Hi Chris!

Another update :]

I texted Ryan two days after our conversation and he ignored me. So I decided to wait and try again.

What I have trouble with, though, is thinking of ways to start conversations with him, without doing the same things each time.

So far what has worked is hooking him in with an intriguing text. Like when I texted him to say “I’d like to share something with you…” that worked So well. Also, before that, texting him to say, “I have an awesome interesting story for you…” worked too. And that got him chasing me the next day.

What he doesn’t respond to, it seems, is when I start conversations off with memories. So what was trying to do is build more conversation with him. Start a conversation with something intriguing to hook him in and then bring up the memory in the conversation. Haven’t been able to do that yet.

Another thing that worked was the random meme and the picture I sent him last week. And two days later was last Thursday, when he ignored my text. I said, “Good afternoon. Hope your day is good today! I was just thinking…” I really thought he’d write back and have a conversation with me that day. He did not. Oh well.

So now I am waiting and will try again Wednesday. It’s just tough figuring out what to say to start a conversation. Maybe you could write an article about that? It does get tough to think of something.

But So far I have three ideas of what I could say on Wednesday.

1. I have another story That I have in mind that I could tell him. And I would start off by saying

“I have another story for you. A silly one lol…”

2. I thought of Starting a conversation saying,

“I just found out that my best friend’s Marine nephew is home for a while! And then I thought of you and your Marine days. Once a Marine. Always a Marine!”

But I’m on the fence because, he might respond. But it may or may not lead into a conversation.

3. I was think about saying,

“I was remembering a long while ago when you told me that you used to draw as a hobby before you joined the Marine Corps. But then stopped. I wonderful if you still draw :]”

That’s something we have in common :]

I open for suggestions. This is tough!! Lol.

Thank you

admin

July 14, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Ok, then that means the memory texts aren’t doing their trick we should probably find a way to use something else.

It’s almost like you are compiling important data on what works and what doesn’t work.
I like #!
Taryn

July 14, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Ryan’s a tough nut to crack haha. Yup. The memories don’t really work on him lol. I feel like he’s more of a “Let’s start over…” type of guy. So if I could do that. Just “start over”, and still get him back, that would be fantastic! He’s the type of guy who does not dwell on the past. He likes to move forward and start fresh. He would greatly benefit from the “newness factor”.

I do believe I am getting somewhere though. And I don’t want to be friend-zoned either. That’s where the “girlfriend” texts might help maybe?

We can think of something :]

Thank you!
Taryn

July 14, 2014 at 5:28 pm

Also, I am reading your latest article right now :]

Ryan is stubborn lol.
admin

July 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

Youll find most men are.
Taryn

July 16, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Yup I believe that :]

I’ll keep you updated about what happens next (^-^)
Taryn

July 24, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Hey Chris!

So I sent Ryan my text yesterday. The story one. And he ignored it. Wahhh.

I’m not giving up. I still have hope. It’s just that this is very hard and I don’t even know what to say to him..I wish I always new the right words.

Blahh

:]
admin

July 25, 2014 at 1:38 pm

Dang Taryn…

I so want things to work out for you.

Email my support email ([email protected]) so we can talk more in-depth about how you should approach things going forward.
Taryn

July 25, 2014 at 3:15 pm

Thank you for wanting to help. I would try again 1,000,000 times until he opens his eyes and realizes what he lost. He seems like the type who wouldn’t realize what he lost until it’s too late. Only, it’ll never be too late for he. He is the only man I’ve ever cared this much about. And I’m not the type of girl who moves on to someone new. I’m actually very content being single. Guys approach me all the time and compliment me, But it’s just empty words to me. There’s never a connection. Ryan and I connected right off the bat when we first met :]

I did join Meet Me and added the app to my phone yesterday. Just to put my mind somewhere else and it helped. Lol Chris… I got 121 profile and picture views in 2 hours…. and a ton of messages…lol. it’s nice to feel admired. Haha. I’m just on there for a confidence boost. No one connects or clicks with me. They don’t really understand me. They just think I’m a pretty face and body… Eh. The attention is helping me to be more confident about what I want though.

Thank you so much for wanting to help me Chris. I want this to work out too. And I honestly believe it will. Especially if I approach this the right way.
admin

July 28, 2014 at 1:47 pm

You’ll find a lot of men are like that. It’s ok for you to be picky about your dating life. In fact, I wish most girls were more picky and not just latch on to the first guy that gives them attention.

Tina from China

July 9, 2014 at 2:26 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we had a 9 months serious relationship before that, and his reason was we were not on the same page and we had too many fights and we didn’t have enough chemical anymore and he couldn’t built his own friend zone cause I made myself his only friend. He right went back home after the broke up but when I went to gave him his stuff the last night before he left, he cried and kissed me and said maybe the breaking up was uncertain. Then I kept texting him every 2 days for a week he decided to skype me and told me to have an agreement with him that we shouldn’t communicate for at least 1 month and if we still love each other, I can have him, but when I asked him wether he remembered the last night, he said no and I should ignore it. Im so confused now and does NC still work in my situation? Thanks, I really need your help.

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:07 pm

What were your fights typically over?
Tina from China

July 10, 2014 at 3:55 pm

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. I was supposed to meet him out of China this summer, but the visa thing was killing me and he started to say I was not organized and I couldn’t handle things well. At the same time, he complained about I was not putting effort in improving my English or helping his madarin or I didn’t really care about him. The biggest fight between us was because one night we were playing fighting, he pretended to slap me in the face, I didn’t know wether he was doing it on purpose or not but I was shocked, so I told him he should say sorry to me and never do it again. He was really angry about that and told me to leave immediately, I thought I did sth really wrong and begged him for the whole night, he let me back in but after that, he wanted to cancel the invitation, I was desperate and insisted to finish the visa. The month after that he kept telling me that the night drained him and we couldn’t make each other happy anymore and wanted a break, but again I didn’t give him the time. I tried the whole month but then a Sunday before he left, he picked up a fight and said I just couldn’t understand him anyway and there was no future. He also said it was because we spent too much time together so he couldn’t make any friend and I lacked self control. I know I was needy and desperate and did stupid things. Thats why I really need your help… Thank you so much. I’m in NC4…and extremely emotional lately…and I really dont know the words he said was comforting me only or should I have hope, actually I tell myself to stop giving myself hope but I really dont know…Thank you…
Tina from China

July 12, 2014 at 11:15 am

Hi，so Im in strict NC 6. He sent me a message today saying that my profile photo was not professional cause I have students’ parents in my wechat. I’m confused cause I didnt post anything else except changing my profile photo to some tequila shots I had with other friends. And he did say that he would still be my side and help me but just not be my boyfriend, but I really dont want this kind of help and I really dont know what he wants, also I did change the photo and sent sorry,thanks to him, now I regret to do all these cause it is just the same when we were in relationship, he said things and I had to do and then he kept complaining I couldnt think well and always not enough. So should I just go back to NC and ignore what happened? Thanks~!
admin

July 14, 2014 at 2:59 pm

Yup NC and ignore.

Taryn

July 9, 2014 at 3:16 am

I have another update for you! :]

Ryan and I texted today. I sent him a picture text based on a conversation we had last Tuesday. It was a picture of a cover photo for a Book I illustrated recently.

And he was very active. At first he was neutral, But then he kept texting me asking me questions lol. He just kept on asking. Lol. I wanted to try throwing in a good memory, But we were 1:1 texting. And I was answering his questions. So I had no opportunity to bring one up. I had the last word by answering one of his questions. He didn’t say anything after that. But that’s okay :]

I’m happy he was So into the conversation!!!! I will text again in 2 days. Or I’ll play it by ear.

Thank you for your tips and everything! Waiting 5 days rather than 2 weeks to text him worked out nicely today.

Update you more later!!

admin

July 9, 2014 at 2:24 pm

Awesome Taryn just Awesome!

Thanks for continually keeping me updated!

Taryn

July 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm

Hi Chris!

I want to Thank you for your help. For helping me to figure out what to say to Ryan. Today I texted him and it went well. I shared something with him and he was engaged in it. I ended the conversation, but he still texted back after that and said “Congrats so proud”. And I left it at that :]

Moving forward!!!!

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:58 am

Wow, good progress!

I think you should ramp things up a bit. Try to keep building attraction more and more. I would love to see you on a date with him!!!
Taryn

July 3, 2014 at 4:02 am

Thank you!!

I agree! And will do that. Tomorrow (well today now that it’s almost midnight here) I will text again. It’ll be 2 days later. So I will think of something else to say :]

I absolutely want a date soon! He and I are long distant though. He’s in San Diego and I’m on Buffalo, NY. 3,000 miles apart… ::sigh::

From reading you article about LDRs it said that we should go out and see them first. I could manage that, when that time comes. Lol I’ve honestly been packing my suitcase for Cali since I started this program, to give me hope and motivate me.

I’ve got more attraction to build first!!!
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:29 pm

3,000 miles really sucks Taryn.

I know what LDR’s are like… I know how tough they can be.

Let me say one thing that I believe. Really the biggest thing about an LDR is that there has to be a plan where both couples work together to be closer together permanently.
Taryn

July 7, 2014 at 6:36 pm

Yes it does suck. And I definitely want to work together with him to be somewhere permanent. Before we broke up he told me that eventually he wants to move back home. California isn’t his home. Just where he was stationed in the Marine corps. And he stayed out there to finis school and work. He told me that he wants to move back to Rochester, which is an hour away from where I live. He also told me that he wanted to move our relationship forward.

But yes, Chris. It does suck. And I want to do exactly that. Work together and be permanent somewhere. I would like to go and be with him in Cali or Rochester. And the bigger picture would be marriage.

I don’t know how and when I would bring that up. It’s too early now though. But how would I do that when the time comes Chris?
admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:03 pm

Way too early to bring that up. Just focus on getting him back first.

You should probably have discussions in the relationship on where the two of you want to be long term.
Taryn

July 8, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Okie dokie :]
Taryn

July 3, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Ps. So I sent Ryan a text to open up a conversation. And so far, no response. If he responds we’ll continue to talk. If he doesn’t, am I supposed to wait 2 weeks again? I totally will. I’m just wondering if we’re always supposed to wait two weeks?

:]
Taryn

July 8, 2014 at 3:59 am

Hehe.

Any suggestions on how to ramp things up?

:]
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:43 pm

Hmm… No just like 5 days to a week.
Taryn

July 7, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Okay Thank you :]
admin

July 8, 2014 at 1:59 pm

No problem!

Liza

June 24, 2014 at 1:17 am

Hi Chris,
My situation is a bit different. My ex is an ex of over 20 years. We reconnected on Facebook over a year ago. He was my first love. I was married when we started chatting, we kept it clean and never spoke of meeting or anything. Since then my husband passed away. We live on the opposite sides of the country. We message each other once or twice a week. I asked him if he would like to actually talk sometime and he never responded to the question, just acted like it never happened. I pointed this out to him and said I would not ask him again. Now, I want to talk to him, but can’t figure out how to get him to move this forward. He has to care, otherwise he wouldn’t have written me almost every week for the last year and a half. Right? I think there have been times when I have been a “gnat”, but I try not to be. What do you think? Thanks!
Rosie

June 23, 2014 at 9:40 pm

Hi Chris, I completed my 30 days NC period and my ex didn’t text me the whole time. Since then, we’ve had two small text conversations (i always text him first) and he’s been talking fine although he’s quieter than before; which is understandable since he is incredibly stubborn and can stay moody forever. So today I text him using your Quality Block Texting technique. It worked well he was interested when i cut off the conversation however, when i text back 4 hours later i didnt get a reply. So I waited.. and he text me back exactly 4 hours later. So i checked through all our texts and I noticed that he is mirroring me and takes as long as I do to reply back – usually around 20 mins. It’s quite obvious he is doing this on purpose but I can’t understand why. Any insight?

admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:48 pm

Test the theory out some more. Respond super quickly and see if he does.

Nicole

June 18, 2014 at 11:12 pm

Hi Chris,

To make a long story not much shorter, lol, I grew up with this guy since 11 years old. We remained best friends throughout the years, but we’re never romantically involved. We lost contact while we both left for college, and although we periodically ran into eachother on summer breaks (fate?) eventually reconnected through MySpace (when that was cool) 4 years later. We were now both 23. We became inseparable and planned on having a future together. Unfortunately I had just gotten out of a bad relationship, and while I was thrilled to be with him, I took a lot on him and treated him horribly for the next 3 1/2 years. I slowly felt him detaching from me but he insisted that we would make it work and that I was the only woman for him. He ended up losing his job, and took 2 minimum wage jobs the last year we were together. (2012- July 2013) he started making excuses that he needed to focus on his career now because we were getting old, but I was still the only one for him and he was going to forgive me and we d get back on track again. Last July, I planned a big vacation for us, in which a week before, he was still telling me he loved me etc… 3 days before the vacation, he sent me a text saying he was ill and he’d give me money for any cancellation fees. Then I never heard from him again. I tried calling, texting, emailing. I finally gave up in August and did NC until February 2014. I sent one text “do you hate me?” to which he replied a day later “no” . I waited a week and sent another question to which he replied another simple “no” I waited another month, and my father had had a major illness to which I reached out to him for support. He sent encouraging messages but that was it. I waited another month then sent some general texts asking how he was and what he was up to. He replied to those too. I asked him if he had a gf. He ignored me. I asked again and he said “yes” I asked why he did what he did and he proceeded to tell me that he begged for years for me to treat him right, and he just couldn’t do it anymore. I told him that over the past 8 months of no contact I had time to really change and I wanted another chance. He told me he was in a serious relationship with someone that treated him nice from the get go and he doesn’t have the same problems with her as me. I asked him if we could ever be together again and he said “if some unforeseen circumstance happened that they weren’t together anymore, then we could talk, but he wasn’t leaving the person he is with” I waited another month. I sent him a long emotional text asking him how he got over me etc… He responded a day later saying “you think everything is so easy… If I was around you, I wouldn’t trust myself ” I asked him what this specifically meant, but he didn’t respond. I became a text gnat and he finally responded saying I always have to twist everything around. I told him if he was 100% happy he would just tell me to move on, but he said nothing. It’s almost been a year since he left me and I’m pretty sure he’s been with this girl since the day he left. Do you think he still has any feelings for me? Or he ever questions if I have changed? Should I ever contact him again or just give up and if he wants me he ll come back. I’m just afraid he s going to marry this girl, and he never gave me a real chance to prove ive changed. We have so much history, how can he just not care anymore?

Thanks for reading my “book”

I appreciate any feedback from anyone. I’m still hurting…

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:32 pm

I am going to say this for your own good. If he has been with this girl since the day he left and is still with her then it isn’t a rebound relationship….
Nicole

June 18, 2014 at 11:16 pm

* we are both 29 now

Taryn

June 18, 2014 at 3:54 pm

Hey Chris!

I have a question. For the texts:

“I have a confession to make…”

“You are not going to believe what happened to me…”

and

“You aren’t going to believe what I just saw…”

Are those only meant for after 30 NC. I had already used the confession text a while back and that went well. I just wonder if I could try using one of the other ones when I send my next text :]

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:00 pm

Yup, you can’t overdo them. They are almost like a last resort sometimes.
Taryn

June 20, 2014 at 7:58 pm

Haha I see thank ya :]

Linette

June 16, 2014 at 5:11 pm

Hi master! I’ll be glad if you can help me, although I know there are many many comments here :/

I met this guy last year, we only were on a few dates. A week after come closer stuff, he started to act weird, then he asked me (all through the texts) what was all that heading to. I simply told him that I liked him a lot and that it depends on him where it goes. He told me that „it’s nice to hear that from someone special but he knows he‘s messed up atm and he doesn’t want to end up hurting me.“ (Messed up since he’s a full time student and is forever busy, which I never mind though cause I’m about to study the same soon.) That time I told him it was not necessary to end up like this and we should try at least. Although he agreed, two weeks after he cut off all the contact with me.
I didn’t know there was a nc rule before so I sent him a long message a week after that, and another one three weeks after. Both with no response. (Yes I was the gnat here.)
A month after his last message, he messaged again (it was the New Years), as I was all drunk he quickly realised he has the upper hand atm and asked me about friends with benefits. I agreed and thought I actually wanted just that but… I was all wrong. After this „deal“ he never initiated the convo again, I kept messaging him every like two weeks but I could tell that he’s not interested at all. I got crazy one night so I messaged him basically offering myself (because even though there was a „deal“, we never met again), which was obviously left with no response again so I ended up telling him the last goodbye. He blocked me after that.
It’s been four months since that last message, I already met him a couple of times in the city, always pretending not to see each other but I’m sure he noticed me. I’m about to be meeting him even more often since I’m entering the same school soon. Oh, also, he unblocked me like a month after the goodbye.
I think he got rid of me since I’m younger and he thinks I’ll get too attached. Also, yes indeed, I pushed him away sounding too needy after he dumped me. Should have read this page earlier!! Lol.
I don’t know what to do now. I wish I can go back to the good terms with him, eventually get him understand who I actually am (I’m amazing!! Haha). I don’t wanna push him into anything though. He might also have someone else by now and most probably he already forgot about me totally. His birthday is next month so I thought I could wish him and initiate the convo somehow. The question is… HOW? And is that even a good idea? Or what should I do to go back on the good terms if even possible?

Thanks!

admin

June 17, 2014 at 8:25 pm

Master?

Don’t call me that please haha.

Are you still blcoked?
Linette

June 18, 2014 at 10:08 am

Haha sorry then Chris.

Nope not anymore, he unblocked me like two, three months ago..

Sarah

June 16, 2014 at 12:12 pm

Me and my ex broke up back in March. About a month and a half ago I tried contacting him again and he replied with pretty neutral repsonses. Then a few days later put a picture up of him and a woman kissing who I think he left me for. We have had no contact since. Now the picture is gone and he texted me last night asking how I am with kisses at the end like he used to when we were still together. I responded saying I’m good and asked about him but put no kisses back. He asked about everything else and I just responded back neutrally. I obviously want him back but I responded in a way so he doesn’t think I will just come running back to him. Was this the right decision? My dad is scaring me saying I’ve acted too cold and he will lose interest, is that true? Have I blown my chance?

admin

June 16, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Do you know if he met this woman while you were dating him?
Sarah

June 16, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Yes I actually met her while we were still together.

« Previous 1 … 4 5 6 7 8 … 14 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

983 thoughts on “Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again”