Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
What Is An Avoidants Biggest Fear?
Post categories
Gogga
November 10, 2015 at 8:25 pm
Hi Chris
Thank you for the insight. I enjoyed reading this article.
Chris Seiter
November 17, 2015 at 2:36 am
Glad to hear it!
Gina
November 4, 2015 at 3:36 pm
Hello Chris, please help me!
I initiated no contact with my ex boyfriend who told me he didnt need me in his life and that I’m a low priority in his life because he wants to focus on himself. throughout the 3 month relationship, he neglected me a lot and i behaved like a text gnat so he took advantage of me. I was unhappy so i broke up with him. after a few weeks of me leaving him, he then popped today in my texts, asking for me to meet him for lunch and i stupidly replied saying i am not available today but i am tomorrow. i later realised that i made a weak move so i texted an hour later that i am no longer free tomorrow.
when he replies asking me when i will be free, what do you reckon i should do to make him chase me?
Thank you so much Chris. You’re great.
TMC
October 22, 2015 at 3:23 pm
Hi Chris 🙂
I’ve bought your pro system and it’s really helping.
My ex and I have had some really good texts back and forth and some really long positive and sometime flirty text conversations back and forth.
However I just can’t seem to get him to initiate contact with me. I’ve spaced the texts further apart to see if he will initiate and nothing. One of the reasons I broke up with him was because I always seemed to be contacting him first. Now that we ae broken up its even worse, on days when I text him we can talk for a few hours and he seems happy yet on days when I don’t he’s straight onto dating sites and sits there all day.
How can I get him to text me so first so we don’t fall back into the habit of me making all the effort?
Chris Seiter
November 19, 2015 at 1:38 pm
Have you tried a jealously tactic?
Anna
October 20, 2015 at 3:31 pm
Hi Chris. I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for more than 2 years. We had so many plans together like he will move to my town, and stay for good together with me and my family. He promised me. And now he is so confused saying that he is family oriented and that he is not sure about the future. He is telling me that he cannot sacrifice leaving his parents for me and us to be together. He says sorry for being weak. He said that I am pressuring him. But I do not want to wait for nothing and hurt myself more in the long run. I do not want to expect. We used to have so many plans together and now he is unsure about us. It just hurts me. What is the best thing I should do? The only thing I wanna hear from him is our future together. I want him to have his own plans for us. I am 20 and he is 21. If I apply NC would you think he would change his mind about our relationship inthe future?
Jordan
October 14, 2015 at 11:40 am
Hey Chris, my friend had actually referred me to your book and website. She let me read a little of the book she purchased. My situation is a little difficult. I have been with my fiance for 10 years now and we have a 3 year old boy together, have a house and life together. He is in his last year of dental school and graduates in May so he has been really stressed out. Just took one out of his 3 state boards this past weekend and I am the only one supporting our household financially. That being said, we have always had a good relationship and like any other relationship we have had our ups and downs but we always find a way to make it work. I lost my job back in June and with me being the one taking care of everything, that was very stressful. It caused a lot of unnecessary fighting between us both being stressed out, nothing major though. Three weeks ago we both just got tired of the fighting and I thought it’d be a good idea to just relax and take a little break from talking to eachother as much as possible, since we do live together, for the next few days. Well he took it as me breaking up with him and freaked out and it caused him to want space to think about things and focus on school since he has another state board coming up in November. I have been doing my best to give him space and be nice and supportive of him but it has been really hard. I will admit I have text him first. A lot because we have a child together and have to plan who picks him up from preschool and what not but I have also text him outside of concerns about our child when I have had time to think and realized what I have done wrong and I have apologized for it. I have not begged for him back, just simply thought he would appreciate knowing I do realize what I have done wrong on my part. He never responds back but acts normal when we are at home together. We are trying not to change things too much for our son due to him having anxiety that we had been fighting. I’ve been reaching out to people for help because I don’t want my family to be completely broken and my girlfriend told me about you. I’ve read everything available to me between this website and her book and I planned on doing the NC unless emergency for our son. I am just not so sure how that would work well in my situation. My friend told me maybe to stay out of the house more often than normal? Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
Chris Seiter
October 16, 2015 at 2:19 am
Did you send this to me on Facebook?
Just curious?
zoey rose
October 3, 2015 at 4:25 pm
hey chris i need your help please. i had 3 years long distance relationship. everytime when we fight he says breakup or stuff than i use to cry i beg him to stay with me. but this is the first time he brokeup and i dint contact him once. he blocked me from whatsapp,facebook etc. but after he brokeup he unblocked me from fb within 2 wks. but i dint talked to him so why is that unblock? and than no message?
than after unblock its now 1 wk over means in total 3 wks are over but no contact.
than today i received gift from his side which he ordered infront of me when we were in contact..
so i texted him. ‘its beautiful and i really appreciate it but i find it difficult to accept this gift in current state of our relationship. can you please let me know where i can send you back this ring?
his reply within seconds: it was bought for you so its for you to decide if you wanna keep it or throw it, thank you for letting me know.
than i dint replied him back for the very first time.
so is he done with me or he will come back to me? NC session will be 4wks on this sunday.
please guide me up waiting
Kay
September 29, 2015 at 7:13 am
Chris……would all the same suggestions apply to an introverted ex boyfriend, who is also quite sensitive? I’m concerned of sending get wrong message. I want to get back together. Although yes I can see some areas he could work on, I see a lot of what I could and am willing to do differently given that he’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert. Things that I have learned since our breakup. What is my best approach. Do I let him know what I’ve learned, share from my heart, and that if he’d like to give this another chance to give me a call. Or implement the NC for 30 days and then slowly start to reach out to him?
Jo
October 17, 2015 at 9:07 pm
Kay
I have the same problem as you. It has been 2 months and he implemented no contact, however I sent him a big email last week – nothing too emotional, just stating changes I have made, what went wrong and what I needed from him. He got back to me within 2 hours and we met for lunch on Friday. We didn’t discuss the email but he helped me with a website. When he did email me back though he said it was comprehensive and needed some time to respond so I jokingly told him I’ll wait for his reply. We will see. I didn’t want to pressure him during our 1 hour together. Have you heard from yours?
Chris Seiter
October 18, 2015 at 6:33 pm
Ah sending him an email isn’t the right way to go about it. You have to show him with action that you’ve changed. Good job with no pressuring him. You should gradually build the relationship back up and don’t ask him where you stand. He should be wondering that not you.
Mon Chi-Chi
September 10, 2015 at 5:19 am
Hey Chris. I haven’t been on your site in a long time because I’ve been following your tips and they’ve been working! Well, mostly. I successfully did NC, got him to talk to me, we’ve been having great conversations. Without saying it, he seems like he misses me. We haven’t met face-to-face yet because of his schedule (he actually just told me that he’s been wanting to call me but he’s always working). But other than that, it’s like nothing’s really changed. Except…I have a feeling he’s putting up a barrier because he’s having life troubles. I’m being incredibly patient (and understanding), that’s actually my nature anyways. But I just want to know what the next step is. I’m putting up my own internal barrier because I don’t want to be hurt, which isn’t really like me, but I also feel like I’m giving off a buddy vibe. So we both have our own barriers up, and I want to lower mine and get him more comfortable to lower his. I’m not demanding anything of him, but I don’t want us to be stuck in this “game of emotional tag” for the next five years either out of fear on both parts. Hopefully this makes sense. I’m just wondering what’s next because nothing has gone wrong yet but nothing’s really moving forward either.
Chris Seiter
October 2, 2015 at 5:03 pm
I feel like YOU should try to spur things forward.
Sometimes you have to be the one to steer the ship.
Stephanie
September 7, 2015 at 1:49 pm
Hi Chris, I would really appreciate your insight on my situation! Would you recommend extending the 30 day NC rule if prior to going NC you accidentally bumped into your ex on the street and acted like you both didn’t see each other? I panicked and I think he was shocked to see me as well which led us to acting childish and looking away because prior to that we have had limited but good contact since the breakup which was a month before. I actually suggested 2 times during that previous month to meet up but the first time I cancelled and the second he said he couldn’t make it that day. When I saw him, I partly acted this way because I wanted to take back the power and have HIM start chasing me me now but as of 30 days after this incident on the street have passed and he hasn’t made any direct efforts at contacting me (although he has posted stuff on fb which I’m sure was intended to get a reaction out of me but I didn’t give in) I’m starting to think that perhaps he believes I hate him because I ignored him. Also, I know for a fact that he feels guilt after breaking up with me and I don’t want these feelings to stand in the way of us reestablishing some contact. Should I send a text just to let him know I’m okay or should I wait a little longer to see if he musters the courage to do so?
Angie
September 2, 2015 at 4:54 am
Hi Chris I know you’re busy but I really hope you respond. I have purchased and read your e-book and I have read most of your guides more than once. My boyfriend and I were together for almost 4 years. The first 3 years we had a great relationship and we lived in the same city. He left January 2015for college which is 6 hours away from me. We made it work for about 5 months but i noticed he changed, I think he’s being influenced by friends or family. Anyway he broke up with me this past July and I did NC for a month and started talking to him when NC ended. It went well at first but I’m having trouble keeping him interested and he always ends the conversation first. It got to the point where he takes hours to respond and even at that he says he’s going to sleep right away. I am sure we’re going to get back together eventually, I do see a future with him and I know I can get him back. I do plan on moving closer to him in 4 months. Do you think I should do NC again for a whole month? Or maybe just a few weeks? How can I possibly keep him interested and have control of the conversation? I followed the advice on your book but I still failed and I just wanna try again. Thanks in advance. I will not give up that easy 😉
Maria from Denmark
September 1, 2015 at 9:37 pm
Dear Chris,
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me in the end of May. We have been together since October 2011, a bit on and off, though everything was good since January 2014. I am 32 he is 33. I’ve tried the no contact rule for 30 days first time, but it did not work out. It was my fault. I got ill, i needed some help and as i do not have family in this country i contacted him on the 30th of June. I could feel he was unconformable with the situation, so we did not meet. On the 9th of July he had b-day and as i knew i was spending the evening alone i invited him for pizza in a neutral place. He refused, though. I’ve tried again the 30 days no contact rule (9th July to the 15th of August). Then i contacted him to get the rest of my stuff. He passed by, with my stuff and some cake he baked , invited himself in with the cake and seat at my sofa for more than two hours telling what he did this summer and speaking about good things we did together while we were together, bringing up some words/codes with a special meaning for us. He flirted in a discreetly way on the other side of the sofa, without coming too close. I did the same, as i did not wanted to scare him. On the next day i smsed him thanking him for the cake and the time we spend together. We wrote sms for two days, like when we were together. One week after, i contacted him again. We were on online the whole evening having a nice chat, speaking a lot about us, how nice and how much fun we had while we were together. As we had such a nice conversation on the day before i decided to call today and invite him to practice some golf on a future sunday. It was something we use to do together and had fun with. He said no. He said i misunderstood the cake and the conversation, as he was only being nice/friendly. He said he misses all we have, but does not feel the passion he wants to feel. He argued that i have to stop contact him, play hard to get, because he knows where i live and has my phone number, so if he wants to meet will contact me. Although he also said that i should live my life and not wait for him. I feel he is my better half. It feels like i not only lost my boyfriend, but also my best friend and my only family in this country. I do not know what else i can do. I would appreciate you feedback. Thank you in advance.
Best,
Maria
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:10 am
I think you are missing the point of the no contact rule.
Heck, the whole strategy as a whole. The no contact rule just kicks the strategy off.
Did you move him up the value chain at all?
Emily
August 29, 2015 at 9:11 pm
Hello Chris! First off, I just want to thank you for creating this website. It has been my savior! High-five to you and your wife 🙂 So here is my current situation: My ex and I are in a LDR (well, 60 miles apart). We were together for one year. We broke up in June because we started arguing a lot due to stress of finals, college graduation, and not knowing where our jobs were going to place us. Naturally, I begged and pleaded and blew up his phone for a sold 3 weeks. After awhile, he just started ignoring me completely. Then, I came across your website! I successfully did the 30 day NCR. I followed the “How to text your ex” guide and boom! Scored a date with my ex 🙂 We have been talking for almost a month now, but deep down I feel like he isn’t into me anymore. I try to make it known how grateful I am that we are working things out and how great he is, however he has yet to tell me anything that makes me think he is happy about our situation. He never seems excited when we text-we still live 60 miles apart- and sometimes takes hours to text me back, with no explanation why. We did talk the other night-in person- and when I asked him if he was happy or wanted to stop talking again he told me “He was fine and to stop over thinking”. I can’t fight off my gut feeling though that he is not interested in me anymore and is just talking to me to be nice. My question is: should I back off and end things, or should I try getting him to chase me again?
Emily
August 31, 2015 at 8:28 pm
The distance is hard. I’ll share a secret with you-we met on Tinder (hahaha!) but hey, we made it work for a year 🙂 That being said, I have a cabin like 10 miles away from where he lives, hence how we matched on Tinder. I worked extra hours all last school year so I could save up enough money to not have to work this summer because our plan was that I would come stay at the cabin for 3 months so we could actually be a “normal” couple. But like I said, we ended up breaking up. We haven’t talked about moving closer to each other because we have only been talking for a month. Right before we broke up, we did get into an argument and he told me he was breaking up with me because he might be moving to Salt Lake City for his job and he didn’t see a future with me. I asked him, while in hysterics, if I could please move with him. He told me no..I honestly feel like all that was said because we were fighting and stressed out and I was giving him zero space. But maybe I’m just in denial? Should I bring up moving closer together at some point?
I want nothing more than to feel like I have some power back in the relationship-I feel more secure that way so I will definitely try that 🙂 Thanks again for all your help, Chris!
Chris Seiter
August 30, 2015 at 4:28 pm
Thanks for the compliments! It sounds like the distance could be the problem here. Do you have a plan to move closer to each other?
You will have to regain the power in the relationship. Don’t text him until he texts you (not all the time you have to initiate sometimes). End conversations first leave him wanting more. When you go on a date do something really fun and physical.
Sen
August 23, 2015 at 9:13 am
Hey chris.
I really appreciate what you are doing.
I texted with name S but I saw someone else with this name only. So I just changed it. I am very stressed. We had a ldr of 5 years, he then shifted to other place , things should not have changed:( because we always had ldr. He just broke up in January. But I just cried like anything, my friends spoke to him but he did not understand my situation. According to me his new friend circle includes the ppl who recently broke up and were happy, they might have told him to do so. And most of them are girls, so he does not understand my pain Because we had a lot of fights after he went there. But he should not have done that :'(
Then I begged him cried a lot. All messed created. Then for 10 days I did NC. He came back to me begging, but as it was LD it could not be done right way. I screwed up again, all those crying section meanwhile I moved to his place so we met a lot, it was good, but then I had to come back to my home town, initially it was good, he was showing love and care but it happens the same way again, ld sucks :'(.
He could not handle job pressure plus me. I screwed up again, that don’t do it again to me don’t leave me. He loves me a lot, but he wants me to be mature , less crying session, more understanding. But I am just not able to handle it due to distance. And I can’t even let him go I love him:'(.
I am on NC now. But I have lost all hope now because he came back to me and I did not handle properly so he’s all his mind set, that we are not made for each other, we fight so much :'(. He does not understand that he does not put in effort as much as I do, that is why it is not working now. We had done it beautifully for 5 years before 🙁
Please please help me.
Sen
September 17, 2015 at 2:30 am
Sent him a “do you remember text”.
He did not reply. 🙁
All hope lost.
And I understand how busy you are, so just hoping to get a reply from you soon
🙁
Sen
September 13, 2015 at 8:13 pm
Also he blocked me after 4-5 days of unblocking. I guess he was expecting me to text and me being on NC did not do that and that made him more angrier. As I did not feed his ego;)
I think he is angry that I did wrong and then I am the one who is showing ego :/
Or he actually means it that he got so angry this time that he does not want to hear from me again in life. What is he thinking.
You know more about it right?
And hey! I really apologise to bother you with so many texts. Don’t consider me as text knat 😀
Really need a piece of advice to move further. See what i am thinking is I should again do 30 days NC. as that friend called him, he has already in his my mind that I am still crying for him( which I am not :)). I am sad but coping with. I actually did not take any move but ppl spoiled it for me 🙁 Bad luck I suppose!!.
Sen
September 13, 2015 at 6:37 am
Hi Chris!
I did 33 days NC, and I dunno why things are going so miserable, one of my friends called him without even asking me. And my friend said to him that you guys should give it a try. I don’t know even after a month he is so angry. He said so hurtful words. He said that he has moved on and also he thought that I have also moved on. He asked that friend to give me message that “even if he would die he won’t call me”.
I don’t have any clue.
My friend told me that may be he was expecting me to call, because it’s been so many days. And he is frustrated that I did not call. That is why he said all this to hurt me,, so that I would call him.
What to do:(
My friends are making my life more miserable unknowingly :'(
Can you please tell me what to do next?
I did not contact him.
Should I do NC again?
How many days?
Should I move on?
Please I need your frank advice. This can’t go on forever. Why is he trying to hurt me.
I know you are very busy Chris! But please
A last piece of advice would save me.
I am feeling very low.
I want to hear your advice
Try or move on!
Please 🙁
Sen
September 2, 2015 at 3:31 pm
Hii Chris!
I just wanted to say that you are seriously an angel to me. This no contact rule is helping me to get back to my life again. I am feeling alive. Past 7 months were literally hell for me. And I am actually feeling good about myself. I noticed one thing that this begging, crying thingee just makes things worse. I felt so bad about myself. I tell myself everyday, that even if he does not come back, I can live my life because I am strong and confident, although I feel broken sometimes,but then I read your articles, and boom! I feel good again.
I want to know one thing that, as my crying session went a way too long, I want more time for myself and want to do 45 days NC, its hard but its for the best i guess, but what if, it comes out as a negative approach, what if it decreases my chances, what do you suggest?
Please lemme know.
Thank you!
Seriously, even if It does not go my way, you are a saviour!!
🙂
sen
September 1, 2015 at 3:17 pm
hi chris!
you might be busy,i understand,
and i lost myself in between but i am strong and dedicated again.
i just wanted to say that i am doing what is asked.
uploading photos, showing him that i am happy, i am on nc 21st day
and he has unblocked me from watsap, but did not try to make any contact.
as much as i know him he will not do that, but has unblocked me.
is it a good sign?
what do you suggest?
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:18 am
That he unblocked you?
Heck ya!
Sen
August 29, 2015 at 7:00 am
Please reply :'(
What to do.
Should I accept that he’s gone. It’s so hard.
Everything is falling apart :'(
sen
August 27, 2015 at 6:23 pm
hi chris!
is there possible to talk to you online?
gmail or something?
please
i am so broken inside.
i did not know that one of my friends texted him4 days ago, and told him i am not doing fine :'(
even though he did not contact me, it means he is happy like this.
i was getting a little hope that he might be missing me, but he is not.
he is going out with friends, enjoying his life, i am dying inside.
what to do :'(
i feel like dying please help
i told him that time, when i last talked to him that i feel like dying, so he told my friend, that everything was okay to me, talking to her everyday was also fine, but i can’t take this thing(that i feel like dying) he said this is like torture , also she used to text me a lot and really annoyed me.
:'(
he is not missing me, he has saved those msgs and hating me even more.
i cant take this.
i dunno where to go.
i am spoiled, my studies and everything.
i can’t sleep,can’t eat.
and this thing, that my friend told me
i am just not able to take it.
please tell me what to do.
Sen
August 27, 2015 at 2:23 am
Thank you for your time Chris 🙂
I am following the guide, went through all the articles and most of the comments.
But to be specific I don’t know what could be the possible move after NC because I think I have lost all of it this time.
Also I think he is not going to contact me, even if he miss me.
The case you told us that you missed your gf but you knew that going back would not be good for you. He is at the same stage, trying to be practical.
This is the first time in 8 months, I have not bothered him for this long, otherwise we were in contact somehow.
We both are short tempered, the difference is, whatever he does I never give up, he did!
We both have same nature, we react theyou.ve way to things, possessiveness, clingyness and everything.
The thing is he has gone for the job there, so he is busy, he keeps himself so busy that he does not get time to react to the situation, and ofcourse ego, that is important to him more than anyting in the world and I am still preparing at home, so feel bad about it all the time.
I wish I had visited your website before messing up this much :'(
I am not able to put any logic now, if you could tell me what to do next 🙁
Please
Thank you
sen
August 26, 2015 at 10:30 am
hii chris!
i am really worried, as i went through the comments, i am seeing no hope of him coming back, as i told you he broke up in january and came back begging in may, for the 5 months in between, i was continously begging,crying and every psbl bad move 🙁
when he came back, although i had not seen your site at that time but all these baby steps, jealousy factor, him texting first, chasing all that have already happened but i lost patience in between, which he was dealing with somehow, but i really really screwed up this time i guess, i was kind of doing all bad things, forcing things, expecting a lot.
do you still see any chances of getting him back?
it’s 16th day, he has not unblocked me yet, has not made any move yet :'(
please tell me should i accept that he is gone :'(
do you see any chances?
thank you!
Chris Seiter
August 26, 2015 at 10:38 pm
I’m not sure what your chances are in this situation because I don’t know him personally but do your best to follow the guide and that will give you your best chance at getting him back.
Sen
August 25, 2015 at 8:09 am
Thanks for the reply Chris!
It’s my 15th day today, I am dying to talk to him :'( but I won’t BC I really want him back. He is the only person, I have dreamt of everything in my life.one more thing I want to tell you, we both are 22 now and it was our first relation so may be BC of immaturity we could not handle it properly. But I want to restart it with a strong base so that it does not hppen in future. And also he is emotional in my case, but he has a high ego. It was me mostly who used to call him after fight, he never had a fear of loosing me, he always knew I will be dere no matter what, and we both were little clingy, but after going there, I started taking things casually which I could not take in, like he going movie alone with her friend(girl obviously). These kind of things started happening, as it was ldr , once I went there, he wanted me to meet all his friends so that I won’t be jealous, and won’t fight. But he stooped calling me, wanted his space and ol that. But when I go with my friends he become a crazy one like before, so he said that is why our relationship should come to end, we don’t behave like norml ppl when it comes to each other.
This time he was very much angry I don’t think he will come back.:'(
And we met a week before the last fight, as norml ppl because he told me he can’t be in a relation as if now but he was holding my hand and I was resisting so that he could feel that I am doing fine without him but after coming home, I was not feeling good about all that happend and I cried a lot so again he got iritated,
also last time I talked to him he was yelling and he also said nothing is left now, why are you calling. so out of anger I blocked him from watsap,that I guess he could not realise for 4-5 days, after that he also blocked me frm wastsap.
Please I can’t think of anything.
Tell me something about a game plan
I will do this 30 day nc, in fact I was thinking to take it to 45 , its very hard but as he was so angry this time.
I don’t think he is going to unblock me.
We both behave like jerk sometimes 🙁
What should be the next step after NC and is 30 day NC fine or I should go for 45 days NC
Please tell
Thank you.
Chris Seiter
August 24, 2015 at 6:29 pm
Try no contact for longer this time. 30 days unless he begs you back again. You will have to try to figure out a way to not break up next time.
S
August 22, 2015 at 11:35 am
your site is really giving hope to me, that i will get him back. i have a question, the feeling that he left me once, is a big torture. it haunts me that even if i get him back, does that assure that he wont do it again, if after 5 years of togetherness he got gutts to leave me just like that, i don’t believe him anymore, but also i love hime like anything and will do best possible to get him back. But this LDR..:( make thinks more worse.
i really need help. it is driving me crazy :'(
why the hell i love him so much, and why he just messed up everything.
S
August 22, 2015 at 10:23 am
hi,
i am a little bit nervous to write, but i am hopeless. he left me, we had a long distance relationship of five years, now he left me. and the reason i see is, we did not get time to talk, and he found new people to talk, so he just ended it up, badly.
i read above what you have written. i did exactly, i begged him, cried , texted him to infinity, so he got so angry that he stopped even replying. he was talking to me as i was so hurt, he wanted me to cope with. but now he is so irritated that i cry so much. he just stopped, it’s been 20 days, there is no contact.i am so hopeless. i feel like dying some days. he took all of me. i dont love myself. what should i do. i love him. and i just cant take it.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 6:46 pm
You need to rebuild your confidence. Dont cry infront of him anymore.
First post ever. Please, help me!
August 21, 2015 at 4:24 pm
Hi, Chris!!
You might not believe me, but this is the very first time that I’ve posted on things like these (relationship related stuff). So yep, I’ve been looking at your site for a while and a lot of your posts made me feel better and hopeful.
Here’s my story. My ex bf and I (relationship lasted for 1 year and six months) broke up last month. Before the breakup, we agreed to have some space between us for some thinking. We were in a LDR. Before the relationship started, we’ve been such great friends with each other. Best friends to be exact. He confessed first, then yeah, that’s where the relationship started. He broke up with me simply because of the reason that he doesn’t want a LDR anymore. The fact that we sometimes both frustrated with how stressful it could be became a factor. He is still in college (and I am now working) and he said that it would have been better to handle things if only we were much closer…. He told me that maybe, once we’re closer in terms of distance, we could give in another try but he said it’s still not guaranteed (because things between us while we are away could happen, which is a fact). He told me he did not lose feelings for me, that he didn’t ask for a breakup just so he could meet new girls and have sex etc (I know it’s crazy, but I did ask him if he will be looking for a new gf soon or at least try to involve himself with someone until something sparks up — he said he isn’t looking for one at the moment but his fave line of “whatever happens happen” always appear), he also said he’s very attracted to me, and that he knows it too well that he and I have a great chemistry. It’s just that with he just can’t do it in LDR anymore. Today, we still talk. He begged to still be friends with me even if he knows how I might end up hating him for the breakup, and admitted that no matter what happens, I will always be important to him. Right now, he labels us as best friends. I agreed that we should keep our friendship intact since we’re each other’s best friends. Yes, after the breakup, we didn’t cut our communication. We ended up being friends. Do you think NC will also work? It’s been a month now yet we still talk everyday, though there were some days when I acted cold towards him. He even got mad when I didn’t respond to his texts. He also said he sort of felt uncomfortable because he had a feeling that a part of me doesn’t like him anymore (he was referring to my cold days). What can you share about my situation? Please, help me. I admit I love him with all my heart, and my gut says he still loves me and we will be back together despite whatever we may face during the relationship separation. I have accepted the breakup, that this is my fate. I told myself to move on and let go of the pain…but still, I still believe that you can never say no to love. I still hope for us.
I am looking forward to your response. I will be very happy if you will!
By the way, have I told you that I admire you for making something like this? It helps a lot of broken relationships that ended up too quickly be rekindled again. This is why I was so eager to leave a message here. I have this feeling that you will be such a huge help to my dilemma right now. Thank you so much!!
Chris Seiter
September 1, 2015 at 9:17 pm
Read the post on LDR’s. It will help you.
First post ever. Please, help me!
August 21, 2015 at 4:45 pm
I forgot to add that after the breakup, he’s always the one who initiates the conversation. There are times when we won’t talk for a day, but before the day ends, I will suddenly receive a message from him on WhatsApp. It would either be “How are you?” (and something close to the hi-hello thing) or mention about something like the new book he is reading/what he just discovered/etc. He even updates me about his day even if I don’t ask it. He’s usually the one who ask for updates from me, he also ask how I’ve been doing these days. He even asked if he was ever mean to me during our relationship and if he ever blamed me. I responder calmly at first, but I ended up being a little emotional, telling him that it’s his lost then said goodnight after. He told me he felt annoyed when I said those stuff to him, especially when he is my best friend. He confessed that is sure was his lost and he is fully aware of that since it’s his decision in the first place. He added that it pissed him off because he didn’t completely leave me, seeing as we are best friends now. He told me to just try to move on if we want us to still be in good terms with each other. I apologized, not wanting to start more trouble between us. I figured that ruining our friendship more will just destroy whatever we have, even as friends. What do you think? Should I still try the NC and see what follows through (along with following your steps)?
Please, help meeeee! I don’t feel too depressed, to be honest. But there are times that I feel very sad. I am doing my best to better myself these days… But I won’t deny that I still love him and want him back (not because I am afraid to be single or I am lonely… I just really do love him truly). In all honesty, I believe his feelings are still there for me… And the possibility of us getting back together is something that could happen.
Looking forward to your response! Thank you very much. (Apologies for any typos/etc <3)
Chris Seiter
September 1, 2015 at 9:16 pm
Is he trying to be your friend or get back with you?
skeena
August 16, 2015 at 8:31 am
hi chris!
My ex Already have a girlfriend they’re in a long distance relationship. But before his girlfriend left we constantly go out on movies (he invites me) he hold my hands and kisses me until now. the reason why we broke up is because i proceed to medschool. He told me that he doesn’t want me giving little time for him and so she chose the other girl over me but he told me he loves me more than the girl. he wanted me to hold on That i should wait for him because because he’s into something. Yesterday night he invited me to watch movie and we ate after. On our way home he told me that he wants us to be just friends (with benefits) because he doesn’t love me anymore. I told him okay but i will not be his friend with benefits and we we’re silent but he holds my hand.
Do you think we still have a chance to get back and choose me this time over the girl? How do i make him realize and remember his promises?
His girlfriend gives him expensive gifts and money, is that too a factor?
melissa
August 7, 2015 at 2:38 am
Hi Chris,
I dunno what to do. it’s sad how it ended, We dated for a month, i know maybe it’s nothing but it was my first boyfriend and I’m 23. I just wanted to keep it on a good note. and I ended up texting him so much he said that he’s only answering me because he is nice, and that i can’t stop talking about anything with him. We met during a trip and then we split to our countries. it was supposed we were going to keep in touch, but as he was fading away I asked him what was going on, at first he said nothing but then he said he was dating someone new on his country (after a few weeks of going baack) and when he go back we were still texting as a couple until he started ghosting. so i deleted him from facebook. then we had a fight, he said i’ve been acting crzy, textin him a lot, and when i said why can’t u tell it’s over and u don’t want to do anything else with me and he said it’s not that, it’s just that we are apart and that he is seeing someone now. but at end i texted him a lot that he ended up saying that i should stop texting him cuz it was really botherin him. how can i make him reconsider me as a friend?
Melissa
August 25, 2015 at 9:32 pm
we are 24, but i’m waiting to finish my degree. I’d like to visit his city anyway. but even a friendship seems impossible? i don’t know why out of the blue he said it was impoible to keep in touch but he never meant a relationsjhip.
melissa
August 14, 2015 at 6:05 am
I want a relationship but he lives in a different country
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 3:39 pm
Your chances in this type of situation are a bit low. The only way to make it work is to have a plan to move closer to each other… If you are young or dont have the means that could be impossible.
Chris Seiter
August 13, 2015 at 12:47 pm
Do you want him to be your friend or do you want to be in a relationship with him?
please help :(
June 12, 2015 at 11:04 pm
Hey Chris,
So I’ve been readin quite a few of the articles you’ve posted and I’m kinda stumped when it comes to my situation. I’ve read other comments to see if anyone relates but I haven’t found any similar situations :(. So…my ex boyfriend and I were together for about 4 1/2 years when he suddenly sat down with me one day and told me he wasn’t “sure” about me when it comes to marriage and the future. I was the one who originally brought up marriage and stuff (even though im 20 and hes 23) I didn’t think it was bad to bring it up. And we’ve talked about marriage before and he was okay with it and talked with me about it too. Anyways, we stayed together for about 2 weeks after he told me that he was unsure about me but he ended up breaking up with me anyways. After we broke up, before I found this site, I called him twice and texted him twice in the same week…although he answered my phone calls he didn’t reply to my texts. After that we stopped talking for about a month and didn’t see each other at school either. Then I got into contact with him again and things were okay between us . During thetime that we diddidn’t talk I did some self assessment and decided to improve myself for the better. During our past relationship I developed clingy habits and was insecure, I also feel that I asked too much of him sometimes, I would ask him to do things and didn’t just let him take me out or ask me to see him on his own. I let him know this stuff and he heard me out but he wasn’t giving me a second chance at being together or possibly trying to be together. And he told me the stuff that I did that he didn’t like (which was mainly the clingy habit and how it seemed I wanted to get married right away). But I let him know I’m just looking for us to be together and see how it goes, if marriage comes up cool but if not…we’ll see what happens. We broke up in August then started talking again in late September, in October we were alone at his house because he had to get something from there for his mom (we had started hanging out again at this point) and we ended up having sex and he told me he missed me and he really wanted me. We had sex several times throught the past few months as well. But in November I was suspicious that he was “talking” to someone else and I got the opportunity to look at his laptop (I had a problem with some invasion of privacy). I found out they weren’t “talking” because she was uninterested but he clearly said cute little things to her and talked to her about personal things…I was even mentioned in a conversation and all he said was “she was SUPER clingy btw”. That hurt really bad and I admitted to him I saw their messages and he explained that he stopped talking to her like that and that he talked to her like that because he didn’t have me to talk to after we first broke up (which is when those messages were from). And I believed him, but he likes making me feel jealous sometimes by teasing me about girls (anime gurls, video game girls, and her) because he said it’s funny. And we get along very well because we were close friends for a year before we got together. We’ve talked several times over the past few months about our relationship and at first he said “you haven’t changed” (he refurs to my clingy and emotional habits) then he said “I don’t get a fresh start” (which I proved to him isn’t true). Then more recebtly he told me “the only reason I’m not with you is because I’m unsure about stuff, and why do I have to worry about picking between you or anyone else right now? You only gave me a month too” (only a month with no contact and to kinda figure out stuff). And I know he likes talking and seeing me, the no contact rule wasalready done in the beginning so I’m thinking that maybe not physically seeing each other for awhile would get him to miss me. But I ultimately am not sure what to think about what he’s telling me. I understand he doesn’t want a relationship right now and he’s told me he doesn’t wanna be with me right now but idk how to sneakily get him to miss me and hopefully get back together in time. It’s almost been a year since we broke up and it sucks so much because he admitted I am his best friend and although he has feelings for me it isnt enough to get back together with me right now. And I am willing to give this thing quite a bit of time. He said he wants me to “move on” (not see other people but just not worry about him a lot) but I really wanna give our relationship another shot. He said he doesn’t know about us being together but he doesn’t wanna say he never wants to be with me again because he doesn’t know. He also told me that it gets annoying when I bring up us being together a lot and I’ve stopped doing that but idk if he’ll notice. So I really don’t know how to go about being with him again while also not annoying him about anything and getting him to think about our relationship and not stress about marriage right now. I really need help 🙁 I know I can make him happy and he makes me happy…I just ddon’t know what to do.
please help :(
June 12, 2015 at 11:25 pm
Oh and we do talk on the phone, text good, and see each other quote often. Our core relationship (the best friend qualities, comfortableness, honesty, trust, ect.) are there it’s just our romantic relationship that needs help :(. Something that i forgot to mention is that we went to a wedding with our friends 2 months ago and while we were at the wedding I hoped he would ask me to dance or I would get the courage to ask him to dance. While at the reception I didnt talk to him much but we danced with our group of friends. I felt kind of sad and was gonna share how I felt when he was going to drop me off at my house. But while we were in the car together alone he was so angry at me, he asked me if one of our friends had touched me anywhere I didn’t want to be touched…I was confused because our friend never touched me while we danced. Then he said “why else would you have not talked to me and given me the cold shoulder? I was thinking you wanted to dance with me too but you looked like you didn’t even want to talk to me”. After he said that I tried explaining to him but he didn’t believe me about our friend not touching me…then he added “why am I even jealous anyways? You’re not my girlfriend so why?” Then I told him he’s running away from his feelings and he retorted back “Maybe if we didn’t see each other I wouldn’t be jealous, and the solution to this isn’t me just going and getting back with you” but we resolved the situation and all was well…but idk, it was weird/interesting to see that happen. And he talks about how if we were to get married he wouldn’t want to get a divorce…he says that I think mainly because his parents got divorced. Furthermore he mentions how he hates to argue…but he has the problem with continuing and argument with me or his family members…and I try my best to be good and peacful whenever an argument might happen. Other than that a lot of friends have advised just giving him more physical space. He said he doesn’t want to stress about it but it’s not like he won’t think about us…I hope.
Nicole
June 4, 2015 at 2:13 pm
Hi. My boyfriend and I were highschool classmates and are in the same group of friends. After we graduated we started to become more than friends and we’ve been together for a year and a half now. We never fight but we have misunderstandings but worked it out and we become happy together again. I could say that I’ve been the emotionally unstable one and he’s always been so forgiving and I always made sure that I made up for everything. Lately our lives have been more busy and stressful. last week we both had a bad day and then he said something that made me mad, then he got mad too. The next day I tried to make up with him but he said that he wanted to break up. I persistently tried making up with him then he said that he just wants a “cool off”. I was not mentally prepared for what was happening. We have such a beautiful relationship and I was so used to him chasing me. for about three days after that I chased him, hoping that he’d take back the cool off thing. That we’d make up immediately, like before. But he said it himself that I made it worse by chasing him. It’s been 2 days without contacting him. But we hung out yesterday with our friends and I played I decided that I should keep my cool and have fun. I think he noticed it and he started to send mixed signals like putting his arm around my shoulder but then talks about having other women, pulling me in for a long and tight hug but then talks about how love is so stupid, etc. so we all started to watch a movie and he sat next to me like he wants to cuddle. still trying to keep my cool, I eventually gave in. I thought we were okay already. That he finally misses me. I started to kiss him. Then he pulled away, like nothing happened and I know I’ve lost the battle. How can I recover from this? I’m still keeping up the no contact thing and read a lot of useful stuff from this article. I just have so many questions. like how are we right now? what does he think about me now? how can i recover from all the chasing i did? what could be the best way to react when he starts to send mixed signals again?