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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Hannah
June 13, 2014 at 9:43 pm
My ex and I have been broken up for the past 3 months after a 3 month relationship. We met through mutual friends at a party and we instantly hit it off. After a month of so of Snapchatting each other, he finally asked for my number and we started texting. We got together this past January and were together until March. We were so happy during this time. He broke up with me seemingly out of the blue at the end of finals week saying we lost our spark, he needed space, and didn’t see it working out in the future. I was absolutely devastated as I did not see it coming. The next couple days after the breakup, he was really sweet in coming over to talk to me about it and let me cry into his chest. Then I left for home for spring break and allowed us some time apart. I did not contact him at all during this time. When I got home from spring break, I asked him to hang out and he agreed. When we did though, he was hot and cold with me. He was willingly to talk, but by the end of the night it seemed like he wanted nothing to do with me. After that point, I stopped all contact with him. Then in mid April, he texted me out of the blue asking if I wanted to join him going downtown to the bars. I agreed, but later towards the end of the night, he bailed on me saying he couldn’t make it anymore. I did not contact him again after that night. Later that month, he asked me what I was doing one evening and asked if I wanted to come hang out and go for a drive to pick up his roommate’s sister with him. I agreed, but the drive ended up not happening. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but didn’t and I ended up leaving before the night got too late. I was really confused about the night and text him a couple weeks later asking to talk. I chickened out and ended up cancelling our meetup, but a couple days later, he asks me to join him for dinner. We talk but don’t say what I want to say. Again, he acts hot and cold towards me. Later that week, we randomly run into each other at the gym and he seems to be flirting with me, following me around during my workout. We don’t text or see each other from that point on, but this past week in June, I get a random text from him with a question that could easily have been answered by one of his own friends. I respond, but then the conversation comes to an end. A few days later, I drunk text him asking to hangout that weekend. He responds saying he can’t because he has to study for finals. I waited about a week and texted him asking if he knew of any mechanics to work on my car.
What do you think are my chances of getting back my ex? It’s been 3 months and we have been sporadically texting each other and occasionally seeing each other. Do you think he still has feelings for me? And I have made any missteps in texting/contacting him?
Your advice would be of great help!
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:14 pm
What have you tried so far? NC? Anything on this guide?
Hannah
June 17, 2014 at 11:46 pm
I did NC for about 21 days with him and he eventually contacted me asking to come over to his place to chat. Nothing happened, we just made small talk and I then left…though I feel like he may have had something to say to me, not sure though. All contact with him then dropped to zero. This past Friday, I sent him a text asking him about a car mechanic to see if I could engage him in a conversation. He responded two hours later. Then, I asked him if we could hang out and he said we could this coming Wednesday. It has been 3 months since we’ve been broken up. Should I take his initiation of contact as a sign of interest or mixed feelings as his communication is very sporadic with me?
Hannah
June 13, 2014 at 7:22 pm
Hi Chris
I’ve been in an LDR for 2 years, him in Mexico me in the UK. So far it’s worked amazingly, we had the strongest relationship and were just a few months away from finally moving to the same country. We then both got offered a job in the USA- me for 3 months, him for a year. So he moved in February, I have just arrived. In April I went to visit him and when I got back he broke up with me. Said he just needs to be alone right now, has a lot going on in America and wants to be single and hang out with other girls. He said I love you, I just need this space for a while. I honestly just feel like he’s got all carried away with this exciting new life in America.
So anyway, for about a month we were talking, not talking, up and down. To be honest I was far too clingy and kept begging him to see sense. I then didn’t message him for a week and then found messages to another girl and I told him never to talk to me ever again, and all of a sudden he messaged me like I’m so sorry I love you I want to spend my life with you sorry for being confused etc. So for 2 weeks things were great, we Skyped, he said he missed me and I looked beautiful. Then all of a sudden he just went cold again. I decided not to message him and so we didn’t speak for 13 days. I deleted him off Facebook and Snapchat so that I can not think about him for a while. I would have down NC earlier if I had found your site.
So I arrived in America on Tuesday, and on Wednesday bumped into him. I went round his and he made me lunch and then started telling me how good it was to see me and asking after my family. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me but just felt it was the wrong time with him being in America. We ended up falling asleep, and when we woke up he kissed me. I told him I didn’t understand. Then he tried to do more with me and I stopped him and said no I won’t be your fuck buddy, and he just said that’s not what I want, so I said well if you love me you’ll work this out. And left.
I hadn’t heard from him and then this morning a mutual friend told me he’d been sleeping around a lot since we broke up and so I immediately messaged him like we need to talk can I come over later. Was going to say to him I want to hang out with you this summer and date again but only if you stop sleeping with other girls. Is this too pushy? Im only here for 10 weeks and so don’t have time to enforce a 30 day NC.
I’m scared he doesn’t care anymore, scared he’s so carried away with this ‘new life’ and all these new girls around him he’s not even noticing I’m gone. He acts like that, posts loads of pictures on Facebook with other girls, having a great time. It just feels like this break up hasn’t affected him at all.
He was always the one more keen on the relationship, always chasing me, and I just want that back. I’ve read your ungettable girl and how to make a man chase you. I want to hang out with him but in a big group and show him my personality again, try and be that ungettable girl, but I’m scared I’m letting him walk all over me, also scared that wanting to hang out with him will only drive him away.
Just 2/3 weeks ago he was telling me he loved me and saw his future with me, so confused as to how a person can change so quickly.
I just want him back. What should I do?
I keep thinking to re add him on Facebook so I can implement the jealousy tactics you talked about but don’t really want to re add if I have to move on and get over him…
Please help! Thanks š
admin
June 15, 2014 at 4:12 pm
Have you two ever had a plan in place to be with each other permanently.
Hannah
June 15, 2014 at 9:46 pm
Hey. Yeah I have to finish studying and then in may next year we planned on moving to the same country.
Just an update he came over last night and I told him I knew he’s been sleeping around and couldn’t be hurt like this anymore. He said to me that I was the love of his life, that he needed the break purely because we were getting close to a huge commitment of moving countries and he needed to step back to be sure it was the right thing. I just said that didn’t mean he had to hurt me and sleep around. He said this has made him realise how much he loves me, how much he wants to be with me but is scared nothing will be the same again now. I just said if you really loved me you’d do everything in your power to regain my trust. I haven’t heard from him today.
Hannah
June 16, 2014 at 6:45 pm
Just another update. So since this happened he hasn’t contacted me. I’ve gone back to feeling like he doesn’t want me. Should I try NC for a while?! I’m limited on time š or should I try hanging out in a big group of friends with him as well so that he can see what he’s missing?
Hannah
June 21, 2014 at 1:15 pm
Ahh Chris please help. So all of this happened last Saturday- a week ago. He has text me twice since, of which both times I just replied a simple text and then left it. Should I completely ignore him? I’m really scared he just thinks there’s no point in trying because I won’t have him back.
I’m trying so hard to move on and tell myself tht I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. But I just know deep down he does…
Please help!
TasaDule
June 12, 2014 at 11:21 pm
Hi im from Serbia , and im sorry for my English but i need help relay fast.
One of my friends not very good had something with this boy.They were having everything but only not relationship it was like only sex , and he liked her but her behavior made him leave all that . Now when he was still doing that he saw me an started becoming friends with me . Later he finished everythig with her and he started telling me that im most beautiful girl in the world. And he was before me hurt very uch by someone and till then he didnt have any relationships .So we have a common friend very good to bouth of us , and he told her rhat he realy wants to be in a relationship with me. And he wanted to settle down. I didnt wanned that becouse my “friend” and i rejected him. But .. we went to 2 dates , and on our friends birthday I got drunk and he didnt like me that way he imagined me in his head like some perfect girl. And we talked and talked until we kissed and next day he told me he wasnt a gay for that for relationship. Later we talked again and he one night got drunk it he told all of his friend that im his gf we were nightclubing together and later we had sex. Next day he coudn remember what he said becouse he drank a lot. He told me that im the perfect girl that he just isnt ready for relatuionship. When i told him i had a crush on him he told me the same thing.. and we just kept doing that… for few months.. we waned to take it slow into relationship , and than je told me that he doesnt want me to get hurt becouse of his actions , he was most cirtain that he wanned a relationship a day he asked me and when i rejected him he said in his head all same stuuf back in.. And nw i thin that im in love with him. He is so jelous of other man that like me.. But still he isnt ready.. we have conflicts all the time becouse of my jelousy and his.. Once i told him that this is over and he was realy mad he slept with my “friend ” again and he hoped that i will find out and get mad. Then he texted and we got on the same path.. He is a realy good guy belive me not jerk … i know him.. but there is something hapenin in his mind.. What can i do please help me i relay realy love hime .. And its hurting me that he likes pics of other girls……… thats what he told me that he doesent wants me to get hurt becouse im nice… until hes ready that we be friends.. but i cant be friend with him how can i make him.. want a relationship belive me i tryed everything!!!!!!!!
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:48 pm
It could be possible he is just liking those pics to get a rise out of you.
TasaDule
June 17, 2014 at 11:14 pm
But what can i do to make him want relationship?
TasaDule
June 12, 2014 at 11:28 pm
and he told me that when hw has a gf he doesnt want anyother girl to chat or like photos or anything else .. he we stoped now but we just kiss everyone thinks that we are together… and last week i keep texing him he answers all the time but im the one doing everything..and he told me becouse of my chanege of emotions he want friend but he isnt having anything with other girls and same with me … ?how can i make him to chase me to get him back to be in a relationship????
Kelly
June 12, 2014 at 9:31 pm
Hello again! I’ve been progressing a lot but the main problem I’m having now is with chase theory.
I’ve been talking to my ex and keeping it casual and fun, talking about things we both like and asking about his life and telling him funny stories from mine and he’s always super friendly. Like I’ve said before if it wasn’t my ex I would think he was flirting with me, but since it is my ex I’m more skeptical. The problem is he just started a new job so he’s terrible at texting back. He’ll always respond to my first text, but it’s always hours later or sometimes even a day later, and the conversations are never that long because by the time he answers other things have happened in my life etc. This would be a bad sign except how friendly/flirty he is when he answers. You might not remember but I tried to get him back once before and he wasn’t this receptive of me last time.
Anyway my question is how can I get him to chase me when his texts are this spaced out? Should I just focus on being a fun person to talk to when he has a few minutes of down time or should I start getting to the more emotional texts soon?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:44 pm
Hmm… You will have to hook him in with an intriguing txt and probably end the conversation first.
nama
June 11, 2014 at 9:27 pm
hello chris. im really impressed by your work.
my boyfriend and I broke up last year August. It was tough on me because I didn’t see that coming. His reason was he wanted to live a consecrated life and be religious and can’t b in a relationship or fornicate.
I became a txt gnat. n tried everything which didn’t help. I tried the mo contact but couldn’t finish. We later became friends but it was difficult for me. We started making out from time to time.
During Christmas I did the no contact. He started chasing.i became impatient after the the NC and it didn’t help. We started making out again which didn’t help.
till a month ago we started being friends with benefit. he becomes cold after somtimes. because I knw he want to live a consecrated life but can’t resist me.. He ended the friends with benefits and asked we being just friends just last week. I’ve been all over him and he has been avoiding me. till I read this.
Chris do I start the NC now?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:10 pm
I think it would be a good idea yes.
Taryn
June 9, 2014 at 12:21 pm
Hi Chris,
Hope all is well. So I just reread this article. Chase Theory. To refresh my mind. I’m glad I did. I can see what I did 2 weeks ago that could have been better.
The day that Ryan texted himself, all on his own, I miss judged when it was a good time to end the conversation. It’s interesting because, I could tell when I should have ended it. But missed the opportunity by continuing. So he got bored and didn’t text back after I responded. I should have left a cliffhanger. I’ll remember to just go for it when I realize I should end it first.
Another thing was that 3 days later I sent him the good memory text. And he ignored it. I think I could have waited a few more days and then tried to start a conversation with a first contact text instead. Have a good conversation and then leave a cliffhanger.
So 3 days later, I was feeling emotional and sent something about mother’s day. To which he did not respond. I definitely could have held off on that.
This week is 2 weeks since then. I pulled back. One of my boo boos from our previous relationship is that I tended to get emotional and text him based on that, when it wasn’t the right time. I’ll try to be more logical. I was being logical at first lol. So I will be again and leave him cliffhangers, like I had a few times before, during this process.
admin
June 9, 2014 at 3:33 pm
You can almost always feel that point where its a good idea to end the conversation but its soooo hard to do. Trust me, I know.
Taryn
June 9, 2014 at 7:32 pm
Omg… Chris you are completely right Haha. And it is hard. Especially since I love talking to Ryan. So next time I’ll slap my hand and make myself end it. Because I knew I should have when I should have. So next time I will :]
Thank ya!
I’ll let you know how things go this week
admin
June 10, 2014 at 3:42 pm
Either that or pretend your phone died and hang up on him suddenly… it’ll mess with him but itll work
(worked on me.)
Taryn
June 10, 2014 at 6:09 pm
I love that. What a great tip :] Thank you. I will use that when I get to the point of calling him. Thank you for this website. It is really helping me
admin
June 11, 2014 at 4:31 pm
I hope so Taryn!
Your my most dedicated reader!
Taryn
June 12, 2014 at 2:56 am
Yup. The articles help me in many ways. They help me to stay calm and to be patient. And this process is slow. For sure. I texted Ryan today, after two weeks, and got no response. So I will wait again. The night is still young. The days are young. He has surprised me before. I’m not expecting him too again, but i hope he will. Anything can happen :]
Taryn
June 12, 2014 at 3:31 am
I do have a question though, what would you suggest my next step be?
* Pull Awayyy for a bit, since he ignored my previous text two weeks ago as well?
* wait another 2-3 weeks and try again?
* Or let him come to me
I’m up for suggestions. Lol I certainly don’t know everything.
I did reread your article about When To Give Up. Just letting you know, I will not give up. And Yes, I do have legitimate reasons for getting him back. And I do see a future. Some things just take time. And I am a patient little bear, Chris.
Usually while I wait, I focus my attention on something else. So that I never become a text gnat for his lack of response.
Man… time really flew by though. I joined this program in February after we broke up. Did my 30 days. Sent a text, like you suggested in your 2.0 article, to stay on good terms. Then waited another 21 days. Sent my “I have a confession…” text at the end of March, Which went well. He responded to a lot of my texts and gave me one words responses. Finally he was positive with me last month in May. Even texted me first. Twice!! Then distanced himself. Man. Seems like a lot of time.
Hmmmm… I could wait longer than 2 weeks. Maybe do 21 again. (I’m just thinking out loud). What would you suggest?
admin
June 15, 2014 at 3:21 pm
Hmm… I say give it another try!
Taryn
June 15, 2014 at 9:29 pm
I love that answer :] I agree with that. Thank ya
admin
June 16, 2014 at 2:11 pm
Anytime!!!
WW
June 9, 2014 at 7:54 am
Hi Chris, my ex were together from Nov last year. Sometime in April he broke up with me via text coz he thought I was cheating on him. two weeks later we made up and we both decided to work on our relationship. a few days later and I found a text on his phone flirting with a girl he introduced to me once (I had asked him about the true nature of their friendship and he lied).
Anyway, he asked for two weeks to figure things out and I told him that if we were to continue I’d expect a commitment! it was three weeks on Saturday and I contacted him seeing that the time he asked for had run out. we exchanged texts until yesterday and he says we should just be friends and I dared him to say it to my face. I’ve decided I don’t wanna see him and I’m on NC day1. Any advice?!!
admin
June 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm
Ya… stick through the no contact and don’t falter.
Taryn
June 6, 2014 at 6:34 pm
Hi Chris!
So next week will be two weeks for me of waiting to try texting Ryan again. Since he did not respond to my last text. I’m glad I waited Haha, because I didn’t know what I was going to say anyway. So I spent some time thinking and praying and came up with a good memory to send to Ryan. A simple one that he will remember Yay!
Since then, I’ve been trying to become even more ungettable, temporarily dyed my hair black and everyone on Facebook is loving it lol. If he checks up on me he will see that. My popularity on Facebook has risen lol. But I am very humble.
So that is my next plan. To text him next week. My question to you is, is it better to start off by saying something like “Just thinking about you :]” getting into a small conversation and Then send my memory text? Haha because last time I sent a memory text straight off the bat and he ignored it.
Still confident :]
admin
June 7, 2014 at 4:42 pm
It might be smarter to say something made you think of him.
Taryn
June 7, 2014 at 6:18 pm
Okay, I will do that! Thank you.
š
Taryn
June 6, 2014 at 6:41 pm
I want to keep on building attracrion. And see him chase me again. That was a great feeling :]
xenia
May 24, 2014 at 2:22 am
hey Chris, love your work.
So I need a little help here. 1 year serious relationship, broke up 5 mns ago.
Followed your steps,40 days NC, then contact for 3mns now. It was great, then, 3 wks ago he starting getting distant,ignoring me 2 times outta 3, he always said it’s becuz he had work problems,new job bad economy.
Last week he blocked me on whatsapp right out of the blue.. I went into NC, 2 days later he unblocked me, sent an apology msg, calling himself a ‘jerk’ š
I didnt respond.. another day later, a msg asking about my health ( I broke my foot early this month) .. So I’m confused :/ do I stay with NC for 30 days? Do I talk again?
thnx Chris..
(a little shout out for all those ex-recoverers out there š stay positive )
Taryn
May 25, 2014 at 9:49 pm
Hi Xenia!
Just a question, when you text him and he ignores it, do you ask him “why?” Or just he just come out and tell you himself?
It’s best not to worry about being ignored. And best not to question them (in case you have).
Just brush it off and try again in a week or two :] that’s what I do.
You’d only have to do 30 days if he is negative with you. If he tells you to leave him alone. If he says for you to stop texting him. But being ignored is a little different. If he pulls back, then you pull back. Give him space for like 2 weeks and try talking again. That’s what I’m currently doing. And when you do that, it can actually cause them to come to you. Which is what happened to me before. Give him the gift of missing you.
He still cares about you, hence him texting to see how you feel. I think you’re doing good so far. Just stay calm when he ignores you. He won’t expect that.
Keep on going love!
<3
Taryn
admin
May 25, 2014 at 2:24 pm
Have you seen him in person at all?
xenia
May 27, 2014 at 4:50 am
it’s a long distance situation,so nope I haven’t seen him since October.
Update, we’ve texted 2 days ago, & he went nostalgic, he directly brought up the possibility of us getting back together!
He said ‘we had the best relationship of my life, but our fights were extreme;I must admit I was under lots of pressure, but now my pressure has doubled, I am afraid I would make the wrong decision’.
I eased out of it,saying that no decisions are really needed right now, it’s ok, I’m scared too etc. So he just skipped the whole subject and went back to nostalgia !
Help š Is this positive ? Where do we go from here?
Taryn
May 27, 2014 at 3:39 pm
Yay!!! I love that!
I think it’s good that you said that to him. You do not want to rush. Let him feel that he has to earn you back. Because what you want is a new relationship and not what you had before. I’d say follow your heart.
Do you have the ebook?
If so, maybe it’s Okay for you to move to the next step. Sending him the “girlfriend ” type texts. Just a thought :]
Lennie
May 22, 2014 at 10:18 am
Hi Chris. Thank God for this website your guides are so helpful. My boyfriends broke up with me 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. At first, he was angry with me saying that he never wanted to see me again and that he never wants to get back into a relationship with me because he wants to live the single life. I begged and pleaded for him to come back for one whole month (big mistake! I know!)In an attempt to scare me away, he told me that he is seeing other girls and that he is sleeping around and that was when I decided to stop hurting and stop all contact with him. I lasted only 8 days without contacting him. I broke the no contact to ask him about his college results and we texted for about half an hour, he said that he misses my family and that he doesn’t want my parents to hold a grudge on him. The next day, I posted a picture on facebook of my new hair colour and he instantly texted me that it looks great on me. I said thanks and he started opening up to me on some of his problems, he said he needed my advice. I feel like he is realizing that I stopped begging him to reconcile and is now uncertain of his decision. But how will know if he is just being friendly with me or whether he wants me back? I plan on continuing the no contact rule. Do you think that there is a chance that he might be interested in reconciling? Or was the compliment about my hair just an attempt not to lose me as a friend? I am so used to him being rude to me that I don’t know how to react to him being suddenly nice. Please help me!
Brittney
May 20, 2014 at 10:06 pm
Hey Chris.
My ex and I broke up in November and it had been an on and off thing since then. I decided to do no contact and successfully made it through 40 days. This past Sunday I texted him because I still have things at his house, and at first he was rude and then when he didn’t get a response he began to blow up my phone. He spilled a bunch of emotions, several times I told him I would get in touch with him later because I had a busy day ahead of me, to which his response would be just talk to me… It’s just texting… What are you doing…
Now it has been 2 days and he hasn’t tried to reach me. I’m just a little confused. I don’t really know how to handle the situation other than staying silent.
Thanks,
Brittney
admin
May 21, 2014 at 2:30 pm
Right now that may be the best thing to do… just stay silent for a little while longer.
Taryn
May 17, 2014 at 9:36 pm
Hi Chris :]
Made some more progress with Ryan! I sent him a text saying,
“A kid at work was telling me that he is joining the Marine in September for 8 years. Couldn’t help but think of you telling me about your time in the Corps. Hope you’re well :]”
He responded 3 hours later and said
“Thank you I hope u are too”
I ended the conversation saying,
“You’re welcome. Have a good night”
Baby steps
:]
admin
May 20, 2014 at 8:45 pm
Hi Taryn,
Sorry for the late response. I have been away on vacation for a little while.
Baby steps indeed but baby steps are looking fine for you right now š
Taryn
May 22, 2014 at 12:07 am
Oh and that’s Okay Chris :]
Taryn
May 22, 2014 at 5:53 pm
Haha yes I see!! After he texted me we had a little conversation which was nice š
admin
May 23, 2014 at 5:06 pm
š any more updates?
Taryn
May 24, 2014 at 6:02 pm
Haha nothing so far. I did send him a good memory text yesterday and got no response so I’ll just wait and try again later :]
But it’s going well so far!
Taryn
May 21, 2014 at 11:10 pm
Andd just now he texts me all on his own saying,
“How’s ur day”
Ahhh. He’s chasing!
And I was just thinking about What I was going to say tomorrow lol.
xenia
May 24, 2014 at 2:42 am
hey Taryn,
since I’ve been here I’ve been religiously reading your updates, I’m going through the exact same timeline currently, so, you make me feel less alone in all this, all the way across the world š Just wanted to give you some positive vibes here since I got my posting hat on š .You sound amazing & I’m sure you & Ryan will work it out slow & steady as Chris would say š Good luck dear xx
Taryn
May 25, 2014 at 9:33 pm
Hi!
Thank you for your support :]
Yes it is good to know that you are not alone. And it is good to have supporters. Thank you for your positive feedback. I personally like to share what’s happening with me and Ryan for others to keep having hope :] This process is very slow, But definitely worth it. It’s taught me a lot more patience than I already had. Patience is what truly helps. And for me, I get that from God. So I hope and pray for you as well that you will keep on going. Stay strong. Never give up. And be patient. WooooOoOOo!
admin
May 27, 2014 at 2:26 pm
Sorry for the late reply Taryn.
I didn’t feel like working this weekend. I need a break sometimes too.
Your one of my favorites to talk to on this site. I always look for your posts. So, you always have a supporter in me. Is there anything you want me to write about next? I will do it jsut for you!
Taryn
May 27, 2014 at 3:51 pm
Thank you Chris!
And that is totally understandable. I get that way too. For example, I’m working on a freelance project and I’m trying to get it done by mid June, But it’s summer and family is visiting, and I work in retail at Hollister full-time. I’m busy an and just want some Me time. And sometimes I don’t feel like drawing and just wanna enjoy the weather or relax. Haha. So I understand. Do your thing! Humans need Me time.
I think it would be good to write about How to allow yourself to focus on your life while getting your Ex back. Because I’ve noticed that too many women on here put too time of their life into getting the guy back. I want Ryan back so much. But what helps me out is focusing on other parts of my life to keep me from obsessing over him and wanting him back. Obsession is probably a big cause of failure for some women.
Another thing I think would be good to write about is to not only follow the program, But also to follow your heart, intuition, and gut feeling along side of the program. Because sometimes life intervenes and something comes to us that works perfectly.
And for me personally, I think writing about what to do when being ignored would be good. Like, how to stay calm and find something else to do while waiting. I stay calm. But others don’t and then they become a text gnat. And that’s no good.
Just some thoughts :]
admin
May 28, 2014 at 2:43 pm
Hollister! Haha I remember going there when I was a kid in high school.
I don’t envy you working there.
I am saving this comment. Full of good topic ideas!
Taryn
May 28, 2014 at 4:10 pm
Haha Yup! Hollister. It’s an okay job for while I wait to get a much better job Haha. The music is too loud….. (-_-)’
But Okay!!!!
Can’t wait to see your next article!
admin
May 31, 2014 at 3:15 pm
Not to mention its the same music ALL THE TIME!
admin
May 22, 2014 at 4:03 pm
š works like a charm every time!
Taryn
May 20, 2014 at 8:42 pm
And yesterday I sent a Story Text. Which he did not respond to until this morning. He said Good Morning to me and asked what my story is :]
So I told him. And he was engaged. I am very happy about that.
I ended the conversation and said I’ll Ttyl. He said Okay. And that’s that for today :]
admin
May 21, 2014 at 2:23 pm
Hahaha check you out! You are doing awesome.
Taryn
May 21, 2014 at 6:34 pm
Haha thank you!!
Charlotte
May 16, 2014 at 3:26 am
Hey Cris, I wanted to say thanks for your website! It has been so helpful thus far! I was wondering about a few things and whenever you can get back to me would be great! It’s been about two months or so since any contact was made. After the first week I sent three text messages and called once. So I don’t think I embarrassed myself to bad. Before we were together I had deleted my Facebook so he was unaware I had one. I activated it a month or so after the break up and I think he saw it and blocked me. But I think he might o on his moms FB to look at mine but I could be wrong and all. We were really happy together and his mom had told me its the happiest she’s ever seen him and I believed her. I believe I’m only blocked on FB as well and my questions are:
Even after two or so months will he be creeping?
Will he make contact?
I’ve tried to make my FB page as good as I can but I’m not sure it’s ‘perfect’. Do you think I could email you my page and you see if its okay?
Thanks have an awesome day!
Charlotte
May 16, 2014 at 3:38 am
Well you don’t really have to look at my page but I’m wondering if its done. Him and I I guess. I’ve heard of stories of 45 days no contact and then they call or text. We didn’t cheat or lie to eachother about anything just a difference on a subject and his mom I think wants him to herself. I’m making a muck of this I’m sorry
admin
May 20, 2014 at 6:22 pm
I think its only done if you want it to be done. Do you want to give this a try or are you ready to give up?
Kimmy
May 12, 2014 at 7:42 am
My bf and I broke up 5mos ago bec I caught him talking to other girls again romantically then I begged him to come back but he seems so determined to be just friends w/ me but the communication didnāt not stopped, the weāll still have sex then he got me pregnant 3 mos ago but aborted the baby cause he wanted me to do it cause heās not yet ready to be a father but I really wanna keep the baby if I could only turn back time. Now, heās being so cold, he would tell things that would hurt me, he would shut me out, he would be so ill-tempered and all. I keep begging him to come back but he would not respond properly but instead he would tell me to just find another guy then recently I found out that he has been communicating with girls he doesnāt know personally and would add them on FB, it really pissed me off!!! I canāt understand him! We still talk everyday though I was the one who would text first. Help!!!!
Taryn
May 13, 2014 at 3:00 pm
You should read Chris’s article about Desperation. That might help you. And he would Also suggest that you stay calm and do NC for 30 days. Believe me, it is worth it. Because it will help you to heal. It’s really more for you than for him. But at the same time, it will help him as well. 30 days is long enough for him to calm down as well. You should read his e-book too. There is a lot for you to learn from reading Chris’s articles. There is hope for you, but you have to do what is necessary. Do your 30 days. Stop texting your ex during that time. And work on making yourself happy first. It is highly unlikely that he will move on with any of those girls. But if you want him to pay attention to you, then work on yourself. Become an ungettable girl. Make him chase you. Read this article that you are currently posting on. Practice what is being preached to you.
Keep calm and do your 30 days.
<3
Taryn
May 2, 2014 at 4:17 am
Hi Chris!
So it had been two weeks this Tuesday. I waited because he didn’t respond to my text when I sent him the picture of the drawing.
So Tuesday I texted him,
“So I’m at the mall and something caught my eye.. A black T-shirt on a stand had a pic of Spiderman’s face and said “The Amazing Ryan”. It made me giggle :]”
And he was neutral again saying
“Lol”
So I left it there.
I’m staying calm and patient. But I wonder what I should say next? His walls are up so high. According to your ebook I wait a week. This is tough but not impossible :]
admin
May 6, 2014 at 6:44 pm
Hahaha nice text. I actually like that one.
Your doing good Taryn. Also, keep an eye on the more recent stuff it might be more helpful to you.
Taryn
May 6, 2014 at 8:17 pm
Haha thank you!
I decided to not do the random meme Hehe. And came up with another text instead. Which I won’t send till Thursday.
But Yes, I will go back now and re-read the recent stuff before I make my next move :]
This whole thing is actually fun more than anything. I believe I’ll get him back. It’s exciting!
<3
– Taryn
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:25 pm
I am happy you believe you can get him back. But don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself Taryn. Focus on one little milestone at a time.
Taryn
May 7, 2014 at 4:59 pm
Okay will do. I actually thought about that after writing you back.
admin
May 8, 2014 at 4:20 pm
Your doing really good though! Seriously! I am impressed.
Taryn
May 8, 2014 at 6:22 pm
Thank you Chris! Yesterday I decided to go ahead and send a meme. I thought it was pretty funny! And clever. It was a photo of a box of bubble wrap on an end table at a college that had a sign on it saying “Instant Exam-Stress relieving bubble wrap: ‘Clinically’ Proven up to 100% effective “. Figured I’d might as well make him laugh while he’s busy with finals haha. Sent that saying
“This made me laugh today and I thought of you! Wish this had been at my college lol :]”
To which he replied 30 miss later with
“Hmmm”. Haha… sounds like he was intrigued.
Honestly, It’s not uncommon that Ryan would be so “one word text”-ish. He’s always been a man of few words. I’ve always gone by his actions. And from what I see, the fact that he is responding to all of my texts at all is a good sign. I’m happy!
One step at a time. One day at a time. Steady and slow.
Thank you for your articles and comments. It’s all helpful!
:]
admin
May 9, 2014 at 3:21 pm
I hate one word responses… They annoy me.
Haha thats just a personal thing about me though.
Taryn
May 9, 2014 at 9:15 pm
Haha I agree. It is annoying. I will be patient though and keep my texts interesting. I believe I deserve positive responses and he is capable of giving that :]
admin
May 12, 2014 at 5:06 pm
I believe you do too!
Taryn
May 6, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Reading the male psychology post :]
Also, I think I will wait till next week to text. A lot of colleges are having finals this week. Or at least the New York state colleges are. He’s in Cali. They right be having them now too. Therefore, I might wait till next week or the week after.
I want him to be focused when I text him. When he is busy, he focuses on whatever it is that’s making him busy.
That’s my thought so far, while re-reading :]
admin
May 7, 2014 at 3:24 pm
So, hes not good at multi tasking really.
Taryn
May 7, 2014 at 4:56 pm
Sometimes, not always.
Taryn
May 2, 2014 at 5:08 am
Ps.
I don’t want to rush through this. I know that it will take time. I’m gonna get back up on that horse and try again! He is capable of giving me a positive response. I can maybe think of something more intriguing to say. Or something simple. I hope I think of something good to say next. I’d like to text him next week. He responds to me most of the time, but is neutral.
Right now he is busy with school. My hope is that Once the semester is over he will be more positive :]
Taryn
May 2, 2014 at 5:20 am
Oh!
Maybe for my next text I can try a random meme. I have 2 saved in my phone that I thought were funny :]
Kimmy
April 24, 2014 at 12:51 pm
Hi Chris!
My bf and I broke up 5mos ago bec I caught him talking to other girls again romantically then I begged him to come back but he seems so determined to be just friends w/ me but the communication didn’t not stopped, the we’ll still have sex then he got me pregnant 3 mos ago but aborted the baby cause he wanted me to do it cause he’s not yet ready to be a father but I really wanna keep the baby if I could only turn back time. Now, he’s being so cold, he would tell things that would hurt me, he would shut me out, he would be so ill-tempered and all. I keep begging him to come back but he would not respond properly but instead he would tell me to just find another guy then recently I found out that he has been communicating with girls he doesn’t know personally and would add them on FB, it really pissed me off!!! I can’t understand him! We still talk everyday though I was the one who would text first. Help!!!!
Kimmy
April 24, 2014 at 2:45 pm
I am afraid that if I try the NC he would date the girls he met online and would forget about me.
Kim
April 23, 2014 at 11:04 am
Long story, me and my boyfriend were together nearly 5 years. Lived at my parents for 2.5 years, then our own place for 18 months. Last year was a bad year for us, split up in June got back together after a few weeks, then split up again October.
Whilst split in October, we were still actively dating and sorting out the house etc. So split properly Dec 8th. He meet someone in June, which i didnt know about until the October, (had her lined up i guessed), and was dating the both of us from October until December.
Quite a bad break up, i wont bore you; i decided the end of December to go no contact, he texted in March telling me he loved me and we have been texting since. He has been with the other girl, since we have split up.
Our texting goes through stages of anger, to telling with love one another and not over one another. He asked me to meet him twice but has backed out both times; we were supposed to meet last Monday, but again he backed out. He went on holiday with his new girlfriend yesterday, and was texting all day, although he was going on holiday on the evening with her. My last texting to him was telling him that i needed contact to cease etc, and i needed to move on, and he replied saying it thatās what you need, and he will always be here for me. After i found out they were going on holiday i sent an anger text, and havenāt texted since.
What do you advise, No Contact? Or shall i just move on, im so confused
Thanks
Molly
May 7, 2014 at 12:32 pm
Are you really that silly? Im sure your not but what on earth are you doing wasting your very valuble time on this loser… he is playing the two of you and you both want this man? Why would you want to be with a cheat and a liar? He does nothing for you whatsoever. If a guy isnt banging down your door to be with you ….then why are you investing your heart to someone who clearly has his cake put on his plate…by you! get out as fast as you can. Are you not angry at such treatment by him? Real relationships are just that..REAL. this is a p.take. grow a spine and sling him for good. find someone who wants to be with you…for the right reasons. hes moved on and you should too.I could never date a guy who is with someone… get some self respect back, YOU deserve it. logic logic logic – every time
Emily
April 16, 2014 at 4:15 pm
Hi. I want to do the NC, but we are currently living together and in process of moving out of the apt. Also, before I saw this site, we told each other we wanted to be friends, but I made it clear then that I wanted to try again someday since I feel what really ruined us was taking this step too early and having too much stuff going on in our lives where we lost the basis of our relationship. Being friends.
I had a full time job and he did too with school also, then we moved out, in lost my job, a friend moved in with her kids to help pay rent, then e basically said he felt that we don’t communicate well and that I stopped listening and being, well friends. Like we were a couple first; i admit that i wasn’t really dealing with out issues, I thought I had time, but apparently not. Also I’m overweight bad going in to this relationship we always talke about how I am going to get healthy and fit, but i gained some weight and he feels he can’t trust me because i had so many chances in our 4 years together (which I did) and I didn’t. He feels betrayed and that because I ignored out problems, that I didn’t care about how he felt. Which isn’t true! I just hadn’t realized how bad it was!
What do i do? I think NC would work and that he would chase me in time because he said he still loves me, but thinks we dont fit now. but it practically impossible while we’re dividing and packing and also still have some major bills for the future… When we move out in like less 2 weeks i will start NC, but until then.. What do I do? We have already been broken up a month.. And I definitely did gnat texting, but I have stopped and also stopped ring emotional.. Well tying, and just trying to be friendly. Sometimes we still cuddle etc, but he tells me when leave apt, this won’t happen anymore. But i know he will miss it, if not show it outwardly. So.. I’m just unsure how best to proceed in my situation. :/
admin
April 18, 2014 at 3:17 pm
You can still do a variation of the NC.
Just be a respectful roommate and try not to initiate things unless he does.
Taryn
April 13, 2014 at 12:27 am
Oh my!
Ryan texted me back today all on his own. Let’s review… ::clears throat::
1st: Sent my first contact text a few weeks ago. To which he responded. But neutrally. The “I have a confession to make…” text. He responded instantly to that. Then I wrote back. Then he wrote back. Then I ended the convo, because he was neutral.
2nd: I waited 1 week and a day to try again sending something less threatening. “Just caught myself thinking and you popped into my head”. He wrote back 30mins later asking “what about?” I wrote back telling him that I was drawing and saw some sketches in my sketch book that I drew of him a while ago, “About the times I would draw for you. I randomly came across some sketches I drew, a while back, today while I was drawing” and I got no response to that. So I decided to wait 2 weeks to try again.
3rd: Today, 5 days later from getting no response, Ryan texts me back on his own
Ryan: “Wait u drew me?”
Me: “I did like a long while ago”
Ryan: “U Nvr showed me”
Me: “Ha I thought I had. Maybe I didn’t lol. ”
Ryan: “Show me”
At this point I took a pic of my drawing. Tried to send it, But my phone was being poopie. It didn’t send the pic. So I wrote back 20mins later..
Me: “Oh well my phone is acting weird and won’t send it. I’ll try some other time”
Ryan: “Ok”
Slow and steady Chris :]
I will send him the pic in 2 days.
admin
April 13, 2014 at 4:51 pm
OMG your an evil genius.
Such a compelling text with that drawing thing. That’s genius!
Taryn
April 13, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Haha thank you Chris!! I’m loving this right now :] and now I have him waiting Hehe.
admin
April 14, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Pretty awesome right?
Taryn
April 21, 2014 at 3:06 am
Yup pretty awesome :] definitely going to take time. Two days later, last Monday, I sent him the picture. Haha and he didn’t say anything back. So I decided I will take a step back again. Go on about my business. And text him 1.5 weeks from then. Or 2 weeks :]
I’m still not worried though. I have faith that it will be the way I want. In time. I feel that patience is always best. He has been interested for sure. But his walls are still high. Even though he texted first the one day :] He’s worth the wait, time and effort. Eventually I will get him more hooked. Ultimately, I want a loving, committed relationship. But it will take time with this stubborn man Lol.
:]
Sarah
April 12, 2014 at 1:42 pm
Hi Chris! I bought your book!! Please help!
So, the ex reached out during NC (3wks).. after a few ignored replies he became the text gnat and I felt guilty so I responded. I’ve been controlling the conversations, keeping them short and providing little emotion. It almost seems like he is feeling me out to where I stand but I give nothing. He said he just wants to call to say Hi and catch up. His texting style has resorted back to BF/GF days with cutesy smileys and what not. I told him I was busy at the moment and we can talk later. What do you suggest the best plan of action is now? I don’t want the catch up to be viewed as we are friends. Do I wait for him to initiate the catch up? I’ve been pretty cold throughout both texting interactions.. is it turning him off?
Thanks!!
admin
April 12, 2014 at 4:38 pm
It might be ok to show a little bit more emotion.