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132 thoughts on ““Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now”

  1. Avatar

    Lee

    April 4, 2019 at 5:04 am

    I was in a long distance relationship for 15 months. He has been very unresponsive to my messages and calls durng the last month. After me spamming him on whatsapp asking him to tell me whats going on he responded that he cant do it this anymore. He just has no time and that he is working a lot. That was 2 days ago.
    We didnt end on end terms.
    His birthday is next week. I guess i should just ignore him, right?

  2. Avatar

    Maria

    March 17, 2019 at 11:27 pm

    Today is my ex boyfriends birthday. We were in a long distance relationship and unfortunately his parents werent agreeing with the idea of us to be together. They wanted him to date someone there but he was all like people are fake and that he wanted me only. But now things got changed after that, he started to act defensive, he was hiding some things, didnt call me as much as I wanted to, telling me he was busy and that he would love to call me, acted different, started to think negative about our “future”. I even sent him something via post, in real life like a drawing and some cute stuff ,but it wasnt for his birthday, and he loved it a lot. But the distance was it and he faded away and started to agree with his parents that we cant be together. He knew I was sweet and a very caring person and he still thinks I am. He said he couldn’t live without me but I in the end he accepts the idea of not being with me anymore and that he cant do anything about it.
    Also he started highschool, his 12th year and he is a lot stressed. Weve broken up for like 2 months ago
    Idk should I apply the rule? I feel like I should but I am still very unsure about that.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 18, 2019 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Maria…It might be the best course of action given all the things you have tried before. Almost always best to change strategies if what you are doing is not getting any traction. Pick up my Program’s “EBR Guide Pro” so you can come up to speed on how all this works.

  3. Avatar

    Mimi

    October 3, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    Hi EBR Team,

    I’m in a very long distance relationship (continents away). We met overseas and wanted to work after 4 days of interacting. On and off for 2 years (first year he chased me for months on two different occasions because he’d messed up). And officially together for 9 months since January and we’ve met each other’s families.

    I felt he was growing distant or perhaps just really stressed from starting school and a new job. I called 11 days ago to check up on him and ask if everything was okay and the conversation took a turn when I asked directly if we still had the same goals of being together permanently in a few years (He has been to see me 3 times since January and I just came back from meeting his family last month where he lives). I wasn’t satisfied with the response and so I tearfully wished him well and ended things. We both said we still loved each other.

    Two days afterwards he texted “How are you doing today?” and we had a very short and bland conversation where he mentioned school was great but work wasn’t. Three days after that (5 days post break up) he texts me his usual morning greeting, a very affectionate/loving good morning. I take longer than I usually would to respond and reply that he can call if he wants to talk to me and that my heart is not a toy essentially. He calls me later that day and initially pretends everything is normal and then gets upset and explains that he hadn’t wanted the relationship to end but we wouldn’t work out because someone’s always upset among other reasons. He calls me a few hours later to continue the conversation, again pretends like everything is normal between us and mentions how stressful work is. After we both clarify a few points on how we feel he says he’s stressed/needs to relax, that he never wanted to stop talking to me, that he’ll always care about me. Says he felt I was too good for him and will always be having to catch up with me (hence his being 23 and just now starting school and my being 25 and looking to complete a masters). We both wind up crying and saying goodbye. I let him know that I just needed time and it was painful to interact at the moment. He said he would be a stranger until I stopped being one. That conversation was 6 days ago and I’ve done NC ever since. His birthday is in 9 days. Wondering whether in my situation it’s best to reach out since he’s always done most of the chasing or continue with no contact for a month.

    Thanks for reading!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:32 am

      Hi Mimi!

      15 days of NC is short. I would follow thru with the plan. I hope you have my eBook as it will help you immensely!

  4. Avatar

    Mary

    May 1, 2018 at 9:10 pm

    I have been in an on again and off again relationship for 3 years. The last few months have been NC but in the last week or so we met up, had a big highly emotional discussion in which I felt he still very much wanted to be friends. We were drinking and the next day he called and asked if everything was ok but also said he didn’t remember much of the previous night and asked me what happened. So I tried explaining and sent him an email and then we talked again. He said he was ambivalent about being friends, a bit take it or leave it. I felt he was not being completely honest with me, not giving me answers to direct questions about things that had happened that I wanted clarified. I sent him an email saying if we are to be friends that I needed honesty from him. He emailed and said don’t contact me, but then we talked again. The last contact we had was amicable. He had a big presentation. I fb messaged him after he gave it and asked him how it went, saying he should be proud of his work and hoped it went well. No reply, but in the past he hasn’t always replied to fb messages even when we were together. So I have no idea what that means or how he took it. It’s his birthday on the weekend and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to be with this guy, he is completely hot and cold on me, but I do want to be friends. If it was me I’d be hurt if he didn’t wish me happy birthday but maybe it’s better if I leave him alone. Please help?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 9:37 pm

      Hi Mary..thanks for dropping by. My first suggestion is you should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. Right now we have around 1500 people in it (mostly women) and all these folks have been through some kind of breakup experience. There is a lot of synergy and information sharing and I show up weekly to do live webcasts. Just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. I think it will benefit you as you work through what, if anything, you want from this relationship. I agree his behavior has been hot/cold and that contributes mightily to one’s emotional confusion as to what it all means. My gut tells me to give him wide berth….lots of space and to focus on your own recovery for now. In time, your feelings will get more centered and you will know what you want from this and whether friendship is worth the emotional aggravation/disappointment derived from his behavior. Let me know how things go for you Mary!

    2. Avatar

      Mary

      May 2, 2018 at 6:00 am

      Many thanks. Just to clarify we were on and off over 3 years but we lived together during that time. When you say I should give him space, do you think it should be 45 days, 90 days, a year or forever? At the moment I would like to take steps to repair the friendship. Even though there weren’t any major issues like cheating, trust and respect are pretty low right now.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 1:46 am

      As I discuss in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” you should look at something between 21 to 45 days. Everybody’s situation is unique. But remember, what counts is what you do for yourself during this period.

  5. Avatar

    Birthday Girl

    April 18, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    Hi EBR,
    My ex and I have been broken up for almost 5 months now after a 4 year relationship. After no contact, he reached out to me and we started casually talking before my birthday. He then wished me a “Happy early birthday” the day before, and a couple days later we got into another massive argument which landed us back in no contact, which has just ended. He reached out to me again, I responded with a short, positive response and left it at that. Now his birthday is in a few days and I am wondering if I should message him a happy birthday, if I should send him the same low effort “happy early birthday” he sent me, if I should wait til it has passed and message him “happy belated” asking how it was, or if I just shouldn’t message him at all.
    I have done a lot of work to feel better about myself since our break-up, especially because he has been quite nasty over the course of the few months. Would not messaging him make it seem like I’ve moved on and freak him out, or should I try to connect with him by being nice?
    Thanks in advance!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 9:55 pm

      Hi there Birthday Girl. I love your moniker! 4 years is a good amount of time as it gives some roots to the relationship. Yes, I think a little birthday wish would be OK. The aim here is to keep communications positive and move forward slowly, repairing the damage…almost like you are dating for the first time. Good job on working on “You”! That is important. If you need a comprehensive game plan, that consider any of my core ebooks (Menu/Products link). There are some other resources there as well! Its a good thing to have a blueprint of what to do, when, how, etc. And trust me, my books are lengthy! Let me know how things turn out.

  6. Avatar

    daisy

    February 16, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    So what if you’re supposed to go on a trip – we broke up but agreed to still go on the trip. He says he doesn’t love me anymore but he wants to leave me some good memories of him and our relationship. It was a trip for our birthdays because they’re only days apart. It’s his birthday today and I have this video we took earlier this year that I said I would send on his birthday. Would it bring him a happy memory? He knows I want to go on the trip so I’m assuming he knows I still have feelings. Should I not go on the trip? But I feel like if I don”t I’ll never see him or talk to him because he doesn’t believe in opposite sex friendships.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Daisy,

      When is the trip?

  7. Avatar

    jennifer

    January 4, 2018 at 11:42 am

    hey!
    My bf of 4 months was distant then ok again then he whats app texted “i decided to freeze our relationship and spend time apart. I am not in a good place right now, my work and programme is too much to handle and I cant have a relationship with you at the moment. Take care, let me know if you need anything”. I simply said “I understand however I would prefer if you had said that to my face. Take care have fun kisses”. Immediately I started nc and vanished from social medias. Day 11 of nc he texted (whats app) saying happy nameday i ddnt respond, texted again via text this time day 14 saying happy name day again i send you three days ago wishes via w.a. kisses, ddnt reply either. There are stil 10 day to complete the 30 day nc. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 11:07 pm

      Hi Jennifer,

      be active in posting in social media.. Do posts that don’t disappear after 24 hours and are you actively improving yourself?

  8. Avatar

    Luna

    January 2, 2018 at 7:21 pm

    Hi Amor

    You are right – but when he wished me saying happy new year and then asked how kids are.

    I usually don’t reply for a while but I feel when he asks about kids in general I don’t like to ignore him.

    I was actually so busy with holiday activities that I only replied a day later so I said ‘To you too and kids are well’.

    I didn’t actually want to say happy new year to you because to be honest I don’t want to be wishing him happy new year coz I feel so hurt but I simply sort of said it back to him without saying so actually as you can see in my wording.

    I have been posting but there are two issues – he doesn’t have Instagram and on Facebook while we are still friends I have noticed I definitely can’t see his past posts which I could before – now I can only see my posts to his wall i made in the past. Which means he has restricted me from seeing any of his future posts but I don’t know if by limiting me that means Facebook automatically does the same thing back (maybe he can’t follow me either)?

    I was upset it’s clear he changed his relationship status too I felt he didn’t have to be public about it but I can’t tell him to restrict that status either as hell know I have noticed and it bothers me 🙁

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 6:48 pm

      that’s ok, jut make your posts public because there’s a high chance he will check your accounts.

  9. Avatar

    Lily

    January 2, 2018 at 11:33 am

    We were in a long distance relationship for 6 years and all of a sudden one fine day he sent me a text message saying day he is breaking up wid me n he didn’t have a reason why n I begged of him to keep giving me a reason n so he told me dat he’s found somebody else which I think he is lying..n in d heat of the moment I started gnatting begging him to take me back..he broke up wid me in aug n for September n Oct I maintained NC..at d end of Oct I initiated a conversation n he told me at his 4th send going on n any campus interviews after day see was no msg from him..den on Nov 15 I broke down again n startd gnattin by he said things were over between us..on Nov 27 I wished him for his exams n he said thx after dat see was no reply..was thinking of wishing him 4 Xmas by few days but 25th he blocked me on WhatsApp..Duno y so I dint text him neither did I for new yr..it’s his best on 3rd Jan..should I wish him??? I was thinking of sending him a nostalgic mail reminiscing all our memories

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 6:32 pm

      Hi Lily,

      nope,, he already blocked you.. that would be chasing.

  10. Avatar

    Lily

    January 2, 2018 at 11:30 am

    Create a note
    ‌We were in a long distance relationship for 6 years and all of a sudden one fine day he sent me a text message saying day he is breaking up wid me n he didn’t have a reason why n I begged of him to keep giving me a reason n so he told me dat he’s found somebody else which I think he is lying..n in d heat of the moment I started gnatting begging him to take me back..he broke up wid me in aug n for September n Oct I maintained NC..at d end of Oct I initiated a conversation n he told me at his 4th send going on n any campus interviews after day see was no msg from him..den on Nov 15 I broke down again n startd gnattin by he said things were over between us..on Nov 27 I wished him for his exams n he said thx after dat see was no reply..was thinking of wishing him 4 Xmas by few days but 25th he blocked me on WhatsApp..Duno y so I dint text him neither did I for new yr..it’s his best on 3rd Jan..should I wish him??? I was thinking of sending him a nostalgic mail reminiscing all our memories

  11. Avatar

    Luna

    January 1, 2018 at 6:31 am

    Hi Amor

    No i did not greet him – but what if he greets me? Do I still ignore it? It’s so hard I hate ignoring people or giving people impression I am ignoring them – it just doesn’t feel right 🙁

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 2, 2018 at 6:43 pm

      And yet he doesn’t feel wrong by spending the holidays away from his kids.. That’s was an opportunity for you to post pictures of you and the kids and the meals and your activities and then ignoring his messages.. Once he sees the pics, he’ll realize that you were busy making the holiday fun for the family while he chose not be a part of it..

  12. Avatar

    Lola

    December 30, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months ago. After not talking at all for a couple months, we met for ice cream and to catch up. I have a feeling he was trying to see if there was a chance to get back together, but I am not interested in him in that way anymore at all. I have been happily dating someone else. We haven’t spoken since we hung out 2 months ago, but his birthday is in a few days. I honestly don’t see us ever becoming friends, but I would hate it if I hurt his feelings by not wishing him a happy birthday. Do you think I should text him on his birthday, or just let it be? He’s one of those people whose birthday is a big deal to them. I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him at all anymore, but I also don’t want him to think there’s a chance we’d get back together and wishing him a happy birthday after dead silence for a couple months kinda seems like I’m fishing. What do you suggest I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 10:41 pm

      Hi Lola,

      Nope.. Let him move on..

  13. Avatar

    Luna

    December 29, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    Hi Amor

    Thanks I guess i kind of know the principles but hard to apply :(. Also does same go for New Year’s Eve? I don’t want to send him a happy new year because he put me through emotional turmoil all year instituting our separation and pending divorce – I don’t want to wish him – but I don’t know if by being indifferent and not wishing him will make him think I’m being all immature and avoiding him? But I guess you will tell me that he won’t because if he’s being indifferent towards me he’s expecting the same of me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      Yup, I hope you didn’t greet him.

  14. Avatar

    Luna

    December 24, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    Thanks Amor

    And I’m with kids on holiday and I’m so heart sore he’s taking a holiday on his own to some exotic beach place 🙁 and to a place we have been 3x before we had kids because it was his favorite ;(

    So he will call to greet me and kids before he goes – I guess I shouldn’t even act all so envious he’s going ? Or that we will miss him coz we also on holiday on our own in a nice place should I not even say that because saying that will give him the idea I want to make him feel guilty and am not moving on? Am I right here?

    Sometimes I think saying such things will make him realize he still has a woman who loves him and is devoted to him but I guess an ex only sees it as clingy?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      That’s right..just be indifferent

  15. Avatar

    Luna

    December 14, 2017 at 11:51 am

    Can you please also post the link for how to get your ex Husband back post ? I am struggling to find it and would like to read the article again?

    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      yup, it also applies with anniversaries.. here it is:
      The Definitive Guide On Getting Your Ex Husband Back

  16. Avatar

    Luna

    December 14, 2017 at 11:50 am

    Hi Chris

    I guess even if we are in limited NC with ex the same would apply to wishing happy anniversary right? Coz if you ex is your ex Husband and it’s the date for your first anniversary apart there’s a lot of pain and hurt I’m guessing I should just ignore the date, feel sad he’s left me and just don’t think too much of the day ? I suppose he won’t even be thinking about our special wedding day either 🙁

  17. Avatar

    Dianna

    December 1, 2017 at 8:15 am

    It’s been 4 months since me and my ex broke up and we never talked ever since. He broke up with me because he wants me to take chances again with my ex husband (we have kids) since the ex husband won’t stop threatening us for some reasons he can’t move on with me.

    Now, his birthday is nearing, should I still greet him? Though I am not expecting a reply, I really wish him to have a happy birthday and that he’s okay always.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2017 at 6:01 am

      Hi Dianna,

      Did you go to the police?

  18. Avatar

    Sam

    December 1, 2017 at 2:40 am

    Hey Chris,

    So it’s been over 5 weeks of NC with this guy that I was in an unofficial relationship with for over 6 months. He ended it with the generic “you were a great partner and awesome friend but I can’t see a future with you right now,” and the last month of the relationship was rather a platonic one. Our birthdays are coming up and they’re four days apart (awesome right???). I’m clearly not where I want to be after 30 days NC, still confused/lost on whether I want to pursue a friendship with the guy or cut off all ties and move on, but I feel like I should be the better person and wish him a happy birthday regardless. What are your thoughts?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2017 at 4:32 am

      Hi Sam,

      Since it’s been 5 weeks, you can do that to start slowly building rapport

  19. Avatar

    Sara

    November 6, 2017 at 2:46 am

    Hi. On day 3 he texted “hi”and I ignored him. Today is day 6 and he texted ” are you going to stay mad at me”. He thinks I’m mad at him and that is why I haven’t replied to his texts. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      HI Sara,

      when and why did you break up? How long was the relationship?

  20. Avatar

    Nia

    October 23, 2017 at 7:20 am

    Hi Chris…
    Me and my boyfriend having break because we have big problem and we agree to have a break for a month to think about what we really want in our realtionship. It’s been a week we having a break with no contact at all and in 4 days is his birthday, should I wish him happy birthday?
    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      Hi Nia,

      It’s not a no contact period because it’s an agreement of not talking to each other between the both you.. He’s not suppose to know that you’re doing nc.. But even if it’s like that, you shouldn’t greet him..

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