Should I Wish My Ex A Happy Birthday- The Case For & Against

158 thoughts on ““Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now”

Ameena

April 1, 2020 at 10:44 am

I forgot to wish my boyfriend and he is very angry with me what should I do ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 2, 2020 at 4:09 pm

Hi Ameena, apologise and suggest you go out for a belated birthday celebration – this is giving that you are in a relationship and not broken up. If you were already broken up then just go about it as normal as you are not supposed to reach out on their Birthdays during a No Contact period 🙂

marya

March 12, 2020 at 4:42 pm

hi! i ended things 2 month ago with him, one week after the break up was my birthday and he didn’t wish me happy birthday , 4 weeks after break up my grandfather died and he reached out for condolence and he was nice and kind, now 3 weeks after that and 3 weeks in no contact next week is his birthday should i wish him happy birthday? i know it makes him happy( also i want him back)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 11:23 pm

Hi Marya, so you do not reach out with a birthday message, you can get into the texting phase but make sure you understand the texting phase and the value chain. Read more articles so you understand how this process works better

Unknown

March 5, 2020 at 6:33 pm

Hi there,
I broke up with my boyfirebd and we had a long distant relationship for long period of time. However, We ended it in good manners. Actually I was the one who ended it. We haven’t spoke for a month now and his birthday is after 1 week. Should I text him with birthday wishes???

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 9, 2020 at 8:32 pm

Hey there, if you do not want your ex back then you can send a message, if you want him back then no do not reach out for the first time for his birthday

Armah

February 19, 2020 at 10:46 pm

Have dated my guy for 4 years now , he broked up with me just last year November just because he thinks am not a wife material but next month is his birthday should I wish him happy birthday for him to know how much I care or I shouldn’t and there is NC too.
Please I need your opinion

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 20, 2020 at 10:52 pm

Hey there no do not wish him a happy birthday stick to NC

Noemi

December 11, 2019 at 11:50 pm

Hello the father of my 2 month child broke up with me 6 days ago I have contact him but he just keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to talk to me to keep it only about the child, tomorrow is he’s bday I only have one day of no contact , today but I’m thinking if I should or shouldn’t message him just wishing him a happy birthday, he mentioned that he was going to contact me to see he’s child on that day . What should I do ? Should I just ignore he’s bday completely or just say happy birthday.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2019 at 6:56 pm

Hi Noemi, so you should allow your ex the space so that he has time to miss you and just allow him access to your child when you have both agreed to it. I am hoping that you didnt reach out to him on his birthday so that he can see that you are giving him the space that he said he wants from you

yash

November 24, 2019 at 1:29 pm

Hi
So my boyfriend stopped speaking to me like two months ago. There was a whole misunderstanding that happened. He ended up telling me to stay away from him despite doing nothing to him. I don’t even know what we are at the moment. I deleted his number but he still has mine. It was his birthday two days ago but I didn’t wish him. Im not even sure if he cares that i didn’t wish him. What should I do? I really miss and love him.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 6:15 pm

It sounds like you are broken up so I would start reading the information and prepare yourself to reach out to get some sort of friendly conversation started with your ex agian

Natasa

November 11, 2019 at 10:46 pm

Hello !me and my boyfriend were together for almost 4 years ..he broke up with me 3 and a half months ago ,we did not contact for a month or so and after that i contacted him several times in order to get back together but he told me that he didn’t want to get back together or be in a relationship generally , because he got tired .A week ago was my birthday and he texted me happy birthday..now his birthday is coming up in 3 days ,should i text him or not ?
Lover

November 4, 2019 at 4:59 pm

Today is my ex’s birthday. We broke up one week after sharing a really wonderful 4 year anniversary together. We’ve never been on-off or experienced anything like this before. There was no big fight or bickering leading up to it. Just a ton of sadness and dissatisfaction with life/the future on his end. I could tell he needed some space to work on himself and his burnout/depression (pertaining to his professional life, somewhat of an early 20s end of college crisis). I never tried to fix him nor do I take it personally that he needed to break up. I supported him until he was strong enough to be honest with himself – at which point I told him I was proud of him for breaking up and doing something about how he’s been feeling. If you love someone you let them go… I really love him.

I have maintained no contact since the moment he walked out because I think space is best. I truthfully have no idea what the future has in store for us and I’m starting to make peace with that. I never begged before or after the break-up. He reached out two weeks after he ended things (he probably just missed me) to catch up and I respectfully declined because that felt wrong… if he wants time and I think he needs it… it’s better to do the hard thing and say no to his efforts. Also, I need to heal first. It has been a little over three weeks of no contact.

I think a short message might be a good idea just to reinforce that there are no hard feelings but I don’t want to seem like I’m looking to start a conversation with him or win him back. I have no intention of being with him (especially in his current state) or anyone else for a while. I just need more time alone to do my own thing. What would you do? Wish him happy birthday or stick to silent support from afar?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 6:50 pm

Hi L, I love how composed and emotionally strong you are! That’s some real self respect and control there. So if you are set on not getting back with him until he is in a better place and working on himself, then you can reach out as a friend but you put yourself in a friendzone for the future. We do recommend that you do not send a birthday message during the No Contact. So, I would complete a 30 day NC just to give you both the space for now and then reach out as a friend when it is over

Lola

October 24, 2019 at 5:25 pm

Quick question my no contact end this Saturday and my ex birthday is next week Saturday should i go ahead and contact him or wait a few days after his birthday?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 24, 2019 at 8:36 pm

Reach out with a hook text when your No Contact ends but avoid reaching out on his actual birthday – I would maybe reach out a second time a couple of days later

Elaine

October 9, 2019 at 3:45 am

My birthday was last month and he texted me something along the lines of “happy birthday. I hope you have fun and stay safe”,

His birthday is coming up in about a week and I am attempting NC now after 3months of begging & pleading(I know….) Will it be okay for me to wish him a quick happy birthday? I’m not expecting him to respond with a text that will constitute us in getting back together right away but I didnt want to NOT acknowledge his birthday. Please advise.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 9, 2019 at 8:23 pm

Elaine, if you’re in NC do not reach out to him over his birthday if you want him back. Stay silent

Steph

October 5, 2019 at 9:50 pm

Hi. On day 21 of NC. I’m the one who told him I was given them some space. Tomorrow is his bday should I continue with NC or send a simple HBD text?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 6, 2019 at 2:36 pm

Under no circumstances do you message him happy birthday during NC 🙂 Continue your No Contact to the end without any reaching out

Keily

September 7, 2019 at 9:07 am

I have broke up with my BF myself shall I wish him happy birthday if I have admitted a mistake breaking up with his and want him back? He is in NC with me now. Any opinions?

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 10:07 pm

Hey Keily, if he is NC you and it has been less than 30 days since you reached out then NO don’t send the text. Let there be a 30 day period before you reach out to him again and send a text that is suggested through the materials here. Something interesting and that will get his attention 🙂

MB

June 19, 2019 at 3:18 pm

I kind of regret saying Happy Birthday. We were friends after a break up, then 3 years long distance and then 2 months living together and it was terrible. He threatened to leave 3 times after arguing and the third threat I threw my hands up in the air and he left. I did the usual crying and pleading. He didn’t seem that interested in me, but made a little effort and ultimately moved back in two weeks later. I was shocked after he moved back in lock, stock, and barrel and paid hardly any attention to me, and said he was only going to stay with me for three day weekends (Fri Sat Sun). I thought it was very rude not to discuss that before moving in, but I tried to distract myself and give it some thought. When he said he was going back to his place a day early on Sunday, I confronted him and ultimately broke up with him. I told him why, that I wasn’t mad, that it wasn’t his fault and that I was sorry. I knew it hurt him even though he lost his attraction for me and I had every reason to get myself out of the situation. Well, on the 14th day of no contact he showed up at my door unexpectedly to get his mail that he didn’t need. I think he was surprised that I was being nice and unemotional and not talking about “us”. He left the truck running, so to signal that it would be a very short visit, and it was short, but not bad. So I had no intention of wishing him Happy Birthday on day 17, but I was torn because of the “visit” and such a short time since breaking up. Was it more cruel to do or not not do? I debated and then put myself out there with no expectations. Afterward (it’s only been an 48 minutes), no response. I was mostly afraid he had changed his number, but it seems the text went through. I will be hurt if he doesn’t say thanks, but I knew this lol. If he doesn’t respond, that is a response! And yes it has set me back for a minute.
Sia

April 23, 2019 at 6:22 am

Hi, my ex boyfriend broke up with me in February and I reached out in March. But haven’t reached out since. Thursday is his birthday but I feel like he would get upset. Do I still wish him a happy birthday from the kindness of my heart or just stop texting completely
Afrah

April 15, 2019 at 10:31 am

I was in a relationship for 3 years. We had a lot of fights but we always made up eventually. Things were good the past few months but all of a sudden out of the blue he wanted to break up and said that he wants to focus on his career. Later I got to know he went through some rejection. I am trying to give him space but it’s his birthday tomorrow. Do you think I should leave a voice message just to stir up his emotions? He even unfriended me from every social media.
Lee

April 4, 2019 at 5:04 am

I was in a long distance relationship for 15 months. He has been very unresponsive to my messages and calls durng the last month. After me spamming him on whatsapp asking him to tell me whats going on he responded that he cant do it this anymore. He just has no time and that he is working a lot. That was 2 days ago.
We didnt end on end terms.
His birthday is next week. I guess i should just ignore him, right?
Maria

March 17, 2019 at 11:27 pm

Today is my ex boyfriends birthday. We were in a long distance relationship and unfortunately his parents werent agreeing with the idea of us to be together. They wanted him to date someone there but he was all like people are fake and that he wanted me only. But now things got changed after that, he started to act defensive, he was hiding some things, didnt call me as much as I wanted to, telling me he was busy and that he would love to call me, acted different, started to think negative about our “future”. I even sent him something via post, in real life like a drawing and some cute stuff ,but it wasnt for his birthday, and he loved it a lot. But the distance was it and he faded away and started to agree with his parents that we cant be together. He knew I was sweet and a very caring person and he still thinks I am. He said he couldn’t live without me but I in the end he accepts the idea of not being with me anymore and that he cant do anything about it.
Also he started highschool, his 12th year and he is a lot stressed. Weve broken up for like 2 months ago
Idk should I apply the rule? I feel like I should but I am still very unsure about that.

Chris Seiter

March 18, 2019 at 10:19 pm

Hi Maria…It might be the best course of action given all the things you have tried before. Almost always best to change strategies if what you are doing is not getting any traction. Pick up my Program’s “EBR Guide Pro” so you can come up to speed on how all this works.

Mimi

October 3, 2018 at 3:27 pm

Hi EBR Team,

I’m in a very long distance relationship (continents away). We met overseas and wanted to work after 4 days of interacting. On and off for 2 years (first year he chased me for months on two different occasions because he’d messed up). And officially together for 9 months since January and we’ve met each other’s families.

I felt he was growing distant or perhaps just really stressed from starting school and a new job. I called 11 days ago to check up on him and ask if everything was okay and the conversation took a turn when I asked directly if we still had the same goals of being together permanently in a few years (He has been to see me 3 times since January and I just came back from meeting his family last month where he lives). I wasn’t satisfied with the response and so I tearfully wished him well and ended things. We both said we still loved each other.

Two days afterwards he texted “How are you doing today?” and we had a very short and bland conversation where he mentioned school was great but work wasn’t. Three days after that (5 days post break up) he texts me his usual morning greeting, a very affectionate/loving good morning. I take longer than I usually would to respond and reply that he can call if he wants to talk to me and that my heart is not a toy essentially. He calls me later that day and initially pretends everything is normal and then gets upset and explains that he hadn’t wanted the relationship to end but we wouldn’t work out because someone’s always upset among other reasons. He calls me a few hours later to continue the conversation, again pretends like everything is normal between us and mentions how stressful work is. After we both clarify a few points on how we feel he says he’s stressed/needs to relax, that he never wanted to stop talking to me, that he’ll always care about me. Says he felt I was too good for him and will always be having to catch up with me (hence his being 23 and just now starting school and my being 25 and looking to complete a masters). We both wind up crying and saying goodbye. I let him know that I just needed time and it was painful to interact at the moment. He said he would be a stranger until I stopped being one. That conversation was 6 days ago and I’ve done NC ever since. His birthday is in 9 days. Wondering whether in my situation it’s best to reach out since he’s always done most of the chasing or continue with no contact for a month.

Thanks for reading!

Chris Seiter

October 5, 2018 at 2:32 am

Hi Mimi!

15 days of NC is short. I would follow thru with the plan. I hope you have my eBook as it will help you immensely!

Mary

May 1, 2018 at 9:10 pm

I have been in an on again and off again relationship for 3 years. The last few months have been NC but in the last week or so we met up, had a big highly emotional discussion in which I felt he still very much wanted to be friends. We were drinking and the next day he called and asked if everything was ok but also said he didn’t remember much of the previous night and asked me what happened. So I tried explaining and sent him an email and then we talked again. He said he was ambivalent about being friends, a bit take it or leave it. I felt he was not being completely honest with me, not giving me answers to direct questions about things that had happened that I wanted clarified. I sent him an email saying if we are to be friends that I needed honesty from him. He emailed and said don’t contact me, but then we talked again. The last contact we had was amicable. He had a big presentation. I fb messaged him after he gave it and asked him how it went, saying he should be proud of his work and hoped it went well. No reply, but in the past he hasn’t always replied to fb messages even when we were together. So I have no idea what that means or how he took it. It’s his birthday on the weekend and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to be with this guy, he is completely hot and cold on me, but I do want to be friends. If it was me I’d be hurt if he didn’t wish me happy birthday but maybe it’s better if I leave him alone. Please help?!

Chris Seiter

May 1, 2018 at 9:37 pm

Hi Mary..thanks for dropping by. My first suggestion is you should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. Right now we have around 1500 people in it (mostly women) and all these folks have been through some kind of breakup experience. There is a lot of synergy and information sharing and I show up weekly to do live webcasts. Just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. I think it will benefit you as you work through what, if anything, you want from this relationship. I agree his behavior has been hot/cold and that contributes mightily to one’s emotional confusion as to what it all means. My gut tells me to give him wide berth….lots of space and to focus on your own recovery for now. In time, your feelings will get more centered and you will know what you want from this and whether friendship is worth the emotional aggravation/disappointment derived from his behavior. Let me know how things go for you Mary!
Mary

May 2, 2018 at 6:00 am

Many thanks. Just to clarify we were on and off over 3 years but we lived together during that time. When you say I should give him space, do you think it should be 45 days, 90 days, a year or forever? At the moment I would like to take steps to repair the friendship. Even though there weren’t any major issues like cheating, trust and respect are pretty low right now.
Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 1:46 am

As I discuss in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” you should look at something between 21 to 45 days. Everybody’s situation is unique. But remember, what counts is what you do for yourself during this period.

Birthday Girl

April 18, 2018 at 8:36 pm

Hi EBR,
My ex and I have been broken up for almost 5 months now after a 4 year relationship. After no contact, he reached out to me and we started casually talking before my birthday. He then wished me a “Happy early birthday” the day before, and a couple days later we got into another massive argument which landed us back in no contact, which has just ended. He reached out to me again, I responded with a short, positive response and left it at that. Now his birthday is in a few days and I am wondering if I should message him a happy birthday, if I should send him the same low effort “happy early birthday” he sent me, if I should wait til it has passed and message him “happy belated” asking how it was, or if I just shouldn’t message him at all.
I have done a lot of work to feel better about myself since our break-up, especially because he has been quite nasty over the course of the few months. Would not messaging him make it seem like I’ve moved on and freak him out, or should I try to connect with him by being nice?
Thanks in advance!

Chris Seiter

April 18, 2018 at 9:55 pm

Hi there Birthday Girl. I love your moniker! 4 years is a good amount of time as it gives some roots to the relationship. Yes, I think a little birthday wish would be OK. The aim here is to keep communications positive and move forward slowly, repairing the damage…almost like you are dating for the first time. Good job on working on “You”! That is important. If you need a comprehensive game plan, that consider any of my core ebooks (Menu/Products link). There are some other resources there as well! Its a good thing to have a blueprint of what to do, when, how, etc. And trust me, my books are lengthy! Let me know how things turn out.

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158 thoughts on ““Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now”