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206 thoughts on “9 Reasons For Why An Ex Will Text You After A Breakup”

  1. Avatar

    Star

    November 18, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    You brought up the following in the article:

    Signs that your ex is sending you a text to get back together:-

    Asks about your day
    Mentions talking to your friends or family
    Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
    He asks to see you to talk
    Says he has a question to ask you
    He brings up inside jokes
    He calls you by your pet name
    He gives you compliments
    He asks to get back together

    My ex mentioned a sentimental family memory, mentioned how beautiful I look (Facebook pics, which he liked and loved) and other compliments. This was just under two months of no contact. Since then (a couple of weeks) it has been silent. What is that?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Star,

      It’s still here.. That’s good..it means you’re making progress..have you transitioned to calls?

  2. Avatar

    Sprinx

    November 17, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    Hi,
    Going through no contact period and he text me saying he still loves me but as a friend and kept repeated that he values my friendship and still has love for me in another text. In earlier txts through out the week he was asking me to do stuff for him like find him something on Craigslist list. And I told him sounds like something you would have your girlfriend do for you… He didn’t acknowledge that statemebt. Then sent another text days later saying he was going to give me something when he is done with work next week. Then he sent me a video of all of together hanging out as a family at his house said he loved me and to tell my daughter he loved her too and commented that the video app he used to create the family video is cool…so confused…please help me decifer this 🙁

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:56 am

      Hi Sprinx,

      You’re friendzoned.. And you have to restart nc, because nc means no initiating and no replying.

  3. Avatar

    Megan

    October 17, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    I am terrible at describing situations perfectly, which is evident from the Reddit responses I received so keep in mind you dont have the whole context:

    I moved to Seattle August of 2016 and was having a blast. I went to a yard sale and purchased furniture from this guy later thinking I should have asked for his number. A week later we matched on Bumble and when we realized how we had already met had a good laugh and things just progressed from there. He is a year younger than me and has dated only one woman prior which lasted a little over a year and ended because he felt overwhelmed and ran. He comes from a small town and isn’t someone who wants to rush the romantic aspects of his life, he doesn’t believe in divorce and as a mathematics man he feels he needs a pool of experiences to make such a decision about who he’ll spend his life with. I commanded a proper date and he took me to a baseball game. At the time I wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was he, so I had no reservations about hooking up the first night. I didn’t plan to see him again (not because I didn’t like him) but he left his jacket at my house. The hookups continued for a couple weeks and we made the decision to be exclusive for health and ease. Gradually over the next couple months it turned into a real relationship. In November I had fallen for him and let it slip in December. He pulled away and was very open about the fact that the L word scares him. We had broken after this and gotten back together because he wanted to try again only to result in him saying he thinks he came back for the wrong reasons. I believe I had made the mistake of letting him back in without any real change on his part. I moved back home with my family to look for work (August) and he just left from visiting for the weekend days ago, we had a wonderfully in-depth and calm talked and he wants to date more women while I am secure in my wants from our relationship. He admits to putting up a wall because he knows things will become serious for him as well if he doesn’t. He laid down a lot of boundaries he needed and I had not so we agreed I should. I told him consider me gone when you leave tomorrow and if you realize you made a mistake it will be a challenge to come back because I will be skeptical. He liked that because it gives him space and creates a challenge; “If you love something let it go and if it is meant to be”- Him. I felt this was a logical boundary to put-forth.
    I am only confused bc when he questioned coming to see me I didn’t try to convince him (in an effort to lay down boundaries) and just said fine don’t come. In our talk he said he was trying to start a dialogue and that that wasn’t the right move but also didn’t know I was working on not having codependent tendencies. I am breaking contact and allowing him to come to me, not sure what I will do if/when he does. In his opinion cutting him out was the wrong approach when he questioned visiting me (we had spent weeks calmly discussing concerns of this visit and settled it then the debating text came in) and yet he thinks I need to “let him go” so he can build experiences and determine what matters to him. I am confused? Completely cut him out or is he saying don’t give up on me I just need space? I understand him more than any man I have ever dated but I am still not sure how to progress in a way that helps us both grow independently and closer together. Keep in mind this mans actions towards me fully support the fact that he loves and cares for me or I wouldn’t think twice about it. We both have grown a lot since the day we met and I am not oblivious to my own imperfections.
    I am 28 and he will be 27 in December. We have been in each others lives for 1 year and 2 months.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Megan,

      Why not ask him that?

  4. Avatar

    suman

    July 27, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    hey..I want to ask you about my situation. me and my ex were dated for 4 years and its been a 2 months now we broke up.actually we broke up on our 4th anniversary bcoz i got drank and i slap him in front of his 2 friends. i was so angry that he was busy with his work and he didn’t wish me neither i did and i was also busy with my bestie who came to town for some work so i thought we are meeting in the night so ill wish him everything was going good only but i ruined it and make it worse in my ego. actually just 3 months back i shifted to his hometown and he shifted to his hometown 8months back only. he dont want me to shift right now bcoz i was not doing well with my work and professional so he told me to complete my everything backlogs so after that shift but i thought it is going so hard to talk or communicate so its get better if i shift there and ill do my work and he will do his work but i feel he thought i am gonna restrict him from everything and just now he started his work so he got panicked. bcoz from 1 month he was telling me it is going very hard to handle bcoz i am so possessive about what he is doing? where he is going? so i was stupid but we are having good going also but by slapping him was big mistake bcoz he warned me previously when i did same to him that its gonna be first and last i wont forgive you but i was mad. for same days after brake up he blocked me and i did try for 15 days but he wont want to come back so i stoped talking to him for 15 days after that one day i messaged him and now we are talking and we meet 2 times by my random visite to him and 1 time he ask me to meet and we had good time and drink and long drive. we didnt talk about any topic love and break up anything but i saw his love for me by his body and talk. i did one mistake that i made some cards for him to asking him back and love you all so i forget to give him and that was i kept his back seat of the car that when i go ill give him but i didnt told him about that. when he get to know he was little bit angry that u should told me this and y u thinking all of this. i thought we are generally meeting and doing hangout so i got upset and didnt messaged him for a week then i cant stop to talk so i messaged him and he told me i am busy ill talk to you night and he only messaged me and we talked about my work and now i asked him about to meet and have a drink with me like we both enjoyed that day when we hangout so he told me he will meet me on this weekend. see i really love him and i did so many mistakes so its very hard for him to come back to me. please tell me how to make this all okay and again he trust me like he did and i want him back please help me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 29, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      He got angry that you still had feelings for him?

  5. Avatar

    fifi

    June 19, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Hi EBR,

    I’ve gotten all these after 5.5 months separation:

    Mentions talking to your friends or family
    Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
    He asks to see you to talk
    Says he has a question to ask you

    However, he seemed to be an emotionally unavailable person from the last time i met (he refused eye contact)
    And i found out, the less engaged i am with him, he will initiate some conversation with me. (he is an introvert)
    Should I just move on, or keep building rapport?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2017 at 2:42 pm

      If he’s an introvert..it would really take time..so just keep building rapport

  6. Avatar

    Macey

    June 14, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    HI Amor:

    I would like to know what you think about my situation. I was dating a guy for about a year and a half and then relocated to his hometown to live with him. He thought I wanted to be back where I used to live but I didnt, and he broke up with me. I got my own apartment down the street and then we got back together after three weeks. We stayed together for four months and he broke up with me again in March saying our relationship was not sustainable and that I needed to work on myself and get to my happy place. Said he still loved me and didn’t know what the future would bring but if it were to bring us back together, itd have to be from a place where we were both happy and whole in our existence. It is not June 14th and I have successfully not spoken to him for 35 days. He tried to text me on June 1st saying he knew i was taking an exam and that he hoped it went well. I didn’t reply. His birthday was two days later and I did not reply. I recently made a match.com account and I saw he’s on there and he viewed my profile. I still love him and want to get back together but dont know what to do.

    1. Avatar

      Macey

      June 21, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      HI Amor:

      So I initiated contact the other day. He sent a message asking me how a test went that I recently took. I told him it went well, that I hoped he had a lovely birthday which was two weeks prior and to take care. He said I hope you are well. I said I am and that I made some friends. But then I asked him if he saw a new tv show that we used to watch. He sent back a good message about yes him seeing it and he was happy that I was making friends. Then I tried to keep the messages going by sending him a funny youtube video. But he didn’t respond. So then I asked him about 4 hours later “Do you think you’d want to see me again?” He said I don’t know. I do miss you but it’s probably best not to complicate things. I said I understood and that I missed him very much. He didn’t say anything so then I asked him “if you were me would you move ?” this enticed him I think because he asked me where I was going to move to ( i currently live down the street from him) I said somewhere other than where I am now, he said that I could probably use some stability in my life etc. and that I should try and focus on being confident on my own and to try and make the town my own now. He said he was sorry for the way things ended up. I said okay, thank you for listening and I said I still thought he was special. He said he was glad to help, sleep well, and that he still thought I was special too. After that, I sent him this big text about what I missed about our relationship, I said I didn’t expect a response, and how I wanted to give him a note with everything we ever did someday. He didn’t answer. So later that evening I asked him if he would meet me at the park just to talk. He said I’m sorry but I can’t do today, what do you want to talk about? I said i dk nvm, i wanted to give you the note I wrote and to say bye. He didn’t answer. Then I had a meltdown and decided to change my number. THoughts?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      You have to restart nc and avoid starting convos like that becausebit was obvious that you wanted to get back with him

    3. Avatar

      Macey

      June 20, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Hi Macey:

      I initiated contact yesterday and started off asking about something for my mother. He asked me how a test went that I had recently taken. I said it went well. It took him a while to respond after I texted him back. He said he hoped that I was well. I said I was and that I made friends. He said he was glad to hear it. I asked him if he saw the new twin peaks that him and I used to watch. Took him 2 hours and 45 minutes to respond but said yes he did and how it was crazy etc….but supposed to be like that. I then tried to text him again with a funny youtube video but he never answered. So after five hours, I deided to just ask him “Do you think you’d want to see me again?” He said, I don’t know, I do miss you but it’s probably best not to complicate things. I said I understood and that I missed him veery much. Then I asked him if he were me, would he move? Then we got into a discussion about me moving from this town because I moved up here for him. He told me I should stay and gain some stability and confidence on my own and be happy. He said he was sorry things worked out the way they did. I thanks him for helping me figure out if I should move or not and I said I still think he’s special. He said he was glad to help and said i’m sure things will work out ok and he said he still thinks I’m special too. I then sent him this big message about what I really missed about our relationship, a time when he used to sing to me when we slow danced. I also said that I wrote down everything we actually did and I was going to give it to him someday and I said sometime perhaps I’ll give it to you. I told him I didn’t expect him to respond. He didn’t respond. What do you think?

    4. Avatar

      Macey

      June 17, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      I have improved a lot, I have been seeing a therapist, joined a gym in the area, even made a new friend. I workout now everyday and joined a field hockey team. I actually decided to delete the match.com account because I couldn’t stand looking at anyone else and I was feeling sad seeing his picture on it.

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 7:23 pm

      initiate contact so you can slowly rebuild rapport..check this one:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      Hi Macey,

      how much did you improve and how active were you in posting?

  7. Avatar

    Vanessa

    June 3, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    Do you think we will ever talk again? I feel like we both made mistakes & im hurt by some of the things he said, but he has always been my friend first & foremost

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      more likely he will, when he can see that you’re living your own life..

  8. Avatar

    Vanessa

    June 3, 2017 at 1:48 am

    my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago because i got mad that he liked a half naked pic of a girl on IG. He initially ignored me because he said it was nonsense. that made me furious & i flipped out on him. I told him i couldn’t stand him, he wasn’t shit, he needs to be single because he’s ignoring me. He had told me the night before that he was stressed out in his life. So after our big fight, he text me & said that he said he would call me back later when he got back home & never did. I reached out to him & tried to ask him why he never called & he said he wasn’t ignoring me & needed space, but the way he was talking felt like he wanted to break up but never actually said it. so we talked for awhile but nothing was resolved. he started ignoring me again. so later on in the week, i kept reaching out to him asking to talk to me..no response. I noticed later on in the week he tweeted that he was “so happy” & posting pics saying he never been this happy. Mind you we were good before this fight, we had went out on a date & had a great time. Then I noticed he unfollowed me off of twitter, so i panicked. I sent him a text basically saying i see u are done so I’m walking away. No response. I then blocked him off of social media because i realized that he was slowly starting to do that. & i didn’t want to get upset all over again if I look & find out he unfollowed me. So another week goes by & i reach out to him because my mom had to go to the doctor. He responded to me but was cold. I told him I needed someone be there for me & he said he would be there for me as a friend. Then I started panicking & begging for him back. (I know..pathetic) but he wasn’t budging. he made it seem like we had a bunch of problems & I was a bad person, & i wasn’t there for him & Im always there for him. Granted when we broke up the first time for a period of time, I know i hurt him & I know i wasn’t the nicest person to him, so i feel like he was just fed up. So i told him i wasn’t giving up while we were texting & he never responded. I waited a few hours & i texted him that i basically will not be made to be the bad person anymore & no response. So the next day he texted me twice abt my mom & i didn’t reply. I attempted to do no contact but i ended up texted him 2 days later. I asked him if he could call me & he said very coldly I’m out right now & asked abt my mom, I replied back that i felt alone & he said that i wasn’t. Then i told him that I needed him to just be here & listen (I know pathetic) He said everything will be ok. I told him i would feel better if i heard his voice, but he didn’t respond. So the next day i talked to my mom abt everything & i began to feel bad about the part i played in our relationship, so i texted him one more time & basically said i apologize for everything & i hope one day we can be friends. No response of course. But i have started no contact. I guess my question is, why didn’t he just tell me that he didn’t want to be with anymore instead of ignoring me & slowly unfollowing off of social media? why didn’t he just tell me he wanted to breakup instead of ignoring me? & Why is he acting like i was bad person? Is it because of the things i did in the past when we broke up? Because he did say he was fed up. We were good before all of this & I told him that but he said things got out of control.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Vanessa,

      probably because that’s the easier way for him, he doesnt want to deal with the drama..

  9. Avatar

    Sally

    June 2, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    My ex is an avoidant and I’m anxious. We worked through a lot of it the second time round and improved but then started to let things slip. I had a lot of work stress that I brought home. Because of the stress, he felt like he was getting all the grief. We had a few stressful days and before I knew it an innocent text turned into a big argument. I was looking for him to make the next step and he was looking for me to be independent. He said that I should leave him to his indecision. Knowing what an avoidant is like, I worry he won’t be back.

    1. Avatar

      Sally

      June 8, 2017 at 7:42 am

      So yesterday there was a work do and I decided I would go. After all why should I be sitting at home? I didn’t tell him I was going because I am in strict no contact but when he saw me he tried to get my attention. I was trying to remain cool about it but he then started speaking to me. He was annoyed at me not telling him I was going, but I don’t really care as I don’t need to tell him anything anymore. He initiated the conversation which I was annoyed about because I wanted to be with others. I didn’t spend the whole evening with him, but I fear it has put me back a few too many steps. I was doing so well with no contact and then he barged his way in. There weren’t many of us, so hard for us not to hear our conversations with others. Has this set me back?i have gone back to no contact, but does this mean I have to start again? Is it best just to stay away at all costs even if I miss out?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      nope, you’re ok.. you dont have to restart

    3. Avatar

      Sally

      June 3, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      So as he broke up with me, should I continue with nc until day 30, build rapport and then when in a relationship discuss and go to counselling? Or do I mention it before a relationship starts?
      Thank you for your help.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      yes, slowly build rapport and dont mention about couples counseling if you’re not back together, because that could be weird for him.

    5. Avatar

      Sally

      June 3, 2017 at 6:41 am

      Yes, i’ve always had hobbies that i do alone or with others. But i have noticed i get clingy when i feel left out or if i feel he’s flirting with other women. How do i remain calm in these situations? I get really jealous.

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 3:24 pm

      once you’re back together, get couples counseling, that way you would know how to communicate better with each other..

    7. Avatar

      Sally

      June 2, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      Yes, I’ve done a fair bit of reading the topic and am getting better at recognising the signs. I have many hobbies that I do alone and I am looking to reconnect with friends and build new relationships so that I don’t just rely on him (if he ever came back)

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 2, 2017 at 7:51 pm

      if he got tired with you and he thinks you’re clingy, and if its true, are you going to focus more on being independent now?

  10. Avatar

    Sally

    May 31, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    This is the second break up we are having and I have gone straight into no contact. He contacted me on day 2 with an apology email. To me this felt like it was sent because of his guilt and desire to ease his own feelings. I did not reply. I am worried that will be it. Will he try contacting me again? I guess I have the same fears as other women who think the man will move on and as I have already been contacted, I fear that will be it.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 1, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      why did you break up this time?

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