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Post categories
should i put the prego pic on fb or the sexy one
February 19, 2016 at 2:53 am
sexy pic or pregnant pic? he is the daddy so don`t know
should i put the prego pic on fb or the sexy one
February 19, 2016 at 6:19 pm
yes but he is not happy so dont know
sexy pic or pregnant pic
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 7:57 am
No to sexy pic for me.. I think that would be awkward.. maybe the pregnant pic could somehow touch his heart too
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 10:42 am
does he know you’re pregnant?
Fran
February 18, 2016 at 8:52 pm
I don’t know if you can help me…
My ex broke up with me nearly 4 months ago, I went no contact after 3 weeks of beginning for 30 days when I then texted him we had a really lovely lighthearted two way conversation nothing about the break up just general unfortunately 3 days into this I stupidly mentioned still having feelings for him, he blew off telling me he loved me as a person but it was time to let go move
on and leave me alone for a good deal of time. I therefore tried no contact for a further 3 weeks, when I texted him he replied in a non commit all kind of way. I have tried weekly reaching out to him but had no response everytime I try.
I miss him so much, I have a bad feeling he is seeing someone new and I just don’t know how to get close to him again. Is there anything I can try to do?
A desperate Fran
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 9:36 am
Hi Fran,
I have to be honest, he might see your efforts now as trying to get him back, that’s why he’s not replying.. if he truly sees you have moved over time, then maybe that’s when he’ll be willing to be friends again
Sunstorm
February 18, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Well, so for him to miss you he has to call and text and all these things nonstop? I mean if he does not then he surely does not miss you? What is he is stubborn, angry, whatever? Mine only called day 4 after BU and messaged both were half hearted, I broke up due to bad behavior and him not wanting to commit, since then nothing so I really questioned myself not responding because I also know that he is insecure and very stubborn but if I give in we go back to the same cycle, now things are not looking good as far as him contacting. Honestly I thought he would contact me a lot more. I did ask for time and space when I broke up but he probably thought I calmed down by day four and when I did not respond to his stupid excuse of initiating contact, he gave up. Is it that easy? In this sense I question NC honestly have doubted myself for not responding because I think in certain cases they give up, whereas if you respond they can actually miss you more just like we could be stirred up by talking to them. So everyone recommends NC but now I am really doubting myself, I almost broke down and messaged but of course I want to remain strong. Also, I find it very hard to not feel devastated and really depressed, I had a hell of a week since VDay pretty much.
Not sure why also my comments seem to not post to this site.
Sunstorm
March 4, 2016 at 3:57 pm
Amor, I can tell you that this almost 1 month was incredibly hard. Something does work about doing NC though because they can realize they lost you or will lose you. I once wrote back to one of his many emails just short about his stuff and reiterating my points remember. Yeah, well, he was very happy to hear from me in two emails and disappeared. He appeared again yesterday with a letter and a love song that made me cry for six hours. He was still very stubborn though even though he told me that he keeps buying my magazines every week, etc. and that he is stupid. I did not respond and he called me today for the first time since his attempt three days after the breakup. We had a normal conversation. Discussed a few things, he admitted some of his faults. He then wrote an email too with another song which is about me trying to tell him to listen and that he should. He was the one in the song saying something like we can work it out. So I have no idea what is going on but really after yesterday I said I was done and he lost me. I think they sense that. We will see. Even then cannot give in so easily. He told me kisses on the phone and he is usually not the type and I said thank you and when he asked me if I would take it I said I do not know maybe. To his email I respond nothing now, maybe something in a day really short. It would go along with the tide theory and do not let him think he has me already. I have no idea if he is playing or serious and I will honestly try to relax about it because if he is playing then I just have to go back to NC I guess but then no longer with the attempt to work it out. I do think this site has taught me a lot and your insights too. I am not saying I have won or gotten anywhere, we just have to see but the tension in me from not talking was enormous before. At least I will never say I have not tried.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 8:19 am
yeah… that’s a big leap.. you know it’s not bad if you don’t give in easily..that’s a natural reaction to what happened and also the smart way because you’re being cautious..Just don’t go overboard, if he really does make an effort for a week, slowly hear him out
Sunstorm
March 2, 2016 at 9:07 pm
Amor, you have helped me before. Sadly I was really set off. After the last letter he sent a love letter two days later to which I responded and I was very firm and basically turned him down. I terribly resent that now and feel I made a horrid mistake as I truly love him and not sure how I can get him back. So I guess I broke NC because I had to answer about his stuff but responded to his love letter in which he asked if it really has to be everything or nothing. To my response he never replied. I mean he did, he wrote two emails right away by thanking me for responding and how hard it was and that he will read it and digest it but the second one was just a thank you which was like bye. I responded to him on day 14 of the NC and today is day 23 but I broke it so it really is then only day 9 since then. People say that because he never responded to reiterating my previous problems with him, it means he did not really care, others say otherwise. I am totally confused about what to do. I sometimes do better and then I go into this I am stupid that I was so stubborn.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2016 at 11:12 am
so, you addressed the problems in the relationship and his reply was just thank you for replying? Did you ask if you the two of could solve the problems?
Sunstorm
February 21, 2016 at 10:01 am
Amor, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You confirmed what me and many others have thought that whether deliberately or not he is playing with me. He may have always known he cannot commit. Many reasons. But still he comes back and tries to lure me in with many manipulation tactics. He hit on many points that he knew would get me going before. It greatly upset me but now I feel very reaffirmed in my decision to be very strict about NC for a long time to get over him. I have no idea where he got the rule, I did tell him when I broke up because I have asked him before not to contact me but to think over what he really wants and contact me only if he is sure he wants to move together which he was promising to do before and then he went back on it but I was also weak to break NC before. So while he does not officially know about NC, he did know what I asked for. Was it wrong to say I do not want to talk to you or see you for a while? In my opinion it was common courtesy so I did not just disappear. I also wanted to be firm and consequential but since I have forgiven too easily in the past a few times because he was still promising, I guess he keeps trying a bit to see… I agree that it is poisonous and I have no desire to go back to something that kept going downhill and after playing this I want to be with you it got to no I do not want to live together but stick around anyhow. Thanks so much for all your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2016 at 2:53 pm
You’re welcome! No, I think that’s right..For me it’s being courteous too..
Sunstorm
February 20, 2016 at 12:29 pm
Amor, I think I am in trouble, he wrote me last night and everyone told me to never respond, he is a narcissistic ahole basically, selfish, etc., how he talks about himself, I loved him, he does not say it back but said he would not because I expect living together if he says that and he cannot do that now. What should I do? Respond or not? I am completely broken down since then and today it is also only day 12 of NC, I can wait until the end too it is also risky but if I respond now or ever it is also risky, most say let him simmer in his broth. One friend tells me I should change to more positive as that broke down the relationship. Sorry to ask you but I am at my wit´s end, I am a complete emotional mess. I feel if I never respond he never initiates but he is very passive otherwise too just his personality and the religious differences made him doubt this relationship very seriously. This is what he wrote:
Sorry to brake your rule by just sending you a mail, but I had to. I tried to call you once or twice. You probably did not pick up. I will not try again unless it is very urgent.
I just wanted to know how you are doing. You entered my life and left not only a smell of parfume, but many other things.
No, I cannot give you what you expects from the man you loved. Yes I had strong feelings and special connection with you.
Yes it was a mistake to start a relationship and to looses everything afterwards. It is hard, but I will survive. I will not do again this mistake, hopefully. The price is high and the damage for everybody is probably not in proportion with the delicious moments shared in so many situations. I promised to you, and to myself that I will not play with you. But it seems that you feel that I did. It is difficult to live with that. You, so many times being used, I do not want to be part of those people.
If you do not want to talk to me, just tell me how are. If we will not communicate, we have to think how we will deal with the business. If you want no communication, should I get back what is today with you ?
Let me know. I have so much to tell you, but it is probably not the moment
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am
Don’t respond.. But he knows about the rule? And I’m also concerned if he is like that before, don’t go back to him of he’s still like that over time after nc.. it’s a toxic relationship.. Either you’ll end up being used more or it will be cycle breaking up and going back to each other
Sunstorm
February 19, 2016 at 12:50 pm
Thank you Amor, I cannot find my original posts but will try, I did not remember where I posted them either. I was also so much in shock and hurting so much that I honestly cannot remember what I said then.
Basically I broke up because I felt and he admitted that he made mistakes, sabotaged the relationship and sometimes felt that he was deliberately punishing me, abusing me emotionally, hurting me so I would push him away, a very unhealthy dynamic developed. Most importantly due to religious differences he would not commit or said he would then went back on it. I lost trust. It felt like he could not resist me even in the LDR and he was in love with me but while he did not want to lose me, he did not value me or want me actually. So my initiating contact would just mean that we fall back into the same cycle except that I am in an even weaker position. Last week 4 days post BU I was also not ready to talk and felt this would need a more serious contemplation from him but I guess this caused him to not push it further.
I do understand this somewhat because I broke up for valid reasons and when he saw I did not just change my mind he quit. I never did NC. I tried breaking up with him once leaving him while he slept and writing to him and we did reconcile 4 days later so maybe this is why he contacted me then. I was really hurt though.
I have no idea how much he misses me or wants me if he does not reach out, this hurts terribly, I do understand why silence is the most powerful weapon. I have contemplated writing to him today as a response to a week ago but too early and I really do not want to be the one to give in. Obviously neither does he, nor does he have a solution to our situation. So probably why I gave up this morning and gave up then, I saw no future, yet the future looks really dark without him. Main thing is all I wanted him to do even if not to commit right away, to show me that I am a priority. It is driving me crazy that he does not want to talk about the whole thing. I think I need to give him time and you are right, when a guy gives up during NC then you never truly mattered and I fully believe in that.
I did ask him for time and space and that I did not want to see him or talk to him for a while. This was the second time in a week I asked for that because of the disastrous meeting we had a week before and he obviously knew there was a chance this was coming as he was really trying to call me like crazy at night for the prior week. Guess I just expected that he tries the same now, except more seriously by wanting to change some of his attitude, if not, so be it, during NC you really find out if you were important to them or not.
I do have a friend BTW who did NC twice and broke up with her boyfriend for not committing and they are married today. She told me that sometimes you have to be strong enough and someone has to lose you to realize what they lost but since it is always risky, be sure that if it backfires you are in the spot where it could not go on like that anymore.
Sorry for the novel and thanks from the bottom of my heart, we are all here because we are suffering sadly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 6:50 am
No, it’s okay… You know, write a letter to him if you want.. It helps to write everything down, sometimes they make two letter. One is really everything, no filters and even how angry they are but they don’t send it.. After writing that, they write another letter, almost same content but delivered in a calm way, sometimes even grateful way and then that’s what they send..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 9:16 am
Hi Sunstorm,
Sorry about that but I did reply to your comments and they were published in two of the blog post that you commented maybe they got topped over..
but to answer your questions, I remember from your last comments that you wanted to do nc, because you feel devalued.. I agree with putting yourself first, and if that’s the reason, nc was right
We don’t always recommend nc.. sometimes a good talk will do.. But if you said, that this has been a cycle, then talking to him again might put you back in the cycle right?
Also, some guys doesn’t message even if they miss their ex.. does he seem like that kind of guy?
I also remember you had like a no contact period too before and then you reconciled.. how was it then? How did you reconcile?
I admit, sometimes they give up but a month is actually short to just give up, and most of the time, nc is done when you can’t have a proper communication with your ex… so when you go nc, even you didn’t say it, they understand.. But if it’s just sudden, and you could have repaired it with a talk, that when the ex gets confused..
You said this has been a cycle, if he gives up after nc, that means the relationship runs because you were just comfortable with each other, it’s like it’s just a habit you can’t kick and then when nc happened, it kind of broke it.
Maggie
February 18, 2016 at 7:05 pm
I started dating a guy that I had met on a dating app. We had so much in common, and our chemistry was intense. We started out by texting each other constantly, and then had an amazing first date. So amazing that he told me we needed to delete the dating app, because he was hoping that a few more dates would lead to is being exclusive. He treated me like I was something special…he was constantly telling me how lucky he felt that I had come into his life. He told me that he was falling for me. Throughout the next week, we saw each other 4 out of 7 days, and each time we saw each other it was as electric as the first date (at least I thought so). Everything was really intense, and happening very fast. We were learning more about each other, and things seemed well on their way to us dating exclusively. Then one day he just stopped texting as much, and then not at all. When I asked him about it, he told me that he still liked me, and he didn’t understand why I felt that he didn’t. But despite saying that, I didn’t hear anything from him for the next two days. Eventually I texted him again, and he said that he had thought about it more, and that he really liked me, and thought I was a great person, but that he wasn’t sure if he was ready to be in another relationship yet. Both of us are fairly recently out of long term relationships that ended badly (mine ended in October, his ended in November). I knew it was entirely possible that he got scared and didn’t want to commit to someone yet. After a few more days of not talking, I contacted him and brought up the possibility of us being fwb. I knew he wasn’t ready for a commitment, but I thought at least this way we’d still see each other. I have done fwb in the past a couple of times, and I thought I could handle it. We only slept together once, before I realized that the feelings I had for him were too strong, and that I was going to get hurt. The next day, I sent him a message saying that I didn’t feel ready to be in a fwb relationship with him, because I still had feelings for him. I told him that I respected what he said before about not wanting to be in a relationship, and basically tried to bow out of whatever our relationship was, as gracefully as I could. I did leave the possibility of us dating open, by saying in the message that if he ever wanted to, I would definitely be open to dating again…but taking it slow next time. He sent a short reply back, saying that he understood where I was coming from, and thanked me (for what, I don’t know). That was last Wednesday. I haven’t contacted him at all since ending things. I miss him a lot, and would really like to start dating again. I was wondering if it is even possible for NC to work on a guy that I technically wasn’t exclusive with. Is it possible for him to miss me too, or am I wasting my time continuing with NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 8:28 am
Hi Maggie,
I think he thanked you for trying to understand him.. he wil miss you but I’m not sure if nc can work.. you can try though
Kanchana
February 18, 2016 at 5:01 pm
My boyfriend loves me so much and he is really very possessive..but every time I do a small mistake he tries to put the blame on me as if it is a great mistake. Also , he says that I never did anything special for him… he had askd me to answer his calls as soon as possible but if my phone is in silent mode he gets angry. He remembers all such small things and gets angry…each time he gets angry on me he’s like” have u ever done anything for me. I treated you like a princess but you didnt do anything for me” He wants me to be near him all the time . We are in a long distance for past 6 months and each time he misses me he gets frustrated and gets angry and tells he wants to break up with me. Each time we have a fight he brings up all my past mistakes including small ones too..when he gets angry he uses abusive language but I am not able to move away from him because inspite of all these problems, I know he loves me too much. But I don’t want him to exploit me. I want to have a little control over him… I dont want to be dominant but I want him atleast to listen to what I am saying. He is never ready to listen to what I am trying to say. Whenever he is angry he starts to shout at me over the phone. When he uses abusive language I feel hurt too much and say bye to him because I feel I should not prolong the arguments. But he says” don’t say bye when I am talking to you. Even if I fight with you , I want you to argue with me but dont leave me”
Before two days he said ” u r not listening to what I say …u have not done anything for me. So I want to leave you. I will look for a girl to marry( I am from india…arranged marriages are common here. So he says he will have an arranged marriage). I can’t live without him and I don’t want to leave him..he loves me so much but creates a problem for all little things n puts the blame on me… what should I do? Should I leave him?(bcz he is getting too angry for small reasons) or should I continue with him?(I just wish that u ask me to continue with him. Btw I love him so much). Pls help.
I jus want him to understand my situation also..(am suspicious that his family members are trying to separate us). Pls help
My regards.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 8:06 am
Hi Kanchana,
When you said, you love him too much, that just confirmed why he’s abusing you verbally.. That’s not love. That’s possesiveness, true love doesn’t abuse. You can live without him but honestly, no matter what we say here, it’s up to you whether you will value and respect yourself and put a stop to this.. You cannot control other people but it will always be up to you, how you allow other people to treat you..
If they see you’re ok with being abused, you will get abused.. So, value yourself and have standards, so other people will value you too.
Katy
February 18, 2016 at 2:41 pm
It’s been about 3 months since the break up I imitated no contact but when I tried talking to him it didn’t go well I haven’t talked to him since and that was in the beginning of January he seems pretty stubborn. What should I do now? Do I still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 4:45 pm
Hi Katy,
You could try and did you follow Chris’ tips on texting?
Katrine
February 18, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Hello.
Me and my boyfriend broke up about a week ago. We have our differences and it’s not always easy but I really feel that he gives up too fast. We have been dating for 1,5 year and have been living together for about 1/2 a year. He broke up with me because he felt that I was not happy and that made him feel inadequate. We were arguing about stupid things like cleaning in the end. Since I had to study on top of taking care of absolutely everything at home I became really stressed out and annoyed at everything. Of course I love him and I want him back especially since he is beginning to finally contribute to taking care of the workload at home.
Since we are both students we don’t have the money to move from our apartment just yet. I’m trying the nc rule but it’s difficult since I have to live with him. I wan’t him to miss me and see that we can work to have a better relationship. Unfortunately he is as stubborn as a donkey and refuses to see any reason. I’m at my wits end because even though I’m out being social and enjoying myself, he doesn’t seem to care whatsoever. And it’s really difficult having to “fake it” sometimes since we live together. I want our relationship back because we make each other better and we both still love each other.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 6:09 pm
Hi Katrine,
think of it as choosing to be silent instead of saying something that you will regret later
Anna
February 18, 2016 at 12:34 pm
Hi there. Just looking for some insight and advice really.
I broke up with my bf in September, I initiated it as he said he didn’t know whether he loved me or what he wanted. Since then i have never contacted him, there’s been no reason to do so. However, he contacts me probably every 2-3 weeks, just sending texts asking how i am, saying that it’s strange we don’t talk etc. Sometimes, he just sends me photos of things i know i like (eg his dog). I generally don’t respond to his messages, unless he asks a question etc, as otherwise there’s no point.
so just after new year, he messaged me to wish me happy new year and suggested that we meet up for coffee. I replied and said “sure, sounds good”. since then, there’s been no response to that and no attempt to meet up. The last contact i had with him was a text he sent three weeks later, of a photo saying “saw this and thought of you”. i didn’t reply.
So my question is – what is he playing at and what does he want? is he after an ego boost – esp now that he knows i would meet him? is it all a game to him? i know that he would never have expected me to cut contact and i am confident that no girl has done this before to him, so is this just an attempt to prove to himself that he could have me? i would love to meet up with him and see what happens, but i just don’t understand what he’s playing at and what i should do. any advice gratefully appreciated 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 4:51 pm
Hi Anna,
it can be because he didn’t address why he didn’t reply… If you’re not in nc, build up the connection first through text.. reply to him and end the conversation in high note politely..but observe if he really makes an effort for you if he asks you out again and then he doesn’t reply again… time to move on and stop going in circles with him
Hanzelle
February 18, 2016 at 10:42 am
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend is breaking up almost every 2nd week after 5days he contact me, but I don’t respond on any of his calls or messages. after 5 day I respond and then everything is fine between us like nothing happened, we never talk about why we broke up so much, most of the times if we grow apart for some time its only because we had a bad night with friends and we were arguing and then the distance come for a week no talking to each other nothing, but I trilly love him and doensnt want this relationship to be like that anymore I want us to be happy everyday of ou lives. can you give any advice please.?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 4:15 pm
Hi Hanzelle,
how long hav you been together? You mean this has been a cycle?
Edith
February 18, 2016 at 8:44 am
So my ex boyfriend broke up with me because I found out he was flirting with a certain girl. Its been over two months and he has not attempted to contact me in anyway, he even unfriended me on facebook. I want to know if I should pursue getting him back and if I do, how should I do it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 3:51 pm
Hi Edith,
The question is why and why not do you think you should try again?
Param
February 18, 2016 at 7:35 am
I am on no contact rule its just my 3rd day of not contacting him, his birthday is coming after 10 days, what do you think should i text him to wish him for his birthday.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 3:27 pm
Hi Param,
Yiu can just greet him but you can’t engagee in a conversation… If he replies.. don’t text back
Joanne
February 18, 2016 at 6:19 am
Hi,
My ex broke up with me (about 4 month) with the reason he can’t our future which I want to get marry and he jz started his uni and want to chase his dream (His age is 23 and I 31). He told me that not my fault and problem. I have go through NC for 30days and in the 30days he never contact me at all. I find out he so happy after broke up with me. At the 1st place he don’t want to be friend but after a few month he told me that he need keep his promise to be friend (he promise me to be friend if we broke up when we was together). He told me he care me as a friend and impossible he will fall in love with me again. I’m always the person who start to text him. I also try to ask him out for coffee but he always refuse although he say he will come out for coffee with me when he was free. What should I do now to get him back? I don’t know if he still love me or not but I still love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 3:12 pm
Hi Joanne,
You’re chasing him and the more you chase, the more he runs.. He said he’s just wants to be friends because he had to, and it’s impossible to get back with you..
To be honest, I don’t think he still loves you and he’s just being nice now.. If you really want to attract him back.. you have to put yourself first.. you have to love yourself enough to know that you don’t need him and you can do without him..that he’s only an addition to your already happy life
Crystal GA
February 18, 2016 at 1:47 am
It’s been almost 1 year since my breakup. Background: We are college age (I graduated 2 months ago). We are on opposite sides of the world. We were LDR for almost 8 months (during which he visited once), and we used to text daily and skype weekly. Then, he said LDR was too hard and he didn’t see us having a future and that I can blame him for the breakup. I came to this site soon after it. I did the 30 days of no-contact. Didn’t delete him (I know he has looked at my profile occasionally). I tried sending the text to get a conversation started like “Guess where I went yesterday?” …. and later, “I went to the park the other day with friends. It reminded me of the time when…” got neutral responses and ended shortly. After, a mutual friend messaged him about me and was meddling, basically, and told me what he said. Later, I tried sending a funny meme and got a response days later, but it ended with very neutral comments. It had been over 2 months by then. 2 weeks later, I told him since he said he “was sorry, I forgive you. I think the friendship we had was important and I would like to talk as just friends.” A week later, he said “I hope so. But it feels weird to me to talk to you like before we dated. I need more time.” A few weeks later, I said if you need time, that is okay. Then I said something stupid like you know, we are basically strangers now. and something about just wanting to talk. I deactivated Facebook for a week. 3 months later, I sent “hb. don’t respond, just accept it.” and he didn’t read it. It has been 6 months since that happened. I think he has looked at my Facebook a few times, but idk for sure (he moves up my friends list occasionally).
My question is about the situation. If you think there is possibility of getting him back. I loved him. I think he loved me, at least at some point, but the LDR was too hard for him. Just because I could handle it doesn’t mean he could or that he would have the same ppl to support him in it like I had here. He would ask about the future, and it seemed like he would stay in his country (Korea), and even though I was willing to move there, I have more options in the US (of course). I think there is no point in trying to get back together unless we end up in the same country. But if that takes a while, even a year or more, is it too late to try to get back with him. I has taken me this year to see that no matter his reason for breaking up, whether he loved me but didn’t see a future, or he wanted to date someone else, or if he just didn’t love me,…he must have been unhappy with our relationship to breakup. And if he cared like I think he did, he was probably unhappy breaking up, too, especially since he knew I was upset. I don’t think it is reasonable to expect him to get back together if it will just go back to LDR. But if we ended up in the same place, is it too late?
Crystal GA
February 19, 2016 at 6:20 pm
Thank you. Good advise 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 7:58 am
You’re welcome! 😉
Crystal GA
February 18, 2016 at 2:52 pm
I’m not saying I want to go out of the way without having a reason. If I go where he is, it would be only because I have a job there. If he still doesn’t want to get back together or has another gf or something (even though he doesn’t at the moment), then it is no different than the situation right now. I would have to focus on myself. I thought this website is supposed to show you ways to increase your chances of getting somebody back. I’m not thinking that chance is 100% if the distance problem is eliminated. I’m looking for advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 6:38 am
yes.. 🙂 I just want to make sure that you would do this more for yourself.. we look out more for you, if getting your ex back would hurt more than moving on, we don’t advise to get him back..
But.. going to back to your situation..
If it has been months, that means you have to start over as friends, you can either comment to his post you both relate to for a start, or greeting him over text of there’s an occasion or if you’re moving to Korea because you found a job there, you can say, “Hey, how are you? I was assigned there and I’m coming over to Korea this date, you’re the only Korean I know, so I need an local’s advice, do you have any tips to do or to avoid once I get down at the airport?”
something like that..but the bottom line is it has to appear that you’re just catching up like an old friend
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 1:37 pm
Hi Crystal Ga,
The question is, if you migrate there to get him back and he still doesn’t want to go back with you, what would you do?
Ana Sulewski
February 18, 2016 at 1:06 am
I broke up with my boyfriend because i felt to overwhelmed with family problems i was going through then. We go to college together and even take some of the same clases so I still see him and I really miss him. He was incredibly caring and romantic and I though he could actually be a long term relationship. It has been 5 months since I broke up with him but I still think about him but he is very shy it actually took me some months befor ehe actually opened up with me and openly express his feelings so I dont know how to approach the subject again. Should I apologize? How should I try to win him back? I was his first girlfriend and his first kiss and I know I really hurt him. I never told him the full story of what was going on with my family so he is oublivious to why I changed my mind so suddenly. I need your help he was not only my boyfriend but my best friend, I really want him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Hi ana,
if you still see each other, approach him and start a convo.. time it right so it wouldn’t be too awkward
eli
February 18, 2016 at 12:55 am
So my boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me about two weeks a go, I was travelling while he was having his last college exams. The thing is he has always been a very stressfull person when it comes to college and his future, and I think things didn’t go the way he expected this semester, so he said that he is really confused and thinks he can’t manage to have a relationship with me and study at the same time. Our relationship has always been very good, and I have always tried to respect him when I feel like he’s going through a stressfull time at college. So when I arrived from my holiday last saturday we spoke in person and after I said everything I thought about his decision he asked me if I would let him think about it for a few more days, and I said yes… I didn’t contact him these days at all and today he texted me asking me if I was ok and how was college going, we spoke just a bit and then I ended the conversation… Do you think maybe he is regretting his decision and wants to stay with me? What should I do? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 1:29 pm
Hi Eli,
Yeah, because he can see you’re not adding tobhis stress and you’re trying to be understanding
Dee
February 17, 2016 at 11:33 pm
My ex broke up 2 months ago. I did no contact for 1.5 months & slowly got back in contact. He has some larger items of mine (skis, bike) so I used that as a topic of getting back in touch. He broke up with me for selfish reasons. he wanted to travel & not have to make plans; if he wanted to move for his job, wanted the option. he traveled a lot for work and I had a hard time with it. Not because I didn’t support him, but because I really just missed him being gone all the time. He felt it shouldn’t be so hard. He was supposed to move in, but I could tell he was distancing himself. He finally told me he didn’t think he should move in & because he felt that, didn’t think we should be together. back to my texting… He said he was away when I initially messaged & would figure something out. I then asked some open ended questions and we bantered for a little bit. This is how the past 2 weeks have been and each time I’ve asked about my stuff, he said he’ll figure it out, yet most recently told me he just quit his job, and went to Cali for a ski trip. So again, avoided getting me my stuff. I have been playing it totally cool with him, but feel like he doesn’t care that I’m reaching out, nor miss me. Idk what to do..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 1:02 pm
Hi Dee,
did he mean he’s far away, so he doesn’t know how to give your stuff back? The truth is, he may noy be missing you that much because of his lifestyle.. He’s active and he has a lot going on..
Noelle
February 17, 2016 at 10:26 pm
Hey!!!! My ex boyfriend and I broke up 4 months. It was a really bad argument about an inappropriate post that I posted on instagram. I ask him to explain to me what I did wrong or how he felt so I could delete it and ” fix” the issue quickly. In the past I was very defensive and didn’t want to be submissve regarding social media and my jokey personality. Overtime I have matured and wanted to show him that I changed. He refused to talk and I got upset. He ended up saying he wanted a ” break” I said no way! We have taken ” breaks” before and he would not just put me on ” ice” again. I kept asking if he was sure he wanted a break because that would mean a we were over I was fed up. He would never actually answer me. So a month passed and we finally spoke. He explained he never wanted to break up just needed some space to think. I agreed and explained I understood where he was coming from. Although we had this clarify conversation he made no attempt at getting me back really. We saw eachother twice and had sex both times. I tried one last attempt at trying to reconcile. I saw a couples workshop on instagram and sent it to him. I asked if he wanted to go and he replied ” nah” In frustration I texted his best friend something not so nice about my ex. His friend told him and my ex said he would no longer speak to me again. I apologized over and over and he explained that ” he was turned off and I was nothing to him” I finally sent an apology gift m&m’s with ” im sorry babe” in graved and my our picture. He told me thank you and that it was really creative. He than started texting me ” Hey Good Morning” text messages every few days and started with some small talk. I felt like it was some meanless nonesnse so I decided to implement ” No Contact” after reading about it for weeks. The first few days he was worried sick about me. I even implemented NC on social media which I have never done before in the 4 years we have dated. Finally he contacted my sister because he was worried. She told him ” she’s good”. He than asked ” well why is she not responding to my text messages? i am so lost!” We searched for an answer on how to handle this we were unprepared for him to text her. She texted back ” I am not at liberty to disclose”. He answered ” nice”. He than texted me some ” not so nice” words and hasn’t texted back sense. On Valentines Day I got a mysterious call at 2 am from a private number. This is day 15 and I am having a hard time all of sudden… I know he’s upset but for how long? And does this mean NC is working?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hi Noelle,
I think nc is working but the thing is he doesn’t know why you suddenly stopped contacting him..he thought you are working things out.. just do 21 days, and after that talk to him about him
Robyn
February 17, 2016 at 10:21 pm
My LDR boyfriend and I were together for 1.5 years. We were just friends in college and reunited 10 years later and started dating. Our lives moved us to different states on the East Coast, but we planned to move, get engaged and get married as soon as he signed a new contract. The distance took it’s toll (LDR for 1 year) and caused some misunderstandings, resentment and bickering. We were unable to see each other for two months and that’s what started the decline. When the time came to make the big move, I had reservations because I needed to get reacquainted and on the same page. I felt like I needed time to make sure we both wanted the same things still. He took this as rejection and wanted a break to focus on ourselves. I pushed because that’s not what I wanted and he ended up ending the relationship and said some hurtful things – he said he has nothing left for us, wants to see other people, he lost hope. I love him more than anything and my gut tells me we are not done, but the unknown is what’s the hardest and those words seem like final words. He truly is the love of my life. We have been no contact for a month. We are both 35 and I don’t know if the texting thing will work in this case, or with him. Should I let him come to me or try to initiate something? Any insight is appreciated! Thanks.
jj
February 17, 2016 at 9:59 pm
Hi… My ex broke up with me also out of the blue a little over a month ago. We had only been together for 4 months, but it was intense and great. We never fought, always had a great time ( even according to him ) and all of that. I was his first ‘girlfriend’ in 9 years. He led every step of the way… Even in breaking it off, he said he absolutely never felt pressure from me and thinks I did everything perfectly and that I’m amazing, blah blah it’s not you it’s me crap. I’m a little pissed he did it over the phone but whatever. I was very positive in all of our interactions and never cried, thanked him for the honesty and wished him no ill will. The only contact we had after the initial breakup was about two weeks later when I messaged him saying it wasn’t anything he was doing but that I was removing him on Facebook as a friend and that I hoped he was well. It opened a conversation and we did discuss a few things like whether or not my children were the issue ( he cited that his feelings had just not continued to grow like he thought they would during the phone call break up but I feel in my gut, there was something else he wasn’t telling me. In fact, I don’t believe the feelings not growing story because the timeline he gave included some pretty important events like officially asking me to be his girlfriend and us planning some trips together. ) That being said, I still handled things graciously, thanked him for being honest and then removed him on social media and went silent for NC. My NC is supposed to be over on the 21st…. He just recently relaunched his dating profile and in it, now states that he does not want to be dating anyone with children. Which is interesting because I was so hesitant in the beginning of our relationship about dating someone who didn’t have any and he assured me repeatedly that it was not an issue for him and he wanted to meet them eventually and what not. So, this new profile and indication that they were indeed an issue; feels like a sucker punch. And to be honest, I’m now angry. To the point that I went ahead and blocked him on social. But I still miss him. And believe our connection was genuine. Am I fooling myself to think that he got spooked and perhaps he’ll come back around if I follow the advice? I don’t want to text, my plan was to post a few new pics and unblock him once the NC is over first but I’m torn and hurt. I still ultimately feel he isn’t sure what he wants and am actually kind of hoping he goes on some dates that crash and burn. At any rate, what’s the advice here in my specific situation? My children aren’t going anywhere. He never met them and I’m not looking for a daddy for them either. They have one. But he and I never even had a conversation about what I expect out of a partner when it comes to them. I really think he over thought it and got in his own way. Any thoughts or suggestions here?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 12:29 pm
Hi Jj,
how did the children affect the relationship if he never met them? Do you always talk about them or do you put him off because of them? Because if that’s so, he has to understand that.. those are just some of your responsibilities as a parent. Whether he’s on board on being a step dad or not, in a way he has to agree with that..
old nun
February 17, 2016 at 9:36 pm
Slightly longer this is gonna be….please bear with me….
I am currently in a healing phase of NC.
We had a wonderful relationship…all starting with dreamy sequence of him proposing me in the most romantic way….making everything seem magically romantic. We were considered the most fun-loving and cheerful couple in college….we were both adored by all our mutual friends..due to .his pranks and my humour.
Things started spiralling downward with him continuously reducing his attention and affection towards me. I still tried to keep up with it, acknowledging the fact that we both had increased academic pressure. However, I could smell lack of initiative on his part to meetup with me or spending some romantic time. The same guy who once used to have tough time keeping his hands off me would now meet me only when I would ask him to…that too as pr his convenience. Although he kept saying we had reached that stage of a relationship where I should be comfortable asking him out, I still had this little part in me which wanted to be pampered at least some time…..and made to feel valued, by him taking the initiative to ask me out.
I still tried to keep up with it…but then I started expecting he should at least do something else for me…when I was compromising SO MUCH. I used to feel a bit insecure about his nature of being too much mischievous with girls. Not flirtatious…he would be naughty and mischievous and playful…..would play pranks with them…..and would often be a bit touchy by holding their hands or pulling their cheeks. Initially i used to find it funny…but it soon grew on me and I let him know once that I wasn’t comfortable with this nature of his…specially when he would do it with me being around.
He tagged this as “being possessive and nagging”.
I kept growing more frustrated…started falling out with him. And when we would fight…..it would mostly be me who would initiate patching-up..he was the kind who would avoid all communication and go into his shell.
One day, due to one small miscommunication..we had a fight.
i took it as a usual couple’s fight and planned to work on it by talking to him after coming back from a happy outing with friends.
Oh I was so happily drunk that day…and so wanted to talk to him….patch it up…and do sweet-talks.
But he never picked up my phone that night.
Next whole day I felt sick..and anticipated..as if I could almost sense something terrible coming up. He never called me back.
I waited till night…..and then finally called him up and asked him to meet.
By then I was feeling so drained and sick that all I wanted was a tight hug from him.
Guess what i got?
When we met up…all he said was…that it wasn’t working anymore and we should put an end.
I cried.
That night I cried uncontrollably. I stayed out for the whole night with him and cried in the college campus. I begged…pleaded not to leave me ..and this continued till 7 am in the morning when he said we would give it a thought and talk again in he evening.
That evening he somewhat reluctantly agreed to give it another shot.
Since that day…dynamics changed. He started taking me more and more for granted.
I could see him slip away.
He would be treating me well ONLY when I would be happy.
Any time I would feel depressed or sad…he would abandon me.
He wouldn’t value any of my complaints any more.
He wouldnt call me back or see my watsapp messages for hours..or days.
He wont appreciate my looks…or even a love letter that I sent him.
Then one fine morning ..after the accumulation of all these frustration as I lashed out at him…he pulled the plug by saying “THIS very nature of yours made me break up with you earlier….why would you always lash out at me? and nag me?”
I cried that day. But I maintained my dignity. Went STRAIGHT into No Contact.
Something magical happened thereafter.
The very next day I went to party with some friends to take it off my head…and he too was there a a separate table with HIS buddies. I made NO EYE CONTACT…and didn’t even acknowledge him. This continued….until one day I got to learn from TWO mutual friends..that he had been frantically asking them about how I was….that whether I was actually cool or sad within…blah blah blah. Finally he started pestering of those friends to help him get in touch with me….as he couldn’t bear silence from my side.
My birthday was 10 days after the break up. All these days..although i heard about him trying to talk to me through friends…I paid least heed and maintained NC. On my birthday he showed up at the party and wished me. I being a little drunk and happy….thanked him back.
That broke the NC. He called me up later in the night to wish me, and we spoke for almost half an hour…just catching up with each other.
He started texting me….HEAVILY from next day onwards.
I was surprised..is THIS the same guy who used to take days to reply my watsapp? Look at him now ! Even when I was hanging up on him by not replying…he would come back like a dog and text me within hours ! Needless to say..I could see the effect of 10 days of NC on him…and was nicely playing the game of power with a smug smile on my face.
We started hanging out a bit..went to a couple of parties….however, when we both got drunk…we both would get slightly intimate and I could sense proper attraction existing between both of us.
Feelings started creeping back in my head. But I soon realised….there was again decrease in his texting pace. Once we started hanging around…….he would again text me less and less..or take time to reply.
One day I felt I had to take a call. I couldn’t get stuck in this limbo. I either wanted him as a whole or none of it. We had an internship coming up, for which we had earlier planned to go together (when we were a couple). I sat up and thought of asking him if he still would like to go for it with me…even if as a friend…and give things one last shot.
I rehearsed stuff in my head and gathered enough guts to meet him to tell this. But i got a straight “No”. Not only that..he even told me “we should also bring down the extent to which we go out to parties n all together….it leads to unwanted situations”. I was like What the Hell !! It was YOU who won’t let me be…it was YOU who would come back and talk/text when I wouldn’t reply…NOW it’s again YOU who’s telling we must cut it down?
I was hurt.
Humiliated.
Insulted.
I walked away.
This time I blocked him EVERYWHERE…whatsapp, call list, gtalk…didn’t block on facebook though…that tool is required to show him my hapenning life.
Anyways that WAS my plan. Either the internship trip with him, or NO CONTACT any more.
I was less sad than before.
I carried on the usual way of NOT acknowledging his existence…brutally. Even if we would be in same group for any work etc..I would speak to all but him.
I worked on myself.
I made some AWESOME friends.
I took care of my looks….started nurturing old hobbies….reading new books…..taking part in theatre.
Exactly as per my calculation and expectation…he CAME BACK to chit-chat with me on the 10th day of NC…YES! agggainnn !! Imagine…this time when I had BLOCKED him everywhere…he took the pain of literally coming up to me and talking !! But this time I was determined NOT to fall for it…not before I had COMPLETELY healed (till date I haven’t). Plus I could see he had started roaming too much with TWO girls …not exactly a rebound for him…coz none of those girls were half as attractive as I was. One of those girls (the same friend through whom he reached out to me during my birthday) is actually a college-slut who is after almost every guy. The other girl is that-fat-kid-who-is-every-guy’s-best-friend (and i personally feel she was waiting for our break up as she never ever treated me well or would speak to me properly, despite claiming herself to be one of the closest buddies of my ex) But I somehow didn’t like my ex’s nature and unnecessary closeness with them…..call it jealousy, if you will. But it was more of a feeling of this kind : What the hell was I doing with THIS kind of a guy?
Few days later, I even got to hear from people that he has spoilt his reputation because of the same nature of his … (all the insecurity that I felt due to his pranks with girls…holding their hands etc…were NOT invalid after all !! I felt empowered to think that I was somewhat right all the way!!)
People started telling me that he wasn’t even worth the sole of my shoes !! AAh !! the relief…..and that I was way too classier and had better people lined up for me (though none has approached me yet *sigh*..I dunno how much true that is..but I liked to believe 🙂 )
Empowered and boosted, I even made a humorously sarcastic comment to make subtly humiliate him once in a public group..and it became famous in college. People just loved it and kept saying how i totally nailed it. I was enjoying all this. I didn’t give a damn because I did NOT want him back…or so I thought.
Then certain things started hapenning.
I started catching him look at me..stare at me too long from distance. I would at first ignore it completely. Heck I wouldn’t even look at his eyes…total, casual, ignorance was on from my side.
But these days, his staring has slightly increased.
He stares at me ALWAYS…and tries to catch my eyes. At times he even stops as if to say something…but I MAKE IT A POINT to not look at him or casually take my eyes off in case accidentally i end up looking.
On his birthday we came across each other thrice ! I didn’t even acknowledge him. But he kept looking at me…as if expecting a wish from me. Once he stopped and looked at me with a fixed gaze as if to start talking…but i swiftly moved away.
NOW…gradually……I have started feeling the pangs again. Its gradual…very slow…yet its coming back again…and I’m afraid . Why? Why hav I started dreaming of him in the night? Why bits and memories of our trips together haunting me again? Why am i overlooking his faults and remembering the good times? Will I not survive the break up? Will I be miserable all through? I kind of want him back, AGAIN. But why?
I so wish I could just run into his arms ..AGAIN. I have started craving for a tight hug from him…AGAIN. I feel like kissing him….AGAIN and AGAIN.Why NOW? It’s around 1.5 months into NC…shouldn’t I have completely healed by now? It’s like I reached peak of feeling good in between…and falling down now.
Are there chances he thinks of me? Are there chances those looks he throws towards me do actually mean that he misses me? I know reconciliation is NOT an option…because we both are very different individuals..and we wont change…forget me…HE won’t change at all ! And I can’t keep up with his nature. But….will HE never realise it…and try to work on it? I too had learnt about my negative sides earlier….he used to tell me that I was short-tempered…and that I needed to control it. I DID work on it…..though not to the extent to which he wanted (but he never gave me enough time to work on it that much..duh !).
But i was ready to work on myself because i LOVED him…I didn’t mind changing my personality for someone I plain and simple….LOVED !
Will he NEVER love me enough to change his nature? and just try to make it work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 12:17 pm
Hi Old nun,
You feel that again because he has never stared like that before.. It’s like an effort that’s new to you.. it makes you feel wanted.. If you want to go back, make him work for it l, so he won’t take you for granted again