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Erin
September 13, 2016 at 12:31 pm
7 months ago I moved to university after finishing high school last year, my boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to move up there and insisted that we could do long distance. When I got up there we both became so stressed and I was having panic attacks every other day and decided that I was going to move back home. The day before I was coming home to tell him he broke up with me, because the distance was too much, I told him I was coming him and he said it didn’t matter because he was going to focus on himself and Uni and his family, which I completely respected. My anxiety got worse after all this. We kept chatting and everything seemed fine, I would constantly defend his actions to so many people including his friends telling them it’s fine because he just needs to focus on himself. Then last month I found out that he was talking to a girl, who what I consider to use to be my friend.. But he was also sending nudes to people (including my friends which is how I found out) at the time. Ever since I found out that they were talking just feel so lost. I love him so much and want him to be happy but I feel like a complete idiot for defending him, I feel deep down that we will end up back together but this girl that he’s talking to is making me feel even worse. We were literally chatting 2 weeks before I found out about them and they had already been apparently talking for a month or two, she was telling me how she wanted to go to university next year. my birthday just passed and I didn’t get a message from either of them, and he has deleted a mutual picture we had on Instagram but left a photo I was tagged in, I’m so lost because even after all this I still love him and want him back
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 5:24 pm
Hi Erin,
It’s normal that you would defend him because you loved him.. Are you going to try the advice above?
Lucy
September 13, 2016 at 11:38 am
Hi ok I was with my ex boyfriend for just over a year in an LDR when I found he had cheated on me with a girl in his town who ended up pregnant. He begged me to stay together, I forgave him and he ended up leaving me 2 months later to be with her. They broke up 3 months later and he came back to me. We then split up 2 months later and he went back to her and now just over 3 months later he has broken up with her. The whole time I was mostly in NC and he would text me now and then. He has started texting me again and found out I will be in his town next month. He asked me when I will be there and I told him I don’t know. I do still love him but I want to take things slow because I am scared of getting hurt again. If we do get back together I want it to be for the right reasons as I am sick of this on/off thing. I also want to maintain value in his eyes. Any advice on what to do now? Thanks
Lucy
September 15, 2016 at 9:30 am
Thanks Amor you’re 100% right. I have texted him and told him I am not going to see him when I am in his town and he said he understands. I also said we shouldn’t be friends because I know his baby’s mother is not happy we are touch. He pretty much begged for me not to cut ties and said it doesn’t matter what she thinks. At the moment I am not initiating contact at all, when he texts I reply politely but keep it short. Should I do NC again? Or will limited contact be ok?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 12:48 pm
Limited contact is for the people who can’t really avoid talking or seeing their ex, like housemates, workmates, classmates but in your case, I think you should tell him that you need space to heal for you to start no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 5:18 pm
Hi Lucy,
Write down what you needed to him see doing so that you can remind yourself whenever it’s getting emotional. Don’t sleep with him. Let him work for you. If he really is serious, he’ll work to get you back.
Denise
September 12, 2016 at 8:06 am
Hi,
My ex bf broke up with after we had a fight about us not seeing each other over the weekend. I got mad and said so many hurtful words towards him that led to our breakup. He said that all the problems piled up and he couldnt take it anymore. For him the problems are unworkable but for me I found it workable if only he learned to communicate it properly.
After 2 months he called me and said that 3 weeks after of our breakup, he said that he is attracted to his officemate which is really hotter and prettier than me. I took it lightly and told him that maybe he was attracted to her way before our breakup. He just found a way out thats why we ended our relationship.
I want to move on but there’s a small part of me that wants him back.
The last time we spoke he made it clear that he no longer see us getting back together and that he will pursue his officemate.
Do we still have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Hi Denise,
Honestly, I think it’s a slim chance but they’re still new. He will still compare her to you in the coming months, so do you want to try what’s advised above?
Jamie
September 11, 2016 at 7:04 pm
My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago, it was out of the blue, (we were dating for a year) and that same day he got a new girlfriend. We had no contact of each other for about 2 months. Then we started to talk again as friends since we both didn’t like how we ended. Since then it’s been texting then not talking for a while then texting again, recently he told me he had problems with his current gf and which made him sad/not his happy self. I was there for him and was trying to cheer him up. We were talking about our old good memories and we were laughing and having a good time. He told me he would like to give it another shot of being “us” again but I’m not sure what I should do. I thought about it and I really like the idea of having that again. the problem is, he’s still with his girlfriend, and doesn’t know how to end it. Since that conversation, i want to tell him but idk what to do, what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 3:22 pm
HI Jamie,
say it straight but in a nice way. Like, I’m flattered that you want to get back with me, but it’s not in my character to be with somebody who is in a relationship.
Zeena
September 11, 2016 at 4:24 pm
Hi Me and my boyfriend were dating for three years and he broke up with me because I cheated however 3 months after we broke up I told him I lied about cheating and 3 months later I told him the truth which is I was sexually assaulted I lied because I couldn’t come to terms to what happened to me. During these whole 6 months we lived together and are finally leaving so it will be 8 months by th time we leave. However a lot has happened and made things worse I followed him 2 I punched him and gave him a black eye and he couldn’t take his midterms the next morning and now he feels as if we are just a cancer to each other. He said I made the last year of his life miserable but what it comes down to (which is what he said) is he doesn’t trust me to make him bit feel that way and anyone who makes him feel that bad (the worst he’s felt in his life) he doesn’t want around him. He said he loves me and is still in love but doesn’t feel that partnership before. He wanted to marry me and have kids. Now he wants nothing to do with me. Is there a chance we can get back together. Besides regular fights we had an amazing 3 years and the last year (including 8 months of the breakup in which we still lived together) were miserable. But I think underneath he’s hurt that I lied about what happened. Also 2 months into the breako up he started seeing someone new they stopped after a month because we were in good terms. Now after I punched him and caused him a black eye and missing midterms they’re back to talking and he told me they will more than likely end up dating after he moved into his new place and they hang out more
Zeena
September 16, 2016 at 8:52 pm
I was saying regardless of having the baby like if I don’t, is getting back together a possibility he just said yesterday after sometime we can maybe over dinner sit and tlk about the issues of the relationship he’s just really up and down
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Yes, because he said he sees you can be friends someday.
Zeena
September 16, 2016 at 1:41 pm
Okay well if I apply these things do you think I have a shot at getting him back.
Zeena
September 14, 2016 at 2:25 pm
He says what if the girl I end up dating I get married to is in the picture and becomes the step mom? how will you feel? and I was like why do you see her as a potential wife and he was like why would I tell the last girl I thought I’d marry that the new girl i probably end up dating could be my potential wife( I’m like are you trying to get to me) and I want to know baby or not do I have a chance
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 15, 2016 at 6:26 pm
when he said he sees you can be friends someday, that means a little chance..but, if you keep begging or asking him if there is a chance or if he still loves you when all he wants is to get away from you, then you’re decreasing the chances because he’ll get more annoyed… There has been a lot of negativity that happened and the baby makes him feel trapped..
So, dont take it personally when he says it’s your fault.. He’s just voicing out his frustrations.. the best you can do is really change yourself and be consistent with it once you move out.. be indepensent from him..
but dont stop him from being a father to his child..just dont demand.. I know you’re not doing it now, so just maintain that..
I dont think it will take 30 or 45 days for him to think that you’ve really started changing.. maybe he’ll be more friendly after you give birth, but take it slow even after that
Zeena
September 14, 2016 at 1:58 am
And one last problem got pregnant after that huge argument and now he’s saying he hates me and all he wanted to do was move and get on with his life that’s when he told me about datting the girl which was about a week ago or so as stated he said he won’t get along with me and will never like me and by me having the baby he won’t have time to heal from the brake up, that instead of now having a choice of having me in his life he has to be in it and he hates being forced to do anything which is why he said he will always hate me. But I’m NOT forcing him to stay the night or even telling him I need to be by him through out the pregnancy so I was like how am I forcing you????
Zeena
September 13, 2016 at 8:05 pm
He’s pretty angry right now I can tell because he’s stayed away from the apartment so I think he got to his breaking point, but I’m not sure if it’s with me. The only thing I know is he’s hurt and angry about everything going on between us. I asked him a couple days ago does he think if we took some time apart and grew does he think we’d work out again and he said he truly thinks we’re done but could be friends in some time ( I know I shouldn’t have asked especially because he’s in such a vulnerable state but I just don’t know. I love him)
Zeena
September 13, 2016 at 8:01 pm
Hey we broke up this past March and still live together! Our move out date is October 1st. We finally broke the lease 2 weeks after the major fight that I described August which take 60 days to go into effect which is why October 1st is the move out date. So breakup 7 months ago! Living together that whole seven months finally leaving in a couple weeks. We had the talk about him dating the other girl a couple weeks ago. He said once he moves out they will likely hang out more and it will most likely lead to dating.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 13, 2016 at 3:15 pm
Hi Zeena,
when did you break up and when was that last talk?
Sarah
September 7, 2016 at 4:28 pm
Hi
My boyfriend and I where together for 3 and a half years! It obviously had its up and downs we broke over a year ago for 7months as he said he wasn’t happy and wasn’t in love with me anymore, however he remained in contact everyday day he saw other people but I couldn’t bring myself to move on, we ended up getting back together again.
in the period of us getting back together I helped him get a job, which is with myself, I put him through his driving helped him to get a car and his life on track. Two weeks of him getting the car he broke up with me, he has used the same reasons as before saying that he isn’t in love with me anymore, still wants to remain friends but this time he has told me we might be able to get back together in the future, he has also told this to other people also.. However not even a month later he has started to see another girl, who is a lot younger than both myself and him.. He hadn’t been in contact much at all, we saw each other recently to hand each other’s stuff back and ended up sleeping together, at this point I didn’t know he was seeing someone else! He told me it was lovely to see me etc as I haven’t been able to see him at work as I am currently signed off on the sick, I am due to return soon and I don’t know what to do about us, I would love to be able to get back together with him as he is my world but in trying not to force it and push him away by only speaking or communicating with him when he contacts me but working together will effect this.
Do I stand a chance in getting him back please can you advise me
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 2:58 pm
Hi Sarah,
You need to do what’s advice above after doing no contact but since you work together listen to this one: EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Kat
September 4, 2016 at 8:49 pm
My ex broke up with me 2.5 months ago after being together for 2 years. He texted me every single day for 2 months after the breakup ( I didn’t initiate contact, just responded when he did text although admittedly, in the beginning I was a texting gnat who begged and pleaded and all that embarrassing stuff). He even talked about starting over with me one day and whatnot. I suggested we take a clean break from talking to each other because our conversations were pretty dead, forced and didn’t feel the same. 1 week after going no contact, he started dating someone new. She is literally the exact opposite of me. What bothers me the most is that one of the main reasons why he broke up with me was because he didn’t see me often enough which made him feel single during the relationship. He wanted more of my time than I could give. The relationship he is in now is a long distance relationship….I don’t get why he would break up with me because he didn’t see me often and now all of a sudden, not seeing his girlfriend very much is no longer a problem! It’s almost insulting. That’s what hurts me the most since it makes absolutely zero sense. He also told me he really liked how we were friends for 7 months before we started dating because it allowed us to create a foundation for our relationship and get to know each other a lot better before dating. He jumped into this relationship after only knowing the girl for a handful of weeks. He is literally doing the exact opposite of what he did with me and found a partner who is the exact opposite of me. I don’t know what to do at all. I don’t know if I’ll ever initiate contact with him, even when the 30 days are over. I feel like waiting for him to text me is the best. I also will never know if he breaks up with this girl or not since I removed him from my social media and we don’t have any mutual friends. Any advise would be appreciated
Gillian
September 6, 2016 at 10:46 pm
Tue. Sept 6 : i’m a teacher and my boyfriend broke up with me two days before school started (2 days ago) I am in so much pain and his reason was he said, he “just doesn’t miss me or think about me” like he did with his ex-wife. He said he used to miss her so much and could hardly wait until she was around him again. We only dated for the summer but I was on holidays and we were together every single day! It was very intense! I told him after he said he had to get out of the relationship that he feels that way because I was never away to miss! Anyhowā¦ I am going to implement the 30 days rule and give this a go because it was such a great summer and we both had a great time. I am wondering if there is someone else but don’t think so.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 10:57 am
Hi Gillian,
that’s good. Focus in healing and improving yourself.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 6:41 am
HI Kat,
she’s probably a rebound.. If you want him to contact you first, that’s ok. What’s more important is that you grow and you start to have your own life.
Jade
September 3, 2016 at 2:23 am
I have been seeing the same guy for, this month will be 7 years. When we first got together, we were great. But I had a personal issue that made me not so self confident in myself. So around his family and friends, I was kind of shy and quite.. Never wanted to go around or do anything with him. He ended up cheating on me with a girl that was in the middle of a divorce with 2 children. 4 years later and he is still with her. Last year, I put him out of my life but on Christmas he emailed me, (I cut contact and blocked his number and from social media) he said that he loved me and he basically couldn’t be without me and he broke up with her. She found out he was seeing me and started posting things online and even when he would prove those things to not be true, I believed her because I couldn’t trust him. So he went back to her. He says they aren’t in a relationship that they just hang out but he is in love with me but he is scared to be with me because of our arguing. We argue a lot and mostly because of me and not being able to handle him seeing someone else. He has asked me to ignore it and just try focusing on us to see if we will work. But I can’t be okay with that and he wont leave her alone out of fear that we wont work out. Today, he told me to leave him alone again. We’ve been GREAT, all of our use to be problems are gone. Being with each other is better then ever before but we argue because I see things and hear things about her. He has said to me and to her that he wouldn’t marry her or have kids with her. But hes talked about marriage with me. Hes never told her he loves her- i know thats true because he text her while sitting beside me and asked her “have i ever told you i love you” and she replied with no but i wish you would because i love you. But he still to this day swears he loves me. I dont know what to do or what to believe. I love him. What do I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 9:28 am
Hi Jade,
if he’s not cutting all ties with her, then your used to be problems are not gone.. As long as she is in the picture.. you’ll have the same problems over and over again…
KL
August 31, 2016 at 8:23 pm
I am in a very complicated situation now and i think i read your website a little too late .
We were together for 1year and 3 months , but we kept arguing since he chested once in January . I moved away my stuff from his house now and 2 weeks later he got back with his ex gf immediately . ( they still contact each other for some reason while we were together )
during 1 year and 3 months of time , i already caught him cheating on me with his ex gf twice!! . I found out by calling his ex gf to confirm their status few months ago , then he promised he will never do it again . But he cheated again . We start arguing ever since he cheated , because i dont trust him anymore.
Last week i cant help texting his ex gf again and she said they are back together ( just 1week after i have moved my stuff away from his house) , he stays over at her house 5 days a week and he promised her that he will not get back with me anymore.
However, after two weeks of break up , he still msg me and ask about my life . I guess he is guilty and worry that i will be mentally breaking down. ( We met twice and we slept together too ). When he message me i just cant help yelling at him and send him horrible texts . Sometimes i send printed screen of our conversation to his ex gf to show her what he is texting me. ( i just cant control myself doing that ļ¼ I think he hates me now… What shall i do . I was so angry and upset that i couldnt control myself of doing these horrible moves. I dont think he wanna see me anymore, or he is scared that i will tell his ex gf that im seeing him …. What shall i do
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 12:35 pm
Hi Kl,
shouldnt he be the one who’s worried about your anger and hurting you?
Cassandra
August 31, 2016 at 2:18 pm
Hi
Here’s my situation.We have been together for 2 years.We lived together. He has a daugther ( so my step daughter of 4 years old). We had little arguments but nothing seriously to the point to break up. We did everything together. Always saying I love you when we called or texted .Well anytime. He was scared that one day I would leave him ( He’s insecure ) And I always said to him that I love you and it will never happen and he said the same to me. ( And that was last week of May )
Well this June( Fisrt week) he said he didnt love me anymore and he needed to break up with me since he has no more feelings for me. ( I was extremely surprise and hurt ) It felt like he stabbed me right in the heart. Cause we were talking about having kids and getting marry and all that. So him telling me that his have no more feelings for me and I needed to move on and find someone better. I coulent believe what he was saying. He said he was so sorry and he cried a lot ! He said its the right thing to do.
I had a hard time to move on. I did the common mistakes. Begged for him and tried to convince hiim that he’s wrong and we can work this out. But He refuse to believe that. In some point he said we chant try but we will not be together. Then he said we can just be friends. Then he said friends with benefits. While this confusing moment, he started talking to a girl at his work and they started to date.
I was so pissed at him for that cause he did all that 3 weeks after the break up and he end up sleeping with her. But he wants to be friends with me. And honestly I love him so much That I decide to Hide my feelings just to be with him. But he knows me so well he knw that wasnt a good idea. He argue a lot about him moving on so quick and me not leaving him alone and all that.
So I started to lose a lot of weight and dress up like crazy to impress him and make him regret it. It did work out. We contact me and we end up having sex. But He was already involve with his COworker. So He said he was sorry He dont wants to hurt me but when he’s with me he feels good and happy.
was like that until now ! His co worker said she’s in love with him but He dont feel the same way. Sunday he said he dont know what he’s doing and he’s lost. He’s looking for a woman like me but He can’T find any . The girl he is seing is dressing up like a slut and he dosent like that. He said he is compare women to me and I said well you can’t do that .. i’m unique .. I dont want to brag But I have my own personnality and everything.
He said yeah you’re right..
Then we were suppose to watch a movie that day and we ended up having sex and he started to cry. He said he didnt want to hurt me and he fuck up everything between us . He dont want me out of his life and he wants me to go out with him ( Gym ,see his daughter )
He wants me to have his back and him to have my back… (its confusing cause He’s almost in relationship with his co-worker so why yes asking like that when he clearly dont want a relationship with me anymore)
He felt asleep and I was going to leave. And I Woke him up so that he can lock the door. And He beg me to not leave.. But I end up leaving anyway… it’s been 3 three days since that night that we didn’t talk
And now I dunno what to think about all that.
Cassandra
September 1, 2016 at 10:46 pm
He thought about coming back with me but he didn’t … he still wants to see that girl. He said he don’t know what he’s doing . But I don’t believe him. He’s already consider that girl like his girlfriend and he’s saying I love you to her
..but he says that he don’t always feels confortable with her. He saying that he love her but don’t really feel it .
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Hi Cassandra,
what’s up with him? he made his problems now.. well, dont sleep with him again.. and for me, you should have one last talk before doing nc..but let him think for now.. give him space.. do a week of silence and then talk to him.. tell him you’re not comfortable in your set up right now because it’s not in your character to stay with a guy who doesnt value you and you need space to heal and move on and then when you’re ready to be friends again, you’ll reach out..
start nc after that and do 45 days..
but let’s hope the one week silence will help him decide that he wants to be with you
She
August 30, 2016 at 8:17 am
I was with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 years he broke up with me a year ago and I am not over him. I think he may have a girlfriend and won’t tell me cuz he says doesn’t want to hurt me. He is moving out of state where he has no family, job, or car. His mom showed me a girl’s facebook of a girl he introduced her to. The girl lives in the state he is moving to and she has recent pics with him at her collage graduation. The girl mentions she has graduated and has a wonderful man in her bio. She is widowed and she graduated after his passing. I’m not sure how long he knew this girl before he broke up with me but I believe she had something to do with it. My ex’s mom says she kinda tells him what to do. But I don’t know if I can believe his mom bout this. In our relationship if I told him what to do we would not have been together for 5 1/2 years. He went to her graduation on his vacation and never told me he went. We tell each other almost everything but he didn’t tell me this his mom did. It could be part of his “i don’t tell you cuz I don’t want to hurt you thing. One thing he did do before the break up he was going every weekend to his friends house without me but we eventually moved together at his friends house.
He and I are still good friends, we spend time together and he even let me sleep next to him a few times (no sex was involved only cuddling). He hugs and kisses my head and even calls me sweetie and he has slipped up and called me babe and honey. He has even said he couldn’t leave if he knew I wasn’t ok. Even when we talked about how I am gonna feel when he is hundreds of miles away he tears up. But he still plans to go to another state. In our relationship we rarely had fights and we treated each other like gold. I never cheated on him and never felt he cheated on me. I trusted and still trust him completely. We are so close that I can’t do the no contact rule cuz if I don’t contact him he will contact me to check how I am doing.
So my question is what do I do? Could he moving to this other state to be with this girl cuz she is his girlfriend? Is this a rebound situation? Is he wanting a new relationship after five years? Please I need some answers. Is there a chance to get him back or stop him from leaving?
She
September 5, 2016 at 10:02 am
We still flirt a bit. He will also see something that reminds him of us and get a bit sentimental and ask for me to hug him. We have also slept in the same bed together a few times and only snuggling(no sex). His idea. Could she be just a fling. And like I said if I don’t text first he will always text
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 11:19 am
can be a fling or a grass is greener case
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:45 pm
Hi She,
if he is moving there, and the girl is the only one that he knows there, then it’s a big possibility that it is because of her. And you said you’ve broken up a year ago and you kept talking since then, it looks like you’re friendzoned
Allison
August 29, 2016 at 11:13 pm
Me and my boyfriend of 1 year and 5 months just broke up on August 27. We still love each other but he does not want to take me back because he thought we fights too much. I will be honest that I was a little tough on him. We had stresses around us and it affected our mood and attitude in our relationship which caused our last fight. During the fight I told him to go find another girlfriend which I never meant it and he decided to break up. He said he’s tired of all the break up threat from me so he’ll just end it. He texted me and said he still care about me, so I ask him to give our relationship one last chance but he said no because he’s interested in someone else and will talk to her. I don’t know what to do. I really want him back because we loved each other so much and I still really love him.
Allison
August 30, 2016 at 12:53 am
He listened to our friend’s advice and follow his instinct; so I’m afraid I’m going to lose him forever š
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 11:42 am
Hi Allison,
if he broke up with you because you kept fighting, then chasing him will just annoy him right? Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Worried
August 28, 2016 at 5:03 pm
Alright, my boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago. The two of us share a mutual close friend who sometimes tells me information about what my ex is up to. I want to add that I’m on day 10 of no contact right now, he has not texted me yet, but our mutual friend said he’s noticing how much I am posting on social media and is wondering what is going on, why I’m posting so much…
I also want to add that soon after we broke up I asked our mutual friend to get a guy friend’s number from my ex, because my ex had my friend’s number and I didn’t, and I needed to get a hold of him to ask him out to a movie with a friend group. (It’s not a date and I’m not interested in him but my ex doesn’t know that). My ex then texted our mutual friend saying he would flip out if I asked my guy friend out.
Now, basically immediately after our break up he started noticing other girls. I’m very worried because the girl he is interested in is one of my friends and she has told me she absolutely would not be interested in going out with him, she finds him a little annoying. He invited her to drive quads together and she shut him down (it was kind of rude to be honest the way she did it). Of course that could change that she’s not interested, but I’m worried because I’m in the middle of no contact, and because she is not interested in him he is probably going to CHASE HER, not ME. That is my main concern. The entire thing falls apart if he’s so focused on winning her that he doesn’t ever regret leaving me or miss me. Basically right now we are both things he would have to chase. Im trying to stay calm but I do have to admit I am very worried.
I’m wondering if this is somehow a “rebound crush” that he has to avoid the pain of the breakup? Our mutual friend said he started liking her like RIGHT AFTER we broke up, as in a few days. We dated for very close to a year and our relationship was healthy, had a normal, healthy amount of fights and I was very supportive and although we of course had a couple of rough patches he told me how happy I made him often. I just find it unlikely he would get over our relationship in a few days.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 5:59 pm
HI Worried,
if she’s your friend, that means he met her during while being with you right? Did he talk to her while you were together? If that’s the case, It can be more of a grass is greener situation. You can’t control him and her.. YOu can only control yours.. Good news is that you had history, so even if he might think that she’s better but he will still compare her to you unconsciously and if he starts to do that, he should realize that you’re still the better choice through your posts..
Grace
August 24, 2016 at 7:09 am
My ex-bf broke up with me 3 months ago. after about one month of NC, i contacted him, we met up, and ended up sleeping together… then we had a huge fight and stopped contacting for about two weeks. after that, we started meeting again as friends and ended up sleeping together again despite him insisting that we cannot do that anymore if we were friends. we continued meeting as friends (??) for about a month, when he suddenly broke down and told me that he was having a difficult time cos he couldn’t forget me, and that he couldn’t stop thinking of me everyday and that he still had feelings for me. shortly after, i found out that he actually had a new girlfriend for about a month from the time we reconnected for the second time.. i’m so confused now? i’m doing NC again and just wondering if this is just a rebound gf for him?
Grace
September 5, 2016 at 7:58 am
how long should i do NC for? 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 11:04 am
yeo I think you should do just 21 days
Grace
August 31, 2016 at 5:25 am
no.. we have not talked since then but he claims he still wants to be friends.. i should just do NC again right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 2:59 pm
yep you should restart nc.. to avoid being friends with benefits
Grace
August 29, 2016 at 2:01 am
well we had NC for about 24 days when he suddenly contacted me out of the blue a few days ago, said he felt bad that we ended it on a bad note after dating for 2 years, and he wants to try to be friends again.. we ended up getting drunk and sleeping together again even though he is still with his new girlfriend! i don’t know what to do, he’s really messing with my mind.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 8:03 pm
Oh no š Don’t sleep with him again.. how are you now? Did you talk to him again?
Grace
August 24, 2016 at 7:12 am
he first met the girl during that 2 weeks period where we were not in contact btw
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 12:12 pm
Hi grace,
yes, looks like a rebound..when did you last talk now and are you continuing on improving yourself?
Angie
August 23, 2016 at 11:55 pm
OK I’m at a loss and would love some advice. So here is what my situation is. I got with my ex about 8 years ago. We were together for 7.5 years and I broke up with him 6 mo ago, 6 weeks before our dream wedding. Basically his best friend started to talk to me privately about our relationship and how he thought we shouldn’t be together. Stupidly I listened and let his rhetoric get to me. It made me doubt my feelings. I have been divorced from my 1st husband for almost 20 years and have been petrified to get married again, but with him it was different. However those old fears were brought back to life by this “friend”. After I left I wanted to see him and talk to him, but this “friend” kept telling me it was a bad idea it will only keep hurting him (even though he had wanted to get back together) so I stopped contacting him unless it was something I absolutely had to contact him about. I didn’t want to confuse him until I was absolutely sure of what I wanted. I tried to date others but I couldn’t because he was the one I wanted. But as I was realizing what a mistake I had made I saw signs there maybe someone else now. It was confirmed by his “friend” that he got back with his ex because “it was easier and he needed to move on”. I eventually decided we still needed to talk about everything and heal from our experience. It started with emails back and forth when I found out this “friend” had went to him and told him a bunch of BS about me and things I supposedly did. It was based loosely on the truth but very exaggerated or out right lies. I asked that the three of us talk this whole thing out but apparently the “friend” didn’t care to. (Later he agreed to meet me alone for coffee though… hum) but ended up having a long conversation about everything with my ex. He told his new gf we were talking. He kept reiterating that he had moved on, but then admitted there are times where he misses me and things remind him of me. After that he started to like things on my FB page again and we talked somewhat. A week later we talked and he said that since we talked he’s been thinking about things a lot more so I finally came clean to him about how I was feeling. Laid my whole heart on the table basically told him I wanted him back and that I would do anything. Since then we have texted limited and he has agreed to coffee with me at some point. I have told him I don’t want to cross any lines with his current relationship and that it’s hard because of how I feel about him, but I want to be respectful. He has been on my FB page more and more. Also I found out that my best friend has been in contact with him and he has not shut her out regarding the possibility of working things out but he’s worried about my motives. At this point I feel really guilty that I’m basically trying to break up his new relationship, but at the same time if this friend hadn’t manipulated both of us we would be married right now and she’s obviously a rebound. At this point I’m trying to leave him alone and let him come to me at the same time I want to let him know I’m thinking about him because me becoming withdrawn, (due to feeling guilty about the conversations with his “friend”) and I want him to know I’m an open book. He’s worried he can’t trust me. What can I do? Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any advice you might be able to give me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 6:33 pm
Hi Angie,
are you both still talking to that friend? does he believe you that what that friend says are lies? based kn what you said, it looks like you dont want to do nc, do you have any other plan?
Bri
August 23, 2016 at 11:54 pm
Is there a good chance for us to get back together Even though he is in a relationship I really do still love him and we also just had our first baby I really hope me and him can get back together
Bri
August 30, 2016 at 6:47 am
Hi my ex boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years in July we had our first baby girl but I broke up with him due to his family and my family disrespecting each other while I was in the hospital he was really mad at me because I didnāt take him and his family side. But now I really want us to work out and be a family but I found out he has a new girlfriend they have been dating for a month it sucks cause he seem really happy I really want us to be together and be a family he told me he doesnāt love me anymore and he only ask about his daughter nothing else I really have been trying to improve myself and make my own desicions because I realized him and his family was right I really want to know do I still have a chance can we work this out and be a family to our beautiful daughter Iām still hurt how he just moved on so fast and I just had his baby what can I do to get him back we have been together for so long I want him back so bad please help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:39 pm
HI Bri,
ok.. I remember you.. I just can’t find your original comment. You have to stop asking him to come back because that’s chasing.. And start to live life as if you’re just co parenting with him.. Because if you keep chasing him, he will just keep on being annoyed with you
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 7:55 am
Hi Bri,
it has to start with yourself first bri..
you had your first baby but he’s in another relationship? when and why did you break up?
Steph
August 23, 2016 at 2:19 pm
My husband left in february. He find someone else. We actually find out he liea to her and me. To me cuz he didnt want to loose me and his best friend and soulmate. And her cuz he loves her and want a life with her but didnt want to have to choose between new girlfriend and me. Now i no she doesnt trust him even ask him how many time he’s been texting me. Where does he go when in town. He cant even go to the loo with his phone and turn off all notifications o his phone so she doesnt see if he had text or not. His been emailing me so she cant see. He has to show to her who text him during the day. We also have a daughter to which now he cant talk to without her being i the room. She think loves is enough and they will get throught that . How when i no he is still lying to her?? They even talk marriage when him and i didnt even talk divorce. Well just like it might happen?
What does all that mean. I still love him but can i have him back? Why did he do that? Can they be happy? Can love as new girlfriend think be really enough?
Steph
September 3, 2016 at 1:03 pm
As she is away monday night he ask to come around for a bit but to keep it between us? He keep lying to her as he says he is scared to loose her because their relationship is having a hard time cuz of his lies. So that why he asking me to keep our contact secret???? She even get in a mood if i text him something regarding our child. She says its there time together??? So i told him maybe he should get in a mood to when her kids(18) contact her??? My daughter is 9 and i told him staright she is not a go between us. Anything to do with her he text me or i do. But not to pass throught a child so his new partner wont get a strop on. That i am upset about. That make me angry.
Saying that have u got a program that i could look into to help. Cuz like i say i got maybe silly of me but i got got this gut feeling that he is maki g the biggest mistake of his life. A part of me is hoping that if he keep emailing me on the sly and seeing me without her knowing mean he still got some feelings for me and it not all to do with keepi g the peace with her.
Steph
September 3, 2016 at 9:04 am
Hi.
Like i said since her and i find out he’s been lying she doesnt trust. They been living as a couple since februrary which i didnt no about till a couple of weeks.
He is trying to keep our friendship secret. He emails me so she cant see he did as she doesnt no that email address. If i send a text regarding our daughter she get in a strop. He even call me sometimes and delete the logs. He saying he does that cuz i am is best friend /soulmate and wont let anything happen to that but he need to prove to her that she can trust him. He says he loves her. If he want to repair is relationship with her andoves her why keep emailing on the sly? Why still lying to her?
Yes i still love him i can see the old him inside but this guy now look like the evil twin.
I dont no what to do. I am trying to keep contact just about our daughter but with him emailing me its hard. Any advice? Why is he doing that? I am his wife and actually the situation make me feel like i am the ow ….
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 10:45 am
Hi Steph,
he’s trying to fulfill different needs with the both of you.. I just have to clear something. Did you mean he’s trying to keep your relationship with him while hiding it to his new girlfriend?
Maria
August 23, 2016 at 1:31 am
My ex boy friend and I was together for 2 years and 4 months he broke up with me a few weeks ago and the next week he started dating this girl I stoped talking to him for a while then he started texting and calling me he says his not comfortable with the girl but he can’t leave her cuz he met her family from time to time he come and tells me about his problems with her and I just listen and understand him the problem is that he still say I love u to me and sees me behind her back and right now am confused about what I should do about this I need help or advices
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 26, 2016 at 4:06 pm
Hi Maria,
how are you now? are you going to do no contact?
Vicky
July 24, 2016 at 3:48 pm
My boyfriend of 18 months broke up because he had feelings for someone else, a spark he called it, even though he still loved me and felt like he needed to explore it. I initiated NC but he kept contacting me sobbing and telling me how much he missed and and I ended up breaking NC. He kept changing his mind and in the end i’ve had to unfriend him on Facebook and cut him out. We exchanged our stuff yesterday which was devastating, in some ways more so for him than me. He kept breaking down and crying, said he hated the thought of never seeing me again, he said he still loved me and we ended up saying goodbye for over 3 hours, 30 minutes was spent just hugging and crying by the door as neither of us wanted to let go. It was just crushing and then he said maybe I was right and he was making a terrible mistake. Do I stand a chance of him coming back? I’m going back into strict NC again but I worry it;s all too late and that if he wanted me he wouldn’t have been able to walk out the door even if he was crying.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 12:43 pm
hi Vicky,
i think you have a good chance.. He’s in a grass is greener syndrome..check this article out: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Heartbroken
July 24, 2016 at 1:19 pm
My ex boyfriend and I took a “break” that he initiated back in March due to us arguing over the littlest things..he eventually broke up with me officially in May and has a new girlfriend now. Im heartbroken over it because we were In a Relationship for 2 years and before that we were Best friends for 2 years..our families were close everyone knew and loved eachother..I thought for sure after this break and some space apart we would reunite and get back together and that he would give me a second chance, how could he move on to another girl, so quickly and btw this girl lives in another state..it’s such a weird situation..what can I do? We talked about marriage and being together forever. I just don’t understand men and why he would do this and I honesty do want him back. What is the purpose behind all of this? And why did he never give us a second chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 8:53 am
Hi heartbroken,
maybe because he only sees the negatives of the relationship..try to do what Chris advised here