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660 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Avatar

    Sabah

    August 26, 2020 at 7:47 pm

    My boyfriend kept saying he’s busy randomly we had not argued and then he just disappeared for a few days I’d still call and he’d answer after a few days just to say he’s busy. It has now been 4 weeks and I’m ready to try no contact as we have not broken up but guess he needs space?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 27, 2020 at 1:50 pm

      It sounds as if he is lacking effort to keep in touch with you so yes, follow at least 21 days no contact and see if he gets in touch with you

  2. Avatar

    Mia

    August 25, 2020 at 2:38 pm

    My ex and I broke up this past Saturday due to him being too stressed out to handle a relationship. He continued to say “I’m not able to communicate right now” or “you deserve someone you can talk to and be there for you and that’s not me right now.” He also mentioned wanting to see me happy and knowing that he wasn’t doing a good job at all at the moment. He’s requested space back in June and I would try and do it but cave in a few days later and check on him, sometimes he’d respond other times he wouldn’t. It would be short and to the point responses but he’d always say that he was busy or just too upset to communicate. It’s been hard ever since the pandemic started (we started dating 2 days before our state closed) but we managed it up until his family members started to get sick…I feel selfish for wanting his attention because he’s dealing with so much emotionally that he’s literally shut down and is fallen into a pretty bad depressive state. So much so that he changed his day shift to a graveyard shift to get away from people. It makes me sad because this isn’t how he is as a person and him pushing me away and ending the relationship out of desperation for his own emotions as well as mine and my feelings is heartbreaking. He just kept saying he was sorry and that he really wants me to just be happy even if that’s with someone who’s currently level headed. I’m afraid of the no contact rule because I worry that I won’t hear from him but I dont want to get blocked as the only social media he currently uses is his phone number so if I lose that I lose everything. Like he and I had big plans this upcoming winter, I’m moving to his city and starting grad school now I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I want to work through this together but he doesn’t want help and he wants to be alone. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      Hey Mia, No Contact is definitely the way forward. Keep working on yourself during this time and plan your reach out texts from what Chris has put together in his articles and videos to help you

  3. Avatar

    Maria

    August 8, 2020 at 2:55 pm

    Hey Shaunna.
    So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years. In the beginning of the pandemic he broke up with me and I went no contact for two months and then got back together. Its been two months of alot of love until the past 3 weeks.

    Week 1. Out of the blue he tells me he needed to be alone and I said ok. I gave him three days until my anxiety got the best of me and i called to pick a fight and broke up with him (this was my fear of abandonment getting the best of me and making things worse). He called me back that night and I didnt return his call until the next day, where we had a two hour fight over the phone and ended the conversation with both of us worn out but saying we wanted to be together but on good terms. We spoke again the next day in a calm manner. Spent the weekend together.

    Week 2. Things seemed fine until he called me up to tell me was organizing a trip with his buddies and I just got angry again and picked a fight threatening that he might not have a girlfriend when he was back, that he was being selfish, that everything is about him and his needs and i feel alone. He hung up on me. For the next three days i didnt hear from him, that sunday was our 2 year anniversary… So i called him and invited him for coffee at a neutral place to talk. He came, but he was so angry at me he could barely look at me in the eyes. Said he was having doubts about us. So i told him i was tired as well of breaking up and getting back together, and that i had doubts myself. I was calm and collected during this honest unconfortable talk. He told me he doesnt feel free with me and i told him i dont feel free with him either, maybe we are just addicted to each other. I even offered friendship to which he said it might be best not to make harsh decisions as of now but that he needed time to process this conversation and that we should keep talking. So I told him I gave him the blessing to go with his buddies and that I would try to take it well. No kissing, nothing. Cold, uncomfortable, but peaceful encounter

    Week 3. Its been 6 days since that talk, Ive completely backed off, no texts, no calls, zero initiation from me and I havent heard from him, hes on that trip with his buddies. Im managing my fears and anxieties to the best of my abilities without making things worse, self care, friends, hobbies, work, etc. I know i made things worse by fighting, threatening, thats my part which im owning.

    Im confused. Because we didnt officially break up, I even offered friendship on peaceful terms, he said he needed time to process things and never specified how long he just said it was best not to make such heavy decisions that day we talked and to keep talking. My mind keeps playing the worse case scenario, that hes already broken up with me but keeping me hanging and at the same time. I know I have no control over the outcome except for patience and acceptance, all i know is I cannot let my fear and anxiety make things worse again. I know this is also an opportunity to ask myself what I want and that I also have the power to choose to walk away from this painful situation which I have also co created for myself by not being able to respect the original request for space. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:01 pm

      Hey Maria, so based on what you have said I would say that you are broken up as he said he needed time to decide what he wanted. I then would say that you need to follow a No Contact again and start living your life in the mean time. You need to do things with friends and even casually date if you feel up to it. I would work the Ungettable information and let him feel that he is going to lose you, while he is away do not reach out to him at all. If he reaches out to you thats not a bad thing, but dont reply. Let him think about you, and why you’re not answering him

  4. Avatar

    Alisha

    August 7, 2020 at 11:02 pm

    Hi,

    So I have been with my boyfriend for … 6/7 months now and we started off amazing. He liked me more and I eventually liked him… we got really close and then covid happened. But we were fine and used to long distant as he’s in London and I’m in 2 hours away. It’s been hard due to covid but we always Spoke loads and on the phone every night. Until recently he’s just been so so so busy he forgets or falls asleep and doesn’t say anything. I picked it up a few times and he was sorry but now it’s like he’s not changing. I just feel like no matter how busy you are you should make a 1 minutes time at least for people you love.
    Anyway.. our parents know about each other and we have had extra pressure to get married etc (I’m Muslim btw so it’s not favourable to date long)… but we both spoke in a way where we want to get married and we chose each other etc from the start.

    So.. recently he’s been distant but still saying I love you etc but I feel like I’ve been carrying the weight.
    So There’s been times in the past two weeks where ives cried and not known what’s going on… called loads and texted loads (I know I shouldn’t but he never reached out!).
    And when he did eventually reach out.. he’d be like “I don’t want to talk when we’re both upset. I want to give you my proper time etc and not hurt you. It’s hurts me when I hurt you…”

    Now.. randomly he blocked me on insta two days ago and I got abit crazy and called/texted him and now he eventually said “I need some space. I’m going through a lot

    Now it happened again and he blocked me on insta .. and today he not doing well at the moment and he needs some space.

    What do I do!? Is that weird? Isit weird he blocked me off insta? He doesn’t want this does he. I just feel like it’s a coward way out of breaking up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 25, 2020 at 2:31 pm

      Hey Alisha, his reasons for blocking you on insta is odd unless you are contacting him through that. You need to allow him some time and space, if your family try to pressure you explain that things are not that simple at the moment and walk away from the conversation. Read about following a NO Contact and I would also suggest that you do this for 45 days as he keeps blocking you

  5. Avatar

    Ana

    August 5, 2020 at 7:45 pm

    My boyfriend and i have been dating for closer to a year now. It was a really weird start because he wanted to be in a relationship but I was kind of hesitant. We then decided to give it a shot and it was great. After COVID happened, we both delt with it in very different ways. He was really relaxed and I was getting more and more rigid. We then started to fight a little more often than most at that time. He broke up with me this weekend – but said in two months we could reevaluate where things are at. He said he loved me but his anxieties and unhappiness aren’t good right now – and he doesn’t think he can be in a relationship. I don’t know when the best time is to reach out because Im scared to push him away.

  6. Avatar

    Miranda

    July 27, 2020 at 9:32 am

    Thank you so much for this article EBR.
    My ex and I had been dating 3 years before I broke up with him in April this year. It stemmed from a fight we had the day before (honestly, I don’t even remember what it was even about anymore). All of that in conjunction with the stress of being in long-distance because of our uni moving online, job hunting and family issues, it was just too much and admittedly, I couldn’t handle the relationship. We decided to stay in contact, as much as or maybe a little less than how much we usually communicate.
    We both successfully found jobs by the end of June and I had then explained that I still love him and would like to get back together. Apparently, he was not happy with the job he has gotten and would like to start job-hunting over. He even decided to extend his time at uni for another semester. Due to all of this (+ the dilemma he is facing about what future he wants for himself etc), he asked for more time. He even said he does not feel anything for me at the moment except for respect and admiration. He says that he really just does not feel anything for anyone or anything because he is too conflicted within himself. This hurt a lot, obviously. I was hoping he still loved me but I honestly understand that he is juggling so much stress in life right now that he probably could not be bothered with a long-distance relationship during this pandemic. It also seems to be true because our mutual friends were not made aware of our break up, he stopped actively hanging out with them, and he hasn’t deleted any of our pictures from his social media. I admit I gnatted him once and begged but we talked it through and decided to meet in December (if all of this is over). Right now, I have not been in contact with him for a week. Should I talk to him after 30 days? Or just wait it out until December? I don’t want to make him feel like he’s alone with whatever he’s struggling with…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 3:02 pm

      Hi Miranda, if you are going to follow the program you need to complete a 30 day no contact and then reach out with the same style of texts that Chris suggests in his articles and videos

  7. Avatar

    Diane

    July 27, 2020 at 5:14 am

    My boyfriend told me he was emotionally unavailable and very stressed and needed to retreat to deal with many stresses – work, finances and others he did not detail. He wasn’t prepared to talk about it more, asked if we could talk about it later and told me he would call me. That was 5 weeks ago. He has not contacted me and I’ve left him alone – respecting his space and what he asked for. I’m thinking of reaching out with a simple ‘Hi – how are you?’ I don’t know what’s going on and I’m highly anxious about our current state but trying really hard to take all the advice I’ve read and leave him alone. Relationship seemed normal right up until he asked for space – it seemed abrupt. There was no fight or disagreement but perhaps some unintentional neediness on my part. I’m trying my best to focus on me and keep busy but it’s hard not to think about the future of us – Trying very hard to just trust what he told me and respect his needs. I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions or advice. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:43 pm

      Hey Diane, I think you are doing the right thing and taking a step back. Use this time to work on yourself. Read about the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable information and this work will keep you busy for some time and after your guy is ready to talk you should be in a much better and much more confident too.

  8. Avatar

    Carla

    July 22, 2020 at 1:40 pm

    Im with my Boyfriend for one year and months things were really perfect at the beginning he used to treat me like a queen .. a few months ago he started to change, care less, not saying lovely words unless I initiate and say them and gradually I felt he’s excluding me from his day and dont ask about my day or care about anything. Of course we had some Small fights but recently we didnt fight anymore I tried to be cool. Then suddenly last week he woke up deciding not talking to me but I didn’t even know that decision so I was checking on him every now and then sometimes he replies very late sometimes he doesn’t. He said some words that means he needs a quite time and that he didn’t like to talk but he said in general not to me specifically but I don’t believe that.
    Then he told no he’s okay with talking he was sweet a little bit and on the same day he disappeared at night and didnt answer it was on 16 july 2 days later he blocked me on whatsapp and instagram After I posted stories the next day he unblocked me in whatsapp only . Till now he didnt talk to me and I decided not text him either ..even my birthday was on 19 and he didn’t even say HBD. Im so disappointed.

  9. Avatar

    Kris

    July 19, 2020 at 5:19 am

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We talked for half a year before we started dating. We dated for another half a year before we made it official. I have a toddler, he always assured me that he understood that my son comes first and that he knew I had another priority besides him. Everything was going great…no fighting or arguing. Hardly any disagreements what so ever. We talked all the time about future plans. Like buying a house, getting married, and adding more children to our little family. My son even calls him dad…which I repeatedly asked if he was okay with and he said he was. On Tuesday of last week he seemed his normal self. Texting me his normal “Good morning beautiful”, “I miss you”, “I love you” to ignoring me on Wednesday. It was like a flip of a switch. I asked him about it and he said he felt that we hardly got to see each other, which we saw each other almost every day for a few hours (he was watching my son at night while I worked) and most of the weekends. He also said that I either didn’t want to or couldn’t do the things he wanted to do and that he didn’t want to do the things I wanted to do. Which didn’t make sense to me. I’m always doing stuff with him. So I asked to talk to him. I told him how much I loved him and how much I wanted to make this work. He told me he still loves me…I thought we were doing better that night but the next day it got worse. Blowing me off and pushing me away. So we talked again. He told me again that he still loves me…that he’s confused and not sure if he wants to work it out. That he can see us having a future most days but some days not but can’t see his life without me in it. That it might have been too much for him to have my son there at nights and how he probably is scared. So I offered space and he agreed to it. I’m worried I might have messed the giving him space up. I’ve texted him a few times since agreeing to give him space on

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 1:16 pm

      Hey Kris, you did the right thing giving him the space. You need to let him feel like what life is like without you in it. Make sure that you are handling things without him – without making it seem that you are struggling. You want him to feel that he is the one who is losing something not him. Sometimes… (speaking from experience) Working and kids can take a massive hit on a relationship, it is really hard to juggle everything but it sounds as if things got stale and he thinks there is “more to life” than this. It can happen, but what you need to do is try and introduce dates, fun and excitement where you can.

  10. Avatar

    Tori

    July 13, 2020 at 9:04 pm

    Hey!

    So I’m currently engaged to my fiancé of 2 years.
    When we initially started dating we were both absolutely obsessed with each other! We would speak ALL DAY, on the phone, text and FaceTime. Overtime we have been having SO many arguments about anything and everything. He cheated on me at one point. I was prepared to forgive him and move on from everything. Skip to present day, I am the one who always loves more. I’ve never forgotten any birthdays, anniversaries, anything! I listen to everything he says and I’m always the one calling/texting. He has never gotten me a birthday present or anything, never ever says I love you first. In short; I love him so much and he takes me for granted and does NOTHING for me. We always argue about him not giving me any time. He’ll go days without communication which is why I always text first. So last week we had an argument because I asked if we could FaceTime and he said I was too needy, and The whole argument blew up and we didn’t speak to each other for 2 days. After 2 days I called him and we ended up arguing again and he said that if I hadn’t called him, he would of never called me. So I told him I was going to block him and I’d never call him again. How do I make him appreciate me? And how long will it take him to realise that he was wrong and call me himself? Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Tori, I would think that the way you make him realise what he is doing is not putting any effort into your relationship. By following through with what you say. I would not block him but I would stop calling and texting him. I think you should also look at his actions he does not show you love or appreciation and he also cheated on you. It may be a case of this man does not value you and knows you are not actually going anywhere at the moment. You need to follow the rules of No Contact and work on yourself in that time, making sure that you realise your worth and work to be Ungettable

  11. Avatar

    Tiff

    July 7, 2020 at 5:37 pm

    My boyfriend is an introvert and also has pretty bad anxiety/depression. We had a drama filled three weeks (not necessarily between us, but with friends fighting and lots of negative social situations). On top of that we do have a lot of problems that kept getting shoved under the rug. Anyway, I could sense his anxiety getting worse so I called him and told him to take all the space he needs because I want him to have time for healing/self care without worrying about me. I completely cut off contact (super hard for me!!!). Ffwd and he texted me he was ready to speak to me again, which was MUCH sooner than I expected! Everyone talks about giving him space and what to do during space but no one ever talks about what happens when he’s done taking space!!! What am I supposed to do? Ease into it as to not trigger him to need space again? Act like everything is normal so that he feels like I’m mature enough to handle space? Is it crossing the line to tell him that I want to resume talking about our issues? I feel awkward responding to good morning texts and cute gifs; he’s resuming business as usual but it was so hard to me to refrain sending him memes or snapchatting him random things from my day. Also that I’ve been repressing a bunch of needed conversations in order to prioritize his health.

  12. Avatar

    Hazel

    July 2, 2020 at 6:07 am

    Me and my boyfriend started going out in February. He had chased me for two years and finally we started going out. I truly believe he’s the one for me. At the start of June he started to become distant which made me upset and angry and it made me text him all the time. The start of June we had a big argument and he walked off saying that he wanted to be in his own. I felt so confused because I wasn’t sure if he wanted space or to break up so I got very upset and have been chasing after him the passed month. Things have been okay between us I’ve asked him does he want me as if Girlfriend and hes said yes. He hasn’t been showing it recently and I’m getting mixed signals because when we’re together everything is fine but then I won’t hear from him for a few days and its always me who’s running to him. I feel like I’ve ruined it all by being to clingy and not giving him the space he needed when he asked for it. And I’m just so so scared that it’s way to late to give him that space and that he’s lost interest or is loosing interest. Is it too late for me to give him space? Were going to the beach this weekend and I don’t know if we have a good time if I should ask him does he want space or to just leave him alone without saying anything. PLEASE HELP!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 5:01 pm

      Hey Hazel, yes you need to give him space. Do not tell him you are doing so just take a step back and follow the information in the articles that apply to your situation. Read about being Ungettable an apply to yourself

  13. Avatar

    Ruby Balderas

    June 28, 2020 at 6:49 am

    He had seemed off for quite some time. So, that day that he told me that he felt like he is hurting me, I told him if he needed time off, he asked what time meant and he agreed too it. He said that he feela like he needs the time but he does not want to loose me, but it would hwlp him feel the spark in our relationship again and love me more like the begining, and to find himself. I am just dreading myself in agony because I feel responsible for the time off because I made it an option for him. We have been together for 5 years and this happend may 29 2020. But, i did visited him like 4days after the time off and he seemed super fine he seemed super happy.He told me lets get back together ,but i knew he needed the time off so i did not agreed to it becsuse his sctions showed otherwise.

  14. Avatar

    Anonymous

    June 22, 2020 at 3:35 am

    Hi. My bf and I have been dating for 7 months. Recently, I broke up with him because I wanted to focus on myself, I then realized that wasn’t what I wanted and I begged for him back. Later, he got upset that there were things I didn’t tell him were bothering me about my life. I didn’t mean to keep those things from him I just never felt the need to talk to him. Then, my guy friend told my bf that I said I love my guy friend. I did but I meant it platonically. My bf got incredibly insecure and doesn’t trust me at all now. He broke up with me a couple of days later but I begged for another chance. He’s giving it to me but he said I need to earn his trust back and he needs time. I asked him if he hates me and he said he for what happened kind of. I then asked if he hates me or if he hates what I did and he said he doesn’t know. He just needs to figure it out. Last night I told him I will give him space and I want him to come to me when he is ready. I’m feeling insecure because I’m very impatient and he doesn’t seem to care anymore. He is sending a lot of mixed signals and I don’t want to lose him because he and I have such an amazing thing going. I’m so afraid that if I continue to not contact him, he’ll get used to not having me in his life and that he’ll break it off for good.

  15. Avatar

    Toya

    June 19, 2020 at 4:47 pm

    June 18 2020

    The guy I have been dating first three months ask for space today. We meant at work which by the way was good when it started then got bad. In the beginning he told he just wanted to have fun. That fun leads to like and like leads to love. So we have been doing us until all the women that worked there started coming out the wood works. And seeing him talk to most of them everyday it got under my skin and today I snapped he told me that I need to grow up and that my jealousy was overwhelming. And that he needed time to think about what happened because I said things that I didn’t mean because I was feeling a certain type if way. And when in tried talking to him about it he said that I was doing to much and that he needed time to think. I started being Gnat and that was not me. My jealous got the best of me and I he said that this was not what he wanted was to be arguing at work in front of people but it wasn’t in front of people it was of to the side anyway. He said he would call me later and we would talk about it but he hasn’t called yet. So I feel like my jealousy got the best if me and he may not come back.

  16. Avatar

    Taylor

    June 14, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    So My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year. We had said I love you, and often discussed future plans such as marriage and even our kids names. I always felt like I was his #1 priority and often asked myself how I got so lucky. Occasionally we would fight, some weeks more than others but I always thought when it came to it we were good more often than not. One Thursday night (June 4th) long story short, What started as a bickering fight ultimately turned in to him seeming like he didn’t know what he wanted anymore and telling me he wanted space to think. After I left his place I texted him telling him how much I loved him and was willing to work at it and change my stubbornness to improve our relationship. I told him I would respect his desire for space but that I wanted him to know where my head was at after our heated argument. He went up north with his friends that Friday, I didn’t hear from him til Monday, when he texted me saying he was not ghosting me, that he was trying to make the right decision for us and that he had a lump in his throat because the whole thing makes him so sad and scared. I responded pleading with him not to give up on us, To which he didn’t respond. the next day I was absolutely loosing my mind, I asked if we could talk, he agreed to do so but said he hadn’t made up his mind yet. When we met up to talk he started off by blaming me for everything, he said hurtful things and made me feel like he was for sure breaking up with me, but when I called it out saying that it sounded like he had his mind made up and he would tell me he didn’t want to break up. as we continued to talk he opened up about anxiety and ocd and now he’s been struggling. I told him I just wanted to help and support him. He said his anxiety had turned to anger and his anger to resentment, and he thought If he got rid of me, he would get rid of the anxiety. Then as we continued to talk he told me “we’re going to get thorough this, we’re not breaking up, I love you” we ended the talk on a positive note, the next day he texted me as he told me he would. He was talking to me about day to day stuff and it seemed like we were on our way to being back on track Wednesday and Thursday I told him if he still needed space to not feel obligated to communicate with me. He said we could talk for now but that he wanted the upcoming weekend just to be with his dad and brother back in his hometown. Friday and Saturday, crickets. I wouldn’t text him other than to tell him I hope he had a good day and say goodnight and I love you, which he did not respond to. I was able to get into his Instagram and saw last night that he had just started messaging a girl, like it was happening in real time. They were both being very flirty and she asked if he was still dating that girl, to which he said “eh, great question” Now it’s Sunday morning and I am just completely at a loss. He texted me right away this morning saying “Good Morning Tay!” And I noticed he deleted the convo with the girl on Instagram. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 12, 2020 at 11:15 am

      Hi Taylor so ideally we do suggest that you do not hack into your boyfriends account as you need to have trust in him. However the fact he deleted the conversation and messaged you does show that you are what he was thinking of when he woke. It may have got him back on track speaking to her realising that he didnt want to lose you. However, by the sounds of things you are your boyfriend do need to learn how to TALK not bicker or argue. If he has got OCD and anxiety then you need to learn what his triggers are and how to avoid them with him, so that he does not put that impression that you are causing those negative feelings.

  17. Avatar

    Lyn

    May 28, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    I’m a 50 y.o. woman dating a 53 y.o. man. Here’s my story, I hope you can provide some guidance. We started dating January 2019 and everything was incredible except for our communication because we’re both reserved in nature and having been hurt deeply before (both divorced, him twice), we were both guarded although on the same page. I loved him, I was almost certain he loved me, and although we hadn’t said it yet, actions spoke volumes and I was secure. And then his life turned upside down that May and he started to withdraw. Having never experienced this before with anyone, by July I’d had enough of the inconsistency and was throughly confused so I started seeking some understanding, and he mostly refused until he’d had enough of my efforts and broke up with me in August. He did so by text stating that he felt our lives and responsibilities weren’t compatible, which was just a cop out because I know this man. He was overwhelmed with stress and couldn’t focus on me/our relationship but couldn’t handle it like an adult because he knew he was hurting me and I knew he was hurting as well. I told him I disagreed with him, that I respected his opinion and that I’d miss him. I always take the high road. I moved on with my life immediately assuming that was that, no contact, no nothing. 90 days later (November) he resurfaced, we texted, we then talked on the phone and a few days after I agreed to meet and talk. He said all of the right things in all of the right ways for me to give him a 2nd chance, including why he broke up with me, how disrespectful texting it me was, and that he loved me. We talked for 6 hours. When I told him how what happened made me feel, he said to let him know if it every happens again. I know this man, he is honest, loyal, deeply emotional, but having been deeply hurt and because he’s in law enforcement, he wears heavy armor (a true alpha but with a gentle soul). That day he didn’t wear any armor and we started an incredible relationship that, I believe, would never have happened without the 3-month break. We were deeply in love and planning for the foreseeable future. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, mid-Covid quarantine (we live separately but still spending time together), and he started withdrawing again. He said he was feeling depressed and lacking any interest in anything. We’ve been trying to navigate the last 2 months but we’re both having a hard time with the current state of life, as is everyone. Finally last Thursday, he and I reminded him that in November he told me to let me know if he started withdrawing again. All he said was ‘noted’ and we went about our dinner. I was clearly frustrated again, and he knew he’d been frustrating lately. He left and he didn’t text to tell me he got home safely as he always does, let alone my daily ‘good night’ text. Neither of us texted ‘good morning’ the next day, Friday, so by afternoon I texted that I love him and that we need to find a way to support each other and get though this. He finally texted me the next day, last Saturday (hugely out of character but just like last August), and said he’s in no position to do much of anything, that he was going to try and regain his bearings and that I should have a good holiday weekend with my friend who was visiting. I waited 20 minutes and texted back that I understood and that he should do as he needs to take care of himself. That was 5 days ago and we’ve had no communication since. Now I have no idea what to do. He is avoiding me because he knows he is hurting me and can’t do better right now. Do I send an encouraging text? Do I leave him alone indefinitely? I don’t want to push him, he needs to get ‘there’ himself, and though I prefer to be with him and try to figure this out, I won’t wait forever. I don’t believe in forcing things but this is unfair. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 8:35 am

      Hi Lyn, so if he is depressed and hasnt ended things with you then I would allow him space as much as he needs without disrespecting yourself. You can check in from time to time, but you also need to set a limit to what you will accept. Give him some time to come out of this phase he is in, if it is one. As it patterns his behavior in August. For example if you say to yourself, if he is not seeking professional help, or out of his funk my end of June. Then I need to walk away for myself. However, if he is depressed I would suggest that you start suggesting he goes to see his GP or therapist of some sort to get the help he may need.

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    Ashlynn

    May 28, 2020 at 2:49 pm

    My “ex”pursued me for 2 years as I was in a diff relationship but we became bffs in that time. After finally ending it with my LTR bf, me and the bff became official. He knew I wanted kids and marriage and always said he wanted them with me (dispute him being 10 yrs younger) So we’ve been dating for almost a year now and he came over last week saying he thinks he has to “let me go” bc he doesn’t think he’s going to be ready for marriage and kids when I want. And BC of my age he doesn’t want to steal that from me.
    I told him I think this is just him being scared and pressured and It’s ok that I will wait. He said he needed to think over the weekend. He came back and said that he thinks we should break up bc he’s not sure if he loves me enough to marry me or not. He says somedays he does And he thinks I am so amazing and he can’t wait for our future and somedays he feels like he doesn’t wanna come over at all but he does anyway. I told him that’s normal and esp in these weird Covid times when we have been bored at my house watching tv and not out doing things as we always have done.
    He said he did not wanna waste my time and steal my kid Having opportunities so he thinks we should split up. I “natted” him into meeting in 3 weeks when the emotions aren’t high and we are not emotionally exhausted.
    I love him like crazy and there were not signs of this. He was still going above and beyound to do sweet things for me all this time.
    Any advice or encouragement? Please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Ashlynn, you need to start the program with a No Contact where you are working on your Holy Trinity and using social media to show you are doing well without your ex, even if you feel that you are not. Read more articles that are going to help you through the process and prepare for your first reach out text

  19. Avatar

    Stacey

    May 23, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    We have been together for two years. Split up for 6 weeks because we were falling out a lot. In those 6 weeks I asked him to talk and sort it out twice and both times he said no- so I left him to it.

    He then asked to speak to me and wanted to sort things out, so we did and have been back together for 3 weeks now.

    However, the other day he said he said he wanted be alone that’s why he couldn’t meet me but went to meet his friends instead. We barely spoke for a 2 days before that so when I found this out I was upset and said some nasty things which I have apologised for. He said he’ sorry too as he could have handled things better but he needs some time and doesn’t want to talk to me. That was 2 days ago. He hasn’t said how long he needs.

    He said he’s struggling with other things at the moment, i have offered him my support but he said he doesn’t know. should I just give him the time he needs or send him a text asking if he’s okay?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 10:43 am

      Hi Stacey, so sometimes when guys say they want to be alone, they mean guy time and thats okay! We all need our alone time, and time with just our friends. Yes you need to give him space when he needs it and that is where I would reach out and ask how he is doing but do not go into an emotional conversation or ask to meet him, let him chase you

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    Kylie Raid

    May 21, 2020 at 11:09 pm

    Hi,

    My boyfriend just recently broke up with me. It came out of nowhere as we’ve recently started arguing and he continued to tell me that we would get through anything. This quarantine has been really hard on him and it sucks because our relationship began when the stay at home order began. Because of this all of the feelings have affected our relationship. He told me he still wants me in his life and I’m very special to him, and he loves me, but he needs space for now. I then asked him if there’s a possibility of us getting back together and he said he doesn’t know because he can’t predict the future.I begged him at first but then realized the no contact rule is important. I want things to work but I have no idea and need advice

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 6, 2020 at 9:46 pm

      Hi Kylie, so your focus during your No Contact is working on yourself so that when you reach out at the end you are the best version of yourself. Read about the Holy Trinity and being Ungettable and follow that advice to help you through the process while preparing for your first reach out text, which Chris has written articles about too

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