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Marie
June 12, 2019 at 2:38 am
Very interesting. How about if I contacted him as the dumper and he invites me to a fair he’s participating in? I ended up going and he seemed elated to see me and we chatted, laughed etc which was beyond my expectations completely. So i asked him out for a coffee a couple if days later but his response was “I’m in a rship now and it would be innappropriate considering our past together” our past being a pretty intense rship, when I dumped him, we were both on good terms after. I’m devastated, should I just move on?
Thanks Chris!
Meghan L
June 11, 2019 at 10:09 pm
Hi, I’ve stumbled across this article a few times, thank you so much for the content. I’m wondering a) what the sixth reason is? and b) what to do in my situation. My ex boyfriend and I lived together until a year ago, for 3.5 total years together, and spent the last year on and off spending a lot of time together, texting every day, etc. We broke up largely because of fighting – which stemmed from my emotional outbursts and his feeling of neglect/sexting – but had years of passion and fun, we were each other’s first true loves and are both in our upper 30’s. I was mostly the one pushing for a chance with him after making life so hard on us, and as he kept in touch every day, hanging out regularly with me, I held hope we’d get back together with time; however ,I walked away a few months ago as it didn’t seem to be moving forward. He reached back out saying he loved me and saw a future with me, and we booked plans to travel on a business trip of his together. During this time, for the last 6 months or so, he also began dating a woman that had previously been his friend, and their relationship has progressed quite a bit. He told me they were just friends and it was casual, and recently told me that he might love her, and might move in with her. I’m stunned, confused, and unsure of what to do. We’ve had a lot of “talks” and I dont think they’ve gotten anywhere, and he suggested we take a break in communication. He has also however continued to contact me. I will absolutely abide by this desire to take a break, and likely need to move on, but I’m wondering if I tell him, or just simply go into no contact indefinitely? Thanks in advance for any thoughts. ~Meghan Lockhart
Chris Seiter
June 11, 2019 at 11:10 pm
Hi Meghan…glad you are enjoying the content. Ummmm….so perhaps No contact is the right medicine…at least for a while. But consider giving him a heads up as to your need for some self recovery, healing, and focus on your individual growth. Take a look at my Program – EBR Pro Bundle
Lu
April 28, 2019 at 8:25 pm
My situation is not covered in this article. It’s been three years since he broke things off and is living with a new girl claims they broke up but still living together. He’s trying to get me back. My dilemma is I will always love him and have a weakness for him however I am much happier now without him and I don’t want a negative, mentality and emotional, controlling abusive relationship we had in the past. He’s claiming that he has changed and things will be better but I do not trust him. How do I make him let me let him go….. he says he wants to marry me and cant let me go.
Violet
April 22, 2019 at 3:18 am
Agh. So i dated my (now) ex a while back (almost 6 years ago). We were very young then about 17-18. He liked another girl before me & he still sort of had feelings for her during our relationship it seems… well, eventually we broke up for other reasons: he was emotionally abusive, controlling, insecure & jealous… honestly i still hold resentments towards him for treating me that way. But after the relationship he hooked up with her once (i believe she wasn’t into him so it never further developed), then he spent pretty much all of his time chasing me to get me back. I reckon it was/is the grass is greener syndrome bc i was a pretty great gf as far as actions go, and i dont think he could find someone as good to him as i was. Him and I dated for a little over a year, but ever since hes been contacting me every year or so. Well we have finally started to hang out again, but i cannot let go of my resentments and i wonder is it really ME he loves still or is it just what he thinks i can do for him? Am i being too skeptical or am i sensing a gut feeling? He hasnt really done anything that bothers me recently, its sort of like i just want to punish him for how he treated me, and i want to know whether he is feeling the way he does about me because of his own selfish reasons or because of genuine interests in me… help
Patience
April 7, 2019 at 1:34 pm
My ex and I started dating in 2017, we broke up 2019 January 2019 because he began acting strange, one day he’d say he loves me the other he says he’s not ready for a commitment. So I took up the stand and broke up with him. Well of course he did not agree with me, he wanted the relationship to keep going but I felt he was just using me. Then after a week, he posted a girl who used to work for his uncle as he’s new girlfriend and after a month of our break up, he began texting me and calling at midnight or even more late than that, sometimes he’d inbox me telling me how much he misses me and how he needs me to be with him.
I don’t know what to do about this situation, he’s literally stalking me. He says he still loves me and wants me back but he has another girlfriend and when I bring her up in our conversation he starts explaining to me their misunderstandings and he even sends me audio and screenshots of their chat so that he proves to me that they are having misunderstandings. What can I do about this situation???
K.
February 2, 2019 at 7:10 pm
Hi. I had a long distance relationship with someone 6 years ago. We were in love, it was instant, effortless. We talked about the future and moving in together. Some personal things went down in both of our lives and we ended up drifting apart. This November we reconnected. It was effortless and his words “like we picked up where we left off”. However, he continued with he is in a relationship with someone else and though he’s be happy to be friends this is for platonic purposes only. He doesn’t want any complication (*Note we reconnected just two weeks after he started this new relationship). After a couple weeks he mentioned that he still has those feelings for me that he had back then or he sure as hell wouldn’t be talking to me now, he reminisced about the past briefly then mentioned that though it seems like we picked up where we left off he can’t be in a long distance relashionship. He can’t be with me being so far away, he doesn’t think he could with anyone. Eventually he showed interest in sexting but then felt bad as it wasn’t “fair to me or his girl friend” and didn’t want to “trigger” anything. I have to add that sometime after this he mentioned his girl friend and I have a lot in common (similar personality, interests, passions and values) – talk about twisting the knife in deeper. We cut back on communication since November but he still reaches out from time to time or I will and he continues to flirt with me and says things like “if I came there that summer (6 years ago) I / we would’ve……”. I am still in love with him and he knows this. I would move there if he was serious about being in a relationship with me again. That’s a no-brainer for me. Besides I am planning on moving within the next few months to a year. I’m just not settled on a location. I made him aware of this as well and that I’m playing it by ear and seeing where life takes me. Though, I haven’t mentioned to him that I’d move there with him because I’m afraid to bring the topic up again. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or seem needy and like I can’t take a hint. But he is the one that got away and I will love and cherish him always. He has said this to me as well since reconnecting. And I’m afraid if I don’t do something soon it will be too late and he will fall in love with her and settle down. I have a strong feeling that that is what’s beginning to happen. I’m not sure what to do.
Chris Seiter
February 3, 2019 at 12:15 am
Hi K!So I can see a lot has happened and as you know there are a lot of moving pieces with any breakup. Best to have a blueprint or plan to follow. So my advice is to leverage some of the teachings in my Program and adapt a strategy. I have a ton of resources that can help you. Obviously, there is still a connection between the two of you, but I agree you shouldn’t move unless you know he is serious about making it work.
Rochelle
December 28, 2018 at 6:15 am
Hi Chris. My ex and I dated for almost 3 years. He has PTSD, other mental health issues so he can flip flop emotionally and seems to always seek new stimulus, new “passions” and believes if the “love feelings” are gone, then love is gone. We fell HARD and FAST, never argued between us, but my boys’ dad caused problems that my now ex could not come to terms with – it ate at him (so he says) until he says he became so miserable, resentful towards me, finally cheating on me to “get out” of our relationship. He says adamantly that he didn’t love me anymore. I never begged or pleaded, but I did let him know that I was still in love and it would take a while to get over him. He stopped seeing the girl he cheated with almost immediately, was alone for a while but in the last 4 or 5 months has dated a couple of girls, sleeping with them. I have been a presence throughout as I want to get him back, so I’ve been always present. (we go to the same gym and see each other constantly) He started hinting at me a few months ago to come over but would immediately say, never mind, good night. Finally around Thanksgiving, he and I started heavily flirting, he asked me to come over and I did. I know all the experts say that’s the kiss of death, but it had been 7 months! Anyway, he and I have been seeing each other, having sex, hanging out since then, but he’s still dating the last girl he started dating before we started hooking up. He says she’s “safe” because he has no feelings for her and nothing will come of it, but he’s a guy and hey, she gives him sex. Meanwhile, he’ll go a day or so without contacting me in between our seeing each other. He has said all along that he never wanted to lead me on and, in fact, blocked me on social media in the beginning and created a bit of distance between us, only having very superficial contact. He says spending too much time together isn’t a good idea for us, that he can spend time with the other girl cuz there’s no feelings for her, it isn’t serious, but our situation is different and not safe. Is he completely over me? Am I being used or is he maybe struggling with his own feelings about getting back together and dreading coming back into a situation dealing with my boys’ dad??? Does his not feeling “safe” spending time with me mean he’s afraid of falling back into a relationship with me? HELP!!
Chris Seiter
December 29, 2018 at 2:30 am
Hi Rochelle!
I know what you are going thru is hard. I don;t feel well equipped to advise you on matters regarding PTSD. There is a lot going on here, so right now I think your focus should be on your emotional health and sometimes giving each other a lot of space and time is the right medicine.
Ama
December 23, 2018 at 9:10 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for 5 years and we broke up about a year ago.. He left me for his ex-girlfriend. And this is what he sent me recently ” your place in my heart will forever be. I think about you ; a lot. Miss you .” why did he send me this message and what do I do to get him back.
Chris Seiter
December 24, 2018 at 5:37 am
Hi Ama!
5 years is a good amount of time to be together and those feelings and connections linger for a long time. Its unclear whether he is having a melancholic moment or is testing you to see how you might respond. You can slowly explore to see if he would be responsive to communications and learn more about what is going on in his life.
Chris Seiter
December 24, 2018 at 5:37 am
Hi Ama!
5 years is a good amount of time to be together and those feelings and connections linger for a long time. Its unclear whether he is having a melancholic moment or is testing you to see how you might respond. You can slowly explore to see if he would be responsive to communications and learn more about what is going on in his life.
Anon
September 26, 2018 at 8:35 pm
Ugh my post never went through.
IN NEED OF SERIOUS help.
My ex and I broke up back in may. It was a neutral break up. However after the breakup he wanted to remain friends and I didnt because I needed to move on and better myself. We havent talked since until a week and an half ago. Where he texted me a picture of my dog and we have been talking non stop every since. He has a girlfriend. They recently started dating about 2 months ago. Him and I hung out twice within the last week. Hes talked about his girlfriend however I have not heard one nice thing about her. Not just that they were having issues in their relationship and mentioned that it may not be worth it but they are going away in 9 days. And would continue the relationship and see how things go after. I just dont get why he would speak to me after 5 months of not speaking. And to be talking everyday from morning to night.
Chris Seiter
September 28, 2018 at 3:19 am
Hi Anon!
Have you considered tapping into one of my eBooks as there is only so much I can do here given the limited time I have to respond to everyone! Right now, if the communications lines are open with your ex, explore them. But if he has a girlfriend, it seems you should tread carefully and ask him what his intentions are.
Chris Seiter
September 28, 2018 at 3:19 am
Hi Anon!
Have you considered tapping into one of my eBooks as there is only so much I can do here given the limited time I have to respond to everyone! Right now, if the communications lines are open with your ex, explore them. But if he has a girlfriend, it seems you should tread carefully and ask him what his intentions are.
Anon
September 24, 2018 at 5:16 am
Hi
Chris Seiter
September 25, 2018 at 3:01 am
Hello there Anon!
How are things going for you?
Destiny Marshall
September 8, 2018 at 1:42 pm
Hello very great article helped me think about things however I would like to tell my story now okay so me and my ex been broken up for about a year now he’s the one who initiated the breakup and now he is in a new relationship with another girl however he is contacting me more now then before and when we do talk he’s asking how I’m doing or where I’m at he’s also asking me to take him out and that he’s not happy within these last days I’m trying to see what his motives is because I still do love him and would love to get back with him if that’s whats on his mind. Although I’m not too quick about it but if that was an offer I wouldn’t turn it down I’m just trying to figure out the deeper picture behind all of this contacting and when he does contact me he’s always calling first and then we suppose to be meeting up but that don’t never happen but he doesn’t ask for sex or talk nasty to me we have general cordial conversation checking up on each other he just be wanting to know what I’m doing today and where I’m at or what time I get off work. I don’t wanna feel strung alone or anything I don’t like that. And I’m okay with being friends first until we reach that tree again but I don’t know if I’m that comfortable with even that (being friends) because he is still in a relationship o yea not to mention he was telling me he’s happy and he’s not leaving her but yet always calling my phone how do/should I go about this? Please help ?
Chris Seiter
September 9, 2018 at 5:19 am
Hi Destiny!
Time will reveal what is really going on in his head and how this other relationship will work out. He seems to have unfinished connection with you. But so long as he keeps saying he wants to be with this other girl, then you should accept until he gives you a firm reason to believe otherwise. If it upsets you that he reaches out to you, then tell him to stop. Otherwise, keep the connection alive. I refer to it as the “Being There” method
Anna Lorraine
September 4, 2018 at 3:35 am
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up around 3 years ago, and we were together for 4 years. He has moved on with another girl around a year after our break up and we have been talking mostly online sometimes on the phone for maybe a year now. Now he says he is happy and that their relationship is stronger but he told me they haven’t put a label on their relationship because the girl is not ready for a serious relationship yet and even then she isn’t sure if she wants one with my ex. Now lately he says that they have been having fights more often, but he says he is happy and I am taking hisnword for it. Now recently he has told me that he has been thinking of just ending his relationship with his new girlfriend and trying again with me, however he does not want to be the onento instigate the break-up and would rather just things unfold naturally. I know it’s stupid because he woild not actually break-up with her for me despite having thouhts of doing so, but it got to me and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Chris Seiter
September 4, 2018 at 9:23 pm
Hi Anna…i don’t know if he means what he says, but it has the effect of playing with your emotions and it is actually irresponsible for him to say such a thing to you, toying with your emotions. I think you should look at a form of limited contact for now, with a focus on your own healing and recovery activities.
Jane
August 6, 2018 at 3:34 pm
Hi, maybe you can help me understand what this man really wants from me.
we had kind of relationship for about 1 year, it was very problematic because he didn’t want us to be a real couple, just friends with benefits since we were far away but sometimes it was very romantic, he seemed to be in love with me and even got jealous if I talked to another man. One day he told me he liked a friend of mine he saw on my facebook, they talked and he told me he was in love with her that I was only ever just a friend and that he didn’t love me, I thought he was trying to make me jealous because I was talking to another man before he contacted her and that girl who once was my friend told me she didn’t like him, that it was just him trying to talk to her so much. Well, with time he told me they had a relatioship and since i was devastated and talking to him I was ruining their relationship. With my heartbroken I decided get away from them, he used to talk to me whenever they fight and it was obvious he wanted sex.
One day he talked to me telling me they broke up because of me, that I was a mean person and that i had to make it up from him, I asked him to not talk to me anymore, later he talked to me saying he was going to kill himself, I asked if it was because he missed her and he said “yes, tell her I am going to kill my self I don’t want her to wonder” I knew he wouldn’t do that, next day he talked to me saying he was sorry he had had a bad day. I even asked to the other girl about them and she told me they didn’t have a real relationship while he says they even had sex and that she told him she loved him.
He recently talked to me, he told me that he misses me, he want to see me and wants to be friends and still really likes my body, so I think he wants the same we had before but I have been very firm in my desicion of no sex at all between us and I told him we can be just friends, yesterday he told me he still talks to her but she is too busy for him these days so she is no his girlfriend now but that he had to be honest with me “she is very pretty and intelligent, I like her a lot”, that’s what he told me.
I guess i am not over him because when he talks about her it really affects me, its’ been about a year in this situation, we don’t spend more that 4 months without talking but he always come to tell me the same: he approach me telling me my picture is cute and he miss me and ask me if a I have a boyfriend (I haven’t really dated any man after him) then he says he and that girls are not together because of me and I have to make it up, later he say he’s in love with her and never loved me but he likes my body and want us to be friends.
I am very confuse, I don’t know what to believe since they don’t say the same thing about their relationship, all I know for sure is that they have kept in touch, I guess one of them is lying to me but i don’t know who. I know it seems all he wants is sex but he really seem to be interested about my life.
Lastly I must confess sometimes I really want to talk to a friend of him just to make him feel as I do, once I told him I would do it too and he got very mad just to thinking about it. Would it be a bad Idea?
Amy
March 19, 2018 at 5:04 am
This is such a good read! I love your examples. You made things so clear and simple. I agree 100% with what you said. I wish I came across this years ago when I made that last mistake (sex with ex). Thanks for your inights and advice! =)
Linda
February 18, 2018 at 11:24 pm
My ex broke up with me back in September of 2017.
He randomly texted me in the evening Merry Christmas and had small convo. He then disappears for three weeks. Christmas morning, I changed my profile pic which is flattering and all my male/females friends love. Even guys from dating websites liked that particular pict.
He and I use an app called kakaotalk; which is korean version of WhatApp/Viber.
After three weeks of disappearing, he randomly texted me, ” You still use Kakao? How many people are in your account? lol”
I waited a week to respond to his message an I replied to, “Yes, I’m still using it.”
Of course, I didn’t tell him how many people I have on my contacts because it’s none of his business.
Don’t you think it’s a strange question to ask an ex? Why would he care if I still use the app if he is the one who ended the relationship.
Is he trying to get me back in a way or just bored?
btw, before he broke up with me, he told me he doesn’t contact exes. So.. I was surprised when he texted me out of the blue.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2018 at 2:23 pm
Hi Linda,
It would be better to assume he just bored because it was just message.
Me
January 26, 2018 at 7:14 am
why does my post disappear?
Ex reached out again. This time he said just so you know, I do miss you. Keeps trying to fish what I am doing in my life, if I have a new boyfriend, who I hang out with, etc. I told him I am enjoying life, talk to people, etc. He said let me help you find a new boyfriend, lol.
When he “checks in”, he tells me improvements and things he is doing with his life. He said he is coming to town in a few months. He didn’t answer why(to see me)
He said he still looks at my pictures, he wanted to call me so he can hear my voice. I then asked him if he is not happy? He said he is happy but he still has all those attachments and a big part of me is still with him. If he is happy, why keep trying to connect with me?
He called me and he said he is not confused. He misses our friendship, conversations, our road trips I surprised him with, etc. Before the conversation ended, he called me baby and said he got lost driving because I distracted him.
Long story short, I kicked him out last May. He moved back home out of state to get his head together, be with family. He begged me back for 2 months straight, I told him my stipulations to work things out.
He starts drifting and becoming distant but still kept saying I love you miss you like crazy, I am coming home before winter gets here. I have to work to save money. I suspected he was getting involved with another woman up there, an old friend of his he dated 35 years ago.
He denied he was talking to anybody 2 different times, so I started NC. 5 weeks goes by, and he pops up. He came to town to visit his daughter. Said the reason he wanted to see me was mainly to apologize for how he treated me. He had ulterior motive of course(long story). He denied he was exclusive with this woman I suspected. This woman has a public fb profile so I was able to see things since September. She never directly mentioned him or tagged him in anything until Halloween, right before his visit in November. This is how I knew he was lying. He has a public fb profile as well but never posted anything about her until after his trip.
After his visit in November and it all came out he IS involved with her, I told him not to contact me anymore. You lied, etc. You have her now. We are done!
Middle of December rolls around. Guess what? He does things for a week to get a response. I finally replied and gave him one, lol. I asked him if she knows you are doing this. He gave me an excuse why he was reaching out to me when I called him up on this. I told him honesty goes a long ways. It dont matter anymore. He said right lets be cool, past is past. I went off on him last month and thought that would be the end of hearing from him finally.
Looking back now, it appears he got himself in a rebound relationship with this woman. He probably was not in a relationship with her in September but he was involved with her. Moving her direction. Still is.
So why does he keep reaching for me if he IS truly happy and IN love with her? You wouldn’t or keep the conversation light and short. He wouldn’t keep doing what he is doing. I even told him this last time we talked. I am not playing games, I am not getting caught up in some love triangle. I am not your emotional support anymore. ON her fb page beginning of December, she uploaded her profile picture of the 2 of them. She made a comment to somebody they are working on happily ever after. He acknowledged it saying they are. I love you so and so. She tagged him on a picture same day on his fb wall. She said she is his fiancée. He never commented there.
So what is he hoping for by coming out saying what he did this week and plans
a trip here to town in a few months? HIs younger daughter still lives here where I am at. It obviously is not an emergency like November or a wedding, lol. I even told him I want to put this behind me and forget about it. He didn’t like that comment and said to shut it my nickname. I have been moving on with my life and he keeps popping in.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2018 at 11:50 am
In reply to Mel.
Hi Mel,
if you don’t want to get back with him, don’t be friendly with him.. It’s ok to talk to him about your child of course, but other than that don’t engage. He probably misses you or tries to gauge what you’re feeling about him but if he’s not meeting your standards, whatever his motives are, it doesn’t matter because he’s not in your standards.
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mel
April 11, 2018 at 4:04 am
Plus, if he is just using this woman until he gets it together, and leading her on like they have a future, that is wrong too. I have been moving forward with my life doing my own thing. I have never had an ex act this.
mel
April 23, 2018 at 9:30 am
I have come to the conclusion I think he has a personality disorder. No other explanation for all this nonsense. Of course he went silent on me after the big conversation I posted in here last time. Still dragging his feet to send the $ to ship those boxes. About ready to have a bonfire lol. I am going to keep jogging on like I Have been 🙂
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2018 at 9:35 pm
Hi again Mel. I actually jog and play lots of tennis to rid myself of stress! So you keep jogging along and if you needs some ongoing support and camaraderie of my Private Facebook Support Group (about 1500 women are members) where I do weekly Facebook “lives”, then just go click on my website Menu/Products link to learn some more. Just come jogging over if you wish! By the way….your great sense of humor is can to land you on your feet.
mel
April 11, 2018 at 4:02 am
I forgot to add that the child is not his. Is my ex hoping to reconcile with me and that I have a change of heart or is he just playing mind games, feeding his ego? he has put me through the wringer. We were friends for years before we got together. He is long distance and out of state too, if that helps. Not like I go can somewhere and sit down with him and get this all out, lol.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 4:38 am
He seems trapped in no mans land. He needs to grow up and plant his flag and if its you, he best convince you.
mel
April 11, 2018 at 3:59 am
I just saw my post on this page but several times because they didn’t appear right away. How long does it take to view them?
After I posted this and my last conversation with him when I posted this, I decided to completely block him up, I had enough. It was too much and holding me back trying to heal and move forward. He wasn’t honoring my requests and then to say all these things he still has attachments to me when he is in a new relationship and engaged after 3 months of dating her? He can’t be that happy or just using her for his own reasons. I felt that was not inappropriate. You think he would be over US by now since he has “moved on” and amount of tim that has passed sine we split up.
3 weeks ago, he calls me on another number! He was very upset and mad I completely blocked him out. Wow! HIs excuse was still about some things he has here. I unblocked him on messenger and we have chatted since then. He is supposed to be sending me the $ to ship these things to his home. We shall see. Still waiting lol.
Anyhow, a week after talking to him about this, he left me a vm at 1am my time saying things he shouldnt if he is with somebody. Of course he bracktracks and says I was with wiht oh hush. No, you sent this yesterday. He knows. I tried explaining to him why I blocked him out and now this message. Not fair to anybody, and that is emotional cheating. he claims he loves her but I beg to differ.
He cannot let go of me. He said he doesnt get it why i dont want to talk to him anymore. He has messaged me everyday for the last week, like he really mises me.
He said the other day that if I have feelings and attachments for him that it matters. He just reflects on what is important and he needed to get his life together(didd this after I kicked him out).
He still looks at my pictures. The problem I have with him is that he hid this woman from me and lied about it, while leading me on like he was coming back here to work on things. But since it all came out in November after he put it on fb after his trip here and still lied to me about her, he isn’t acting like a happy man who has found “new love”.
What is going on here? I would may be more inclined to discuss this with him if he left her.
He told me lst week he is working extra hours and to make this right, if you know what I mean. And he is very sorry he knows he hurt me badly and was wrong for this whole thing. He even keps asking if I have forgiven him yet which I told him i have. Only healthy thing to do.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 4:37 am
Hi Mel….so sorry. I sometimes get behind in replying, so that can hold up the viewing time. It does sounds like he is struggling with letting you go. But clearly, he can’t live in a delusion state thinking you are fine with him carrying on this way with another potential love interest.
mel
April 11, 2018 at 5:42 am
I also forgot to say that during the course of our big chat a week ago when I went off on him for doing this and that message, he said can we still be cordial friends? I said no, I don’t want to talk to you again. He is lucky I have not forwarded all this to his “fiancé” which we all believe is nonsense to get what he needs from her. I did threaten him before with it. Either you want me back or her, but I feel I deserve so much more than this idiot.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:56 pm
Yep…lot of choices out there that might be a much better fit.
mel
April 11, 2018 at 5:36 am
Thank you Chris. So what should I do here? This is nuts. Did you read the initial post on this board? Any other ex in my past, leaves you be. You move on or you resolve any issues or try it again and that is that. Not this guy. How can he say he is truly in love with his old friend and engaged to her that fast? Everybody thinks he is just using her for his own benefit and needs. And to have all these feelings for me still? It has been a year now I kicked him out. He decided to stay there and be with her and lied about it.
If I ignore him and don’t reply right away, he gets mad and sends me a message are you there? Are you mad at me?
5 days ago, I replied and said I am not mad at you. I just don’t think you get why it is best I don’t talk to you anymore. You hurt me too much and played games with me last fall and ever since it came out when you put it on fb- I think it did that for revenge because he didn’t hear what he wanted when he showed up, but I already knew he was with this woman, why would I keep subjecting myself to more bs after what he put me through when he had me to kick him out and lead me on all summer long? (lied to my face days before).
He said don’t get what? Really? I said then when you left me that vm last week about wanting to come down here and “be with me” if I let you, that brought up memories and made me more sad. He said he was sorry.
Now he is stalling about wiring me the $ for those big boxes of family pictures, heirlooms, etc, which I knew he would do. This is so wrong! I don’t have the money to ship it or I would. Another way to keep his foot in the door. He is being selfish!
He did say he is planning on sending me some money too with the shipping costs. He then said 3 days ago, he still looks ta my pictures. He said it matters to him if I miss him and still have attachments to him too. He said he just reflect on what is important. and he needed to get his life in order. He did because I didn’t know he was a HOT mess until after he started staying with me and then it all came out.
After all this, I feel there is so much baggage not to want to give him another chance. Mainly because of how he handled not telling me he decided to move on to something else up there. That was the last straw for me and then to keep wanting to be in my lie and still say all this stuff? He must be a glutton for punishment getting cursed out, blocked up etc. What does that tell you?
He needs to send me the $ for shipping and be done with it. Let me be for a while if he wants HER, and is happy. I even called him on it in January when he started texting me things. He said he isn’t confused, happy etc. I was like why you contacting me then? SMH.. Maybe he has a personality disorder? Then 2 week ago, he said he is working extra hours to save and make this right, if you know what I mean? What? Save $ to move back down here and hoping to still work things out with me after use your old friend? I even told him I am a queen not your happy meal. He said move forward like a queen then. Told him I have but you keep coming in my life saying all this stuff. Then asks to call me later. I said no, send me the $ lol. Seriously dude? SMH…
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:53 pm
Hi again Mel. I know, men can be nuts. I like that….”queen, not your happy meal”!
mel
April 23, 2018 at 9:26 am
Thanks Chris. I could not resist saying that to him.
Mel
January 26, 2018 at 7:03 am
Ex reached out again. This time he said just so you know, I do miss you. Keeps trying to fish what I am doing in my life, if I have a new boyfriend, who I hang out with, etc. I told him I am enjoying life, talk to people, etc. He said let me help you find a new boyfriend, lol. How’s the family doing, my son?
When he “checks in”, he tells me improvements and things he is doing with his life. He said he is coming to town in a few months. He didn’t answer why(to see me)
He said he still looks at my pictures, he wanted to call me so he can hear my voice. I then asked him if he is not happy? He said he is happy but he still has all those attachments and a big part of me is still with him. If he is happy, why keep trying to connect with me?
He called me and he said he is not confused. He misses our friendship, conversations, our road trips I surprised him with, etc. Before the conversation ended, he called me baby and said he got lost driving because I distracted him.
Long story short, I kicked him out last May. He moved back home out of state to get his head together, be with family. He begged me back for 2 months straight, I told him my stipulations to to work things out.
He starts drifting and becoming distant but still kept saying I love you miss you like crazy, I am coming home before winter gets here. I have to work to save money. I suspected he was getting involved with another woman up there, an old friend of his he dated 35 years ago.
He denied he was talking to anybody 2 different times, so I started NC. 5 weeks goes by, and he pops up. He came to town to visit his daughter. Said the reason he wanted to see me was mainly to apologize for how he treated me. He had ulterior motive of course(long story). He denied he was exclusive with this woman I suspected. This woman has a public fb profile so I was able to see things since September. She never directly mentioned him or tagged him in anything until Halloween, right before his visit in November. This is how I knew he was lying. He has a public fb profile as well but never posted anything about her until after his trip.
After his visit in November and it all came out he IS involved with her, I told him not to contact me anymore. You lied, etc. You have her now. We are done!
Middle of December rolls around. Guess what? He does things for a week to get a response. I finally replied and gave him one, lol. I asked him if she knows you are doing this. He gave me an excuse why he was reaching out to me when I called him up on this. I told him honesty goes a long ways. It dont matter anymore. He said right lets be cool, past is past. I went off on him last month and thought that would be the end of hearing from him finally.
Looking back now, it appears he got himself in a rebound relationship with this woman. He probably was not in a relationship with her in September but he was involved with her. Moving her direction. Still is.
So why does he keep reaching for me if he IS truly happy and IN love with her? You wouldn’t or keep the conversation light and short. He wouldn’t keep doing what he is doing. I even told him this last time we talked. I am not playing games, I am not getting caught up in some love triangle. I am not your emotional support anymore.
So what is he hoping for by coming out saying what he did this week and plans a trip here to town in a few months? HIs younger daughter still lives here where I am at. It obviously is not an emergency like November or a wedding, lol. I even told him I want to put this behind me and forget about it. He didn’t like that comment and said to shut it my nickname. I don’t want to go through anymore hurt with this guy. Been focusing on me. And I don’t feel like trying to rekindle this relationship while he is with her.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2018 at 11:50 am
Hi Mel,
if you don’t want to get back with him, don’t be friendly with him.. It’s ok to talk to him about your child of course, but other than that don’t engage. He probably misses you or tries to gauge what you’re feeling about him but if he’s not meeting your standards, whatever his motives are, it doesn’t matter because he’s not in your standards.
Ari
December 28, 2017 at 4:43 am
I met my ex when I was 16 and he was 19. We dated for 2 years and he dumped me. Heartbroken I was. We kept in contact throughout the years. Every once in awhile we would me up and talk and have sex and just go our separate ways until the next time. As time passed he would contact me because I knew what he wanted but I would ignore him and he would give up only to try again a month or two later sometimes longer. Here about a month ago I gave in and met up with him. I went to his house he bought dinner and we talked listened to music and just caught up. Nothing happened. I left and figured I wouldn’t hear from him for maybe months or maybe a year. The next day he contacted me and we ended up having sex. I thought oh big mistake on my part. I left thinking the same thing, I’m not going to hear from him. Wrong!! He tested me daily and called me as well. We had sex a few more times. I thought…has he changed? Wrong!!! He stopped texting, calling and he won’t reply to any of my text. At first, I was asking myself what did I do. Then I was sad and heartbroken…now I’m lost and confused by his actions. #tornupinside
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 7:02 pm
Hi Ari,
check this one:
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship
Rita
December 13, 2017 at 10:48 pm
Hey Chris
I met this guy for almost two years ago. We’ve been together for almost six months. His life was very complicated at that time. I saw him losing jobs and his house so I most definitely took care of him. After a while I found out he was cheating on me with several females so I broke up with him. It was a very nasty break up.. after almost two months he texted me he was sorry. It wasn’t really a serious text so I ignored it. After three months when he get out a new relationship I saw him sneaking on my snapchat (thanks to snapchat for this ability to see who’s watching you lol) I didn’t really care I was just wondering why. He was being on my Snapchat everyday watching my story. I brushed that off cause there some people watching any story cause they bored. After a year I texted him that I forgave him for everything he has done even if he was sorry or not. I cleared the air and moved on for myself. After I texted him this he was posting a snap for the first time ever since I was following him. I told my friend to watch it cause I don’t wanted he was very happy in it. Well I was happy that he was it. Two months later I posted a snap about my upcoming project. He took the step and texted me and asked me about my well being. I was kinda pissed off so we had more of an argument than a real conversation long story short he wanted to see me again.. I declined. We ended up in another argument we both ended up deleting each other. After four months I contacted him told him I would like to meet up know since I had the feeling we both should fix our behavior. We ended up seeing each other he was a different person I really saw how much he was working on being a better person. He had a new job, new clothes, car everything. The way he was carrying himself was differently and he really tried to improve himself in several ways, which he thought would have been the problem I broke up with me.. He apologized for everything and told me that he regreted doing all that shit and he asked me if I’d stil like to marry him like we was talking about when we was together. I declined and told him I wasn’t ready for anything. He hurt me and I just contacted him cause I was curious about finding out what he was about. He told me that he feels sorry that I just came to find out about his intentions cause he would still care and thought I was feeling the same. We met for three hours and during those three hours he introduced me to his stepsister I’ve never seen before. Which was very weird to me cause he was always so private with his family and we aint together. Anyhow he told me he was seeing another girl. But he isn’t sure with her .. I knew about the other female and was patiently waiting for him to tell me about her. I asked him why he lied to me he and this girl were together for almost 6 months and he was showing her off several times (especially that time when we was arguing about seeing eachother or not) well. He ended up telling me that he loves her but it’s not a save relationship. A lot of drama and I don’t know what to think about it. What does this guy want from me? And why is he talking to me knowing he has another female? What was his plan??? He is still in a relationship with her. I heard about she might be a rebound, but who rebounds almost 7 months to get „over“ a 5 months realtionship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2017 at 3:52 pm
Hi Rita,
sometimes it can start as a rebound but as a rebound relationship gets longer, the less it becomes a rebound because the relationship gets stronger.
Donna
November 18, 2017 at 2:25 pm
If men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women, common sense says they will always be looking outside their current relationship to find another woman that is better than the one they are committed to. Since there are always going to be women smarter, funnier, more beautiful, etc., this logic will ensure that men will never stay with one woman. The cycle will continue if, or until they become self aware and adopt some healthy understanding of what being in a real relationship means instead and not be lead by their ego. This doesn’t seem to be that encouraging for those of us that have been married for over a decade and our husbands have left us for their affair partner. It tells us that we were objectified and not valued for who we are. What inventive is there to be in a another relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2017 at 5:31 am
Hi Donna,
That’s an insecure guy.. The right kind of guy will still appreciate other women but not jump from one to another..
Being your best self is a way of respecting him and the relationship, and of course yourself.. When you’re your best self, you stay true to who you are, and the right guy will love the real you..
And another important factors in relationships are variety and mystery .. If you’re not always available and you’re constantly improving yourself for yourself, that means there’s always something he’ll be curious about with you..
And in that way, you also stay interdependent because you have your own life..