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Katie
March 18, 2015 at 1:37 pm
My ex and I broke up a few months ago. He said we grew apart but I don’t feel that’s what happened. We’re teens so he did want sex but I never really wanted to and he thought I was pregnant and blamed me. He said we should remain friends but all we seem to do is asrgue. Now he doesn’t check up on me anymore I try to reach out and get 1-3 word responses or he takes hours to reply.I was the first to try and move on and got a boyfriend and he got a girl who cheated on him. I tried telling him how I feel, he said it’s good to vent, he understands and then said my feelings don’t matter on social media to another girl. I’m tired of him always being annoyed when I reach out and it bothrs me he’s more upset over a manipulator than someone who actually cared for him.. Help?
Jessi
March 14, 2015 at 12:06 am
Hello Chris!
Me and my ex have been broken up for more than a year. We see each other practically every day. We left in good terms and decided to be friends. Well, not exactly friends, we say hi and make small talk from time to time. He has a girlfriend and I was wondering why he acts distant sometimes? This hot and cold behaviour is pissing me off and I don’t know how to handle this. I want to be friendly and not want to let it get to me.
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:26 pm
He probably acts distant because he has a new girlfriend…
Jessi
March 16, 2015 at 10:39 pm
I cannot be too sure…well now that is…if he still has a girlfriend. If he does, why doesn’t he act more confident towards me if there are no feelings?
Jessi
March 16, 2015 at 10:41 pm
…and also…its not like we just broke up…its been more than a year and we see each other almost everyday. I would think he should be used to me by now. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Sometimes I want to ask him if I make him uncomfortable and go on from there…
Isabelle
February 28, 2015 at 1:44 pm
Me and my ex broke up a week ago. I went through his phone texts and found out he was hitting on another girl. I literally said every single mean thing I could think of to him and broke up with him. But I really do love him. We dated for two years and he was my best friend. Now he’s following other girls on instagram, going out and drinking more than ever. I tried to talk to him to get the clothes I left on his house back and he was a total jerk about it, and acted like he didn’t even know who I was. I am going through depression for about a year and I’m getting worse now. Should I try to talk to him again or should I ignore him?
felicia
February 16, 2015 at 6:33 pm
Chris, i’ve been in limited contact with the ex ever since i added him back on facebook. I know it probably wasnt the smartest thing to say but i told him that i kinda missed him. this led to like an hour or so of us taking the piss out of each other, not hard core but pretty intense teasing. I know he was trying to troll me a few times and one of the last things he said was “if you want to try again you know where to find me ;)” argh, i know he was probably just messing but i really dont know what to do know. mind fucked for sure
melissa
February 6, 2015 at 12:19 am
so if he doesn’t apologize, it’s not worth it, is it?
admin
February 6, 2015 at 2:18 pm
What do you mean?
melissa
February 6, 2015 at 3:01 pm
He said hurtful things to me before and doesn’t even care about it.
melissa
February 6, 2015 at 3:01 pm
I mean, if it’s not worth it to try get him back.
Sara
February 2, 2015 at 3:27 am
Hi,
my ex and I broke up about 5 months ago. After a month of no contact, we started talking again around Christmas (I couldn’t take not talking to him). Initially he was very distant but he’s gotten much friendlier and warmer over time. He said he was distant after the breakup because he thought it would make it harder for both of us if we were in constant contact. When we started talking again, he said he might be willing to give us a second chance if he thought I had really changed (I had some mood problems previously that I’ve gone to a therapist for and am much better now). He’s said a few times now that he can tell I’m different, in a good way. Lately more and more he’s been really flirty and bringing up old good memories of our relationship. He compliments me and seems jealous when I mention any other guy friends. He said that he really missed me when we weren’t talking. He’s also told me that he hasn’t had feelings for anyone else since we broke up and that he’s turned down women just because he knew it wouldn’t be the same as our relationship. He said he hasn’t met anyone with a connection like ours. We text on almost a daily basis, and we both start conversations. We’ve been planning to hang out (he originally suggested it, not me). However, the issue is that on occasion he suddenly pulls away and is very distant. He won’t text me for days and when I try to talk to him, he seems moody and distant. We still haven’t hung out and it’s partially because he works a lot and is just really busy right now. But I feel like it might be something else too. He insists that he really does want to see me. I don’t know how to deal with him being hot and cold like this. It’s driving me crazy and it’s hurtful and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s going through his mind. He’s not a bad person so I know he isn’t intentionally trying to make me suffer. I just want him back and I don’t want this to go on forever. What are your thoughts??
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:40 pm
I think you need to go out one on one…
Sara
February 3, 2015 at 1:52 am
What do you think could be the possible reasons for him acting hot and cold?
Melody
March 9, 2015 at 6:49 pm
My ex broke up with me because i had problems as well, he said i needed help. It was only a month ago and i miss him and I’ve been going to a therapist and everything but he won’t talk to me so he can’t see that I’ve changed. i don’t know what to tell you but I’m in the same boat except your ex will talk to you at least.
Aimee
January 28, 2015 at 10:52 am
Hi Chris,
Me and my boyfriend are broken up for about a month now, but have officially cut the cord just two weeks ago. Since the breakup he behaves very jerky and is not himself at all.
Yesterday, me and my mom got in a carcrash on the highway which almost killed me. After we finally got home I was still so upset that I texted him. He did not want to talk to me at all and did not even ask if I were okay. This really hurt me… it was as if he did not even care that I was hurt.
The person he acts like is not how he has been acting during our two year relationship, as he was always very caring and loving.I am so confused by his behavior. Is this normal behavior for men after a breakup?
I want the boy back who cares about me… not this emotionless monster. Will No Contact help in this situation, or should I let him know how much he has hurt me right now?
I’m so confused…
admin
January 28, 2015 at 5:07 pm
Give me an example of his “jerk” behavior.
Aimee
January 28, 2015 at 9:36 pm
You got me there… the moment I read the comment, I did not know what to tell you. I keep on thinking and all I can say is that he did not respond to my texts immediately after the breakup. Other than that he just doesn’t want to talk to me… which I think is ‘jerky’ but at the same time, now I am thinking about it, also fair.
The one thing I feel isn’t truly not fair is how he responded to me being in the accident. If it were him, I would have at least asked him is he were okay.
The one thing I cannot get out of my mind is when I went to visit him two weeks ago, to really end the relationship. He kissed me that day and told me he loved me and wanted to make up, all of a sudden he wasn’t cold and distant anymore. We talked and things were great… for about half an hour. Then he got a panic attack and did not want to talk to me at all… telling me wanted to end the relationship, without giving me a reason why. This has truly confused me, and I have asked for him to explain his reasons to me a few days later, to which he only answered ‘I want you to be quiet, the reason I’m done is because I’m done’.
It’s just so confusing because when he kissed me, and when we talked he was himself again. So I know that person is still in there.
I hope I have told you enough… and thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it 🙂
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:43 pm
Hot and cold behavior..
He is giving you mixed signals and it is driving you nuts.
Aimee
January 29, 2015 at 4:30 pm
Exactly! I’m just so confused!
What should I do? No contact?
admin
January 30, 2015 at 3:40 pm
I think so yes!
Ale
December 13, 2014 at 5:41 pm
Hi Chris..update. Birthday went well, but weird for me. Our mutual friend thinks he cares for me but not enough to want to patch things up, I am still confused, each day a new version of what he wants…friendship, one day he cares deeply, one day sends a song, the other says he cannot be with me because I am selfish.. I asked him yesterday to please let me know whether he thinks we can exist as a couple in the future as I have my hopes up… To think and let me know, no answer. I asked him today how he was and he said he is not talking to me and will go to the concert I gave him with a girl (one of the girls he dated, now supposedly a friend) as a thank you for another gig she gave him,.. I am at loss, don’t understand what he wants and how to behave….
Ale
December 15, 2014 at 2:08 pm
I asked hi and he said he is not in love with me but loves me. He feels I am too negative and he is tired of waiting. Should I just try to let go?
ale
December 9, 2014 at 2:26 pm
Hi Chris, thanks again for your help. Update: it’s his 30th this week and i have his present.. we said let’s try to meet up so we can talk and i could give it to him.. yesterday he said the only day i have this week is my birthday, to which i reply ok, i’ll post it, i hope at some point you manage to go past your anger and meet up, i want to patch things up. he replied “i do feel like seeing you… to patch things…maybe you can come on my birthday” and went on asking our friend (who will be with him, and it is my close friend) if he was ok with me coming (of course he said yes) and said he is happy for me to go.
This morning he sent me a song he wrote about us.. we chatted a bit and agreed on few things (he said he is trying to understand why he cannot forgive etc) after a hour or so i said so why don’t we try to do steps towards each other? and he went I knew you would react like this, leave me alone, bye x.
wtf? so he started the conversation! i told him look i am just saying let’s talk, we clearly care for each other (which he agreed) and he said i sent you the song to soothe you…
now, he wrote that song. to soothe me? i am in pain but i am not pulling my hair out. i apologised for the mistake and asked to patch things up.. in my book if you say yes you mean you want to.. what’s happening? advice? i can do with a male brain!
admin
December 10, 2014 at 3:11 pm
Its good that he sent a song that he wrote about the two of you.
Thats how i’d take it.
ale
December 10, 2014 at 3:57 pm
thanks. it’s just so bizarre. i told him he confuses me with the pulling and pushing..i asked him to do clarity in his feelings, and he said that he cares loads for me but feels i am too selfish and demand too much of him.. still wants me at his birthday tomorrow though
sammy
December 3, 2014 at 6:17 pm
Hi Chris,
can you give some advice if the ex boyfriend has changed the contact number and does not want to share that number.
Is this a sign that he has moved on or still there can be chances of getting him back?
sammy
December 4, 2014 at 12:19 pm
yes..I have red the guide regarding the ex blocking you.
But in my case there is total block out and even the mutual friends are not ready for the help…I am in the worst case scenario..
There was no fight between me and my ex during the conversation and i always tried to keep the conversation friendly..but then also he has blocked me..and doed not want to share his contact details..is this behavior normal after brake up( hot n cold ex) or should I give up on my ex?
I have red your every article and they are helpful.
admin
December 4, 2014 at 1:25 pm
For some breakups its very normal.
Hmm… And you said there were no major fights towards the end?
sammy
December 5, 2014 at 7:19 am
Thanks for the reply Chris..
Yes there were no fights when we got in touch with each other after the brk up.
But suddenly he felt defensive and changed the number without informing me.
admin
December 8, 2014 at 12:35 pm
Hmm… Is it possible hes made any updates on Facebook about the new number?
sammy
December 8, 2014 at 4:29 pm
He has blocked me on Facebook So I cannot see any of his updates.
Only the option of email is remaining. But I dont want to look desparate in asking his friends for the number.
Should I give him some space and let him enjoy his time?
Its been 6 months now for the break up.
admin
December 4, 2014 at 2:03 am
Definitely take a look at my guide on if an ex blocks you.
ale
December 1, 2014 at 7:05 pm
hi Chris.. turns out my now ex boyfriend again broke up with me last week after 2 months… i’d say responsibility is 50-50… everything went fine at first, lots of talks and contact online and off line.. then he tells me we should speak less online. Now, I am insecure as i had so many experiences of my exes dumping me whilst i was not there physically (as in i was away on a trip or similar) which made me paranoid. He knows all this. He said he didn’t want to reassure me all the time as it wouldn’t help me and that’s fair enough. Then he tells me he saw one of the girls he was seeing this summer (the guy who was depressed and saw 4 girls at the same time) to tell her why he wasn’t dating her anymore… Well, I did ask him not to know what he did with them but I wanted to know if he met them.. we argue over it and i start obsessing. We argue and almost broke up and i take ownership of that. He told me i give you another chance but i don’t want to be forced to reply to you all the time.. so i sucked it up and tried to control my jealousy, which i succeeded. then, 2 weeks ago, he tells me he is polyamorous and we talk for 2 days about it – what does he want etc. He said he is happy in a monogamous relationship with me so we continue.
The day before breakup we were out and out of the blue he says he has to return a book to said girl, who doesn’t want to be his friend and she is crying over him. I saw the girl, didn’t feel physically threatened but at the same time it bothered me, made my insecurity go to the roof. the next day i told him please avoid telling me some things and he exploded, saying he had enough, i was abusing and treating him bad (despite he saying after the first fight he didn’t trust me, he loved me but not as a lover etc) and we broke up. Then he says for the record i will be dating – which i think he has already done.
Now of course i told him what kind of love you had for me then?! and he got furious, saying first those feelings are gone i am only angry at you and then saying you only look at the surface, i am hurting but i have to move on, i want a family and i will meet someone who’s not emotionally damaged like you are…
Yesterday i saw he was back on a dating site (and funny thing we had a match by 93%) – he got angry that we matched, called me, saying i am offering you friendship as i cannot be in a relationship with you right now…
I don’t know if he loves me as a partner but he is too afraid of me controlling him (he admitted my request wasn’t so bad but he was tired of me trying to check on him when not together.. when together he said everything was perfect), if i am obsessing over him because afraid of being alone (which i am) or because i care.. i don’t know what to do, i fear of losing him forever, that he can meet someone better than me, but i don’t know if i am truly in love or not… confused!
admin
December 2, 2014 at 2:35 pm
Are you upset that he was back on a dating site?
ale
December 2, 2014 at 2:53 pm
yes i am. not just that, he didn’t even manage to finish saying i want out i can’t take it that he said i want to date.. we spoke again today. I told him i know i made a mistake but also that he made me feel insecure when not together.. he omitted things to me etc and that didn’t help my insecurities. I told him i am in love with you but you keep having mixed signals: you want to date, then say you are hurt.. what do you want? he said he is hurt, he loves me very much but cannot be around me, he offers friendship. I told him i cannot take it, it hurts too much… he says i see him as an object, all i care is him not being happy (he was depressed) and being mine… that i am vicious.. what do i do? i miss him like crazy, but i meant it when i said he was making me insecure when not with him physically (but then my relationship history drove me to it.. always got dumped after i was physically away like travelling or for work etc…i wasn’t clingy before).
ale
December 2, 2014 at 3:23 pm
also he now said i make him sad.. and i wasn’t selfish i would understand this and why he wanted out. no acknowledgement that he made me feel insecure when not together, as if it is all my fault i was insecure. of course i was, he wasn’t doing much to help though.. sad truth is i love him and miss him and want him back… what do i do? just let him go? the thought of him with someone else makes me sick
ale
December 3, 2014 at 4:55 pm
hi again – being a pain in the neck, sorry! 😉
so the deal is that he says he sees no love from me and therefore is not in love with me, but can give me so much and offers friendship. I told him i have feelings for him and I want to earn my chance – even though i know he is looking (ie on a dating site) – he said no because he gave me chances but i feel i want to try anyway (please tell me if i am being stupid). he is now writing a stream of consciousness about us and the pain he feels – he shared some with me..
today he found out his ex gf is getting married this weekend and he got sad, not because of having dumped her but because he feels he has done himself a lot of harm whilst depressed.. and he shared these feelings with me, whilst crying.
I am afraid of being deluded – i really am. But i feel we have a strong connection but unfortunate we both come from a background which scarred us.. when he left me the first time it was on petty things he mostly did to which i reacted (he admits this, blaming the depression) then this summer he was fully depressed but i myself wasn’t doing too well, and told him i couldn’t help him whilst he sees others… this time around i got into a panic mode because at first he didn’t want to have sex, and pulled back on texting a lot after few weeks, bringing my little confidence down..of course he did things which made me more clingy but i own the responsibility and i am not afraid of doing it… The point is: we have so much connection, he still tells me his inner feelings and thoughts and i feel like doing the same.. but i don’t want to be just a friend. i want to win him over…
Annette
October 16, 2014 at 2:12 pm
Hey,
My ex and I just broke up over the weekend. We have been fighting for a few months and the fights got worse and we never really worked on the underlying issues. We talked about breaking up or taking a break over the phone and then he suggested meeting for dinner to talk again. I told him I couldnt meet until late because I went on the boat with friends. When we met for dinner he said the most awful things to me and was so angry. He said he hated me and even worse things. I asked him why he was angry and he said it was because he hated me. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up, which he ties a lot of emotions to. In the morning when I realized what happened I asked him to leave my house and never contact me again. He left and then that night deleted me from social media and blocked my number. I haven’t reached out to him except with a short message saying I know we said a lot of mean things…I enjoyed the time we had… I only wish the best for you…
I don’t know what to do now. I wanted so bad to be able to fix things in the last few months but I think me holding on just made it worse.
What should I do now? I just want to talk to him again and eventually if we can figure everything out try again. Do you think there is any hope?
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:48 pm
Why would you say never contact me again when you want him back? Just trying to understand your mindset?
Kate
October 11, 2014 at 8:31 pm
hey! so I would love your help here!
my ex and I _long story short_ decided to be just friends after we broke up, we remained really close to each other and told each other everything after we broke up, it was like “almost” nothing has changed. I started becoming super clingy and be mad at him for no apparent reason (I did still love him deeply). So he said that maybe friends isn’t the best decision and we had a really bad fight that day and decided to remain (classmates) “We go to the same college, same major”. After about a week or so, he felt bad about the hurtful things he said during that fight, and he started getting closer, and we became cool for a while, only to fight again,and during that fight, I told him that I don’t love him and that I rue the day I met him, his eyes got all teary and he was really hurtful by the latter sentence, when I said I didn’t love him(a lie) however he said (there’s nothing going on between you and me). So after the yellings, I said “if you just want to be my classmate, that’s fine with me, and if you want to be a “normal” friend, that’s fine as well).
We went on treating each other very very carefully for the rest of the school year (However, I still catch him looking at me almost always). During the summer, we were commenting funny comments for each other on facebook, and we talked for a bit very few times. After that, I did a lot of thinking and thought that I really treated him badly, so I apologized after I found out that he used to rant on about our fights with one of my friends, I did it in a very clingy way, but this time we didn’t fight, he just shut me out and said “no it’s fine 🙂 thanks for apologizing” I did ask him to give me a chance to prove to him who I really am and he said “no one is stopping you”. It weirded me out the way he shut me out, but I did stick to my promise. The day before his birthday, I asked him what time he was born so I would wish him a happy birthday at exactly the time he was born, he seemed very happy and flirty during that conversation, however for some stupid stubborn reason I didn’t say happy birthday at that time, I did during the day, but then on facebook I was like “it must still be 4am somewhere” and he was like “you should have wished me a happy birthday at 4am here”. I did bring him a gift later when I saw him though.
After that we started being really nice to each other, that kind of weird nice you know?. I did try to make him laugh and joke around, and he would respond with exactly the same amount of what I said, not saying more. Not opening a conversation.
he is a basketball player and he had a street tournament.
I had told him about three times before I went that I was going to come and he seemed not to mind at all, in fact he was quite happy about it, and I did tell that I was bringing along a couple of mutual friends, and he seemed genuinely happy about it. However, at the tournament, from afar, we saw him with his team, so we thought it wouldn’t be good for us, three girls to approach a group of guys, so we sat across them, I caught his eye like a million times and at one point he even pointed at me and I could see that he was mouthing my name and his friends beside him (who don’t know me, but I know them from pictures with him) looked at me as well. However, he didn’t come and greet us!. Our friends were very upset and they left, I stayed. I sat nearer, hoping he would come, but he didn’t!. he walked right beside me with his friend without even waving!. Now I think we are too old for those stupid games, so I just approached him and said “hey!” like nothing happened. He was like “hey!, have you been here for a long time? who did you come with?” I told him the truth. That I’ve been here for quite a while and that I saw him but didn’t approach him because he was sitting with the guys. He didn’t say anything, and after that he stayed with me for the whole time I was there, and he was really nice. We didn’t talk much but when we did it was really pleasant, and the whole time, his friends were just looking at us (me) (he didn’t introduce me to his friends, but in our culture that is a polite thing to do, because I’m a girl and they’re all “guys”). We had a nice day, but after that he was again shutting me out. We still treated each other nicely (in a weird way) but that was that.
Today (wow that was long,oops…sorry) I saw him with two girls from his sports club going to the practice, and I was with a bunch of friends, he walked right past us!! and he knows all of our friends!!, so I called after him, he chatted with us for a while and he was really really nice, and he shook my hand (only mine out of all the friends I was with -_-), asked us what we were doing and then commented on how badly the weather is and looked at me (we always always always said that we hate the rainy weather, but that we made each other love the rain with our romantic walks), and my friends actually all noticed that strange look he gave me so I wasn’t imagining or anything!. However, we were all annoyed by how he acted like he couldn’t see us at first.
So what’s the deal with that, Chris? :/. I still love him to death, but what’s the deal with him, what can I do to make it all better?.
admin
October 13, 2014 at 6:10 pm
He seems like he doesn’t know how to act around you now that you two are broken up.
Kate
October 15, 2014 at 6:08 pm
he got me a rose yesterday! well actually sent it with a mutual friend. What’s the deal with that?!
admin
October 27, 2014 at 2:44 pm
Thats a good sign… thats the deal with that.
Tiff
September 30, 2014 at 12:11 am
Hello,
Small amount of background info (and I do mean small, despite the apparent length): my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago and have been friends of sorts for roughly a year. I say “friends of sorts” because we are definitely not the usual exes–we not only have pleasant, deep conversations (identical to those we had when dating), but give one another advice and stand up for each other should one of us be verbally attacked or injured by other people. However, we are not as close to one another as we are to our other friends. IE: I asked once if we could hang out one day and he said he “would consider it,” a response I would never illicit from any other “friend.” We were one another’s first girlfriend/boyfriend and began dating when he was 19 and I was ten days shy of 18. We dated for 4 and a half months before he broke up with me, giving no reason for doing so. In the time we have been apart, he has been dating another girl about four years younger than him–he’s 21 now. From what I understand, she evidently decided at age 15 that she loved him after having known him for two days, she continued liking him throughout our relationship, and as soon as we broke up, she began talking to and pushing him for a relationship, a request he granted after four months.
My question is this: why does he ask me in earnest every few months why we broke up? It seems odd to me because 1) he made that decision, not me, and 2) he has had A GIRLFRIEND the past year and half! Why is he asking period? Isn’t that a tad inappropriate, given the circumstances…? Help. Q.Q
–Tiffany
admin
September 30, 2014 at 3:00 pm
1. Probably b/c he is confused about his feelings and is constantly thinking about you.
2. He is probalby not happy with her as much as he is letting on.
Tiff
September 30, 2014 at 7:27 pm
*sigh* I suppose both of the above would make sense and would explain why 1) he only ever complains about the girl to me, and 2) he gets weirdly jealous of guys that date/flirt with me, as well as downright hateful towards anyone who is, even just playfully, insulting me or who attempts to make me uncomfortable, particularly when that person is a man.
Chris, you rock. Please write a book or something advising all of your gender cohorts to stop being so ridiculous. I’ll work on one for women. =P
Thank you!
admin
October 1, 2014 at 3:44 pm
Sweet!!!!
We can take over the internet with our books.
Ashley
September 18, 2014 at 1:35 am
Hi Chris– My ex fluctuates back and forth being happy/nice and being negative. The negativity got to a point where I asked him why he hated me so much and he said he didn’t. I’m a reasonable person and I can understand mixed emotions after a breakup but what bothered me the most was when I told him it felt like he hated me, hee didn’t say anything other than I don’t; no apology or anything. Earlier in the conversation I had told him that while I was not 100% over the breakup, I had accepted it for what it is. He assured me that he had too but then proceeded to ask me how I was doing in my current relationship and if Iwas sleeping with anyone else. When I told him I didn’t start a conversation to discuss who either of us is currently sleeping with he immediately got defensive. Typically he initiates contact but today I felt like I needed to express my acceptance of the situation. I’m still in love with him and have been really missing him a lot. But despite my feelings I don’t feel like I deserve to put up with some of these behaviors and I don’t undderstand what could causing them. He broke it off with me and never gave me a specific reasom.
admin
September 18, 2014 at 4:44 pm
Sounds to me like he is confused at what he wants… Was he very emotional or impulsive when you were together?
J
September 3, 2014 at 4:35 pm
Am I allowed to be angry?
I had a boyfriend for three years and before the end we went travelling together. Some month into the trip he suddenly turned a bit weird as in he wasn’t prepared anymore to find compromises for our plans and even left me in the middle of a foreign city alone one night. All this behavior made me return from the trip earlier whilst he continued travelling. However before I left we had agreed that we wanted to make it work and would discuss prevailing problems probably in the time we would spent apart from each other via Skype or once we would see each other in person. We fixed a date and time when we would see each other again and I felt relieved that we could by then talk about everything with a better perspective that distance brings. By the end of it even before his return, he cut all ties with me, didn’t show up for Skype dates and even said he had now realized that he didn’t know how to continue to be together with me because of the fact that I had argued with him in a disrespectful way too often (I had called him a “retard” twice). So in the end he didn’t return back to me as was initally arranged, skipped my cousins wedding last minute and left me with a newly decorated apartment for two people alone in Europe. Some time into the seperation I asked him if he could describe to me what exactly was going on – but I never got a real answer. He continued to say that he didn’t want to break up. However what he said and what he did really didn’t match. In fact he demanded from me to keep him up to date with the things that were going on in my life, but when I had an operation for example he wasn’t even prepared to remember the date of it nor to wish me good luck. Then he also told me he wanted to stay friends but I couldn’t see him putting any effort in. Just soo many empty words that I got tired off. Finally he ended up working in Australia and started dating a girl – that I knew he was already in contact with half a year before our break up. He however never admitted openly that there was another girl or that this might have been the reason for his behavior. I just feel so betrayed and cheated on and would have wished to have an open and honest dialouge with each other. Am I allowed to be angry about his reaction?
I think if I acknowledge how much he actually disappointed me and didn’t care for the relationship it will be much easier for me to let go. I just wonder to which degree it even is acceptable that somebody behaves like this in a relationship. Should I have left much earlier perhaps?
admin
September 4, 2014 at 11:56 am
You are absolutely allowed to be angry since he left you in that city alone.
He sounds like a total douche…
Jo
July 24, 2014 at 11:57 pm
Hi Chris!
So My “Ex” and I had a pretty bad break up, We fought a lot and sometimes said hurtful things to each other. It’s been about 6 months things have cooled down and we are in I think “Good talking Terms” but he act like a jerk towards me. He’s always the one to text first then his text are always short and dry? What the heck is going on???!
admin
July 25, 2014 at 2:59 pm
So, it is positive that he is the one to initiate the texting conversations.
Of course, the short and dry texts are troubling. Have you done anything to advance things to the point where you can have more in-depth conversations?
kc
July 22, 2014 at 2:28 am
Ok so I seriously need some help here. My ex and I were together for a year it moved extremely fast and we moved in together after only a few weeks. Three months in I got pregnant which I wasn’t supposed to be able to do. We build an entire life together and planned on getting married this fall. We had arguments but no one cheated or lied however we r both jealous. Anyway towards the end of our relationship I was in a lot of pain bc of the babies position and I was really clingy and emotional. After our son was born I just went crazy and cried over everything he did or didn’t do and ended up leaving him. A few days later I changed my mind but he was very angry with me and said no. We argued non stop for weeks and then he started dating someone new decided he wanted me back then changed his mind. We argued for another month back and forth between I love you to I can’t stand you. The last month I have given him more space and refused to argue he asked me to come home but I didn’t take it seriously bc of our last try then he jokingly did it again and I blew it off so now he is being mean again or just ignores me completely. I love him and want him back but I’m not sure what to do. Help
admin
July 22, 2014 at 2:42 pm
Why did you leave him in the first place??
T
July 21, 2014 at 10:52 pm
Hi, I’m in a bind. My boyfriend(ex) broke up with me months ago like 7-8 months and since then I been constantly calling and texting him I even did some crazy stuff I don’t want to recall. He was my best friend, and I cared about him a lot, in fact I still do. But he turn into an asshole since then. I really want him back with me. I haven’t been talking to him for 2 months now and that still haven’t worked. What should I do. I doubt all this online stuff will work as I tired ur multiple times but trying won’t hurt I guess. Please tell me what I should do he changed completely and it hurts seeing someone I care and love about turn into this kind of person. He never used to hurt me like this and I always priority how do I get him bk to his old self how do I get him to love me again. Please help.
admin
July 22, 2014 at 2:33 pm
Your going to laugh.
When I read your comment I read, “Hi, I’m blind..”
I read it and thought, how in the hell is she writing then?
When I re-read it I realized you said you were in a bind haha.
Why do you doubt this stuff will work?
T
July 23, 2014 at 2:53 am
Well like I said, it already been two months with no contact. I did crazy stuff that made it worse. And I tried this multiple times already (going online and stuff to search for help from guys like you). But like I said, trying not gonna hurt. So do you have advice of how I can possible get him back especially getting him back to his old self.
admin
July 24, 2014 at 2:47 pm
Probably NC is the best idea to start with.
Amy
June 25, 2014 at 8:44 pm
Hi Chris,
Recently started texting my ex after NC. He made a pretty good point of telling me ALL the fun things he was doing (drinking every weekend, going to beaches all the time, concerts etc etc). I’ll admit that I’m not a party animal but I love going out and near the end of our relationship even got angry with him because we never DID anything and yet he blames me for being “a boring old lady” (fyi since the break up I’m out all the time too, meeting people and being social, joined a gym, taking some classes etc). Was he trying to make me jealous or envious?
Is this jerk behaviour normal coming from an ex?
admin
June 26, 2014 at 3:24 pm
Definitely trying to make you jealous.
Amy
June 26, 2014 at 5:39 pm
By making me jealous is he trying to be hurtful?
admin
June 29, 2014 at 4:31 pm
Maybe.. or maybe he is just trying to see if you still care about him.
Maybe he just likes being in control and seeing you fawn over him…
TBH it could be a lot of different things but I think they all derive from his feelings for you.