Here's What To Do If Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact

186 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”

Maya

January 13, 2020 at 10:54 am

Hey, please reply,my ex and I had a breakup due to a fight,but we were really happy during all of our relationship,I asked something about him to his friends and he got really angry and felt ashamed so we had a breakup, we had a relationship of 4 months,and we broke up on 3 January 2020,and since then I am implementing this NO CONTACT RULE, but he texted me miss you on 5 Jan and he wants me back at 6 Jan, also called me many times, and he also drunk called and texted me yesterday night, but I ignored him, I feel like I should just break this NC or maybe not, please suggest!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:06 pm

Hey Maya if your ex has said (while sober) they want you back, and you want to get back into a relationship then you need to break No Contact and speak with them to agree to getting back together and working on your relationship.

Shae

January 12, 2020 at 7:03 pm

My ex and I have a very non-traditional custody arrangement for our child.
We don’t have set days or times for swap over as we both have changing schedules every week. This works really well for us so we can’t change this agreement.
Normally he will just ask to come see our daughter/pick her up or I will ask him to come take her for a few hours.
How should I work this with NC? There are times when I need him to come take her as there is no one else to watch her.
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:17 pm

Hi Shae, there is an article on this website about how to follow a Limited No Contact, and it is explains how to stick with LNC and how to show your ex how great you are doing and that you are not there to be at his beck and call, you need some sort of routine for your child too. Even if you co-parent well. You are going to have to set some boundaries so you can either move on, or follow this process to get him back

Danielle

January 7, 2020 at 11:07 am

Hi, I’m in a tough situation. Over a year ago I was up in NJ visiting friends and family ( I live in Florida now) and I met the love of my life. Divorced for three years at the time from a very long and unhappy marriage. Anyhow we met and the both of us knew this was something on a different level. Our worlds were completely flipped on its head. We went on two amazing, fun dates, then it was time for me to go home. He did express to me that he is not the kind of man that can do long distance. He was up front and honest. He needs his person to be close especially me since our connection was so intense. He expressed that in 7 years he is retiring and would move down to Florida because he doesn’t want to stay up there anymore and he would want to be with me. I told him that in a about a year and a half I could relocate up there once my daughter has graduated high school and goes to college. We were so happy and very thee weeks we took turns visiting each other And video chatted almost every night, texted throughout the day and talked on the phone. I did everything I could to make it as easy on him as I knew he struggled with the distance. .I was ok with this because I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel but it was starting to take its toll on him. Every time we would leave each other he would lash out and start unnecessary fights with me. I didn’t Understand it then as I do now I’m hindsight yet it still hurt me and I got so fed up last February that I told him I would never move up there. A few weeks later I realized I made a mistake and reached out to tell him that I would move up and I was just hurt. He seemed to be willing to try but we just couldn’t get back on track even though we love each other so much. So it went on like this for a couple months but he had a death in the family then his daughter had a baby. There was a lot going on in his life. He definitely pulled away from me. He met someone in October and completely cut ties with me. Only contacting me once in a while. He said he just couldn’t do the distance and that he loves me and no one compares to me or treats him and makes him as a happy as I do but he just needs someone close.he felt more lonely not having me there. I completely understand where he is coming from. Long distance is HARD. He also didn’t trust that I would move up. So I know I need to leave him alone because the thought of him with someone else breaks my heart. Well turns out that I am moving up there In 6 months for other reasons actually. He is so happy but conflicted because his relationship is very new. I think he should break with her but I’m not him. He has to see this through and we said whatever happens in the future happens. We believe that if we are supposed to be then we will be. So now I am implementing the NC. My question is I know he will reach out to me before the time is up because he already thinks of me every day but I have been texting him a lot. So when he texts me do I respond? We don’t hate each other. It was just the distance. But I want to try the NC rule.
Moira

January 5, 2020 at 4:25 am

Hello,
I had a friend with benefits,for a few weeks [with signs he might want to turn this in a relationship] who suddenly started to pull away and has not contacted me again.
I have started the no contact rule,but I am wondering if I should break it if he contacts me,since we were not in a relationship…
Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 5, 2020 at 11:12 pm

It really depends on what you want, if you want to be in a relationship stick to your No Contact and follow the program, if you want to go back to friends with benefits then you can reply as he is going to be reaching out in hope for sex

Sad I’m Sarasota

January 4, 2020 at 10:24 pm

I was dating a guy for only about a month. Things were awesome – multiple texts a day, plans for the future, he shared so much of his life with me, his family, his struggles, his dreams and desires. Every time we were together, we were happy and things were great.

Then one day, out of the blue, he dumps me via text, telling me he had met up with his ex for lunch, and they realized they still loved each other and wanted to be together. It was only a month, and we were never even intimate so I sucked it up, wished him the best, and withdrew all contact. I was really shocked because things were so good it seemed. I also question why this ex came back just as soon as he started moving on with me.

Our time together was short, but dammit I missed him.

Well, it’s just shy of 30 days of NC, and since I blocked his texts, (which I told him I was going to do), he emailed me. It was short – just hi, how’s it going, happy new year…that’s it.

What should I do? Wait until the full 30 to reply? What should I say when I do reply? If I don’t reply, will he try again or just drop me? We are not kids, and I don’t want to play games, but also, I want him to understand that I’m not Plan B and what he did was hurtful and I’m not gonna be the girl he falls back on when the one he truly “loves” changes her mind. Again. Help!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 5, 2020 at 12:12 am

Hey there, so unblock his number and reach out as Chris explains to do so. The fact he reached out to email is showing he wanted you to hear from him so you can take that is it likely you are going to be able to build a positive conversation with him

Jenny

December 31, 2019 at 2:16 am

30 days in on NC. We dated for 6 months, I ended it because 2 months prior to us dating he separated from his wife, and went through the process of divorce while we were dating (no kids or ties). The only issue was that he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship coming off a divorce (understandable) But I did want a commitment, so I decided to end things. Well, I really want him back. Even though 30 days NC is up, I’ll wait until next week to reach out (due to holidays) but part of me wonders if it’s best to wait even longer due to his circumstances and need for growth.
Lila

December 18, 2019 at 10:32 pm

My ex & I were together for 6 months, a short amount of time, but up until 5 months everything was perfect. Suddenly, he started to act distant then broke up with me, then regretted his decision almost instantly & decided that he wanted a couple of days to decide weather or not he wanted to be with me. Seemed like this decision was going to be one sided so I decided to brake up with him, I know I should be treated like a priority not an option so that’s why I did it, not because I don’t love him. He initiated the brake up though. I’ve been in NC for 28 days, he reached out yesterday ( 27 days after no contact ) wished me happy holidays etc… Does this mean I should contact him back until the 30 days of NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 21, 2019 at 9:42 pm

Hi Lila, so I would extend your no contact until the new year is over. Do not reach out of the first time over the holidays

Cee

December 17, 2019 at 5:10 pm

Hello, my ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago (23 days). We were up and down and always breaking up for 2 years but always wanted to try again and grow. Each time he would improve in one area and fall in another. He always allowed other people to influence him. His friends never liked me and I had a problem with him always allowing them in our relationship. He did not protect me from their disrespect. I broke up with him again and tried the no contact rule and got back with him 3 days before the last day of my no contact. I told him we could work under the conditions that he would have to keep his friends and I separated. I told him that if we got married or lived together they could not come. He would have to go to them because it got to the point where his friend wanted to physically fight me. We broke after he told me he could not mess up his relationship with his friends for me. During this break up I have been trying to move on through the pain. He hit me up out the blue with a LONG message about owning up to all he has done to me as a man and how he knows he never truly gave me the security I needed. He said he is not begging for me back he just wants me to know how sorry he is and how he’s learned through the time of us not speaking. Should I respond with a message saying something like “Thank you, I appreciate you apologizing”? Or should I continue ignoring him? If I wait till the 30 days how do I respond to a message he sent a week ago?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 4:08 pm

Hi Cee, so he is thinking about you and he is reflecting but he has said he is not asking for you back, so stick to your no contact and do not reply. You need to show him how you are not sitting there waiting to hear from him. During this time you need to make sure your social media is looking like you are doing well and happy. And at the end of your no contact you need to reach out to him but not about his text you need to reach out with a text like what Chris suggests

ConfusedEx

November 26, 2019 at 9:44 am

Hi! My ex from 2 years ago (we stopped talking for a couple years) and I recently started hooking up again the past 2 months. I told him I want something serious and he just can’t commit and my friends think he’s just using me. I stopped initiating texts and he contacts me now more than ever before about everything. Should I clearly tell him how I feel and what I want before going NC? We’ve been on good terms since hooking up, so I’m not sure if he’ll get why I stopped responding. Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 26, 2019 at 6:58 pm

Hi ConfusedEx, I would re iterate how you want a relationship and no longer want a friends with benefits situation. And if he again says he is not ready to give you what you want, go into No Contact (dont reply at all to his message if he says he doesnt want a relationship) and keep in No Contact for a minimum of 30 days so he gets that you mean what you say. Then if he is persistent you need to keep ignoring him, once no contact is over you can speak as friends but build attraction, look up Ungettable girl for this help

Sunshine

November 17, 2019 at 12:42 am

my situation is very complicated but I will try to explain. In past my drinking caused problems with my bf so he doesn’t want me to drink. I did one day & he came home from work & could tell I had so he instantly packed all his stuff & left. I tried to reason with him that he was over reacting to leave, but he instead said that even tho he loves me we should break up. So since he left some stuff at my house 2 days later I arranged to drop it off to him. When I went to drop it off I took a while to get to his moms house Where he left to so when I got there he instantly was upset he grabbed his stuff & told me that he could tell I was goi g to go see someone else & that I moved on fast. I told him no that I wasn’t & drove off. After that he texted me 3 times saying to have good time with new guy hopefully I treat him better then I did him blah blah blah then he called 3 more times since I didn’t reply. I plan to do no contact for 20 days my question is why is he so fast to contact me after he decided it was best to break up? I do love him with out a doubt but he does this a lot for different stuff leaves then text me accusing me of being with other guy I usually reply back I’m not we go bk & forth arguing then he comes bk home. But this time I just been ignoring him. Will me ignoring him cause him to move on & look for other girls to talk to thinking I am with a new guy or will it make him want me back & regret breaking up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 1:12 am

Hi Sunshine by the sounds of things the alcohol is taking its toll on the relationship so a break of NC will do you both some good. If drinking is such a large issue you need to decide if you can stay sober forever in order to be with him. He is angry right now and and is assuming there is someone else because of how you are responding to him leaving. Where you would usually chase him when he leaves you have allowed him to go calmly. He will continue to reach out to you and you are going to have to stay strong and ignore him until the end of your NC. Do not post anything to social media if you use it about another person in our life for now. Right now you both need to deal with the drinking problems and maybe seek therapy or support to help you both too.

Tina

November 10, 2019 at 9:26 pm

Hi!
My 2 years bf and I broke up like every week then get back together after broke up. He lies a lot and also an abuse man, we been through a lot of issues and that’s reasons why I wanted the break up. But I always take him back because he tried really hard to keep the relationship together even those he constant lies to me, he do not want to give up. The last time I broke up with him then found out I was pregnant. I called him for meet up to tell him, he was angry and told me to do what I want with it as he wanted nothing to do with me and the pregnancy, that’s the only time I saw him want the break up after 2 years I was only the 1 who ask for break up. I was terrified. However in that week we got back together as usual. I found out he asked girl out and to hotel with him after I told him I was pregnant. He lies about that but the girl who he asked told me everything about it. I feel hurt. Did he cheat in that circumstance? Or because I broke up so it doesn’t call cheating even those I told him about the pregnancy. He lies about different girl and trippers he hung out behind my back till I found out then he always said guy allowed to have female friends even those he promised not to have contact with these girls. So when I confront him about he cheat and go after other girls when he is the one always made me believe he will never cheat and the loyalty one, he then blocked me on everything and talked trash to me before head out. 9 dates later he email and text me ask for meet him up. I haven’t responded as I’m hurt. I don’t know what to do at this point. I still have a lot of feeling for him but as the same time I have enough with the lies from him. What is my best option? I had a miscarriage after he left.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 12, 2019 at 9:17 pm

Tina I am so sorry, I think taking some time in NC and getting over the miscarriage is best for now you may need some help to cope with the loss mentally. Showing him how you are happy and living your life without him in it is best. Do fun and interesting things with your friends making sure that you post the Ungettable things to social media leaving him feeling like hes missed out on these opportunities with you.

Cathy

October 29, 2019 at 11:37 am

I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago after the breakup i shot him a text saying he can call me to discuss everything that happened the morning i broke up with him if he’s ready. I just wanted to apologize to him. He called we talked but he changed the subject and started saying horrible things about me. I left him alone he text me the day after but i didn’t respond. Since then we haven’t spoken in 12 days. He called me yesterday and i kept the conversation short and sweet, however i did ask him how he’s doing & has he spoken to his mom. I cut the conversation short after that. Did i mess things up? I don’t know if he’s just being friendly and is over the whole thing or what

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 30, 2019 at 1:21 pm

Hi Cathy so and your ex have not done enough time in No Contact, you need to stick to it, if he calls dont answer. You need to do 30 days without contact at all. Starting again from day 1 and let him miss you and give him time to want you back. If you want him back then you need to do this.

Kiki

October 27, 2019 at 1:58 pm

Hi, I’ve been doing NC for exactly 10 days today & my ex has texted me last weekend & this weekend. I did not respond especially since weekend texts mean he’s out drinking. Last night he said so you really don’t care? I didn’t respond & this morning he texted me asking if I could drop his sunglasses off & told me he was not home but said where he was & said today would be a good time To drop them off. I responded because he asked for something back & said no problem. He said thanks & that’s it. I think it’s funny he finally used that an attempt to get me to respond & not sure why he told me where he was but I kind of wish I didn’t respond. Was it ok that I responded? I’m going back to NC & plan on dropping his glasses off so he does see I did what he asked & didn’t try to use that as a way to speak to him. I know he’s surprised I haven’t responded to him in 10 days but I broke up with him & he didn’t act like he cared but acted like he broke up with me which is annoying but I act like i don’t care. Was it ok I responded to that? What should I do now? I’m waiting for a sober week day text maybe apologizing for hurting me enough to leave him or something on those lines or something nice. He also sent that text this morning after he saw my Snapchat knowing I was out late so that made me laugh as well. Any thoughts? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 3:05 pm

So ideally you should complete 30 days NC but because he asked for something it is ok but drop them off and dont spend time with him it is an emotional reach out because hes worried you may have met someone else. So drop the sunglasses of and dont reach out to him for the rest of your time (20 days) dont reach out with that emotional conversation and apologies you need to reach out as a friend at the end of your NC and have a short but polite conversation

Kathy

October 19, 2019 at 1:19 pm

Hi. My boyfriend breaks up with me through text message. He’s reason was because his family doesn’t want me for the reason that i had a son from my past relationship. We’ve been together for almost 6 years. We both know from the start that his parents doesn’t want me. We are spending most of our time together after work and we are together almost every day. A few days after the break up, i found out from my friend that he was interested with his co worker. But the girl he likes has a boyfriend. My ex tells the new girl that he has fallen out of love for me a very long time ago. (I had a reliable source). I kept on wondering what he said to the new girl. If he has really fallen out of love, why did my ex stayed with me when there are a lot of opportunities that he can break up with me every time we fight? He also became a father figure to my child. I have regrets because before we broke up, i never showed my love and affection to him because i want him to spend time with his family especially his brother arrived from overseas. I said earlier we’re always together. In one week i didn’t initiate texts or call him. I tried also to reply but In a rude way because i just want his attention that i am longing for him. And in that one week, he broke up with me thru text. And the following day after the break up i tried to text him that we should talk. But he never grant me my request. And that, i started no contact in 3 weeks now. How would i know if NC is working now? Thank you so much

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 7:57 am

Hi Kathy, so you need to get to 30 days NC and good job for getting this far, you need to be who you were before you met him the person he loved back then. You need to read some articles about the being there method too as he is interested in this other woman he could have the grass is greener syndrome so do some reading on how to be the ungettable girl too. All this information is here on this website.

Serena

October 16, 2019 at 5:59 pm

Hi there,

I have used NC for 23 days now, so there’s still a week left for the 30 day one.

Is there still a chance of him coming back? I have been working on being Ungettable, and I think I’m in a better place now, but I still would prefer if he came back 🙂

I also am not sure if I should extend it to the 40 day one – just wanted to hear someone else’s opinion. Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 10:35 pm

Yes there is a chance if you keep working on yourself so that you are the best version of yourself before reaching out and plan your texts ahead of time so that you can plan for all outcomes

Samantha

October 15, 2019 at 2:22 pm

I am on day 3 of NC. I am 7 months pregnant and I just broke up with him all of a sudden over text with no conversation about our relationship and blocked him on everything. I have an important ultrasound in 2 days. Do I send him pictures or updates if he messages or calls me? Our situation is complicated but overall I think I love him so much and he loves himself so much too. That leaves me with no love. He knows my love for him is unconditional and takes advantage of that fact and does what he pleases with no regards to my money, feelings, or desires because i believe he thinks i will still be there. I want him to fight for me and think about my feelings as much as his own.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 15, 2019 at 3:38 pm

Hi Samantha so you need to complete a NC which is limited to your pregnancy and baby. So yes send him the photo with relevant information but do not engage in conversation with him. If, as you say he loves himself, that is so much more about ego and maturity so I hope he grows out of this for you before baby arrives

Mary Ann

October 10, 2019 at 3:05 pm

My ex and I were together for 7 years, off and on. We have a 6 year old son. We’ve been officially broken up for a while, but have still spent time together until recently. I have tried everything to get him into counseling so we can repair and rebuild this, but he refuses. He says he has love for me and cares about my wellbeing. A week ago he told me he will not to counseling with me and no longer wants a life with me. I begged for him to see the severity of the situation and what was really happening. He of course, is stuck on his decision. Would NC work? Or should I just throw in the towel and be done?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 11, 2019 at 7:37 pm

Hey Mary Ann, yes NC will work you only speak about your child and the well being of him. Nothing else! And work on becoming Ungettable in the mean time

Kim Elaine

October 10, 2019 at 1:18 am

Hey EBR team,

I have begged and pleaded my ex for about 2 months now. Attempted NC once and failed miserably. I’ve sent many texts to my ex telling him something along the lines of “come pick up your things so I can move” or asking if we could talk so I could get some closure from the break up and attempt to move on. He’s already responded with either “I’ll come get them when I can” or “We’ll talk when I’m ready”

I just don’t quite understand why he won’t talk to me when I’ve asked him so we could finally stop all the back and forth. He insists on wanting space and coming to my house to talk “when he’s ready” but what is there to talk about later when he’s ready versus now when he has made it clear that there is no second chance for us to work on our relationship or that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?

Could he still want to be in this relationship with me but us stubborn to admit it? He has told me that he still loves and cares for me but doesn’t want a relationship with me and that maybe it’ll be something or an idea he’ll be okay with later down the line. His actions confuse me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 12, 2019 at 8:16 am

Hi Kim, so you really need to give him the space he needs. It is hard to do but it is needed after a breakup. It gives him some head space to think and sort his emotions out. This seems scary and you imagine the worst, but the worst has happened at this point and hes ended things. Now you need to give him the time to miss you. NC him for 30 days and work on your emotional control so when / if you start having conversations again you will be in better control of what you do and say. At this point I would listen to his actions not words because he will try to lessen your hurt of the break up because he feel bad, but at the moment he wants the break up to happen. Which is why you need to do NC and work on yourself, and read as much as you can on this website that applies to you!

em

October 9, 2019 at 3:55 pm

My gran died at exactly same time he ended a 3 year relationship so he had reached out a week later to see how I was. As it was a death I did reply and we had a pleasant couple of texts back and forth. I now start no contact again but have I ruined my chance by replying ? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 9, 2019 at 8:11 pm

Hi Em, you not ruined your chances just go back into your Nc from day one.

Georgia

October 9, 2019 at 3:24 pm

I’m Full NC. We were together 4 yrs, best friends years before dating. We own separate houses but spent every night together at one or the other. We integrated children and family. What happens with NC if there is a death in the family or with one of our pets?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 9, 2019 at 8:19 pm

Hi Georgia, as your children are not together you do a full NC and if the case of a death then you can do limited NC to send condolences and thats it.

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186 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”